Sunday, January 31, 2016

Day 680 The process of what I allow within and as me.

In the process of self forgiveness, in begin to realize how much I determine who and what I am in a moment. Before, I would be so lost in ideas, beliefs and opinions, finding one to define who and what I am. It is like using myself within to form a measure that defines me.  I was not accepting myself as what I am here. It is in effect, following an entity of measure that has no real grounding in the physical practical reality.

Two things I have noticed in relation to this is the movement of myself within, and how this can fixate on a form through the inability of myself to use my will to take in a different measure about something. Specifically in doing number problems! In order to hold a number value within me, and multiply or subtract without the aid of a machine, took a lot of effort. With practice of holding values and doing calculations, it became easier and easier to do. I realized that I was changing what I held as me within me. I asked myself why this was so difficult in the beginning? Why did it appear to be so difficult? What was I holding onto that made the move away from that into reforming what the focus of myself was within me onto the math? I had to use all the will power I had. With practice, things began to change.

This brought up the realization that I, and only me, determines what I am within and as myself. I can allow my scattered focus on ideas, beliefs and opinions to determine what and who I am, or I can slow down and reflect what is around me as a form of information, or an object in my immediate environment, or both! Within this, I can sense what resistances are there in opposition to the willing of myself to focus on what is here. 

No one can do this or us, but ourselves. And, the information about what is practical, is always around us, as this is a physical world. When I sense an inability to focus, I can slow down, assess the resistance, and bring myself here to understand what is here, be it a belief as this action in another or a belief I hold within  myself, or in the physical components of this world here around me. I can do this with words and numbers. And it means, overall, since I am the one who controls this, that nothing can define and determine who and what I am. In the end, I am change, I am capacity, and I am here. 

The point of the destini i process is to slow down, to breath, to script out the measure of what one has accepted within, and to then self correct into what would not only gift one’s self, self direction, but also, practice realizing what actions enable self to become present in reality where it is that one gets things done. This overall, is very self empowering.

This week I attended two gatherings. In one, I heard the statement “ why was I never told this?”  If we are directing ourselves in this world, and we come across information that we react to with such a statement, can we ask ourselves what we focused on that denied us awareness of such information, and then begin to assess how we missed what was always right in front of us? What did we accept as who and what we believed ourselves to be? Where were we?

In the second gathering I described a picture of what behaviors of belief lead us to and towards, in an indirect way, based on my own experience of having lived in my own self interests without consideration towards what I was allowing and accepting as what informed/defined who and what  I am as where my focus rested.  The silence was there, more in a self assessment than a reaction. In this moment it was more of what I was within myself that I want to review openly.  Normally, I would move into fear, into uncertainty in such a silence, because of what I believed was not being validated.  I, instead, breathed, slowed way down, and looked at what I had said, to cross reference my own clarity. My goal was to make something evident as a movement and that was all. I told my story.  I asked myself, could I stand by this and give greater detail if asked. Yes. Thus, I stood within what I had said, grounded, without worrying about reactions around me.  I did not need to build a protection and defense shield, I could remain fluid and present.  

Overall, it is really cool to realize that I determine what I am within me. I can stand here, practically and decide how I am within what I express, and change. If anything, emotions and feelings are gifts to show me where I am inferior to being stable and grounded, and where I separate from being present in what can stand through a scattered self lost in a limited measure in relation to practical reality.  That shield of protection and self defense within me, is my resistance to change. I can as who and what I am, unfold myself within to accept what opens all channels of belief, and reforms into a presence that can be more constant. It is the choice to step off the roller coaster of emotional storms and to process a scattered self into a more stable expression. 

The irony is that the scattered self is a weight that lingers in its accumulation. The self that changes and assesses, reflects and self realizes, moves with more ease, the resistance being the accumulated weight of a lack of real self responsibility. One can become aware of this in the physical body, if one chooses to look. Walking the destini i process, is the means of self realization, and that self realization is the means to open that weight, reform it, and accept a self expression that moves with solutions that empower the self to be more present and self directed in this life, here. 

Friday, January 22, 2016

Day 679 Opening the Chest To Heaven on Earth.

At the moment I read books where I realize there are comparisons that appear to spin in  a contradiction, making some things within the association have meaning that is not at all clear. Defining the words and making sense out of a spin as an idea, means speaking up and pointing out the discrepancies.  It is a process of defining the parts , which is defining the words, and aligning them with practical reality. I can see where a child would meet with more of the same spin even if they tried to catch all the words and the sounds and align them, having to work with the words and order them and then speak up. This design would be very difficult for any child.

For this reason we cannot really blame anyone, we can only go back, and sort out the layers of information ourselves. And the information is in every move we make, in every word we speak, in every thought we have moving through our conscious minds, as this is a reflection of the measure of what we have accepted and allowed; we personify what we believed, we personify our stories that are based on the past of ourselves and those that came before us. We are the creators of what is here as the present system. 

We can decompose this and equalize ourselves to the physical world, respecting it as the same as us, as the starting point and build heaven on earth. It would be like being born into heaven, removing the gap of separation from being equal to creation as the physical. We can remove the suffering and the belief that holds it in place that we learn through suffering.  Suffering is really just that baby missing a step, to then right themselves and move into walking. We have aggrandized the fall, and built a religion around it. That is the illusion. 

Within myself I can move into joy, the joy of expression of life, through breathing, through slowing down, through walking through the layers of the information that is the personality I live in every moment, so visible and so forgivable, to ground myself here, equal and one within breathing-in with a presence of myself here, and taking the time to sort out the information so that I am clear in respecting this real actual physical world around me. I need not fear the confusion, as the information of survival in separation from who I really am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hate myself for participating in limited knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush, through my chest area, in an excitement that is a fear, and a desire to understand, and yet even within this initial drive, from my hard drive, as my breath and presence here, to see realize and understand that as a young child sorting this out with a cross reference, would have been very difficult, within using the code as words to order, which I probably did not yet have enough of and as within me, to do so.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel depressed within and as this, as a sense that I am pressing down on myself from my eyes and the back of my head.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even in high school I could see that I was doing this, moving into the story around me, via the voicings of the people around me, to get along and go along. where as I walked up to the group, I took a breath, and stood with the story, imitating it, to be able to participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that wanting to participate made it all okay.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move within and as my chest area, in a kind of rushing, upward-like to stand in a construct of information in order to participate in the world around me, as though this upward thrust within and as my chest area,  was me stepping into a survival suit, where this took a huge effort, because this was myself suppressing myself in fear of facing the storm of the personality of and as this in others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as my eye area, there is this sense of pity, like a ‘ I am sorriness’ which is really a sense of suppression to only see limited values as I choose information to direct myself in an effort to get along and go along as somewhere in my past I believed sorting things out was not possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my shame is a sense of futility where I sink in and as my chest area, as what I expected within self directing in limited knowledge and information of ideological values,  as somehow this was not moving into expectations in a narrow focus or in a sense of reaching mutual clarity, as though somehow I realized the connection was not sound, stable, clear and within this I accepted less than believing it would be sorted out at some point not seeing realizing and understanding that deconstruction and reconstruction takes time and equal participation from a separation as a starting point.

When and as I find myself ‘ pushing myself up’ as a movement within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the measure of personification I have accepted and allowed within and as me, remaining in breath and grounded, and walk, in respect of this real physical world that is the information of life in expression, here, as this is me, and this is recognizing the means of myself as life here into eternity.

When and as I find myself approaching another, within and as ‘ lifting myself up’ within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I asses how I am, as a measure of belief, opinions and ideas, directing myself as though I am moving into limited and separated knowledge and information to self direct, and I sense the suppression of being present, and I ground myself here, until the pressure building in and as my chest area beings to clear, realizing that I can listen, and understand and practice directing in ways that bring an intimacy as a clearness in being present here, a presence that senses racing in values, and ignoring the ease of being grounded here,  as much as I am able to remove the view of ideas, beliefs and opinions I have accepted and allowed to define me.

When and as I find myself moving within and as rising up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I no longer allow myself to suppress myself into only moving as knowledge and information as a measure of values, as I assess what I have accepted and allowed, and what is the movement around me, and the physical, until I become the practice of understanding within and as what allows an absence of suppression and racing into a projection of an end goal as the self interest I accepted, and instead enlightens myself into ease and clarity, calm and stability here, as that which is equal and one to here, the physical to realize in thought word and deed heaven on earth.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Day 678 Who am I Within How I Focus Myself Here?

I notice I have something accumulating in my solar plexus. I woke after clicking on a tarot card notice that brought up the card ‘ comparison.’

And I have been worried about money. 

It is this idea that I am limited in my movements based on the amount of money I have at present. And yet, when I look at this, I am moving in many ways, setting up appointments and following through, which is the way and the means of building movement that leads to an outcome.

I notice that when I begin to self doubt, I begin to compare. Then I am caught up in weighing and measuring within limited values, in fear of failure. I can look at this word and change it to be defined in supportive ways.  I see the word ‘ ail’ within this word and the word ‘ur’ , as meaning the ailment of the starting point, which is moving within limitations; limitations being value judgements as my ur-sprung point!. I am comparing myself to another form, and believing that perhaps because my form does not meet that form, there is something wrong. I must tell myself there is never one way. Being creative means finding new and/or other ways.  As it is all about building relationships that are stable. If I look at chemistry, there are many different shapes and sizes that can come together, like a puzzle and create a form that functions with ease in this world. There are many ways to fill in the gaps.  This gap filling can meet in the middle, one supporting the other, being of the same nature yet with different means. Thus I cannot really compare myself to another form and yet I can learn from another form.This really is a perfect design.

If money represents the energy I accept and allow as the division of myself within the act of comparison in a narrow focus of beliefs, I move into survival and lose attention to a starting point of inferiority within my own natural ability to assess and evaluate and investigate and create.  And, I allow a whole chain reaction of values about myself based on ideas that become a seemingly endless cycle of comparison. My relationships of trust, can be created with individuals and with small groups, where the energy/support flows in manageable ways, extending my presence through another vein of the form of the structures on this physical world. 

Within music, as within performing, there is this point where I realized that I form the sound, I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and form the sound, realizing I can decide the ending and the starting of the notes, and how the volume of the form as the sound can express itself. I notice that my attention within making this decision,  can accelerate when I make the decision to attend to what it is that I am doing in a moment. I have the ability to be aware of what I sound in every moment. And it is the decision to do this, that then opens up that ability to assess and balance. Starting from a point of insecurity and worrying about what another has or does or thinks, does not allow myself to focus on every nuance of what it is that I myself am doing! Also, within making the decision to focus on what I am doing within the very measure of what I am creating, has a sudden nature of being able to not only assess my measure but also, the measure of another as the values they are creating. It is that this decision to focus removes the judgement and opens up discernment. There is a kind of irony here, within this, because in so many ways this is the opposite of following only!  This opens up real participation, and real participation is the means of expansion in self discovery of the qualities of being present and using a natural ability to discern and self direct in substantive ways.

When I allow myself to participate, in the manner of being self responsible, I realize my natural ability to change, that I can assess what is here, practicing myself back into what is a natural ability to change, and realizing that remaining focused here, is what allows that natural ability to change, to move. It is to say the answer is in being what I fear the most, which is being self responsible here, naming the game and changing the game within common sense of what I would want, which is what is best for me, and as a consequence in considering here, what is best for all.

In all, being here is natural, allowing comparison within an idea of one-size-fits-all is unnatural. This means that I need not hold onto any imagined values only, because in focusing on the values of what is here as the physical as a starting point,  I need not hold onto anything, and realize that within this, I have a greater discernment and a natural compassion that is gentle because it realizes that being present and assessing what is here as the physical world, is where solutions are formed and lived and this natural ability to do so is found within being present and focused, placing my creative ability within reality.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Day 677 What are you auditioning with yourself?

At times, recently, I am in a situation where information is ‘ coming at me’ and I suddenly feel overwhelmed. Numerous thoughts comes up, each one not myself standing here, assessing what is here.  I want to make some value huge, where I go into doom and gloom , or specifically, feel that I have to catch up, like there is not enough time to assess. This in itself is a belief, an idea. Yes, it may take some time, yet it is possible.  Perfect practice makes perfect.

When this happens, the only choice is to assess, to slow way down and become the directive principle of myself as life, meaning to look at the measure presented, the data constructing the picture. Ultimately a reflection of reality.

Often, and I have said this before, and at times forgotten to utilize this point, that within music, when a passage seemed too much, as in too fast, that I could open up the space. Meaning the measure of the information has all this space around it, and I can use that space to move from one thing to the next.  That aspect, as a perspective  of realizing space and within that, that I can assess what is here, listen, and take in the measure in a normal and practical way, which is a way to order into moving here in the physical, because the physical moves in practically measurable ways! This means giving no material promise to the label/refection/idea of a limitation that makes something huge in my mind, in my experience of who and what I am.

When the time warp happens into a fear of not understanding, with the voice of ‘ there is not enough time’  having lived in a competitive survival mode for so long, it appears impossible to change, yet if I open up, which is to slow down and assess/ double-check/ take-in-the-practical, just past that point of the fear, suddenly the measure opens up and with it, the ability to see whole new ways. Here, I can again cross reference, and check. There is enough space. It is like there is an eternity to assess. 

Imagine if we all utilized this? Imagine what kind of world we could create? Imagine if we could all slow down with every step we take and cross reference the actual real world around us? Imagine if we could objectively look and take in the structural forms of the present system, as how money flows, and realize it for the scam that it is and a mirror image of our own self interests that are a misaligned use of our innate power? Imagine if we could realize that our ability to be and do this, is us using our presence to understand and then to evaluate and reconstruct our actions in such a way that a balance is created where everything on this earth realizes the value of each thing being the means of maintaining a steady ease for each part?

As humans we live in a mind consciousness that is us in separation from the gift of a presence that is the very nature of creation. And creation is by nature something that forms and changes. We allow ourselves to be placed in a box for many hours during our formative years, to become an information that is limited and moved at a pace that slows down the natural ability of our presence to change, to assess, to create. Ask yourself what it is that takes in the metered measure of information imparted in a box for many years? What is that?

Do you check your gut as you go out into the world and audition the measure of your information, as your education as that which you accepted and allowed to be educed, or drawn out as the formation of the presence that is you? Is the movement that is you, as you audition, or sound yourself, as your words, as the reflections you impose on those around you,  clear and in tune? Is the sound pure? Can you realize that structure as information within and at the same time cross reference the movement around you as this world? I mean, is this not what people do who perform in an orchestra, for example? And does this not mean that this is your capacity? Who and what are you allowing to determine what this presence auditions within this life?

What would it be like to have this instrument that is what you are, an instrument of life, function in full employment? Meaning, every part of you was so focused here, that the sound would be so pure and so clear that each transformation would be met with joy! Would this be the absence of fear and a gratefulness for all things?

It is time that we created such a world, realizing that we are the power of creation, and that that power exists because of everything that is around us. 

It is time to walk out of a mind consciousness of limited information. It is time to forgive the self for accepting and allowing limited information, to ground one’s self back into equality and oneness with this life, this world, this physical formation called earth.

It is time to bring that chaos of limitation as information back into focus of reality as the physical world that surrounds us.

It is time to take the time to pull in the reigns of separation as measure as belief, opinion and idea in a bubble that ebbs and flows as judgement instead of respect and equal consideration to balance out one’s presence and begin the process of auditioning a self equal and one to life as the physical.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Day 676 Becoming aware of emotional/feeling bodies on my physical body. Who am I within Presence?

Lately, I have noticed while interacting with others, that a moment can happen that appears like a swoon, as how I want to describe it. It happened specifically while sitting with another person, where I noticed their body swung in my direction and they laughed. It appeared like a movement coming towards me, one that I could respond to or not.

I also noticed this week, that while I was talking to a group, that within scanning the group, I had a couple of imagination/voices/ideas come up in relation to some of the people in the group.
What corrective statements I have written out within walking the destini i process helped me to ground myself back into what I was doing.

These imagination/voices/projections were not myself being present and focused on the context of what I was doing. These inner projections/voices/idea ‘ entities’ had nothing to do with myself and were not the ground on which I stood in that moment.

I could begin to see this effect on my body, as it was as though that ‘ swoon’ was around me as me, I reminded myself where I was, and who I was and what I was doing in that moment.

I realize I was in the process of balancing out the mind, physical and self, to ground myself in being present. 

I is interesting as what helps me within this, is my musical training. Why? Within playing in a group, one must learn to extend one’s presence to the other sounds as all the instruments in the group. They are a moving measure, intertwined and formed. This helps myself, as what I am doing, remain balanced within the whole. Within this, I am myself, and I am all the other parts too. If I separate from this awareness, I begin to lose my sense of place. I cannot blame anything around me, as it is my self responsibility to remain grounded in the moment. Nothing can distract me unless I accept and allow it. And, since I can sense the parts and the whole, and move within this, checking this and checking that within and without, my capacity has no bounds unless I limited this presence. I determine my focus, my presence.  

This presence, is so fluid, that it can sense when I am not focused, it can sense what I am being, what I am allowing within myself. It can sense what moves through the mind, as the thoughts as the back chats and the imaginations and the projections, just as I did when speaking to a group. None of this comes from without, it comes from within. Yet, as in sitting with another in close proximity, I can notice a change in the person, the parts of which is the details I may not pick up, and yet I can understand that this is the same as myself, a momentary projection directing the experience. Even this need not define who and what I am.

Within this, I, before walking the process of self forgiveness, writing and self correction as the very measure of me as thoughts, words and deeds,  very often complained about the spatial awareness of people around me.  As an adult, I often wondered as to why the adults around me and my friends were losing their spatial awareness. This manifested in my friends and strangers not being able to do the simplest of tasks that required spatial ability. It was one of the questions that was always there. 

In an interview on Eqafe,  emotional and feeling body effects are likened to a train running on tracks on the earth’s surface. When we are near the train moving on tracks, we can feel the vibrations of the train through the earth’s surface.  Those thoughts/imagination/projections as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are polarized into emotions and feelings as fearing some form can define me, and/or running to some form as an idea can define/promise, are not myself being present here. In effect, they are what separates myself from expressing myself in normal ways here.  It really begins to be like walking through the valley of shadows, and the ‘ shadows ‘ can be sensed just as the reverberations of the train moving along the tracks through the earth.

Such ephemeral shadows, can be a gift. These ephemeral presences that rush and dissipate as they have no real presence, can be grounded back into what is normal, as being present here, within the means to self direct as that which senses this, as that which senses the physical world around me! 

Thus, I can, in every moment, ground myself in what is normal, in the practice of being present here, no longer allowing judgments about a good or a bad to define who and what I am, as the practice of being myself here is expressing consideration for all things within what I would want for myself . This is respecting all things as the physical world, being equal and one with and as it. to direct my actions in ways that do no harm. 

Emotional and Feeling Energy is created by your Mind Conscious System.  Are you running towards empty as memorized mis-takes on reality, as self judgements, or are you here, present, living, breathing, calm?  

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Day 675 Where is the presence of me?

I have been talking a deconstruction of the order of belief, as the construction that sounds itself as the thoughts in and as my mind, as the very measure of my perception within my experiences in my life. The latest deconstruction of what I accepted and allowed has the word compassion that keeps coming up. I have the sense that I used compassion in protection and self defense. And yet, within this, I kept things at bay, meaning I simply did not look. I preferred the remain in some silent place within me. I remember that when I would get sick, I preferred to be left alone, and to climb into myself where there was quiet.

I have this behavior, as in what I have as a from within and as me, as a collection of beliefs that are often reactions to not looking. Not looking means that I abdicated myself. This means that I had to follow because if I did not look, what was it that I then used to direct who and what I am here?  Hiding means that to be here, I had to follow something!  In not looking, I was dodging, which is a busyness, an occupation, in itself! 

If i place myself into the role of being objective about this, and imagine myself facing this state of being in another, what would that be like? What would it be like to face a dodger? It would be like standing on a slippery slope, or walking in a mirage, where what is essentially an inner form - as that state of being- is morphing- moving here and there, moving all over the place just to avoid having developed the habit of hiding, which is dodging, which is moving as beliefs within one’s self, which is not being present in the practical, which is a disrespect of the life around one that is the same as one, that is the same as me. And probably doing the same thing. Hence, being a dodger is like not being grounded, because I am so busy in judgement, for which I cannot remember why and where in exact detail,  that not only is this a habit, like running ticking clock that I would up myself, yet also, a separation from my full and true potential. Ironically this means I am running from myself. This means I am occupied with running from life, and the behaviors have the consequence of missing the practical. It creates a scenario where I am occupied with a movie in my mind, generated by me. It is me, running on default. It is me running on and as a fallen self from respecting all things and being here, using this same ability to sense transferred into hiding,  that is a compassionate self moving in protection and self defense, fighting against life, against myself.

I remember a time, as I stood in a hallway of an apartment I lived in. I was thinking about my husband, trying to figure out what was going on. I stopped there in that hallway, it was mid-day, the sun, from the long summer equinox days, was really bright and strong. For some reason, I remember that I had seen a mother duck with duckings walking on the sidewalks. Everyone stood to the side and let them pass. Then, there I was in that hallway, with all that light that lasted until ten o’clock at night.  The world seemed so alive in that moment, so much bigger than me in that hall way with all that light. It was so joyous the world around me. Then it hit me, for some reason in that moment, that we create everything. Everything that is, is something we create.  Everything that exists we create. It is how it should be, that the means to understanding is through creation and that this is the only way. 

I notice that my chest tightens up and the voices of limitation spin in my mind when I stop being fluid here, meaning when I begin to use compassion in protection and self defense. This means when I start resisting what is here, not sorting it out, in detail, in specificity in practical terms. This means I begin to blame and to spite, because my expectations, which is self interest, came before slowing down and taking the space and time to realize the measure of what is probably a slippery slope in front of me. I have to move through the eye of the needle, without any fear, and before I make a decision, assess the measure around me, within and without. I have to slow way down and move as the measure to begin to see the form and within this, realize what form, what movement, what state would consider a directive that does no harm, a directive that grounds in practical application in a physical creation, as creation would be a form. To believe that some lighted world on top of the physical is life, is the opposite of life.  I mean, do all those lights placed all over the physical,  are they the means of the creation of oxygen for you to breath, or is that tree the means of oxygen for you to breath?  Those pretty lights are the ideas from an entity within of beliefs, opinions an ideas, that is the self hiding from the physical, from creation, from life. 

I have to practice slowing down from following a entity of belief, that I accepted and allowed and created. I have to change my compassion in protection and self defense into assessing this reality, into respecting that tree, in realizing the practical application of that tree, as what is most important, more important than those lights and what they have come to mean as a symbol that is a conjecture composed of beliefs and opinions and ideas, that are in separation from life, from respecting the physical world.  And, yes, those lights suck the life from the physical. They will die, simply cease to exist, one the substance of the physical is sucked out in the order of believing that those lights are more than the physical. It really is that simple.

When I tense up in my chest, it is like a switch into  spite and blame, protection and self defense, naming a separation instead of grounding a separation into the practical. What I can do, is slow down, say no, say stop, and realize I will lose nothing as the ideas, beliefs and opinions, are not myself being present here. I have to use my will, to place myself here, and to transform myself into being present in respect of the physical world.  I have to realize the joy of creation, because it is a joy. I have to bring myself out of that sharply lit heaven I have accepted and allowed as stories of a creator being separate from me that have a consequence of self abdication in self responsibility that are evident in a chatter of spite and blame, self pity with an undercurrent of shame because we all understand that we are doing this, for which there is no excuse, and take back myself  as life, as the means to work with and as what I am, which is creation in formation as the physical. 

When I tense up in my chest, I am not being self honest, I am occupied with a construction of limited values and the consequential resistance to all things, I am acting in self interest in a survival mode, I am not present here, in equality and oneness which is being self honest as what I am, which is a physical beingness, because this is life in formation, the very means of my expression.

I can write out what I have accepted and allowed everyday, to practice in word creating thoughts composing deeds every day, to script myself back into equality and oneness to and with life as the physical. I can become equal to myself as life.  I can practice regrounding myself back into an awareness that the tree is life and the lights are a means to maintain a projection of belief, because the lights are simply lights, they have no other meaning but the spell of the stories projected onto them by others and myself, as that is a state of hiding from respecting and realizing the physical world is life in formation which is creation.  My words can become living words, which means my words reference what is practical as what is the application of standing equal and one to the physical. 

Friday, January 1, 2016

Day 674 Value judgements as the data I allowed to define me in fear of being self responsible.

I looked at a memory that came up in relation to friend of mine of many years, that I do not have much to do with even though we live very close to one another.  I remember as a teenager that I would become annoyed with her because she tended to disappear suddenly when I was with other teenagers in the area where I spent my summers.  I remember becoming frustrated that this peer removed herself from the group in random and sudden ways. I felt as though that I was not good enough for her, and by association, when she was not there, I was missing something. I placed some value on her that I believed I lost when she was not present.

I ask myself what the values are that I projected onto her? I felt that she had grace and awareness that I did not have. And instead of listening to her, as in understanding her perspective, I made it into something that I lacked. Instead of standing up and realizing the measure of her insight, I allowed myself to believe that if I were not her steady friend it meant that I lacked that quality and others would realize this and I would be discovered to lack something.

I tend to use the words gentle and grace a lot in terms of what I deem important in others, I even have done this with my choices of men. I project a simple grace onto others believing that I somehow lack this. And yet, at times, when I was most calm, and relaxed, I could come forward and speak in ways that solved problems and calmed emotional storms, thus to say that I lack the steady insight that often needs no real force to show insight, is not something that I lack. 

I find I have a fear within being this.  And I have a sense, like in a video game when one has to move a figure though swinging doors, or swinging bolders of rock, that one has to time the move in such a way that the action figure manages to make it through the tricky ‘ gate’  in the way to their goal. A sense of fear of not making it through comes up. And, even within this, I have experienced being calm, watching the pattern of the obstacles movement and gently moving through it with ease. 

Hence, this is myself, when in fear, when in uncertainty, seeing the idea of not making it through over being present and sensing the space and the time in the physical movement. What I project onto this is an entity of ideas, beliefs and opinions in fear of loss and consequences of this loss made into this huge vision within me. Moving through the swinging rocks or doors, is a form, it is a shape, it has a rhythm, it has space between the movements, one can move through that space. One can sense that space, unless one believes the movie in one’s mind to be more real than the physical world one faces.

In relation to my friend, I realize that  what I projected onto her, was about me and not her. Also, there is an element of understanding that she disappeared because she was the same as myself, now that I have known her for many years.  It is having allowed information as ideas, beliefs and opinions within to be the guide instead of being here, in the physical, understanding from and function of physical reality, where, unfortunately there are many swinging doors and swinging rocks because I have allowed ideas, beliefs and opinions to be more real that what was actually real around me, as the physical. And the consequence of this lack of being present and gentle and careful in assessing the physical world as what one projected as a mind consciousness of fear based on lacking attention to the physical, and imposing a huge idea onto reality, has caused a systemic design that blocks access to being able to move unless one understands that system. And why, because unless one is grounded in reality, one does not have the responsibility to direct in ways that do no harm. The elite of this world have a  system to protect them from those who have allowed a mind consciousness of False Evidence Appearing Real as ideas, beliefs and opinions in the mind CONscience to direct the machine of one’s physical body, and this directive is too busy in fear, in that false information as measure, to be allowed to move onto the next level because there is no real self responsibility. Hence the elite try and order this world in a way that controls that lack in each. And, they are in the interim in fear of losing what they have, and end up projecting this same fear onto everything. So every one is fearing everyone else, which overall is a misuse of one’s physical body and memory into a separation from reality, the physical. This is that valley of the shadow of good and evil, this is the storm on earth, this is why heaven could exist and yet does not exist on this earth, on this reality.

What I projected onto my friend as having, was what I rejected within myself, because it meant that I had to face the storm of separation as the bubbles of beliefs that cover the earth as this mind consciousness of fear, of believing some information based on a picture in one’s mind , as memory, to be more real than reality. The emotions and feelings that one vents, as one can only speak what one is, as one can only form the information that is you, and that one perpetually sounds, as this is what is accepted and allowed, all the tensions and “ pulls’ into value as the colors one uses, intensified with staccato sounds, or elongated slurs,  will always reveal what measure one accepts, and the lack of definition in one’s sound structures as one’s words, through what we speak. 

Everything is heard, just as the inner whine I had about my friend, where I was crying my own lack,  chasing a value I believed my friend to have, ignoring the means as the values to realize myself because I feared really looking at what I was doing because it meant that I had to forgive what I accepted and stand up and be responsible. The irony is that what I sought was already me, I had just warped it into a distant value, way off there somewhere outside of me, via imagery, like a shattered self, like that humpty dumpty character in children’s stories. I mean those stories are there for a reason, so we cannot blame anyone for our lack, because the answers are always right in front of us. We have to become the directors of our within, and make sure it is as that action figure, standing there, sensing the rhythm of the life that is right here in front of us, and simply walking through the physical with grace and awareness, of which our physical selves when focused here are the perfect forms to be and do. 

Would this not be what was meant by being the living word? Is not the living word the words of the values of those swinging rocks and/or doors, and would not that measure, that data that comes directly from the physical world, be the means to understand the measure in space and time and enable one to sense the rhythms and forms and move with ease? As has been said, it is but a veil that separates one from life.

If we were to call that shattered self the survival character, that sounds the measure of fear, as false beliefs and ideas and opinions that are the self not looking here as physical practical reality, and that shattered self that cries lack because that is the measure accepted and allowed, what if that cry were much like a micro wave on the waters of life that is in everything on this earth? What is that microwave of limitation as beliefs, opinions and ideas of a whine of lack, could infiltrate the physical waters of this earth, and just as a micro wave destroy the water molecules and end up shattering the physical world slowly over time until there was nothing left? What if the trees around us, placed all over this earth were growing weaker and weaker because of the behaviors of an inner consciousness that was of value judgements of lack and the gain hoped for in racing from the believed and accepted lack as idea , belief and opinion within and as one’s mind consciousness, that shook and wavered within the limitation, that was what really microwaved existence to the point where the physical world shattered and fell apart? We all know that water can carry resonance, so is this not possible? If we look around is this not what is happening?

There are people who are writing words and placing them onto vessels holding water. The problem here is that this is not that person taking responsibility within themselves within and as the measure of themselves within. And yet, the answer is to be that action figure, to ground one’s self here, equal to the measure of the physical, and to assess the physical and move within the space of the physical, no judgement except to understand the living quality of the physical thing.

This takes slowing down, becoming respectful of the physical, and being respectful is being thankful, is being graceful, is being gentle, to realize the values, the qualities before one, and to move in accord with that living thing. We can do this, we can assess what we have accepted and allowed as the ghost in the machine that is a Humpty Dumpty, a system of false evidence appearing to be real that if one looks has charged values that pull one into an alternate reality of measure that stops one from moving here in grace and ease, as is the capacity of self as a physical being, just as you learned to crawl and to walk, to pet an animal, to sense the quality of water, to enjoy the coolness of ice cream, all of this is the capacity of you as a physical form, the warped values are like a pull into an idea, that if this has been allowed has become a habit, automated, layered and determining of your actions. This can all be balanced and reformed, as your neurons will move and change, yet, this has to be done by each.

Ground yourself, breath, slow down, begin to see the entity of beliefs, opinions and ideas, begin to see what projections pull you into that constant conflict of value judgement, as this is self chasing a value that is already within and as what you really are. What you resist is what persists, because what you resist is the means to your self responsibility which is what you really seek, as this is what will calm the waters of life, within and without, and ground presence here, to enable the presence of you as life, to build an understanding of life, to become the creator you are meant to be. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my friend as having something I believed I did not have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered lacking in a quality such as being gentle which I associated with being aware and insightful, believing myself to lack this ability, within and as believing myself to be unworthy, when what I was busy with was a belief in a lack, based on a past where I rushed in desire not slowing down to assess the world around me, as I accepted and allowed an excitement to direct me as a value judgement in self interest, without slowing down to see, realize and understand the physical world around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this, become ashamed of myself, as within this, there is a presence that I am aware of what it is that I am doing as I allowed a fear of  failure based on the same actions that caused the mis-take to determine who and what I believed myself to me, and as a consequence accumulated a memory of lack, that was not grounded in the practical reality around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being present here, and to fear being labeled as not being good enough, as not being lucky enough, where luck simply means that I had enough information to direct to and towards what I desired, and the opposite as unluck simply means that I did not investigate enough to allow myself to accomplish a goal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase after another person and then to react to that person’s resistance instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this was about me, this reaction was my own self interest, based on an idea of who and what I was instead of being present here, applying practical applications that valued the physical characteristics of the life that was /is me that is all around me, where the rhythm and design and movement of that life is visible and able to be sensed and moved with and as in clarity and calm, and certainty and steadiness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear pointing this out against the storm of beliefs, opinions and ideas of and as entities that are ghosts  in the machine within men, creating hued men, as walking mind consciousness bubbles in separation from the practical reality, where the only solution is to ground myself, assess here, equalize my within to the without as what is here, and a system that is the consequence of the separation of men from reality, to within and as every breath, to remain in understanding with the physical, as this is the way and the means to ground the ideas , beliefs and opinions that I have allowed to define me, to move into being grounded in reality, seeing realizing and understanding that this is stabilizing the physical world that is what life is, as life would be physical information working in synergistic and symbiotic ways and means as creation would be and do, sharing the means of being as each can understand because all is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that it is too late,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is never too late, as creation is life, and life is built of sound information, hence the only way and means is to realize this, and to value the physical around me as me, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel I have wasted myself being a mind consciousness of self interest,   instead of realizing the value is life and remaining grounded in every move, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that facing the storm of separation as a mind consciousness infiltrating the waters of life in the wold around me is impossible to sort out, when the solution is to walk here, to remain grounded and to realize the practical in relation to respecting the physical world, and how I can build a memory of storied/layered information that is of value judgements in separation from the practice of assessing reality, which means that it is understood as to how this works, as the media uses this in self interest, as each is doing within themselves, to program layers of information that comes to direct the machine as the physical creating personalities that then assess in the present collection of data on each personality to order the system, yet this is overall a system of separation from the physical world, from life, and a system that will destroy the physical as it is not equal and one to the practice of living in creation, equal and one.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how that data collection is myself, as I collected data, as measure about my friend, in a desire to be associated with that data, I allowed to become a god of information that I then chased, not seeing realizing and understanding that I projected what I lacked onto another, as what I had rejected to be do and have, as the ability to assess the reality around me and move in self responsible ways, as this behavior was a self abdication that I turned into a smoke and mirrors show of chasing a desire and labeling myself as inferior, instead of slowing down and realizing I rejected the means I sought, as being grounded here in reality,, so I rejected what was me, what was my greatest strength and ended up chasing my own rejection,  which was overall a picture show within and as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that practice of being physical, as assessing the physical world around me, is the means to the end, as the grounding of myself here, which is fun, and the ability of myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to give up my own self pity that is a consequence of all of this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being happy, because I fear the joy of self responsibility will cause conflict within and as a world where a mind consciousness reigns as a paranormal entity as a ghost in the machine that screams its lack which is a measure, a layer of information, which we all see, realize and understand as we compare ourselves to others and project values as measures onto others and believe as I have done that that value is not what I am,  which is myself telling myself what I have rejected - as in what i have created within and as me-where the only solution is to ground myself here, no matter what, as this is being equal and one and in respect of life.

When and as I find myself becoming energy, as what a projection that is charged with a value judgement is within and as me, I stop, and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I become calm, gentle, steady, and I assess the measure of the physical world around me, to see the rhythm and form inherent in the design, and I become equal and one to the practical application of creation as the physical to realize that which does no harm and takes that which is good and respect the value being life, here.

When and as I find myself  longing for a value in the guise of desiring to be associated with another person, I stop and I breath, and I slow  myself down and I see, realize and understand what I fear, where I fear being myself as the capacity inherent in what and who I am, as the ability to assess the practical world as the physical here, and my own accepted and allowed energetic values and I ground this in the practical here, becoming the practice of allowing myself to be gentle, to be calm, to assess, investigate, become aware of, life, here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting to wanting to associate with someone or something, I stop and  I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize the value I have projected through association as a belief, opinion or idea, and I become calm, and assess the characteristics of the physical reality around me, and my habits of belief, until I am calm, stable, serene, steady, seeing realizing and understanding that all mis-takes can be corrected as this is how I learned to crawl and to walk, to build understanding here, thus in every moment I can slow down, assess and direct in ways that cause no harm as this is myself being in respect of creation, which is myself being thankful for the life that is me that is all around me as me, here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be at ease, to be happy, to be in joy of being here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I practice being grounded here, in respect of the physical and in cross reference of what I have accepted and allowed as value judgements within and as me, as the layered information that I use to assess in self interest, which reveals how I become the information I accept and allow in separation from considering all things and building an awareness that is layered with practical application in respect of the physical, to be and live in equality and oneness with and as life, which is to become the living word here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be practical in the face of limited information within and without, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that my fear is simply false evidence appearing real, as value judgements as fear of loss, as hope for a gain, as a label/construct of information I seek in self interest, and I come back down to earth, realizing the value is being here, equal and one to and as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the data, as the measure of my beliefs, opinions and ideas, flowing down from a mind consciousness into my solar plexus and into my chest, I stop and I breathe, and I ground myself here, assessing the physical world, to build self trust in being present here, equal and one to and as life as the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize where I exist within and as myself as a value judgement that is data, that I have accepted and allowed to layer within and as me, and I assess the wold around me, to consider all things, to become the change I want to see, in thought word and deed, until I am stable, calm, serene, grounded, present, and I direct within the practice of physical beingness, here.

When and as I find myself resisting what is here, I stop and I breath, and I assess within and without as the sum of the layered information I have accepted and allowed to define me in fear of survival and as a consequence an action of self interest , to instead become/practice a more synergistic action with myself in tandem with reality, which means to work in coordination with what is here, where the sum of the parts as including the physical, working together creates a whole expanding in awareness in thought word and deed in equality and oneness with creation information, the physical.