Monday, September 26, 2016

The Distraction of Micro Management and Intuition. Is Hillary Clinton equal to life? Day 720

I am interested in learning about chemistry and organic chemistry and biology. I realize over time, within doing a little over day, that I can accumulate an understanding of the parts and whole of these systems, how they interact, as their inter-relationships and what that means in terms of the plants and the animals around me, and my own physical body.

I have to build and focus on this, always relating this to this actual and real physical world. It must have a living context.

In doing this, I had to go and look at exponents. I have had some exposure to exponents but not a whole lot of exposure.

During the process I wanted to use laws or rules - guides as knowledge and information, from my past, about how one multiplies negative numbers etc. What I realized as I did a lesson in exponents, is that the former cannot be applied to the later.  Or, my understanding was so in one context only, I did not have the spatial understanding of negatives being a kind of division. The point here was that I found I had to move counter to my beliefs,  I had to move in a counter-intuitive way, as the information that is and was me as my past.

Within the school learning model, as the direct instruction model, one is introduced to new information, and then practices that new information, in integrative activities, and then one practices this on one’s own, reviews it etc. Inherent in this process is one bringing one’s focus onto the form, and ‘ relating’ to it again and again. Thus, one builds an awareness of it, one is developing a relationship.

This then is filed in the body, and eventually can become automated. What happens in this context over time is a forgetfulness of the information that one accepts to direct one’s self. 

In the context of moving counter-intuitively within myself, I had to slow down a train of past information and apply a new perspective within my presence here. And, I had to practice this change. And, I will have to practice this again, over a period of time, being aware of my past habit, recognizing it and moving into the new. 

If I have resistance, then I have to look at why I have that resistance. In this world, it could be that I have another task I must do that I keep in the back of my head. I am not being the director of myself in totality, in presence within what I am doing. And yet, just as that past information is not going anywhere, because I am having to move counter to it, I realize on some level, that I need not hold onto something, because it is essentially not going to go away!  lol, this is where writing a list of what must be done in a day is helpful, because I need not think about something, I can just move through the list.

Overall, what does this experience reveal? It reveals that we move as the information we accept and allow. It means that we can have an idea about something and that this idea, over time, can become this ambiguous information automated within us that we realize as information when we have to learn something new that is counter to this information, which is what being counter-intuitive means. 

This reminds me of having worked with others. Suddenly, the other person comes and says something like, “ I have a feeling that this is ... this or that” And I ask some questions and meet with a repetition of an ambiguous statement as “ well, I have a feeling about this.” There is no other answer but this “ I have a feeling.”  

Since I realize in learning something, that I take in new information, that with practice becomes how I direct myself, and that information automating, to the point where I do not see that information unless i have to apply it in a situation where my information must change, I have forgotten what it is that I use to direct myself. I would not have realized my set way of working with negative numbers unless i had moved into looking at exponents. Here, I experienced what it means to move counter to my own set body of information. I would not have realized a sense of resistance as wanting to move in the learned way, and redirecting that in a new way. I have to ask myself how much do I do this in reality? How much to I move as a ‘ feeling’ without defining the information that is that ‘ feeling’ clearly, and respond with being present here, processing what is here, and changing what information that is me that I have accepted and allowed? This would mean overall, that when one has a ‘ feeling’ one is moving as what one believes, and if not clearly defined, is really not understanding that one is in a situation that is counter to one’s ideas, beliefs and opinions. One is, abdicating one’s presence and being ambiguous in relation to one’s intuition ( body of experience/inFORMation) and hence, resisting change. That intuitive info is bumping up against the practical world and believing itself to be greater than the practical. 

It gets to the point where this starts to become so obvious one could cause a lot of friction in calling this out. Yet, what else is there, it must be called out. This also demands a focus and a fearlessness in calling out these moralities because this is what they in essence are.

This brings me to another experience I have had. I have interacted with school committees. At one time I went and read ‘ the book’ in my state as to the rules and regulations for school committees. I started at the beginning of this 2 inch thick book. After the initial pages, where goals and principles were stated, I started to notice what I was reading was all these details, or, micro management about procedures. When I noticed that what I was reading was a micro-management system of the huge amount of paper work, I turned the subsequent pages and realized that I was reading directions as to how to file this line of paper work information etc, etc, etc.  Within this, I had to move counter intuitive to following information. I had to realize that the beginning of this ‘ book’ were the principles and guidelines of purpose, and the rest, which was most of this book, was simply about making sure the paper work was filed correctly. I was afraid to stand up and reveal this. I  believed that conceptually this would be counter to the running mechanism of the committee! Wow. 

I return to this past moment, because yesterday  I read some legal documents, and realized I was looking at the same thing I noticed within looking at the school committee documents/book.
These legal documents were so immersed in referencing past statutes, with all these numbers and letters and symbols being used to organize other documents, and the information was such of a micro management system, that I started to become confused and anxious within reading this. There may be an inherent logic within this system, yet to realize that inherent logic would take years. It is such a system of causing busy-ness in referencing all the associations one would not immediately see that what one looked at was not a law, but a series of being told how to move in every detail- to such an extent that self discovery would not exist. And yet, we understand in the education system, that self discovery is how we learn! Thus, it is as though the very system of what is not really law, but statutes as to manage every movement, is by design counter intuitive to how we learn, which is self discovery. And, that what exists as this is not a directive as lending understanding, but a purposeful distraction filled with associations by construction, to not allow one to discover that this present system micro manages as a means of separating one from one’s common sense ability!  I also have to ask myself how often I have not used my common sense and differentiated between principle and dictated direction? That ability to learn follows, yet without seeing the patterns, one loses a sense of principle, as what guides one. This means one loses a sense of the whole, the space of here, as one is tied to details that manage how one moves in a reality that reveals itself when one has the opportunity to interact with it. Yet is we are so focused on words on a page that are buried in association- a distraction in itself ( I will not go the next layer into subject redefinitions in the use of words!) - that it would be easy to forget reality, it would be easy to separate from what that micro management system was managing in the first place! Incredible. A crime, and a purposeful abuse of power.

That is so fucking messed up! Yet, this is a mirror reflection of what our intuitions are, as our set body of information that we at times use in an ambiguous way when we respond to things as “ I have a feeling”!  Each of us, inherent in the use of the statement “ I have a feeling’ ONLY, are basically using/following an associative web of information as what we have accepted as a practice to self direct, or, a self micro-management system, that we no longer can process or communicate because it is so layered with cross references in relation to that web of information- it is no wonder we come up with ambiguous statements such as “ I have a feeling’ ONLY to justify the choices we make!  In this, we are a busy work of information that has no real relationship to practical reality, and we resist and spite and react and fight for that inner intuition that resists a real relationship to this physical reality around us. Why do we follow without question?  Do we wonder why we lose our spatial sense of reality as we spend years on and in this physical form called earth?  Our set body of information is not equal to reality. This is practical, it is simple, it is OBVIOUS. It can be called out by name. The only thing stopping one from calling this out is one’s own set body of information,  or one’s intuition, believed to be greater than here,greater than this actual physical world around us, that ground under one’s feet.   Our centralized, government control system of micro managing every move we make is a reflection of each of us being this within ourselves, and it is managing us, in the mirror image of us, because this whole state of being is not being responsible as living a real, direct relationship to what we are as a state of physical beingness! And, to do so, it must set ever more rigid systems of one-size-fits-all because this makes managing the separation from reality as each human, easier to manage! It is a total rejection of self as life,a total rejection of self responsibility. It is counter intuitive to reality, to life, and it causes endless suffering to this life on earth. It is self programming the flesh in self interest, without consideration for all things, which is what one must be and do, to equalize to creating an ‘ intuition’ that works so clearly, one never has to say “ I have a feeling” without being able to define that feeling. 

The irony in this is that the children tend to understand this very quickly. It is the adults, who resist and become full of friction because the deconstruction process is heavy and slow because they have allowed so much information without cross reference to reality to be what informs them.  The separation is thick and like a hamster running on a wheel, no longer able to immediately ground themselves as ‘ jumping off “ that two-inch-book of information as their intuition.  Yes, it is like the children, before this happens to them, circumnavigate the zombies, as the adults of mis-information that is not all bad,  because in essence they do not yet have the words to define and describe this. In other words, they are not being heard- and many are already on the journey of this separation. IN this age of information, this, I assume, will only exacerbate. Do we notice that our children are having a loss of mastering the most simple of things? Are we as parents wanting a system to solve this problem- which means we are the consequence to this same scenario? Who, may I ask, can fix this? Especially if the adults are the products of this? lol, no one can, and the cost of hiring another person to do this, in an effective way, would be very very pricey. Therefor, only you can, only the parent themselves. Only the self can sort this out. It is impossible for someone else to do this. Yet, the first step is admitting to this.


Even I, in every moment, have to slow down and breath, check my own ‘ intuition’ and realize it is not this reality, it is the marker of my own accepted and allowed information learned without understanding how this all works.


Monday, September 12, 2016

Behaviors of separation are visible if we take the responsibility to look and do the math Day 719

Yesterday, I walk talking with a man when I noticed how a conversation can bounce, like  a ball moving back and forth in and as knowledge and information. Not all the ‘ knowledge’ is necessarily ‘ bad’ yet it being knowledge and information of and as itself, it is separated from using , or being focused in a real relationship to what exists in form as our system. Meaning, really looking and seeing what is said again and again, to follow the money. 

Money has become a current that is revelatory of what we place value on, and where we then direct our labor, our efforts, our creative force, in the mis-order that is survival based instead of creative based. This order of survival, that chooses to tout knowledge and information - this in itself a dogma of limited insight into the physical reality of what it means to be the potential of self as life. 

This process is one of separation instead of living the potential to assess and relate directly to what actually physically exists around us. How much do we reflect on the present system and what we are, meaning our basic needs? Can we ask ourselves before we go to watch some entertainment on the tele-vision why we are choosing this? Do we do this because we are bored? Do we do this because the current of money flow, which we accept and allow, limits access to materials to possibly follow through with an idea, or a desire to investigate how something works to improve something and eliminate economic stress in our lives, or just because we have a moment where a natural desire to understand something comes up, then when we think about the cost to possibly investigate, we draw back into limitations and instead choose what is cheap, as our entertainment system?


What I noticed in my conversation with this person that I started this blog with, was not only how the space appeared to funnel into a narrow focus, but also an absence of the ease that comes with not getting ‘ intense’ , like creating a projected vortex of ‘ vision’ in relation to the information being expressed that was not all ‘ bad.’  I stopped, I looked at myself, because I have been getting angry as of late, in sorting something out, and I allowed myself to let that go, a habit, one of frustration. I decided to accept where I was and what was happening, to process this as it could not define me unless I accepted it. I listened and used my own experiences to attend to the moment. I looked at the space like a piece of music, like a math, of different forms, and realized that it need not define who and what I am, that I am, just as when I performed with a group, processing measure, form, quality, duration, etc etc. It was in this moment that I sensed the focus of the person and at the same time listened to them. I also looked at myself, and that anger suddenly seemed useless. Ironically, later that day, I read a post by Osho, where he states that one need never apologize unless one has become mad. And then, another post where mad was defined as multiple addictions disorders. lol, it was much like this, those dis-orders of anger a projected ideological polarized chain of past events that I have allowed to define who and what I am, my own puppet strings that can suddenly appear before me, when I slow down enough to realize I am in deed projecting knowledge and information to substantiate a limited in-formed entity that is in itself lacking a respect of what is here. Another way to say this is that I have rejected my right to life. 

I realize within this, that I can develop a processing ability, that is a natural ability, in relation to information. And this being a project ( -ed set body) of information as knowledge and information. And then realize its form and measure, its math with or without cross reference and focus onto what actually exists having done and understanding that development into real investigate work is ongoing and within using follow how money flows as a reference point for a moment. It is to say, in so many ways, the current of money shows what is supported, and the banks of this river showing the debris by what is a consequence not shared in the paper castles of this present system. One must actually look at the details of one’s life and what suppresses a natural ability and desire to understand and investigate how things work. 

Making the choice to watch tele-vision, as it now stands, is making the choice to suppress potential and override this potential with a busy-ness of distraction to placate. This appearing to cost little monetarily yet at the expense of one’s real potential and by extension the potential of everything around one.

In having slowed down and walked this process of realizing my own projections, imaginations, reactions, suppression, thoughts, back chats, entities of self definition in a game of survival, I can begin, to see, realize and understand how when another person speaks with me, that they are expressing knowledge and information lacking a real connection to what is here, and a consequence of a lack of this kind of practice overall in human existence. It is like a math, it is like a piece of music, all the parts moving around, some in tune, as some stable and focused and clear, and others coming and going having no real substantial consideration of creation as this physical reality all around us- this that we can reference in every moment if we let go of being mad, as all those chains of ideas and beliefs and opinions that we believe define who and what we are, when that is the ghost in the machine that is a limitation and as an acceptance and allowance of suppression of a natural potential to investigate and understand what is here, even behind this curtain of mathematical manipulations employed by a system that flows money to a few, just as we flow our focus on a limited entity of belief to define us, to allow us to survive, a cheap and destructive and violent suppression of the right to life given as what we are the day we were born. 

I walk away from this event yesterday realizing that getting mad is a distraction, and that I have the capacity to begin to process both separation and the measure of the physical.  Also, that what is free or cheap is not free. Someone somewhere has not received a living wage.  That what is simple, as myself expressing the real potential of myself, is not financially supported, and most probably not as much, economically, as I may think. Right outside my door, is so much. And, there are things that are not costly, that can benefit me. 

Most of what costs is allowing a metered payment, a little bit at a time, over a long period of time, supporting the present system that touts support and yet suppresses potential, a mirror of what we are allowing within ourselves. We allowed this, this has accumulated into a system, this is the consequence of our state of being. The way out, is to see this, to understand this, to realize the need for change, to realize the means of change. That river of money can flow to support the infrastructure of physical reality. The innovations are here, and the ability to sense that desire to discover is here. The paper castle is an illusion, it can only have the power we allow it to have. It is up to us to get the rivers that are drying up, going again and it starts with us, each of us.


This means using one’s will to focus here. This means slowing down and seeing the movements of imagination within one’s self and seeing this as the past, as not who one really is. This means realizing that we absorb what we are exposed to, and that this need not define us, yet can influence us, if we do not take the time to process this, it accumulated and causes cognitive dissonance with seeing the music of here, as this consequence of separation from what is real. It really is not a rocket science, and as all things, it appears to be hard, as change tends to be and do when moving from a set body of measures that have become habituated, into something new. Yet, this is a process of cleaning up mis-takes on life, on living and instead accepting life. One will make mis-takes, as is natural, as what the process of self discovery is and does. Yet to be focused here, in the abundance of reality as the physical, removes the separation dis-orders and by extension the processing dis-orders. Within this, conversations that are a ball of information bouncing back and forth, existing within an alternate reality, meaning  lack of respect for what is here in equality and oneness, will no longer reign and instead our rivers will flow once again with pure water, that is the currency of life.. It is, after all, natural to hear the music of the physical.  Look how naturally we absorb the limited information on the television? 




Wednesday, September 7, 2016

We are the manufacturers of our own separation from life. Where does our health insurance money go? Day 718

Sometimes an article comes up that I find so astounding, I can hardly believe I have accepted this, or rather, not researched it and looked at the numbers. Numbers do not lie.

This article about the payouts from insurance companies for the number of vaccines a doctor gives to children is unacceptable. Yet, it begs the question as to why we are allowing this overall. This means that we support incentives for vaccination with our insurance programs. This means that the companies producing the vaccines are not even paying the doctors, or rather, motivating the doctors to vaccinate children without investigation. We are allowing this when we do not investigate the monetary structures. We allow this when we do not follow the money- a statement that is ubiquitous. So many have said that one must follow the money. One must read, one must use a natural capacity to do the math, and investigate to realize that it is the web of all of us that maintains the present system. 

The idea of a superman is the opposite of what is real, as it is the web of men that build and allow negligent resource extraction, a mis-use of resources that effect all the life that is here on this earth. Again, it is the numbers of men, that build what exists or, as in the case of this article, hold in place, based on ideas and beliefs and opinions that have no real follow through into the forms and mechanisms of money flow. That money flow is your labor moving into allowing others to make decisions for you. It is the consequence of a lack of investigation, it is  a lack of the self sensing practical reality, what is right here, visible, known and written out in an article.

With a doctor potentially getting 80,000$ for fulfilling a quota of vaccination, paid for with your labor via insurance policies,  would that doctor really want to investigate anything about vaccines? Would you want to give up 80,000$ a year? Would you want to give up the comforts that kind of money would allow? Would you become irritable if someone threatened to take that from you? Would you turn a blind eye to patterns around you?  Just look at the math, a vaccine in itself does not cost 400$. Yet, you are paying this incentive to not look, to not investigate through your insurance policies.  This whole form, as this action, also begs the question as to why such incentives must be used, to buy obedience!

We are programmed to live a false story, a false and limited set body of information. This is why we are held in a school that only teaches through abstraction of information. This is the means for that limited inform of information. It denies one’s natural ability to sense qualities in space and time. This is so visible all around us in our loss of spatial ability. We have, for eons, believed that what we create with our imagination is greater than what is around us. It is as simple as that. The solution is to realize the mis-use of our imaginations and become living words, words that respect this world around us. We can use words to investigate this travesty of life, as this present system, and remove the veil of our separation into this busy work composed of limited values, made huge, and step into what has always been here, right in front of us, this manifestation of creation, a symbiotic and functional creation that reveals itself with the potential of a balance that can flow with ease and grace. This is the real nature of life, and it is always here.

An exanple is using our tongues. We can taste bitter, we can taste sour, we can taste something savory, or tart. These flavors reveal qualities. Something that is sour is usually more acidic. We can then investigate what acids do and how they work. The information is here, as we are in the age of information.  if we place a piece of copper in water and let it sit, we can then drink the water and realize a slight taste of copper. We can rub a piece of garlic on the soles of out feet and sense a taste of garlic on our tongues.  This is natural, and yet it has somehow become novel! How did that happen? Obviously, it happened because we allowed something else to overshadow these innate sensibilities. 

As yourself why the media is so ubiquitous? Ask yourself why there are systemic forms that pay doctors incentives to not LOOK HERE? Your capacity to live is go great, that to deny that capacity a film of information that is not the real story must be constantly imposed, and with systemic layers that are not fully disclosed yet must exist somewhere because it can then be construed that we accepted it. In effect, we did, because we dod not investigate. 

Life, by nature, is forgiving, it need only be accepted. This is one’s self. Either that self continues within a false use of the imagination or makes the choice to stand with steadfastness to redefine one’s presence back into all things, which includes the physical world.  How does one cause chaos? Through creating a belief in another world, with a god, to separate one from the real ‘ god’ which is this creation, this physical reality, this means to understand life, to sense it, to taste the nature of it and how it works in balance, in ways that do no harm and consider all things, taking that which is good. 


If these incentives for vaccinating children were removed, ( and our health insurance payments lowered- thereby freeing up our individual economies to have a greater ability to choose!) what would happen with the whole vaccine debate? Would greater numbers of doctors stand in understanding what is happening or not happening? Do we have the courage to ask doctors about these payments? Do we have the courage to face the storm of what is emotional resistance, that we all know very well, which is a persona of irritation and anger and name calling and blame? Can we realize in a moment, were we to ask questions directly in a doctor’s office that reactive behaviors towards such questions are a form of protection and defense in self interest? Can we stand without reaction ourselves and realize that what we face is a construct of misinformation cluttered with a limited set body of information causing a dissonance from practical reality? Can we step beyond our fears of being defined as being ‘ difficult’ and remain with making a statement that we need to investigate what is offered by this system without taking threats and name calling personally? It really only takes one time to not give in, after that it gets easier. We can do this, we can stand. Together. This is the real power, the web of men making the choice to relate words to real life, this life around us, and no longer accepting a limited story that has an outcome of separating us from life, from reality - so visible in a loss of a natural spatial ability, and an ability to taste the sweet and the sour, the bitter and the savory. Why not forgive the chaos of limitation and become what is natural?





Sunday, September 4, 2016

The markers of my own separation from potential Day 717

I understood through the years that using sympathy to make someone believe that they were just like one’s self, is a means of control, where a person gives all only to find that is taken and used in self interest, in survival against the one accepting a belief that one is the same as the other.

The problem with such activity, is that it diminishes the creativity of the person doing the preying, through this form of collective praying towards an entity as a belief that two are the same. It gives one hope and a false sense of security. Especially when one is vulnerable. Like after the death of someone one has been very very close to.

Such a person cannot be trusted. Yet, this is hard to see in that vulnerable state of loss. The natural desire of the absorbent ability of a human, is to move towards a connection. And within this, become blind to consequence and subtlety.  It is like a worm that creeps up in the night. One does not see it until the storm of it built has passed.

Usually, an inflexibility is visible. 

I have lived in a country where the language was not my mother tongue. It was interesting to watch fellow Americans learn the language, There were some who learned the language with such flexibility that when they spoke the foreign language, one could hear little to no accent. There were those who never lost a heavy accent of their mother tongue. It baffled me that this could happen.  The programming of the initial language and its characteristics, were never let go, or too embedded to change. I wonder if this in itself is somewhat of a red flag. Are other paths and means of behavior the same. Are there some things that are so embedded that change is extremely unlikely, and this in tandem with an ability to convince another that they are the same as the one doing the convincing?

This would be like trying to tell someone that they are not in love, even when that person believes it with all of themselves. It would be like talking to a wall.

What if that same person who preyed had no plan, while  breaking down what existed that was a time tested form, and that revealed the degree of an inability to change, as the required steps within that well known form, meant that one had to deconstruct and reconstruct, like changing one’s ability to process information, something that always leads to an inner  tiredness as the body must reform within- another thing that makes change appear overwhelming. One can work oneself too hard, and end up exhausted, and yet, the children that are to come are well worth this. And to realize that changing one’s self, like growing a new business, is known to take about ten years, that  it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill and/or twenty-one days to change a habit. It is after all, a math, and we all learn the same way.

Just as in learning new words, one must hold the form within one’s self and begin to generate that word, making mistakes and fine tuning along the way. So, does this on a grander scale, as in forming a business, starting on the ground. Some call this 1 + 1.

We tend to look for quick fixes, and these can end up slowing down the process, because one must return to the practical, on the ground process of walking.  I can remember the times I wanted to skim through something and ended up paying the price, because I had to then go back and walk the necessary steps. Steps that ended up, through time, becoming a friend, because they withstood the test of time. They are recognizable, because they are clear and have a quality of holding no promise. One is living and being present here.

If one is busy preying, through praying a false positive, then one loses one’s creative ability, one’s ability to change. One cannot see and develop the means of real action because one is busy preying instead of deconstructing and reconstructing in practical time tested measures. The two cannot and will not mix, as one is a running train and the other is taking care of the practical.

Such actions cannot be trusted. And they will in time steal all effects. The one who accepted the belief of sameness, will be left out with nothing. What would you do, stand against the cry of a belief in ‘ love’ or stay with what structurally makes sense and has proven itself through time and space? Would I reject the idol of belief- losing a connection, and in time take back the prodigal son who realized there was really only one way forward that lead to a greater sense of what is eternal having walked what is proven and  practical? Because on some level, I understood that there is only one choice in the end, and that we all learn the same way and that one must walk the most basic of steps, through all manner of tiredness and seeming rejection until one could stand?  And one doing this so well there was little to no accent of a past?


There is a moment that stands out for me. It is a past moment, where I was talking with someone. We were interrupted,  a sudden interruption, such a classic action that I know. The moment was lost. I could sense this, and yet I did not move back into this, I accepted a polite morality instead, this within a self imposed belief that I  was not enough.  And yet, somehow, it is never too late, as the practical is always right here, and the common sense of it is all around us.  It is like being sorry for something that was not done in a moment where I perceived potential yet let that go because of ideas, beliefs and opinions, my own overwhelming accent of a past that in itself was and is the behavior of having  preyed by day and stole by night.  In this, I separated from an innate ability to create.


Monday, August 22, 2016

What SPELLS have I cast, what SPELLS has Hillary Clinton cast? Day 716

Within playing the violin, I had to be aware of the muscles in my body because if they tensed, that tension built and then I was occupied in sorting that out and lost focus on what kept my place in the music, which was moving in those around me. 

At the moment, I am aware of energy moving in me. There appears to me to be a lot. Yet, someone reminded me that the energy is really very very small. It only appears huge. This is cool from one perspective because it reveals how by nature of our self as life, our presence, we can narrow our focus down to the smallest of things, and we can sense the whole of what is around us as well.  The energy within me , is where I accepted and allowed myself to focus for an extended period of time, on ideas, beliefs and opinions, that I did not resolve and balance back into reality, as all things, which includes the manifestation of form as the physical.  

What I notice is how much I have thoughts falling down into my body. Instead of myself cross-referencing what is here, I am projecting value judgements based on what I practiced as an abstract idea,  down from my head into my body. It is like this thick soup, heavy, dark, like a tar falling from within me.  It moves into various parts of the body, even into my chest.  There it resists addressing this very same thing in others, such an occupation of myself that problem solving because secondary to protection . 

I have a fear of people, which is related to another fear I have, as a paranoia of the paranormal. This, built in childhood, most probably because my parents were the same as me, as they absorbed this mis-take on reality from their parents, because that is the nature of life, to sense all things. This leads to realizing that the only thing to choose is that which does no harm, or, the choice is to move within what transforms in ways that do no harm- otherwise how does one learn how to create?  This is why my words must relate to this physical world directly. Each measure as each word, must trigger a relationship, as a respect of, what is here manifest as the physical.  This is living in consideration of all things. Within this, I would have no alternate reality of value judgements less than life, heavy, within and as me; this energy falling and moving around within me, that I accepted and allowed.

Just as in playing the violin, no one can do this for you but yourself, it does not matter who you absorbed that lead to this mis-take in reality as being the cry of why this has happened. This is not living solution; instead, in complaining one is that which one is being when one blames another, that other that has to do the same- no matter what.  Also, playing the violin, as an analogy here, means that one cannot understand until one is that capacity. In this world this means knowing one’s words and aligning them to reality. Then, to process this information with ease, to catch up to what has been a mis-take within and as one’s self, to see the patterns, to realize the movement, of which I am sure I have more to discover, as some are so subtle, within my own habit of resistance to life, that lead to a resistance to change, that lead to me separating myself from physical reality. 

As some may know, my husband committed suicide. I remember a time when I could see this coming, and a day, specifically, where I stood there in the hallway of our apartment at the time, and said to myself, “ what is it about he words” as I attempted to sort out what I could sense coming. Also, as I stood in front of a fourth grade class, and realized that the children were all over the place in their focus ability, and that all I could do is rebuild, just as I did when I taught the violin. It meant moving into the smallest measures and practicing them until they were stable, so that the presence of the person could expand to greater awareness of the space around them, or the information within an equal relationship to the space around them.  Those who know destini is related to Bernard Poolman must realize that what he did, as he was a stuck in his mind as the rest of us, that he had to process the information in this reality as words, to begin to see the patterns of the present system, and his own patterns of belief, to assess why there was so much destruction and not enough creation on this planet called earth. 

I can say, from the point of my own experience up until now, that realizing the energy moving within me, took time, and has more development towards realizing this. From the perspective of having and being within this, that energy appears to be so real, and so huge, that a perspective from within that, will believe, as in the will having accepted this, that that energy is real and all that is when it is not.   It is to say, that if you do not see the grass growing then you are not here, you as have I, rejected what is real, the physical world, for a false construct of ideas that is an entity within you. I cannot remember yesterday because I was not there, I was instead in a construct of information, limited and by such nature stagnant, within and as me, as energy.  Therefor, I have no real constancy, as life, because I was not in attention to life, as the physical.  I accepted a polarized story of information, that layered within and as me, becoming a personality of likes and dislikes, and believing that I had wants needs and desires that made me unique and special, when what was special, or is special is being life, being here, creating and living. 

In all, one has to get one’s processing speed up, one has to see, realize and understand that SPELL within and it manifestation as a world system that is not aligned with respect of all things, as the physical world, which is creation, which is the means of ourselves being in expression as life here. One has to catch up, so to speak, to the spin of energy, composed of ideas, beliefs and opinions , which means one must process the words as their spin holding the system in place AND as the constructs of value judgements within one’s self.  One could say that this started with religion, those first tech buildings filled with song and colored windows. One could say this started with agriculture, creating imagery, as icons of objects from nature, giving them a meaning within one’s self that was just this, a value within in separation from the real physical thing.  Thus, here we are, on earth, perhaps the last bastion of somewhat functioning physical creation, compounded down to a single point as this is all that is left from a race who idolize what is within without respect towards creation.   A respect and care towards all things is the only choice, as this is the real nature of life. It is the innate capacity of each of us. It is who and what we are as life. 

In all, I must realize my own SPELLS, to bring myself back to who and what I am as life, to stand, equal and one in respect of physical reality, as this is creation information.  If I cannot process the information as the spells, as my word relationship within energy/value judgements , then how will I realize my own accepted and allowed legerdemain that is an inferiority to life as that which is who and what I am that is my own separation from being present and equal to the will of and as me as life, here. 


Am I SPELLING courage or am I spelling chaos, as limitation and stagnation are a form of chaos filled with  projecting and imagining blame and worst case scenarios, gloom and doom, fear and reaction instead of problem solving.  Have I managed to move information, as the spells of men, to such a degree that I begin to see the patterns of my own accepted and allowed separation into limitation and by form, stagnation into a consequence of an energetic reaction  called value judgements that in space is so small yet made so huge, that an idea of that inform that I have accepted and allowed appears to be real, yet is not?  What am I spelling with this gift of life that is me? 

I mean have a look, Hillary Clinton evidently has Parkinson's dis-EASE,  how was that lack of ease, that lack of being present, created? From what was this limitation and physical stagnation built? As yourself, can you hear the grass growing, are you playing the instrument of you as life, or are you caught in a dream called energy? I would suggest increasing your processing of the spells speed, and self forgive this limitation that is a separation from life. It is stagnant - visible in a fear of change.  Would you want this for yourself, do you want this for this children to come? 


Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The more-than and the less-than symbols The Olympics of the mind Day 715

I can catch more and more myself moving into a spin in my mind, churning information around. Ugh.

Within this, I have a memory that is of a movement. It is myself, as a child, squeezing myself into something, like trying to fit into a piece of clothing that is too small. Is this myself, as that child, trying to see the way my parents see, to get along, to go along, or did I do this without judgement , just to try it out, out of curiosity and then get caught in the web, where I began to chase the promise of this that I was lost in that was the impetus to chase the promise of a more, a greater-than? lol, another memory comes up of using the greater and less-than symbols in elementary school. The  < and the > symbols. I remember being very confused by these symbols, I remember forcing myself to focus on them, as though I did not want to take this in. It seemed such a small and useless thing.  It has value. I guess. lol. 

Did this then lead to becoming a member of the code of these symbols, and then I started to play with such symbols, believing myself to be more intellectual, while ironically at the same time being scared that I did not see the obvious meaning of these strange symbols right away as I compared myself to my peers, the ones who had already crossed into being in understanding of this code? Did I define myself as my shame that was based on comparison that was a starting point of competition? These symbols were no longer ‘ only what they were’ they became something else, they had an emotional back log, one that become a resonant part of me, and remained to be a part of a shield of belief about myself that I carried around and had to process through as I moved myself in reality. I wonder if this was at about the third grade, that age, that period where the promise in children who have not accumulated such baggage can still process the objects in the world, even the value judgements in others that are the same stuff of accumulated baggage that begins to slow down one’s innate ability to process information. Was I entering this stage where as the infamous TED talk suggests that by the third grade child can no longer come up with 100 ways to use a paper clip. I probably entered the age of my own suppression of a natural ability through a layered emotionally charged story self accepted and self created, that started with myself squeezing myself to fit into that same outcome in my parents that lead to following an idea of a more, when I was that more to begin with!

This is the reason for the tool of self forgiveness and self corrective application, to use that great technology that is your physical body, that is by nature of great neural plasticity, to remove, through forgiveness those limited and polarized self judgements and to restore who and what you really as, as you as life, able and capable of realizing hundreds of ways to use a paper clip.
If not for yourself, at least do it for life, for the children to come, and the many sentient beings on this earth that abundantly surround us. The system of scarcity is an illusion, yet to step out of this, each must accept who and what they are as life, and realize their potential. No one can do this for you, you must do this for yourself. 


Join us. There are tools, and they are here to help you help yourself. Time to get this done.

http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity
https://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_changing_education_paradigms


Monday, August 15, 2016

Common Core and Sports games and my own thin-ing reveal how I work Day 714

One of the things in relation to the mind consciousness that I realize more and more, as I have written about this so much, is how  once I find myself  couched in thinking,  I spin around in what appears to be endless thinking. That thin-king I allow myself to be.  So much effort placed in thinking.  It is a form of imagining, taking things, events, and spinning them around and around in my mind.

How can I possibly be present if I am doing this? I have become the practice of what public schools have lead me to be, which I followed and allowed, to move as a limited story ( information) in a focus so narrow that there is no real information for me to problem solve. 

I am in separation from the physical reality that I used to learn to crawl and to walk and to talk. I have become a mind consciousness instead of being conscious, as was the natural way when I was born, of the world around me that was me, that is physical. The real information is life in manifestation as the physical.  My awareness has become caged in a box of informed, limited, practiced-at-slow-speed -only-set-body-of-information.  An awareness that will by nature quantify information, assess and investigate, or sense what is around me was caged in imagination only. my awareness  is voracious in nature, as it must be, to be in respect of everything that is here- unless it ignores what is here and entertains itself in a busyness that cycles in limited value judgements as thin-king. When we say and do things that are not grounded, meaning when we do not understand something enough, we get nervous, because we know when we do not know something enough to make a sound decision in self directing. 

It was not too long before I found desteni that I had moments in my life where I wanted this ‘ thinking’ to stop. I had realized in some moments, that I was in - deed spinning around information in my mind, looking for the lesser evil, assessing movements, trying to find a solution that would cause less damage to my own life. I had to some extent realized that something was not what was best within the system. 

This was more in relation to health and agriculture. I had also noticed something amiss in politics, meaning I had avidly read a conservative magazine from front to back each week - as I was more voracious about information than the information as the physical world  After three years of this, I decided to do what I had asked of the ‘ other side.’ This was to read not only one’s political enclave, to also read the opposition’s as well. What I found on line were articles that I had read from my ‘ side’  being placed in the other’s perspective. A few words were changed,  etc. It took me some time, I was reading something and realized I had read the same thing before. Then I noticed this more and more.  At this point I began to realize that the articles in the news were manufactured by the same people.  It was systematically spewed out! This is Machiavellian, it is placing value judgements out in the social collective, and creating chaos through division of ideas, beliefs and opinions.The internet is a competitive ground to inform the mind. It is a war for the mind. Within this we have allowed an economic system that allows only those who have accumulated money to determine what we think, and thereby what we eat, what we watch, as ideas, beliefs and opinions that inform us,as this is how we work.  There for, real information happens on the ground, one plus one- this very way that all that is built and here, has been done, right on front of us. 

Last night there was a post about common core. It was in relation to how math is being taught in the schools. What happens is not a ‘ bad’ it is an elongation of problem solving. That elongation is practiced again and again and again, out of a context of expediting information, a natural thing for a presence to do that has learned to sense space and distance and duration, enough to self direct their body with that sensing presence and to speed up their processing as what was unknown and seemingly huge, was made small and processed with greater ease. Within practicing elongated processing of how numbers move, again and again and again, one becomes this practice, it slows down what is natural, it acclimates the child to  slow motion thinking processes- one that can take years to change, or years to discover another measure of moving, yet by then, one is an adult, and has to make a living, so there is little time to change as one is now busy in doing the same elongated movements in the imagination and making a living where there are few venues to make enough to get out of being in a constant state of stress due to money.  Yet remember that no one can be responsible for you but you. Why? Because no one can put you back together but you. There is no way out of this. For this reason, blame and spite are pointless, they are not problem solving. They are what they are. You, as a physical state of being, are what you are. I become what I accept and allow. 

Another example appears in sport games. Those times when the team cannot seem to get out of a pattern, cannot see beyond the boundaries of their information. This in contrast to those games where the team comes out of being stuck, and change up the pattern of the game, to change the movement, the form, and do what appeared impossible in the previous moment, to win the game. One has to practice moving outside of one's set body of information- which means making mis-takes, a natural order in the process of learning.

Our money system reflects the movement, meaning the amount of money one makes is equal to the processing ability of reality with matching communication skills- meaning you really have to effectively know your words.. Noam Chomsky has said that the educated are educated just enough to believe they are educated, when they are not educated. If some within this limited state  compare themselves to others in this same state, one is competing in the business of information- a separation from life overall.  Within this one becomes agitated, nervous, anxious, because the information is not solid, stable, consistent and self directive. Thus, when we become agitated it is because we are moving as knowledge and information instead of respect and presence in reality, the physical.  We begin to become what I spoke of about myself in the beginning of this post; I find myself spinning in thinking and become a thin-king in relation to living fully in this spatial, physical, multi dimensional world that comes before that spin of thinking in my mind as evident in how I learned to crawl all by myself. 

Within my latest accepted and allowed bout of being a thin-king, I realized that I was moving energetically wanting to blame and spite, and I did not look at the mechanism of what is so much discord in our reality. That machiavellian tool of creating chaos. That means of infiltrating what was a emerging functioning well known system, to change the tune, in self interest. It was to begin to speak words again and again of a more, of another way, suggesting to another that there is a more, a greater with less effort.  Within this, that those others had deceived and  a response of "was that person making the money suggested?"

 At this point, I am more angry with myself, because I saw the seeds of this and did not follow through, I did not want to think something bad, because I believed myself to be morally good, so pointing out a sense that something was not ‘ right’ meant answering to it, and since I was not looking and since I myself was ashamed of my own fear of speaking up or out the name of deception, I protected my own  moral goodness- this that I had practiced for so long that it is habituated.  I was basically both in a morality and a fear of speaking up. I had practiced a thinking system of slow motion that was really a constant placating within justification that to see through the veil of my own self accepted and allowed conditioning, happened in tiny moments where I might sense something greater than my own accepted and allowed limitations- that were a resonance of thoughts as my living deed to myself, the waste of my innate ability to assess and investigate that I had been born with, that I had used to learn to walk, and to crawl and to eventually ‘ think.’  

And yet, the patterns of division are right there in front is me, this creation of chaos to then play the savior within, via solving the reaction to the problem instead of the problem itself.  Ironically I am told to reinvent myself- a pretty sounding truth overall.   I ask myself if I can read an article and process the information immediately, because this is myself being equal to the words and grounding them in reality, in the infrastructure of this world that is life information.

My memories are the shield of my own self interest, where I did not consider reality. They are a false morality, so they spin around in looking for a lesser evil, instead of being practical in a living relationship to physical creation information, manifest  all around us. What is within me  as thin-king is the degree to which I am present . The consequence of this practice in men in this physical world  is  an energetic resonance on top of the physical, because we become what we think about as this is how this works. We are creators.  We either realize oneness and equality, as actions of respecting all things and ensuring no harm, or we continue down this path of destruction. Blame and spite, rejection and suppression are not living, they are states of being that are not that presence grounded in respect of all things, living in respect of all things. The so-called pollution needing to be cleaned up is also a resonant pollution, that is energetic. The marker if this are behaviors of frustration and anger, of blame and spite, all easy to see in that they have no gentle quality to them, no patience, no presence of being. 

They are me when I become anxious, frustrated, impatient and nervous/shaky.  They can be seen embedded in the very way we move our legs and our arms. I mean watch a video of a young person who has mastered some physical skill to some degree, there is a great sense of presence within them- and to note, some have become automated in their movements. Parents and the system often turn such development into a performing monkey, and the presence begins to fade. I mean, in music there are stories of great violinists who learned the concertos at a young age, that as adults, performed very drunk, because the physical information they had learned and embedded into their physical bodies took over. The performer  was so bored and  the awareness caught in an end game it was unused  and  sought a deafening of itself through alcohol. Meanwhile the body performed.  

Think of a prisoner who readily goes into behaviors of intense physical lashing out, they are programmed in a lack of opportunity for development, they do not have the means to express and to order, as that state of lack has caused so many problems in moving themselves in reality that they cannot make a living and are so unable to self direct. We end up punishing them for this, which is obviously not the solution. The solution is to rebuild, to allow that presence to become what is natural, to return to being present through a practice of grounding themselves in this physical reality, to slow down and realize what does no harm in their movements, which means their natural rights to have the basic needs to support what they are as physical states of being must be unconditionally met. The removal of a fear of death, and a fear of punishment, would quiet them down, and reverse their attentions to slowly ground their beingness  back into being present in this reality, that is life. And yes, some are so far gone that this will not work, yet this must be the way because prevention is the best cure. It is time to realize that the physical is reality, is creation, and the mind is what reflects our degree of presence within that reality. Any blame and spite, causes discord, because it divides into value judgements that then fight among themselves.

Within myself, I realize that I continue to judge another when I face anxiety, nervousness, agitation in another. I want to resist, to become angry, as a sense that I am not being listened to. Yet, the answer is right there in front of me, just as when I catch myself spinning in information in my mind, my presence being what my presence as life is, a sensor of form and function, movement and expression. The quality of this so able to sense so many things, a quality that is a will of understanding and expansion, as this is the law of life, a natural  drive.  

I can catch myself spinning around, and stop. I can  realize agitation for what it is, without reaction towards it, as becoming a resistance of assessing it, realizing it cannot define me unless I allow it, realizing agitation is the marker of not having enough information to equalize to reality and direct in ways that do no harm.  I can say, in specific ways, that agitation is a marker of not having enough information, and that this agitation is energetic because it is a thin-king/ presence accepting limited information- a form of idolatry.  I can say that agitation is the a personification of information that cannot fit into the physical world, it is the self showing the self how fractionalized one’s awareness has become, and how distant one is from life. Storms pass, what is stable remains.  The trolls of limited information are recognized by generalities coupled with value judgements  as they are food for blame and spite instead of guidance towards understanding all things, taking that which is good and giving direction into a self discovery of self as life, equal and one, grounded here.  It is what allows the self as life to saturate who and what one is, as the awareness of the physical world being life information. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I become agitated, nervous, anxious I am in effect in separation from being present here, using the will of myself as life, the real nature of me as self, to focus here, to become patient and calm, stable and present, seeing realizing and understanding within this, that I abdicated myself as life, into an idol of informatiom, that is evident in my ability to process the information that is here that is me in another life as the physical world of life as creation information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand when and as I find myself caught in the thin-king of thinking, and within this to stop, to simply stop, as I will only lead myself to agitation and anxiousness, and uncertainty, thus it is to stop and to breath, and to slow myself down, to reverse what i have accepted and to ground myself back here, seeing realizing and understanding the storm is energetic and not equal in present to and towards a respect of all things, as the physical, all that is me in another life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to agitation, to anxiousness, to resistance, to want to react, to blame to spite, which is really myself not addressing directly what is here, especially when the solution is to listen, to slow down, to allow the storm to pass, as it is in itself an equation of generalities coupled with value judgements, of which reaction to and towards within me have the same quality as agitation, anxiousness and uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose survival before what is best for all, meaning to act in my own self interest before a consideration of all that is me in another life, that is around me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the con-sequences of what I have accepted and allowed as information, that I have programmed myself to be and that becomes resonant within and as me, are the responsibility of myself to reform, to being back down to earth and ground in actions, in thought, word and deed, to and towards what considers all things, to take that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to disempower myself as life, as the presence of life that is me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive towards what is agitation, anxiety, uncertainty, within a belief that this can define me, or destroy what I have defined myself as, and within this to realize the solution as this very anxiety is  a sign of not having enough practice as presence in reality, as not being grounded in the simple, as paying attention to all things, taking that which is good and grounded as this is realizing what does no harm.

When and as I find myself lost in thin-king I stop and I breath, I slow down to reassess and listen, to realize the passing storm that by the nature of energy cannot withstand the test of time,  and that this within and as me, is a marker of myself not being myself as life, present and willing that very nature of me to live what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself reacting to agitation, or to not realize its state of being, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to assess and read what is the state of being as myself and to stop, to live the words calm and stable, present and silent, to take back the power of myself as life.

When and as I find myself feeling disempowered, I stop I breath, I slow down and use the nature of myself that can get lost in thin-king, to see, realize and understand that this same presence can stop, breath, assess an investigate reality that is all around me, ever present, to realize what does no harm, and to realize actions that need no anxiety or suppression, as these by nature are clear and also are visible, present, grounded.


When and as I face anxiety, anxiousness, uncertainty, I see realize and understand in practice , as myself, in the details of thoughts, words and deeds as the tools of living here, to assess and investigate until I am present in the information of the physical to direct in ways that give as I would receive as this is the design of self discovery, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, this that is living the consideration of all things, this that grounds and respects the physical.