Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Day 106 A Parent setting conditions


I forgive myself self as a parent to create special days, such as holidays and birthdays where the value was placed on a past event and not on what is actually physically here, valuing life as what is real and not some past event.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as the “right moment” to talk about what has been accepted and allowed within and as this world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in placing what is existing within and as this world into a “right time and a bad time” I am existing within a character in separation from life, as I am placing value on an event from the past and not  existing with what is actually physically here, interacting with what is real here, as this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist in and as a memory in allowing past days to be celebrated when there are children and people and animals suffering on this planet, as this system is not supporting life and therefor must change.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I suggest that there are moments when things should not be talked about, I am abdicating my self responsibility as life, that until all this world is cared for and valued as the life that it is, there is actually nothing to talk about other than this.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that life cannot be celebrated for real, until all that is of this earth is cared for and given a dignified life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in teaching my children there are conditions on what is talked about in relation to social gatherings, I am suggesting that my children not look at what is being accepted and allowed within this world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in placing conditions on when one talks about what exists within this world I am teaching children to not stand up about obvious abuse in and as this world, and within this that  supporting family is more important than supporting life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a relationship to a past  more important that what is actually physically here, living and breathing as being here, in and as the value of what is actually here, as being life.
I forgive myself as a parent to have regarded birthdays and holidays as having a value never considering the life on this earth as being what is here, real, in this moment, living and actually one and equal to me as life.
I forgive myself as a parent for not having taught my children that the value is life, and as such taught my children to stand up for life no matter what, no matter the social situation.



I commit myself to revealing unacceptable practices allowed by men regardless of the social gathering, as the abuse existent is unacceptable,  and to not realize this in every moment, no matter what, is to not realize the value is life.

I commit myself being the love for my neighbor as myself, in and as standing up for life, speaking up, no matter what, that there is no other choice but that what must be cared for is all that is of this earth as life, as life is the value, any other choice is no different than the actions of Hitler.

I commit myself to standing for life, as all as one as equal, to become the living word.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Day 105 The passive care actor.



I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a passive character.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that within becoming passive where I allow another to be the director, where I become relative to another and thus passive within and as my self, I allow myself to not be a participant with what is here, but become relative to another.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I give myself to another instead of realizing myself here existing within a absolute living scenario as the moment being an expression as life, where I am absolutely involved, one and equal to what is, in totality being lived.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become the passive character, I am no longer looking at what is here, but sitting back and allowing another to lead.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place myself within the role of passive participant.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this passive participant is choosing to be fed directions instead of actually being present and using awareness as common sense here within the totality of the physical scenario activity.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in being a passive participant I am “giving up” myself to another, I am “giving up” myself within common sense and allowing another to give direction as though I believe common sense if something owned by another and not something I have within and as myself.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is actually no such thing as passive and active, as these are separations into and as ideas as polar opposites, where I have been taught I am either to be one or the other from day one, as for example the classroom, where I am the passive student taking in knowledge and information instead of actively realizing in common sense what the action being given is within the principle of what is best for all, where this passive polarity has no substance as it is where presentation is done passively as idea, opinion and belief within a hypothetical situation and not an actual living scenario where what is presented is practically lived, thus exposure alone within passivity and without action, where passive is the within and active is the without, I have separated myself from being equal within and without.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that many jobs are as passive role play where an active direction is given, and thus as I accept and allow this, I abdicate insight into the whole, into the absolute action as it is consequently lived/played out within and as how it effects others down-the-line within the world, thus all my actions taken from a stance of passivity, effect this world - like a ripple of sound moving outwards as concentric rings effecting all that is on this earth, such is the power of myself, even within a starting point of allowing a passive action within awareness in common sense with an accepted and allowed directive.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that within this every single act I take effects this world, and thus am I responsible for how this world exists, thus I am responsible for the starvation, the animal abuse, the eco system abuse, the unemployment, all and everything on this earth within and as allowing myself to exist as a passive character that just happens to not have a  spoken word/line within what is actually physically present within my immediate environment which I have accepted as not being responsible as I see my self as not having a “line” to speak as meaning I am no longer “center stage” when in fact all of this world is the “stage.”
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my passive character is myself believing I have no power in and as common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that in not being allowed to ask questions, a “red flag” should be raised, as what I am in essence being told is to remain passive, which places me within a character of acceptance without question, and suppresses the very life that I am into and as a partial/polarity role.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when I was leading an orchestral section and the players behind me were clinging to my every note instead of being there one and equal with the note in common sense it felt like I was responsible for the whole section and placed pressure onto me which sometimes got to me and sometimes did not, and when it did not I noticed that the section tended to also relax, thus I am responsible for myself as judging the passive and the active, yet this is no excuse for anyone or anything in and as this world to not become self responsible where the inner and the outer are one and equal, where passive and active become one and equal, and thus life as heaven on earth can begin, where what is best for all, as best for self, is to be and become the expression of self as life, where want, need and desire are no longer the occupants of the mind, that will only lead to blame as seen with the occupy movement presently existent on earth, where all that is being achieved is blame and spite as it is a passive participant on the side screaming without any actual practical organizational directive "without" action or understanding, in common sense of the structures built by man that are the cause of the effects of allowing a system to be the self response indirectly as directive within money being the directive instead of the value as life, in totality, absolutely being, existentially aware of itself as all as one as equal, here.


I commit myself to realizing that all my thoughts reveal to me where I am not participating here in common sense.
I commit myself to realizing that within this all there is is to be here in this moment within common sense, as this is the inner one an equal to the outer.
I commit myself to realizing that taking in knowledge and information from a passive role renders  knowledge and information as idea, opinion and belief only without any actual directive understanding in practical application and that within this I allow a system of abuse, as I have no actual physical awareness of what practically works as myself, and I am only following directives from a separate passive stance, where I have abdicated my self responsibility and within this if I blame another for what I am, I am in essence existing as a passive character who has never stood up and been self responsible for what presently exists on this earth.
I commit myself to realizing that my passive role play is myself in separation from life.
I commit myself to exposing how passive role play development, without exposure to active/directive participation/interaction has lead to the submission of myself to idea, opinion and beliefs, passively accepted without actual absolute physical directive experience and thus do I allow myself to have a veil placed before my very within and without in separation from life, and for this I can blame no one but myself, here.
I commit myself to realizing the need to become one and equal to what is here, without reaction in fear, but with common sense of all as one as equal, as every action I take creates a cause and effect where the passive action is the cause in separation from the effect of my actions, and until all of life on this planet becomes aware of this, and begins to direct within the principle of what is best for all, is best for self, this world will never become a heaven on earth as what it is meant to be, thus all “ripples” sent through each and every action by each and every “thing” that is of this earth, must “ripple” within what considers all life equally and thus be aware within no division into active and passive self directive capacity as life, as though this can be shut on and off, when this is what one is, life, where this is the absolute value as life manifest as the principle of oneness in equality, as what is best for all is best for life.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Day 104 The character of unemployed


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that leaving my home will lead to not having a home.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that changing is impossible.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need another person to help me leave my home, as leaving my home all by myself is opening myself up to vulnerable situations where I will be taken advantage of.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in common sense I am life, as thus I am able to face what is here, all by myself, and to within this use myself as life to direct myself as life, where I have been in many different schools where i live and noticed a pattern with the children, where the schools believed they were different, yet they were not, they varied by degree, yet the elements remained the same.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the differences are illusive seeming and not what is real, as what is real, is life here within a form to express life, where the program of suppression is a pattern and limited by design, where the whole is not conveyed, thus within education for many there is not interest as the story makes no sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing change, to believe that another place is any different from what is here, where there are people being denied what is necessary to become a self perfected being, the capacity of which exists within each and every one of us.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, to have an idea that facing limited perceptions is daunting, when a limited perception is just this, the missed understanding of the whole story.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the cyclops eye of self interest, greed, the voice of the media and the corporations as a collective supporting inequality is a desire for more than as illusion, as mind pictures, to fulfill a imaginary dream, an impossible dream, and thus a passable dream, as a dream is not what is real, a dream can only be of the past, and not what is here, where within this system, in order for there to exist more than and less than, a dream must be made big to blind into submission the many to feed the dreams of a few, as the dream consumes resource instead of walking one and equal to what is real, this physical world, as standing up as self and realizing that this physical world is what is real, as it is the substance of life, where all senses as the physical are employed and not just the image creator as mind.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that anything that is of the mind that is of fantasy is not what is actually physically here, though the lights and images of the mind have become so bright they appear real, and that what has been taught is to make this imagination be what is real, when what is real is this physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the common sense of this, that any desire is myself in separation, as I am here as life, able to direct myself in self honesty as I am hONEstly life, physically here, thus a dream of the mind is not the full employment of myself as my physical self as life, where it is interesting that the outer reflects the inner, as this world, as this physical world is not in full employment, so evident with the increasing number of Americans losing their homes where there are more empty homes than there are homeless, thus this physical world is not in full employment and there is not excuse for this, which can only mean that the present system has not considered all that is here in equal measure ensuring all considerations when organizing and thus this present system is not working and must change to a system that employs all life, to consider all forms of life, as one and equal to, to get this organism of earth working in full employment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear becoming fully employed myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the illusion and idea of what full employment means, to in and as my mind, set conditions on my own earth employment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I rely on the ideas and opinions and beliefs about how to communicate, as how I am supposed to interact and have expectations of what an interaction should be the image and likeness of, I will not be here employing my self fully and thus will not create and manifest the full employment of myself here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in common sense, if I am not in full employment, I will not have a satisfying existence, nor will I be able to expand in my awareness of this world, nor will I have effective communication with this world, thus it starts with self, fully employing self here in oneness and equality with what is here as my physical self here, able to use what is the gift as self as life in common sense, employing common sense within every breath, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear changing as I fear losing the limited employment that I exist as, believing that I should be happy for what employment i have, instead of standing and realizing that there is no other state of existence than that of full employment of life here, thus this fear of loss of my partial employment is an illusion and not what is real, as life cannot exist, as heaven on earth until full employment is what exists on this earth, thus just as this system is not creating full employment and must change, so must I change, as this system is made of of people accepting less than full employment and this is unacceptable and thus changing what exists as a system that creates only partial employment must walk a process of change to get to a point of full employment on this earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that war, as conflict as friction is the past and the future, acts of existing in and as the mind, as the mind is an imagination built to support the suppression of awareness of what is real to allow a fear a bigger dreaming capacity while the physical world is used as resource for this, and thus the physical world is not included in the employment of the expression of life, thus life is not what exists on this earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the characters I exist as support an accepted existence in and as a belief that unemployment is existential, when in common sense it is not, it is only an indication that life is not understood, and that a system change within and without must realign its very organization until  all that is here as this physical world is employed. Period.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the existence of unemployment has been created by a STAG nation, a nation of men employing only themselves and not employing all that is physically here as what is real as what supports as what is not more than or less than but is a nation of life, and this life within this present system is not being considered in such a way that all of this physical world is employed as itself as life.



I commit myself to realizing that this begins with self, where I am able to stand in full employment in and as myself as life in common sense, where  this physical world is what is real and the fear of losing the partial employment of myself is  a fear of change and loss, where myself as life is already being lost as it is not fully employed and thus the only choice is to change and walk until I am fully employed as life here, as within so without, as above so below.
I commit myself to be the desire to be fully employed  and not only as a dream in and as my mind, instead of walking and changing what I have accepted and allowed as it has not created the full employment of myself here, where this is not a failure, as this is just simply myself not being fully employed.
I commit myself to realizing that the only failure that exists if not standing up and becoming fully employed as self as life here.
I commit myself to no longer allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am supposed to be satisfied with partial employment.
I commit myself to becoming fully employed as life here, one and equal to what in common sense is a system that fully employs all that is physically here as this physical world, where self diminishment does not exist, where the dream of something better being down the road does not exist, where heaven and earth are fully employed here, in this moment, in total health,  as this is life. 
I commit myself to creating a world where all hearts beat in sinc with life, as earth is one and the same with heart, just take to h and the e and realign them to create earth, it is as simple as that, thus what is stopping the full employment of the expression on earth is a mind illusion fear moving and realigning what is here as a “stag-nation” into a nation of life.

What is the substance that creates the picture? Are you fully employed as self as this? Or is someone else, in self abdication your employer?

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Day 103 The avalanche of characters falling around me as I have decided to move


Day 103  The avalanche of characters falling around me as I have decided to move
In deciding to move from where I live, I have had so many thoughts projected towards me as belief, idea and opinion. It is as though moving from my isolated existence on the near end of a peninsula that is about three miles wide means I am going into hell.  I am even told that I will be back.
What others experience is not too different than what I experience. I have had all manner of emotional and feeling reactions; fear of change, fear of entering into some barbaric distant land, fear of being alone in some barbaric distant land, fear of loss of friends - being known locally etc.

When I respond to a character as the expression of another with same or similar fears as my own, I sometimes notice I become a similar expression, in and as a personality, as my mother and my sisters, and also a memory from my past - when I was in high school.
 It is this stance of “stating my case” as my care actor of belief, opinion and idea, being authoritarian within my statements, where I am the “professional authority” as manner on the subject within which I am speaking. I am being defensive, building my case/fence to protect myself, to project myself, which indicates fear, as in fact I am life here, on a planet that gives freely - that is understood and known how to be used to support what is here- thus this care actor of belief, opinion and idea, can only be the development of an existential expression as fear as characters are like lawyers stating a selection of supposed facts to win a case of one character’s acts of care as being justified. The characters compose, pulling the most heart strings that generate pity and gather the sheeple within their fences, are the ones that win. the sheeple trained to be lead by owned desires of righteous fixations.
Within this all opinions, ideas and beliefs within a state of needing to be used as ammunition are one and the same to any form of war on this earth. The projectile of my character is just as detrimental as the projectile missile as it is in support of my own defenses in fear of survival, my money persona, my care actor of money, my personality projectile in separation from being here , one and equal to this physical world, where I consider this world as me, as this is what supports me here, this that some bank believes it can enslave me to through debt where I am fenced within what is best for the few and not what is best for all as life, here.
So, my  “Professor” of my own Lawyer personality/character is my separation, a reflection answering to beliefs, opinions and ideas taught to uphold a soul of money instead of the very substance of what is here as life that is this physical world, which I am one and equal to as I am composed of this, and the soul of money as my character being the separation taught to participate in the game of monopoly known as capitalism/communism.socialism/centralized dictates supporting self interest of a few so busy authoring the aggrandizement of self interest in liu of sharing best practices to the point where best practices are suppressed - as what is best for all allows life, allow self autonomy, where being self responsible and self honest is punished as this is the greatest threat to the status quo of the soul of money reigning on this freely giving earth.
Thus when I accept and allow my self to become a projectile of character, I continue this reign of acid on a freely giving earth, in abdication of self responsibility and self honesty as my self as life in and as the consideration of all that is here as myself, one and equal, as speaking within what is best for all, as moving myself as a living word,  myself in union with the sound of a freely giving - forgiving earth- that which is here. In supporting this tapestry of a soul of money that has taught the characters of defense as the persona of missiles I have allowed and accepted, I am in support of a system that does not care for, consider, respect what is actually real, this physical world. As I project in support of this system, I become the missile I project, an outcome of being shattered into a million pieces not only destroying myself but this earth, this heart of life, given unconditionally to allow the expression of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak in the manner of a “professional law layer” building a defense for the case of my character, a collection of beliefs and opinions and ideas in support of what will enable myself to survive within the soul of money that is the support and interest of a few in separation from what is a freely giving resource as the gift of expressing life that is earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that allowing myself to express within a manner of authority, where I constrict my human physical body in preparation to shoot words to protect my status within a system of inequality is myself in support of inequality and thus myself in support of my own separation from myself as life, that which is the composition of what allows this earth and myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my perceptions as what I have been taught are to uphold and protect the soul of money as the system that has been accepted and allowed on this earth in separation from respect and care for all that is of this earth as being life one and equal to each and every person/thing/plant/animal that is the composition of what is here as life on this earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when the outer world does not reflect my character built to survive within a system of inequality as the soul of money, I am caught up in the game of survival.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that I have been programmed to support this soul of money, either through behaviors of protection for what I have, or the behavior of ignoring those that are not cared for, or the behavior of blaming what exists on the behaviors of others lost in survival mode, governing, or passing the money onto the governors as this is how they survive themselves, a perpetual flow of money as what is the blood of support, in separation from what is real, this physical world, that has no stamp of ownership but what we as humans have accepted and allowed, where our accepted and allowed stamp of ownership is not in order as many are starving, many animals are suffering beyond measure, and much of the resources of this earth are being used in such ways as to poison the earth from which they are pulled, all in separation from a respect for life and within this lack of respect, an obvious lack of awareness of what is real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the loss of myself as the habituated character that allows the reign of a system that supports a heartless soul on money.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize in every moment of breath, that all there is, is oneness and equality to myself as life as the very substance that is of this earth, that which is my mother and my father, a real “god” of support.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the character of a lawyer, mimicking the behaviors as personifications of characters in maintaining the soul of control of life into dominions that support a god of greed and lust, of disregard and abuse, in separation from what is actually physically real here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to memories as the false domains I have accepted and allowed to be the expression of myself as life here, where I believe that old age is myself sitting; wallowing in the projections of my past as memories not seeing, realizing and understanding that these are the consumption of myself as life within a false idol, the bread of separation and the existence of myself in support of self interested comfort of no regard for what exists as this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from what is actually physically here, developing and moving in and as common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand , when I become the voice of the projector of self defense missiles as characters of knowledge and information that is non inclusive of all life, inconsiderate of earth,  and based on conditions in accordance with accepted and allowed beliefs, opinions and ideas to a soul of money masking as a god of faith, and an illusion of hope to reach the top of a tower known as Babel.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not breath here, in every moment and to simply say stop, to all thoughts as images, based on past events and the manners of those who came before me, that are the imprints in support of a soul-less imaginary, invisible hand god used to control and allow a few to pull the triggers and levers behind a curtain of media and advertising, education and distribution of freely given resource.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not  realize my breath here, and to breath through each and every image in separation from life as the collection of my past as this as director of myself is my particulars of perception in separation as value judgements in accord with inequality from myself as life here.


I commit myself to breathing.
I commit myself to stopping the characters as the manners as the beliefs, opinions and ideas, as imprinted knowledge and information in separation from what is actually physically here, the projectiles of support for a soul of money that places a belief of an invisible hand of self interest masked as divine interest in separation from what is common sense as what is real as what is physically here giving as one would like to receive, so apparent in that the natural world has never ever ever had any indication of ownership, as it is only the self interested signatures of men, who fear the loss of energetic highs of no substance in separation from self honesty, self responsibility as life, a heaven on earth existence as all as one as equal here.
I commit myself to realizing there is nothing to author, nothing to place a law around as my dominion, as what is here, is life, that which I am one and equal to and as, and thus a need to know the future is myself in separation and fear of self direction with this actual physical world, in common sense.
I commit myself to stopping this character  of stamping a moment with self interested acknowledgment as being an indicator that I am real, that I have value, that I am a good person because I am a participant, and within this  to stop myself as these separations and bring myself here to what can be the only thing that is in fact real, a common sense of this physical world as what is best for all is best for myself here.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Day 102 The sigh of avoidance character


Day 102 The sigh of avoidance character
My mother was here the other day. Religion came up. She stood up, sighed and turned to walk away. This one movement of standing, sighing and turning away, my twin sister has been here and done the same, and so have I. Like peas in a pod, the same action again and again. How many generations?
This is “giving up,” this is believing things are impossible, in-passable, that my shit is holier than yours, that “I know”. Yet, all of this is an avoidance character. I avoid becoming involved so that I do not have to deal with the “shit.”  I sigh and walk away. As though I am above, and within this supposed “abovness” I become the “holier than thou” salvation character, where I “save” no one, I just end up stewing in my own self pity, for having wanted to save and thinking I tried.
What I am avoiding is life, is myself, is realizing that all actions as dramatic events on this earth are the outflow of what is accepted and allowed that is the image and likeness of myself as I am all as one as equal. The resolution of this emotion and feeling is in separation from what is physically here, the pixels are not aligned with this physical world.
And this physical world, is ignored  as the movement of the care actor is deemed of  import. A storm on what is actually here, where I as life am here, this physical world - as myself as a physical being - need not seek attention and acknowledgement through incessant peek-a-boo validation as the only real validation is being physical, one and equal with and as the physical world.
My care acting is for emotions and feelings and thoughts, composed of wants , needs and desires, to ensure survival in a system of for-gotten values as we fear “picking up the violin” meaning this physical world and playing with and as the physical world. Where all it takes is realizing the form and structure of the physical and learning how to place our fingers on the strings. Something each and every one of us can do. What is here is known, we know how to take care of this physical world, yet we have allowed a system, where those that fear playing the violin have grabbed what appears to be an easy sustenance that is not of real full self development as life, and build a battle field of war to protect their own fear of being and becoming life, of picking up this physical world, meaning becoming one and equal to this physical world, and standing up in full interplay with and as this physical world. Where this is only existent when earth becomes heaven on earth, as this is interaction with the “violin” in full matched per form as all that is here “stance.” No parent/real “god” would have it any other way. As this is the opportunity to be and become life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of avoidance, where in standing up and sighing, I stand on a soap box, pick up a self pity rag to hold my tears - that tare at my flesh, and within my character of superiority I become the character of the rejected savior, believing that I know and am mis-understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that standing up and sighing, is myself in separation from life, as I am not here, one and equal to this physical world, and am imposing ideas and beliefs and opinions that are a story of belief in and as my mind, in separation from what is actually physically here, as I believe there is some god and holy place just waiting to realize how special I am, thus can I stand up and walk away, avoid what is here, avoid facing the limited view point of selected pixels of belief , opinion and idea, that ignore what is physically here, what is tangible with my human physical hands.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the desire for sex, in and as needing an image in and as my mind, to stimulate my human physical body, is no different than needing an image of a god surrounded with angels ( an even this image is limited as who the hell wants to go and sit with a supposed “god” surrounded by angels - how fucking boring), as both are seeking a limited means of self expression, and if one would look it becomes obvious that what one believes is an escape to a “better place” has no real substance beyond the image, and just as with sex, the image and action with image is never satisfying and must be perpetually sought, an action mimicked in the drugs sold for health were health is never achieved or the drugs would no longer be necessary.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when I stand up and I sigh and I turn to move away, I am existing in and as my mind, in judgement, fixed in stone, engraving my own tombstone, and not here, in and as breath, equalizing myself as one and equal to what is physically real, here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this character of “giving up” is avoiding being here, facing what is here, which is to say NOT facing the separations accepted and allowed as emotions, thoughts and feelings, desires, wants and needs, as what is being accepted and allowed, instead of realizing what is physically here as what is real, a constant that moves and does not move.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the energetic rushes as emotions and feelings are the separations of myself from life, the outplay of ideas and opinions and beliefs, within a bubble that turns me into a human light bulb and consumes my flesh, where I am really like a firefly on earth in separation from earth, and not here one and equal to what is real, the support of myself here, this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all emotions and feelings are different densities of energy, one is perceived as a negative feeling and the more dense, the positive emotion , yet the two within their spectrum of intensity are the separation of myself into and as wants, desires and needs, based on beliefs , opinions and ideas, within a system of inequality, known as capitalism, presented as democracy,  where my energetic movements in and as myself are based in fear of survival, and thus myself ignoring this physical sustaining world as the physical as life, where it is known how to sustain what is here on this planet, yet the storm of survival/fear and thus the creation of competition is the separation, as the human is at war with himself and not existing in the principle of equality, the giving as you would like to receive, the answer that has been given and is known by each and every one of us.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that emotions and feelings are based on thoughts, as ideas, opinions, and beliefs that are what has been taught by parents, which was taught by their parents etc. within a society that reflects inequality and thus all that has been conveyed through time, a conveyor belt of separation from what is real, this physical world, is causing the destruction of this earth as the human is ignoring understanding of how the present systems work, where if it were understood how this system works, the only choice is to stand and organize a system of support for all life and then to vote in this system, as protest of just an act of blame, where an act of blame is not an actual physical act of reorganization, where this will take all of us, and if we expect another to stand then earth will end, where we fear losing our jobs within a system that will be the death of us, so the challenge is to stand, the one thing feared is the one thing needed to be done, as this is common sense, because it is the fear that is the illusion, thus the thing feared is the only way through to be faced to reach heaven on earth. There is no other choice.
No one is coming to save anyone, as the gift of life is being given, to realize fear is the illusion and that there is only one way to realize this and that is to walk through it, and that each and every one of us must do this all by ourselves, thus there is not one to do this for you and me but ourselves. alone to become all one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotions and reactions within others, to fear looking, where myself imposing my own beliefs and opinions and ideas, is one and the same as myself fearing to look.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I have the tools of self forgiveness, writing,  corrective application and breath, within and as the principle of oneness in equality as what is best for all is best for self, here


I commit myself to no longer standing up and allowing myself to sigh and turn away, in and as the avoidance character, in and as a belief that I know and am not accepted or not understood, which is my self just wanting to be right, where I have separated myself from myself as life as what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that every moment where an interaction is not resolved to a point of equality is an act of the mind wanting to win something, wanting to survive, existing in more than and less than, where myself as equality is wanting to be more and not myself moving into and as, one and equal to, life, as life is all as one as equal here, as this is the only choice.
I commit myself to breathing, to forgiving myself to and as what I am, to stop the movement within and as myself as energy, as emotions and feelings and thoughts, to bring the pieces of myself back together again as all as one as equal here for the children to come, so that they may become one and equal as life, here.
I commit myself to realizing that the present system, accepted and allowed on earth must change to a system of oneness and equality, where all life is supported, where all forms are dignified as the life that they are.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day 101 The character of the dreamer.


Day 101 The character of the dreamer.
I went  and looked at real estate in another place, and have wanted to continue to do this. And then I find myself thinking about what it would be like to live there.
I find myself wanting a partner to life “there” - where ever “there” is! lol
I find myself being afraid of being alone in a “new place.” 
I find myself doing this more as I pull my present situation into order to leave.
And I also notice I feel like I have less time.
Dreaming takes up time. eats it. The projector/mind is consuming through imagery, collecting all my pasts and creating a new story, fears included.
I have to breath and tell myself that I am here. Other than this, all there is is practical considerations.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dream about the future.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wonder what it would be like to live in “this or that” area, where what is only necessary of to look at practical considerations, such as real estate taxes,  access,  structural integrity of what exits, what needs repair and what it would mean to repair, etc.. The actual physical considerations of being in another place.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to turn a new place into a fairy tale, where I imagine all the characters as the picture of how I as a woman should appear in and as what is considered to be success, as a job, a “manly man,” children with their “significant” ( meaning support as mind) other, perhaps some grand children somewhere along the way etc.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that, though there is no “wrong” within any of these scenarios, the need to imagine them, to wish for them, to want them, to hope for them, as what I am being indicates that there is something missing within this world, as these images are of what life is here on this earth, where people interact with one another, in many fashions, with animals, with the soils, with the plants should be what exists without fear and apprehension of these things not existing, and thus as myself here, I would be the being of this as myself as life as a physical being in the form of a human here on this earth, and thus I would not need the drug of a dream, I would be here being this, thus is the act of myself dreaming, my own fear of loss of life that is the illusion and the separation and what is used to control myself a source of life on earth by a few.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this very ability of myself to dream, is myself in fear of loss, and within this is indicative that the very structure  this world develops as this dreaming, allows a few to possess in reality this image and then has others running after this image, where the image is of a life in interaction, yet the reality is a system that eats up the resources of this earth and directs them within profits for the few, where if what is here is used in common sense and within best practices, as best practices being what is best for all, then scenarios where all of earth interacts with all of earth would be what exists and thus would we all , here, life, a REAL physical reality and not images in and as our minds.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this present system of inequality has used the ability of the human to dream, to grab and own this earth in contradiction to what the earth is as life - unconditionally/freely giving- to serve their own excessive dream scenarios, where the images in and as the mind are of a partial reality and thus can never be as fulfilling as the actual, in fact physical living reality, yet if one does not know the difference, and the dreams have taken all attention, then the very idea of a real physical reality living with this physical world would be so separated from self’s experience, it would be very difficult to understand what this means.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop  all thoughts of wonder of what it would be like to live in another place, unless I am practically sitting down and making a list of actual practical existential considerations, as this is not dreaming but simply organizing what needs to be done to complete a task.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize within this, how many people on this earth are having their homes and families ripped apart so that monoculture agribusiness can take the land to grow vegetable oils to burn to replace the dwindling oil reserves, without any consideration for the plants, the animals and the soils ( where there are many more life forms) in an effort to own what is this earth that has no signature of ownership as it is life, where even within my local area, although there are funds for alternative energy options, the local electrical system is not putting any effort into developing this as there is not time for the electrical workers to implement such changes, as these changes cost money not only the money from government subsidies, but also the man hours spent implementing alternatives, thus nothing gets done on a large scale within alternative energy development, as most of what exists within money is spent on war, to grab a resource that is own-able ( meaning self interest for the few lost in a dream) and not something that is more difficult to own, which is the sunshine and the wind- thus within a profit based system, if it cannot be owned than it is of no interest, as the intangible cannot be labeled and stamped with a name.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that this same kind of thing would happen with music students, where they would begin to play with ease, as though they found the understanding with the instrument, and then suddenly stop, as the girls would begin to carry “purses” and the boys would go into sports, and the dressing of themselves within this would - as the dream- take over- and the violin would no longer be “cool” as that which is intangible within and as themselves was not real, what became real was the image, was how they looked and not what was them in expression as life, and thus a one dimensional, singular idea of how they should look - which can be manipulated and owned as the image sale of this and the accessories that create the image of this- can be owned, where the self, picking up a violin and directing self within the means of playing as self, cannot be owned and develops the ability of self to self direct, and thus this is not the suppression of life to become a follower of a picture.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself, as a human, to see, realize and understand , that there is plenty on this earth to support life, all life in dignity, and that the fact that a human dreams of a place to live, and how that place should look, is in itself an indication of something not being right about this world, as this is not actual physical living and development but only a dream.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that no matter where I might or might not want to live, what is here as this earth should be used with respect for the earth and all life, where no matter where I live there is not a question existent as to there being something to fear but only the existence of an interaction here as life in which to expand myself as life, to becoming one and equal to what this physical world consists of, as this world is of a technology beyond the human’s present understanding, and thus we are wishing and wanting some supposed “greater” outer space race to come with some sort of “amazing technological advancement, when this flies in the face of all reason, as we have this earth, this physical “space ship” that is right here, that is life, supporting us unconditionally and we do not even develop each and every human to understand this “SHIP” of life, where all we have done is turned this SHIP of life into a fucking doll house. I mean WTF.


I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the TITANIC- the story of the TItanic is the story of this earth as what will become of this earth if we do not wake up and take care of the ship that carried the ship of the greed of profits wanting to become more and more and more, hitting the iceburg of this physical world in ignorance of this physical world, and thus will this ship of fools as greed and profit before life go down, drowning in their own greed and substance abuse, where even when the dream is lived the substances of escape, such as alcohol are still needed to maintain the illusion and the intangible as the substance of life, is suppressed and in dis-use causing disease and sinking ships.

I commit myself to dismantling the dream and walking one and equal on this ship of life, the earth using the feet of my human physical body as myself as life, to live as a part of this earth in tandem with earth, one and equal, being here within and as my physical real feet and toes.

Disembark from this ship of fools and stand up as life, support an Equal Money System.
What is your MIND?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Day 100 Our shackles are of our own design.


Day 100 Our shackles are of our own design.


I  feel that people talk the same thing endlessly, around and around and around , like the mind, what is the point within the words that are reiterating, the whole of the point of the separation within the words must be directed and I am remaining emotional as I cannot see the “song” of the words, I am not looking at the character of the words, instead I only see mismatch in and as my mind with the words being spoken, so I become -  am being emotional, a desire for a match, in separation of common sense. I am not looking at the point being endlessly spun until resolved - either within or without- walking this, bringing this to existing within life here, and/or in having expectations of agreement as singular reaction,  what I am is building a relationship to frustration/incapacity/ impossibility instead of taking the characters within and without and becoming one with them to walk them/me into and as equality and oneness as what is best for all. Am I judging  what is said as “dirty,” something “beneath me " ?  This is an illusion.  Here, there is not time for accusation, there is not time for self pity, there is not time for blame, there is not time for judgement, there is only equalizing, there is only building a collection of 1+1 equals as life, realizing that there need be no television, no telling vision, as the physical IS a “vision” of life, a “vision” of actual, substantive, multi-dimensional life, of a technology of depth unmatched by man on so many levels it is obvious that the mind of imagery of pictures - as past events, of what is desired as a future based on limited sensual values, is not reality. And the ones lost in the mind, who happen to have played the character of being a so-called winner are one and the same as those who have not had the role/personality/character of  collecting the accrutements that fulfill the image of material success based on a “doll house” fantasy in separation from life, from the realness of this physical world.
When I am within an energetic storm, I am within a polarity of more than and less than, in fear of losing something, this loss pertaining to an alternate reality that is the image and likeness of a “doll house” idea in separation from what is actually here, and I take what is here as life, and force it into a limited idea, disregarding the nature of this world. Every act I take that does not consider this world, as all that is here as life, I am not one and equal to life. As long as there is abuse and suffering on this earth, then I, as man, am in separation from life. My physical breath is my self equalizing myself to my physical self, as what is real. My mind is the machine of, and image of, how money has been used to support a reality in separation from full awareness of this physical world.
My emotions and feelings are in support of the raping of the physical world, they are myself in fear of loss, they are me in desire to survive as a belief that a relationship will support me, perpetuate myself here, and all because I fear being self hONEst, I fear forgiving myself in self honesty as I believe my relationships will fall should I do so, where I believe it is my relationships that support me, when it is myself as this physical world that is life. Thus, social networking is to establish a net of relationships to ensure survival, using what is real as this physical world to maintain this illusion in separation from life within a system of signature as ownership on a supportive physical existence that has no indicator of ownership and only gives within the condition of the form of itself as life working in tandem with many other forms to support life. The human is ignoring reality and the physical world for an energetic fixation with relationships in separation of the very substance of life. The false god of singular desire rules, and what is real, that allows life, is sucked dry.




I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to a relationship as support of what I am here, believing this to be the totality of myself here, where if I remain in and as breath, I will realize my own separations into and as a character to and towards a separate reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this separate reality is image based, is a belief that something will be lost should I not maintain the relationship.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within each relationship, I must maintain a character to fathom the infinite spin as this polarity of fear of loss and hope for gain layered  as my separation creating a system manifest on this earth of survival as a system where money determines who lives and who dies, thus forcing relationships in separation from life, from existing as what is best for all, as what is best is to include all that is of this earth, this supportive earth, to allow the totality of what exists to be realized as the expression of life where the relationship  lived is to life, as this is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down into and as breath, to being myself here, equal and one to my human physical body and to no longer feed a mind of separation into and as characters at play with relations to a network of survival in separation from life, where the relationships support beliefs and ideas and opinions within a system of survival that is a reflection on the waters of this world, no longer aware of the reflective surface on which this is projected.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I must remove these reflections that are in separation, and that are a composition of energetic desires, wants and needs that support my own separation, where I have allowed a monetary system that takes the plentiful earth and causes friction as war with the very substance of the physical world to support my accepted and allowed illusion as mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to build/have a “doll house,” where in wanting my own “doll house” I have become so intent on the dream of this that I no longer have any sense of what this house consists of, practically as I do not even know how to build a house, or even gather the resources needed to build such a house, nor am I aware of the effects this “doll house” built has had on the environs of earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand  that I no longer have any depth perception, and that all I allow myself to exist as is a cry for the death of a movie star and not the death of a child from a droid missile off in another country where there are families, just like me, who exist and are no different, just a collection of same beliefs that vary by degree in color and fashion.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the differences between people are minute , where some drink coffee and some drink tea, and that this difference gives no reason to judge another as less than myself.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that war is to grab resource, where the media builds fires of righteousness based on values that are separate from what is real, where an idea that wearing a head scarf means another is less than myself, where that head scarf was probably originally worn to protect a human from the air born particles of dust on a continent falling into desertification, a tradition then taken by a religion and made into a mandate as the limited design of the system on earth in separation from the physical, creating an object as man, who needed an outlet for the suppression of self into a limited expression, where the excess needed release and thus sex became a dominating action to release the gift unused as life, and hence the protective scarf was used to hide the developing desires of men in separation from themselves as life, where the real question was why the soils of the earth were no longer fecund and productive.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the payers for the layers of separation as the human, that has created what has become of life on earth, as a descent into hell, where most of this world is suffering, and if one has a bed and a chair, then one exists within a minority on this earth.

I commit myself to realizing that the human has shackled himself to a system in separation from what of physically real, and within this fears standing up within his own self created shackles, this being a system of profit and survival as taking instead of forgiving, as only accepting what is conveyed within a limited relationship, made a habit instead of realizing equality and oneness and existing in and as the living word.

I commit myself to realizing that when I believe I must have something that is not what are of the basics to support my human physical body, then I am in desire, want and need in separation from life.

I commit myself to realizing the emotional and feelings shackles I have allowed myself to exist as that are based on traditions within a history of survival in and as a system of survival, revealing that life has never been lived and that mankind has only ever lived in separation from life, and has compounded relationships as beliefs, opinions and ideas,  to the point where the consequences that created the traditions are forgotten.

I commit myself to realizing that all the knowledge and information of this world is meaningless as it has not created a system that supports all life, and thus, in order to re-evaluate what is believed and taught, the present system must be completely changed to one that supports all life, so that this world can be ordered in such as way that all of life is no longer acting, but existing as life, for real.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 99 expectation


Day 99
In the last days, within walking towards a change I notice myself feeling sad, like a big wet blanket shrouding myself here. It is the fears and the expectations I have that I have to accept are myself wanting as mind, needing as mind. Like a soaked rag of tantrum in that the world is not responding to the fairy tale of imagery as expectation. Meanwhile non of it matches what is here, and I have lived enough to realize that the fairy tale is only ever a part of the story. Thus, is the dream excluding so much of life, just as there starving are being denied even the slightest experience of life, of self development. I am living an illusion as non awareness of myself as life, like I have the most amazing tool as the human physical body and this world to move and express and instead I turn and choose a dream, imagining myself to within a simplified picture of myself sitting in an “amazing” technological device, when I have this right here, as myself, as a physical human being on a physical planet.
Expectation is looking out and not moving within. I keep getting to this point and I find myself blank, staring, no knowledge and information will serve, there is only moving myself here, like the wet rag is there, but it is not a choice, it is the illusion. And I am afraid of the other.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel tired, to want to sleep: a sleep that is resistance.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I am standing between not wanting to move ( literally and figuratively-as in self honesty) yet the choice of pretending to a care actor is ignorance of what is real and thus not a value to be lived, a complete lie in separation from what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear both rejection and acceptance in and as being self honest, where being self honest is becoming self responsible and thus standing absolutely within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the uncertain will remain uncertain until able to stand in self honesty, and will be a barrage of the voice of uncertainty and unless I am stable within and as self honesty, I will be moved by this, just as I am moved by the idea of this here, as I write myself out, thus I fear my own self responsibility.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not what i think, and it is not what another thinks, in and as the mind, but with absolute certainty, as the living word, as the directive as what is best for all, the principle of oneness in equality, in and as breath that is what is real and uncertainty is only the separation of self from what is real, self as the sound of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to expectation, to want a road laid out before myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that  road laid out is a map, and thus a desire to know, when life is here aware of itself, where man has placed an idea of unknowing, just as the word suggests, the “know” is here, and the un has been added on, where to not know one must first know, thus is life here and only been rejected in and as a belief that life cannot be understood or known.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that also within unknowing is the act of no longer existing as an no, as the being of myself as negating myself as life, in and as being a memory, an image in and as my mind in separation from life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the physical is the tool to exist as the knowing that is me as myself here, as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that this sense of sadness, as the wet blanket/rag I allow to envelop myself here is myself  standing before my mother taking the mice and flushing them down the toilet, where I am asked to ignore what is real, what is here, and accept a fear, accept an idea, accept that this earth is “dirty” is filled with “wrongs” and that should I see mice as life, I will be treated with the action of hysteria, I will be corrected to fit within the values of belief that the natural world is the diseased, when in fact it is the minds of men that is the disease.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the machines of men, built with blinding headlights, stringing paved roads all over this earth on which to impose a blueprint of right and wrong, dirty and clean in and as ideas and beliefs that maintain an energetic grid that sucks this earth dry and depletes the soils of earth that are the life of earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am powerless in the face of the energy of the mind.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that it is the roads of men built on the face of this earth where the roadkill and the dirt exists, as it is the  dirt when placed on the earth that is the building blocks of life, rendered lifeless and “dirty” when placed on the surfaces built by men.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have sunk in that moment, to have sunk into and as giving up in and as myself, to have felt so powerless and to have had my hopes of surprise and awe of the mice to have not been lived, as I had experienced the opposite of my expectation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not considered the baby mice being baby mconsciousnessice that, in being babies, required the care of their mother.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become a character of hesitation, to be hesitant with others, to feel them out, to avoid a reaction of hysteria.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have also become the opposite , where at time I would say things to shock people, just to create the same shock I had experienced, and thus become spiteful of my own accepted and allowed behavior and wanting others to be the same, as though it made my own behavior seem justifiable because everyone else did this as well.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse nature, the earth.


I commit myself to realizing my own wet blanket created to absorb the crying of myself in fear.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that this blanket absorbing my tears, is myself absorbing my fear and carrying this as myself here, hiding in the face of beliefs, opinions and ideas that have created the nature of a species known as man, as the object on this earth in separation of life.
I commit myself to  realizing that one action in and as my past does not define myself here.
I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, to not define myself within idea, opinion and belief, to not become the character within a play of morality taught by and as and of  the confines of a system of borders competing for survival on an earth that gives plenty.
I commit myself to realizing all belief , opinion and idea bordered within survival are divisions from what is actually a land of plenty as this earth, an illusion accepted and allowed by a mind developed as the image and likeness of fear of self responsibility as self honesty as self as life, here.
I commit myself to realizing that the pavement of men, cannot exist without the earth.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Day 98 The character of the petrified deer standing in the headlights.



When was the first time I felt I had failed? I some up with a memory of running from the barn into the house, my hands filled with baby mice. Small and pink. I show them to my mother. She screams, the baby mice go down the toilet. I remember the shock. I remember the an expression on my face, complete abrupt confusion. An immediate abrupt change from joy to horror. I had caused a reaction of disgust and managed to have some baby mice to be flushed down a toilet. I remember the sides of my mouth turning into a frown, myself feeling dismayed, my eyes blinking, like a “deer in the headlights.” 
It had all happened so fast.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be surprised by what happens within and on this earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become conflicting emotions and feelings where I stand like a dear in the headlights.
I forgive myself  for allowing and accepting myself to not be able to speak when I am in situations where I am surprised.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel powerless when I am in situations/having experiences where I freeze/become petrified/ am like a deer in headlights unable to respond.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that, as in the event/experience from my childhood I am met with a reaction that is not what I imagined in and as my mind and within this I become petrified, like a deer standing in the headlights of an oncoming car.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be so involved with what I am expecting as an outcome in and as what I envision within my desire as a event/drama/outplay/scenario that I stop and stand in surprise and become like a deer standing in the headlights of a car and become forgetfulness of what is actually here, existing and moving physically  and within this am no longer able to accept what is actually real, physically, and stand one and equal to.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when the outer world does not meet my inner expectations I freeze and stand like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car, where, since the car is on coming, the car has not yet reached me, and thus there is space within and as the story and thus there is myself within this able to move in common sense of what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear situations where I step outside of my comfort zone because I fear being like a deer standing in the headlights of an oncoming car, where within this become surprise/fear/out of sync with what is actually physically happening and thus separate myself from what is actually physically real as the outer world is not matching the idea/belief/opinion/imagined outcome I had dreamed/wanted/expected in and as my mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself for my own ignorance when I am in a situation where what transpires within the physical world is not aligned with what was imagined within my mind.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have a memory where I am a child standing in front of my mother, with a handful of baby mice , where I become life a deer standing in the headlights of an oncoming car, as my mother does not stop to see the baby mice, but sees vermin and takes these baby mice and flushes them down the toilet.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself for not having realized and responded to the situation and instead had become so surprised that the reaction from my mother was not what I expected that I froze and became confused with what was physically happening and the imagined response I had expected.



I commit myself to breathing, to realizing an expectation in and as the imaginings of my mind and what is actually physically here as this physical world.
I commit myself to breathing, self forgiveness and  self corrective application to enable myself to see, realize and physically understand the space between my self and the headlights on the oncoming physical reality - so to speak.
I commit myself to realizing that in being a “deer standing in the headlights of an oncoming car” I am standing within an expectation and thus, am surprised when the outer physical world is not meeting my own imagined expectation.
I commit myself  to breathing, so that I am here one and equal to this physical world and not existing within an expectation, using my common sense in and as myself one and equal to my human physical body where I have the capacity in and as being here within and as a human physical body to move my legs and step out of the headlights of the oncoming car, visible as the lights oncoming as what reveals the existence of the car.