Friday, April 29, 2016

Day 670 the voice of the words ' no' and the word 'LOOK' within and as me.

Lately I feel like I am being crushed.  Yet is this being wound up in the mind?
Then I remembered that what goes on in my head, is not real. And that in this process, things can get more intense the smaller they appear to become. Sometimes it takes me by surprise.

No matter what is happening in my mind, as what I believe, has nothing to do with anyone or anything but myself. In reality, the being of myself here, in a physical world is simple in comparison, because the physical is always right here, right in front of me.

When I have to do something that involves the systems of men, I begin to get anxious. Every year, at tax time I get anxious. I get all wound up. This is also based on a belief, as I was not taught about taxes but in some very general way.  I have an idea of the ordering systems being some distant entity over which I have no control. In this I forget that these system are composed of men. I have to remind myself of the physical of the practical.  No man is an island, and no road to Rome was built by one man, though an entity on the hill would preach such a story, because it is such an illusion that maintains the hill.  To put these words into common sense, removing the parable that is what comes to be so believed it is crushing of the very spirit of life I can describe what really exists as a physical form around me. ( lol para bull ; like that para normal, but even more descriptive as it is the para BS.)

The one system I have gotten anxious about is doing my taxes, even though when I have had problems, I interacted with people and sorted them out. This has happened with many of the systems of men that I have had ideas about, seeing each member the same as another, having accepted the personalities of the role and not taking the time to notice the person within.

For me, I can remember experiencing this slow motion change in my teenage years. In some respects it is considered to be the maturation process. Yet is is not. It is instead the rejection of one’s self into an acceptance of a limited role, a persona to fit into a role. The memory is clear to me, I am sitting at a table with a bunch of my peers who had become models. I sat there and suddenly could see that something was being lost. The facades based on ideas of how one should be, within that role, were being projected in the words and manners of my peers, and what was of more ease, and more joie de vie, and something I called ‘ more unique’ was being lost.  If one looks, one can see the pairing of the seed in process and expression, and the idea that this is happening can cause a small voice to say ‘ no’  and within myself a voice that says ‘ LOOK” yet this voice of ‘ LOOK” is more in self interest, because I am saying this to myself to remember this very thing that I write here. It is something I am saying to myself, as though I am going to remember what I see happening, even if I have to keep it to myself.

lol, my parents used to get me a Santa Claus ornament every year, because they said I continually carried the ‘ light’ . Meaning, I never gave up, I would not stop believing that there was another way, that what we are doing does not make sense.

I remember waking up sometimes and as I lay in bed I had this presence around that  felt like it was crushing me. It happened so many times, that when it came I dreaded it. It took me years to get sick of it happening, to the point where one day it just said, fuck this I am going in. And there was nothing there, it was all smoke and mirrors. And it was me who was allowing it. It was not real. Shortly thereafter, I found destini .

My ‘ no’ was my awareness of something being ‘ messed up’ and my ‘ LOOK’ was my own protection and defense to remember, to hold onto remembering on some level that at times appeared to be impossible to hold onto. And then within myself I would wist and turn just to remember.  In this I would get all wound up. Like I was at war with this presence of this weight that I  sense.

Around the same time that I found destine, I began to notice that people talked at me. Meaning that they repeated things, and I was supposed to accept that value, when that value did not explain things in any way, It was just a value. This was when I decided to investigate psychology, yet within my investigations I only found endless description using many different words, the measure of clarity was minuscule.  It was the same way in the education system, endless words, stories of good practices, using personal anecdotal experiences that were about one child, and not about a group. There were these huge books I had to read filled with this. This was another situation where I started to get wound up and squirm within myself. It was that I had not voted this out, and/or feared speaking up about the simple.

Even when I got my degree in education I had problems. I asked too many questions that could not be answered, and eventually the staff reacted and called me to be grilled in front of a panel. On some level I understood that I needed to only regurgitate the information. My grades were all top of the line, so that was not a problem. I just told them what they wanted to hear. They visibly relaxed. Later, I asked the questions again and the response was more honest , it was “ We don’t know how to do that.’  I was so stunned, I went mute. 

I must become practical. I can realize that the system has become a storm of such reactions, and to stand and to bring in solutions, is going to mean standing within what are people, not remembering themselves, and yet they are right here. I am right here. I can, as I have done with my taxes, stand and sort out, no matter what because I am always right here, and what information comes up is a consequence of myself not standing grounded here in respect of the physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear information.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create an information within and as me, as words and ideas, beliefs and opinions to protect myself within and as remembering that something makes no sense in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say within myself ‘ no’ in relation to what exists, which is a form of standing as rejection in self protection and defense, and also acknowledging that which was noticed yet believed by me to stand outside of, not addressing this and instead noting it, in self interest and a belief that it was impossible to address.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within all of this, I watched how this was created, how the separation into and as a mind consciousness in separation from practical reality was built, at times seeing the patterns and speaking up about them, where it appeared I had some intuitive ability to understand things and therefor was insightful at times, which is really very limited thinking.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a positive charge on the word ‘ intuitive’ as though it made me special.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to forget that what is here is composed of men, as it is men who hold this together, thus to imagine the systems, like the IRS as being some huge entity with no name, is an illusion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get all wound up within and as ideas that the system and the mind is this huge amorphous entity that has no name, and is something that I must remember myself within, as this is not addressing a past that watched this being formed, and realizing that it is composed on nothing of real substance here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I remember that I am here, on a physical planet where practical actions create life.
When and as I find myself moving into a very quiet place within and as myself  as that ‘no’ I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I remember myself to the physical world, a world with systems that are composed of men.

When and as I find myself rushing to ‘ LOOK” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I can look here, ground myself here, that the values, as the charged emotions are my own accepted and allowed reactions to un ungrounded information , a separation from reality as the physical.
When and as I find myself believing that I am not enough to sort through such separations I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that inherent potential within as that insight within another that is the same as me, grounding ideas, beliefs and opinions as information into the practical, here as the practical real world is always right here, and the misinformation reveals its separation in limited thinking that misses what is in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself fearing to point out the practical and tell stories of my own separations, to become intimate with personalities and the practical, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I allow myself to come here, to be here.

When and as I find myself believing that there is some huge entity out there that has no name, I stop and  breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I am life, and thus I can practice life, and thus I move in a practice that grounds myself here, and considers all things, as much as I am able,  to ground myself into who and what I am as a physical expression that is the practice of life, here.

When and as I find myself getting all wound up in anxiousness,  I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that friction and conflict I accept and allow within and as me, as  noticing something is losing itself, where I focus only on the limited in fear of addressing it openly, and become quiet in self protection and defense, to look and avoid, overall myself rejecting the practical to which I can respond as I am here, present, noticing the separation, thus can I stand in the storm and remain present here.


When and as I notice a tension of reaction as anger, which is fear, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and  see, realize and understand that I can assess and investigate measure as what and who I am as a physical being, as I am a physical form that is like the most perfect calculator, and thus, I can go easy on myself as take the time to untime me here, to remain present in awareness of the physical, as it is always right here. 



Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Day 699 How can this be?

I am again looking at my experience within playing the violin. I remember in my thirties, especially, when  had two small children and I spent time practicing. I realized through those years that if I practiced with a part of myself resolving problems, which is myself being in my mind, then when I went to perform I had a harder time focusing on what I was doing. I had to go back and practice the piece again, to clear the emotional memory attachments from the music.

This also taught me, slowly, that the way in which I focused, of which I had control, while I practiced, was very important. I could learn something faster than is believed if I focused without sorting some issue in my life out in the back of my mind while practicing.

It also has created a situation where I sort things out in the back of my mind in other moments in my life.  

I also realize when I am doing this if I pick something up to read. The reading process becomes more difficult because I have to constantly refocus myself.

I also realize that there are moments when I naturally understand this process of being caught in emotions in others, as I have moments in the past where I was very calm in the face of emotions, and did not react, and could calm a situation, making the intense emotions small, bringing them down to size. 

I think we all have this capacity. We just need to look. There are moments when each of us have done this, not reacted to emotion and prevented a situation from becoming charged with reactions of blame and spite, want and desire, fear and survival.  We can see that instead we were that practice of problem solving leading, or remaining in a sense of ease in the community of others.
Within this, I can see where the potential for this is always present, it is always here. This is because we live in a practical physical world. The steps to get things done, are always right in front of us. What separates is from that is what we believe as thoughts, as measures about things, in our minds, our memories.

I was reading this book about education. In the book the conversation went into how the present system is formed and the limitations inherent in the design in terms of allowing a natural potential to problem solve and create in children. I found myself reacting with the words in my head “ how can this be.” This, has a charge behind it, that is more myself from the past as a child, not comprehending that something could possibly exist. It also brings up a memory that has the same colored charge; when I gave birth to my children. In both, there is this color that has the words “ How can this be!, What is this? Why does this exist!”  I must have asked myself this question throughout my life.  

It was not until I had an extreme situation that I finally turned this question into “ This is not life, where is life?” “ This cannot be life, where is it?” and “ I have to become life, no matter what.” And also the words, “ I am going to lose everything, everyone, it is going to be hard, and yet it has to be done, there is no other choice.”

LOL, I notice in this moment, that that statement of ‘ this is going to be hard’ has created a sense of this being a burden. And yet, I started this blog remembering those moments where I made small an emotional storm. In those moments, where I did not react and was at ease,  it was not hard, it just was. In these moments I was calm, and applied myself naturally, without judgement. And, this is the way to practice an instrument. This was the state I had to stand within, to efficiently practice something. 


This means overall, that if I practice, or stand here as the practice of life, meaning to always ground myself and breath here, I can accumulate a perfect practice, becoming a momentum of problem solving, calling emotions,  and the feeling that justifies the emotion, by name and downsizing them into the practical.  We can all do this. It is who and what we really are, it is the potential inherent by design in what we are as physical beings on a physical world.


Monday, April 25, 2016

Day 698 I love words. Yet not in the way I think.

I have been told that I am, or have loved, to be intellectual. Yet, this being true to some extent, it never really quite fit.  I loved words in many ways. I loved it when someone said something in a different way. I could read very badly written books just to hear how the person said something. Here, in contrast, I have so-called educated friends that could not read a book that was badly written.  Thus, by contrast, I was not only, as another way to say this, interested in well written books, I could read and listen to people who were not so polished in their use of words.  I had learned that even unsophisticated word use could have, in relation to myself, undiscovered insight and perspective. Because of this, I did not see myself as an intellectual. Through a measure of not only reading some collectively accepted ‘ well written or spoken “ word usage, I did not place myself in being ‘ intellectual.”  Amazing how I can justify resisting one point through one degree of difference! lol Yet, this is also a misplaced creative ability, an ability to absorb and discern measure.  This is a great strength turned within, inverting things within only, and as a consequence completely separate from reality, from the physical, from including reference to all life. 

In a moment, I realized how I had used words as a shield, creating a personality. In that moment, there was that personality, like a projection of an idea, to protect me ( from?) as loving words. By extension this is loving information.  I created a protective wall of words. There I was standing behind the words. In that moment, my whole voice and presence changed, like a mirage being removed, or being seen. I can’t do that anymore.  It is to say that I always gave from a point of self protection, which is self interest, and never gave of myself.  My survival came first. 

So, I ask myself, have I listened to words to protect myself, or have I listened to words to see through the veiled constructions of others in lack or in a seeming polished word use?  And, by extension,  have I been a seeker and a lover of information,? The difference is so subtle, yet both exist, and they are an occupation, separating me from myself, from being present here.  It is no wonder I have not been able to open my heart and give of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to love words in self interest.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use words in protection and self defense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear words.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a personality, a persona of words, charging words with a value in and of themselves.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that words are a means of communication, never being the reality around me as the physical, the real information that is creation information.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I do not have the words I do not understand, thereby getting caught up in such a belief, and missing what is right here in front of me, as the physical, where words are the means of men to communicate and order themselves within.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make idols of words.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a dictionary lacking reference to life, as the physical, the real information of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to words as a means of getting attention.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that part of me that forms the words,
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to over time, lose myself in words, and separate myself from being grounded, here, equal with what is real, as the physical, as who and what I am before any words came to be the means of communication as me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self pity, like a rain coming down, from my mind, like the death of an idea, as something I have allowed to limit the expression of myself as life, and to feel shame, and regret, as this is more of the same, as myself in separation from being present here, respecting everything that is here as the physical world, thus instead of self pity, and shame and regret, it is to ground myself here, standing up as who and what  I am as a physical beingness in expression here.
Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not enough.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that my words are not enough, when it is not the words it is what and who I am in relation to the words I speak.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remember myself to the physical in every moment, in every breath, the very infrastructure of here, as this earth, as this hearth, as this heart of and as me, being grounded in reality as the physical, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become like the stars in the sky, emerging from the darkness, as being the real potential of myself as life, in expression here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as an inflated value system, charged with resistances and acceptances as value judgements about the physical, in protection and defense of my own fear of being life, in a mind consciousness system of limited ideas, opinions and beliefs, hidden in the labels  and idols of gender, culture, race, nationality, class, religion.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide through the use of words, in ritual, tradition, and testimonials about reality without real investigation that I have accepted and allowed without question and without cross reference to the practical, as the physical reality that is me, before any and all ideas, beliefs and opinions I accept and allow to define me, and to instead remember being present and grounded, in respect of the infrastructure of and as the physical world.


I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the present system is the same as me,  using constructs of and as words to create a legal fiction supporting a military industrial complex of protection and defense, using the economy of the ecology that is the means of life  to hold in place constructs of beliefs , opinions and ideas, creating rituals, ceremonies and testaments  that one thing is more than another, all in separation from reality as the physical.

When and as I find myself beginning to speak, I stop and I breath, and I ground myself here, slowing way down, to assess my starting point.
When and as I find myself beginning to speak, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I remember the physical the practical, here.
When and as I find myself using words, within and without, I slow way down, breath and ground myself here, remembering my feet on the ground, and all that is here as the physical, the trees, the animals, the plants, the planets, the air, the water, the soils, the birds, the dogs, the cats, the horses etc.
When and as I find myself placing myself into and as words, I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, to accept and allow the physical as me, here.
When and as I find myself moving to express words, I stop, I assess reality, I ground myself, here,   I let go of the past, as what I have accepted and allowed, and I stand here.
When and as I find myself reacting to words, I stop and I breath, and I sort them out here, grounding them here, bringing resistances, jealousies, limitations here, relating ideas, beliefs and opinions as words, to the physical, as reality, as the practical, here. 
When and as I find myself becoming tense, within and as my chest area, and my physical body, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, no longer accepting and allowing a projection of words as a wall of defense, to realize the simple in the moment, as I am here, in this moment.
When and as I find myself  reacting to limitation, to resistance, to justification, to jealousy, I stop and I breath and I ground myself in the infrastructure of the physical, to live what is practical, here, realizing what does no harm, here.
When and as I find myself becoming a personality of words, of loving words, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, equal and one to the physical, in respect of life, here.

When and as I find myself moving as words only, I stop and I breath, and I ground myself here, to see realize and understand the physical, to understand life, which is physical through a cross reference of the life that surrounds me and is me as the physical.

When and as I find myself listening to words I see, realize and understand that I can hear the subtle articulations and pressures of values pulled into greater emphasis or lack of being processed, the tapering off of sound, the clutter of justification, and I see realize and understand that no matter what, the words are in the end a reflection of reality, a type of song in chaos, of and about the physical and yet they are the seeds of creation, as words are things and they are sound. 



Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Day 697 The separation from existence in the resistances to the real story.

The separation from existence in the resistances to the real story.

I can see when I resist. I can see this because I fear telling the real story, and instead I hold onto the lie. I know when I lie because I resist the real story. I see this when I react, whenI suppress expression as a movement when I fear losing a friend, or losing a job, or losing being accepted by a group of friends. My motivations as what I allow to direct me, in every move I make, reveal what I resist, and where I fear being clear. This absence of ease, and the tension of fear are me knowing where I am not telling the real story.

Yesterday I was with a friend and we sat for a moment looking at the roaring ocean, A man came and stood on the hill in front of my car, becoming a part of what was in the previous moment only a view of the ocean. My friend became annoyed and started to complain about that man having to stand right there in that moment.

This man moved away, and another man came and stood in the same spot. My friend suddenly said. ‘ Huh, I was so annoyed by that other man, and yet this man is not bothering me at all”

This friend of mine has had a stroke and is now trying to reclaim movement in the half of his body that has become paralyzed from the stroke. I have to ask myself why we begin to self monitor when something has gotten to the point of devastation in our lives. Why do we begin to look at our reactions to things, our lie-by-omission stories within, that are filled with resistances about and towards things in the world around us that are the same ‘ dust’ as us. 

This moment  revealed that we are aware of our resistances. It shows how our resistances to things - and ideas can be things -  we can realize in the very movement within ourselves.  We reject things, we push them in the form of blame and spite, our voices laced with irritation and anger, onto objects around us.  This act, of sound, really has only the power we give to it. It cannot touch us, unless we accept it. At times, we can use this, accept such dramas to detract attention away from ourselves, or into another subject. We use this to wind a way towards our own justifications for doing the same. It happens in many measures, with many colors of emotion. The shades of grey of spite and blame; an act of labeling without realizing the real potential within everyone. This means being a mis-use of a capacity to absorb measure and create with it. 

We spend our lives in such bubbles of ignorance until what we resisted accumulates and effects our bodies and the world around us, as a lack of our real potential is a kind of extinction of life. This is hidden in plain sight in our behaviors, as what we blame and spite, because projections of ideas about things onto others, objects and things is us resisting what is real as the physical world around us. We can realize this in those moments we spite and blame. This is not taking responsibility for one’s self, and being here, accepting the life around us that is what it is in plain sight.

Given that the math of what we accumulate within, effects what comes after, as the biblical math explains, what we allow as a sound within ourselves, lacking in real substance, as it is a house divided against itself,  what we believe and what we sound as a measure, as a belief, opinion or idea, if it is of resistance, it accumulated within us, and is passed down. From generation to generation we sound forward our self interest, effecting those to come. Because generation is what is generated/voiced/accepted, we give this to our children in the genes. If there is an order lacking in self responsibility, our children inherit our resistances. Or, our children inherit our lack of self monitoring, the degree of which is equal to the degree of spite and blame, as projecting name calling and label making about things and others. 

This can accumulate into dyslexia, and compound into ADD and ADHD, and autism. The drugs to control this, cannot remove this, and can even compound it some more, yet in the end this is what has been accepted and allowed. We can all see this, we all know this. It does and can get to the point of running on empty.  It can reverse itself, revoice itself, as each of us as well.  And it is done in the same manner as my friend. We ask ourselves through questioning our reactions to things, realizing where we resist. We realize the metaphysical resistances to and towards the things in our world within ourselves.  We forgive them, we use the gift of sound, the gift of life, and we sound anew what we are within ourselves. We do this before that stroke, we do this before our children bear the consequence of what we sounded. And why, because blaming a child for not seeing directly, is not an act of seeing directly, it is more of the same that has a consequence of paralyzing the within, the body, that then has a long road to recovery.


It is time to discover ourselves as life. To discover through questioning our allowances. This is gifting ourselves self responsibility, to be able to stand in every moment, never carrying a lie, and standing equal and one to the potential of life within ourselves. Remember, we see what we do, we know- so great is our capacity to sense the world around us.


Monday, April 18, 2016

Day 696 Does Consciousness work differently than we think? What is the simple?

The simple makes the steps small, outlines them, structures them.
The simple grounds, lends ease and turns inflated ideas into possibilities, into measurable applications.

Fear inflates values, causing chaos and the loss of communication with life. This is a loss of connection to the practical. When that moment appears, that moment of clarity, then that which blinded and covered life, shrinks into points that are but specs in space. This is when one can see the potential in creation, that field of endless possibility that was hidden, or shrouded by one’s fear.. What was huge and distracting, as a polarized and inflated energy, downsizes and becomes a memory of information of a mis-take, a process for gotten as what it is- like learning to walk.. Guilt and shame and self pity, are more of the same as blame and spite. 

That point of believing the inflated values that distract from the simple, can in every moment be made small, as I can remain constant in accepting the world around me, the physical that is in plain sight. We can as what we are, do one thing at a time so there is the space and time to realize what blocks seeing what is in plain sight. 

We all have moments where we see a way forward that is clear, as though we suddenly see a structural whole, yet to direct ourselves here, means moving one small measure forward, just like building a house. That next step must be walked. If I were master of myself, would I be able in every moment to see the whole and remain in the small, as that point of creation building, as that next step? Would this bring joy and the satisfaction that comes with real focus in the present moment? 

I mean I can fret over taxes, yet my taxes are done within adding numbers together. This is collecting digits about things and placing them into a form. I mean, cooking food involves more than this. Food has so many more qualities than adding up income earned and expenses covered. I can go back and look at bank account detail and highlight each expense in a color, and then add them all up. Twelve banks statements is really a very small number! It makes me wonder how our government can have a deficit especially when there are lots of people adding up the digits.. In today’s world with data collection, how can our government have unaccounted for money? Why do we listen to mandates based on data by a system that has no account in other areas? The answer is that we cannot. It is simple. 


How is it that I can see this in one area, and in another moment inflate some value and react to something with charged emotion? This is revisiting the point of seeing a response of ‘ complicated’ as myself not being practical, and here, and in the moment. I am the cause of complicated, which is really myself resisting myself. I can blame no one but myself. And why must I return to the simple, realizing it is a signature of being present?  Because this is the only way towards that kind of focus that in nature lends a sense of real ease. This is accepting creation.

In other words, I cannot make a decision until I realize the measure right in front of me, and understand it so well, I can move around within it, as in assess the information from many perspectives, with ease. This is a fearless ability to stand and assess, to investigate, to define and to question, to build a framework within any given area, and move in ways that cause no harm. It is who and what I am as life, always here, and that is myself hearing the potential of creation in every moment. This is becoming humble in relation to life. This is forgiving myself in respect of life, the physical being life information.


Saturday, April 16, 2016

Day 695 The allowance of self discovery.

The allowance of self discovery.

In slowing down and learning to listen, I realized a point in building relationships with others. It is also a relationship with myself. I slow down and  listen to what thoughts, opinions and ideas accumulate and are allowed that then define experience.

In this, listening to another is to bring self discovery forward. It is seeing what is here, as this physical world, and living the value being life. The means is to define one’s words as a starting point, to ensure that everyone is of equal measure in understanding. 

Within this, if I react within wanting acknowledgement for information I am already acting superior, and creating a state of inferiority and control of information. I am  racing ahead within this desire for acknowledgement. I am abdicating my presence to here, in effect.  I am allowing  information to become more than the value being understanding a clear measure that lends self responsibility. 

Why? Because the physical world is given, it is us, it is right here, and it reveals by its nature, freely, its own form and function. In other words its measure is right here in front of us. The only quest in this regard is to discover the physical for oneself. No one can be that discovery but one’s self. 

Listening to another person is a lot like listening to one’s self, as each is a measure of values accepted and allowed as how one defines what has been discovered in their world, or resistances towards understanding the simple, what is the same in everyone, and that is that we are physical beings on a physical planet.  After all, words are esoteric by design. Words reflect one’s accepted measure within. Only self can change this.


Sunday, April 10, 2016

Day 694 Does the degree of automated behavior match the degree of a lack of presence?

There was a time when I was cooking every night for my children. Someone had given me this small tv, so I put this in the kitchen and would watch the news as I cooked. Then, as the news ended and a tv series would come on, I suddenly found myself watching the series, and it started to happen every other night.

I noticed that I was doing this too often. So, one day I took away the television, This started a period where I would change things, from one moment to the next. It was myself realizing how quickly I could become stuck in patterns of behavior.

Around this time, I found I could no longer read novels. I would open them and read the first two sentences and put them down. It was like the novels themselves started to follow the same patterns. so I started to read biographies and three or four books on one subject. 

Then, sometimes I would talk with people and they were saying things to me like “ you’re an intellectual” and yet, I never really saw myself as that. I had met some professors, and often when one got to know them, they would repeat the same things again and again. I started to see how a professor could get stuck in a pattern. They learned some things and assembled some books for a course, and it is as though they remained in that line of information. This is not a bad, yet in our busy lives we at times cannot see what is right in front of us. And time goes by.

My sister told me this story the other day, She has met a man and chatted with him for a while. He  was looking back at his life and realized that he had spent the years with his children very involved in hockey. All his friends were involved in hockey. Here he was, children grown, and he never had anything to do with any of the people he befriended through hockey. He could not even figure out how that had happened. He did not even know if he really liked hockey!

I notice, since I walk process, as the journey back to life, that my movements can go into an automation. I find myself not even noticing that a spoon is made of steel, or even where that steel came from.

There is a rage going on in my town. A woman lives near what was at one time a salt marsh. At present there is a restoration process moving forward. Her property will be effected. She writes rants about how her lower yard, where she grows vegetables will no longer exist. I asked myself, when the marsh was closed off for a railroad in the 1800’s, if anyone asked all the sentient beings in the marsh if they were going to be upset when their fertile ground  suddenly dried up and changed in chemistry? Did anyone consider them?

I also ask, why we have no awareness of what is actually physically here?  Do we get stuck in patterns because we are actually bored, and yet, are so creative that anything is better than nothing? Like rats in a cage, when given only heroin laced water, they drink the water until they are dead. When given a cage full of things and pure water, the rats will not choose the  means of a lesser physical experience, as that heroin water. Perhaps , the system we are allowing through our acceptances, is like that heroin water, where we become habituated to less, and get lost in patterns because at least we are feeling something. What would it be if we were aware of where the things we use come from, what animals and plants and situations existed that were changed for that steel spoon. Were we present and aware of what is here - all the sentient beingness around us - would we get lost in automated behaviors that we wake up from, entering regret or shock at what we lived?

I mean, should we not live our lives in such a way that we can say we knew what we choose, and we loved what we choose? Should we not live in full awareness of our choices?  Can we see the patterns of behavior we get stuck in?  Or, do we remain in patterns because the idea of facing something different appears too great, so we decide to remain in a patterns as a comfort?  Do we realize what our ignorance does not only to ourselves and others as well?

Can we see that our vaccines are meant to make us sick so our medical industry can create jobs? Can we see the math of the information that touts a good to present a story line of salvation, when that salvation is a constructed means to move wealth into the hands of a few, suppressing the very life we are living, to the point where we acclimate to boredom and when our patterns are interrupted we scream that we are going to lose something? And in this, we do not consider the lives of others, or we are too afraid to walk away from a job because we fear losing money, even when we see the damage every day and we know that somehow this is not what life was meant to be? Do we realize that our bodies replace all the cells every seven years, which begs the question as to what is deteriorating cells within a seven year period? 

Even our nano science  reveals that homeopathic remedies do indeed have particles from the plants infused into them, and that water is a resonator. Thus, what are we resonating into our water that is burdening the cells?  Do we leave a resonance that is a coping mechanism based on not bad, yet limited information?  A dis-use of capacity is a stress, as science is also finding out, hence that pattern one is stuck in, does as much damage as a life appearing to be busy with hockey, the resonance as a measure we allow, or the text books we assemble to teach a class, become what we carry within us.  IN essence we become like pack horses of an inner formation! And somehow we all know this. So what we fear the most is the way out. What we face is a shadow governing force within. That is all. It is a vine of information, that started with a small movement, that took the self directive capacity of self, and became a demise within. And then one lost self mastery.

What if we were to become aware of what is here? What if we questioned the disease that is around us, and said, no more? What if we did as we were told, to become a living word? After all, what does a living word imply? Would it not mean to see directly here, to be aware of what we are doing with the physical world around us? Would it not mean that what is real is the physical? Would it not mean that to be focused here, on the physical world, and how it moves in real expression, eliminate the voice of salvation because we would be speaking in real values, values of quality about things, not good or bad, but that nature of things, the potency they express as their natures or character of and in what they are? Would this not be a world of such depth that the measure of understanding in each of us would be filled with life?

And so, we can begin to walk discovering words, to guide us. We can learn the nature and quality of things, we can be present, aware of everything we do, of the things we use and where they came from, how they were produced, from the moment something was planted or extracted from the ground, and how the sentient beings were managed. We can bring ourselves out of some heroic story in our imaginations that follow a limited story, that really only serves the real welfare babies living in paper castles scheming up toxins and wars, lost in a checker board game that is in separation from reality. 


The language of life, is not going to be the language of a false imagination. Out present politicians are so lost in a game of power that they no longer have any connection to reality. And we, the ones below lost in patterns and habits and accepting the unacceptable, are the means to put an end to a system on earth that is not the image and likeness of life. To realize what we are doing, we need only look at what we are doing, in every move we make. When we do this, we will realize how absent we have allowed ourselves to be.

Since we are absorbent beings, what does a perfect practice? What does an imperfect practice - or limited practice? How are we informing ourselves? Are we master of who and what we are?  Would the real nature of each fit into life, as life would birth only what is best? Would the real nature be the best of you, and would that be what is in tune, and hence what is eternal?