Friday, July 12, 2019

Day #827 To Process

I noticed this imagery coming up in my head - or “ around me.” I put it off through letting it go and then noticed this was not enough, there was a persistence in the nature of this state within me. I stopped and felt overwhelmed yet knew unless I took this apart and forgave that which was feeding this inner desire as an image, as a story, it would continue. I also noticed some emotional reactions that were coming up in relation to certain triggers.

As this was overwhelming to some degree, I had a sense that this was too much - there was a sense of “ impossibility”. I looked at the associations between the imagery and the emotional desire behind that imagery. I looked at the associations as defining one another in relation to the imagery and walked some self forgiveness. 

Afterwards, I checked this and it diminished. This is the power of self forgiveness, to forgive as “ give oneself” to what is existing within and embrace it, to take it apart and correct the ideologies behind the “ inner story/self definition/resonant outflow.” 

I also notice within another scenario in my life, a lot of gloom and doom and worst possible outcome “ devil and angel “  con-versations. In this scenario I have to look at some of the systemic structures to realize common sense within that situation. Thus, I go and I research to understand the sequences and what would be of more balance. This stems the tide of habits I have allowed of polarizing ideas about this reality that generate emotional storms and distract myself from being efficient and working with what is actual and real and practical in this present reality. This calms things. The polarizing emotional storms lessen as a more structural form is realized through walking the steps. 

In the second scenario, I realize I will interact with a group of people who most likely will be emotional. And, within this, I may or may not get a more structural “ model” through within this particular instance. I realize, just as in story, repetition and calm will go further than myself becoming emotional. That, IMHO, is like steering a ship through a storm. 

I realize, within these two examples, and within finding a path of least resistance, it  will be necessary to remain stable and follow through into understanding. In some ways it is a re-scaffolding of insight that lends greater momentum to process greater dimensions of what is being focused upon. This is something each and every one of us has done at some point in one’s life. If we can remember a moment where instead of becoming emotional, we remained calm and held through within lending direction, that moment can show us what is already very natural within us as life. The contrast exists within each of  us of those moments when we ourselves became emotional. With hind-sight most of us realize this and regret our more heavily charged emotional actions. Yet, it is to forgive this and realize what was learned to never react emotionally again and instead be more the model of remaining calm and persisting with telling a “ story “ as scaffolding a greater insight as to what would cause less friction and as such, be a path of least resistance. Humans are happy when they are doing and unhappy when they are not. 

In the most recent weeks I have been looking at the word “ scattered.” I realize moments within what I would call “ being loopy.” I have redefined that within the word “ scattered.”  How could one explain that something can be “ flat” yet be in tune, as music - where that “ flat” quality is a lack of “ tightness”? This is the best way I can explain this at the moment. It is that a lack of real substantive expression has a visible quality of being “ flat.” 

This has opened up looking at what being “ scattered” actually means in space and time. It is mathematical. The greater the degree of becoming emotional the greater the “ spaced out” value judgements I am allowing within myself. This appears in the very words a person speaks and the intensity with which the words are spoken. It is a “ version” that is inherently scattered. This contrasts with less is more. ( I mean “ WHHAAATTT”???- sounds complicated but it is simple in many ways!) 

Words can be expressed with an intensity that is almost harsh, or abrasive, thereby triggering emotions in another if another has defined themselves as value judgements, as polarized belief systems. Remaining steady, as the examples I have experienced, tends to be a state of greater calm. FOCUS, real focus, by nature would be of greater calm, because one’s presence is focused on practical step by step actions. One is too “ busy” with seeing things more directly and as such is more able to make decisions in a common sense way and means. Emotional states are very distracting. Being scattered makes it difficult to take action with efficiency. I mean, what is procrastination but being scattered? One is distracting one’s self from being efficient in one’s actions. This is evident in it taking a long time to get the most simple of actions resolved. 

It is the same within myself. If I allow those resonant scenarios within myself, as ideas, beliefs and opinions to occupy my attention, they become larger, and my actual practical actions take longer. My focus is divided. What charges such inner states is very visible- we have simply practiced suppressing this. We self censor, or self stupefy. 

The irony here, is that investigating and directing myself in this reality, by itself, lends self support. The kind that allows one to build one’s confidence to the extent one can be “ lighter “ within one’s self and thus, enjoy doing the most simple of things!  Thus, one becomes more joyful within realizing the small steps that get things done. This in itself removes that sense of being scattered! 

Being “ scattered” is being in fear, because one does not have a direct and efficient means within one’s self in relation to walking things in a way that they are done with efficiency. One could say that being efficient is being in a state of grace. Why do I say grace? Because we are moving in a state that is a path of least resistance, thereby having the space and time to enjoy the simple that composes the more complex. Is so many ways this is how a creation of states of separation exist and how states of calm and self confidence exist because the outcomes of walking with presence instead of emotional storms tend to get things done and allow a more natural expression as presence of and as being able to face the unexpected with ease. It is a beautiful design and makes sense. The greater society as this earth should be moving in this way. This is because this is how one builds things. There is really no reason for any friction in our lives other than to show where we have lost a certain inner balance and effective focus - and/or the time to resolve any tension and friction because the solution is always in plain sight. What thwarts that conflict is a loss of direct seeing as consideration of all things, to realize what is best for all. That sense in itself would build a self confidence that is happy to be here in this life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, as my beingness, as my innocence to  not see realize and understand that I live in a practical PHYSICAL reality that is always present all around me here and is me here, therefore the means to order, as respect, as build, as express with and as is in plain sight, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand, as my beingness, as my innocence, to realize when and as I allow myself to scatter, as spread out, as separate from being present here, walking the small to realize the more complex, here, as this living breathing, physical reality called life on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I am the most perfect of forms composed of the physical building blocks of life, here to see realize and understand with every step and every breath, the ordinary movement/expression/direction that enables me to not only understand this life, but also make the choice that is in consideration of all things, respecting who and what I am here, to be focused and realizing the path of least resistance to realize the simple that composes the more complex as this life on earth here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I find myself being in that “ quality” of and as feeling scattered, it is an indication that I am  spread out, as spaced out, as lacking in being focused and present here, to respect all things, taking the good and realizing what causes no harm as this is what I would want for myself, especially as a child born onto this earth here, this practical, physical, living breathing reality that is life in expression as it should be.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, as my beingness, as my innocence, that this state of being that has this quality of being scattered, is myself needing more information, or moving into more investigation to see, realize and understand that simple steps that lead to understanding the more complex, to generate a greater ease of movement, that by its nature, generates more ease, as joy, and as such, self confidence, here, to equalize to life which is physical and breathing, and living here, and ever present as life in expression is physical as it should be!

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I move into comparison in self interest alone, I am scattering myself into beliefs, opinions and ideas, instead of realizing the qualities of expression as being a math, that is a gift to understand and compose what lends greater paths of least resistance to open doors/dwors as insight into unfolding what is natural as being present here in this life, as life is physical and practical and ever in expression here, all around me, thus there is no such thing as being alone, as I am you in another life, as life is a fabric that is all one, here in plain sight. 


I commit myself to slowing down and breathing, to cross reference inner accepted and allowed habits, to recognize when and as I am becoming/being “ scattered”  to find that point of least resistance, that will most likely have a quality of grace, as that movement that allows one to move through the eye-of-the-needle into realizing the small, as investigating what is here, to sense the more complex and order in ways and means that move with ease, here in synch with this living breathing physical earth/life-in-expression.



Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Day 826 A Program of Separation

This morning, while picking up something in a store, I ran into a cousin of mine. As we greeted one another I suddenly found myself in a shadow world. It happens so fast, yet is recognizable! This is how sensitive are we Human BEINGS/BEINGNESSES! 
My cousin’s mother is the sibling of my father ( duh ). As my cousin spoke general pleasantries, their arms moved in a certain way. I found myself looking at my father, for a split second, or perhaps even shorter. After all, children who have already built some vocabulary and had some stability at a younger age, can ALREADY process information within a 200 millisecond  advantageous difference to those children absorbing/becoming their environment in a more chaotic environment ! Within the law of compounding effects, that 200 millisecond difference accumulates to being a great separation in terms of dealing with the information around us as adults.

Really slow down and let that sink/synch in.

Breath. Slow WAY down.

As well, I can see where the state one is in in the childhood years can become so automated, one would most likely not be able to pin-point it. This can be visible here, in this situation with my cousin. The outcome may be a general emotional response and then a whole conversation about those that are no longer here, perhaps becoming a momentary chat of reminiscence. This very state of being, so normalized that we cannot remember how we came to behave this way as we entertain ourselves in a shadow world of ideas, beliefs and opinions, defining us, as selling/celling our experiences as storied information.

I must ask myself, if I know the practiced sequences that are telling in the very way that relative moved their arms would I change the narrative? Each and every tension and “ pull” of experiences that are a consequence of beliefs determine that movement. That movement is like a novel. It tells a story. It is not the real living story of this earth. It is a state of practiced separation from creation, as this living physical reality. The tension reflects the degree of lack-of-real-presence in the very way the body moves. It has a quality of lacking a certain grace. The absence of which would not lead to conversations of reminiscing about the past, because the incredible ability of creation as those very arms, would reflect just that, creation. It would be more, I can imagine, like being in total awe of simply being an expression. That would require no reminiscing about the past. 

I could see where, were I have to remained within the personification of values/tensions/belief/opinions, how I would have played a dia-LOGUE of my family constructions of values, beliefs, opinions, where not all is “ bad” yet still, stilling, as a limited form of information that appears a comfort zone because it is known and socially accepted - and YET, ignorant of the physical realty where there is an increase in species extinction if one considered the greater stage of all things. 

I am caught in that SPELL as the personification, for a moment, and with a practice of cross reference within me, suddenly see what I have just used as a FOCUS within myself. I see, that shadow of values that is a “ mirage” like “ film” around my relative, as the information directing physical movement. It does visibly have an ever so slight movement around the form. One can sense it as one can sense a breeze.

I spoke of this out loud, this sudden sense of this body of information directing the movements of my cousin around their body. This triggered a desire to reminisce, evident in the desire to continue a conversation. Thankfully, we were interrupted as another acquaintance appeared on the scene. Yet, that split second moment- one that reminded me of that day when my son came home from school and all I could see was the “ music,” the “ math” of his teacher emanating from within him.  If I know and sense the shadow world, others must too. Some/many, cannot speak of it, most likely because it has become suppressed. lol, we spend a HUGE amount of our lives suppressing ourselves! Most likely, because we fear speaking up about what we see and soon it is buried in memory and we cannot remember - because we have practiced, as mastered, pushing things away. I mean, we are amazing machines, we become what we practice.  It is not supernatural, it is awesome! It is normal. It is the mis-use of this that builds the abnormal. It is not normal to suppress a natural ability to SEE what has been accepted and allowed and practiced in self and another. After all, what is self mastery, of anything? How does one master an instrument - THE SAME WAY! One practices the small, and then can expeditiously process the practiced information, to the extent one “ reads” this in a split second to then play that beautiful song with ease. What happens in a home where a child absorbs this very thing in parents? We become what is within our environments, as that is called opportunity. 

I was interacting with a potential client the other day, when I had to stop. They were no longer hearing anything I was saying. They were very very busy attempting to deconstruct and reconstruct within them-self’s/ lol - themselves ( their multiple personalities!). I could see they were not focused here. In a way, that “ veil’ is in the way and it is as though one can only reach the person through this veil of automated belief and a mis-use of self as life, suppressing self as life! We spend an incredible ability suppressing ourselves as life. This in itself means we have great capacity! And, it reveals what a “ right “ practice could do for anyone. Our words can indeed change our DNA. 

This was so visible. I was too astounded at seeing the same “ film” around them, which I believe is described in the Christian story of and as the “ Techno-Colored” dream coat! I stopped to slow down and breath. I could go no further, because it would not be heard. Here, it is to speak up of this, use stories, go back and walk everything that has been stated, to place a more stable scaffold - because this allows one to more effectively process what is being framed and lend a stability to hold this overall, to the extent it is remembered enough to cross-reference in moments to come. And, within this, to realize the extent of my own ignorance, as I can only speak from my own experience - an experience that is the same in all men, around me, yet of differing measure and color, and values. When it is said that humans are walking in a dream, we indeed are. This mastery of lack, evident in species extinction and pollution, indicates the degree to which we are no-longer in synch with creation as life, as the physical expression HERE. 

One aspect of this, is realizing emotional reactions. The degree and intensity of emotional response, most probably has a direct correlation to the distance from that innocence of the child that is more the real self as life!  - that state BEFORE a “ dream coat” as the shadow of values that include active self suppression automates. 

The very degree of intensification signifies the degree of difference from the self-as-life-expression. It is similar, and exposed in the Movie the Blade Runner.  The very “ humanoid” robots are discovered through being asked questions about their past. When the questions move beyond the program of their story, the information of their programmed story, the machine begins to become more and more agitated because it is attempting to find the information in its filing system to answer the questions. The robot begins to move into attack mode. In the “ reality” or “ frame “ of this movie, that increasing agitation is the sign of that human-looking object to in fact be a robot. Yet, in our society today, we have the same thing. Only it is in humans. It is that human that lacks the kind of inner structure, to NOT ONLY self realize, BUT ALSO, or simultaneously, READ what is moving and expressing in the fabric of the reality that is the means to express the lack or an awareness of what is here! 

I mean, can I read every single little movement that built the way the arms of my relative moved that I recognized as being the same music/math/expression/superimposed-fantastic-personality? Can I take apart that composition and see the essence of and as the real living “ life” as a starting point behind that wall of information that is a shadow indicating accepted practices and values? This, it self, a  HUGE DISTRACTION that when collectively allowed as humanity, leading to a mis-use of freely given resources causing massive species extinction AND dis-ease in mankind because ultimately, ease IS being in synch WITH earth as creation? 

I want to imagine that each human realizes this, and we begin to deconstruct this and SEE this in ourselves and others. We begin to FORGIVE this, with every breath, helping one another as we recognize our shadow world, and step outside of our bubbles- get out of an over-use of the imagination and LIVE. We most likely would be astounded and at the same time HAVE GREAT FUN in calling our “ measures” out by name, and realizing our unique potentials as life, and begin to manifest that expression to the extent when we are meeting someone, we see a expression that OPENS the incredible awesomeness of creation as life that is physical. It would mean the removal of anxiety. It would mean the removal of tension. It would mean we would live in GREAT JOY, seeing, respecting the very smallest of movement, like when we enjoy the most subtle of breezes! 

We can do this. The children who are coming, are us in another life. What would you have wanted for yourself, to become a frustrated anxious shadow self or never-have-lost that innocence where this life was so amazing it was something to be incredibly joyful about? Do you remember that? It is there under the storm. It cannot be destroyed because is it life in expression. It can remain very very tiny, as perhaps only ONE WORD. The resonant storm appears HUGE, and yet it is only a shadowy movement. What is real is the PHYSICAL. Have a look, what is constantly “ owned” behind paper-castle walls but freely given and natural resources? What is “ owned” and moved with constant ease while the media says they cannot get aid to those same “ remote” areas that have a constant flow of resource extraction? It is all a lie. The system, reflects what each and every human being has allowed. 

Should someone mince their words about this? No. To do so is to be afraid of seeing what has been allowed. It also, has the quality of being curious about how something has been allowed. I realize this, because I was so interested in the differences between cultures. I wanted to participate and be involved in the various cultures. That is being curious for the shadow world- and it is/comes at the expense of this earth, this reality. It is as enticing as any creation would be, even if it was the opposite of creation as that mathematical personification of ideas, beliefs and opinions. One must realize this state-of-separation in the self. 

This means, rebuilding each word. This means practicing this every day, a little bit. This means recognizing emotional reactions and triggers, that are unstable because memories are unstable- they have no real constancy because they are spinning within themselves attempting to remain despite their instability because they have no real standing. It means forgiving as deconstructing this “ personlity” that we absorb as children to survive because all the adults before us are caught in this seemingly invisible web that becomes invisible through a practice of suppression that is self-practice automating and is visible! 

I would say, recognizing this is similar to swimming in a body of water that has differing temperatures. Meaning, in one moment the water is slightly colder, and the next, as one swims, slightly warmer. The physical machine is an incredible sensor! The degree to which we have practiced self suppression is most likely to the degree of suppression we have practiced and most probably visible in the slightest of movements of one’s arm- for example. 

Watch the media, and realize the extent of the hype! Realize the extent to which things are repeated again and again and again, with hyper-polarization for values, creating friction between two parties! That is what is informing that movement of that arm, easily triggering more of the same. Some we recognize and then participate within, feeling a false good that is really just more self validation of self definitions for survival as this of which I speak in a system that is of this same thing, so visible in the slow destruction of earth’s resources being abused and “ owned.”

This “ energetic” storm is “ like” a wind. It is visible, it is sensed and used, yet the crime of it is suppressed as practiced, therefor it will take a consistent and concerted effort to deconstruct this false “ god” and come back down to earth, to birth self as life here. 

It must be realized, there is nothing fantastic about this, it is not something to fear. It is practical and visible. Who and what we are as life, in our physical states are the most exquisite of sensory machines. Any longing we have within is to realize the life within us is occupied by this shadow.As has been said for eons, one must come to realize the shadow itself. What is simple is how we work, what is complicated is a mis-use of how we work! Thus, any time one says something is complicated, it means they do not YET understand this.

I can use this to realize when I must slow down and investigate. If things are beginning to appear “ complicated” I am too much in my own shadow world, and or, must investigate reality. 

Thus, I can use my own accepted and allowed state-of-separation, to realize my own accepted and allowed romanticized stories and come back down to earth. This becomes my practice, and I discover myself here, and how this works, finding myself no longer reacting as limited information. I am able to be present here, and build presence, and uncover what is of awesomeness and creation in real expression here. 

It is all a math. And that is really cool. A mis-use of resources, as causing harm in any way, shape or form, is an abuse of life. Life as creation is physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, as my innocence, for separating myself from who and what I really am as life, that same essence of and as me, as a word, that has accepted and allowed a limited value system to define who and what I am, as I accepted this in fear, to survive, as this was what existed for eons, and is what is mis-using the physical resources that composed this life in expression here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself , as my beingness, as my innocence, to see realize and understand that the one thing that is demonized is the physical while, all the while, it is the one thing moved to be owned, by words on a piece of paper revealing what is life in itself as that actions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand, as my beingness as my innocence, to realize the extent to which I de - man myself through believing nature and the physical is somehow “ bad.”

I forgive myself, as my beingness, as my innocence, for not seeing realizing and understanding how much being in a state of doom and gloom s a distraction from myself, and a belief that the physical is somehow a bad, when the physical is life in expression here.

I forgive myself as my beingness, as my innocence for not seeing, realizing and understanding how so many narratives assume the human as being bad, which they are as a state of separation from investigating what causes no harm, abusing freely given resources that are the very means of expression as life, which is physical here, and how the present economic system, that is configured to extract resources in ways that cause harm and disregard for nature, have a starting point that the human is evil, when the human is accepted and allowed programming of self interest, believing a shadow self, moving in slippery-fish ways and means a memory, is more than reality, when it is the opposite.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, as my innocence for not seeing, realizing and understanding, my ability to sense this, as the exquisite ability of life, as the physical to sense all things, and as the innate ability of and as this, to sense my own accepted and allowed survival suit of limited values, that are of hyper polarized value judgements- practiced again and again, reminding me, in every moment, of a mastery of lack, as limited values used to define me, to the extent I isolate myself from life here, as who and what I really am.

I forgive myself, as my beingness, as my innocence, for not allowing and accepting myself to self realize myself as life, within and as realizing the direct relationship of the degree of my state of separation in regards to the extent to which I speak, as express, as energy, inherent in my words, as blame and spite, righteousness and condemnation, that which I have practiced, making myself visible in regards to the degree to which I justify my separation from life, as the experience of blame, hiding the shame as the sham of me, as personality, as energy, from living all that respects all things, as movement that causes no harm, here. 

I commit myself, as my beingness as my innocence to slowing down and breathing to seeing realizing and understanding the extent to which I as life, have created a huge but tiny, projection of beliefs, opinions and ideas, of charged and polarized values, to define me, evident in every word I speak, and as a consequence in every movement I make, within this physical body, revealing myself to myself, where the extent to which I project criticism and blame, spite and righteousness, is the degree to which I have separated myself from being present here, equal and one to life that is the physical as creation here.

I commit myself to slowing down and realizing the shadow world of belief, is like a suit, swirling around as what has been allowed to inform myself as life, as the physical is an abuse of life, consuming the natural resources as the composition of earth as the physical here, where myself as life, expresses with the physical as my mind, beingness and physical self, here, all composed of the expression of life, that in reality moves in ways I would call of absolute purpose, realizing no harm and creating balance and expression as that which supports all life.


I commit myself, as my beingness, as my innocence, to see realize and understand that this shadow self cannot define who and what I am unless through acceptance, and that this in itself has been going on for eons compounding as practice, up to this point as earth, thus, it is to realize this and turn the tide to synch equal and one with and as creation as who and what I am here.


Friday, June 28, 2019

Day 825 The behavior of a millennial

I am reading a book about millienials.

One of the first descriptions was an example of behavior.

It was said that when a millennial meets another person who has not yet seen a movie the millennial has seen, the millennial gets anxious. A millennial will get angry when someone has not seen a movie that they, the millennial has seen. 

This indicates that they cannot place the essence of the message of the movie into some common universal terms. They cannot take the movements expressed in the movie apart and apply that movement into some universal common sense about life no matter the scenario. Their ability to share experience is dependent on movie stories. This is like living in a dream, in an inner picture show, with no capacity to translate it into this reality. That they become impatient and anxious based on reacting to someone lacking their “ text book” movie,  means the movie has become their religion, something they rely on, something that binds them, something that directs them.

Religion means to “ tie up,” to bind. They are bound to a movie, a constructed picture, one that has time frames that are not equal in practical common sense to living in a physical reality. It is ( and not “ like”)  living in an alternate reality. It is living in a fantastic picture show instead of living here, in reality. 

It indicates a complete loss of critical and creative thinking. The anxious reaction is a loss of what is defining them. What is defining them is a memory of a very narrow focus and practice. There is no ability to apply timed sequences of another mode, to the living mode as the actual physical reality that is where that body, that human being, is becoming a behavior of anxiousness. That body as a physical body on a physical planet. The inner movement and expression is moving at one mode of timing as information and experience and ONLY knows that. 

Translating that into another mode, as the living reality, is absent. Meaning, it  has not been practiced; there is an absence of practical application in reality. This indicates that many of the millennials, have grown up in a reality that is of instant gratification, that moves in sequences of information, most probably centered around media. That media, is a me-DIA, my god, my religion, what I have practiced! It has no timing and sequence relative to the living physical reality. It indicates that though their within is “ of a sequence” causing separation as that behavior of becoming anxious when one’s text book is out of synch with the practical reality. Their within measure is not equal to reality. That inner spin becomes anxiety. Meanwhile their bodies that exist within as anxiety, remain. They are still here. That physical reality was here before this anxious spin of limited measure. And yet, their bodies remain.

I mean, within the law of compounding effects where one’s actions create the equal and opposite results, what happens if one has a religion of media, indicating an absence of practical living, causing an inner emotional turmoil of anxiety, separating one from being grounded and practical as being able to relate information to reality as critical and creative thinking?  Would not such a state of stagnant movement, that is a state of separation from reality, simply increase anxiety? 

What happens when that anxiety compounds over time? As the equal and opposite effect? 

If one takes a liter of water and holds it with an extended arm for ten minutes, it does not cause pain. What if one held it for 10 hours, or for ten years? 

It would become very very painful! Would that be a state of being tied to something, like the word religion suggests? 

What happens to a body that holds anxiety over ten years, or even twenty years? 

Can we blame anyone for what we have allowed?

Can someone else deconstruct what is allowed within, and accumulates through the law of compounding effects within one physical body? 

No.
Is is only the self, as one, as one’s body that can deconstruct such allowances and stand equal and one to that, to then rebuild. And, one must relate to the practical physical reality to then become as that innocence of a child, that ability to learn and process things efficiently and with ease. That child does not yet have that degree of reaction as anxiety. They have not yet practiced it, even though they may have some generational programming being triggered by daily events. 


If we begin to understand how all of this works, which is very practical, we can realize that we cannot trust our memories or what is within us. The only choice  is to begin to relate to what is real and constant. What is constant is the physical. Even with our media, that uses the physical reality to project its limited stories that end up stagnating an inner natural ability to process information are not what is living and real, that is us, and that is all around us as the physical. There is only one reality of information and that is the physical. 

In research in reading skills, an effective vocabulary builds success. One's words are more equal to practical reality. One's ability to then process information can change time frames, dimensions, space and timing, to then be able to relate information to changing scenarios. One would then also be more able to read what is moving within one's body and at the same time, process what is around one as this living reality. It is like playing an instrument, where one plays the timing and sequence of Mozart, and then changes in a moment, to the timing and sequence of say, Brahms. Though questioning one's self about this may initially appear difficult, in the end it is AWESOME, because it means we are life, we are meant to be fluid, and that we can understand complex systems. In this world, to reframe ourselves, to equalize our within to the without, we can use words to rebuild, to deconstruct, to ground ourselves in this living reality. Anxiousness is a gift to show us where we are out of synch with life! 


Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Day 824 Hiding in the Fantastic

Within the practice of slowing down and checking what is happening within me, just as I would do when playing the violin, I begin to accelerate in my ability to call what I am within myself in moments here, as who and what I am as a physical state of being in a system that is a web of ideas, beliefs and opinions in separation from consideration of all things, as this living breathing, physical reality that is creation manifest. There is a reason why it was said to bring heaven down to earth. It was not said to bring self to heaven - unless, as happens within written constructions - this is somehow turned around and spun/spelled into the opposite, then repeated again and again, until the entity begins to repeat what is within, thinking it to be real- being hypnotized by a resonant inner construct ( that may settle in one’s knees, stiffening them!) . So it is within what we allow and accept, when lacking in being present and cognizant of this reality as being no more or no less that who and what we are here. We are physical. 

I realize that I grew up in an extremely emotional home, well, as we all did most likely. In practicing catching myself within what I am standing within, I begin to see how hypnotic and automated my actions are, to a greater degree - subtle yet astounding! There are many moments of,” of shit! “ why did I not see this, as another layer unfolds to be addressed, assessed, redefined, reconfigured and resolved, only to show up again in another degree of subtlety. 

I must use the practical. It is similar to writing out a list of things to do, to get done, to structure a more disciplined action and to keep me focused on the tasks at hand. Within such structuring, other behaviors, such as procrastination, become more obvious.  Also, taking time every day to practice words, is necessary. On many dimensions, taking the time to practice words is a practice that is self stepping outside of self, to take a moment to look at the small things that enable one to see the parts of the more complex. This in turn improves one ability to process. 

In time, this moves in a more accelerated way. It is the same movement when one takes on any discipline and practices the small, to be able to expedite processing of the small, to realize the more complex. 

This is moving up through the symbol that represents this as the triangle, or the “ A “ that begins the Alpha- bet. We begin within the general, or building in the small parts and moving up through the point into mastery, as grace and equality with the given thing mastered. 

The magic is in the doing of the thing. AND, when we do this, it becomes easier to realize other things, because one knows the sequences and recognizes patterns, as the order of operations towards real building of understanding. Therefore, one could say, in confidence, that if one is stuck in automated mis-practice, one must return to the basics and rebuild - YET, it most likely will not take as long, even though to have learned something correctly in the first place would not take as long. 

And, if we look around, at the state of this reality, with the degree of animal extinction, or the increasing pollution, it becomes more and more obvious that such outcomes were lacking in consideration of all things, and treating this living breathing earth as a resource from a starting point within an already beLIEved state of separation - where the composition of that resonant ghost became a “ more.”   This is abuse;  our outcomes reveal that this is the opposite of reality. This resource called earth we cannot live without- it is us within who and what we are. It is not something to label as inadequate, believing one’s hypnotic projection that is initiated because of fear, as one has lost one’s self as life. That is ego, that is believing that what has resonantly accumulated within as belief, opinions and ideas, is just that; it is a practice lacking in real mastery of self. One ONLY sees the institution as state-of-being as the conditioned  pyramid scheme - a warped or ever-so-slightly polarized interpretation of the very means of self mastery and a general symbol that represents an order of operations as to how we move into expanding our awareness to become masters of life and living heaven on earth. 

Such small changes, as mis-takes accumulate to become that elephant in the room, resonant within, yet unequal and “ floating like a shadow-web just above that which is real, as this physical earth. This resonates through all things, leading to extinction and back into no-thingness. We see this happening around us. It will accelerate in its compounding. I sometimes think this earth is shrinking- which is the real cause of the weather changes and why there is no real consensus. We have not yet realized what we are doing. 

We are meant to be creators, and it is all practical and in plain sight. Of course, this will cause one’s experience to scream, because we can ONLY speak of what we have practiced. What we have repeated again and again and again, layers within us, and we become masters of our practices, our acceptances and allowances! It is a beautiful design, because it shows us where we are at. That is life expressing itself, showing us the way! Very very cool!

I can more understand at this point, why Christ had said, “ forgive them for they know not what they do.”  In itself, one cannot stand and say ONLY this in the face of that limited belief system that is of protection and defense because we are unhappy when we are out of synch with living and expressing ourselves as creators. Yes, one must FOR GIVE what directs towards self realization as life! Yet, within that state of separation, one’s processing speeds are ironically moving so fast as that resonant story that in itself is of so little real substance it is simultaneously moving in slow motion! Appears contradictory. We are too used to thin-king in a limited dimensional picture show that a quantum measure appears too complex. But, in reality, we all have moments where we get a glimpse through the cracks and what is more natural slips through. Within myself that shear frustration an anger, from existing within and as fear, as reaction, spills its SPELLS out within me. I have to breath, slow down and re-member myself here, as life, which is physical. When I notice a compounded belief, as a resistance, creating a relationship of separation within me, I have to stop, realize the storm of beliefs, opinions and ideas, and - lol- do that very thing I fear doing, that very thing I hesitate doing! I have to also had practiced that one-step-at-a-time movement. 

I have to forgive myself for not living that “ forgive them for they know not what they do,” AND simultaneously process what is here, and what I have allowed and what would be a movement, as an expression within me, as the equal consideration of all things to choose what is best for all! This means not ONLY being that sympathy BUT ALSO the focus of resolution. What is eternal cannot be lost. Ironically this is usually more simple than juggling this HUGE hypnotic/practiced/conditioned shadow of polarized as ever-so-slightly-warped-but-compounded state of separation!  I can realize where within all these movements how much I have practiced constriction in my chest. How much I have held my breath, in suppression of myself! How much I go into a state of petrification! It is astounding! 


We are abusing absolute potential. And, within that, we are not considering others. We must realize we can do not harm. NONE. 



Friday, June 14, 2019

Day 823 Process of Elimination

I realize how dimensionally deep in my physical body is what I have accepted and allowed to define who and what I am to yet another degree! 

It is with hindsight. It is sudden little things that reveal this to me.

One is moving from one living space to another. There exists a deep desire to have a space of one’s own, as four walls, as a little cave like spot where one can sit in silence and as a supposed NEED to remain calm for a moment, thereby creating- because we are creators- a bubble where one has the space to “ hide” from the world.  I mean why?  This is an admission of separation. But from what?

Another is asking myself why I am seeking instead of creating? Creation, from my perspective means understanding what is here and working with it to build something. Why? Because it is actually fun to build something. It lets one know where one is at in some ways. This in its nature requires changing focus.

I remember reading a political periodical every week from front to back for three years. I then noticed that when meeting others, that I was beginning to become pretty intense in my responses in regards to my feed back in relation to things being said in conversations about what was happening on the political stage. For me the political stage is discussion about how things are being used and created. For example, use of earth’s resources and management of said resources. I looked at my behavior. This more and more angry response was somehow not a solution. Though I did not know where to go, that increasingly frustrated way of responding was not the place to go.

The first time I used this process-of elimination in relation to my behavior, was in high school. I went to high school in NYC. I was involved in the modeling world. There were A LOT of drugs. One spring, I had used valium on the weekends. One late Spring night a valium was again handed to me. I remember that moment of seeing that valium in the palm of that hand and internally saying to myself, “ Is this where I want to go?” The answer was no. This was not what I wanted to be. I got up off the car on that warm spring evening, on the street, in NYC, and walked away and never looked back. I did not know where to go, I just knew that was not the place I wanted to go. I could say, that was not the answer as the place to go. This being a state of being. 

Thus, why, in this changing living space movement that I am now within am I reminded of the need to have that private stable “ cave” “ space”? 

I made decisions in a moment, in both those scenarios above in living time, where I was not in my own personal “safe”-by-belief-cave-like-”private”-space? ! 

As I sat down in one of the two spaces that constituted the change, this “ feeling” that was like a longing for that sense of “ my” space came up. It has the color of wanting to be grounded, that is associated to that IDEA! And yet, my own life tells me I need not be in such a space to make a decision and the necessary ACTIONS/ movements to move myself! Why have that thought-of/ resonant-sense-of that “ need”? What is the point? 

Just as I had polarized my beliefs from reading a periodical for three years, front to back every week, I had programmed myself with this idea that I needed this “ safe,” stable,” space that “ felt” constant in order to sit and what? Clear myself? This is in opposition to other experiences in my life where I made decisions in a moment and changed! This would mean that the idea of a “ safe” space is really an illusion and something that I built as an idea, within me, that has become a resonant “ back-chat” coming from my physical body! It is not real, it may have a singular truth in this present system, but it is not real AND it flies in the face of what has been actual in my life! 

I think we all do this. This is not some “ special” thing or some “ mind-blowing” revelation. It is, simply, how we work revealing itself to us! That is really cool. It shows how much of a creator we really are, and how we do learn. What if we could realize this at a much younger age? 

I will speak more on this. For me, it has something to do with processing information. AND, how we are not taught this, we discover what we most likely already KNEW as children. I mean, if I can realize in time, that reading a periodical front to back was causing me to become righteous in certain scenarios, simultaneously realizing that that polarized emotional fire-ball was not the answer, then on some very very basic level, I KNOW that something is somehow - as that process of elimination - not quite the place to go! 

I mean, look at what is called “ logistical fallacies.” They describe how conversations can polarize through distraction. There are all manner of ways to change up space and time, to DISTRACT one from what is that same sense of knowing on some level -that taking a certain direction is simply not the place to go. Everything is here for us. We need only listen to that voice that understands something is becoming very polarized and that that behavior is not-the-place-to-go!

Just as I created that deep and subtle resonant form of pictures, words, values that comes up in a moment within me, I must reform it. No one can do this for me but myself. I am a creator, as are we all. I cannot really become that creator without each and every one that is here on this earth as well. Why? Because you define me, I define you, we define who and what we are as a whole as this physical creation. 

One can create , as pulling on the stuff of the substance of matter, imagery that appears to be so real. Yet, it has no staying power, and/or one cannot remember how one created that. One can have something suddenly appear in front of one, and believe it to be so real. Yet it does not stay. It reminds me of GMO seeds. They have to be, in my understanding, regenerated in a lab every year. My understanding is, that they cannot regenerate in the plant itself as that seed ( a time-line of events rolled up into a ball) will in “ earth” time slowing change/bounce-back into what is more harmonious/balanced. This sense of “ needing” a “ safe” space to “ think” or be alone is an illusion.   That slowing down and making decisions can be made in the storm, on the street, during a conversation, in any one moment. It can begin with that PROCESS of elimination as “ this is not where I want to go,” “ this is not what I want to be as somehow this is not real creation.” 

To begin to realize and see this overall, one must develop processing-of-information skills- as looking at moments overall and what is the qualities defining as focusing that moment into an experience. Language ( calling things by name as measure) can structure the mind, to the extent one can more-readily ( lol READ) catch that part of self that can sense when one is becoming more polarized and moving into those heavy conflicting situations of becoming more righteous, or seeking some kind of escape, or just going along to get along despite warning signs. 

And why? Because, somehow, that is simply not the place to go. I think we all know this because we are essentially like that seed. Life will, this means who and what is the self within, will move towards what that seed moves towards, to what is self generating and harmonious.  To move out of harmony is to move towards destruction. One must stand more in what is constant and does not have that sense of “ this is not a place to go” and realize that stability is always within the self because the real nature of self is that part of self that can process what is happening around one, no matter where one is. One question I have asked myself is “ What am I generating?” or “ Why can’t I generate this myself ( in relation to events in my life) ?” 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself , as my beingness, as my innocence, not seeing, realizing and understooding how and what I generate in every moment of myself as expression in this life as the effect of my actions, or acceptances of actions at that point where I realize “ this is not where I want to go”, here.

I forgive myself , as my beingness, as my innocence, not seeing realizing and understanding that in effect, within the contrast of moments in my life, how in the end I am the one generating what determines my experience as belief, opinion and idea as who and what I am, and within this, how I can become hypnotized by an idea, belief, or opinion, as a set body of information made resonant from practice as repetition within and as me, to become an accepted expression of and as measure in space as a timed event, that determines the moments of myself as life here, and for this I cannot blame anyone but myself, because I am who and what I am here because of my own volition.

I forgive myself, as my beingness, as my innocence, for not “ doing the math,” as my state of being, within and the relating of that, as the focus of myself, to this living reality that is here in this moment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, through contrast, as critical and creative assessing of space time, as READING OF what is here as all things,  as this living reality called earth here, to realize the measure as the state of being, as a stance of focus, as the acceptances and allowances within being self generated as myself, that define who and what I am here, and become a measure determining my actions, here, that either consider all things, in ways that do no harm, and that without OF this use of real presence become  self interest, become singular as a relationship of survival as an idea, that is a state of separation from this living realty that is creation in expression as this earth, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that within and as my experiences, I reveal myself to myself, unless I am ONLY acting in self interest, fearing to question my actions, even in moments of realization that “ this is not where I want to go.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the pull into “ getting along and going along” as a idea of and as a morality as this is a morality of “ not upsetting” that which overall is something that “ upsets” one’s sense of self as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, as my beingness, as my innocence,  that in any moment, I as life, as expression of and as life, am more than able to make a decision thus realizing that I need not ONLY be in some quiet private space.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in any moment, as this gift of life here, I am able to make a decision and change who and what I am allowing myself to be as an expression of who and what I am here.

I commit myself, as my beingness, as my innocence, to see realize and understand that this essence of myself as life, as presence, as focus, am able to process the math, the information, the forms, the movements of what is here, to realize “ following along without question”, and in a moment, seeing realizing and understanding how I can become hypnotized within and as beliefs without realizing the consequences of those choices until a singular more intense event happens and within that, through contrast, realize the polarized value judgement as a choice made  and making a choice to realize through a process of elimination, what directions are what is best for myself as who and what I am here to the extent I realize I am a creator of my experience in this life that is creation in expression as the physical, here. 

I commit myself to simultaneously, see, realize and understand that this mirage of belief, as a resonant construction, made through repetition, where repetition does not equate to truth, to not see realize and understand how I build who and what I am, where the contrast of a moment of awareness of consequences for actions taken, reveals how what I accept and allow as a practice, will determine my actions, in this living, breathing, expressing physical creation that is life here, as life would be a state of considering all things, here which also, realizes that there is no other place to “ go” as is impulsed as belief which in itself as a distraction from life here. 


I commit myself to seeing realizing and sensing in and as every moment as every breath, to ground myself here, to realize the weights as pressures within and as my physical, is the “ reverberation” of accepted and allowed and acted upon, beliefs, opinions and ideas, that accumulate and move through my human physical body, as a gift of life, revealing myself as what I have chosen to accept and focus upon, as the back chat within and as me, like a current moving through me, that is of my own creation that is also a gift to show imbalances that are lacking in consideration of all things as this living, breathing, physical expression of life here.