Saturday, February 13, 2016

Day 681 Our greatest gift becomes our greatest weakness and is the means to change.

I had a moment yesterday where a woman arrived while I was working with a child. The child was taking an assessment and the woman came and called out her name from a distance. I went and said to the woman that the child would be done in a moment. The woman reacted. 
Yet she turned away and stopped calling out to the student. I paused for a moment and then went up to her. I apologized for coming up and with the means to ask her to stop. She said some words to me, in a quiet temper. I then agreed with her.  

I could see her quiet down. It is like embracing something and not reacting to it, believing that it is an indication of me in any way. 

I also noticed that there was some fear in me, because I did not want the woman to be angry with me, my fear was that she would remain in ill will.  Also, I did have the thought that her reaction was over the top.  Yet while these things were moving slightly within me, I placed myself her in shoes and in an understanding of how insecure we can get about ourselves. 

Before I can change, I have to admit what it is that I am.  This means slowing down and assessing outside of a reaction.  For me, it was to calm the waters, so-to-speak, no matter what.

Within this process, as I agreed with the woman, I could see the ‘ sound’ of her, the tenor of her change. It was watching a demeanor move into calm, the storm quickly calming.

I also spent time with a boy in a state of spite. The moment he went into any fear he went into spite. Everything “sucked” for him.  Many times within working with him,  he would become calm, quiet down, and move forward. The absence of spite within him, revealed a very gentle and willing person. That gentle person was much more receptive than the reactive person who had begun, for reasons I cannot fathom in exact detail,  to practice spite, again and again.

Within all of this, it makes it obvious that we become what we practice. What we practice, in measure, as belief about the world around us, is what we become. Hence, we all learn the same way, we learn through repeating what we use as a measure, and a belief is a measure. Again, this is why the media repeats the same information again and again, a story that is a lie by omission.  And because we as humans, absorb, which is how we take in measure in all ways, so it is quantum, if we take in a measure and repeat, to understand it , and we do not investigate the measure, or, place it into a real life context,  we become that.  

In this, our greatest gift becomes our greatest weakness.  And that gift enables us to assess what we have accepted and change it. And that ability to change, can be used to assess the world around us because this is our absorbent ability that is the same as our ability to assess. Thus, nothing can define us, but what we accept and allow.


Overall, this is why self forgiveness in every moment to and towards all energetic reactions, as emotions and feelings, is so important. This is why being patient until the waters calm, and the person becomes soft, in and as gentle and open, willing to change, is necessary to get to a starting point that can and will move as what is best for all, because ultimately, that greatest gift is by nature a willing participant in life as this is the real value.




Sunday, January 31, 2016

Day 680 The process of what I allow within and as me.

In the process of self forgiveness, in begin to realize how much I determine who and what I am in a moment. Before, I would be so lost in ideas, beliefs and opinions, finding one to define who and what I am. It is like using myself within to form a measure that defines me.  I was not accepting myself as what I am here. It is in effect, following an entity of measure that has no real grounding in the physical practical reality.

Two things I have noticed in relation to this is the movement of myself within, and how this can fixate on a form through the inability of myself to use my will to take in a different measure about something. Specifically in doing number problems! In order to hold a number value within me, and multiply or subtract without the aid of a machine, took a lot of effort. With practice of holding values and doing calculations, it became easier and easier to do. I realized that I was changing what I held as me within me. I asked myself why this was so difficult in the beginning? Why did it appear to be so difficult? What was I holding onto that made the move away from that into reforming what the focus of myself was within me onto the math? I had to use all the will power I had. With practice, things began to change.

This brought up the realization that I, and only me, determines what I am within and as myself. I can allow my scattered focus on ideas, beliefs and opinions to determine what and who I am, or I can slow down and reflect what is around me as a form of information, or an object in my immediate environment, or both! Within this, I can sense what resistances are there in opposition to the willing of myself to focus on what is here. 

No one can do this or us, but ourselves. And, the information about what is practical, is always around us, as this is a physical world. When I sense an inability to focus, I can slow down, assess the resistance, and bring myself here to understand what is here, be it a belief as this action in another or a belief I hold within  myself, or in the physical components of this world here around me. I can do this with words and numbers. And it means, overall, since I am the one who controls this, that nothing can define and determine who and what I am. In the end, I am change, I am capacity, and I am here. 

The point of the destini i process is to slow down, to breath, to script out the measure of what one has accepted within, and to then self correct into what would not only gift one’s self, self direction, but also, practice realizing what actions enable self to become present in reality where it is that one gets things done. This overall, is very self empowering.

This week I attended two gatherings. In one, I heard the statement “ why was I never told this?”  If we are directing ourselves in this world, and we come across information that we react to with such a statement, can we ask ourselves what we focused on that denied us awareness of such information, and then begin to assess how we missed what was always right in front of us? What did we accept as who and what we believed ourselves to be? Where were we?

In the second gathering I described a picture of what behaviors of belief lead us to and towards, in an indirect way, based on my own experience of having lived in my own self interests without consideration towards what I was allowing and accepting as what informed/defined who and what  I am as where my focus rested.  The silence was there, more in a self assessment than a reaction. In this moment it was more of what I was within myself that I want to review openly.  Normally, I would move into fear, into uncertainty in such a silence, because of what I believed was not being validated.  I, instead, breathed, slowed way down, and looked at what I had said, to cross reference my own clarity. My goal was to make something evident as a movement and that was all. I told my story.  I asked myself, could I stand by this and give greater detail if asked. Yes. Thus, I stood within what I had said, grounded, without worrying about reactions around me.  I did not need to build a protection and defense shield, I could remain fluid and present.  

Overall, it is really cool to realize that I determine what I am within me. I can stand here, practically and decide how I am within what I express, and change. If anything, emotions and feelings are gifts to show me where I am inferior to being stable and grounded, and where I separate from being present in what can stand through a scattered self lost in a limited measure in relation to practical reality.  That shield of protection and self defense within me, is my resistance to change. I can as who and what I am, unfold myself within to accept what opens all channels of belief, and reforms into a presence that can be more constant. It is the choice to step off the roller coaster of emotional storms and to process a scattered self into a more stable expression. 


The irony is that the scattered self is a weight that lingers in its accumulation. The self that changes and assesses, reflects and self realizes, moves with more ease, the resistance being the accumulated weight of a lack of real self responsibility. One can become aware of this in the physical body, if one chooses to look. Walking the destini i process, is the means of self realization, and that self realization is the means to open that weight, reform it, and accept a self expression that moves with solutions that empower the self to be more present and self directed in this life, here. 


Friday, January 22, 2016

Day 679 Opening the Chest To Heaven on Earth.

At the moment I read books where I realize there are comparisons that appear to spin in  a contradiction, making some things within the association have meaning that is not at all clear. Defining the words and making sense out of a spin as an idea, means speaking up and pointing out the discrepancies.  It is a process of defining the parts , which is defining the words, and aligning them with practical reality. I can see where a child would meet with more of the same spin even if they tried to catch all the words and the sounds and align them, having to work with the words and order them and then speak up. This design would be very difficult for any child.

For this reason we cannot really blame anyone, we can only go back, and sort out the layers of information ourselves. And the information is in every move we make, in every word we speak, in every thought we have moving through our conscious minds, as this is a reflection of the measure of what we have accepted and allowed; we personify what we believed, we personify our stories that are based on the past of ourselves and those that came before us. We are the creators of what is here as the present system. 

We can decompose this and equalize ourselves to the physical world, respecting it as the same as us, as the starting point and build heaven on earth. It would be like being born into heaven, removing the gap of separation from being equal to creation as the physical. We can remove the suffering and the belief that holds it in place that we learn through suffering.  Suffering is really just that baby missing a step, to then right themselves and move into walking. We have aggrandized the fall, and built a religion around it. That is the illusion. 

Within myself I can move into joy, the joy of expression of life, through breathing, through slowing down, through walking through the layers of the information that is the personality I live in every moment, so visible and so forgivable, to ground myself here, equal and one within breathing-in with a presence of myself here, and taking the time to sort out the information so that I am clear in respecting this real actual physical world around me. I need not fear the confusion, as the information of survival in separation from who I really am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hate myself for participating in limited knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush, through my chest area, in an excitement that is a fear, and a desire to understand, and yet even within this initial drive, from my hard drive, as my breath and presence here, to see realize and understand that as a young child sorting this out with a cross reference, would have been very difficult, within using the code as words to order, which I probably did not yet have enough of and as within me, to do so.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel depressed within and as this, as a sense that I am pressing down on myself from my eyes and the back of my head.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even in high school I could see that I was doing this, moving into the story around me, via the voicings of the people around me, to get along and go along. where as I walked up to the group, I took a breath, and stood with the story, imitating it, to be able to participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that wanting to participate made it all okay.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move within and as my chest area, in a kind of rushing, upward-like to stand in a construct of information in order to participate in the world around me, as though this upward thrust within and as my chest area,  was me stepping into a survival suit, where this took a huge effort, because this was myself suppressing myself in fear of facing the storm of the personality of and as this in others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as my eye area, there is this sense of pity, like a ‘ I am sorriness’ which is really a sense of suppression to only see limited values as I choose information to direct myself in an effort to get along and go along as somewhere in my past I believed sorting things out was not possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my shame is a sense of futility where I sink in and as my chest area, as what I expected within self directing in limited knowledge and information of ideological values,  as somehow this was not moving into expectations in a narrow focus or in a sense of reaching mutual clarity, as though somehow I realized the connection was not sound, stable, clear and within this I accepted less than believing it would be sorted out at some point not seeing realizing and understanding that deconstruction and reconstruction takes time and equal participation from a separation as a starting point.

Thus,
When and as I find myself ‘ pushing myself up’ as a movement within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the measure of personification I have accepted and allowed within and as me, remaining in breath and grounded, and walk, in respect of this real physical world that is the information of life in expression, here, as this is me, and this is recognizing the means of myself as life here into eternity.

When and as I find myself approaching another, within and as ‘ lifting myself up’ within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I asses how I am, as a measure of belief, opinions and ideas, directing myself as though I am moving into limited and separated knowledge and information to self direct, and I sense the suppression of being present, and I ground myself here, until the pressure building in and as my chest area beings to clear, realizing that I can listen, and understand and practice directing in ways that bring an intimacy as a clearness in being present here, a presence that senses racing in values, and ignoring the ease of being grounded here,  as much as I am able to remove the view of ideas, beliefs and opinions I have accepted and allowed to define me.

When and as I find myself moving within and as rising up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I no longer allow myself to suppress myself into only moving as knowledge and information as a measure of values, as I assess what I have accepted and allowed, and what is the movement around me, and the physical, until I become the practice of understanding within and as what allows an absence of suppression and racing into a projection of an end goal as the self interest I accepted, and instead enlightens myself into ease and clarity, calm and stability here, as that which is equal and one to here, the physical to realize in thought word and deed heaven on earth.





Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Day 678 Who am I Within How I Focus Myself Here?

I notice I have something accumulating in my solar plexus. I woke after clicking on a tarot card notice that brought up the card ‘ comparison.’

And I have been worried about money. 

It is this idea that I am limited in my movements based on the amount of money I have at present. And yet, when I look at this, I am moving in many ways, setting up appointments and following through, which is the way and the means of building movement that leads to an outcome.

I notice that when I begin to self doubt, I begin to compare. Then I am caught up in weighing and measuring within limited values, in fear of failure. I can look at this word and change it to be defined in supportive ways.  I see the word ‘ ail’ within this word and the word ‘ur’ , as meaning the ailment of the starting point, which is moving within limitations; limitations being value judgements as my ur-sprung point!. I am comparing myself to another form, and believing that perhaps because my form does not meet that form, there is something wrong. I must tell myself there is never one way. Being creative means finding new and/or other ways.  As it is all about building relationships that are stable. If I look at chemistry, there are many different shapes and sizes that can come together, like a puzzle and create a form that functions with ease in this world. There are many ways to fill in the gaps.  This gap filling can meet in the middle, one supporting the other, being of the same nature yet with different means. Thus I cannot really compare myself to another form and yet I can learn from another form.This really is a perfect design.

If money represents the energy I accept and allow as the division of myself within the act of comparison in a narrow focus of beliefs, I move into survival and lose attention to a starting point of inferiority within my own natural ability to assess and evaluate and investigate and create.  And, I allow a whole chain reaction of values about myself based on ideas that become a seemingly endless cycle of comparison. My relationships of trust, can be created with individuals and with small groups, where the energy/support flows in manageable ways, extending my presence through another vein of the form of the structures on this physical world. 

Within music, as within performing, there is this point where I realized that I form the sound, I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and form the sound, realizing I can decide the ending and the starting of the notes, and how the volume of the form as the sound can express itself. I notice that my attention within making this decision,  can accelerate when I make the decision to attend to what it is that I am doing in a moment. I have the ability to be aware of what I sound in every moment. And it is the decision to do this, that then opens up that ability to assess and balance. Starting from a point of insecurity and worrying about what another has or does or thinks, does not allow myself to focus on every nuance of what it is that I myself am doing! Also, within making the decision to focus on what I am doing within the very measure of what I am creating, has a sudden nature of being able to not only assess my measure but also, the measure of another as the values they are creating. It is that this decision to focus removes the judgement and opens up discernment. There is a kind of irony here, within this, because in so many ways this is the opposite of following only!  This opens up real participation, and real participation is the means of expansion in self discovery of the qualities of being present and using a natural ability to discern and self direct in substantive ways.

When I allow myself to participate, in the manner of being self responsible, I realize my natural ability to change, that I can assess what is here, practicing myself back into what is a natural ability to change, and realizing that remaining focused here, is what allows that natural ability to change, to move. It is to say the answer is in being what I fear the most, which is being self responsible here, naming the game and changing the game within common sense of what I would want, which is what is best for me, and as a consequence in considering here, what is best for all.


In all, being here is natural, allowing comparison within an idea of one-size-fits-all is unnatural. This means that I need not hold onto any imagined values only, because in focusing on the values of what is here as the physical as a starting point,  I need not hold onto anything, and realize that within this, I have a greater discernment and a natural compassion that is gentle because it realizes that being present and assessing what is here as the physical world, is where solutions are formed and lived and this natural ability to do so is found within being present and focused, placing my creative ability within reality.


Sunday, January 17, 2016

Day 677 What are you auditioning with yourself?

At times, recently, I am in a situation where information is ‘ coming at me’ and I suddenly feel overwhelmed. Numerous thoughts comes up, each one not myself standing here, assessing what is here.  I want to make some value huge, where I go into doom and gloom , or specifically, feel that I have to catch up, like there is not enough time to assess. This in itself is a belief, an idea. Yes, it may take some time, yet it is possible.  Perfect practice makes perfect.

When this happens, the only choice is to assess, to slow way down and become the directive principle of myself as life, meaning to look at the measure presented, the data constructing the picture. Ultimately a reflection of reality.

Often, and I have said this before, and at times forgotten to utilize this point, that within music, when a passage seemed too much, as in too fast, that I could open up the space. Meaning the measure of the information has all this space around it, and I can use that space to move from one thing to the next.  That aspect, as a perspective  of realizing space and within that, that I can assess what is here, listen, and take in the measure in a normal and practical way, which is a way to order into moving here in the physical, because the physical moves in practically measurable ways! This means giving no material promise to the label/refection/idea of a limitation that makes something huge in my mind, in my experience of who and what I am.

When the time warp happens into a fear of not understanding, with the voice of ‘ there is not enough time’  having lived in a competitive survival mode for so long, it appears impossible to change, yet if I open up, which is to slow down and assess/ double-check/ take-in-the-practical, just past that point of the fear, suddenly the measure opens up and with it, the ability to see whole new ways. Here, I can again cross reference, and check. There is enough space. It is like there is an eternity to assess. 

Imagine if we all utilized this? Imagine what kind of world we could create? Imagine if we could all slow down with every step we take and cross reference the actual real world around us? Imagine if we could objectively look and take in the structural forms of the present system, as how money flows, and realize it for the scam that it is and a mirror image of our own self interests that are a misaligned use of our innate power? Imagine if we could realize that our ability to be and do this, is us using our presence to understand and then to evaluate and reconstruct our actions in such a way that a balance is created where everything on this earth realizes the value of each thing being the means of maintaining a steady ease for each part?

As humans we live in a mind consciousness that is us in separation from the gift of a presence that is the very nature of creation. And creation is by nature something that forms and changes. We allow ourselves to be placed in a box for many hours during our formative years, to become an information that is limited and moved at a pace that slows down the natural ability of our presence to change, to assess, to create. Ask yourself what it is that takes in the metered measure of information imparted in a box for many years? What is that?

Do you check your gut as you go out into the world and audition the measure of your information, as your education as that which you accepted and allowed to be educed, or drawn out as the formation of the presence that is you? Is the movement that is you, as you audition, or sound yourself, as your words, as the reflections you impose on those around you,  clear and in tune? Is the sound pure? Can you realize that structure as information within and at the same time cross reference the movement around you as this world? I mean, is this not what people do who perform in an orchestra, for example? And does this not mean that this is your capacity? Who and what are you allowing to determine what this presence auditions within this life?

What would it be like to have this instrument that is what you are, an instrument of life, function in full employment? Meaning, every part of you was so focused here, that the sound would be so pure and so clear that each transformation would be met with joy! Would this be the absence of fear and a gratefulness for all things?

It is time that we created such a world, realizing that we are the power of creation, and that that power exists because of everything that is around us. 

It is time to walk out of a mind consciousness of limited information. It is time to forgive the self for accepting and allowing limited information, to ground one’s self back into equality and oneness with this life, this world, this physical formation called earth.

It is time to bring that chaos of limitation as information back into focus of reality as the physical world that surrounds us.

It is time to take the time to pull in the reigns of separation as measure as belief, opinion and idea in a bubble that ebbs and flows as judgement instead of respect and equal consideration to balance out one’s presence and begin the process of auditioning a self equal and one to life as the physical.







Thursday, January 7, 2016

Day 676 Becoming aware of emotional/feeling bodies on my physical body. Who am I within Presence?

Lately, I have noticed while interacting with others, that a moment can happen that appears like a swoon, as how I want to describe it. It happened specifically while sitting with another person, where I noticed their body swung in my direction and they laughed. It appeared like a movement coming towards me, one that I could respond to or not.

I also noticed this week, that while I was talking to a group, that within scanning the group, I had a couple of imagination/voices/ideas come up in relation to some of the people in the group.
What corrective statements I have written out within walking the destini i process helped me to ground myself back into what I was doing.

These imagination/voices/projections were not myself being present and focused on the context of what I was doing. These inner projections/voices/idea ‘ entities’ had nothing to do with myself and were not the ground on which I stood in that moment.

I could begin to see this effect on my body, as it was as though that ‘ swoon’ was around me as me, I reminded myself where I was, and who I was and what I was doing in that moment.

I realize I was in the process of balancing out the mind, physical and self, to ground myself in being present. 

I is interesting as what helps me within this, is my musical training. Why? Within playing in a group, one must learn to extend one’s presence to the other sounds as all the instruments in the group. They are a moving measure, intertwined and formed. This helps myself, as what I am doing, remain balanced within the whole. Within this, I am myself, and I am all the other parts too. If I separate from this awareness, I begin to lose my sense of place. I cannot blame anything around me, as it is my self responsibility to remain grounded in the moment. Nothing can distract me unless I accept and allow it. And, since I can sense the parts and the whole, and move within this, checking this and checking that within and without, my capacity has no bounds unless I limited this presence. I determine my focus, my presence.  

This presence, is so fluid, that it can sense when I am not focused, it can sense what I am being, what I am allowing within myself. It can sense what moves through the mind, as the thoughts as the back chats and the imaginations and the projections, just as I did when speaking to a group. None of this comes from without, it comes from within. Yet, as in sitting with another in close proximity, I can notice a change in the person, the parts of which is the details I may not pick up, and yet I can understand that this is the same as myself, a momentary projection directing the experience. Even this need not define who and what I am.

Within this, I, before walking the process of self forgiveness, writing and self correction as the very measure of me as thoughts, words and deeds,  very often complained about the spatial awareness of people around me.  As an adult, I often wondered as to why the adults around me and my friends were losing their spatial awareness. This manifested in my friends and strangers not being able to do the simplest of tasks that required spatial ability. It was one of the questions that was always there. 

In an interview on Eqafe,  emotional and feeling body effects are likened to a train running on tracks on the earth’s surface. When we are near the train moving on tracks, we can feel the vibrations of the train through the earth’s surface.  Those thoughts/imagination/projections as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are polarized into emotions and feelings as fearing some form can define me, and/or running to some form as an idea can define/promise, are not myself being present here. In effect, they are what separates myself from expressing myself in normal ways here.  It really begins to be like walking through the valley of shadows, and the ‘ shadows ‘ can be sensed just as the reverberations of the train moving along the tracks through the earth.

Such ephemeral shadows, can be a gift. These ephemeral presences that rush and dissipate as they have no real presence, can be grounded back into what is normal, as being present here, within the means to self direct as that which senses this, as that which senses the physical world around me! 

Thus, I can, in every moment, ground myself in what is normal, in the practice of being present here, no longer allowing judgments about a good or a bad to define who and what I am, as the practice of being myself here is expressing consideration for all things within what I would want for myself . This is respecting all things as the physical world, being equal and one with and as it. to direct my actions in ways that do no harm. 


Emotional and Feeling Energy is created by your Mind Conscious System.  Are you running towards empty as memorized mis-takes on reality, as self judgements, or are you here, present, living, breathing, calm?  




Saturday, January 2, 2016

Day 675 Where is the presence of me?

I have been talking a deconstruction of the order of belief, as the construction that sounds itself as the thoughts in and as my mind, as the very measure of my perception within my experiences in my life. The latest deconstruction of what I accepted and allowed has the word compassion that keeps coming up. I have the sense that I used compassion in protection and self defense. And yet, within this, I kept things at bay, meaning I simply did not look. I preferred the remain in some silent place within me. I remember that when I would get sick, I preferred to be left alone, and to climb into myself where there was quiet.

I have this behavior, as in what I have as a from within and as me, as a collection of beliefs that are often reactions to not looking. Not looking means that I abdicated myself. This means that I had to follow because if I did not look, what was it that I then used to direct who and what I am here?  Hiding means that to be here, I had to follow something!  In not looking, I was dodging, which is a busyness, an occupation, in itself! 

If i place myself into the role of being objective about this, and imagine myself facing this state of being in another, what would that be like? What would it be like to face a dodger? It would be like standing on a slippery slope, or walking in a mirage, where what is essentially an inner form - as that state of being- is morphing- moving here and there, moving all over the place just to avoid having developed the habit of hiding, which is dodging, which is moving as beliefs within one’s self, which is not being present in the practical, which is a disrespect of the life around one that is the same as one, that is the same as me. And probably doing the same thing. Hence, being a dodger is like not being grounded, because I am so busy in judgement, for which I cannot remember why and where in exact detail,  that not only is this a habit, like running ticking clock that I would up myself, yet also, a separation from my full and true potential. Ironically this means I am running from myself. This means I am occupied with running from life, and the behaviors have the consequence of missing the practical. It creates a scenario where I am occupied with a movie in my mind, generated by me. It is me, running on default. It is me running on and as a fallen self from respecting all things and being here, using this same ability to sense transferred into hiding,  that is a compassionate self moving in protection and self defense, fighting against life, against myself.

I remember a time, as I stood in a hallway of an apartment I lived in. I was thinking about my husband, trying to figure out what was going on. I stopped there in that hallway, it was mid-day, the sun, from the long summer equinox days, was really bright and strong. For some reason, I remember that I had seen a mother duck with duckings walking on the sidewalks. Everyone stood to the side and let them pass. Then, there I was in that hallway, with all that light that lasted until ten o’clock at night.  The world seemed so alive in that moment, so much bigger than me in that hall way with all that light. It was so joyous the world around me. Then it hit me, for some reason in that moment, that we create everything. Everything that is, is something we create.  Everything that exists we create. It is how it should be, that the means to understanding is through creation and that this is the only way. 

I notice that my chest tightens up and the voices of limitation spin in my mind when I stop being fluid here, meaning when I begin to use compassion in protection and self defense. This means when I start resisting what is here, not sorting it out, in detail, in specificity in practical terms. This means I begin to blame and to spite, because my expectations, which is self interest, came before slowing down and taking the space and time to realize the measure of what is probably a slippery slope in front of me. I have to move through the eye of the needle, without any fear, and before I make a decision, assess the measure around me, within and without. I have to slow way down and move as the measure to begin to see the form and within this, realize what form, what movement, what state would consider a directive that does no harm, a directive that grounds in practical application in a physical creation, as creation would be a form. To believe that some lighted world on top of the physical is life, is the opposite of life.  I mean, do all those lights placed all over the physical,  are they the means of the creation of oxygen for you to breath, or is that tree the means of oxygen for you to breath?  Those pretty lights are the ideas from an entity within of beliefs, opinions an ideas, that is the self hiding from the physical, from creation, from life. 

I have to practice slowing down from following a entity of belief, that I accepted and allowed and created. I have to change my compassion in protection and self defense into assessing this reality, into respecting that tree, in realizing the practical application of that tree, as what is most important, more important than those lights and what they have come to mean as a symbol that is a conjecture composed of beliefs and opinions and ideas, that are in separation from life, from respecting the physical world.  And, yes, those lights suck the life from the physical. They will die, simply cease to exist, one the substance of the physical is sucked out in the order of believing that those lights are more than the physical. It really is that simple.

When I tense up in my chest, it is like a switch into  spite and blame, protection and self defense, naming a separation instead of grounding a separation into the practical. What I can do, is slow down, say no, say stop, and realize I will lose nothing as the ideas, beliefs and opinions, are not myself being present here. I have to use my will, to place myself here, and to transform myself into being present in respect of the physical world.  I have to realize the joy of creation, because it is a joy. I have to bring myself out of that sharply lit heaven I have accepted and allowed as stories of a creator being separate from me that have a consequence of self abdication in self responsibility that are evident in a chatter of spite and blame, self pity with an undercurrent of shame because we all understand that we are doing this, for which there is no excuse, and take back myself  as life, as the means to work with and as what I am, which is creation in formation as the physical. 

When I tense up in my chest, I am not being self honest, I am occupied with a construction of limited values and the consequential resistance to all things, I am acting in self interest in a survival mode, I am not present here, in equality and oneness which is being self honest as what I am, which is a physical beingness, because this is life in formation, the very means of my expression.

I can write out what I have accepted and allowed everyday, to practice in word creating thoughts composing deeds every day, to script myself back into equality and oneness to and with life as the physical. I can become equal to myself as life.  I can practice regrounding myself back into an awareness that the tree is life and the lights are a means to maintain a projection of belief, because the lights are simply lights, they have no other meaning but the spell of the stories projected onto them by others and myself, as that is a state of hiding from respecting and realizing the physical world is life in formation which is creation.  My words can become living words, which means my words reference what is practical as what is the application of standing equal and one to the physical.