Within playing the violin, I had to be aware of the muscles in my body because if they tensed, that tension built and then I was occupied in sorting that out and lost focus on what kept my place in the music, which was moving in those around me.
At the moment, I am aware of energy moving in me. There appears to me to be a lot. Yet, someone reminded me that the energy is really very very small. It only appears huge. This is cool from one perspective because it reveals how by nature of our self as life, our presence, we can narrow our focus down to the smallest of things, and we can sense the whole of what is around us as well. The energy within me , is where I accepted and allowed myself to focus for an extended period of time, on ideas, beliefs and opinions, that I did not resolve and balance back into reality, as all things, which includes the manifestation of form as the physical.
What I notice is how much I have thoughts falling down into my body. Instead of myself cross-referencing what is here, I am projecting value judgements based on what I practiced as an abstract idea, down from my head into my body. It is like this thick soup, heavy, dark, like a tar falling from within me. It moves into various parts of the body, even into my chest. There it resists addressing this very same thing in others, such an occupation of myself that problem solving because secondary to protection .
I have a fear of people, which is related to another fear I have, as a paranoia of the paranormal. This, built in childhood, most probably because my parents were the same as me, as they absorbed this mis-take on reality from their parents, because that is the nature of life, to sense all things. This leads to realizing that the only thing to choose is that which does no harm, or, the choice is to move within what transforms in ways that do no harm- otherwise how does one learn how to create? This is why my words must relate to this physical world directly. Each measure as each word, must trigger a relationship, as a respect of, what is here manifest as the physical. This is living in consideration of all things. Within this, I would have no alternate reality of value judgements less than life, heavy, within and as me; this energy falling and moving around within me, that I accepted and allowed.
Just as in playing the violin, no one can do this for you but yourself, it does not matter who you absorbed that lead to this mis-take in reality as being the cry of why this has happened. This is not living solution; instead, in complaining one is that which one is being when one blames another, that other that has to do the same- no matter what. Also, playing the violin, as an analogy here, means that one cannot understand until one is that capacity. In this world this means knowing one’s words and aligning them to reality. Then, to process this information with ease, to catch up to what has been a mis-take within and as one’s self, to see the patterns, to realize the movement, of which I am sure I have more to discover, as some are so subtle, within my own habit of resistance to life, that lead to a resistance to change, that lead to me separating myself from physical reality.
As some may know, my husband committed suicide. I remember a time when I could see this coming, and a day, specifically, where I stood there in the hallway of our apartment at the time, and said to myself, “ what is it about he words” as I attempted to sort out what I could sense coming. Also, as I stood in front of a fourth grade class, and realized that the children were all over the place in their focus ability, and that all I could do is rebuild, just as I did when I taught the violin. It meant moving into the smallest measures and practicing them until they were stable, so that the presence of the person could expand to greater awareness of the space around them, or the information within an equal relationship to the space around them. Those who know destini is related to Bernard Poolman must realize that what he did, as he was a stuck in his mind as the rest of us, that he had to process the information in this reality as words, to begin to see the patterns of the present system, and his own patterns of belief, to assess why there was so much destruction and not enough creation on this planet called earth.
I can say, from the point of my own experience up until now, that realizing the energy moving within me, took time, and has more development towards realizing this. From the perspective of having and being within this, that energy appears to be so real, and so huge, that a perspective from within that, will believe, as in the will having accepted this, that that energy is real and all that is when it is not. It is to say, that if you do not see the grass growing then you are not here, you as have I, rejected what is real, the physical world, for a false construct of ideas that is an entity within you. I cannot remember yesterday because I was not there, I was instead in a construct of information, limited and by such nature stagnant, within and as me, as energy. Therefor, I have no real constancy, as life, because I was not in attention to life, as the physical. I accepted a polarized story of information, that layered within and as me, becoming a personality of likes and dislikes, and believing that I had wants needs and desires that made me unique and special, when what was special, or is special is being life, being here, creating and living.
In all, one has to get one’s processing speed up, one has to see, realize and understand that SPELL within and it manifestation as a world system that is not aligned with respect of all things, as the physical world, which is creation, which is the means of ourselves being in expression as life here. One has to catch up, so to speak, to the spin of energy, composed of ideas, beliefs and opinions , which means one must process the words as their spin holding the system in place AND as the constructs of value judgements within one’s self. One could say that this started with religion, those first tech buildings filled with song and colored windows. One could say this started with agriculture, creating imagery, as icons of objects from nature, giving them a meaning within one’s self that was just this, a value within in separation from the real physical thing. Thus, here we are, on earth, perhaps the last bastion of somewhat functioning physical creation, compounded down to a single point as this is all that is left from a race who idolize what is within without respect towards creation. A respect and care towards all things is the only choice, as this is the real nature of life. It is the innate capacity of each of us. It is who and what we are as life.
In all, I must realize my own SPELLS, to bring myself back to who and what I am as life, to stand, equal and one in respect of physical reality, as this is creation information. If I cannot process the information as the spells, as my word relationship within energy/value judgements , then how will I realize my own accepted and allowed legerdemain that is an inferiority to life as that which is who and what I am that is my own separation from being present and equal to the will of and as me as life, here.
Am I SPELLING courage or am I spelling chaos, as limitation and stagnation are a form of chaos filled with projecting and imagining blame and worst case scenarios, gloom and doom, fear and reaction instead of problem solving. Have I managed to move information, as the spells of men, to such a degree that I begin to see the patterns of my own accepted and allowed separation into limitation and by form, stagnation into a consequence of an energetic reaction called value judgements that in space is so small yet made so huge, that an idea of that inform that I have accepted and allowed appears to be real, yet is not? What am I spelling with this gift of life that is me?
I mean have a look, Hillary Clinton evidently has Parkinson's dis-EASE, how was that lack of ease, that lack of being present, created? From what was this limitation and physical stagnation built? As yourself, can you hear the grass growing, are you playing the instrument of you as life, or are you caught in a dream called energy? I would suggest increasing your processing of the spells speed, and self forgive this limitation that is a separation from life. It is stagnant - visible in a fear of change. Would you want this for yourself, do you want this for this children to come?