Monday, August 22, 2016

What SPELLS have I cast, what SPELLS has Hillary Clinton cast? Day 716

Within playing the violin, I had to be aware of the muscles in my body because if they tensed, that tension built and then I was occupied in sorting that out and lost focus on what kept my place in the music, which was moving in those around me. 

At the moment, I am aware of energy moving in me. There appears to me to be a lot. Yet, someone reminded me that the energy is really very very small. It only appears huge. This is cool from one perspective because it reveals how by nature of our self as life, our presence, we can narrow our focus down to the smallest of things, and we can sense the whole of what is around us as well.  The energy within me , is where I accepted and allowed myself to focus for an extended period of time, on ideas, beliefs and opinions, that I did not resolve and balance back into reality, as all things, which includes the manifestation of form as the physical.  

What I notice is how much I have thoughts falling down into my body. Instead of myself cross-referencing what is here, I am projecting value judgements based on what I practiced as an abstract idea,  down from my head into my body. It is like this thick soup, heavy, dark, like a tar falling from within me.  It moves into various parts of the body, even into my chest.  There it resists addressing this very same thing in others, such an occupation of myself that problem solving because secondary to protection . 

I have a fear of people, which is related to another fear I have, as a paranoia of the paranormal. This, built in childhood, most probably because my parents were the same as me, as they absorbed this mis-take on reality from their parents, because that is the nature of life, to sense all things. This leads to realizing that the only thing to choose is that which does no harm, or, the choice is to move within what transforms in ways that do no harm- otherwise how does one learn how to create?  This is why my words must relate to this physical world directly. Each measure as each word, must trigger a relationship, as a respect of, what is here manifest as the physical.  This is living in consideration of all things. Within this, I would have no alternate reality of value judgements less than life, heavy, within and as me; this energy falling and moving around within me, that I accepted and allowed.

Just as in playing the violin, no one can do this for you but yourself, it does not matter who you absorbed that lead to this mis-take in reality as being the cry of why this has happened. This is not living solution; instead, in complaining one is that which one is being when one blames another, that other that has to do the same- no matter what.  Also, playing the violin, as an analogy here, means that one cannot understand until one is that capacity. In this world this means knowing one’s words and aligning them to reality. Then, to process this information with ease, to catch up to what has been a mis-take within and as one’s self, to see the patterns, to realize the movement, of which I am sure I have more to discover, as some are so subtle, within my own habit of resistance to life, that lead to a resistance to change, that lead to me separating myself from physical reality. 

As some may know, my husband committed suicide. I remember a time when I could see this coming, and a day, specifically, where I stood there in the hallway of our apartment at the time, and said to myself, “ what is it about he words” as I attempted to sort out what I could sense coming. Also, as I stood in front of a fourth grade class, and realized that the children were all over the place in their focus ability, and that all I could do is rebuild, just as I did when I taught the violin. It meant moving into the smallest measures and practicing them until they were stable, so that the presence of the person could expand to greater awareness of the space around them, or the information within an equal relationship to the space around them.  Those who know destini is related to Bernard Poolman must realize that what he did, as he was a stuck in his mind as the rest of us, that he had to process the information in this reality as words, to begin to see the patterns of the present system, and his own patterns of belief, to assess why there was so much destruction and not enough creation on this planet called earth. 

I can say, from the point of my own experience up until now, that realizing the energy moving within me, took time, and has more development towards realizing this. From the perspective of having and being within this, that energy appears to be so real, and so huge, that a perspective from within that, will believe, as in the will having accepted this, that that energy is real and all that is when it is not.   It is to say, that if you do not see the grass growing then you are not here, you as have I, rejected what is real, the physical world, for a false construct of ideas that is an entity within you. I cannot remember yesterday because I was not there, I was instead in a construct of information, limited and by such nature stagnant, within and as me, as energy.  Therefor, I have no real constancy, as life, because I was not in attention to life, as the physical.  I accepted a polarized story of information, that layered within and as me, becoming a personality of likes and dislikes, and believing that I had wants needs and desires that made me unique and special, when what was special, or is special is being life, being here, creating and living. 

In all, one has to get one’s processing speed up, one has to see, realize and understand that SPELL within and it manifestation as a world system that is not aligned with respect of all things, as the physical world, which is creation, which is the means of ourselves being in expression as life here. One has to catch up, so to speak, to the spin of energy, composed of ideas, beliefs and opinions , which means one must process the words as their spin holding the system in place AND as the constructs of value judgements within one’s self.  One could say that this started with religion, those first tech buildings filled with song and colored windows. One could say this started with agriculture, creating imagery, as icons of objects from nature, giving them a meaning within one’s self that was just this, a value within in separation from the real physical thing.  Thus, here we are, on earth, perhaps the last bastion of somewhat functioning physical creation, compounded down to a single point as this is all that is left from a race who idolize what is within without respect towards creation.   A respect and care towards all things is the only choice, as this is the real nature of life. It is the innate capacity of each of us. It is who and what we are as life. 

In all, I must realize my own SPELLS, to bring myself back to who and what I am as life, to stand, equal and one in respect of physical reality, as this is creation information.  If I cannot process the information as the spells, as my word relationship within energy/value judgements , then how will I realize my own accepted and allowed legerdemain that is an inferiority to life as that which is who and what I am that is my own separation from being present and equal to the will of and as me as life, here. 

Am I SPELLING courage or am I spelling chaos, as limitation and stagnation are a form of chaos filled with  projecting and imagining blame and worst case scenarios, gloom and doom, fear and reaction instead of problem solving.  Have I managed to move information, as the spells of men, to such a degree that I begin to see the patterns of my own accepted and allowed separation into limitation and by form, stagnation into a consequence of an energetic reaction  called value judgements that in space is so small yet made so huge, that an idea of that inform that I have accepted and allowed appears to be real, yet is not?  What am I spelling with this gift of life that is me? 

I mean have a look, Hillary Clinton evidently has Parkinson's dis-EASE,  how was that lack of ease, that lack of being present, created? From what was this limitation and physical stagnation built? As yourself, can you hear the grass growing, are you playing the instrument of you as life, or are you caught in a dream called energy? I would suggest increasing your processing of the spells speed, and self forgive this limitation that is a separation from life. It is stagnant - visible in a fear of change.  Would you want this for yourself, do you want this for this children to come? 

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The more-than and the less-than symbols The Olympics of the mind Day 715

I can catch more and more myself moving into a spin in my mind, churning information around. Ugh.

Within this, I have a memory that is of a movement. It is myself, as a child, squeezing myself into something, like trying to fit into a piece of clothing that is too small. Is this myself, as that child, trying to see the way my parents see, to get along, to go along, or did I do this without judgement , just to try it out, out of curiosity and then get caught in the web, where I began to chase the promise of this that I was lost in that was the impetus to chase the promise of a more, a greater-than? lol, another memory comes up of using the greater and less-than symbols in elementary school. The  < and the > symbols. I remember being very confused by these symbols, I remember forcing myself to focus on them, as though I did not want to take this in. It seemed such a small and useless thing.  It has value. I guess. lol. 

Did this then lead to becoming a member of the code of these symbols, and then I started to play with such symbols, believing myself to be more intellectual, while ironically at the same time being scared that I did not see the obvious meaning of these strange symbols right away as I compared myself to my peers, the ones who had already crossed into being in understanding of this code? Did I define myself as my shame that was based on comparison that was a starting point of competition? These symbols were no longer ‘ only what they were’ they became something else, they had an emotional back log, one that become a resonant part of me, and remained to be a part of a shield of belief about myself that I carried around and had to process through as I moved myself in reality. I wonder if this was at about the third grade, that age, that period where the promise in children who have not accumulated such baggage can still process the objects in the world, even the value judgements in others that are the same stuff of accumulated baggage that begins to slow down one’s innate ability to process information. Was I entering this stage where as the infamous TED talk suggests that by the third grade child can no longer come up with 100 ways to use a paper clip. I probably entered the age of my own suppression of a natural ability through a layered emotionally charged story self accepted and self created, that started with myself squeezing myself to fit into that same outcome in my parents that lead to following an idea of a more, when I was that more to begin with!

This is the reason for the tool of self forgiveness and self corrective application, to use that great technology that is your physical body, that is by nature of great neural plasticity, to remove, through forgiveness those limited and polarized self judgements and to restore who and what you really as, as you as life, able and capable of realizing hundreds of ways to use a paper clip.
If not for yourself, at least do it for life, for the children to come, and the many sentient beings on this earth that abundantly surround us. The system of scarcity is an illusion, yet to step out of this, each must accept who and what they are as life, and realize their potential. No one can do this for you, you must do this for yourself. 

Join us. There are tools, and they are here to help you help yourself. Time to get this done.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Common Core and Sports games and my own thin-ing reveal how I work Day 714

One of the things in relation to the mind consciousness that I realize more and more, as I have written about this so much, is how  once I find myself  couched in thinking,  I spin around in what appears to be endless thinking. That thin-king I allow myself to be.  So much effort placed in thinking.  It is a form of imagining, taking things, events, and spinning them around and around in my mind.

How can I possibly be present if I am doing this? I have become the practice of what public schools have lead me to be, which I followed and allowed, to move as a limited story ( information) in a focus so narrow that there is no real information for me to problem solve. 

I am in separation from the physical reality that I used to learn to crawl and to walk and to talk. I have become a mind consciousness instead of being conscious, as was the natural way when I was born, of the world around me that was me, that is physical. The real information is life in manifestation as the physical.  My awareness has become caged in a box of informed, limited, practiced-at-slow-speed -only-set-body-of-information.  An awareness that will by nature quantify information, assess and investigate, or sense what is around me was caged in imagination only. my awareness  is voracious in nature, as it must be, to be in respect of everything that is here- unless it ignores what is here and entertains itself in a busyness that cycles in limited value judgements as thin-king. When we say and do things that are not grounded, meaning when we do not understand something enough, we get nervous, because we know when we do not know something enough to make a sound decision in self directing. 

It was not too long before I found desteni that I had moments in my life where I wanted this ‘ thinking’ to stop. I had realized in some moments, that I was in - deed spinning around information in my mind, looking for the lesser evil, assessing movements, trying to find a solution that would cause less damage to my own life. I had to some extent realized that something was not what was best within the system. 

This was more in relation to health and agriculture. I had also noticed something amiss in politics, meaning I had avidly read a conservative magazine from front to back each week - as I was more voracious about information than the information as the physical world  After three years of this, I decided to do what I had asked of the ‘ other side.’ This was to read not only one’s political enclave, to also read the opposition’s as well. What I found on line were articles that I had read from my ‘ side’  being placed in the other’s perspective. A few words were changed,  etc. It took me some time, I was reading something and realized I had read the same thing before. Then I noticed this more and more.  At this point I began to realize that the articles in the news were manufactured by the same people.  It was systematically spewed out! This is Machiavellian, it is placing value judgements out in the social collective, and creating chaos through division of ideas, beliefs and opinions.The internet is a competitive ground to inform the mind. It is a war for the mind. Within this we have allowed an economic system that allows only those who have accumulated money to determine what we think, and thereby what we eat, what we watch, as ideas, beliefs and opinions that inform us,as this is how we work.  There for, real information happens on the ground, one plus one- this very way that all that is built and here, has been done, right on front of us. 

Last night there was a post about common core. It was in relation to how math is being taught in the schools. What happens is not a ‘ bad’ it is an elongation of problem solving. That elongation is practiced again and again and again, out of a context of expediting information, a natural thing for a presence to do that has learned to sense space and distance and duration, enough to self direct their body with that sensing presence and to speed up their processing as what was unknown and seemingly huge, was made small and processed with greater ease. Within practicing elongated processing of how numbers move, again and again and again, one becomes this practice, it slows down what is natural, it acclimates the child to  slow motion thinking processes- one that can take years to change, or years to discover another measure of moving, yet by then, one is an adult, and has to make a living, so there is little time to change as one is now busy in doing the same elongated movements in the imagination and making a living where there are few venues to make enough to get out of being in a constant state of stress due to money.  Yet remember that no one can be responsible for you but you. Why? Because no one can put you back together but you. There is no way out of this. For this reason, blame and spite are pointless, they are not problem solving. They are what they are. You, as a physical state of being, are what you are. I become what I accept and allow. 

Another example appears in sport games. Those times when the team cannot seem to get out of a pattern, cannot see beyond the boundaries of their information. This in contrast to those games where the team comes out of being stuck, and change up the pattern of the game, to change the movement, the form, and do what appeared impossible in the previous moment, to win the game. One has to practice moving outside of one's set body of information- which means making mis-takes, a natural order in the process of learning.

Our money system reflects the movement, meaning the amount of money one makes is equal to the processing ability of reality with matching communication skills- meaning you really have to effectively know your words.. Noam Chomsky has said that the educated are educated just enough to believe they are educated, when they are not educated. If some within this limited state  compare themselves to others in this same state, one is competing in the business of information- a separation from life overall.  Within this one becomes agitated, nervous, anxious, because the information is not solid, stable, consistent and self directive. Thus, when we become agitated it is because we are moving as knowledge and information instead of respect and presence in reality, the physical.  We begin to become what I spoke of about myself in the beginning of this post; I find myself spinning in thinking and become a thin-king in relation to living fully in this spatial, physical, multi dimensional world that comes before that spin of thinking in my mind as evident in how I learned to crawl all by myself. 

Within my latest accepted and allowed bout of being a thin-king, I realized that I was moving energetically wanting to blame and spite, and I did not look at the mechanism of what is so much discord in our reality. That machiavellian tool of creating chaos. That means of infiltrating what was a emerging functioning well known system, to change the tune, in self interest. It was to begin to speak words again and again of a more, of another way, suggesting to another that there is a more, a greater with less effort.  Within this, that those others had deceived and  a response of "was that person making the money suggested?"

 At this point, I am more angry with myself, because I saw the seeds of this and did not follow through, I did not want to think something bad, because I believed myself to be morally good, so pointing out a sense that something was not ‘ right’ meant answering to it, and since I was not looking and since I myself was ashamed of my own fear of speaking up or out the name of deception, I protected my own  moral goodness- this that I had practiced for so long that it is habituated.  I was basically both in a morality and a fear of speaking up. I had practiced a thinking system of slow motion that was really a constant placating within justification that to see through the veil of my own self accepted and allowed conditioning, happened in tiny moments where I might sense something greater than my own accepted and allowed limitations- that were a resonance of thoughts as my living deed to myself, the waste of my innate ability to assess and investigate that I had been born with, that I had used to learn to walk, and to crawl and to eventually ‘ think.’  

And yet, the patterns of division are right there in front is me, this creation of chaos to then play the savior within, via solving the reaction to the problem instead of the problem itself.  Ironically I am told to reinvent myself- a pretty sounding truth overall.   I ask myself if I can read an article and process the information immediately, because this is myself being equal to the words and grounding them in reality, in the infrastructure of this world that is life information.

My memories are the shield of my own self interest, where I did not consider reality. They are a false morality, so they spin around in looking for a lesser evil, instead of being practical in a living relationship to physical creation information, manifest  all around us. What is within me  as thin-king is the degree to which I am present . The consequence of this practice in men in this physical world  is  an energetic resonance on top of the physical, because we become what we think about as this is how this works. We are creators.  We either realize oneness and equality, as actions of respecting all things and ensuring no harm, or we continue down this path of destruction. Blame and spite, rejection and suppression are not living, they are states of being that are not that presence grounded in respect of all things, living in respect of all things. The so-called pollution needing to be cleaned up is also a resonant pollution, that is energetic. The marker if this are behaviors of frustration and anger, of blame and spite, all easy to see in that they have no gentle quality to them, no patience, no presence of being. 

They are me when I become anxious, frustrated, impatient and nervous/shaky.  They can be seen embedded in the very way we move our legs and our arms. I mean watch a video of a young person who has mastered some physical skill to some degree, there is a great sense of presence within them- and to note, some have become automated in their movements. Parents and the system often turn such development into a performing monkey, and the presence begins to fade. I mean, in music there are stories of great violinists who learned the concertos at a young age, that as adults, performed very drunk, because the physical information they had learned and embedded into their physical bodies took over. The performer  was so bored and  the awareness caught in an end game it was unused  and  sought a deafening of itself through alcohol. Meanwhile the body performed.  

Think of a prisoner who readily goes into behaviors of intense physical lashing out, they are programmed in a lack of opportunity for development, they do not have the means to express and to order, as that state of lack has caused so many problems in moving themselves in reality that they cannot make a living and are so unable to self direct. We end up punishing them for this, which is obviously not the solution. The solution is to rebuild, to allow that presence to become what is natural, to return to being present through a practice of grounding themselves in this physical reality, to slow down and realize what does no harm in their movements, which means their natural rights to have the basic needs to support what they are as physical states of being must be unconditionally met. The removal of a fear of death, and a fear of punishment, would quiet them down, and reverse their attentions to slowly ground their beingness  back into being present in this reality, that is life. And yes, some are so far gone that this will not work, yet this must be the way because prevention is the best cure. It is time to realize that the physical is reality, is creation, and the mind is what reflects our degree of presence within that reality. Any blame and spite, causes discord, because it divides into value judgements that then fight among themselves.

Within myself, I realize that I continue to judge another when I face anxiety, nervousness, agitation in another. I want to resist, to become angry, as a sense that I am not being listened to. Yet, the answer is right there in front of me, just as when I catch myself spinning in information in my mind, my presence being what my presence as life is, a sensor of form and function, movement and expression. The quality of this so able to sense so many things, a quality that is a will of understanding and expansion, as this is the law of life, a natural  drive.  

I can catch myself spinning around, and stop. I can  realize agitation for what it is, without reaction towards it, as becoming a resistance of assessing it, realizing it cannot define me unless I allow it, realizing agitation is the marker of not having enough information to equalize to reality and direct in ways that do no harm.  I can say, in specific ways, that agitation is a marker of not having enough information, and that this agitation is energetic because it is a thin-king/ presence accepting limited information- a form of idolatry.  I can say that agitation is the a personification of information that cannot fit into the physical world, it is the self showing the self how fractionalized one’s awareness has become, and how distant one is from life. Storms pass, what is stable remains.  The trolls of limited information are recognized by generalities coupled with value judgements  as they are food for blame and spite instead of guidance towards understanding all things, taking that which is good and giving direction into a self discovery of self as life, equal and one, grounded here.  It is what allows the self as life to saturate who and what one is, as the awareness of the physical world being life information. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I become agitated, nervous, anxious I am in effect in separation from being present here, using the will of myself as life, the real nature of me as self, to focus here, to become patient and calm, stable and present, seeing realizing and understanding within this, that I abdicated myself as life, into an idol of informatiom, that is evident in my ability to process the information that is here that is me in another life as the physical world of life as creation information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand when and as I find myself caught in the thin-king of thinking, and within this to stop, to simply stop, as I will only lead myself to agitation and anxiousness, and uncertainty, thus it is to stop and to breath, and to slow myself down, to reverse what i have accepted and to ground myself back here, seeing realizing and understanding the storm is energetic and not equal in present to and towards a respect of all things, as the physical, all that is me in another life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to agitation, to anxiousness, to resistance, to want to react, to blame to spite, which is really myself not addressing directly what is here, especially when the solution is to listen, to slow down, to allow the storm to pass, as it is in itself an equation of generalities coupled with value judgements, of which reaction to and towards within me have the same quality as agitation, anxiousness and uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose survival before what is best for all, meaning to act in my own self interest before a consideration of all that is me in another life, that is around me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the con-sequences of what I have accepted and allowed as information, that I have programmed myself to be and that becomes resonant within and as me, are the responsibility of myself to reform, to being back down to earth and ground in actions, in thought, word and deed, to and towards what considers all things, to take that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to disempower myself as life, as the presence of life that is me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive towards what is agitation, anxiety, uncertainty, within a belief that this can define me, or destroy what I have defined myself as, and within this to realize the solution as this very anxiety is  a sign of not having enough practice as presence in reality, as not being grounded in the simple, as paying attention to all things, taking that which is good and grounded as this is realizing what does no harm.

When and as I find myself lost in thin-king I stop and I breath, I slow down to reassess and listen, to realize the passing storm that by the nature of energy cannot withstand the test of time,  and that this within and as me, is a marker of myself not being myself as life, present and willing that very nature of me to live what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself reacting to agitation, or to not realize its state of being, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to assess and read what is the state of being as myself and to stop, to live the words calm and stable, present and silent, to take back the power of myself as life.

When and as I find myself feeling disempowered, I stop I breath, I slow down and use the nature of myself that can get lost in thin-king, to see, realize and understand that this same presence can stop, breath, assess an investigate reality that is all around me, ever present, to realize what does no harm, and to realize actions that need no anxiety or suppression, as these by nature are clear and also are visible, present, grounded.

When and as I face anxiety, anxiousness, uncertainty, I see realize and understand in practice , as myself, in the details of thoughts, words and deeds as the tools of living here, to assess and investigate until I am present in the information of the physical to direct in ways that give as I would receive as this is the design of self discovery, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, this that is living the consideration of all things, this that grounds and respects the physical.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

What is presence? Day 713

I am past fifty. I noticed changes in my parents as they grew older. It was more that I began to notice patterns in them, that something was changing. I noticed it in my mother’s art work. Somehow, it was not as clear. Since I noticed these changes, yet did not really look, I did not clearly define what was happening.

I also noticed changes in string performers. There is a difference between someone who is present when they play and someone who is moving in automated ways. They say, that one should not hear a performer thinking, it gets in the way, and the music loses some of its depth. It is to say that when a performer is present, one is more focused, and thus the listener is more engaged. It is in many ways an intimacy. Even performing with others has an intimacy that makes one really vulnerable. One is very exposed, especially to the trained ear. 

Yet, is this something, that when someone is present while playing, that they catch the focus of others?  How can this be? Also, to qualify, there are audience members, or listeners that do not hear. They come to hear a piece just to say that they heard the piece, and usually these are listeners that do not listen! To them everything is wonderful and the performer is almost a god that has some special talent. If one asks what they liked, they cannot give any real definition to their likes. It astounded me for a long time. It is why I so often did not want to remain after a performance to greet the audience. It was somehow painful, yet that is my judgement.

Every moment of life is really about being present. As I age, I notice that it is so easy to follow the habit of thinking. Even when I can with greater ease, let things go when I notice I tense up and want to react, calling out something I see as a limited perspective, which is a starting point of judgement because I am reacting to an ego, and thus I move more as agenda than solution; than investigation, than assessment. It is a fear that I lose something I define myself as, or that i have no standing, or that I can be defined by what another voices.  This is myself standing in separation from what is always here, as the physical. 

What I am defined as what is all of me, I am physical, this is the means of my expression. What is called out, in thought, word and deed, need not define me. Yes, if someone were to suddenly appear with a gun and shoot me, I would die - more than likely- yet what is voiced and promoted as measure, as idea, as belief, as opinion, as words, need not define who and what I am because it is, as words, about something, it is not what is manifest as the physical. And yet, what I practice as thoughts as ideas about here, can become automated within and as what motivates me as this physical state of being. If I allow ideas and beliefs and opinions to be who and what I am, without constant reference and reverence to all of me, I begin to lose my connection to life, to the physical.

I can sense this within myself, and I could, though I did not name it as such, in my parents. The disconnect from the physical world manifests in physical movements in people as they age. It gets more difficult to drive, it gets more difficult to listen, it gets more difficult to travel. It gets more difficult to open jars, and to take care of a house. I have seen this many times with aging people. And they see this as a norm. It cannot be normal. It is the opposite of normal. It is the consequence of a separation from the physical world, from being present, from focusing on here. It is a separation from being engaged to here. lol, I ask myself why reproductive relationships are so dominant in all stories! Why are  these singular relationships in a world of physical relationships made so HUGE as the focus of each of us? This is a distraction, this is enlarging something to remove one’s presence from reality. In a normal development, this would occur in a natural way. It would be a physical thing where two people would come together to reproduce. At the moment, as our society, it is forced. It begs the question as to how present we are. Are we really ‘ playing’ the instrument of ourselves as physical bodies on a physical world?

One can ask one’s self; How present are you? Can you conceptually process information with ease? Can you stand before something you have never done, a physical task, and use your innate spatial skill to realize the form and the function of what physically is before you, and then move with care and presence into moving with it in practical ways?

In some ways, I have not wanted to perform because it ends up being a situation where i am asked to perform all the time. I have taken this in different ways. One is becoming entertainment - and cheap entertainment as I was asked to get grants to pay for performances- this being me who performs and spends hours writing for grants so I can perform. A real disconnect from reality in relation to the people who have asked me to do this. I am always astounded.

The second, is this sense of people being drawn to me, as this idea that they come and suck something out of me. When in effect, if I perform with presence, it is that a person who is separated from being present is drawn to someone who is present- unless they are so removed, from having allowed an entity of belief to define who and what they are above , or before, a respect of the physical. One can get a resistance to presence, one can get those who desire presence and yet cannot clearly define an attraction to the greater degree of presence in another, and one can get those who recognize presence- and even here, may not be able to define this - lol it is ineffable in so many ways.

Thus, our behaviors within us, are visible in every move we make, as to how present we are in this physical world.  The solution to our loss of direct interaction with life, is to respect the physical world around us in every moment. this means we have to stop thinking and start being present. Everything that is moving in the mind, is a thought about here, it is equal in degree to one’s level of presence in reality- the physical.  Our presence has to be here, focused here, in every breath. If we are in thoughts we are in separation from life. In this, our imaginations shows us the correct use of what we are. If we are building an entity as a picture in our minds of right and wrong, without taking action, to cross reference, we are making what is in our minds larger than life.  When what we believe becomes larger than the physical world around us,  we lose our presence to and towards all things. This manifests through time as a loss of perception of the space around us. It becomes harder to do the most simple of things in our daily lives. Thus, the marker of our separation from considering all things is visible in every movement we take. In essence, we are what we allow ourselves to focus upon.  We are the directors of our own lives. Where we go will determine the quality of our life.  Do you remember what you did last year at this time? What would a life of being present in the physical reality be?