Friday, May 22, 2015

Day 637 The Follower, the Habit of Limitation.

The Follower,  habit of limitation.

We learn by following. Somehow, this means of expanding and learning, has become stagnant. We get stuck in the following, the taking in of form, and get bogged down in this process, losing that which is the means to follow, to take in, to receive, that what we are receiving, as what we are allowing, gets lost within the overall step of having a perspective of what we follow. Of course, if we are in a box during our developmental years, there is nothing to cross reference in the moment: we memorize the form only. We accept it without recognition into the whole, as this life we must participate within to live. We are fed a lot of knowledge and information, with a busy work that creates a smoke and mirrors show of information to memorize, with little time in the inherent scheduling of this, to apply a practice in actual real living as what we essentially do in our adult years. So, it is like a blinding busyness of parts that are good, but the method of delivery is the means of separation into a cognitive map that becomes like its own story that manifests as a running train in the head, this moving so fast, the real world outside the windows of our minds -our memory fabric, can no longer be seen. And it is composed of truths playing an associative game in a bubble. The veil. We built it, we accepted it, we allowed it. We can blame no one but ourselves and only we, each one, can change it. Since it was built, it can be deconstructed and reconstructed.  Life ultimately, is forgiving, because this is the nature of life. Life will if allowed and accepted. 
My own habit of following the authority of my environment, built by the generations that came before me, and my own acceptances and allowances, races so fast, as me, as this is what I practiced, appears impossible to stop, to slow down. I must remind myself of a segue moment, where, just as if I were running very fast, that momentum and speed needs the physical act of slowing down and turning the tides within me, of my belief, my accepted opinions, my ideas, my personification, how I define myself.
I automatically follow, so habituated to this am I. I did not stand grounded and assess what I followed, as a form, and cross reference practical application and the consequences of this to the world around me, that world I so wanted to participate within.  The practice of slowing down, seeing my acceptances and allowances, and grounding myself in reality, seems daunting, and yet, the more I practice this, the more ease I have in communication with reality, the physical. So, it is like the view from the follower remains and the ability to communicate and ground spreads through me in a moment. The old follower wanting to cry in the frustration of following only, within accepted limited beliefs, and the new joy underneath, that of being able to face the limitations and communicate a means to realizing solution, as what gives self direction within and without. The joy of living. It is time to take back one’s joy. The follower believing suddenly that perhaps the worth is not there, as oneself. Yet the worth is the measure of the follower speaking up and not the process of respecting life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a belief that I am unworthy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy not seeing realizing and understanding that this is the limitation of my accepted and allowed measure built of limited values, habituated without cross reference into the practice of living a physical life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cry for and about the construct of limitation I accepted and allowed.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that movement within and as me, as energy, as the division of myself into limited values, to define myself, as I believed that this, that was my creation, was more than the reality around me as life, that which would be information as the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite, in self interest within and as my accepted and allowed self aggrandizement.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to want to become indignant, in and as a belief that the fault is not mine, when it is because I projected blame and spite instead of solution as in respecting life, as in being thankful for simply being in life, as the physical, as this is life in expression.
I forgive myself for not slowing down and considering all things, in every moment here.
I forgive myself for abdicating myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the fault of limitation as knowledge and information only, without practical application in respect of the physical world, as the physical is life information, is creation in form.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow only, ideas, beliefs, and opinions, in a metaphysical way, creating a paranormal existence within and as me, all in separation from being a living word, as in respecting myself and the physical world around me in thought, word and deed, here.
When and as I find myself falling back into the habit of following only, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I accept my own accepted and allowed limitations, as the self definitions of the mind, and I follow through into cross referencing the practice of living as a physical beingness as life would, into and as a transformation within and as myself into and as what is best for all, until I am here, grounded, at ease, self directive, present, here.
When and as I find myself following, I stop and I breath, and I take that which is good and does no harm, as what is best for all, and I cross reference, as respect, as enjoy, as communicate, as interact, with the without as the physical to equalize the within to the without, and in so doing, let go of myself as mind, losing everything to gain everything, to become the full potential of myself as life here.
When and as I find myself following, as my habit of limited knowledge and information where I judge one thing as more than another, and as such resist based on my ideas of value to survive, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I stand within and as the tension of my practice, my accepted measure as energy, as belief, and I ground myself here, as the past does not define me here in this moment.

When and as I find myself funneling into and as a movement that is a tension, like pulling myself into strings of expression, to project without,  I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, as let go, as open up, and bring back into and as a consideration of all things, as a cross reference to life here, as the physical, to enjoy the expression of life here, as a man, to enable myself to communicate what is best for all, to become equal in understanding in and as the practice of physical life, as this is the expression of life in form, as this is the value, as this here, is life.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Day 636 Moving from the Big to the Small

Moving from the big to the small.

A point opened up where I realize that I had judged some actions as being tedious. Looking at this in relation to what I am doing in my life, I realized that I had a belief that some of the required actions were tedious, and yet there I was talking about moving from the big to the small. Someone asked me a question, about sentences, and I realized that sentences are made up of words, thus, if I know the words, the small, I can then see the sentence.
Slowing down to realize the implication of this might cause a resistance within myself, because I have to change my belief, and move my ability to perceive. One could say, I have to refine my perception.
This is a process of  slowing down, becoming smaller, moving through the layers of belief that I have accumulated; conceptions of reality, learned in a system where I became the measure of my practice, which is years of being in classroom moving as thinking only and in front of televisions telling me a story that I allowed myself to believe was the real story when it was not. It was so often a limited story, not going into the detail of the real measure of living a physical life. I accepted and believed the anecdotes of extreme cases used to justify the mean as the accepted and allowed measure of reality from the ubiquitous projection of someone else’s take on this practice of living in a physical reality. Meanwhile, reality was right there, right in front of me. I can blame no one but myself, because I accepted and allowed the measure of me to become the response of another. I followed instead of investigated, I abdicated my own common sense, I gave away ownership of myself as life, I ignored practical reality.
One thing I run to and towards is a desire for intimacy. Though this is all around me, as me, as a physical state of being. By intimacy I mean, simply being in a mode of communication that flows with ease, the practice of understanding coming before competition.
Overall, in the moment, I will watch for this sense of something being tedious, because this is my accepted and allowed belief system, as a measure that is not equal to practical living. This sense of something being tedious, is the source  as my accepted inner measure that separates me from what I seek, which is intimacy in all my actions in this physical life. The way and the means of intimacy, is to breath when this sense, as the measure of my belief as energies of my accepted mind construct, of something being tedious comes up, to slow myself down, to make myself small, to humble myself,  to forgive the construct, and look to the parts and the whole, to become the walk of intimacy with life, as life must be information and that information is physical. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a belief that something is tedious.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become overwhelmed in and as a belief that something is tedious.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I am as mind, as belief, as the measure of my accepted understanding within as knowledge and information, must be cross referenced with the practice of living a physical information as what life would be, and within this to slow down, to become small, to become humble, to sense here, to enjoy the intimacy I have the capacity to be, as this is myself as life as what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense within and as me, as what I have practiced again and again, repeated again and again as this is how I learned and all in separation from the intimacy of the physical as what I am as the means of life in expression in information, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that the rush of belief is a desire for something based on a construct, an agenda built of ideas that mis-take the practice of living and respecting life,  rejecting values, ignoring them, as I rush to an inner idol believed to be more real than what is right here in front of me as me as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an energy composed of a belief in one value being more than another, and then becoming uncertain and defensive when my limited value does not fit into reality, or is not received as I expected.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something more than being here, in respect of physical life, as this is life information.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that as I compose myself into a formation within and as me as a belief, focus on this belief, this idea, without cross reference to life, as the physical, I am using my imagination, to compose the presence of myself into a limited idea without consideration of the reality around me that enables my self to exist as the physical is creation information, the eye of the needle, the way and the means to becoming equal and one to creation, as the physical is life information, as this is that which can withstand the test of time, and what I accept and allow as idea, within and as me, only, is not, my personification is myself in separation, moving into ideas, separating myself from being present here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that if I move as my within construct to be more than the physical, I misuse the muse of me as life, and separate myself from life, creating an alternate reality as mind, that consumes the flesh as my walking story I project within and as me , as ego, becomes my televised edition of reality within and as me, that sucks the life out of me, until I die a death instead of transform into and with and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this composition within and as me, tenses the muscles within and as me, making myself rigid, stuck, a practice which has become the very movement within habituated like a record of behavior practiced again and again, which takes an effort to slow down, and reform, deconstruct and begin to move as something more flexible within and as change in every moment here, walking the practice of considering all things and taking that which is good.
When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand where I am in judgment.
When and as I find myself  moving into tensing up within and as me, assessing my breath, in every moment, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to ground myself into realizing that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, and that I am here, able to sense the physical world around me, to assess what I am within, and what is without, even within the limitations as resistance in another, to gage where I am in relation to another through asking questions, taking the time to equalize in understanding, here, and to move into solutions as in move into what is best for all, here.
When and as I find myself moving into a morality based on conditioning that I accepted and allowed, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to see realize and understand respect for all things, as life as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm.

When and as I find myself  becoming tense within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, I assess what is here in measure, and move through my own accepted and allowed fear of survival into a measure that is best for all, through assessing the creation of myself within in separation from reality and what it means to be grounded here, in respect of physical reality as the means of myself as life here.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Day 635 The Fabric of My Persona

The Fabric of My Persona
I had an experience yesterday where I was alone with a human being playing a role in our society.  As I stood there talking with him, I could see some fears coming up in relation to my role towards his role. That uncertainty , like a fly buzzing around behind my head. I slowed down and went into the basics; I had been asked what I did.  The basics; myself in another life stood before me.
I notice often how we breath, our breath never really at ease. For me, this is an indication to slow way down, within and without. Slowing down the words and getting real simple. Often the words I speak, becoming metaphor, an indirect way. Given the limited time, it is to just stick to this, as it is not offensive or confronting. Yet, it can give a structure easy to hold, planting a seed.
In all of this, on reflection later, I realize as I looked at myself slowing down, how much effort within myself is used to maintain a persona. The rushing it involves. The act of slowing down, and moving into the basics, allows a respect of the persona, and a non-threatening calm. This that is used to separate, can be used to ground. Is this taking that which is good and does no harm?
Is this slowing down a ‘ novel’ experience, because of having spent so much effort and time using my awareness to build and  maintain a persona to survive?  That personification building and maintaining exhausting. This seemingly ‘ novel’ experience an ease that was always there and was more normal, so a double edged surprise? By this I mean, this is a discovery, so it is something new, and yet, it is what is normal. So, within the new, is the realization that the persona was one caught in a drama that had no reality, it was a storm in separation from what was natural, which was being equal to the practice of living in a physical reality.

Overall, this is not having had enough information about what we are here, in total. A loss of a sense of reality. In effect we are not grounded here, and it is being grounded here, that is that which brings ease. The dis-ease is being caught in the projection only. Thus, the compounded problems around us, are the effects of the effort to build a persona to survive without considering the practical application of living a physical life.  

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Day 634 Cat Punching and a Cup-is-a-Cup.

Cat Punching and a cup-is-a-cup.
We go to school, in a box, and we follow. We become the experience that reflects our focus and with repetition, we become what we think about. What is the model of our schools? We spend hours and hours in our childhood, in our developmental years, following knowledge and information, every day, again and again and again. Until we become the measure of this, we become, with our presence, up in that part of ourselves where we abstract things, as thinking, only. The information we receive, as we follow, becomes our lego blocks. We build things with the in-forms and walk in this world in a bubble, directing ourselves as this focus built of repetition into thinking, and we use the blocks of information imparted. Education has the word ‘ educe’ in it. this means to draw out. What is it that we are drawing out? And what is it that we draw with this stuff that we use to draw that comes from within us? Is this the ‘ stuff’ children use to rapidly learn languages? Is this the ‘ stuff’ that we are/ become/allow, and use, to be educed into a form as our memories? 
It is like playing a piece of music, one follows and follows the musical piece, as the information. If one person in the group, questions, or adds, of misses the ‘ music’ as the information in the moment in a space and time moment, all the other parts are going to react in that closed moment- so -to-speak. Of course, there will be reaction. If the music is against the grain of the music/information being per-formed- that is scribed to express, there will be a reaction. Also, to note, if something is added that actually supports the music, there can be reaction because an idea of how something should be as in following the notes exactly can cause reaction where the added expression in a moment could be beneficial. If the mind-set, if the mind is set, on one way ONLY, then the addition, after a skill is developed, will be rejected without consideration of the whole and the parts and form and function, movement and flow. Thus, things can be added. I think of Brahms here, he did not always flesh out his development sections, and playing them sometimes, over and over again, it would dawn on me that the theme was really cool, but maybe that day, Brahms was occupied with something else and was not in the mood to flesh out the theme. lol
In tandem with becoming followers of information lacking equal development of objectively looking at the measure of it, we do not understand that when we move against the information we get the flow of information having to adjust. This appears as reactions. Either this resists that change of flow, or moves with it - and here this can also move into limitations of information flow. These reactions can be a fear of a loss of outcome expected, as in a lesson that is supposed to be taught, or the loss of a momentary gain.  So, we learn at a young age when our information is a scaffold being built, that interrupting information, the song, can cause reprimand, or upset as the person getting off track, from their habituated flow, their ‘ song’ so-to-speak. If this is repeated, then we can end up judging ourselves, and fearing to cause this to happen. Now, we are not only that habituated flow and presence in thinking only, we are also fearful of upsetting that ‘ song’ - flow of information. Meanwhile. a grounding in the starting point of realizing that this is what is happening is lost. Our starting point being a man in a body, of the same as that body, that was born and started to inform our presence into the experiences we encountered. These ‘ encounters’ becoming the measure, the ‘ count’ of us. And we become the personality, the projection of this ‘ count.’
We grow up. That ‘ count’ either directs us in effective ways, or it does not. And, we are impulsed to fear addressing the informed count around us, because we have memories or counts, of reactions and believe that there is no place to go, because we have also been impulsed to believe by the numbers of others doing the same around us, that there is only one way. We go to school, and we learn. Which does happen, so it is not a lie. Yet, it a lie, a lie by omission, because the informing, as the educing being done, conditions our behavior, and the forms themselves are only  a part of the story. Some of the behaviors are not to upset the ‘song’.

Obviously, punishing the form is not the solution. Punching a cat is not the solution. It is no different than punching a cup. Punching the physical does nothing to change what has been informed. If we want to blame the system and punch parts of this physical world, nothing is being done to change  the limitations that created the frustration. The only way to correct is to reform what one is as information. No amount of anger or fear or reaction as venting and releasing via smashing the physical life forms around us is going to change that behavior. One must ‘ educe’ from within, and move against the habit, as the song within, as the information flow within, forgive it, reground it and begin to express one’s self here in respect of the physical, realizing that one’s information is like a ‘song’. One’s memories are like a song. And that song has voices in the head of blame and spite, because the limitations as the information are not equal to what is practical, and because we are taught to remain in the abstract - where all manner of ways exist to manipulate- we reflect on this information up there in thinking only, trying to sort this all out, rejecting this, accepting that, projecting the faults of our educement on beliefs, opinions and ideas, because we don’t realize through those years of transition from a natural sense of the world around us, is away from the forest, from life, and into standing in front of one tree only, and that ‘ tree’ is our accepted and allowed habits, because each participated in this, as being in thinking only. We are the cause of our accepted and allowed educement. So, cat punching is more of the same that one hates. It is using one’s greatest strength and continuing the weakness accepted. It is more of the same. The only way out, is to re-educe self.  To ground oneself back into the real life that we live here, which is a physical life, obviously, this is a practical life. How else would life be? That substance that is what is educed into a form, can be educed back into the practice of living, where a cup is a cup, and a cat is you, the same as you. Punishment cannot be a solution, it is only more of the same. The solution is to realize how this all works and to respect the physical, as the physical is life in-form-ation.  That effort of existing as the rage of an abstract mind information, is consuming your flesh, and it takes great effort. Your natural state of ease, is being grounded here equal and one with the physical.  The acceptance of limited knowledge and information only, communicated in endless abstraction only, will react when questioned, thus it is not something to take personally, it is only to stand, forgive the allowance of self being educed into this limited measure, this para-normal measure, within and without, and to question what it means with every breath, in every moment, to live here. Because here, is life, the physical. Ground yourself back into the practice of living, and pet that cat, they will give life in return, one can hear it, just listen for the purr. That purr, is ‘perfection’. 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Day 633 When I react emotionally I exist as a system of default.

When I react emotionally I exist as a system of default.
When I am not focused here, being considerate of all things as this world that is physical that I use to move within and be in expression as, I become agitated, full of friction and conflict resisting and reacting to the practice of living. I hide myself as life, from here, from looking here, because of some accumulated idea I have accepted and allowed without investigation as to what I am in this physical form that is the practice of living- which must be a form.
Emotions are often my system of default, where I separate from respect for physical life, as physical and life are one and the same, because life must have form. As I begin my life here, I live in the space of here, this physical world, and I become what I repeat because it is through a repetition of cells in various ways that the form of me exists. I can sense when I cut my foot, for example, so I am aware to some extent of these cells as they transmit messages when a change occurs. If I am not present and respecting my physical self I will not notice when a tick bites me, for example. If my memory as my experience becomes more, the focus of me, then I will not notice when that tick bites, because I have focused more on my memory that on what it is that I was before I even had any memory!
Thus, when I react and project blame onto things around me, I am not being response - able, I am not looking at what is physically here information and paying attention to what I was before I had memory, which means that what I am as a physical beingness came before memory, which means that memory is built on top of the physical as me. No wonder men lose the ability to learn, because we allow ourselves to fill up with memories that we believe are more than what we really are. That initial state was learning to sense the world, and this sense was transposed into a limited measure as memory, and then made larger than life. This is that ‘ mind’ that we are told to stop by some religious accounts. This is what makes it so difficult to change, because the directions we have accepted are not clear, are not what grounds us here in respect of the physical as life. So, we have a system to counter this lack of clear structure within, that has become a snake eating its own tale, where the lack is blamed when the lack is the cause! Thus, we circulate limitation and blame, lack and spite instead of solutions and stability. Can we remember that all the existent borders geographically, politically, financially and socially are divisions for control of each part being in default of common sense, and that the solution is to reform ourselves back into a practice of realizing that the physical is the means of our being, and that the memory at present  is a form within each that is not equal to this means of life? 
The responsibility is really with each person, because what another says, is an idea, composed of a measure about reality, and not reality, thus what another says, suggests, imposes, dictates, cannot define the listener unless they accept and allow it!  And within this, we become the measure of our repeated practice. So, if we spend our early years in a box, being the state of taking in information dictated through words that come to inform  us, as a measure of belief that becomes our understanding,  we not only become what is informed, we also become the behavior of taking in information without reflection, without having the practice of asking questions about that information. And as children, if we are already impulsed to listen to adults, we have a hard time counteracting our own behaviors and standing up and questioning what information is given to us in our schools, and the adults to not have the time because the dictates are too many to stop and consider in time, and the adult is of the same measure of taking in without time to question, so by default of investigation in a structure of time in space, it is that all measure is to limit that common sense to investigate what is real, as the physical world.
We cannot blame anyone but ourselves, because we accept and allow this and it is each part as each man that is the one that has to change this, to ground the focus of that self as that one part, back into being practical in a physical formation as what life, of course, would be! No one can to this for another, each must do this for themselves.
Thus, each must forgive the memorial as the measure of one’s past in this unacceptable system of memories unequal to respect for the physical which is life, and ground back into becoming the practice of living, which is accepting life, which is accepting the physical world. the within has to be equal to the without. the default system of unequal measure through the fault of not investigating all things instead of only memory, and focus in what does no harm to physical life information.  Our pyramid scheme that has lead to ivory towers is a system of aggrandizing one point of organization to the point on the top of the scheme that exists in separation from physical reality up there, at a desk doting ‘i’s’ and crossing ‘ t’s’ without any sense of what happens to that cell on the bottom of that foot or hoof or root. So far in sense is that aggrandized point that it moves things around on a paper world of information only, being the good student in the school, taking in the information and regurgitating it without question, just to have praise and in fear of not surviving which has come to mean having money; something we all accept and allow when we fail to stand up and realize that the power is in the numbers, of many standing together and forming something new, the same way we formed the old, through many parts as many men, being a part of the structure of what exists in a physical world. No one part is more than another, such a conceptual measure is a belief and has nothing to do with the practice of living which is a physical information practice in all common sense.

If we fill our rivers up on the land, and the rivers as the blood stream and the neurological steams with things that stagnate that flow then the machine as the system of life does not function in its full capacity. If we fill our memory, our reflection of reality, with limited forms as information imparted in abstract ways only, then our elect- rons , our elected ‘ running’ system will function in terms of that information, and if it does not match what we move as and through and with, then the actions as the directives will not fit the form as the physical that is the means of this blue print, as what a memory is. And the memory has no real sustainability, so a media that is ubiquitous must exist, to impulse its limited measure again and again and again. And this information is not equal to the physical world, to life. The nature of this must be constantly reminded, because on its own, it cannot withstand the test of time, because it is not equal to the physical, to life. Because of this, what we call heaven, as our memories, is our default system, that which must be ‘brought down to earth,’  makes sense and is of course why it was said, “ we have to bring heaven, as our inner measures, down to earth if we want to get to heaven. It is as simple as that. When I want to blame something, I have to stop, I have to breath, I have to slow down, investigate practical reality, until I am grounded. When I sense what is best , which is what would be best for all, the only solution, I become the practice of investigation of the physical and am focused here, I repeat and become the practice of being focused here, I take myself back and direct myself.  I stand as the practice that can withstand the test of time, and the scream of the default system as a memory in separation of equal consideration of physical information that is what life would be of course.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Day 632 my imaginative perceptive lens of values separating me from the practice of living a physical life.

I had a dream last night where I was kissing someone while here were people all around me. Lately, I have been asking myself how I can connect with people more than I am currently able. In this journey to life, I slow down and look at how I moved myself, what thoughts directed me, that I had impulsed into my physical behavior, and what in turn came to create my personality. This is what I repeated, that because of the way I learn, through spaced repetition, became what I interpreted around me to define me, using a set of values that bordered my existence as my experience, limiting me from connecting. The paranormal fantasy of the imagination, in turn, shows the value system imagery to create the way for me to move forward with the information impulsed into it again and again. I think of the media and how ‘ love’ is impulsed, intimacy being something connected to a relationship more than other kinds of intimacy. I mean, I live here, and am intimate with all life, it is not a one-size-fits-all state of being. When I look at the physical as what I am here, and the same that surrounds me, it is all physical, thus, when I am not of this imagination only, I can become intimate with life, because what surrounds me, is me. The physical world is life, it is creation. The ideological dividends and borders held in check through a systemic design, are the dividing means to occupy attention from what is real, as some wanted to play god, and accumulate wealth to control, instead of realizing the value is being life as the physical. As a matter of course, if we realized the value was life and that life was physical, and became intimate with the physical before imagination, we could order this world into heaven on earth in a short period of time.
If I become intimate with the measure of my own separation into my metaphysical imagination and can share this, then I can use my separation to describe indirectly how I lost self-intimacy with life, with the physical, and connect to this life around me, within my relationships. It is like I share the reflection of the means of my separation.
My dream is an example of how my imagination uses values as what I have accepted to define connection within a very narrow focus, the details of which give no real directive in practice within connection, with being intimate with this reality. The units of measure are of values, limited ones, ones that take a life time to correct, but a short period of time to impulse, so great is our ability as physical beings to take in information. If the information impulsed is of limited measure, creating a warped value system, because the units are not necessarily ‘ bad’ it creates a lack in perception. With investigation of life, as one lives and has to opportunity beyond say sitting in a classroom taking in knowledge and information without practical application or exposure to language, then the opportunity to expand is extremely limited, and since the first years of life are when this ability is most open, before the imagination accumulated enough in-formation to become the play out as the imagination that begins to direct,  the separation because of existing in a situation where thinking and imagining only dominates, this becomes paramount, this whole existing in imagination over reality, this physical world in which one lives. Here, that absorbent ability is mal-formed and causes mis-takes because it has little or very very limited time spent investigating the very means of existence, which is the physical. This is why punishment of lack is a crime, because it is not the action of grounding one’s awareness back into the practical application that gives a directive to the physical, spatially, directives that support what is best for that form as a man. And, ironically, this is why in the special needs community, the practice is to create interventions that ground the child back into the physical. To which I ask myself, in this moment, ‘ will measures of grounding in this community, or are these measures enough to counter the world around the child that are the means of separation from being grounded in thought, word and deed? Probably not. We become, instead, a snake eating its own tale/tail ( imagination that is of a measure of values as some parts made greater than others- the cause of separation from being grounded and stable here).

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place one value in this physical reality as being more than another, and by value here I mean a quality, a measure, a form.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen realized and understood how  what I made a value greater than another value, quality, measure, become what defined me as what I brought forward as imagination causing and accepting a very limited construct as my belief system, separating myself into a intimacy as self that was of a measure that stagnated my own connection to and as life as what I am here as a physical being.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become limited information.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life,
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel shame for what I have accepted and allowed, as shame is regret, and is still an idea within and as me, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be shamed of my separation, to let this go and to realize the only choice is to focus myself here, equal and one to and as the physical as this is life information, and within this to investigate this reality, to self empower the gift of life that is me as my common sense to ground myself equal and one here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how the separation in and as me, starts in the family, as the parents are of the same separation and as this, became the measure of myself, where this overall is to forgive, and to investigate myself back into and equal with, this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life, to use limited values to define who and what I am here, to become the memory of and as this, layered within the waters of my physical body, creating directives that cannot transpose into being life, as practicing respecting physical reality this separation causing mis-takes that accumulate in my flesh that are too big to order into direct seeing and interacting with the practice of what it means to be a physical life information, here and that become a memory occupying myself as my little heaven,  that is really just shadows on the wall of and as my mind, that veil said to need to be removed in some cultures on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize and see, the composition of what 
I  have accepted and allowed, as my imagination, and that this is not what is real, and a limited system of values all charged with emotion and feeling, where what I reject persists because this is what I am not accepting as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at present my own intimacy as imagination is the picture show of my value accumulation, as what I believe will allow me to survive in a system created by many men that at present is an extension of what I have accepted and allowed within and as me, a system that over all does not value the physical, which means does not value life, as ideas, beliefs and opinions are made greater than the practice of respectful living.
When and as I find myself lacking in the ability to connect with others, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I forgive in spoken word what I have accepted and allowed as value judgements in self interest in fear of losing my own imagination as what I have focused on as being more than life here, and what I believe defines me, and I assess, as investigate what is here, and move in tandem with that which does no harm and takes that which is good as this is what sustains physical reality, the means of myself as life information here.

When and as I find myself  fearing the reaction of limitation as an imagination of some values made huge and other values rejected in fear of losing one value over another, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I assess what is here, to practice assessing what is here, to practice being flexible and changeable as myself as common sense, to become what can face the unexpected here, as in taking in what is here as the physical to enable myself to direct in ways that do no harm, and realize my own investigative powers with and in every moment here.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Day 631 Oblivion: the sense of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed experience.

Oblivion: The state of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed.

I am the measure of what I accept and allow. The memory of me, as the measure of me, determines the movement of me here. If I have a voice in my mind, as a measure, as an entity, as a thing, though of imagination, of a fluid, rushing heard-only-by-me within sound, it cannot possibly be what is real here. It is ‘real’ to me, and me only, it is a constructed perception of this reality because it comes from my perception of this world I live within, this world I am now a adult human being within. I am a man, and this is the hue within and as me as my experiences accumulated. I mean, what does the adage mean ‘ the sins of the fathers”? I think of sine and tangent and cosine, from my days in geometry.  Something about angle relationships. And ‘sinus’ meaning curve, and in Arabaic meaning ‘ pocket size’ . Somehow all word play describing the curve of memory, something that can fit into a pocket, somehow characteristics of what memory is. One must remove any value to memory, and see it for what it is without adding a value to it. It will remain, will not go away.  Listen to the voices in your head when you feel fearful, they curve you away from being practical, they distract, take attention, and they fit into the pocket that is you as a living physical form here on this earth. They are a measure of reality, a relationship made from an experience, done with ordering a set of values, not necessarily a bad thing overall. It is the limitation of values without considering the value being life here, as being physical. One thing about the mind, and about our system, is that we are impulsed to believe in being perfect immediately, a by product of instant gratification in a consumerist society. And, an indicator of our own lost sense of space and time in consideration as equal practice with being physical beings here.  And yet, what we long for is connection with others, just as children long to participate in a classroom.  
Ever stood on the sides and become inwardly agitated while listening to a conversation in the center of the group on which side you stand? Can you sort out what it is you are reacting to in detail, or does the agitation take over, and a sense of frustration and then a voice of criticism composed of terms, as words, as ideas, pointing out what is right and what is wrong and then moving into creating/voicing a story about the individual speaking, or the others in the ‘ inner’ part oft the group? Is this process of delineation ( which is what is it is) creating borders to  order in self interest as belief, or is this cross referenced with this reality, to sort and create into a collective understanding that unites and gives productive sustainable direction and order?  This is the measure of self, as idea, belief and opinion. It seems too real, and it is . Yet, it is a measure of understanding, based on judgement, composed of values of good and bad about the things around one, and this becomes a relationship as belief, that then becomes the experience of oneself, and if repeated, because we learn through spaced repetition, this becomes the signature of oneself, and the voice of oneself, and then if this does not direct with clarity, it causes problems because this signature lacks consideration of all things, and thus mis-takes, as things not considered, accumulate and one becomes locked in a valley, of shadows of good and evil, of right and wrong, and the clouds accumulate as this inner measure, until the ground, as the valley is no longer visible. It is like, we become the smoke in this metaphorical valley, and we dissipate because we become what we think about, what we form ourselves as, or allow ourselves to be formed as, because we can blame no one, as we are capable of reforming ourselves  with that same substance that forms the separation. This is the gift of life. The media cannot form the storm of you, unless you accept and allow it. It is by consent that we accept the story as the measure of what is happening in this world presented by our media. Without investigating reality in detail, we cannot blame another for ourselves, as a movement, accepting what is presented.

This reminds me of someone I knew growing up. They worked with all different races of people. They enjoyed working with them, and nurtured them within the building of awareness within a specific field. So, on the ground, they cared and directed within their understanding. Yet, when talking generally about things, as the socio-economic scenarios that were dictated via media with all manner of justifications and reasons, with all kinds of limited relationships made, they objectively looked at the same races they intimately directed in every day life and therefor understood the capacity of the person, yet viewed the same collective of people as being lacking in ability as a whole. The contradiction made no sense, because non the  ground, their token exposure to various races, was of a completely different experience. The relationships lived on the ground, in the every day, told a different story than the relationships made as groups on the media. And no attention to the details of the system was conveyed that would cause a man to become limited in their development , or frustrated with living. A man must have the basics to live, and the opportunity to build awareness as in being exposed to all measure of reality to become a capable person. This is understood, thus lack cannot be what defines a person and then punished for being that lack because this is not addressing the absence of what is needed to redirect the awareness of that in lack to no longer missing what is needed to be self directive in ways experienced in our immediate communities when we interact with that same race that happens to be in a situation where there is opportunity for development!

I practice self forgiveness, as the means to the end of an inner understanding being unequal to understanding practical reality. As I practice this forgiving of myself, I become what I practice, and I begin to ground myself here, realizing the necessity of respecting life, as in, with every breath, living the full measure of this existence, to become and be equal and one to life, to realize the full potential of what it means to bring heaven, my little heaven in and as the measure of my acceptances and allowances within, as my accumulated experience, as what I believe that I am,  as the very measure of my understanding, to ground this, to cross reference, to realize and be thankful in all humility, everything that is here around me as this actual , real physical world as this is the very means of me being here in expression as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged this gift of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the preciousness of this gift.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to be ashamed of what I have ignored that is right in front of me, as this gift of life, to be and interact, to connect and live, to become understanding that is whole and respectful that can exist within and as the ease of what being humble is in movement here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen, realized and understood, the separation from myself as life that I have accepted through fear of being self honest here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to define myself as limited experiences instead of using the measure of my experience to open myself to understanding what it means to live a physical manifestation of life as life would be here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand as I stood on the edge of community, that the experience of me as my memory, as the measure of my understanding,  was just this, and to have in abdication of myself as life, judged the measure presented instead of assessing this measure and cross referencing reality in respect of all life, to realize creation, as in taking that which is good and does no harm, as that which is a measure that considers all things, to direct in ways that bring solutions, as solutions are what sustains and expands existence in all parts, a collective interaction that realized in all humility that it is all parts standing as two or more in the name of life, which is the physical, that is the strength and building of heaven on earth.
When and as I find myself filled with an energetic movement of resistance, or of a tension in the back of my head, or in my chest, or a movement of pressure as contraction within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and accept the voices in and as miming, the complaint of my inequality to life, the complain of my lack of understanding, and I see realize the blame and spite I place on objects as reflections in my mind of stories, where I lame myself as life, in fear of being self honest, in fear of standing equal and one in respect of living here.
When and as I find myself becoming confusion and an agitated sense of frustration, I stop, I slow down, I allow the fury of my accepted and allowed separation into and as mind to subside, as I forgive the raging measure of limitation composed of beliefs of more than and less than, and I ground myself until I am silent, calm, humble, and I sense the measure of here, as reality, here as the physical, and I assess, I investigate until  I can direct myself in consideration of all things, realizing that this will take practice because from the get go, and from the accumulation of the sins-of-the-fathers, I must act with care and humility to begin to expand in a common sense of the physical world here.
When and as I find myself unable to be directive with clarity as with a sense of ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed an overwhelming sense of oblivion, thus, I slow way down and bring myself here, to ground myself here in the moment, and I stabilize in and with my breath, and forgive the limited measures as polarized beliefs, opinions and ideas, used to suit myself in survival in separation from accepting this physical world as life information here, and here I slow down, and use my common sense, to investigate and assess reality here, to realize in practice until this becomes a constant that can withstand the test of time, to be figuring with and as every breath here, to realize in thought word and deed equality and oneness to and as life here.
When and as I find myself lacking in humility and ease, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I investigate within and without, to ground myself into this moment here, to accept the gift of creation, as the physical, as this is the way and the means of life, and for this I am grateful, here.
When and as I find myself existing within and as a sense of oblivion,I  stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive myself to the measure of my accepted and allowed experience within and I cross reference the measure of what it means to be life, as life is a physical manifestation in expression as life would, and I realize the overwhelming nature that is the forgetfulness of oblivion, and I breath, I slow down, I humble myself until my breathe is calm, and I can begin to sense the within as my accepted measure and the without as this means of my being here, the physical, and I cross reference, until I can assess what is here and what directives consider all things and take that which is good, until I am equal and one with and as self forgiveness as is the nature of me as life, into what is constant in respecting the physical within and without, to become a constant in respect as self forgiveness to reality here.