Sunday, April 20, 2014

Day 541 The MAZING mind.

I am dealing with a family that has problems with their children. I have talked with both parents and the child. Having watched so many children, specifically read, their body movements, the way their eyes move, where the very music of them stutters, I look at the child speaking with me, I ask some questions, just to get him to speak, so I can hear the words, see how he moves, like when I taught children violin. I had to watch to see if the form, as their bodies, was in alignment, balanced, and how they were moving as the blocks as the notes, because when one reads music, one see the patterns as blocks, and takes in the form of this. Playing the violin takes an awareness of many angles, and to get this to come out in balance as a child, takes some “ reconfiguring.” One has to know where things are not flowing, even within. With reading and speaking it really is no different.
I listen to this boy. I speak with his parents. I notice there is spoken agreement. But, when it comes time to organize, nothing.  It is like seeing a seed emerge and then no capacity to follow through. the whole scenario will be sabotaged with this action. But then, this is somehow understood because they had reached out and come to me.  The only thing is to call this out and walk the limitations in the way, direct through this, make it plain, and either the action is taken or not. I feel responsible for the steps that would lead to self responsibility. But the maze appears too much to me.
So, I find myself going into planning, emotional planning, to face what comes. I remember that everything was analyzed in my family, about every single action one made in various situations. Then the fault line was pointed out.  The verbal punishment ensued, the reprimand. I felt that i was trapped because the questions came at me, where i was caught in answering but never allowed to ask the questions.  Perhaps, as I became older, I then started to ask more questions, or bring up more variables, as is natural, but then used this, when successes had been made, as a way and a means of deflecting the whole situation so as to pre-empt where I for saw within the event the fault line. So, I got caught up in a game of avoidance tactics, smoke and mirrors, using my sense of space and time to  build my own castle walls. This is like consuming an ability in very narrow and limited ways, instead of using this to actually see the totality of what is here that would bring one to act in such “ mazing” ways ( yes, why do we just use the word amazing and not the word “ mazing” When in effect this is what really happens. )
This brings me back to the boy and his parents within whom I am interacting at the moment.
I am dealing with the “mazing” that is the same as what i have done, even though the specifics are perhaps of slightly different measure. But, somehow, there is awareness of this “ mazing” effect, this self sabotage.  We are not seeing that, just as with learning to play the violin, we create what we are within, and we are responsible for what we create within, and what we create within becomes our tool of measure in reaction the the world. What each must realize is that every one of us is doing this, were we not, were the balance of each human more on the side of consideration and respect for this world, then our system would be more a system of care for this life, and since it is not, the majority of us, that have jobs and a roof over our heads, are more than likely a mazing of  avoidance in being honest and as such, enjoying, really enjoying, being here, interacting with this reality. Instead we are caught up in our own heaven and hell fantasy in and as our minds, we are not being direct and equal to reality, realizing our mis-takes, as only this, as a process of learning to become life,  we are hiding, using that which enables us to respond and measure the outside world, and building an inner maze that has forgotten to enjoy what we are in essence doing as beings on earth, which is to learn, to enjoy, becoming functioning beingness with this world.
I find, within this realization, that my back is screaming. Like standing and being clear, will end up causing reactions, but I would want someone to be patient with me if I had become this, I would want that non-reaction as ego if I were in the other’s shoes. I would want the slow and careful patience which was given to me at times in my life that allowed me the space, that even showed me the space to see my own movements, my own measures, to realize them and then add more awareness to my own mazing actions so that I could begin to move with ease, which is to move with humility, humbleness, patience, and self honesty and actually begin to enjoy being here because it is here that I am life.
Stop and Look at your own mind constructions, built over time, where the forest is no longer seen through the trees. To begin the journey is free. DIPLite. And free Interviews. Become the patience you would want for yourself.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Day 540 Being a Leader and Being Self Responsible

Being a leader and being self responsible.

I remember when I first went and lived in Europe that I felt overwhelmed by the towns, like the very stones in the cities were filled with stories that were a burden, heavy. I would find solace in nature, under a tree. And I remember asking myself why I found more ease under a tree than I did in a city street, when the tree was around far longer than that city.
In all, though the burden of discord as the past of the behaviors of men, the abuse of labor etc. may be in every measure of stone, to allow myself to be influenced by this, is in itself a rejection of what is basically a story, that is all. I can’t really understand how we got to where we are if I don’t understand the movements that lead to all that is within me, as my reactions and all that is without me, as the world around me.
If I resist, then that which I resist persists, because it is myself rejecting something, which means I am not clear with something to the point where i am at ease. To be at ease, is to have no fear, to be clear in understanding, to realize that I am able to move with what is here, and that I cannot be hurt unless I am not paying attention. Also, at where we are now, as what has been accepted and allowed on earth, there are, in common sense, some things that one does not participate within, because humans have become, basically zombies caught in a web of their own making, that is not a web of support and respect and “ understanding” development of what it means to life as a physical bio-organic entity on this earth, where this physical beingness is a visible and practical expression, as real expression is. 
I remember saying to people when they viewed me as being talented because I played the violin, I would say, no, it has nothing to do with this, it is simply walking the steps and doing it, that is all. In all common sense. But then, this is being responsible. Pretty words are just pretty words, “ real “ words look at what is here, real words are living words, that lead, that give direction, that show development. Real words that do not punish or reward, give direction, give the ability of each human, to become self empowered, self directed, responsible. Thus, leading is giving self empowerment, absolutely. Real leadership, expects no reward, because it understands that the real reward is to direct all that is here, as each human being, the ability to become self responsible.  Because this increases the ability of men to create as each point, as each man, can come together and create a world that enables the whole orchestra to perform, and that it is this that builds a sound of life. So, when we support this physical world, in ways that do no harm, we create a web of life that is in full function, full expression, full potential, because this is how we support ourselves to our fullest.
We need the perspective of every person on the ground, to have the insight needed to understand what supports and builds a planet where every inch is performing as its form allows it. one man’s idea as the mind, cannot possibly realize this, hence the idea of a superman is an impulse to create a dream connection instead of an equal connection to what enables us to exist in life formation, which is the physical world.
It must be understood that every leaf on every tree is moving with the total expression of what is best for all, every turn, every sway, every single movement, it is an absolute purpose of allowing life to express in full potential. When we humans impose ideas onto this, we become separate from this, we become unequal to life.
I have somehow, reacted to misunderstanding as rejection, which means I am expecting understanding without standing consistently as understanding, and as such listening to realize the limitation/rejection/measure/focus cannot hurt me unless I accept and allow it, because as human beings, what we inform ourselves as, is what we become. If our information within is not equal in understanding to that which we are without, then that separation causes an inability to direct ourselves leading to a consequence of instability that develops a lack of self trust. 
When my husband died, I would weep. A very strange sensation to have rivers of water flow from your eyes, to such an extent, that your shirt becomes all wet. This crying is really the shame self faces for not standing equal and one to and as life here. It is the recognition that life is not being lived, and the hurt is really self not living, which self cannot blame anything other that self.
The only way out is to stand, here, equal and one in common sense of practical physical reality, to move within the purpose of realizing that this is it, what we create here, is what we get, and it is the whole of this planet that is to be considered with every breath we take.
As long as I believe I am not being understood due to any measure of loss, and am hurting because of this, I am not here, I am not becoming responsible for what I am within and for the effects of this without because I can only direct as what is best for all if that ease as life is to become what it is that is the I am, as myself as life here. And to realize, that that interaction, that communication, is the expression of myself as life here.
So, when I have an emotion of resistance I look to the belief behind that emotion.
When I feel hurt, I look to what expectations I have had and where I am not being clear about how we as humans are informed and how we have believed that information within to be more real than the physical world of life without.
What I need to exist - besides practical basic needs given what we have allowed to form as life on earth - is myself as life, here, as this is what allows even that fantasy as mind, as consciousness that is what presently exists in men that is not equal in measure to the composition of ourselves which is reality, here which is what enables life. The solution, to equalize ourselves within to create a world without, that is an expression of leading ourselves as life, is to support a Living Income Guarantee, so that we can begin to equalize ourselves to what supports this world in ways that do no harm, because it will allow us to see our own cognitive dissonance, our misinformation,  our chaos, to become what is very simple, ourselves as life in-formation.

Day 539 The Me-sure as Mind Consciousness

Ego will never grasp the simplicity of self forgiveness. Bernard Poolman

Many times when I find myself solving a problem, the solution is there in a moment, it is of a common sense awareness, and it comes with ease. I respond with a sense of awe, wondering how and why I did not see something so simple in the first place. This happens a lot within the Desteni I Process.
This happens so often, that when I am not humble and at ease, moving here in this way, I have once again allowed myself to become the chaos of the mind. I am moving within a very very limited awareness, as I allow myself to follow a very limited construct that has become a concrete abstract of reality. It even uses the very substance of reality, as the physical to exist.
This happened yesterday. I had a fear, and idea, a theory about something I had to do. I began to “ think” about it, but not in relation to a practical common sense. Finally, I decided that I could only walk reality once I was within the situation I had allowed ideas built from uncertainty, as fear, to begin to infiltrate my being, here.
Interesting, that as I write this out, I am suddenly heavy with tiredness, just as what happened yesterday when I got to this point of letting my picture show go, and realizing that I can only address the situation in reality. Also, to note, that I had the practice and the principle of what is best for all as my framework.
This tiredness does have a thought, here, it is “ I am tired of trying to explain..”  Behind this, is a memory of trying to explain in so many ways, forgetting within this that learning to explain something in very simple ways takes time. Also, that I have to explain from experience, meaning real live practical experiences that I realized I had moved in a way that was in separation from what is simple, which is what is best for all. Always, there was division and ideas of losing something within a limited measure, a limited paradigm, a PARA digm that i had accepted and allowed within and as me. The tick tock of the pendulum from weighing and measuring the good and the bad, the “ what if” based on a picture within a system that is the same separation from reality. This chaos,  through division into more of less,  used values to determine choice, when that moment of simplicity, is found standing outside of this chaos of division into good and bad. This means to realize the physical world as the real sound expression. This physical world’s sound expression when left to itself , without a human consciousness mind-made-bigger-than-reality-consciousness, will naturally organize itself, balance itself, so it is here, in the real world that I see and can become symbiotic with what is me, the same as me, here. And this is the inclusion of all that is here, accepting all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I am tired of trying to explain.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become my mind only, and to believe that there is only an either/or outcome of win or lose.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare within a measure of win or lose.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, from this point, go into self judgement within a limited criteria of what is good and bad in relation to how I look, how I speak, my capacity based on my past of an innerstructure that I relate to as a late/past measure of what defines success according to a system of inequality where I slow down and I breath, and I stabilize into  what is the real value, which is myself participating, equal and one to the very sound of life here, which moves with the absolute purpose as a function information of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ashamed of myself for not considering all life as me, with each thought, word, and deed.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fault myself, which is myself as a starting point in default of realizing that what is here as the physical is the means of my existence is the sound as the formation that moves in practical ways, on which I impose a limited construct as the very being of myself in a state of separation where I place value on limited aspects of multiple expressions of life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an idea that I am not good enough, and as this to go into self pity, the pit of self as mind, operating within a limited measure manifest as a vapid , a vapor that is destruction instead of creation, a smoke and mirrors show, a valley of good and evil, that I allow as a mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that in fearing, inferring such insight as what existence is, as mind, I am in essence, not equal and one with and as myself as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I fear facing the storm of separation in others, I am accepting and allowing a fear of loss of what is a construct of limited values of good and bad, as I have allowed to define me, which is myself not looking here, seeing the patterns of separation, and as such myself not existing within common sense, and as such, this physical movement within and as me, becomes a heavy physical sensation of an inequality with that simplicity and humility that moves with ease, here, and as such, finds solutions and the directive capacity that is equality and oneness with and as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this default state of being, as mind, has no directive function because it is clouded by a fear of making a mistake, which is in itself an abdication of equality and oneness with and as the physical, and myself projecting based on a past as the details that build the judgement that does not move with the sound information of the physical that is life, here, of which I as life an one and equal to and as.
When and as i find myself becoming tired, I stop and I breath, and i slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that I can only face separation from common sense, and realize the patterns of separation as the voice of separation, as a separation is always on the lookout for reunion with the loss and/or looking for the loss as a gain, and as such visible, and able to be called out by name and realigned into solution as self discovery within and as the principle of what is best for all, here.
When and as I find myself having the thought of “ I am tired of explaining” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see the that i am allowing the word “ explain” as an idea become bigger than actual common sense participation with and as life, as I can only have an explanation in the moment, here, thus the idea of explaining, I have accepted and allowed as an entity within and as me, that I am carrying as a burden, having allowed myself to become overwhelmed, which is myself in separation from common sense as that which can exist in simplicity, as equality and oneness here, where solutions are found that are stable and withstand the test of time here.
Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that explaining something is tedious and as such a burden.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become this ambiguous idea that explaining  is difficult.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory, as a measure of myself here, of which I have allowed to become an entity as a self definition as a belief, that becomes a burden as this state of being I allow within,  as what directs me in the moment here, slowing down the common sense ability of myself that can only walk the details of practical living, step by step, here.
When and as I find myself believing that explaining is tedious and a burden, I stop and I breath, and I do not define myself as an idea as my past, and I realize that self correction takes practical alignment, here, in common sense of the physical reality, and that the solution is always right there in front of me, and can move with ease, thus it is only what I accept as mind that is the separation, here.
When and as I find myself fearing the reactions of mind, I stop and I breath and i slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that reactions as mind, are a definition that is ambiguous, and that this when used to define must deconstruct to reconstruct, which is a process that at times will react to change, and as such that reactions are objections to change, of which the only solution is to walk through with humility and patience, here. as what is allways the only way and means of life, is life itself, the expression, the creation of which, is to exist within and as what is best for all.
When and as I find my self becoming heavy within and as my head area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am stable, and breathing with ease, I realize that the process of remediation, as the me-sure as mind, is in a process of change, and reformatting to walk in equal measure with practical physical reality, where I become the directive principle, equal and one to and as life here, and within this, that a speeding car, has to slow down and turn, when changing from a high speed and that that turn appears to be a loss, a nonmoving moment, but in essence this is a movement that is not a value, simply a movement, a transformation from separation into common sense as mind structure.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Day 538 Self Forgiveness Arguing Limitations

 Yesterday I had a lot of back chat coming up. I would notice this and then find myself in another scenario, an imagination in my mind. Each time, I was like a victim, but arguing, as in justifying my stance. It went from explaining things to a family member, which I forgave and then stopped, only to find the same thing happening about a disagreement with a neighbor.  I forgave this, and then I went into a “ what if” scenario. By the evening, I began to notice this pattern within myself, myself the victim and the world needing something explained. 
At the moment I have some decisions to make that are taking some time. And, I am learning how to speak with others in ways that I have not directed myself within using a specific kind of structure. Within this, what is interesting is that my music background keeps popping up. I begin to see everything like a movement. Like a multidimensional movement, and then I want to explain all of this. But there, within this, remains this defensive approach, as my patterns are showing me, my starting point is from myself believing i am a victim, which means I am not standing equal to what I am presenting, because there remains this sense of not being understood, or being a victim, which also means that I feel inferior, incapable, which in turn means that I believe I hold something superior. The polarity game spinning around as an argument, imagination in and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to come from a starting point as a belief that i am a victim.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I am not understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an idea that i am not understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not understood based on a past, where, perhaps this is from when I was a child and did not have the vocabulary, the inner measure as the words to explain myself in ways that were clear, and even if I did, as I was a child, that perhaps the adults would not have heard me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want another to stand equal to me in understanding as a starting point, instead of standing equal and one to and as the words and measure of description that I am communicating.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use communication from a starting point of accusation, in a protection and defense manner, which make the matter that I am focused on a point of fear with an imagination of  an idea as a gain, and as such a fear of loss, of failure, instead of  common sense , here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it takes time to reform and transform misinformation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self blame, when and as I have not had an outcome that matched an expectation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, carry the past with me, and fear an outcome that does not meet the expectations I expect.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then go into a self expectation that impossibility exists.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the misinformation of judgement within and as me, which I have accepted and allowed, is too much, is too deep, is a lot, that it is impossible for me to ever clear this up.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am mis-understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I have been saying something, over and over again for two years, and it appears that i can get no one to hear me, and that the fault of this is that I have too much cognitive dissonance that it is impossible for me to be able to reach others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe , within this, that I am a hopeless case, as others have come and are in the leadership position, because I could not speak in ways that allowed others to be equal in understanding.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel so confused, because I had stood in front of a group of children and thought to change the very fabric of their understanding, and what I walked with them had an immense effect, to such a degree that the reactions of the adults was one of silence, and here I am having moved into more understanding of this, and still, I have not been able to reach anyone, even when I practiced what i preach - so to speak, with positive results.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I stand in from of a mass of movement, and still I am not heard, within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have such a thought.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel frustrated when I do not even get some kind of response from another, and to have the thought that this is what is happening.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand within this that I can only be here, that a cup is a cup, and a word is a measure of here, and that this is the value of the word, in that it is a unit of measure of here, as it can really be nothing other than this.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the emotional/feeling movement within and as me, is myself not being equal and one here, as I can only address what is the state of measure, within and without here, and that it takes time to balance out misinformation which means walking this in thought word and deed again and again until it is done.
When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that the fabric as the world around me, and the movement as mind as men, gives its separation away as the words spoken, and as such can be realigned in common sense of what has been accepted and allowed, in a world where men exist as energy as idea , impulsed for generations within a system of each human abdicating the within as life into limited measures of awareness of space and time, and as such creating a separation from functioning in equality with practical reality,  as the starting point was an idea of a more than, where the memory within and as the inner structure of the human, is a me sure as a me more, as a value judgement of the within picture being more real that the without reality that is what allows that within to exist, thus it is for me to stand here, within and as what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, and to see, realize and understand that in arguing my limitations, I am, as a whole, not standing equal and one here.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Day 537 Going into Mind Consciousness Self Forgiveness

So much knowledge and information as what I have learned, as what I was taught to believe as how I measure this world, has me comparing and competing based on a limited framework of survival. The mechanism of the social contract accepted and allowed by men, where money determines one’s ability, one’s opportunity, and as such, one’s development. This happens by degree on so many levels, and as we are physically living in a relatively small circle, we get caught up in the immediate measure of our world only, and lose sight of the total structure of the world, the systems, the consequences in detail, about what is happening. And while we are in our daily lives, the apparatus of the world around us, as the system makes small incremental changes over time, and before we know it, as we see happening in America, the money system has shifted to one of extreme inequality.
Yet, this extreme inequality has been around for a very long time. Were it not then there would be no starving children. Since we have not taken care of the dis-ease, it has only grown. And this dis-ease has two forms, one of greed, and one of lack, one of excessive accumulation of money and goods, and the other side of this coin, children dying of starvation and environmental pollution.
This coin, of extremes, the consequential polarities the faces of this coin, are in total the limitation that in itself is a separation from common sense. And common sense is what is lost when we remain within small circles of understanding. This understanding ONLY in our immediate environment, without being responsible for what is happening all over this world.
This is really why the only solution is the realization that we are all equal in substance, because it will allow a respect for the whole, the full potential of an innate common sense that at the moment has only been trained to look at the immediate environment instead of this immediate environment and the events and movements going on around this world as a measure of what life as earth is.  Each part of this environment is connected to the one next to it, thus it is all connected. Our common sense is to be equal to the measure of the physical and its expression. Our words must be equal to a clear, living, measure of here, where we can then begin to see the patterns and thus form of not only what we have allowed within, but also, that which is the physical in expression, as this is the way to equality with what we are as life. The chaos of the mind, in a measure of very limited value judgement, as an idea that one thing is more than another, is very limited.
So, when I realize I have gone back into a limited awareness as the information in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I notice how I am moving. Am I comparing, am I existing as definition about another, in relation to myself, which means I am defining myself, judging myself in a bubble, based on taught criteria so I don’t fall into the extreme as the side of the coin of poverty and starvation. I see where I am fearing to lose opportunity, and or believing I have to defend some accusation that would limit me as a definition,  and realize that this in total is not what I am here. I exist on a physical planet, that is life in form, as this is how life would be, and I look here, in common sense, which is the principle of what is best for all, and realize that limitations cannot define me, so to let them go, and stand here. ALone. I mean, if I cannot create and interact with others in ways that allow communication and understanding in ways that are at ease, where there is security and trust, I am wanting another to be responsible for me, to accept my limited and as such unstable response, the asking for the state of being not equal to here. If I can’t be responsible for myself here with certainty, then how can another be responsible if they end up carrying my lack of responsibility? As the form of what we are here as humans, the only choice is to allow the full potential of each to stand as such, because this is how we each become responsible. And as this is a physical world, what is needed to be responsible, such as clean water, education, opportunity, shelter, food - solid food, the absence of such is us not looking at what we are in common sense. And if we are not existing in common sense then we become separated from that which allows us to simply be here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as I go into mind, and begin to compare instead of look here at the common sense of physical reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from a common sense of here, into and as a very limited system of values, where I warp into an idea of a good and a bad, a loss and a gain, begin to compare, and compete, in ways that are protection and defense, instead of looking at the measure of the actual physical world that enables me to exist as life, and remeasure what exists as the whole, remediate to balance out the extremes of lack, as starvation, poverty, environmental degradation, limited insight from a lack of education and opportunity for development, to see, realize and understand that the very measure of the physical world as what I use to look here, has to slow down and breath to return to a sense that is a constant in all things as life and consider all things, that are the same as myself , of the same substance of and as life, and realize in thought , word and deed what would allow all men to stand in understanding of the whole, and in self responsibility for the immediate physical environment, to become a #waveofaction that withstands the test of time and builds an earthly existence that is in balance, realized in actually living on this planet where no matter where one went, the basic needs of every person was met, and as such, an earth that is living its full potential.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that where I live and what I live in defines me, as myself as an American, where this is extremely limited, as there are those who live in extreme poverty, and have no moment to self discover in dignity themselves as life in full potential.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I  compare myself to another, it is for me to slow down, to stop and to breath, and to realize the pattern of limited beliefs in separation from common sense of physical life formation and look at what is here and how what decisions I make can only be made in ways that are best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as I find myself going into imagination to rebuild instead of remaining here, equal and one to and as the physical world as this is the real formation of and as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not equalize myself to and as the physical, to become a sound mind awareness of and as the actual real physical world that is me, as I am it, as this is the very formation of life, here.
When and as I find I am no longer breathing I slow myself down, I look to what imagination, held tight, fleeting, I accepted and allowed, and I bring myself here, equal and one with and as the physical.
When and as I find myself fearing to lose some self definition based on a limited value system, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that I can only be here, face what is directly here, and as such, to answer to here, which is to be responsible to here, the limited values in and as my mind, built in separation from a consideration of all life are an extremely limited measure of here and I see realize and understand that as such I separate myself from my full potential in and as life, here.
When and as I find myself allowing an emotional/feeling self definition, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the thought as an aspect of reality in judgement based on what is an idea only about one thing being more than another, and I stop and I breath, and I balance this into common sense of practical physical reality, within and as what would be best for all, as what would allow the full potential of life to exist.
When and as I find myself comparing myself to an idea, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that values I believe will define me for better or worse as idea, and I attend to the emotions and feelings and the beliefs that define them, and I see realize and understand that such cannot withstand the test of time as what is best for all, as what allows the expression of life to exist as the very sound of life information, that works in ways that do no harm, as this is the way and the means as the measure of life here.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Day 536 - The valley of the shadow of good and evil.

I went to this meeting and I noticed the diversion tactics embedded within the system to protect the money within the system and the emotional values touted again and again to fill the very space and time of the meeting. In all, this occupies that space and time as the very fabric of the expression of the humans, limiting them from realizing that it is the being of this, that does not move into problem solving.  
To confront this takes time, and also a willingness to not move with the emotional values but to take them forward into understanding such for what it is. Some may react because this means deconstructing what one is allowing as the very accepted expression, and once such is defined as character, that it is an automated response. All of which means that humans are very much like computers, if the state of understanding within, is of a value rather than a common sense of form and function, then the details of reality are not being looked at in ways that understand what we are here, as human beings, composed of sound that forms what we are as what we place our expression as the words we speak that are of what we believe within ourselves, that can not be equal to practical reality, as the very physical world that is the means of our existence.

After being at this meeting and seeing all of this, moving in very slow ways, I have to ask myself how much I am this in every moment, here. I have been working on this, but it is another thing to see this being played out, and the strength of which this is done, myself beginning to wonder where to begin to walk through this, without becoming unbalanced as in fearing to stand clear as the emotional values come my way in the form of words, as the expression of the limited program within and as the human, that is a mind consciousness of limitation.

It is like this manifests as a slowness, a thick substance that moves like molasses. It feels like a loopiness within and as me, and the thoughts in accord with this composition, as a piece rise up within me as the value judgements that I have accepted and allowed, that have no balance to practical reality. There is also the fear of leaving this behind. But in seeing this being played out in a group, where the children were being discussed, I realize the thick soup of this around me, like a mirage as an existential presence surrounding the humans, I feel like I am in an orchestra, where all the sounds are coming at me from all angles, and I am having to juggle this, but to see how this warps the very fabric of existence, to the extent that this does not flow, with ease, as that lightness that is in nature all around us.

I need not fear falling, because the only place to fall, ironically, is here, and it has always been so.

I remember, just before the death of my husband, I was so concerned, that in a moment, I asked everything to stop, I demanded it. It was such a quick moment, where it was as though a weight lifted, and in the small space in between, I realized that everything I thought was real, was not, everything that I thought mattered was not real.

In the years after the death of my husband, I had a very hard time talking with people, and I started to feel like there was something wrong with me because I felt indifferent to so much of what was coming at me.

One example, was when I talked with a mental health specialist, and they kept saying to me that the death was not my fault. I found I was upset and also, that I did not want to hear this from this person. Somehow, what this person was saying to me, was meaningless. At the same time I was afraid that if I did not agree with them that I would be considered crazy. So I became really quiet and let them talk. And anyway I could not explain what was going through my head. It was as though I could not forget that moment where I realized that what I thought mattered did not matter.

I have thoughts come up, and I realize that they are not myself being here, moving here, equal to here, and that this is how the joy of myself as life, is suppressed, because this is not myself moving here in common sense. So, when I feel loopy, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, when I feel that knowledge and information is too much, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down,  I realize that the emotions and feelings that I move into as a definition are meaningless, they serve no purpose with being here in self directive ways. That being here, means being at ease, cross referencing an understanding of practical physical reality, and that the mind consciousness system is the limitation, as the conscious is the values projected, the words revealing the character of that focus on limited values, that are not good or bad, but limited, separate from movement, from the joy of life.
I realize that the subconscious mind is the accumulation of traditions, as values based on the cultural past of the borders of definition of past practices as the order of a society that no longer, and as a starting point, is an action of being here within and as changing self to work with what is here as the physical, where in a sense there is no time, because the very substance as what is the building block of here is eternal, silent and constant.
And then, there is the overall system as the unconscious mind, the system map of what humans have accepted and allowed in separation from consideration of the physical as being as much life as the ideological form within and as the human, the two must become equal and one, which is simply to value all life, as this would be the way and the means to creating a heaven on earth, it is to accept life, no matter the form.
Thus our system is maintained by what humans accept and allow as the very from created from the substance of life, within. And if this inner form is not equal to all life, of which the physical is as much of and as, as what we are within, then  life will be in a state of separation from life. Thus, it is to equalize oneself within to the without, to realize that the physical is the way and means of equality and oneness to and as life here.

I suppose it really is like walking through the valley of the shadow of good and bad, because it is the value judgement, manifested as emotions and feelings, based on thoughts that are the intital judgement, that creates the shadows, that are composed of energy, which is like a molasses within each of us, and this molasses, has friction and conflict because it is not moving in accord with the substance or “ sound” of life, and as such this burns the flesh, eats away at it, consuming it. It is like a rod that exists in the torso, right down the middle of the back, and ironically, I remember when I was in high school, in New York City, walking on the busy streets of New York, thinking that there was something in the backs of all people.

But if we are not taught to realize that what we create within, if it is not equal to accepting all life, of which the physical world is, then we exist in separation, and that separation is inequality to accepting all life and it exists as imaginations that manifest as characters, that are voiced as the words we know, impulsed with values,  maintaining the illusion, that is self in the valley of good and evil, walking on the very ground of the means of life, which is the physical world.

It was interesting, because I got into my car after this meeting, and driving home, emotional values came popping up in and as what i have accepted and allowed, and I could not accept them, I could not continue what was going on in this meeting. As such the burning in my legs, stopped, I would not allow myself to go there, it is unacceptable. Within this I have to be very careful and vigilant, because my habits as my character are automated. 

But then again, it is as desteni has said, once the veil has been seen, even in small measure, there is no going back, there is only one place to go, and that is to walk the process of self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, to realize self as life, equal and one to here. It is the only choice. 


Friday, April 11, 2014

Day 535 What is the total story?

I watched this preview of a movie about climate change, here.
It says that there was extreme drought in Syria before the war, where many Syrians were hungry because of the failing waterless farms. They began to move into the cities to find food. Ones that complained and asked the government for help, were confined to prison, in the example, the woman said she was in prison for two months. I mean, is this a way to treat people who are affected by a drought?
Also, this preview talks about Indonesia. In Indonesia, the head of forestry stands on a stage and touts the need to protect the forests, but behind his curtained desk, he does nothing. Burning forests in Indonesia is supposed to be illegal, and yet, when one lands in an airplane into the arrival city, the whole city is engulfed in smoke from burning forests, one can even see this from space. Which, on the side, here, makes me wonder about that supposed missing airplane.
Going back to Syria I then thought about the American King Phillip war. A war that I read a lot about a few years ago. A war that has only a tiny foot note in American school textbooks. I can imagine that the reason it is not talked about is because if one looked at all the details, and the factors involved, all the reactions of different factions, one would realize a micro situation that would explain so much of what happens in other areas of conflict.
So, the American Native Indians had finally begun to see that the English really did believe that they could own the land. But by then, it was too late for the Natives, there were too many men possessed with a belief that they could own the earth - despite the fact that they die and the earth remains.
So, the American Indian Natives, destroyed all the houses and livestock they could find. They destroyed the means of sustenance and shelter of these new comers possessed by ownership.

I also want to note, that when I watched one episode about John Adams, I noticed that the health of these people, these early Americans was portrayed as very bad; they had spots all over their skin, one woman had black teeth. This depiction that I see suggests that the health care industry of today is so much better than how we lived in the past when such a health system did not exist. And yet, in the journals of the first European Arrivals, it was noted again and again how heathy the American native Indians were in fact, how much stamina they had, how they could withstand colder temperatures that the European Settlers. It is known that the American Natives had offered food to the Settlers when they were not doing too well, and probably so because their diets were not of the sort that gave then the stamina they so noted in the American Natives.

What happened as a consequence of this war, is that different factions wanting supremacy, either new or lost, used the conflict to grab in their own self interest. And, that this pattern of reckless practice by corporations, which is us, to turn any waste, meaning anything that adds costs in terms of taking care of all detriment to the environment, animals or people, instead of being addressed is turned into another way to make a profit. 

So, in the King Phillip War, we see this happening. The church uses it, the landowners that lived, use it, and the growing scientific community in England use it for gain;  intellectually, spiritually, and agriculturally/business.

In this preview, a Texas town loses a meat processing plant, and many lose any means of income. The people who lose their jobs have a belief that it is god that has something to do with this, until they are exposed to more details about the science of what is happening on earth. Here is the catch, more details about how the physical world works. They then begin to look at what is happening with the physical world in more expansive ways.

In Syria we are told so many different things, and the limited details are touted by a media that is payed for by the business faction whose receive incredible amounts as subsidies from our taxes. So, in the end it is each of us, our ignorance of the details, the real details, the measurable details about how the physical world works, and how the financial systems work and about how our taxes are divided and towards what endeavors our money moves into, that we can begin to see what we support in detail, and nor based on the very limited view point of someone on TV, or an Indonesian official that stands in front of the people he proposes to stand for, and tout what should be saved, all the while doing, in deed, in action, the opposite.

Did any early European Settler, realize why the women were being accused of being witches, when the men had been killed - more in relation to the population that any other subsequent war - and as such there were not enough men to go around and at that time, perhaps options for women because of the accepted and allowed cultural beliefs, based on past traditions when such means of measure worked but did not necessarily have to be exactly this way, because others ways would work too? Did the priests, who had lost their congregations, blame the change on the people no longer praying , using their imaginations when it really was about that priest’s mean of income, and or did he miss his chemical high in not being able to stand in front of a congregation and get all excited?  Did the European “ scientists” want to prove that they understood the world, when all they really did was prove that if you bind a woman to a post, and place wood around that post and ignite that wood, that that woman will indeed burn up?

If we look at all of this, do we not see how easy it is to be programmed to believe in very limited viewpoints that really make no sense of this actual real physical world?

Are those who have used our tax dollars, that which is subsidized, to tout a limited story in their own self interest, and then say that it is not their fault because we are supposed to know, it is not their fault that we allowed it because we did not investigate and basically LOOK at reality?

In the end, we can blame no one for our own ignorance, if a person had not listened to what is right here, right under our feet, then can we blame that extreme wealth for our ignorance? No. At the same time, it is to realize that it is this ignorance, this limited insight, is self abdication of self responsibility. It is ourselves not looking at all factors, especially when we see that our soldiers are committing suicide at the rate of 22 a DAY,  that in Indonesia twenty elephants are killed in one day, to simply eliminate them from the landscape because they do not fit into a profit making enterprise known as palm oil. Thus when we purchase many processed goods, in our supermarkets, we support this devastation, that is emitting tons of CO2 into the air, and being a part of the cause of the changing earth, an earth trying to balance itself out.

Do we realize that when we buy sugar, we are supporting slavery in the Dominican Republic?
Do we realize that the people on this Island had managed to produce a lot of their own crops before the sugar plantations were created, or should I say the land taken by some  official who accepted a bribe? Was this originally touted as “ the advent of democracy”, yet in practice something very different? What limited stories were told that our tax dollars payed for?

In the end , what exists is because we are doing the same within ourselves, each of us, we are not paying attention, and when we do, we join a segmented group, and stand for that one thing, not realizing it is all interconnected. And then we blame that for which we payed for, when we payed for it. Obviously, each must become aware of what exists on this earth and that all that we do effects everything on this planet.

We, men, in total are responsible for what happens on this earth, and we are responsible to realize that if we do not want harm done unto us, than every man is the same, and every living thing does not want harm as well. To destroy a living thing, is to tear it apart, and if you would not like this, then what has to change is our present system. Change is not going to happen unless each of us realize that we are all the same in that we are a living being that has a physical body that reveals its nature through its physical function. By this, I mean that a cow is a cow, it has hoofs and teeth, these things are to tread the earth, munch on grass, etc. etc. it is not for that expression to stand in a stall all day, day after day, never moving, being pumped full of stuff that forms cancerous growths that are then cut out before the remaining muscle tissue is packaged for sale.

It is to realize that if a human being is experiencing a drought, that that area on earth needs support until the rains return, just as we would want for ourselves if we were in that position.

It is to realize that if we were a child, would we want to be sold into the sex industry? No, and would we want our children to be sold into such an industry? If we do not want this for ourselves and we want to ensure that this option never is something that will happen to any child then the way money is being distributed must be looked at in detail, and the form of the system must change.

If we do not want the elephants in Indonesia to be murdered en masse, then we must look at what we eat, and ask ourselves why palm oil has to be in practically everything we eat, and to realize that there are ways to grow food right here in our own country, varied foods, that do not allow monocultures to exist, ways of producing food that works with the variation that exists, as this is how nature had worked for longer than man has existed, and that it was a self sustaining mechanism, much more so than what man has created within a system that does not care for this earth in ways that do no harm, and instead changes into a system that moves in ways that do to another as one would like done unto themselves.

In so many ways, a human is the same as that cow, a human is a mechanism that is capable of so much, but each must use their common sense, and look directly at what is here and stop asking another to make decisions for us. We cannot blame a system trying to control us when we are not standing in common sense ourselves. Each must realize what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, because each of us is the same material, the same substance, everything that is here is made of the same materials, we are all different forms of the same things, thus it is up to us to self realize what we are as life, and what this means to support and exist as this. Obviously, it is what we do with what we are, and how what we are at present is based on taking in very limited details that are not considerate of the whole. We are what we allow. We are what we accept. We are our own ignorance, so how can we stand in front of a government office and blame them and ask them to change when it is us as the collective, each individual that must change and no longer participate in not realizing that the system is us, it is us ignoring ourselves as life, it is acting in it’s own self interest, just as each of us are. It is the mirror of our disregard for life.

The solution is to stand together, in self awareness, and make the only choice, the choice of what is best for all, the choice to give to another as we would want for ourselves.