I notice that I get anxious when I think of dealing with the paper work systems. I have an idea, in opposition to my reality within this. Why? Because in my reality I have done a lot of paper work, and managed to walk through it, even correcting mistakes. I have created a relationship of anxiety in tandem with this. One movie I watched inflates this fear. It was the movie Brazil.
In the movie Brazil, much of the paper work is automated. One day a fly gets caught in the typing mechanism and a letter is changed causing a person by the new name to take a fall and lose their livelyhoods. Thus, I have a fear of systems in the paper work world. On some level I sense the lack of responsibility within the system. In relation to this, I have never trusted administrators. And yet, administrators are people, and they can relook at things and instead of resisting ways through paper work, can change things and find solutions that allow no harm and sustain structures that benefit everyone. It is not a one-size-fits-all scenario.
Movies that go to the extreme of gloom and doom, as our media has become a control mechanism, use emotions to polarize perception into ‘ what if’ scenarios that lack all respect for practical steps in consideration of solving problems in such a way that a person functions in society. Even as I write these words, being structurally clear within my words is difficult. I notice I have to use a lot of words to say something that is really very simple.
My experience with systemic paperwork is different from my imagination. My relationship to paper work is that it requires me to fill in the slots with information. I have done this many times, it usually takes much less time that my idea about doing it. I allow a polarized and inflated idea slow me down, creating an emotional lag that takes me away from the practical application.
Paper work is information communication, that is all. Because of this, it means to slow down and look at the information and order it in a way that causes no harm. It is to ground the information into being practical, balancing out the ledgers, so that things are clear. I also realize that If I organize the information, I am then ready to do the paper work that is a record of my actions.
Also, in the process of grounding myself more within structuring paper work, I have realized that realizing what I do can be known. In this moment, it begs the question a to why children are not taught about recoding money transactions, as this is a math, and within a family, not too hard to organize. The only reason not to do this, is that one does not really want to look at what one does.
Thus, by degree, the lack of being responsible, only mirrors the emotional values used to direct instead of the practical on this physical practical world.
Personally, this would mean that when something is not working, I am essentially not focused here, and instead I am in some meta-physical construction of value judgement within myself. And why? Because the physical world is right in front of me, it is right here, and my relationship to it, is either in consideration of it, as the means of life, or myself in separation from it acting in self interest as ideas, beliefs and opinions, based on class, race, nationality, or, borders of self interested and drawn values accumulated from a past of ritual defining my values, that I have allowed to become greater than the real world around me. My morality in self interest, defined in every word I speak and every move I make as the information that I have allowed to program the physical that is the means of my existence here on earth, when not focused here, in the practice of living, will not fit into life. This will cause consequences that harm through a lack of consideration. I am running in time and not equal to life, to what is outside of time, as what withstands time, as what is eternal. This would mean, as has been said many times, that time is an illusion.
I realize in the years I played violin that what I practiced, how I did it, with every move, would inform my actions. And that if I did not check the structures I had built that would become well known, they would begin to run in an automated way. I had to not only know the structure and move with it with ease, I also had to use the structure, or cross reference the structure, which could be done in an instant. There were times when I missed something and I had to go back and check everything carefully. I had to find the glitch. When things were clear, I could move with ease. When I was within this state, then when encountering new things, I could change with them, or note what I missed and correct it. Also, within this, find my place within a moment of not understanding, quickly. This is how important structure is, a clear and sound structure. This is the accumulation of a perfect practice, with presence and awareness of what one is doing.
How we are, within our world is the same. How things work and our relationships to things, can be clear. If we take the time to understand this, we can work with things in such a way that we realize mistakes, or a need to slow down and realize new things that we had not encountered before, living in such a way that such moments only enhance our awareness of the values in this physical world that are creation. We can become equal and one in standing as life, as the value being life. It really is not so far away from us, because it is right here, in plain sight.
The illusion is but a wisp of separation as what is constant is the substance of life in everything that is here.
When it comes to paper work. I can organize and record my actions. Any fears about this, are ideas, beliefs and opinions. The way out of this is to slow down and walk what I have practiced and align it to reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not immediately slow down and breath when and as I find myself facing paper work.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not say to myself that I can become slower, as in taking the time to be within care of the small within and as doing paper work.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that paper work is a simple math in many ways and thus, I can as with all things, slow down and realize the measure, and form a clear awareness of what I am doing to make sure things are clear though checking the parts that make the whole.
When and as I find myself moving into anxiousness about paper work I stop and I breath, and I walk the ordered steps to cross reference and check what I am doing until I feel that what I am doing is clear, and to realize that should I make a mistake there is only moving into correction, and more often as I have experienced in life, the same mistake more than likely would not be made again as this is how we learn, thus a mistake need not define who and what I am.
When and as I find myself reacting with an emotional value about doing paper work, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that this is an emotional lag from my own past acceptances and allowances of ideas that ore of fear about possible ' what if' scenarios and instead to realize I am here.
When and as I find myself fearing the system, I stop and I breathe, and I see, realize and understand that the systems are composed of people, and that more than likely, people would rather find solutions and minimize problems, as this is the real nature of life.