Becoming a point of change, where change is a starting point in every moment.
I am sitting with someone, and listening, I realize I am beginning to get tense, as though I am forming into something. The other day in a supermarket, I realized that I wanted to press a picture, as a form as an idea, onto something. The motivation was to protect against some idea of resistance that I believed was impossible to move through in my world/environment. The pull into this belief so real, or so I believed!
There are also times when I rush, as I have not cleared a structure to walk into within me, and I resort to my accepted and allowed experience. Here I have to not only realize my own habits, but also, take in what I resisted, as my fear, and a new movement as a measure to be a solution that remains within a law that is constant, a principle that realizes what can remain eternal, which is what is best for all, considering all things as much as I am able, as it is here that things are done, created, sustainable, synergistic, meaning easier to transfer understanding of means and ends.
I am so used to moving in defensive ways, that seeing my own defenses in terms of addressing fears, that are a mistake on reality, that moving through emotional veils is like realizing that underneath it all, one can find stability in being honest. Brutally self honest.
When anxiety comes us, I have to breath, slow way down, realize where I have accepted an idea, composed of a polarized fear that uses dimensions of reality, the personal, the collective, the direct and the indirect, to justify my separation from really looking at what is right in front of me as the physical to live self responsibility. What I have allowed is a huge smoke and mirrors show within and as me, to resist being present in this reality here. It is really insane what I have allowed.
I had a dream the other day; People were assessing my house, and seeds were falling from the seams of my house - like where the ceiling meets the walls. In the dream I went to look at what I first perceived to be little black balls/shapes, and they were sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. I was anxious that the people assessing the house were going to find the seeds falling from the seams, yet I could see that the people had already been in that part of the house. Amazing the detail I can imagine, like filling in the shapes in a coloring book with color! Yet what is real? My imagination or the physical?
All the parts as the objects of the dream were of subjects I had encountered the day before in some way. And the underlying anxiety with the images my mind consciousness had used, was my own fear caused by a separation from considering all things, being grounded in reality. I could spin around and around in the symbols or I could also bring this into the context of practical living, not aggrandizing some value trying to build some kind of meaning to define me because I accepted and allowed disrespect for all things, the physical. I am thus able to let go in every moment, and change with every breath, listening to here, grounding myself to see the next movement as my accepted and allowed imagination and what is real and here. I can remain equal and one with the physical life around me. I choose to be a disciple of life, the physical. I can quantumly change within, reform within and become the practice of equality to all things in every moment. Here, there is nothing to lose and everything to gain. I can be thankful for every moment, accepting it and taking that which is good and does no harm.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from myself as life, as that which can assess all things, taking that which is good and does no harm.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I can assess what I have accepted and allowed, and change this within and as speaking self forgiveness, to realize the measure I have accepted and allowed within, to name it, as like cures like, using dimensions of reality, as qualities of reality, inflated or ignored, hidden indirect or direct references, lacking cross reference to what is real, my owned thought words and deeds can be grounded in respect of life, which is physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing some value, as I have accepted and allowed such a value to give me meaning, all done in my imagination, in separation from respecting all things as what I am as a physical beingness, a seed information of the measure I accepted and allowed coming to fruition as a mind consciousness allowed to be larger than what is real as the physical world of the information of life, right here in front of me as me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen realized and understand that the limitations caused by my separation from considering all things educed spite and blame behaviors of uncertainty and lack as my focus and what I allowed to direct me, here, and are the result of my own compounding consequences of separation from myself as life, the presence of myself as life in respect of physical beingness.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to manipulate my awareness into a memory made larger than reality, an imagination made larger than reality, as I believed the inner measure to be more than the outer world, and for this I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I accepted and allowed competition, believing my within to be more than the without as the consequence of my separation created an inferiority to life, and a desire for survival in fear of loss and the ensuing uncertainty as a mind consciousness built of imagination, an abstract that was not equal to the practice of living.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject life, within and as believing my inner imagination to be more than the physical reality on which this imagination existed.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being practical, as this, or so I believe, means that I must move against an enlarged imagination, a memory, a me more, when that me more cannot have the promise appearing to be real, as that promise has no real grounding in creation, as the physical, as the practice of living.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the measure of my anxiety is equal to measure of my separation, and hence, I can assess my separation built of ideas, beliefs and opinions, and ground this back into a normal applicable practice that allows the expression of life , a participation in life, in ways that do no harm, here.
When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess what is here, within and without, asking question to define the terms, to then build an understanding from which to ground into a step by step practice that is a structure equal and one to the means of life, as physical reality, here.
When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath, and I accept the measure of my separation as a gift, to realize the definitions of my separation, the parameters of my metaphysical personality, to realize what I accepted and allowed as a measure, sensing the emotional pulls and the feeling justifications that in terms of withstanding the test of time, have no real sustainability, and hence I forgive them, define them, name them, ground them here, into and as what gives direction, into considering all things, here.
When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath, I assess, I investigate, I define terms, I understand, I take the time, I sense the space of here, until I discover my own accepted and allowed covering of imagination made larger than life, to become a beingness in oneness and equality here.
When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I take the time to investigate to understand a measure with clarity, as an awareness of not only myself, and my accepted and allowed separation into a mind consciousness, to ground myself in respect of all life as the physical reality that is life in expression all around me.
When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath, and I change, I accept the gift of life, as my own acceptances and allowances of belief, opinion and idea, my personification of limited values, in a belief that I had to compete to survive, and I stop, I slow way down, and I assess and investigate to understand, defining terms, until I self correct from a memory made larger than life, to one equal and one in consideration of all things, to see, realize and understand in thought, word and deed, that which is best for all, as this is what is best for self, here.
When and as I find myself fearing to lose something I believe defines me, I stop and I breath, and I return to silence, a point of nothingness, and I breath, I slow way down, I realize the value of life as physical beingness, and change within and as me, investigating the physical world, to see, realize and understand that which is best for all, here.
When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I realize my own accepted and allowed limitations as beliefs, opinions and ideas, and I realize I can change, thus I can accept what is expressed, understand, investigate, and self direct in ways that consider all things, taking that which is good, that which moves with ease, that which feels good, and become the living word in thought, in word, and in deed, here.