Saturday, May 27, 2017

A natural ability to be PRESENT Day 768

I have moments from the past where I looked at something and had a noses that something was out of whack. It usually was a focus where I could not explain why I thought something was out of whack, or, as another way to say this is, ‘ not in synch.”

This is something I think is innate to all of us, as what we are. This is something that each one of us can realize. If anything we get caught up in the details of expressing ourselves as we cannot line up the words that paint the picture of the math that we see, or sense, being not in synch, somehow, in the world around us. 

I can think of numerous instances in my life where this has happened. And I can compare this to performing to realize, as I had over the years, of what was happening that was the cause of both being able to sense something being out of synch and an ability to not quite be able to call out by name the math, the movement, the sense of the whole not being in balance. It is all around us, and we are the perfect mechanisms to understand this. We have all sensed this at some point in our lives. It has to be because of what we are, as forms, in totality. The statement that the veil is thin, is around and has been around for a reason, because it is a description of what is happening. It sticks , it holds, it cannot be denied.

I remember an instance where I really looked at my nephew, who is autistic.  I mean, I stood there and really LOOKED. Meaning, I sensed him, in calm, just stood there and sensed him. Instead of being in fear of his erratic and unconventional movements, in relation to comparison ONLY, based on comparison within standard expectations, I LOOKED at him. I was not in a state of resistance, I just LOOKED. What came to me was a sense that he was completely out of synch within himself.  It appeared that all the anxieties I knew from my family where swirling around ‘ in there’ and that this being was simply not able to synchronize with presence, his body and presence in a stable way, in a focus without an interference causing a huge effort to get himself to focus here. 

Having such a ‘ thought’ about this, and this was before desteni , is overall telling. Why do I not trust such a thing? And why can I not see my own details that yet lack details? And why not stand up and say this! Why not trust myself enough to speak up as this? In all common sense we are physical BIO- LOGICal forms, and within my sense of a LACK of an ability to FOCUS as what I see, I am basically telling myself, revealing to myself, what is actually happening to the being in space and time. How is it that what is so obvious is ignored? I mean, if I can sense water getting hot to make tea, for example, or if I can sense a change in barometric pressure, or if I can feel the bite of a tick, why the fuck can I not sense the movement and flow and focus of another human being? Of course I can, as the very nature of what and who I am as the same physical information as this world around me. The only thing that would stop this, is information counter to this, said again ad again and again, that I would begin to FOLLOW that would be counter to what the FUCK I AM! What do we think the whole “ Plato’s wall” and  the Machiavellian construct of voicing blame and spite as dis- SENT as information is and does? The math of separation is VISIBLE and all around us!  In so many ways, it is actually not a rocket science, or, one could say we are the most perfect of mechanisms to sense the science of the physical around us. And why? Because we are of the same stuff! 

An act of seeing ONLY the lack, and not also realizing the means of change out of that lack, in tandem with the behavior of calling out that lack ONLY, is a distraction of looking at the self - that self that has an innate ability to realize when something in this physical realm is out of synch, is out of harmony, is out of real presence, as out of FOCUS HERE.  To ignore, or reject, or not use this sensibility as who and what we are, and to ONLY point out that lack - is that same sensibility being used, which means a sensibility exists! It is an admission of what we are, it is only that it is being MISS-used. 

If one focuses ONLY on a resonant belief that was accepted and recited or used again and again, and FOLLOWED as that resonant belief within,  which is a practice of and as following something instead of using an innate sense, which is a rejection of the self as life - life being a natural sensibility - then one becomes out of synch with this reality. This is something that no one can blame on any one or thing around them. And it can only be self corrected. This is a resonant entity, it is a MINED CON-SCIENCE. One has become and practices a consciousness of separation.  The subconscious being the foundation of the parents being the same, and the unconscious this of the overall system, all accumulations as ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in separation as a focus on LIMITED information accepted and allowed. This is, in other words, not a rocket science. The degree to which one cannot realize this, is the degree of one’s separation. It is visible in how much one projects the limited storied information onto objects around one, instead of standing within what is natural and innate, which is the ability to sense the whole and the parts, that ‘ nagging ‘ sense that something is out of whack, that each and every one of us has as who and what we really are. 

If one does a discipline, such as performing with an instrument, in a group, it begins, over time, to become obvious when one is not in synch with the group and begs the question as to what is causing this out-of-synchness. The only thing that can block this, is within the self. One must ask the question as to what is blocking the focus ? One must listen to the body to realize what it is that is blocking the focus. What I noticed was that a part of me was focusing on, my children, when they were  younger- for example. I had to learn to let one thing go, in the space for the moment that I was in, and focus on where I was. A consequence of this, after I had realized this, was that then chancing from the one to the other, was in itself challenging. This revealed to me that I was sluggish within myself, but in common sense I should be able to do this, as this was actually being mature ( as the terms I used and learned within this discipline).  This, overall, is being a master of self, and creating a self. Yet, overall, this begged another question as to why any resistance to something was not realized for what it was, and why our system did not take this into consideration and even used this for gain, through forcing beliefs, and dis-allowing this to live in synch with this reality and how this all works! How many times has one realized that past actions were not what was best, and has shame for such actions, not wanting to go back and correct them? How many times have we wallowed in such, defining ourselves as such, using this very limited piece of a movement, to define ourselves to make ourselves ‘ better’ within a bubble of realization, instead of moving beyond this into realizing the moving parts within the whole, in relation to all of this? It is an indication of having lost a focus on the whole, which means one has an embedded resonance that has become larger than reality, that is what is distracting the self from being who and what we are by capacity, into sensing mis-takes of and as our state of being, in relation to an innate ability to SENSE, to be in COMMON SENSE of the overall movement and expression of this LIVING REALITY around us that is the same as us. This reality, as the physical is a beautiful design. We are the means to understand and create.  We need only recognize the resonant ghost of mis-information through limited story accepted and allowed as reality, yet not ourselves standing within ourselves as who and what we really are. And, in a sense, all of our actions are us wanting to ultimately be in synch with this reality, because it is who and what we really are as this is the means of us being in living expression. 

Just look at all the dogmas of self definition, based on environment and culture, the dogmas of religion and politics, ask yourself if these things lend life expression. Hold your breath, focus on those values and see if they can ultimately sustain you, or if what sustains you is BREATHING.  This means that the PHYSICAL trees are necessary, or supersede any inner BELIEF system. Thus, what is ultimately real? 

An interesting thing happened those years I was performing with small groups. As I started to sort this out within myself, to realize what I was doing within myself, I had people come up to me and say to me that I had a lot of PRESENCE on stage.  I looked at this, with surprise and self interest, as I did that of which I speak, and did not relate this to what I was sorting out and realizing within myself. Yet, as I become more a master of myself, within my self, in relation to what I was doing, that focus improved and people noticed it. 

What also happened, is nasty comments also came to me. It appeared as an  out-of-context statement. I would react, yet also, had experienced a sense of myself knowing when I was in synch and present, meaning I knew when I was in focus, what I had not rehearsed enough etc. to know that no one could really know what I was being but myself. This was enough to begin to know the difference between supportive criticism and just simple nasty criticism. 

Supportive criticism opens doors, as though it defines what one already senses, and is very clear- meaning one sees it immediately and is thankful. Nasty criticism usually makes no sense, and confuses. And yet, I know very good players who have a hard time between the two, which is an indication of not being in synch in itself- but that is within the individual. 

If I can sense this, and this is something that is known, it means that that same sense in the self, is alive and present. The ability to sense the different colors of this, overall substantiates what is innate within all of us, as who and what we are, as living beings that are physical, and can sense the most subtle of things, down to seeing, realizing and understanding when we face an autistic person, that what is happening with that person, is a serious state of being out of synch with reality, with this physical reality. 

This means that it is probably a cause of a number of things, that we have allowed pollutants in our environment from NOT LOOKING, and we have allowed a resonance of NOT LOOKING, that is causing what we are to be out of synch. We are therefor creating physical discord with reality within and as what we are placing as a math of separation, as a measure of separation as what we hold within us, that is of limited information, to inform the physical. It is , if we LOOK , as what is natural to what and who we are,  the cause of so much out-of-synchness in our world today. We are moving against life. Yet we are, as the very nature of ourselves and the physical, as what is natural, the ability to move in synch with creation, as the physical reality that is life that is all around us. 


On the world stage, it appears to me, that the bully of the media and certain institutions we have collectively allowed and as men, because the power is in the numbers, as men composing the system - it appears to me, that just as a nasty person realizing in contrast to a noticeable presence, attack and try and force a limitation to hide a reality. This behavior in itself screaming a separation from self, not wanting anyone to see that that self has rejected itself as life, and moving to attack anything that exposes its separation, and/or in many ways, a crying out of separation, as the practice of separation is all that is known, and all the expression of the entity knows how to be. So is it with some of our present systems, such as the CDC and the whole vaccine scenario. it is like it is screaming its demise, trying to hold onto something that is being exposed, and instead of LOOKING, does everything in its capacity to continue a false narrative. Thus, the movement of lack, in the overall system, behaves the same as what I experienced in my life in relation to movements and expressions around me. Thus, it is  a pattern, recognizable, and of a measure, or math in this reality, visible and understandable within its accepted and allowed state of being. We individuals are no different. Such patterns can only exist within small measure, as a separation is a loss of presence, and only able to hold a chaos of no real self directive capacity- which is visible in its lack. If we take the time to look, can we not see the actions of institutions being that scared accusatory voice that uses hyperbole as limited value judgements that have no real clear description and directive practical measurable steps that open awareness, that point out where one is, with clarity and then give a measure that appears to voice just what one was seeing but was only on the cusp of calling out by name with clarity in the moment and therefor incredibly thankful of the clarity that defines effective practice that is a joy in and as self discovery into real self creation? The difference between the two is HUGE, and visible, if one takes the time to really LOOK.  This ability is the capacity of who and what each and everyone of us is as life. It is time that we create ourselves as life, which means to stand in the image and likeness of this practical and physical and visible reality. We all have moments where we realize this. We need only LOOK here. Breathe. 


The ungroundedness of self interest Day 767

Two days ago I had an interaction with a man. I had been waiting to use an ATM. He was the next in line. For some reason, I assumed he was with the person in the ATM. Perhaps because he was standing somewhat at a distance from the AT> The person in the ATM came out, and I moved to enter. He called out to me and I stopped. I immediately apologized and said I assumed he was with the woman. I was calm.

It did not matter, he then went on to tell me to go in that i was obviously in a rush, to which  responded again that I was as fault and had made an assumption, and that I had time. He then said the same thing again, that I was obviously in need, and that I should go. I did have the thought to go, while at the same time, I noticed what I have noticed before, which is a person not looking here, and instead looking at something else. He proceeded to walk away, as if in disgust.  It appeared to me to be a tiny tantrum. It is like a movement that is invisible, attempting to pull the space into something, that has nothing to do with the space, the moment, the living reality. 

What astounded me was how small it really was to go into something like this. Even though I was attempting to realize my own actions, I also in this noticed how tiny the emotional storms are. I have a sense of “ why” ?  There is no point to having these dramas. And, obviously the person wanted a situation in which to vent something.  I can have no idea what this person’s day was. It had nothing to do with me overall, and yet, it was unacceptable in another, overall. 

Lately I look at the discipline of playing an instrument and all the martial arts movies. The master has no time for emotional excuses or games because they understand that such things become a distraction, an interference, from being focused in the moment, as self, in one’s body. This is also why depression is always self interest, because what brings one into a state of ease, is being focused here, on this reality, in the practical. Given what is happening on the world stage, and the financial structure we allow through our participation, exciting polarized values about things is the means of manipulation. To make one thing appear more than another, in state of comparison, or competition, as this is what this creates, is the means of division from what is normal, which is  the practical and physical reality around us. Morals of judgement lacking practical perspective, are polarizing values, which is a separation from the practical.  How we ever allowed a banking system using interest mechanisms that flow all wealth to a government, via various round about structures, to then determine how we think, what we eat, and how we manage the consequences of not eating in ways that support our bodies, is astounding. It is a state of denial of self as life. It is living in an alternate reality, from the one that is here, and it is much much smaller, it is tiny. When that false reality of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, is made larger, by the self, in a bubble, an inflamed story of mis information and an incorrect use of the imagination, it creates a separation that is the proverbial veil that one allowed one’s self. We are all aware of this.  

In so many ways, it is time to stand up and speak about this. Sometimes in a state of learning something, one gets to the point where one must go out and stand up as this, as this propels the awareness into reality. One must stand and be the instrument performing, in real time, and not only within and behind the walls of study. What I have found is that I really face my own morality when I speak up about this in public. I am moving against a habit, in real time, and all the reactions are going to come forward, as they are the programming. yet this weeds out those who refuse to look. What happens is one begins to realize how small the storm of energy within someone is, how tiny it is,  how meaningless it is. One has to be like those martial arts masters, and stand no matter what, and not put up with excuses, and yet in a calm manner, not a suppressed manner, a present and  calm manner. Also, to realize that mistakes will be made, things will be missed, and yet this is no different than moving out of a private practice with an instrument into playing out in the world. One only learns to catch what one is doing, in real time and space. 

In one moment when this man reacted and insisted, as he turned away, I did have the thought move through me that he was busy projecting something and probably had not heard a word I said as he was busy in his own storied information. Even I moved beyond this, like saying no to the thought. This thought being small within myself. Just as I saw this movement as this that the man was being as small, so too was the same as a reaction within me towards him. What I am looking at here, is how much such states of being have the quality of a person not moving, not looking here, and ignoring the real space around them, like a glitch in space. with a tiny storm around the person. Just as the one I had around me, and just as the assumption moved me. It has a quality of not being present, and of hiding. 

I remember our dogs barking when the children went off to get on the school bus in the morning. They always started to bark, and never liked the big yellow school buses.  It always bothered me. Why were they barking so much? On some level, they could see that the children did not want to get on the bus and go to school. I realize that sending children off to be in a room every day for 13 years, to memorize information, is not what is best for them. This is how to inform them of what supports what upholds the present system that is raging wars, using the capacity of men for resource acquisition without regard for the life on this planet. We have allowed a government that is the model of what we are doing, within ourselves, and we are sending our children off for someone else to educate because we are so busy keeping the bubble of limited constructs of polarized values that consume us going that we cannot slow down and show our children this living reality.  The irony is , is that we made the choice to focus here, on this living reality, this practical and visible reality, we would find a real state of ease.  And, we mankind are so capable, we could make the change in a short period of time! 

Overall, walking mind constructs, to realize the patterns of our separation, as accumulated value judgements, from a starting point of an initial fear that compounds into a distraction that exists as a bubble around the self, is visible in its lack of presence in reality. It moves as a kind of frozen stiffness, like a glitch in presence, in being here. In children with whom I have worked, it triggers a restlessness, that can be refocused. One can realize the extent of this too, in whether or not one can hold something new within one’s self. If one cannot hold a word, for example and really define it to be clear and in tune, meaning one can use the tool as the word to bring one's presence into the greater whole as life, and as self in calm and  able to read information in a more self directive and self discovering state or manner, one is caught in a time loop, where a time loop is a body of storied and polarized information, having value judgements that separate one from what is more natural as a presence in awareness of this living reality that is this earth all around us. One could call this an emotional firewall. Even within the focus of one’s eyes is this visible. After all, what would one call a zombie or a vampire? 

I have a memory coming up of myself, standing in my parent’s kitchen. I must be in late elementary school or early middle school. In the memory, I move in a different way than I had moved before - or so I believe, or it had compounded to the extent that in this memory this movement happens to stand out more than others. I suddenly move to speak about information. It is like I can follow the patterns of the information and speak it out. It is like I move to stand in a picture, a body of ideas. It is interesting that while at the same time I sense the movement to stand in reality and speak up more openly about how this all works, that i have a memory coming forward of myself doing the same in relation to participating in communicating accepted storied constructs of information that had accumulated to the extent that I deemed it acceptable to move forward and speak it out to my parents. There is also a sense of gaining favor, or of being in synch with the measure of my parents within this.  I had stepped into being the cool aid, in a way. lol It is a memory that has the color of a first recital. There is also some sense of apprehension. And an awareness that I knew what i was doing, yet with full compliance. I was so focused on this that there was no real focus on an alternative at the time, in this memory.  Had I done this before, as in built up to this, with those times before having that moment where i remember running out to a tree to run from what I had resonantly allowed that I knew on some other level was not what was best? 

I realize that eventually, our awareness must become equal to the life around us as the physical. If we focused as who and what we are, as living physical beings, our focus on life, which is physical would so come to enjoy the subtle that are the forms that compose this life, that create the trees that we cannot live without. Trees that supersede any religious or political dogma. We are physical, and the physical reality is life. It is no wonder that what is real is in plain sight? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to drink the cool aid of knowledge and information without practical application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand within the ,gaming of storied information to participate in survival, in self interest, to gain favor within a bubble as the polarized values of and as my family, in separation from remaining as who and what I am as life, as a physical state of being, in this reality that is physical and all around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose a limited storied set body of information, with the rise and fall of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, instead of remaining practical, equal and one with and as a common sense of who and what I am as a physical state of being, as what is here in plain sight that is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how I participated within and as accumulating a storied body of information, to define me, to be the expression of and as me, that is knowledge and information without consideration of this practical reality as the physical, to gain favor, to survive, to such an extent that I forgot who and what I am, even having experienced the consequences of and as this, during my childhood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to set bodies of information, as firewalls of emotion, accumulated over time, and not recognizing this as what I had done within myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the same that i had accepted and allowed within and as me, as emotional feeling bodies composed of value judgements that separated myself from being present and equal to this reality, in all ways, standing as solution, within and as grounding presence in the practical, as this reality is must bigger and more alive, than bubbles of set bodies of polarized value judgements and the means to realize there are no problems only solutions, within and as creating what is best for all, as this is what is best for the self.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that when and as an emotional storm is around me, or a movement in this reality around me, that it does not define me, unless i allow it, and that i need not fear such or believe that such is impossible to bring into being focused here, in this practical and living physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that subtle nature of what I allowed within and as standing up to recite what I believed in the moment was how I should be to gain favor, to survive as this movement in the kitchen as a older child, was done in complete self interest, with a sense that I, as me, as seeing only my own self advancement in collecting value points, as self interest, stood up to speak, there is a quality of myself pulling myself into moving space into a picture of storied information that is not expansive, and more singular as being in a bubble, where the presence of me, forces myself into this, in a way that it seems normal, when the very movement is a focus away from being present of the  very kitchen and its components around me, which is astounding that I dd not see, realize and understand what I was accepting and allowing, and for this I forgive myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this memory, I don’t even remember the adult standing there, I was so entrenched in my own recital of accepted and allowed information, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in where i am at the moment, that should I not recite what is collectively believed, as knowledge and information, as a set body of information, that I will be punished, when the real punishment is the suppression of myself, in standing in awareness of this physical and practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i need not believe that I must protect myself from emotional firewalls of value judgements, as they are really very small, and readable, in their movement of and as not being focused here, and that great patience and humbleness can be what it is that I become here, as who and what I am as life is able to remain focused here, in consideration of all things, breathing, slowing down and grounding myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a more, as being a more than, within and as being able to stand up and recite to prove myself being worthy, which is a stating point of and as a belief that I am unworthy, and not myself being focused here, equal and one with this living reality that is physical all around me, that is me, as it is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a storm in a tea cup, an emotional firewall, of and as beliefs, opinions and ideas, within believing there are more than wants needs and desires, when what and who I am is here, able to communicate and respect what is here, as the physical that is the same as me, composed of and as the same building blocks of and as reality, a life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must ‘ thrust’ myself forward, to gain, when I am here, physical as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is a need to rush, to stand up and recite, to prove, when I am here, as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compare myself to others, as in compete with others, when I am here.

When and as I find myself moving outside of being humble, calm, present, breathing, and remaining steady, within and as not only seeing and reacting as a mind consciousness system I have accepted and allowed I also slow down and realize what I am accepting and allowing as belief, opinion and idea, within want, need and desire, and I review to cross reference my own construct of separation and I place myself here, in focus on this living and practical reality, to sort out and follow through, to become a living practice and recitation in thought word and deed,  of realizing there are no problems and only solutions, to move out side of a narrow focus and to include all things as the practical and physical life that is around me, to forgive limitation, and expand insight of and as, to and towards this living breathing physical reality that is in plain sight.

When and as I find myself moving in fear, within and as the most subtle of movements, within and as me, I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in focus and presence of this living physical and practical reality, to reciprocate and recite a focus on the ability that is natural to be in self awareness of the physical creation that is life, in plain sight. 

When and as I find myself moving into a narrow focus as fear, as energy, as using knowledge and information to direct me, to substantiate me, as a belief, opinion and idea, I stop, I slow down and I breath, to ground myself here, to forgive myself to the life in plain sight here, as the physical. 


When and as  speak, or stand forward to recite, or direct myself into communication I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand what I am moving as, to check the movement of myself in relation to gain, to survival,  to realize where I am in fear of and as an idea of loss, or an idea of not being substantiated, as though I am not enough, which is comparing myself to an idea of and as what I should be, which is a distraction from being present and equal to this living physical reality, as such  - slow down, to realize motivations that I allow and have allowed to direct me that are in self interest, in fear, instead of realizing the illusion is fear, which I can realize as something I am believing, as such is the illusion, and therefor, I am able as the capacity of and as me as life, to have the ability to remain stable and steady in considering all things, here that are in plain sight. 



Wednesday, May 24, 2017

What is the truth? What is truth? Day 766

The process of what one does and moves as and focuses on is the process of self forgiveness. It means to realize how we move within ourselves and what effects that movement of the part as the person and what forms that person, does in this physical reality. As all parts effect the whole. The sum of the parts composes the whole. One must consider the whole and the effects one has on the whole when making a choice.

if our children are placed in a box for 13 years, on average and are told to memorize a story, is there any real practice on the whole? No, there is  a practice on a story told by observers about something, which can never be the real thing and becomes a picture about something because that is, no matter how close, never the real thing.  It is a design that is not working and because of the simplicity of the creation of practicing a non- real relationship with the whole that one is a naturally a part of, a separation from reality is the outcome. We see this in the growing ill-ness or dis-ease through the label we lend to the problem as cognitive disorders and processing disorders. Thus we have the capacity to see, we see the default and yet are so self involved from the same background, that we have no real spatial ability to see the movement of all the parts and what our effects as the choices we make, create. 

Inherent in the accepted design of our schools is the inherent separation from reality in the adults. I saw a video yesterday where a child was talking to cat, and what heard the child saying is something like, we are looking here, seeing here, we are not looking at the pictures. In walking time lines of and as how I created my own separation from reality, a memory comes up that astounds me, it was so buried and yet a part of that memory remains with me, even though I could not remember the exact memory. I was in a moment as a child, where i had realized that I had created something that was with me, that would have to process through me. I was upset about it and did not want to move through it. A pattern that has remained with me. That one thought of not wanting this to happen again, in a way developed an avoidance of interacting in ways that created the same scenario. It is a root movement into indignation, as indignation is not wanting to dig into something. Being in such a state is a constant protection, which becomes a distraction, or a lack of focus on this reality, causing a separation as so much of what is here is missed. The consequences of such a separation can only grow insecurity as so much of what is real is missed. It is a math, it is visible.

We see this on the world stage, where there is so much conflict between nations and between many factions, even down to the municipal level. We have a war for resources to reform them in the guise of good and yet the earth has become so polluted that cancer in the last decade kills more children than what was the previous number one killer of children which was by accident. In the law of compounding effects, all those supposed ‘ no significant differences’ as the choices made to practice, have accumulated and are now effecting the most innocent, destroying their life before it is even begun. 

We are using resources to form some idea about how life should be instead of realizing how life is. What did we expect when we followed stories instead of practical reality as the physical? Did it start with forcing agricultural practices that did not move in tandem with the physical? Is the whole permaculture movement about moving back to working with nature instead of forcing her into some monopolistic model, which is telling of the problem in the first place? Is monoculture the model of efficiency that we have been told, as storied information accepted and allowed to be sold to is that it is? 

If our public schools by design are a narrowing of focus into a limited narrative, then what is religion overall but a distraction of a story of information separate from the physical and practical reality. When a nation believes that some god said a land was their people’s land even thought the obvious is right in front of those people that they are all the same, they eat and defecate just like all the animals, why do we not see the delusion if information before reality?  We believe the story of information told to us, as we become the program of the information told to us, as story that is a distraction from reality, that we have made the story larger than life, even to the detriment of our children, those that have no story within them and when the resonance of the past as what was generated and accepted and allowed before them, comes up, do they understand how to recognize it, and does it too compound causing cancer coming from that past as mis-information that is a story line separate from this practical and physical reality? It is a much better and more sound explanation that any of the corpus of information sold via stories told in a box away from practical reality. 


All the conflict on this earth is the battle for the mind via mis-information, via false stories that ignore the practical and physical reality that is the means of life, that is life information. And it is right here in front of us. 

What is a truth? Try holding your breath, and see what happens. Thus the physical reality, the one thing we are allowing ourselves to be distracted from, is what is real. We are all the same. 

Monday, May 22, 2017

Confusion and fear is not enough information Day 765

I sense a weight in my cheat, that slowing becomes more and more defined as what builds and creates this presence within and as me.

The best approach at the moment, and also to solution is to acknowledge this and to stand in the practical as what lends effective movement within and as me. It is, as the best means at the moment, self focused on a lack, as that lack being something impossible to change, and yet, to stand as the change is the means towards the end of this presence as information within and as who and what I am, here.

What I am going to look at today, is how much this weight is a habit of a con-fusion of fear, as not being able to process the spin of value judgements of good and bad, that is myself in a shadow world lost to what is real, as the practical. I cannot respect myself if I allow this, this con-fusion of value judgements protecting an idea of who I am in some belief that I must have a limited set of values to define me. This a consequence of a belief that I am not enough, as perhaps starting as comparison without investigation, without regard for simply being and living as who and what I am, which has great potential to understand life, and experience the many qualities that compose life. This life is physical and all around me as me. 

I must realize that this existence is in a state of lack, which is a state of diminishment, and that what is best is not being lived, or being lived by small degree, as that same life within and as me, that motivates correction is also wanting of correction to experience life. It is balancing out, standing as being here, and realizing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed means standing up as what respects this world and how a mind consciousness of limited information is the separation from being present in this reality. 

Always in the words are the means and the correction as we tell ourselves as our projections what and who we are standing as. This is always visible in plain sight.

What I am here being and living, is standing as seeing, realizing and understanding acceptances and allowances and the means of seeing this lack and who and what I am, as life, here, which is physical.

Thus, this weight on my chest is the habit of and as the confusion of and as focusing only on a lack creating polarities of good and bad, and the way forward is to acknowledge it and change the focus of myself onto simply being here. This means standing as what is best for all, which is what is best for self. 

I notice, if I slow down and LOOK at what information flows as me, as energy, as a quick movement - in a way- as a storyline, a lot of the imaginations are of doom and gloom, worst case scenarios, fear of punishment and mistake. It is like having a haunting shadow around me as me. This is what accumulates around the top of my chest. I have to catch it, or ‘ read it’ and process it. This means taking it apart and correcting the focus of and as this onto the practical real living actions in tune with this reality, because this is what I am, and this is myself respecting all things. 

Since we are exposed to, so much media and story telling from books ONLY ( written information is not a bad) and our parents and others around us, are of the same, do we really learn to respect the natural world around and do we have examples around us who are able to do this? Perhaps animals can, more than any human. 

If one is reading a text, with information as pictures, as stories, and cannot remember what one has just read, or what someone has just said, and you can’t remember how you made the switch how are you going to read the things that distracted you from remaining present, taking in information with ease? And, do you think you are going to be able to change this in a moment when this was built over time, just like a frog placed in cold water, that when heated over time, say 50 years, or even seven, that when the water finally kills the frog - and the frog not even realizing it is being cooked to death- the people in that environment just stand there, because they believe that hot water to be NORMAL because it is all they have ever known, these people are going to be able to SEE what killed the frog? And, could someone who has continued time and time again to say the water is heating up and will kill the frog, for which all the oblivious people will say, “ conspirator!!!” , lol.  Can something like this not be realized but by deconstructing it, which means increasing one’s processing speeds because this was done through dumbing one down into a slow measure that has no sustainability and rushes like an energetic electrical burn through the body, using the flesh to project the belief that is the mis-information separate from reality? 

Birthing one’s self into real life means standing up again and again until one becomes aware of self and this world, this physical world. This means re-cognizing one’s self to reality. This means stepping out of the bubble of mis-information ( mind con-sciousness) that is a distraction through limited info, causing cognitive dissonance that is really a stagnation. 

It is like, or is, one must stand within one’s self and blow up what is zipped filed, or compressed within one’s self, as what has accumulated into a layered onion, and forgive the value judgement that is fear, and walk the correction, which is a practical application that is a state of being focused here on the physical, in reality. The elite of this world have simply used this that is accepted by the collective, to build a structure that allows them control, which is what a state of separation is constantly trying to be and do. They use our abdication of common sense of reality to do this, thus we cannot blame them. Yet we can change from separation into equality and oneness, with reality. 

What I notice about myself, in relation to this, is that the pressure in my chest, which at this point feels like a film over my chest, on the top of my chest, is a form of anger, which is fear. I notice the habit of becoming angry, in my case it comes out in a verbal form.  This is a form of disempowerment, of my own creation. I look only at the punishment of myself, as suppression, as not being present in reality, doing the real math of common sense as me, in expression. 

When I focus, and ‘ do the math’ or ‘ look at the numbers’ as the measure of what I am allowing myself to be, in relation to the principle of what is best for all as what is the best for me, is that my lower back moves with more ease. Mankind is unhappy when unfocused and happy when they are focused and present in the practical. 

Today, in relation to the present system, someone said to me, “ But that is how nations build their wealth’ This is true, yet if that wealth moves into  supporting conflict for supposed gain, driven by self interest, as a dogma of ideas, and, instead does not flow the means of what  lends stability and growth on every level, a real wealth is not being considered, and only a very limited thing as an idea that is in itself a state of separation from a common sense of the real machine as the physical. 


My physical body reveals what I am doing. If there is pressure on my chest, I am moving into fear and anger over solutions within the principle of what is best for all.  Fear is a practice of protection, which means comparison, which means judgement instead of applied practical discernment. 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Correcting cognitive dissonance A battle for the mind Day 764

The degree to which we resist to what is here, is equal to the degree in which we cling to storied information as idea, belief and opinion over practical reality.

What is practical reality but what gets things done, and mirrored in actions that work with form and function in ways that do no harm. Such means having a presence that is a focus on this reality, a physical one.

The sound that we make as the words we use, what we emit from our bodies as the instrument of the sound, either reflects presence and awareness, or the storied information of our desires wants and needs, meaning how much of this reality we ignore in the interests of what we believe will allow us to survive. Yet, we use this reality to survive, we cannot exist without it. To consider only our immediate survival without ensuring our actions care for ourselves, which is all things, is a punishment of the self. When we label an action and configure it with value judgements, to paint/sound a limited story we actually stagnate our presence into being separate, thereby making the picture of our belief larger than life and as such out of synch with this living reality.  Thus the busy-ness of chaos is done with limitation. It is a non-sustaining sound. With each spoken word that is not in consideration of all things, we diminish who and what we really are. In this all death of non-awareness is a form of suicide of the self. It is basically a math.

Not standing up to limited story, that is only a value made huge in self interest, as bringing forward a value as a quality as the nature of something is not necessarily a bad, as this is the self moving in a focus of what is here, to realize form and function, movement and expression of the physical reality.  Using label coupled with threat of being labeled as less, is a false morality.  The quality of separation is as the description suggests, it takes one’s focus away from the practical actions that respect who and what we are a physical states of being, as being would be. 

Inherent in my desire to be intellectual, manifest as wanting to collect information and knowledge is a truth as an understanding of realizing something must be known, understood, realized. REAL eyes. 

Placing myself into a consciousness of fixed knowledge and information, causes a separation from real focus on this practical living reality that is and must be physical, or formed, or manifest, or realized.

I think of all the karate movies, or stories about people who have mastered something, like having lessons with a master. They have no patience for excuse. They stand. I remember going to lessons and having a teacher simply say to me , ‘ Stop being weird.” One must get beyond the morality of being ‘ nice.’ It is really an illusion, it is to speak up about this reality in a steadfast way, even when emotional reactions scream their false reality.  People are ignorant but they are not stupid. Creating a mind consciousness of a conscious, sub conscious and unconscious mind and going to public school to practice for six hours a day being in the conscious mind only, is by design, accepted and allowed by the collective, the means of controlling information, and the movement into a suppression of one’s real capacity. After all, what is the main complaint about public schools that has been consistent since their onset? The loss of critical and creative thinking skill. Or the loss of presence in practical reality.  What do I hear from many employers? That this generation has little if no, practical skill.  That is being weird, because reality is right here in plain sight. 

If I were to say something like that, as has been said to me in lessons, and I started to cry, there should really be no sympathy beyond a certain point, because this is allowing the means of one’s loss of presence, as the only choice is to lend what brings one back to what is natural, as being present in this reality. the insights of being practical, removes the desire to cry, as a passive means of defense of one’s already accepted and allowed state of separation into a limited story of information that is in itself a self interest of idea, belief and opinion personified and made larger than reality. This is really what a master who accepts nothing other than what is presence in application is doing. They are accepting nothing other than real focus and presence in reality. Holding that is the only way to be. 

This is why depression is always a state of self interest, a state of not taking responsibility, a state of being dishonest. This is a state of not respecting life.  If this scares me, then I am in fear, and I am not present in this reality. 


Every word we speak reveals the degree to which we are being responsible as life, because we are only speaking what it is that is the focus of who and what we are, here. 

Why do I write these things out again and again and again? it is the work of, the play of, the process of and as re-scripting myself into realizing the patterns within, of self interest, of fear, and re-scripting myself equal and one to the real common sense of and as all of me, as who and what I am as a living being on a physical planet that is creation in expression, here. 



Thursday, May 18, 2017

The resonant seed of time lines of and as myself Day 763

In my thirties I realized within the discipline of playing the violin that there were interferences within my ability to focus that were getting in the way. I did not realize the depth of this, yet I did realize that being focused was the way forward at the time. 

In some unconscious way, when I found destini I joined, lent my full name, and did not turn back. For me, because of this experience,  and experiences with the white light, there was nothing else, it all made sense. 

In walking a time line of the events I allowed, as the actions as responses I lived,  I opened up a memory of myself running outside , as a child, to a tree. I go and I sit next to the tree, and I am in an emotional chaos. Why? Because I knew that I had created something that was still with me,  had created, through my actions, a presence that hovered behind me as me. I knew, as that, probably somewhere between 6 and 7 that I had created what I was running from, that was with me. It took a few time-lines to uncover this.  It has to be before the second grade, because the tree I ran to was in the place I lived before second grade. My family moved from one state to another between 1st grade and second grade. 

This memory in tandem with my experience in my thirties of realizing I had an interference of emotional memories in regards to focusing on playing, for me, make it clear that the spells we create with our words, outlining our behaviors, becoming our personalities, are of our own creation, through acceptance and allowance.  

I am also someone who has gotten good grades in school. I remember studying things and at first, with something new, it was really slow. Yet as I read, and focused on the material, it began to build within me enough that I could talk about it. I always knew when I understood the material because I felt secure in talking about it, even when it was not the whole story, as I was taking something in, in  a bubble, and regurgitating it. It had no practical relationship to reality.  It is like sitting in a room, creating shadows and then talking about the shadows, even if the information composing the shadow, has some validity.  

What is interesting, is this is all  a math. Meaning, for example, when my children were in school, I would say to them that they should do well, in all subjects in grade school, because it was all a different language.  My one son studied art in college. Yet, when he was in grade school, I would not let him become the ‘ artist’ type that only did well in art. He was required to at least grasp the basics of other subjects. Hence, even in practical terms,  I was aware that subjects were all a different language.  It is understood that when one learns one language, it is easier to learn another.  

Within this, I want to look at another aspect of all of this that i allowed to once again happen , the other night.  Background first; When I had gone back to school, there was a professor who would tap their foot at they interacted with me. I could barely hear what they were saying, at first, because all I could do was hear that tapping foot under the table. I had to pull myself together and attend to their words. Yet, that tapping foot remains as a memory, coming forward, all loud within me! lol

Two nights ago, I was talking with this woman, who had this same kind of ‘ tick’ about her. I was allowing this to upset me, and bother, me. What I did was begin to use facts. I just started listing them.  I could say, in using facts, I was protecting myself from the self accepted bother of hearing her ‘ ticks.’ Physical ticks are like static to me on the television, like when an image comes in and out.  I was really keeping myself study and stable with information. Meanwhile, in the background I was watching her ticks. lol

Physically, her body would twitch. She was trying to control this. She kept asking me questions.

What is interesting here, is that she was doing the same thing I was doing. She was using question as looking at the subject as the words as the shield to ground herself from her own resonant seed of information. I mean it is not all bad, as we do tend to realize on some levels what is going on, and attempt to organize our ordinariness accepted and allowed. 

The moment i caught myself doing this, I stopped. I summed up with words what I wanted to say, to round out and stopped. Talking in protection and defense, creating a shield against something, is allowing that thing to be huge, it ends up going nowhere.  The conversation moved towards allowing this woman to talk about herself. 

I also had interactions with a aging family member this past week. Conversations steer towards politics etc. I notice that different colors , as I call it, come forward in relation to statements made about things happening in the world, and the rest of my family. Instead of reacting, I have slowed down and brought details forward, without a gain in sight. It is more that the change cannot be expected in one moment, it is more a building of looking at all the details. lol, I would call it bringing more presence into the whole through greater detail of the parts. I have noticed, especially within my family, that over the years, some of the things i have said, about health etc. have become the vernacular in my family. For example, in my thirties I would talk about how people are shaking, vibrating, and I was laughed at, jokes about it were made etc. There either day, this very same term was used about someone my family member and myself used. 

Overall, the tensions within me, within how this all works, are of my own creation. In time, over time, the patterns of what we are allowing are visible around me, and the means are known. 

It is interesting in the media, in relation to this, especially in my Facebook feed. This week there are two posts on protests, or support gatherings. one is for the parents of autistic children to protest the Boston Herald, and another is a gathering to support Public schools.  I don’t see individual posts of groups gathering    every day, consistently. Yet these posts were on my news feed under the heading of some coalition. If I use critical literacy, and ‘ follow the money’ I wonder why these two particular posts, that appear as a grass roots group, have consistently appeared on my feed? Especially the public school support gathering in Boston. Someone has to place the posts, which means someone is paid for this, as the sites are also well put together.  lol, it is like a resonant tick in my news feed. I don’t even remember having clicked a ‘ like’ for the sudden appearance of this group. This is also a red flag, that this agency could buy the space to appear on the news feed of my FB current without my acquiescence.  I feel like neo in the Matrix!  I could be becoming a gloom and doom state of being in relation to this, yet on some levels, it is a visible occurrence and not something to react to, this tick. 

This is all more of what I learned to do in school. Taking in information, and playing with it, using it to manipulate myself, through acceptance and reaction without real grounding, without practical consideration of who and what I am, as a physical state of being. It is participating in the shadow world of knowledge and information, used to manipulate constructions that are not grounded in consideration of the reality and the practical nature of creating. What can be done, is to continue walking, continue to point out the practical, to bring forward reality, to make reality larger than the shadow world of knowledge and information lost of consideration for all things, as respect  for this living, expressing, physical reality- that one thing that is what one is distracted from, and that one thing that is owned by a few.  It is what is in plain sight, right here. 

Just as I started to see this in the discipline of self generating as playing an instrument, and just as the child of and as  me, realized I had built a shadow resonance of experience, that remained with me, even when I tried to escape and deny it, and just as I pick up, at times the ticks as the flow of presence in another, a resonance of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions,  justifying ideological wants , needs and desires, as the focus of the self as life, causing separation from reality, so must all of us see, realize and understand this.  What defines us, is who and what we are as physical life. We must ask ourselves, what it is that we allow to distract us from being practical in this reality, this consistent and living reality all around us. 


It is time to respect the physical, to live in respect of what is in plain sight, that is owned by all, as it is what enables all to exist, as shadow imposed onto the physical or as self in full focus of reality, as the gift of creation that surrounds us. It is time to get the self in focus of life, in the presence as the focus of self onto and as what and who we are as life, as the physical. 

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.