Thursday, December 29, 2016

Generating Meaning is ? Day 738

The elephant in the room, generating meaning that is separate from reality.

This morning I woke up, after reading  perspective on ‘ meaning’ generation when I realized that the elephant in the room is that very meaning generation within me, as all the societal constructs that make up the culture and my own mis-understandings. It really was myself , most probably as a child,  moving into that cultural meaning generation that divided me, that I allowed to divide me, from myself as life, that ineffable ability to move through the eye of the needle. I mean, what was I doing when I sat in a musical group and checked my own movements, then extended a sense pick-up of what the bass and the cello and the oboe, and later, into the audience was doing with myself as who and what I was and am, as that same drive to learn to crawl and to walk?

Or those moments, in this time of meaning generation visible in the cultural borders silent and hard that separate human beings from one another, based on meaning generation that are ubiquitous as a drone of sound much like the thoughts in my mind; a consequence of meaning generation from a fixed context lacking any real experience? And, as I have read, that this supposed meaning generation sets humans apart from the plants and the animals, which is actually generating the problem and counter intuitive to common sense? The meaning generation in the media, the MSM, that is a flooding of mis-information that is a story of a victor in self interest  touting  that they are generating meaning of value towards the common good.  This meaning is a time outside of the space of all things. The space of things is practical reality. The equation of information done-with-a-math of values superimposed at the exclusion of reflecting a common sense.  Sometimes a person who walked on the ground with less censure in self interest, reports real actions uncolored by agenda.  A small voice in a ceeded script usually composed of blame and spite, right and wrong, righteousness and victimhood,  punishment and salvation. How often are human rights in practical terms spoken of? Usually, that human right aid manages to get to where it was needed long ago, despite the perpetual movement of resources happening over the hill from a genocide with the same transportation needs to move that aid. It is interesting that raw resource movement  continues , and even munitions movement, seems to flow like water, and yet basic aid does not, and sanctions are used to punish. In contrast,  humans can do and move things on this earth without hinderance, it is happening all the time, thus a lack of movement is by design. I mean we are also good at all those sanctions. 

Yet this is what is happening within each of us, as we stand within our mind consciousness as meaning generators. There is every excuse as to why something is not happening, yet when compared to the actual doing, it cancels such excuses out.  Yet, that meaning generation, in  a bubble in our minds, is supposedly what makes men greater than those who lack this mis-use of the imagination, as real practical movement makes obvious. And yet, it is natural to be able to become present in reality, it was our starting point before we learned to sit at a desk in a florescent room, or stoned edifice flooded with light colored with stained glass windows telling a storied vision of what happened in the past once again written by a victor using force, moved us into generating meaning from texts that used words that in themselves were never the real thing and are a thing, and as such being weaponized, to build an idea of meaning that in itself divided us from ourselves and caused a bias, a judgement of a good and a bad, pulling us in directions of blame and spite, and separating us from being present in space, in this space, we call earth. I mean, a animal can find an owner across thousands of miles in space without reading the signs on the roads, and a man, at our present information, cannot. Our focus on meaning generation so occupies our presence, we no longer know the difference. We are scattered in meaning, generated from within alone, lacking any reference to what is real. When we die, all that is real is what lives on, and that can be but a whisp. Tiny. It is the only innocence left. If I were to grade that, like a test grade at the end of life, I would probably give it a 2 out of a hundred, that is how bad it really is.  That is how big the elephant in the room is. I mean, see if you can stand next to someone and sense the warp of space generated around a person. You know that sense of irritation that can come up around someone sometimes, that is your meaning generation bumping up against theirs. When that meaning generation resonates with another’s there is an attraction. It is like being pulled into a vortex, actually, it might be more literal than I surmise. You are screwed. 

How to reverse this? Word by word, grounding the words back into reality, learning to see and feel here, this physical and practical reality. To touch here, to live here, to repent here, right here, this moment. It is to move moment to moment, to become practical and realize we are all the same. It is to begin to be able to do what dogs do, sense the space here. I mean, go and look up accelerated learning techniques, they describe being present here, in this reality, utilizing all the senses. Our imaginations must be equal to here, to what is in plain sight, the physical. We can, just as a musician, place our presence here, embracing the organ of life, as the physical. even if there were another life, why not learn this one to the smallest degree, how awesome would that be, to really understand this creation and move with it. After all, as we can see, that meaning generation is the illusion. And it feels like one is riding in a roller coaster, bouncing all over the place, lacking any real stability, overwhelming and making one tense. How about some real stability?

In reality,  every move I make I must remain stable in my breath and constantly check with care what I am allowing within myself and realizing what is here as the physical I must re-space my presence. This will, as myself, be one less meaning generator and the movement into one more grounded presence living a calm outside of the storm composed of  a flood of limited information that is illusive distraction from a real value, this life, here, this moment, this ground.

I can begin to realize where I resist, and as that resistance, push out, from myself, an elephant in the room, where I want to manipulate in self interest,  forcing only what I want, desire, believe, instead of looking at what I want to ignore,  based on some idea, long practiced and buried behind my own self accepted generated meaning. I accepted a standard limited measure of value, and judged myself as unworthy through comparison, and then looked for something to generate another value, to have attention because I feared being hurt, as I had raced in my own curiosity about the world, and could not speak to the world of meaning generated around me because it had no real substance,  in relation to this reality, this real physical manifested life.  Lol, it is a desire to discover, to run like the wind, and yet I got caught in saying ‘ why can’t I’ and feeling trapped in not being this.  lol, it is also a sense that I am being told to calm down and wait, and this is the last thing I want to hear. After all, real value generation happens boots on the ground, leading to no dependence on any begging for help, as one is the help one’s self, as a group, standing up, really living what is best and sharing the means towards this, without missing  a beat as one stands steady in that priceless value. This army of providing a service of immense value moving as Johnny Appleseed, among other tree planters,  did, one seed at a time, creating a momentum that leads to a real and stable currency flow. The structure here, laid out, stable, as some things that have proven the test of time, need not change their basic inherent form, the problem being more of who and what one is within one’s self. It is only that elephant in the room that meaning generation that resists seeing. One must let the program go, release it to a well known form of successful stability.  I just tell myself this, as I need not rush to discover, everything is right here, the illusion is that I have to wait. After all, in this moment, nothing can be lost, thus I can forgive a fear of something not being discovered, because life is always here. I can slow down and speed up, when necessary, as ‘ knowing’ in opposition to an idea of ‘ meaning’ is right here. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

More on Bringing it Back to Self Day 737

Bringing it back to self.

I am looking at the means justifying the ends. Reviewing this.

I realize that what I aggrandize, as make huge, like an elephant in the room, is what I attend to, as focus on. Is this in self interest, as a relationship of protecting what I define myself within as who I am?

It can be such a narrow focus on a few values, where at the exclusion of all things, as a cross reference, I am lost in a tunnel vision of my own command, my own imagination, my ownership of perspective, my owned borders. Self selected programming. A lie-by-omission.

Within doom and gloom, or, worst case scenarios, I realize this is the choice, because it is always a choice, I can take an extreme, create a fantasy as a hypothetical, as hyperbole, and believe that this is the center of this universe, forgetting all that is me, practically as I am physical first and foremost- my resource -  and project this onto everything, thereby believing that what I compose in my imagination is real. I become my own constructed illusion. And, I forget who I really am, I no longer ‘ know thy self’ and as a consequence am in a distraction, a business of limited insight. 

This causes conflict with my real self. This manifests as friction, or a clash with reality. This separation is colored by a belief that I am a superman, and why does no one else see this? I ask myself in my ego, my idealistic self.

I abandoned my own self worth, as me, as all of me, as the organism that allows me expression. When I am calm and problem solve, with effective actions, my whole temper is more insightful and connected to reality. I quantify greater measures of information,  and move with greater practicality, instead of projecting a myopic story of blame as only seeing a default, often something unkempt that I fear becoming. I end up using fantasy, as a worst case scenario to justify rejecting something instead of realizing what is an innate capacity to compose. Meaning, an innate capacity to see correction via problem solving within practical outlined steps of what builds a constancy that does no harm. This means standing up through my own mental projections and grounding myself in this reality. I mean, in all common sense, what are the elements of a garden growing? The simplicity is astounding and very cool. 

I am looking at the idea - because this is words on a page- of ‘ know thyself.’  I will place this next to the idea of a superman, so-called ‘ master of industry.’  Knowing self is powerful, it is knowing who and what one is, which is to acknowledge the physical world, and the practical steps necessary in real time, within completing a task. This would lead to effective action, and thus success, especially in a world where so many do not reference themselves because of a distraction into a heaven ideal. And yet, to know thyself means being practical, leading to becoming super effective. Somehow, becoming super effective has been made fantasy as the idea of a superman, which technological media can make appear to be real, causing a imaginative picture show of the possibility of great feats in physical time. Here, one is caught in a distraction so easy to quickly play out in the imagination getting a sense of being good, a chemical high and nothing else. Thus, a myopic focus, that happens in a quantum moment, becoming every moment. This is a de-manning ( demon) of self, sending a tie-me/ time dream elevated up there in the mind, un grounding the presence in reality. Thus, the equation of a truth, to pull one in, and a dream to tie one down in a fantasy that by design is a separation from real power, as that simple act of knowing the real score as self as a physical self, where things get done in real space.  The imaginative hyperbole is used after a truthful statement filled with promise, draws one in. This weakens the heart, or the essence of self. It is an imperfect practice of and as the instrument of life as the physical self.

So-called ‘ masters of industry’ simply practice real organization of the organ as the physical, meaning the resources of this earth, into industry, meaning they order the physical and real organ. Yet, unless they do so, ensuring no harm to any living thing, they too are not completely grounded in reality.  All the degrees of separation as each human as the degree of separation from practical physical reality,  can cause a competition that consists of following a dream that has been allowed to be larger-than-life as a focus that is different yet same, by subtle degree , as that equation of a truth coupled with a fantasy. That fantasy composed of inflamed values that are actions of excluding practical values that exist in balance in physical symbiotic nature, this earth. Even this earth at the moment, is less than its potential, as the very waters of existence are not evenly distributed in a balanced and effective act of sustaining what is here. Have a look, do we not use water to balance temperature, is this means not constructed? Yet, this may be too big of a jump, myself using hyperbole that may have some truth.  I am the product of such a system, I have to practice being simple and stop the holywood game within me. 

We may organize something in our daily lives. For example, I may, and have done this, rearrange my furniture after living in a home for a while. One day, I assess my home and have a ‘ vision’ of  changing the furniture arrangement. I assess it, imagine it ( okay- and correct use of the imagination) and move to physically rearrange. I may even change up the idea, and change the change as I move through the practical action of my idea/image. Afterwards, I stand and look at my re-creation and have a sense of satisfaction of ‘ pride’ in my capacity to do, even when on a simple scale such as this. I have become a ‘ master’ of my own industry within the dimensions of where I am at. I can enjoy this moment, without aggrandizing it, using it to make myself ‘ more’ than another, etc.. It is a simple act that I took to improve the space in which I live. 

In another dimension, I may have decided to take care of what I have as refurbish it, rearrange it to allow an environment of greater ease, as a solution, instead of going out and purchasing a whole new set of furniture because I have an idea that this is a solution, and because, to some degree, all-new-things, is somehow more fashionable, as it would be, in a consumerist society. I have had a sense that simply caring for what I have and rearranging it, is somehow counter intuitive to supporting this society. Thus, my pride as the simple self action, is colored with some guilt, a strange mix within me. Yet, that is the point of the ‘ superman’ layered story of colored, or polarized values, as such things so readily happen within me.  I forget enjoyment of the simple action of organizing as being present with what is here.  That pull into an extreme, as using a value judgement formulated without regard for effective and harmless actions that are enjoying a moment only, are impulsing me away from practicality and respect for the physical world that functions in simple terms. This pull into an idea of value, in my imagination, can go both ways, into a negative self definition or a positive self definition, either/or not realizing the simple enjoyment of organizing an organism as the physical. This physical being the means of everything I am.  Hard to see such simplicity with an overblown imagination moving counter to an innate ability to be the practice of  common sense. 

Thus, our ‘ masters of industry’ simply have a greater focus on the practical, and some can say, the means to move things around in the greater whole, which is why, resource acquisition is what our labor supports, even in giving to a church, that very standard of distracting through inner scaffolding, or scripting of information towards a belief in some greater life after this real life, this physical life, a life that would be creation, because being physical is creation manifest.  The thing we put energy into, as fighting, for resource, is revelatory of what is most real, as the physical. The time we spend as ideas, as stories of information in our imaginations, a quick and fast moving story where we live success in an instant, creating a false pride, is a mis-use of ourselves as life. It is that what we are, is so out of balance, and so habituated, the means using pieces of who and what we are, is so right in front of us, we will be astounded that we never saw this. Hopefully, it will happen before it is too late. There is a point of no return, a cancel of real life, as what cancer is and does.  

The solution is to breath, to slow way down and begin to see the patterns of deception, the patterns of de-ce-ption, the patterns of imagination superimposed on reality as an inner scaffold of ideas that is a bias made of aggrandized values in both directions, the bad and the good, as the negative that moves into a positive - the positive being a double consistently-practiced negative which is a giving up of self into the imagination. With moving focus into breathing, one begins to build a greater sense of self in relation to the whole of this reality. Then, is the work that turns into play, as sorting this all out and birthing self back into what is more natural, reordering the self, re-organizing the self - back into, and away from a scattered through a lie-by-omission self smothered in imagination as a false script filled with truths and colored with extremes - equal and one to what is the real universe, as the physical, where real creation happens. 

Real mastery is the realization that there are no masters, and there are no slaves. Real mastery respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This is done right here, in the moment.  Use your imagination correctly, imagine walking down any street, through any wood, over any bridge, and having the space to admire this creation being in an effective and supportive and expansive order, where all children can walk wherever they want, without fear and with an open mind, learning to create, taking that which is good and does no harm. Is this not what we all want. Listen for it, it is there, it is under the illusion, and it is what we all desire. Slow down and breath. No one can do this, it takes all of us. The means is within us, each and every one. All the kings men, and all the king’s horses cannot put us back together again, What is cool is that it is natural for us to do this. 

Monday, December 26, 2016

The FUNdamentals Day 736

The FUNdamentals

I am physical, a human being. I am this foundation, this FUNdament. The basis of who and what I am is physical. This is what is real and what I see every day, this is what is the fundamental foundation of who and what I am.

This is what i am before any religion or political party, or nation, or culture defines who and what I am.  ThIs is what I am before I know my name. This is what I focus on before I can speak. This is what I am, as the cells building in the womb, before I can re-cognize myself. This is what I am before a thought, or a feeling, as I must be this fundamentally before I can sense this world, that which I am as I am composed of the same things. This is the means of my expression and my opportunity to become equal and one with creation. If I move, or direct myself here, as this physical earth, without doing the math of here, without considering all things, what am I regarding, as what else is there to regard other than all things that are here that are me, the same as me, as being of the same means of expression as the physical as me? 

What I  move in as a self interest of little practice in considering my actions based on some idea that exists only within me that has not cross referenced this reality,  which becomes by design a bias to here, as what I am as thought, feelings and emotions, generated within a mind consciousness  as ideas, beliefs and opinions, stepping outside of a natural ability to regard, as realizing the consequences of my actions to all things, as what is around me is what is natural and therefor pure and simple.  When I lack a consideration of this world, I accept a belief that I am more than what is me, around me and instead I move as something I have allowed to generate within as an entity that has no real grounded stability to this creation, as this physical reality.  That within is a bias, a moving entity of limited pictures, of limited insight, racing and spinning in its false narrative, its composition of charged information, like a ghost that can only be of my past, that when I allow to be/define the soul/sole directive of me, is something that I project and thus appear to race towards thereby only compounding the separation of me, from remembering me to who and what I am as a physical being. It is a bubble of my own creation through acceptance and allowance, generated by me, allowed through my own will, to determine my actions, all in separation from being here, having fun within the fundamentals, the physical. Within this, realizing the smallest of things is the means to the end, it is to become the master of myself, here, remembering the physical as fundamental to who and what I am here.

What is the gap between my natural common sense and the shift into a mind consciousness that is a rush for a false narrative that is at- tense-tion that can be felt by me as the physical through my physical body as the muscles that are me here, a composition of cells filled with a composition of specified cells that are surrounded by water that as a substance can feel the slightest of pressures, as even those thoughts, emotions and feelings moving through me, of changed energy, that acts in a racing movement, towards some idea of a more, based on a past as idea that is in essence a bias to this practical and physical opportunity to be and express as life, as a physical form. As this, the entity as me, as a soul, a story,  if looked upon is filled with value judgements as culture, as this over all accepted and allowed disregard for life that becomes a compound that is of energy, rigged through acceptance of false narratives/frameworks/scaffolds of information, composed of ideas within me, embedded in the flesh as the very hard-drive as me, that is the ultimate separation causing a rape of this physical means of expression, as a transfiguration that lacks grace and respect and gentle transformation of myself, as this graceful transformation is a birth into becoming the master of what it means to build a life of balance and gracefulness that is a fluid, constant, connected movement that must use considering all things, moving moment to moment that will not move as resistance in actions, as it must move in acceptance of all things, embracing  the physical the real narrative of awareness.  
I am the director of my will, what I focus upon is what I accept, thus when a narrow focus is what I allow to define me, through ignorance of remembering myself to all things, I can blame no one but me, to do so is to spite what and who I am, as the physical which is the fundamental of me here. 

The trees are me, the oceans, the salt in the oceans, the soils, the substance of the soils, what I allow, as perspective, of these building blocks that are the same as me, is what determines a composition of this physical world, a world that exists as me, as the collective forms that are here, that is this reality, that is a technology unsurpassed except by an idea of playing god. An idea that is in itself, as a starting point, a false take on reality, as the physical is equal in all manifested creation, as this is the fundamental value as the very means of expression, thus no one point can be more than another.  Thus a construction that forces change, without  agreement from a starting point of awareness of all function and means, as the physical, is already an im(age/time)-position of a false and projected purpose and therefor a soul ( that is a sole purpose) instead of an equal and one connection with a pure/CURE-ated awareness of being in tune with the means of who and what I am as the physical. This is why, the false narrative, all charged up and spinning, is composed of limited ideas, and becomes a bias on reality, that swirls like a running train, spiraling into a bubble, that separates one’s presence from what is fundamental and what was always here, as a self in focus of the physical world here at birth. This physical world, being what is real, as a focus here, on this, is to respect and remember all things as who and what I am/will as the physical world. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a mind consciousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a con-science of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions, to mind who and what I am, as I follow my own mis-use of creation, composed of limitations, as non-recognition of all things that are me as the physical, as this earth, that is the same as my heart, this hearth, as the very sounds as the letters reflect.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that gap between myself as equal and one as the physical and the narrow framework of belief, idea and opinion as the mind, so visible within and as the very actions, as deeds I accept to direct me, here  in this physical reality.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to move within and as the fundamentals of who and what I am here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not play in tune with the physical, to move in common sense of what and who I am, that is the same as me, and all around me, as the physical.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to move with regard to life, as that which is all around me and the same as me, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and breath, to step out of a mind consciousness composed of value judgements made larger than the practical measure of this physical reality, that is the greatest technology as it is the means of life, that move organically through a seed of information, curled up into a ball, that then is a blueprint of expansion, as giving the means to expression and transformation, as flexibility with every breath, with every cross reference, as feeling this actual real physical movement of and as life, as this earth, that is of the same fundamental building blocks as me, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that mis-takes, are simply a cognitive dissonance from a respect of all things as this reality, as this physical reality that is of the same as me, equal and one, as the means of understanding and moving in awareness of the fundamentals, remembering the starting point of movement, as breath, as the means to sense here, as in considering all things, as all things are me, here, as the fundamental composition of the building blocks of life, is the same in all the physical -this verified means that is constant and stable around us, especially when self directed as what is the fundamental  essence of all things as expression, as creation, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to exist as the real library, the real LIBeration AIRy as the very means of sensing here, as breath, to air-in as breath-in a reflection, as a respect, as a reciprocity to what is me, as the very same as me, as the fundamental building blocks of the physical, to embrace and respect, and become sELF hONEst to and as what is the same as me, as this physical world, as in breath, I slow down and reMEMBER who and what I am, to realize the sole purpose as the means of creation as the fundamental building blocks of this life that is creation in manifestation here as physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the patterns of my separation as thoughts, composed of comparison, a form of judgement with a charge, when moving as an imagination within and as me, a secret mind, as a consciousness built of ideas about who and what I am, that I hide, to not show the shame, the sham of me, as myself not allowing and accepting myself to realize the fundamental of me as the physical, where all things are me in another life here, thus, the competition, of me, as thoughts and back chats and chatter in and as my mind, is of my own acceptance and allowance, and a decomposed self of limited ideas, that spin me out of self control as who and what I am as life, a distraction of mis-information that separates me from this living reality, as the physical, the consequence of this visible in the loss of presence to here, the awareness of space here, and thus the loss of a natural ability to sense here, and self direct here, to the point where I lose a self directive capacity to walk on this ground, on this earth, as I become the mess- age that is a false narrative of belief, opinions and ideas, within and as me that is a separation from respect and regard for who and what I am, as I am a me-ssage, an organic capacity to sound a respect and insight- as an expanding awareness - of this reality, of this physical world, to work in union, in tune with, in sight-essence of, as the physical here as this is the gift ( giving foot to, as stepping here in respect and awareness) of life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to entertain myself with what-if’s and fear of loss stories of information that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus upon within and as me as idea, to seed a story spinning the self of and as me, out of control of who and what I am, as the fundamental that is me, and equal to me, as who and what I am as life, as breath, as the means of becoming a master of self, realizing that this physical reality, as all things here of this earth, is me, and the means of my expression, able to move in ways that do no harm, and by design, as breath, to consider all things, taking that which is good as that which realizes there are no problem only solution here, which means grounding myself, my focus, to the practical, that being the use of a natural ability to common sense this earth, this hearth, this with heart of me, as who and what I fundamentally am as life as the physical.

When and as I find myself allowing and accepting confusion, I stop, and I breath and I slow myself down, and I adapt to time, realizing nothing can define who and what I am, as I have endless patience, as who and what I am, to realize in every breath, a common sense of here, to change and adapt as nothing can be lost, but within my imagination, as life is fundamentally here, as creation, the potential to realize the only choice is equality and oneness with who and what I am as the physical manifest as this earth, here.

When and as I find myself becoming confused I see realize and understand that I am moving from common sense into a mind consciousness of my own acceptance and allowance, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to realize myself self worth as life, to respect what is the same in me, that is in all things, as the fundamental  symbiotic nature of the physical of this earth, where all things are of the same essence of and as life, as the very substance of the  physical.
When and as I find myself exiting in conflict, as tension, as what I attend to, as focus upon, I stop and I breath, and I adapt, seeing realizing and understanding there is no competition, as in space and time, I am of the same substance, as all things, and  as this, can create, to experience life information, this there is no rush as an idea of a more is an illusion, as I am here, in expression as self directed movement of and as the means of life, in essence.

When and a s i find myself fearing a loss of something, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I am one and equal with all things, as I am the same, which is life, and that the fundamentals of who and what I am is the means to experience all things, thus what I am in a moment here, can with careful practice realize expression, of and as life, being grateful for the life around me that is me, to ground myself here.

When and as I find myself reacting, as resistance, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand what I accept as attend to, as allow a self interest as idea within me, as a mind consciousness to have attention onto, as forcing attention onto, to see my own self interest, as a belief in special interests of and as me,  I stop and I breath and I slow myself to, to sense my physical body, to realize the information that I have accepted and allowed to become me, within a belief that what I believe is a more, I stop and i breath, and I slow myself down, to see realize and understand the practical, living moment to moment, to see the consequence of time and space here, within and without, above and below, to become a practice of being grounded, here, to realize the me-sage of experience, to become an expression of life as a common sense of reality, as the practice of self worth equal and one to the fundamentals of what is here, this earth, this hearth, this heart. 

When and as I find myself moving into righteousness, as a tension, as a belief of a more or a holding onto within fear of loss, as a false narrative of self interest, n and as a secret mind of self hate, based on a morality of fear, as a lack of insight into accepting my own self worth of and as life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I read/reed the sound of common sense, as a respect to the practical, living solutions as saluting this life, this physical world as this is respecting all things, as all things are equal and one as me, fundamentally physically the same, as this is the real starting point of life in expression, withstanding the test of time, as this remains constant, under the many false narratives of ideas, beliefs and opinions as ‘ isms’ that have reigned down, as knowledge and information, as what is real, is here, right in front of me as the space of the constant physical cycle of life, organic and expressice, adaptable and creating, as the physical is creation in-formation.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Teach Talking as the Education of Experience Day 735

I played music for so long that I got to the point where when a mistake happened it meant correcting something, that is all.  There was no one to blame only the correction to make.

I remember a stand partner, who rushed at a certain point and myself becoming irritated because of this rushing. I could hear how the section was practiced. This player, who was capable, played the section as though it were an exercise. Within this, it means the group was no longer the connection, it was a meter and a line directing the player, without sensing the greater movement of the group. Thus, this stand partner was always a little ahead of the group movement. For me this meant having something else to listen to, the group’s rhythm and her rhythm. It is standing in a space with movement and there are conflicting movements happening. So that I do not become my stand partners ‘ meter in a space’ I had to listen past this player to remain grounded in the movement of the whole musical group.  My thought, laced with irritation, was that rushing through a section because one is either afraid of it, or does not really know it well enough (same thing) is not fun, lol, is not fundamental, meaning is not remaining grounded, as in listening to the whole and moving with it.  I also thought that this partner probably did not have the time to practice the piece, as the money paid for performing with this group, was not enough to allow that more careful practice. 

This stand partner probably had too many other things to do in the name of survival.  I know that because one can be asked to perform, and the idea of a payment that includes the time it takes to get musicians together to practice, is something that appears to not be in the awareness of the entities paying to have a performance, they do not seem to remember all the background time spent getting to a point where a person, and especially a group, comes together to make the desired music requested! So many times, I simply sight read themusic, yet, could hear that a greater intimacy and expression could be what was presented if there were but one or even two rehearsals. Everything starts to become a rush job, which ends up compounding over time, into such things as I experienced, as a stand partner who rushes in a certain section, no longer caring, just wanting to get through, even though, this person was probably aware of this, and did the best they could. They were uncomfortable afterwards, a subtle tension happening, which indicates a sense of not being in sync. We are, very aware, and very capable, we know what we do. We hear the backlash of justifications that are like a post balancing act to excuse our actions. This overall, reveals the means to correction is inherent in us at all times. We must become the living math of creation, accepting nothing but what balances us in being present in real time, with here, on this earth. This earth is the real orchestrated creation, capable of balancing itself out, to remain in harmony. lol, remain embracing here, or, wrapping our arms around here. Here is the ‘ oneness’ another word within the word harmony. The ‘y’ being an ‘ i’ as though we are individual and yet one at the same time. 

My point here, is reacting with irritation, is self interest and the projection of blame. In this case being annoyed that I have to counter movement with my stand partner, I have to listen to them and the whole, and remain balanced, where it would be more natural for us to move together, more pleasing, as I have had this experience too. Being in synch with the neighboring musician is fun. The being in synch is fundamental and thus more grounded. That feels more stable than countering movements. That I allow a countering movement to disturb me, where I react,  is not standing in stability. I should know enough, within experience, to know that listening and remaining stable, within the whole, is a greater state, as it often is then followed, and movements will naturally rebalance in space. Thus, reaction only fuels the fire of imbalance.

This brings me to the point of facing resistances, which are really only ‘ not having the whole story’ or a lack of addressing limitations. It is like getting stuck in a meter, or a measure, as an idea, or the consequence of such practice, as in not being up to a speed of considering some aspects.  In this, one is leaving a part of one’s self behind and enetering a bubble of contrasting beats lacking connection to the whole. This separation in turn will be the voice, will be the seeming resistance, and the ensuing justifications will reverberate, just as they have within myself, and as a tension between two people. as that justification happens in silence, yet is present in the space. With my stand partner, it meant a couple of rehearsals where we did not speak to one another, as though we were hiding that past, it being too close to the moment and thus remembered. Things like this happen a lot within the inherent intimacy of playing an instrument, where the body is so focused on time and space. One cannot hide. After all, we have a saying in music that if one can hear the player thinking, they do not really know the piece. One plays in such a way, that the listener cannot hear the thinking. 

My point here, is that the state of not being connected, in any given situation, will cause the storm of separation, as all the justifications and beliefs come forward. There is no escaping it.  The solution is to never react, as I did with irritation, it only fuels the fire. I must expect the limitations, not allow them to irritate me, and to the best of my ability, listen to what is here, and ground myself within that, telling the real story, bringing it back to myself, as who and what I am as a physical being, here.  

I said something yesterday in the presence of two other people. Immediately there was a reaction.  The one person that reacted, did not speak, they simply made a grunting noise. lol.  I wanted the person to speak up, yet, in some ways they could not.  They needed more information before speaking up. For me, it is allowing such things to happen not expecting them or resisting them, as in so many ways I am in an orchestrated set body of information that has lost its connection to the whole. Thus, every move is grounding myself no matter what. This means, bringing it back to self/
What precipitated this blog is a message written by one of our autistic children. 


Here is the link to the video:

It is that statement of “ daring each person to walk in silence ( and ) for people to use EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. 
Then, to place this statement into “ teach talking” is astounding, as it means, for me, that this woman is saying to only speak, to only talk, from real experience. It suggests for me, that this autistic person is saying that there is too much speaking about things that one has no real experience with and as, This means that we all talk within speaking memorized theories about things, which have no real substance, and thus, cannot really be heard because there is no real understanding. This means so few speak or move from being present, from experience, from real living. This child realizes that few are really listening, few are hearing the silence, to then speak in consideration of what is here, what is real. She is saying, for me, that speaking from real experience has much greater substance, and thus meaning, and that without this, life is very difficult. 

Within this, I realize that when I bring whatever information comes towards me, back to self, back to my living experiences, as practical things I have done, I can tell a real story, one that has greater meaning in that it can be shared and given, as real solutions, even within grounding my own mistakes from speaking as theory before real experience. To do this often means listening to myself and what it means to practice being here, in this reality, on this earth. 

In terms of my experiences within music, instead of blaming and spiting, it is to realize how the present system influences outcomes, and to not become irritated, to remain as much as possible within being grounded and stable, to the point where I ‘ teach talking’ through an educing, or education ( of) experience opposed to theory- as something I memorized or lived within my imagination only, without real practical application.  With my stand partner, it might have been to say something like, ‘ I sometimes have to become more mechanical than present, because I do not always have the time to practice a section because I am so busy making a living” Such a statement might not allow the space to change this, immediately, yet it will not inflame a situation. Instead it will bring in more compassion, a compass of understanding that in turn creates a more peaceful environment that then causes less tension, opening more space to process this reality. This would change the very nature of the next time a passage comes along that is not integrated as well as one would want, and be played in such a way that there is more awareness of the self in relation to the surroundings, and what then is played, is a ‘ talking’ that is more aware of a real experience. Often such insight opening, in itself, begins a self correction because there is more space and time, than we are aware of when lost in reactions, to live a real change into being more aware, present and grounded. It is in this space that corrections are made, are lived. 

Thus, when I talk, when I speak, I bring it back to myself, and I fear nothing, because I am here. I can educate through a talk that is of experience rather than theory. I can cross reference what is real, what has a meaning grounded in practice, in experience. This does not irritate, this grounds. This has not the clutter of an imagination of ideas about things, memorized, without real practice, this has a greater substance, and that is what really educates a person. This is sharing real experience, practical living experience.  Of course, this child admits that so many are not listening, and instead  talking theory instead of reality. This is what is here, thus reactions and the scream of theory, and the justifications for this theory are all around us, meaning that scream of limitation is going to happen, nothing to take personally, and not something that can define who and what I am. Will I make mistakes, as I am a product of this present system, yes. Well, I did not learn to crawl and to walk, or to play the violin without making mistakes. I am the only person that decides who and what I am, no one else can do that for me. I can become more grounded here, in this living reality. This is who and what I really am. 

Friday, December 9, 2016

The Starting point is the ending point, morality and the holographic of memory Day 735

The starting point is the ending point, morality and Facing holographics of memory.

I notice that at times, processing what I have accepted and allowed as a math, as a measure as a form, memorized within and as who and what I have accepted myself to allow myself to be, as a projection of values, some call morality, ahead of myself through my head, a bubble shrouding a natural ability to sense here, this reality, moves like a molasses in processing this ghost in the machine of myself as a hued-man, is focus in separation from the gift of life, here, this earth. It can so easily move into knowledge and information. Yet this is where I am as I process m¥ own separation and breath myself back into being present in the physical. It is interesting, because a greater pattern recognition comes forward, and yet, I am still not present, because this has not been lived, for eons, thus I cannot assume I am done. In so many ways, it is a process that is never done, as it is learning to be self forgiving, in every moment, moving into recognition of myself as all that is around me as the physical. 

I have not reconciled facing the storm of separation, around me, as others,  and yet, a rejection of this reality is always a self hate. It is a rejecting of what is resisted, and since life is always here, that resistance will persist until what is rejected, through projection, as unresolved acceptance, is the very substance of life, giving itself as how life works, ever present and never ending. Life is eternal, that which is eternal.

I must realize that in standing up, what will happen, as our present system, will be the voice of separation. That voice is a morality in separation from practical common sense. I somehow want this to magically go away, yet this reveals a resistance within myself. I am not embracing what is here, thus I am that of which I speak, in a state of morality in separation from life. My starting point is still hued with fear, when I as life am capable of processing the math, the divide, of closing the gap, and creating a current of life moving between the banks of belief, opinion and idea. 

The separation is only an apparition, and no apparition can define who and what I am unless I accept and allow it. For example, if I point out hurt and damage, instead of solution, as there are no problems and only solutions, I am focused on the lack and not equal to it, as being equal to something is not only seeing he limitation, but also realizing the movement, as words, as sequences of steps, that lead to a balance. That balance creates an open window into the ineffable grace and gentleness of sounding what imparts a willingness to take the reigns of being a self willed equal with all things. Here, I even notice myself becoming knowledge and information. 

I cannot fear facing separation into a morality, As this morality is simply a form, a simulation of measure, of belief. It is one of those things that once it is understood in practice, or enough to be a consistent practice, a realization with hindsight, will be a state of ‘ Why did I not see this?” And then the shame, and the realization of the damage one allowed within allowing a morality of self interest without consideration of all things.

I am avoiding facing the storm, taking back my joy, as a sense that I am not allowed to be joyful. I am not allowed to play. I am supposed to work on the false technology of playing god so evident in what is a commerce of informed consent that offer products that by design suppress a natural sense of space and time, of and as who and what I am as life, here.

Yet, with practice, a little every day, what accumulates if a greater sense of walking mis-information and a mis-use of the imagination back into respecting this physical reality all around me. Those subtle and ineffable tiny movements, that appear to not have any significant difference, build, just as they do within a mis-use of who and what I am, the reverse is also the same. Thus, I am in a process of reversing a false positive, a limited morality that cannot materialize because it has not real sustainability in what supports and considers all things- and that is always here, as it is the real platform of life, the physical. It tells its story, sings it, as a math, as a song, all around me, I need only listen, and even this through a static that is really loud in some moments when I am calm and quiet. So, I walk back into being present, facing the storm, crying when I really want to express joy, because somehow I have turned joy into a suppression within myself, as though this is not allowed- even when right in front of me, a moment of not hating, of not resisting, of accepting separation as well as solution, is something I am capable of, and deserving of, because I am life. 

The simplicity of the smallest of movements, that how such tiny movements of self correction into self forgiveness, are the beads of joy that can create a river, if I can forgive the shame for not having realized such a thing. The practice, of self correcting, with the very smallest of things, as words, to focus myself outside of my accepted and allowed holographic-ed morality, to rebuild, realizing the living value of each measure as each word, can be tiny movements of joy, of re-scripting the very sound of and as me, that I can in what is seemingly of no significance, rebuild an equality to life, instead of an elephant in the room that can lead to a death of a life never really lived, such as hanging from a rope in an attic, leaving the most precious of things behind as a child of life, a breath of life, within and without. The false morality, filled with the pain of hate, suppressing a natural gentleness within, that morality consuming the presence of life in that person, there is no way this can continue, none.  It is realizing that a court uses verbs to create a fiction, an area of no go zone because it is a box of a false use of imagination, instead of focusing on the consequence of such forms. It is to take that which is good to show because pointing out the lack is another form of fear tactics which is wanting control more than building self willed equals. It is showing how ego can take a good and create a circus show, all eyes on the display of magic instead of following through and using what is discovered to suppress for the benefit of all things.  It is like a librarian holding onto a library, and wanting to control the information of separation, when that in itself must be forgiven, as the real library is the physical world all around us, the greatest technology, as it is the technology of life. it is to focus on what is good and does no harm, to have faith in this.  Such an act of pointing out the limitation would be the suppression of one’s joy within, that suppression causing a lot of pain. 

I suppress myself when I fear facing the false morality around me. The storm must be faced, and it needs be feared. 

The way out , as I see it in this moment, is to follow the joy within, to remind of the medicine taken in small tiny doses, as realizing the joy of self correction in grounding words back into a living word that recognizes the physical world with every movement, to script one’s self back into life, back into the real starting point as being a living presence, with full spatial skill, here. That would mean that life would increase in value, and awareness though out life. That would mean there would not be death, only the transformation into life, here.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Learning step by step to redress a limited morality Day 733

This week I had conversation with people in very different positions in this world. I have learned to become quiet and listen with greater ease. Meaning instead of reacting I listen, to hear the forms, to see the ‘ numbers’ placed before me, as the measure of the information.  

I have two memories coming up recently. One recent and one from my childhood.  

The first is while I am working in a  school. There is a boy in the room, it is a remediation , or invention class. This boy is behind in his ability to read and process information. The teacher comes and asks the boy why he signed up for a class that he knows he can only take once- as the boy has already had this class. The boy then moves this into a conversation as to why he can only take the class once. The teacher responding. After the boy leaves, this teacher gets on the phone and goes through the whole conversation again with a colleague.  I watch all of this, somehow it is a time frame of busyness that is a comfort zone, a distraction. The boy, so isolated from his peer group, grasps as moments of verbal interaction, to have something to live. He knows he cannot repeat that special class that is popular. The teacher joining in the topic to engage the child, and using the topic to fill the space and entertain, because real problem solving as processing information is not happening and it is the problem.  Ironic that the mechanics used are the thing needing greater definition, greater self reflection within what one lives in real space as what one expresses, as a math that has no real direct seeing movement. It is like an elongated song, a math, imposed on being grounded in this reality.  It is like a bubble of drama, or draw-me, imposed on the space that is a self seeking connection yet the connection is a false positive, as engagement is a fundamental drive. Yet this drama, done with words and values, is sidestepping a real awesomeness of being present in all that is here, as the physical.  It is, by default, a comfort zone melody/math/soap opera filled with good intentions, yet missing the mark, not seeing itself as a separation from the capacity of itself to see the distraction it is by the very nature of a lack of presence in real space. 

This also happened with talking to a friend. This person has had one of the best educations our country provides. She has attended the best schools.  We were talking about history, when she made a statement that I have heard and could see the accepted logic of in relation to ideas about changes in time away from what is considered being spiritual. It was a statement that science caused a loss of spirituality. When this statement was made, I countered it by saying that this could be said of any change as recorded and voiced by our system. This naturally caused a lot of friction and I had to stop, listen and allow the rant of defensive for platitudes to play itself out.  I checked myself even when it was said that I had to be righteous at the end of the response my words elicited. I even agreed that I had been righteous, and that what was said was a standard  formula that was stated. Naturally this brought on more reaction. Yet, as she spoke, to some extent, she travelled through time and realize the pattern, that it could be said that there were other periods where the same argument was made that a subsequent period created a loss of something. Overall, this was a play out of knowledge and information memorized, a standard hi/high- story ( a supposed morality) of information constantly circumnavigating practical and grounded application in real space and time, in common sense of what and who we are as physical beings here.  

Even to see this, and not be as reactive towards these songs, these maths, these measure of information, took some time. Standing up to the very morality of this, meaning to speak up counter to it, even if that meant calling out patterns, knowing this would elicit reactions, I allowed to cause a lot of fear. This fear manifested as myself feeling like I was losing something. Physically I would become, just like the feeling of fear, loopy and ungrounded, like I was in a soup, losing ground.  I feared that I was going to be cast out, rejected, because I did not know, as agree with the formula, the accepted formula. Meanwhile, when this did happen, I was always here, it was only an idea within me, the loopyness myself, in a way, liquifying everything I believed as spoke as allowed, moving into a spin, a deconstruction of the information as me. I would acquiesce to not lose the relationship, for various reasons that were more of idea than anything real. What is interesting is that when I was more simple and more practical, and relaxed, as in caring but not that much, the drama stopped.  In this situation, I could see the remnants of my own fear playing out, and within the rant of justification for a standard belief, a process of self discovery as the math, as the equation of events made belief were made verbal. As the realization of a pattern via justifying the standard pattern was seen, there was an immediate movement into value judgements , this some call hyperbole.  It is that formulaic design I have seen in those blogs written by trolls, where a truth is stated and then moves into the fear tactics of value judgement, a kind of mendacious gossip that is the pulling forward of a value judgement and then suggesting worst case sceanrios. It all can appear to move like a horror show as it triggers any fears within one, and keeps one riding in an illusion that is held in place by a lack of processing what is allowed as informed that has no real relationship to practical reality. For me, moving through a morality of and as an idea that pushing against this in any way, was taboo, was mean, meant a certain rejection by the establishment. Somehow, the opposite is true, which I have found when being patient, allowing the scream of limited information to play itself out, to move into discovery or the formulaic play-out of trolling, as name calling being a distraction from that moment of realizing a pattern that would mean re-evaluating everything one had defined one's self as. 

This sense of feeling like a liquid inside myself, triggering the second memory, I am in elementary school, and suddenly the wods around me are changing, and they change from some value form, I don't remember, to the point I remember, as being this liquid thing that falls apart and reforms. In the memory, I do not react with the sense of losing ground that I have experienced as an adult. I suppose because as a child, I was still grounded in the physical to a greater degree than I have allowed myself to be as an adult. 

Interesting that I am writing this, because I have asked myself in this process where that point of separation from being focused in common sense, happens. This because I have asked question about being in a situation where I, be it imagination or a micro second in seeing through a veil, managed to see a different world perspective than what I was lost in as that information I spun in that changed in a moment for which it appeared to me that I had no control over. I wanted to see the sequences of change from one to the other. The leaps of  change happening too fast for me to process.  I suppose some tiny part of me understood that I am in a smoke and mirrors show, the ghost of which terrified me, and lead to asking the question " Where is life? It must be here, it has to be here, where is it?" 

As I learn to assess in living space what is happening around me, and I begin to realize a false morality in practice, I move into shame, and a sense of impossibility at clearing all of this up. there is a point of wanting to cry that circles around as I move through the sequences of my own experience, of my own experiences from my life. I would say the hardest from within my relationship to all of this at this point, is no longer fearing to move through an acepted and limited morality.  That being to face and address the standard line of information. This being a justification, that a method of operation, that is formulaic. Ironically, this a means that lead to a greater seeing or realizing of these patterns was through slowing down and processing the information, not fearing to lose something, as having a faith that somehow life is here, all around me, as it has to be, because life will. I would pick myself up, like a slow moving Sherman tank and try again, despite so many around me coming in with counter rationals, myself having a character that wants to cry out in hopelessness, that being a memoory from childhood, a memory of giving up in some way, as yet not clearly defined. Somehow, that is okay that it is not, because the means to this point is to keep going until the mote in every eye is clear, and what is eternal is realized. Somehow, mixed in with the fear, is a tiny sense of joy. And with that joy, is so muchshame, a realization of so much lost, I just want to cry out that I am sorry, so very sorry for not having lived the potential inherent in what men on earth can be. 

This was a loss of what I left behind, as a gentleness that had a natural patience, which I lost in my life as well in a person, something that can never come back. No one can tell me that it is not my fault, when yes it is the default of not being focused and in respect of what is all around us, and that is life, manifest as the physical.  What I project as a loss in another, is what I lost as me. The means to be this, the same patience and silence that allows a morality to play itself out, and the action of not reacting to the formula of a troll, that truth coupled with inflamatory value judgements using a false narrative with a energized voice that has only the power I give to it. My own process of choosing fear and believing the self created and accepted entity of ideas wihtin me, to seem more real than the practical.  In all I can embrace the unnatural, because it is a game of shadows and stand within what remains no matter what, that I am here, I am the same after the emotional picture show peaks and moves either into realization and/or protection and defense. That defense needing no push back and only patience, because that reaction allows me to realize my own reflection as idea, of what I have allowed. It is a gift. 

In this, overall, I can stop chasing shadows as what resistance is by name, as information, a story imposed through words -as knowledge and information - and remember who and what I am, that nothing can define me, and that I can learn the smallest of movements, to stand equal to that gentleness that is the will of me as life, here.  I can be myself,  I can gift myself life, I can recognize the paranoia of the paranormal, as the promise I made to myself that I had to become myself, to ensure that the loss of what is precious, never happens again.  Somehow, this state of being on some border, as I see it, is both a mixture of shame and joy.  There is only one choice here.

This reminds me of the slow death of my father. His body having all the characteristic tics and tensions, that slowly faded. His body became still. The energies appearing to no longer have license over the body. The body taking a couple of breaths even when he was gone. His request that he be buried next to his sisters, a telling story - as that time with his sisters, was probably the last time he remembers being really happy/grounded, just as my memory as a child.  This choice being the choice where he remembers some semblance of himself, so far back in the past. The presence of him, being more of a child, gentle and simple. How could that be?  For me, the loss of that gentleness is unacceptable.  The wall of the mind,as a false positive, a charade of separation from what is real, must be called out by name, and allowed to see itself for what it is, a personality unequal to the real potential of self to be what is natural as the inherent will of life within and as who and what we are here on this physical planet, where all plans as forms of information are visiable, even those causing separation if we simply slow down and do what we can all do so well, which is to do the math, to see the forms,  to know we can stand stable in ourselves and choose a practice of respecting the physical world around us to realize what does no harm. 

Remember to breath. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Who am I? What do I process as information? Day 732

I had one of those situations where I realized I was not doing the math. I was not looking at the numbers, I was not looking at the equation. I simply followed something that had been said again and again, and accepted this as a truth.  I was not really LOOKING. I was not cross referencing HERE, this reality and what mendacious formula was placed to and towards me. I was not seeing the gossip. I was not processing the words, and relating them to reality in common sense. 

How much d I do this? probably more than I realize at the moment. For example, I never realized that a virus has never been found! Viruses are described by what other things are present, so what describes a virus is what the virus is not. Or, a virus supposedly must be present because other things are present.  By law, one cannot say that something happened unless the thing is measured, and yet, within viruses, we accept decisions about a virus by what it is not.  This is another one of those things that is a subtle manipulation, in that the laws say the thing justifying the means, must be measured, and yet, the dogma propagated is what something is not, thus what is used has never been proven as fact, and yet we are lead to believe, through statements as a word, as ‘ virus’ as really being something that exists, when it has not been proven to exist and yet, accept its existence and accept recommendations about it based on its  non-defined existence. I can see where I could spin around in this, and probably already am. I am a product of this system, as this was the information around me, and I followed, meaning I did not investigate beyond the string of words presented. This is how an uninformed consent happens. This in tandem with a school system that imparts a general scaffold of information without real living opportunity to investigate and direct one’s presence into a real physical understanding through living experience.  Here, I have to realize, in space, that somehow, I learned to crawl, I directed myself within that, thus I must have the capacity to move through the eye of the needle, meaning I must have the capacity to sense space, no matter how small. After all, I practice the smallest of movement of my hand to learn to vibrate on the violin, and I can see where my presence can sense that tiny change from the top of the back and forward movement of my hand with a relatively fast reading sense of the space! When it is said that one should be able to hear/here the grass growing- which I expect must be an awesome experience - it must be something we are able to do! 

This would mean that one’s focus must be HERE. 

I could also see where this would be so incredibly fulfilling, I can only imagine! The way out is not to imagine, but to focus here, in this creation in manifestation. It would be to get to now /here ( no-where, no wear, know-here) , as all of me. Yet, the separation into a bubble of imagination must be resolved, the math done, the presence here, accepting life, embracing myself and what is here,  as I would not want to be left behind, and therefor, I would not want anyone to be left behind! 

I must master what has been mastered into a mind consciousness, as imagination, that is using a limited math to live, instead of seeing directly the very math of creation here. I cannot do that alone, and yet I must do that alone, as all as one, as equal, too.

The very labor of me, must stand as this, unerringly, which is going to take practice and standing up from mistakes as I learn to realize what I accepted and allowed, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Here, that labor of me, standing firm, staying the practical course, learning all details, processing the math of separation and the practical reality here,  as I as this, can create a movement that is sustainable, directing the labor of me into digits as the system exists, in a solid and supportive movement as no one can take that away. I am not beholden to secondary forms of support, what I am and who I am, and what I move as, stands stable, in every action, to support all as one as equal, here. It is a beautiful design! It is a design that builds real community. It is the opportunity for all to walk, on the ground, self empowerment, to be the change needed to bring heaven on earth, here. It is where the doers become the so called ‘ angel investors”, fulfilling themselves as life and spreading the living word here. 

My parents used to give me, for Christmas every year,  the figure of the hermit, the Santa Claus figure. They compared me to a person always caring a lantern, trying to bring light to things, trying to save the world. I remember being both proud of this and uncertain that it was not being used as some kind of insult. It both bothered me and excited me. Yet, this excitement that tends to cause me to rush, within this caring and throwing myself into something, is my own awe gone awry! It is myself, jumping into doing without processing what I am being within, and what is without, and the ubiquitous dogma as those ideas come to be accepted as a truth that I can blame no one for but myself, for accepting and allowing, as I did not really buckle down and investigate the details, and, as it was not modeled to learn to ‘ watch the grass grow’ meaning to really place my presence in discovering the smallest of movements that lead to a well directed self directive movement in this reality. I was too busy carrying that ‘ light’- so to speak. 

Yet, the impetus of a joy, an awe, simply tipped into ideas, as a mind consciousness,  means this can be balanced out through breathing and being present here, walking myself as my presence, with patience, back into, living here.  How awesome is that!  That is a real joy. I could weep for joy, and realize how much time I spent fighting and waring, and ignoring here, this reality. I have been doing this for so long, it is as though a part of me cannot believe I have potentially found what I had lost  and that it was always here.  It is like I left myself behind, chasing accepted mis-information. This creates a mixture of joy and shame, like how in the fuck could I have done this?  And, it was all ways, right there in front of me. I can only forgive myself, as begin to walk, in real time, discovering myself and real living, touching creation, a gift in-measurable in  the beauty of its design. I can enjoy, being here, it is who and what I am.