Thursday, December 31, 2015

Day 673 What am I doing here, as in how am I moving here, within myself.

One of the many reasons I walk the Desteni I Process is because I noticed some things as I matured in life.

There are two things that stand out.

One was within practicing the violin.  And I remember a teacher telling me that how I practiced was very important, so this is understood by others who have done the same.  I noticed that if I practiced with something on my mind, the next day that would come up. Within myself I realized that I had to focus on what I was doing without the presence of some other thing going on in my life at the moment, or, another way to say this, is that I could not practice with worry about something in the background going on, as thoughts in my head. I could not actually think about something else, like trying to get two things done at once, one of them being, in this case, practicing and trying to sort out something else in my life. This simply means that when I practiced, I had to focus on that and only that.

When I got older, I started to realize that when I practiced this way, only focusing on the practice I was doing, I learned the piece much faster, and I could even be aware of how long it would take to learn a piece, and depend on that. Thus, when I practiced and really focused on what I was doing,, I could depend on how well I would know the piece, and count on that for a performance. I even started to take risks within performing, because I could understand that I knew the piece well enough that no matter what happened - as with other things that can happen when one performs- I could deal with it because I knew the piece well enough within myself.
The second thing that happened, that when I found destini I process I understood, was the aftermath of the death of my husband. For a long time after he died, I would think about him, often wishing he were still around because I had become comfortable with his presence. One day I realized that I had to stop thinking about him, because he was no longer here, and that was that! I found it very difficult to stop thinking about him. I had to really bring up my will and stop each time I started to think about him. I even eventually transferred thinking about him onto another person I had liked earlier in my life. At the time, I did not realize it immediately, within transferring my thinking about my husband onto another, I then found myself thinking about that other person. One day, I realized this and then had to stop that thinking.  I remember it feeling like I had to really ‘ fight’ with the thinking. By this I mean, use every bit of myself to stop that way of being within myself. Then I started to realize how much I could spin around in something, and that it often did not resolve. What I remember, is that it was like pulling in sides and finding what remained stable. Little did I realize that this is, overall, myself getting tired of the spin of the mind, and also, the realization that I can create these huge storms within myself and become so occupied with them, that I spend a lot of time within them. And, that such things need not determine who and what I am. Also, that I actually create who and what I am within myself1 What I think about, remains with me, from one moment to the next, and it can become this entity within that hangs around, something that I must use my will to correct and something that will run seemingly on its own, unless I change it. And, that it really is a separation from being present and here.

Thus, I create the chaos that is me, I create the information that is me. I am the source of what it is that I am. I am the source of what my capacity to focus and be present here, is.  I have the capacity to focus here, in every moment. Who and what I am is determined by me. The destini I process has helped me to realize this, it has helped me to realize what I am as the thoughts that I have, it has helped me to realize why I have the thoughts that I have and where these thoughts/measures/data come from, meaning how I formed them. The destini I process has helped me to realize what I am doing within myself, just as I had began to understand within practicing musical pieces to perform. The destini I process has helped me to realize that I can focus here, and sort out all the back chat from having focused on measures about this world that I carried, and carry around with me, and that occupy my focus in within what I am doing in every moment. The destini I process has shown me how I work within, and in doing so has helped me to realize who and what I am to a greater degree than I thought possible. The destini I process has helped me to focus myself here, and within this, to begin to trust myself more, just as I had begun to learn and understand with years of practicing the violin. 

Our minds, which we could call our memories, take in pictures about reality. If we believe that picture to more real than what is here, as like that violin and that piece of music, then we ‘ taint’  what we are doing with that memory/thought/data/measure and that then slows down the ability to process here and retain what is a clear measure within what we are doing here which then leads to uncertainty and more consequences of beliefs and ideas and opinions about ourselves that are not the solution into learning to focus here, in what one is doing, enough that the product of the focus is clear enough, because it is not tainted with other thinking, that when one moves to do something, there is more trust and more steady capacity.

Also this is to realize that everything we think, if it is not focused on the practice of being present within what one is doing in physical practical terms, then one is not focused here. This means that when moving to do something, the only choice is to investigate until there are no fuzzy areas of understanding. This means that when moving to do something, the moment there is a fuzzy area, where one does not really know, it means to stop and to investigate until one has a certain and clear understanding of something, and that understanding must be in awareness of the physical world. Otherwise what happens are consequences to the living things around us, as all of us, as everything that is physical because if we are not focused here, on the physical and take actions that are not considerate of all things, we cause harm. It is really a crime to not consider all things, to not take the time to consider what it means to be physical on a physical planet. And, that when we are present, and we investigate and form ‘ proper’ understandings of what we are doing, we become more self trustworthy, and the consequence is more self certainty. This is so much more than being lost in a mind consciousness that is a measure of uncertainty as polarized values of right and wrong, fear of loss and a desire for gain that motivates in a limited bubble of belief meeting obstacles because one is not present and considering all things.  It is so much more than the self interest that is the composition of entities of thought that have no focus on what it is that one truly is, and what one truly is capable of.  We can only know ourselves here, being present here, in this reality. We can only begin to understand what we are if we realize how a mind consciousness that is composed of limited values, that can then direct one in separation from being present is, and how it is formed and how it works. 

We can begin to understand how absorbent we are as we stop and take a look at our present media and all the information that is constantly streamed around us. It is so lit up with music and colored lights and limited stories that we become that information, so great is our capacity to take in information and so dependent we are, or have allowed, a mind consciousness reflecting this information to be believed to be all that we are.  Yet we have allowed this in-doctoring, each of us. And, it is only each of us that can change this. We become what we accept and allow.  We, each one, is responsible for what is the composition of what one is within. No other one can control what one is within one’s self. And yet, what one desires is to be self responsible in ways that allow self to interact and play directly in clear and secure ways, with the reality as the physical world that is around us. This is what we truly desire to be. This is being equal and one with life. I would suggest to begin to sort out what is up there in this self accepted and allowed mind consciousness, and begin the process of grounding yourself back into the physical world. This is where, being equal and one to the physical, that  one can live within the potential that is right there as who and what each one is.
Gift yourself the greatest gift, the gift of being grounded, self responsible, certain, present , aware -within and without- as this is what is real living. The destini I process lite is free. Come down out of the spin of a mind consciousness and gift yourself the presence of yourself as life.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Day 672 Why am I here?

I am dealing with the system at the moment. Sometimes I feel as though I am on a slippery slope as I talk with other people. I have to remind myself why I am here. I have to remind myself what the manifested and/or manufactured behaviors are of a cracked and crumbling belief system filled  with polarities that are like a Humpty Dumpty self, a scattered self.  A self so caught up in chaos that what happens is a protection and defense of limitation voicing spite and blame’s, rejection and resistance , like a spin around in a value that is no longer aware that this is in fact what is happening. 
In such a situation, there is no time for reaction, there is not time to become angry, or sad, or to point out the fault only, and by this I mean the resistance ( this word having the word ‘rest’ within it- meaning where one rests in a belief that is an emotional polarity, a value judgement) made larger than life, a kind of stagnant state of being.  This only inflates that value judgement and I get caught in having to sort that value judgement out.  It is like pulling on stings with no reaction,  and with only solution. I cannot look at time in some respects because the very rhythm in the moment can make such appear to be an endless measure of the same. This in itself is an illusion, because the practice of being solution in every moment can accumulate and build a presence that begins to move as this, gaining momentum and moving with greater ease as this is applied.  A memory would not be able to see this, as a memory is only a measure in a moment. one would have to use a sense of registering many memories to realize a change. And, memories are another form of information/measure/data.
It is such a calming thing to realize this. Yet within me, there remains a sense of fear, the voices of ‘ what if “ lingering within and as me from a past of not having realized this. And yet, it is also like playing in tune, meaning that which is the sound that is the harmony that lends directions is there and can be the constant, because it is clear.
Within this I ask myself ‘ Why am I here?’  I am here to be present within how this all works, I am here to be present with creation, which is physical. I am here to be present and equal to what sustains, to what allows constancy , to what supports all things realizing the value is being here, where the sound of all the sounds around me allow each part to remain in balance, which is similar to remaining in tune- and this is ways that reflect what is around me to ensure what does no harm and what gives direction within the ever present solution to and towards this quality of making the choice to do no harm- which is the same as saying to realize the value of all things as the physical is life information. It is here,  right here in front of me, and it is the means of remaining constant within every moment I take being grounded and considering a move that harms nothing. It is what I am as an expression of life, it is the means of my being.
I use the metaphor of Humpty Dumpty these days as a crutch in a moment, because it allows me to realize that I may in a way, bring back the scattered measure of parts and placing them in the practical. Any moment of reaction to such only substantiates that separation, that scattered self. As I have had others remind myself of my own polarized value judgements, grounding myself in reality once again, and then sensing the separation I accepted and allowed, I can say that this is what I would want for myself, thus this is what anyone would want.
It is cool because it is like a gentle drive within and as me,  especially as I realize that no measure need define who and what I am here, as there is only here in this moment and that the why of me, is simply being here, in life expression, respecting all that is here because this reflects myself as what I am as life to me. Without this, I cannot express the greatness of being life information.  Without the world around me, would I have any definition at all? No, all that is, is an expression in form, hence all that is shows me to myself.
I feel like a joy within this, something that has been suppressed for so long  it in some ways wants to burst from my chest. And in the company of this is a sense that this is okay. Let it be.
I am not here to survive, that is the illusion. I am here to be. The why of myself being here is to understand the formation of life and to move with and as it, to sense and to enjoy what I am, which is a physical information of all that builds the physical world that is creation in expression. The physical is the nothing in formation.  Thus, I could say, ‘ god’ is a breath in form, hence I am the composition of that form where that form is “ god’ hence I am the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, as what is real is the physical.  What is in my mind, is simply a reflection of that, thus what is in my mind is a reflection of ideas about the physical, what is in my mind is secondary to reality.  Reacting to beliefs, opinions and ideas, is essentially reacting to a ghost in the machine that is the body that is a man hued with value judgements that have no equality to the physical. 

Why am I here? To participate in life, to be equal and one to the physical world as this is what is real.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Day 671 Debt as wages and Steve Jobs.

I read this article here, about capitalism. The part where debt was used to allow for declining wages, as, according to the article, began in the 70’s here in America, shows how we perceptually remeasure things, as an ability within each of us. In this case, in this article, the measure of earnings and money lending, used resources and labor and reconfigured it is such a way to allow greater amounts of money to accumulate into the hands of a few. No doubt, the law industry also benefitted from this, as schemes were ordered, constructed to support that change via that measure of using debt to pay wages.

And the media, as this was running full steam by the time we hit the 70’s , filled in the dreams of what one could do within taking out loans and building that home. All the while, as one is so occupied with the dream, the hope, the desire, that looking at how debt was being used to pay wages was not noticed. Were it , and perhaps there was the lone whistle blower that had no space to voice their concerns, as the media was already owned by those who had accumulated enough wealth to construct lending structures that were a means of hiding lowering wages.

What is astounding is the obvious in all of this. This means that humans are the means to investigate form and ‘ pull on the stings of formation’ in time and space, and that no one human being can be more than another in this system, as all parts are needed to do what is a form that is devious by definition and presented as a false positive. Hence, no few can own anything that is the structural foundation of being a living person on this earth. 

This reminds me of what Steve Jobs was quoted to have said towards the very end of his life. He said that what he owned and the power he had were meaningless. These were things he could not take with him. It was the connection to others, that was the value. Hence he realized the value was being, was living, was being present here. He realized that this game that we have all accepted and allowed of winning power and things, is the illusion. And as we see, within the debt use of wage support and the slight of hand going on behind the racing to win a home ONLY,  is game we as a collective accept and allow that is not what is best for us. The consequence of this game, is that the debt is now the elephant in the room, and the laborers, the ones that are the parts that built this, are too expensive and can be replaced by automation, leaving fewer jobs. This leaves fewer possibilities for humans to realize their value, which is to interact with others and do what men can do, which is to come up with new ways of doing things, as a group, because this is how this is done, on this planet where resources cannot be owned unless it is believed to be a truth, when it is not. Steve Jobs makes this clear.

A basic income, a Living Income Guarantee, would be to realize that value Steve Jobs was talking about. Perhaps, he would still have discovered with the many others he discovered with, his discoveries would have happened, yet they would have happened in tandem with really living the value being life; meaning he would have had the time to discover and investigate and come up with new ways of doing things, and spend time enjoying his family and his community and the many values on this earth, as the plants and the animals, and the soils. Obviously, Steve jobs does not exist alone, he is a part of the whole. And, perhaps he is the consequence of what came before, birthed into existence as the sum of development that existed before him. This would mean that he is you , he is life in another form. If he is this, as this is how this works, this is a movement, in a way, that is a celebration of life. It is such a huge and great thing; it means that the value of creation is being and playing with what is formed and realizing in word and deed and thought,  that we create what is here, and it is all of us working together that is the value.

It is time to remove this pyramid scheme of inequality to life. It is time to realize that poverty is a crime against life. It is time to realize, in deed and systemic form that war is a crime, it is destructive as it is not transformative - it is not using what men can do  in constructive ways to create a world where life on this earth is dignified in and as the practice of realizing the value is being here, interacting with others, realizing their perspective to build awareness and to come up with new ways of doing things that improve and respect this physical manifestation of life. We can do this, we can stand together, as we have done, and stand as what is best for all. It is said that one cannot know what is outside of one’s awareness, yet the steps forward are visible, one needs only take that step to see the next. I mean, this is how this is done! Support a Living Income Guarantee. Time to create a systemic form that is the voice and structure of realizing the value is being life. 

Monday, December 21, 2015

Day 670 Emotion is another form of data.

Emotion is another form of data.  When I heard this I immediately thought about who and what I am, if I slowed down to consider that emotion is another form of data. 

This means that my personality is a form of data, as my personality is what I like and what I resist. It means that what I choose to like is based on my experiences, because my experiences are where I got my data from. 

If I look at parenting, for example, I remember at times being resistant to some children. This means that I resisted the data that my data compared their data to that was them.  It means that I sensed their measure, as their data that defined how they directed themselves, or how their neurons sensed based on their exposure and experience, to my exposure and experience believing that their data was not enough for the data I as busy building in my children.

This means that I was competing for data. Sound familiar? 

I investigated what jobs were happening in my area, and I found there were data collection companies. Even my son is working for a data collection project.

Is this a competition for data on a grand scale? Are we competing to collect data to win something more? What is that more that we are seeking? Is it to survive? Yet, is this not the means of survival, and is this not then the means of the machine, as our physical bodies?

If we are exposed to what is here and how the physical data as the plants and the animals and the soils, work and interact as measures of many parts working together, we collect data on that form. This in turn becomes what informs our data that can then build to an emotion that is what we direct ourselves as.  It is like to say, we have a neurological system within that builds in accord with our exposure. if our exposure is limited - just think of the images on TV- then what will be our emotions when we enter the real world around us? our data will be of flat imagery, with no real sensory development. Thus our data, as an emotion will come pouring out, trying to fit into reality, and not finding anything that matches, because the data within does not match the data without. That is really messed up.

Who ultimately is responsible for this? That point where the data is collected and transformed into how the machine is directed! 

It is also to realize the beauty of this, and the need for respect of this as how this functions. This means that each human, can build a network that is aware and present and functioning in being considerate of the beauty of this, and this in all things- even the cat, or the blade of grass. This means that all thing are us in another life!

It is also to realize that we can become stagnant in the data we have accumulated. And this means that we can change. We have to check our emotions as the data that they are, and cross reference that data with what is real, as the physical world that is us, the same. This means that the comfort of not knowing, is an illusion as limited data collection that is the past of one’s exposure and accepted focus. This means that the child will become the measure of the parents. 

The manner of collecting data is from physical reality and all the present forms built by men who did not realize this as the present technologies and systems imposed on this physical reality in absence of realizing this. Or, in using this in self interest- which is that comfort zone of not knowing!  The very means of this ability and development, as this is how things are built and changed and aware of to build is how the physical world works. This is really cool, because this means that we can build and rebuild, transform and take steps to do no harm, to anything that has been built, because we as what we are , can access data, and process it, and realize what does no harm. And, to realize that this is the fun of being. I mean, what do we do all day when we, for example, administrate? We assess data and reorder and organize it as all the things of this world that are creation in motion, information in motion. 

Hence, our present system is an emotion that is a data of beliefs and opinions and ideas that have not considered all data as what it means to be living a life expression that is physical. And that the physical is this process in expression. Instead, we have allowed ourselves to believe that our experience, as our data that creates the emotion, is more real that that from which the data was collected!  

And this means that our present data collection agencies, are collecting data on the movement of data that is a memory within each. This is a limitation, and the consequence of this is a stagnant system that has many jobs for people that have become comfortable within this structure, and fear changing out of their comfortable data! And that data is limited data, feeding on itself and justifying it’s existence despite this causing immeasurable harm to what is the same as them, all the people and plants and animals, everything that is of this physical world that is the means of all of this!

We need to stop believing in a god, because what is really a ‘ god’ is the physical because it is the way of creation. The physical is the information that is the physical you, it is the means of building awareness within of it so that one’s emotion is a data that is in alignment with life. as the physical The very need to believe in a god is the measure of one’s limited data that is the cause of the insecurity to need to believe in an imaginary god! 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Day 669the presence of a wall of memories; the effort to speak as a child.

What is a wall?
I woke up this morning with this word in  my head. I realize the sense of a ‘ wall’ around me is my own making. It only defines me if I accept and allow it.

I also heard a statement about the nature of Astrological signs this week. The woman said that water signs tend to be boundless. Funnily enough, in the group, the water signs were all on the edges of the group, where they could escape, remaining on the borders. 

Being of such a nature means that one can absorb everything and yet not be bound by it unless accepted and allowed, since one can change beliefs, opinions and ideas held within one, meaning one is not bound by such. And yet, this is a means to an end, meaning that one can understand something and let it go and change. One can expand perspective, learn and become more aware. Yet if the starting point is one of believing that one can be bound, and has a character of being boundless, then one is reacting to form, as belief, opinion and idea.

So the statement that one is boundless means that that quality of making the choice to be boundless is the same quality that can understand something for a moment and transform. Because the idea of being boundless means one is constantly transforming, as in rejecting and accepting what one chooses to believe, especially on a physical planet where it takes practical. measurable steps to get things done. If things are done in practical ways then what is real is right in front of us. When I am acting boundless, I am rejecting what is here, fearing to address it, fearing to call it by name and accepting the quality of it, and interacting with it in practical common sense ways.

Hence resistances are my own wall. My physical body tenses to resist what I believe will cause me harm. Because this belief is a measure within me, as an idea, it is myself in separation from being present in what enables me to live , and that is the physical world around me.

I have accepted a wall of belief, and that wall of belief becomes what binds me in limited ways. 

I recently had a memory come up of myself pushing myself to talk as a child. The memory is like an emotional veil. 

It was such an effort to do this, as though I was clenching myself within myself to ex-press the words I was playing with as sound. The anxiety behind this was great. Such a huge effort it seemed. 

Within the memory,  is the perspective of this, meaning the whole focus of myself was on moving myself within myself. My presence, like my eyes, were focused on this movement within me.

A memory can therefor me, a measure, a movement, a tiny slice of time and space. And each memory is like a different measure of movement, like currents in an ocean; some move slow because they are of such a simple movement within me, and others are fast moving, cluttered with debris as zip filed thoughts that are of belief, opinion and idea creating a story of justification for what has been created within that moves one, defines one, and ultimately separates one from being focused and present. In a way, it is a tying of all of this together, where one walks backwards, so to speak, through all of this and begins to see what was constructed with what builds memories within and a perspective of seeing not only this memorized within, and also, in tandem with, what is without as what is the real physical world that was there, that we each were within, become culture and language built personalities that became larger than life.

Who am I within what I accept and allow as beliefs, opinions and ideas? Since what is within is constructed, because it was not there when I was born, or until what seeds were planted as such states of being as the adults around me imbedded as measures of perspective within my DNA,  resonant because they are a form, a memory that can zip file information, what was I before all of this, even as the adults of my exposure and imitation,  around me walking in bubbles of a within made larger than life?

Measurable and math mathematically, this means I am built of what I am exposed to. This means that what is within me, must be equal in measure to seeing directly what is without that is me. This means that in the order of real living, my within must be cross referenced to what is without. This means that real trust, the trust of life, the acceptance of life, must be to realize equality and oneness to the physical. This is accepting everything as life, as creation.

This means that there is only here. 

I ask myself why there was so much anxiety attached in this memory to moving my body in such a way to be able to start speaking words? Was it that I only had words within a context of the beliefs, opinions and ideas of the humans standing within my environment? Was it that what I imitated was a different world than the world around me? Was it that I feared becoming this paranormal activity? Probably.

I notice in my chest, a movement that is not whole, and instead it is more like a hole, where what moves within this, is not sound, instead it feels like it pours out a racing thing, a film thing. I can answer it more, perhaps if I look at this from another angle. It is like it fears taking in other forms. and the consequence is that it is ‘ of an effort’ to change outside of pictures and ideas within and as me. I notice that in some instances taking in information about ‘ finances on the world stage’ is a genre/formation/structure that I have great difficulty with. I have to in these instances really slow down and assess the information as though it is so foreign to me. I tell myself that it is  a measure, a form that can be understood with continued assessment. The contrast of this change to assess this form, as the financial part of the present system,  exists in contrast to what races within my heart/chest that is like a thing as a measure as a form, that resists changing itself.  And yet, this is where I notice at times I can reform myself within understanding others areas of living, as in assessing how to organize some spatial thing in my direct world, my home- for example.

The anxiety comes up in some things my mind projects as words, as statements, such as; I can’t see that,” or “ I can’t grasp that,’ “ must get this”.

There is a sense that I really do not see the consequences of what I am doing. I am only imitating the world around me as trying to fit into what exists be it good or bad, right or wrong, and yet there is a thread of dread in some respects as though this short circuits the physical as me.

I can feel the anxiety of speaking within this, accumulating in my solar plexus, and then moving into my chest to flow out in a way that is of information that does not tell the whole story. It skims the surface.  When I become more ‘ boundless’ I notice that I am being change, and within this, the absence of anxiety happens, as less accumulates within my solar plexus, as I am busy assessing more than what is within me, I am slowing down and also sensing form and function of what is here. The red flag being when the information that is me, has to change and there is resistance because that information is not congruent with being present and here.

As a musician, I always has this sense that words were do limited, so one-dimensional. They moved too slowly to really have a presence in wholeness. Music seemed so much more a means of expressing a greater measure in a moment. And yet, words were sound too. Seeming contradiction.   One of the designs of our present system is that it does not allow for the time it takes to investigate. Yet is we are racing as a within that is not equal to what is without, we lose an innate ability to assess and understand form and structure around us, and hence we build a structure within that is in a relationship with limitation instead of complete understanding. This becomes what so many have accepted and allowed, which is a personality that has no real responsibility. And that is a crime against one’s self, a crime against life. No wonder so many are standing up and speaking about what is unacceptable in this world, and which is not placed on the mainstream media, because what is being expressed that is unacceptable, does not fit into the limitation that supports the limitation as one’s acceptance and allowances within one’s personification that is a metaphysical inner construct as one’s memory. 

I will do some self forgiveness in relation to the anxiety I felt as this memory, about speaking words, using this physical body to speak words using what I imitated around me, that caused a suppression that manifested as emotions accumulating in my solar plexus, and being formed into words that did not tell the whole story and therefor lacked a wholeness within my chest area.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that speaking words was an extra-ordinary effort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that speaking words was a huge effort

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get so caught in speaking words that I did not notice the effects of this on my physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was a child, attempting to behave as the adults in my world around me, and that to do this, I had to speak words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel very exhausted within summoning all of myself to move my physical body into speaking words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as speaking words, and becoming at the same time exhausted within and as doing this, that I did not assess what I had done, as I simply accepted this without investigating what the consequence of this was within and as me.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I became so focused on the words and the effort to speak words that being aware of anything outside of that was ignored.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what my physical body as myself was doing was learning something new, placing into practice as me, some new formation of what I as a physical form could be and do,  that my focus on that and the praise I received for this,  distracted me from what I existed as before, that was what reformed to speak words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that in being able to speak words I was somehow more that what I was in contrast to before being able to speak words as the only value I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is okay to enjoy speaking as in participating in some means of expression as speaking words, yet not to make this a more than, a greater value, something to be proud of as in an end game value  to define who and what I am, where realizing that this change and self expression with the physical is movement and living, and that this is ongoing, meaning it is being present, participating in creation in expression, as this is eternal and cannot be lost.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I find myself accumulating emotional bodies within and as my solar plexus, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand where I am resisting investigating measure and form around me, as this is information that is not what I have accepted and allowed as a belief, as a measure within and as me. hence I slow down and I change within and as me, what I have accepted and allowed and the means of this, to reform through assessment and evaluation and realize that I can express this movement into considering all things, my own acceptances and allowances and what is without structurally, until I realize a form that is whole, as in directive into expanding awareness so my within can be equal and focused without, stable, grounded and at ease, as this is the absence of emotions and feelings of lack, comparison, resistance in competition of aggrandizing my within as ideas, beliefs and opinions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have thoughts such as “ this is too hard’
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have thoughts such as “ I can’t do this,’ or “ I can’t grasp this,” or “ must get this.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not matching the words of another.
I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding the fun of this, over all, as speaking words and moving my physical body  as the means of expression which is fun and means that I am the director of what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the sounds that I emit, to fear making sounds, in fear of making a mistake, when learning means that one must attempt formation, and that means becoming equal in measure to something, which takes time and involves making mistakes, as this is the way and the means of realizing where I am not in total understanding of something, as this is by nature a process.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the thoughts and the emotional veils of memory from my past and the reactions I had within that memory, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that that which builds is that which can reform and move into transforming who and what I am here, surrounded by creation as the physical, and within the construct of separation as the present system, and myself as a personality composed of limited measures in separation from being grounded and whole, equal and one to all life, which includes that physical as this is what is here before a mind consciousness was accepted and allowed to be bigger than life itself.

When and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that the past as memory is no longer what I am here, and that the means to building my memory, as my experience, within the present system is the means of change, the means of slowing down, assessing and investigating what is here, to see, realize and understand what is best for all, as this is best for myself.

When and as I find myself tensing up and/or feeling anxious,  I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess, investigate, evaluate, my within mind consciousness and the without as the physical world that is at the moment influenced by the limited measure accepted and allowed my myself,  and I follow through in practical application what accepted and allowed judgements as lacks within and as me that I believed protected and defended my accepted separation from respecting all life as me, here, and I ground myself through forgiving my own beliefs, opinions and ideas, based on a past where I followed and imitated my without, absent consideration of all things, as I accepted and allowed self interest before respect for all things.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I become equal and one as the living word here, to ground my within, in and as my chest area to speaking in wholeness in what is in consideration of all things, as the physical as this is life information, here.

When and as I find myself skimming the surface of reality and the measure of accepted and allowed limited beliefs, opinions and ideas to define me as my within, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am possible as who and what I am, life, here.
When and as I sense  a wall around and as me, as a sense of resistance to what is here around me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that the real “ wall’ is the all, of and as me as us, as we, here, as the physical, and I assess and investigate my within and the without, until my personified wall of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as memories, as experiences, as data, as measure, are self forgiven in equality and oneness with and as the physical here, becoming a living word that is in tandem with life, as being the consideration of all things, taking that which is good and does no harm, to plant a seed of information equal and one to and as life, here.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Day 668 Walking on the eggshells of a scattered presence.

Walking on Eggshells.

Why do we say, “ Walking on eggshells”?  What are we in essence doing when we believe we are walking on eggshells?

I had a conversation with my sister this morning. We talked about family and the personalities in families. What is a personality? It is a measure of belief, idea and opinion. It is a composition of value judgements, of likes and dislikes. It is what we resist that persists. It is what we reject and accept in the order of defining ourselves here on this earth. It is what we are caught within in our thoughts that protect and defend the values we define ourselves as to survive in a world where everyone is doing this. It is the division of ourselves against what is all the same in each one of us; that we are physical bodies on a physical planet where we are as a starting point all the same.

If we are within a mind construct of value judgements about ourselves, about what we believe will allow us to survive, creating a personification, are we busy in that abstraction of reality that was not present when we were born or are we grounded, our heavens down to earth, in reality?

Can we remember what we did yesterday, or this time last year, in detail?

Or, are we so fractured and in our minds only, supporting and defending what we define ourselves as that we are like a scattered, fractionalized, metaphysical imagery, filled with emotional veils one could say is an imaginary projection of values as memories, scattering our focus from reality?

I have to compare this the the infamous Humpty Dumpty child’s story. No one, not any system, not any other person, not a king, or not the king’s men, can possibly put this scattered self back together again. What we in essence do within this game, because it is a game, is walk around our own accepted and allowed scattered selves; we walk around the scattered accepted and allowed mental/memory construct of limited values that we use to define who and what we are, to survive.
The values in themselves are not good or bad, it is the absolute holding onto them, or focus on them that creates a limitation as one protects and defends these values that creates a separation from practical reality. This is overall a form of dis-empowerment. It causes conflict and friction in being present and walking practical steps as how we actually get things done in this physical world. It is why we are in constant judgement, because no two scattered selves can connect completely, leaving us basking in self pity. Look at how we search for groups or affiliations that are equal in measure to our limited measure! Realize the conflicts in family are essentially one’s personality believing that my measure, my memory is not being understood because when one is only existing within that measure, stuck way up there in a limited construction of ideas that needs constant reformation, and thus constant attention and focus, one cannot be present in being aware of that scattered awareness from being present in what is real, which is the practice of being physical.

There is a reason why our children’s stories exist. There is a reason why someone once said, take that which is good and does no harm, two or more in my name is great strength, become the living word. This is a mathematical equation, it is the equation of being grounded and equal to the starting point of who and what we are before we build a memory, and that is the state of physical beingness on a physical planet called earth.

I ask the question in relation to this; Where are you? Are you in a metaphysical mind construct of limited values, in constant conflict and friction with your world, manifest as blame and spite, fear and disempowerment, or are you here, present, at ease, stable and grounded? 

Do you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells when interacting with others that are the same as you?

Where are you, are you in your mind or are you seeing directly here, equal with what you are?

Are your thoughts, words and deeds considering in every breath, in every moment what it is that we really are, physical beingness on a physical planet? In other words, are you grounded in reality?

What would the world become if every one was grounded in reality, in what was real? 

Would this not create a world that no longer moved and was enslaved to a scattered and divided self stuck up there in an abstract construction that lost awareness of what real living means leading to so much of the conflicts we see in the world around us on national levels?

How is this related to my conversation this morning?

A family member was upset about another family member not meeting the other’s needs. I suggested to look at some of the personality traits within my family. One is that there is a tendency to become obsessed with groups, as in the group of people one is involved with takes over all of one’s time, to the point where there is no space for family- or less space to the point where having a family interaction is too much within the schedule.

I described how some of my siblings have this characteristic to a greater degree than others. And I suggested to look at how we can become this at times, as the degree to which this happens varies from one to another, and/or changes within certain periods in one’s life. Or, that some realize this and change over time, and others do not.

This was changing the perspective within looking at personality traits that have manifested over time. And, then, from here, to realize how I/each have done this, and to note that yes, it would be cool if there were more flexibility within this tendency to become obsessive about one’s group interactions outside of family. Neither is bad, yet a lack of flexibility within understanding this can cause conflict and judgement within the one wanting the other relationship to exist on a more even keel - so to speak.

My goal was to quiet the emotional reactions, to give some perspective as to how the personality can lack flexibility and how that lack has nothing to do with the person being rejected or slighted as a belief. Here, it is interesting how the mind will deny a perspective presented, through repeating the original measure/thought, and bring in all the past events where the same feeling was lived. This is a form of self validation yet also one looking at the measure one has accepted and allowed so it is not a ‘ bad’ in some respects, and in another sense it must be done because we have to look at what we are saying! Often the perspective from a more grounded awareness, that adds awareness to what one is restating/defending/placing one’s attention into,  has to be stated more than once - before the scattered egg shells of values can be grounded into a stable constant change in perspective that builds a greater understanding of how we work within what we have allowed as a scattered self in a memory/mind construction as our survival suits of limited values used to define who and what we are. This demands patience and calm, time and effort.

Bringing this back to myself, I have to ask my self all the time, “ Where am I?” am I in my mind focusing on a value that I defend and protect, a limited awareness, or am I grounded, equal to my breathing, present, here assessing reality, investigating the measure presented not fearing to upset a scattered self, a personality and instead of resisting that measure/value moving into acting in self interest, am I grounding that scattered value becoming equal to it for a moment, realizing it cannot define me and that I can assess those egg shells spread out and focused upon only, and instead seeing the patterns, using my awareness , my presence to evaluate the ‘ pieces’ and placing them in the context of what I really am as a physical beingness on a physical earth?  Yes, I can do this, we all can do this because we are life. It will take practice, it will take forgiveness, it will bring me/us back down to the value being life.

I suggested, after I assessed what motivated the behavior that was limiting, to realize that none of this is personal, none of this defines the value of the person rejected, because it is the personality as a belief system - and a person being involved in their life from which, yes they could create space and be more flexible -  moving in its value system to the point where that ‘ train’ of values does not slow down and realize space and time, as what is practical physical reality outside of that racing measure that is a scattered self that is not all ‘ bad.” 

Where am I? Am I lost in a mind consciousness of limited values constantly walking on eggshells in fear of upsetting an unstable and ungrounded presence as the same in another of what I myself have accepted and allowed not understanding how this all works, or am I living here, grounded in reality, where my presence has the ability to assess division/separation into conflict and friction as what a separation from what is real would create? Am I using what I am as life, able to critique and create within directing myself in respect of all things, as being focused on what is real, this actual real physical life that is me?

Where are you? Are you in your mind, a mind consciousness only, or are you here

Walk the Desteni I Process to begin your journey to life, learn to understand what thought is, what a feeling is, and what an emotion is. Place your presence back on the ground, become equal and one to life

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Monday, December 7, 2015

Day 667 The will to sort the unsorted to realize what is eternal, the absolute purpose of life.

Changing, looking away from judgement- a fear of loss. The will to withstand the test of time.

Looking at my mind constructions, I see a pattern. I am using the means of understanding something, as the means to assess, to protect myself from having to stand through upsetting another person, and then moving into an idea that I have no control. I move from the small, as immediate relationships, to the collective- the group. I fear addressing an immediate discrepancy, meaning - as the words I want to use in this moment- balancing out something that is uncomfortable because, by default, it somehow is not stable, meaning clear. Then, I get caught in a dis-quiet that I cannot name- and of course, I cannot name something because I had not sorted it out! So, within the small immediate situations, I have to slow down, breath, and sort things out, and since the beginning of this was never addressed, it means that I do not have the answer within my memory of that action! Hence I can only sort out the unsorted in real time, here. And, I can use what I missed, in a rush in time and space, and ground myself back into the small practical measures that bring me back into a momentum of doing in ways that build a self confidence in directing in real time because I realize that to be present, I have to ground with all things- as in not only being lost in an idea of loss as a construct of the mind- which is the unsorted values of the lack of clarity. This becomes a snake eating its own tale/tail.

Then, when I face a group, I get overwhelmed, because it appears that sorting out the smaller things, is too overwhelming. Those very early movements that were not sorted out, as what lacked a wholistic certainty, or absolute purpose, where absolute purpose was a movement of ease, as in an absence of conflict and friction,  more symbiotic, or rather as a word that resonates in this moment for me, more synergistic/ all encompassing, I have already accepted chaos and by remaining within that unsorted or ungrounded state, become passive.

I think of a child asking why there is war, and the parents saying something like “ because there are bad people in the world” Then the child asking why there are bad people, and the parent saying,” because they do bad things” and the child asking why they do bad things, and the parent saying- perhaps- ‘ because they believe their god is more than our god.” This is a non-answer, this sorts nothing out for a child that has no religion, because children are not born with religion! This is creating this ‘ noun thing’ somewhere that has no definition. This is the onset of a metaphysical construct that lacks any and all practical application. This builds a fear, religion is thus a fear tactic!

This construct, this metaphysical construct, also takes the focus away from the solution, as looking at the details of why people are ‘ bad.”  This non-looking must be of something, because that non-looking is using something to sustain that non-looking! Hence, our memories are pictures and words ( as the practice of mindfulness  suggests that which we understand as thoughts need not define us- a memory that was non-existent when we were born ) and is a composition of the unsorted that becomes the veil of seeing only the lack that was never addressed! Would this not slow the cognitive ability of a child down by the third grade? Would this not accumulate until, as adults, we had a harder time learning new things? The unsorted, the non-clarified becomes the wall of separation from a natural ability to assess and come up with new ways of doing things, which men can do so well when present and at ease- meaning not moving as a survival race/game/ideology.

As a child, if I faced this when I asked too many questions, this wall in the adult, that was an end game of blame without clarification and that object of justification for the unsorted. Myself not having any religion, and having to hear this end game again and again, accepting it to survive, which is accepting the unsorted, never having the opportunity to verbally frame the uncertainty of this end game as I was also learning the language,  had I been more verbal, could I as the small child made it through the wall of the unsorted within my parents? No. The race of the mind of unsortedness was much bigger than myself. It is kind of like being Joan of Arc, one voice in a see/sea of unsortedness.

Hence, the unsorted, in my early learning stages would have culminated in an uncertainty, both in being drawn away from a real consistent focus on the practice of real physical living as what I am here, and realizing that I was building a limited measure within as ideas, beliefs and opinions about unsorted things, that would  begin to come to take up so much of my time as my memory imitating the lack of clarity in the adults, that I would get lost in the limited constructions in the process of constructing to the point where I accepted the constructs of the unsorted, the unnamed, and forgotten resolving the initial lack of clarity metaphysical ideas that placed responsibility onto some noun non-existent figure became what and who I was in measure. This is a real mess. It means that memory is constructed and memory is a distraction from reality. Memory is the past event.  So, why do we force learning through memory? It is like building understanding through the past, without using the present. If one’s past is of the ‘ unsorted” to a greater degree would it not cause an inability to function in our present system? And would not this corporate hierarchy that wants to own products to sell for wealth accumulation want the unsorted to not sort out the constructs of the mind? Yet, who is to blame for all of this? Who started this? No one can put this back together again but the self that accepted and allowed this. Yet, this is the fun, because this is being self directive- this sorting out!

What I remember being as a child, is a sense of complete confusion as the main word I would describe myself as back then. In this, I can understand why so many children develop so many fears. Their fears are the unsorted that make no sense. Something that makes no sense gives no stable presence of self responsibility! 

Within this, if the lack of clarity can be followed, it can be seen! It may not have the physical form in density of a tree. Yet, it must have some physical formation otherwise how could I have come to follow it, as in remain in the lack of clarity!? And what focused on that metaphysical construction? It must be lighter than that construct!!!! This means that I can see this! This means that I can sort this out. This means that I can address the limitation and correct it, even when I see this in another. And this means that since this is what I seek, this is what all seek. All seek a way out of the dis-clarity, the con-fused limitation that is a veil, that is metaphysical and more solid than what can move without friction, meaning with ease. That is a huge game changer!

And the thing of this is, that we all have it. This means that we see the lies and the deceptions of our own lack of clarity. This means that no one, not one single hued-man sheathed in a metaphysical character, that screams their personification to maintain that personification, can hide. Why do I say personification, because maintaining that separation of lack, is more work that living in clarity - in the end.  When we know something we are at ease, when we are uncertain and unclear, we are anxious.

For myself, I have to realize where I moved in fear, as in uncertainty, where I accepted the unsorted, the unstable, the impractical, and forgive myself for accepting limitations that became self defining lacks, and bring my presence here, to assess, sort out, and balance my presence to the point where my memory is moving in equality and oneness with all life. I must become equal and one to the physical world.

Nothing is hidden, all can be seen. And, everything can self empower through equality and oneness. The action is to take that which is good and does no harm. The thought, word and deed is to do what is best for all. 


                                                B-earth Your Self Into Life. Be Present Here.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Day 666 Is my accepted and allowed automation reminding me of the seasons?

Am I automated within behaviors? Do I realize how automated I have become, missing the changes in the seasons, forgetting what happened last year at this time? Do I realize how much I am lost in my own measure, my own memory, my own past experience? Can I see that what is not sorted out remains until it is normalized in a way that it no longer occupies my thoughts, which is myself caught in thinking about it instead of placing what I am thinking about in a context that gives a practical solution in real time where I no longer have to think about it?

Think about having to pay a bill. It can consume a lot of thinking time. If you are busy thinking about this, your attention is on that thinking within, which is not a bad, but is something that can occupy one’s attention. This then distracts one from what is around one, to the point where one cannot remember the sunset on that day, or those days.

If these things are repeated, then that movement, that measure remains, because we are creatures that learn, and we learn through practice, through integrating measures, as what words really are - for example- until we integrate that measure. If a solution as a practice that we understand enough that we are confident enough within as, the need to think about it no longer exists, because we understand the movement necessary to complete the task.

If we cannot move or complete the task, and that which blocks this, as an idea within us, remains, then we focus on that because we have not solved how to move to complete that task where it is no longer a burden being carried around occupying out focus, as what thinking is- something we focus on that is not us being present in reality.

How many times have we been afraid to do something, and then when we went to do that thing we feared, we realize it was not something to fear in any way!?  How many times have we been embarrassed that we feared doing something and then wanted to hide this from others because we realize we were inflating an idea about something, causing a huge doom and gloom scenario about something - which is us thinking about something- that did not need to be something we participated within!?

Can we see, that this process of thinking about something with fear, without actively changing within ourselves, as sorting things out in practical measures can separate us from real efficient practice/movement in reality?  Are we creating these huge doom and gloom measures within that end up taking up our time and can become automated behaviors, distracting us from being self directive?  Can we instead get things done in effective ways that allow us to be present in our days here on earth, to enjoy everything that is here!?

Can we see that this seemingly endless thinking ONLY can build that doom and gloom measure that divides our changeable/teachable/learnable selves? Can we understand through what we have allowed with this capacity how this capacity functions? And can we realize that no one, not one single person or thing can become the directive of this but ourselves? Can we realize that even if the fault of what we believe as a measure within, may not be our own, that no one, not a single person or thing can be the change of what measure within has defined who and what we are but ourselves?!

If someone in your world comes to you and explains this to you do you reject this because this means you have to change, you have to assess what has been accepted and allowed as beliefs, opinions and ideas and change them? Have we become so acclimated to thinking about this that was accepted and allowed as a measure of information, a comfort zone, that change from that is believed to be some huge doom and gloom situation, when it is simply realizing one’s measure- so reflected in personality of likes and dislikes ?

How changeable are you, by this I mean the kind of change that is not reactive? How many times have you changed with calm, simply assessing a situation, where there is no behavior of projecting blame, which is spite in action!? Behaviors of blame are reactions, they are a rejection of self responsibility, they are not those actions where one assess what is here, as what is around us, to discover ways to get things done! After all, is this not the behavior one would want as guidance for one’s self?

Are you someone who moves as problem into solution, or are you someone who uses your changeable self into problem, reaction - as behaviors of blame , which is spiting what we do not want to look at because we have to accept what we have resisted?

The analogy of the train and the landscape, the relationship between the two. Let us look at this. It represents your cognitive skills - overall. I say this because some of us have developed some cognitive skills, yet is that skill synergistic, meaning can you transpose the ability to understand that form of information developed, into understanding other forms? In this instance is your cognition functional within a narrow focus only? The information that is you, is it clear, meaning can you see, are you aware enough, meaning do you cross reference what is outside that train, that measure  of information within, as your memory, is that aware of what is outside of that ‘ picture show’ as your memory? How flexible are you? How many reactions of fear, and uncertainty, and insecurity do you have? These emotions of insecurity, are they simply where that train of thought, that train of out-of-proportion thinking as unresolved-issues  are the focus of that which accepted and allowed them - the self, struggling to change from seeing with respect to the speeding train to slowing down and seeing that landscape outside of the train-of-thought? Is this where a reaction of doom-and-gloom happens- in that segue moment of realizing that one has in thought, word and deed, been focused on one’s self accepted and allowed racing train of ideas, beliefs and opinions, to such an extent that one cannot remember what one did at this time last year because what is real, is outside that racing train? Has the physical world that has become blurred by one’s self accepted and allowed focus -that only self can change, been forgotten? 

It took patterns of behavior to build that train. It took a mis-take of reality. It took a fear that was a moment of inferiority, of fearing to lose something. It took generations of this to happen, many. Hence, there is no one left to blame, as they are all gone. There is only the solution, to forgive self, to forgive what self has accepted and allowed, and to self correct. The physical world is right here, our guide, always stable as it is only the separation of men from themselves that has caused the discord to life, which is physical and always right here in front of us.

Slow down and breath. Ground yourself here. Realize how we have each programmed our physical bodies to survive instead of to live.  It is time to build a cognition that is in sync with reality. It is time to realize and respect all things to create an inner world that is equal to the outer.
It is time to slow down and practice checking with every breath how much the self is lost in a train-of-thought forgetting to include reality that is the means of life. It is time to give as we would receive, which is to stop looking at our lack, and punishing ourselves, fighting with every breath, and to ground ourselves, here. It is time to take that step and realize that each and every one of us is fractionalized, segmented into a lesser measure than reality as the physical. We can begin to see, realize and understand through breathing. It will take practice with breathing, to catch ourselves in our own accepted and allowed habits that no one can change, because no one is us within. It is time to see the separation and then from there begin to read the patterns of behavior, and to forgive them, which means forgiving one another and becoming solutions that restore our natural ability to change, to learn, to be teachable, to invent, to create, to live.

Turn impossible into I am possible. it is a subtle change, one that can change this world into heaven on earth. Then can we all forgive ourselves and each other for what has been accepted and allowed. Two or more in my name, -which is that train being in sync with the physical world, that sunrise outside your window - is great strength. It is seeing directly here. 

Our current systems are a reflection of what we have accepted within that is a separation from the without, as the physical earth.  The present system mirrors the accepted lack of responsibility to this physical world.  The present system is to order the separation, to control it. This is a structure of violence because it does not consider all things, instead it uses a mean that ignores all that does not fit within that mean. This cannot work, because what is ignored, is what is resisted, and what is resisted, because it is a part of life, will accumulate and become bigger than that mean, it will become the consequence of disrespecting life. By design such a system cannot work.  What if you were that child born in Africa where mono-cultural forms brushed aside a symbiotic world and all that resided there that worked and was fecund with life, that a monoculture destroys down to the stuff of the means of life, which is the soils and all tied to that soil, a living breathing beingness equal and one to and as us? What if you were that child, born into a land ravaged by a train of ideas built of a means that rejected so much because it did not bring the wealth as how we have allowed money to be defined, into the hands of a few?  Is this form the same as what each and every one of us is allowing within ourselves when we do not slow down and realize that we are the creators of this through what we accept and allow within ourselves?

Each and every one, every person, must slow down and stop. It is time to realize we are creatures, and that we creat this world. We can as our ability to change, move our focus onto reality and our within, and do what does no harm, meaning work with what is here. We can change the system, standing together, as the very fabric of reality- the within and the without. We can change the flow of money, to in this moment, have money flow to each and every person on this earth, to allow each point to step out of the scream of a mind in separation of what is real, the physical world.