Friday, April 21, 2017

What does it mean to really know one's words Day 751

This morning I woke up and went into an imaginative doom and gloom scenario. I caught it and stopped, breathed, and looked at it. It was a presence behind me, I noticed how I leaned slightly forward physically. Then it hit me. It was like a tree of fear, composed of revenge, and worst case scenarios. My deep mind shadow state of being, with a consequence of no real presence and acknowledgement of the living reality around me.

Last night I had interacted with a  group of people. There were a couple who had a lot of ticks, physical kinks in a way. They had a hard time maintaining a consistent eye contact. One started to tell me of a marriage that was at least 34 years ago.  I can remain calm in this, yet I could say that before SF and SC and writing, I would have wanted to run from the room, not realizing what I was seeing, and absorbing it more, like a friction, a resonant friction that was too hard to bear. Myself wanting escape. At present, I have greater stability, and can hear this, and listen to such storms, even within myself and call them out by name, these trees of fear, these veins of fear, of a mis-take of life. All of them a math, as an accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions.  What would I be if I had created a tree of life within me, as me? A tree that reciprocated the living physical reality around me? Would I be more in synch with creation? It is not a question of would, it is a question of why I wouldn’t be, as it is common sense. 

It is interesting within the system, as I have just done my taxes. I have been doing them myself for a while. It is interesting to see the machinations of the system as it bullies and forces what feeds a few instead of what is best for all. At this point, if one does not abide by a one-size-fits-all-petro-chemcial based health care, and one opts out for some ‘ religious’ group, as a philosophical exemption has basically been removed behind some closed door, where no one in the state on all the levels seems to take responsibility and only passes it around,  that if one opts out, under the guise of religion, one is also making the choice to opt out of social security- that system of retirement, where the labor of men, collectively pool their digits for their labor into a system for retirement. If one opts out of health insurance, which has the layer of being under some religious belief ( like human fetal cells in vaccines) one also opts out of social security. I bet one must still continue to pay for it, from one’s job. How we cannot see the inherent corruption, the blatant corruption within this construct and stand up, really astounds me.  Also, there must be others that see this, because years ago, a bill was brought into the state senate for the choice of emergency health insurance only, which means that many people in this state worked together to not participate in allopathic medicine. Thus this method, that many are not wanting to participate within, and it is known,  make the choice to use it in extreme emergencies, yet opt out in the long term. What the system has done, that system of supposed care, is brought forward a construct that is being bullied and forced.  This is so corrupt it is astounding that the collective does not stand up and say no. Yet, there are many that must be doing so, because the forcing of this, is in deed a recognition that many are very aware of this. It is also interesting to note, that the CDC is supposedly bringing forward statements that the science behind their choices, is closed. This in itself is astounding. It is the reaction of being placed in a corner, which means that many are, again, in deed, speaking up and questioning what is being accepted for the collective. Unless there is the choice of balance, and no harm then the science is not yet sound. It is as simple as that. If we can understand how to develop a healthy race horse, and know what builds a healthy nutrient dense plant, then we know how we work on a basic level. I mean, we know what elements to pull from the ground to build things. A cook knows the most subtle of things to cook something. A mechanic knows all the parts and the fluids used in an engine. To say we cannot understand the body, the human body, is simply a misnomer. Choosing a belief in a lack in one area, and being common sense in another, breeds questions, and those questions are being asked, as the reaction of protection done with force and limited choices, reflects a push back on what is proposed. This should lend courage to everyone. It is time to be brave with consistency. It is a time to build a tree of real investigation and understanding, as too many children are suffering the consequences. Not to mention the animals and the living environment. 

Overall, my own ‘ tree ‘, accepted and allowed, of fear, of non real substantiation of life, of the practical, is the same. It is a focus on lack, a denial of common sense. The common sense all around me, and around all of us as the physical world. Of course, the solution is to rebuild. It is to build a tree of life within and as me. It is to stand as the practical, to realize the resonant seed of and as me as life. It is to see all the layers that build into what manifests as physical ‘ ticks’ that I could say are suppressions of mis-takes in understanding how all of this works.  It is to realize that the mis-takes, cannot define me unless I allow them, and that I can stand and listen, and recompose, resolving the fears, bringing them into the practical. It is to realize, as many are, that the physical world is abundant with provisions to stabilize the physical, in symbiotic ways,  creating a orchestra of balance as the sound of what does no harm, as this is the sound of creation, and our real ability. It is to forgive the fear, and to stand with what is balanced and substantive. This can be done, with words. We can, because it is what and who we really are, stand and hold the words that build a tree of life. It is our real birthright. What is so awesome is that we are the very means, and design to be and do this, and that this is more natural than the tree of fear, that tree that weighs us down, pulling our chests forward, that very chest, the means to lend compassion and patience and calm, and respect for who and what we really are. 

A musician that has mastered an instrument is understood as ‘ no longer having to think about it’, meaning, one does not hear them thinking. This has a quality of flow to it, such a mastery, I would suppose, is similar in athletics. If someone mastered their words, the same would happen, meaning, one would restore a direct seeing, and voice what was real, without hearing the weight of thinking. It is in a way, as I surmise in this moment,  like using words to describe this world, this living reality, the one in plain sight.  It would be communicating with and as this actual, real, tangible physical world surrounding us, the one producing the air we breath.  In this, words are of course, not that thing they describe, I want to say, in some ways they are a movement of conception, or a fine tuning.  Humans must master the very sounds as words we speak.  I mean, listen to the birds, they appear to me, to be so specific in what they sound.  Is speaking in clarity absent of any forcing, and present in what is a more stable, and eternal, focused sound? Is it more of a playfulness? Need one exist as fear within this state of musing?  Should one not speak for attention and more for bringing forth the beauty of clarity? When one has the opportunity to hear a musician that has mastered an instrument to such a degree that there is no thinking being heard, it is a pleasure, as it is so in tune, so present, it catches all one’s attention, and yet it does not demand attention.  It is also, from my humble experience, a state of greater ease,  because humans are anxious when they are uncertain, and happy when they are present, focused and balanced. Balanced with and towards what? The physical, the living reality in plain sight. 

Thank you for reading! 

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Every Moment is an Opportunity Day 750

I spent time with someone yesterday and had a cool moment in hearing their perspective, as what they have lived and done in their life. It was about being in a space where within the morality, a false morality, the voices in their head was that they should not be there, and yet, or, and also, a sense that of course they could be there. They were there, they were processing what was there, they were doing the doing of what being ‘ there’ involved.

This brought up this voice within me, that I have had before of and as ‘ this cannot be so”, meaning, somehow, what is before me, as what I am to believe, simply cannot be so. I was so involved in the thing I was seeing as something that should ‘ not be so’ and my own sense of that thing ‘ not being so’ , ONLY. It is like being stuck between two things and not seeing beyond them. 

And yet, if I look at music, at the process of building and expanding within music, I can move into more than what i allow within myself as my focus as a state of being within me, as ‘ it cannot be so.” I ask myself why I did not apply what I did with myself as my actions within playing, to the greater reality around me? How is it that I could be so stuck in a limited state of being in one area, and be doing what would be the way out in another? It is like having different languages going on, where one moves and another is stagnant. 

It is moving beyond what is, actually is, as a state of being, outside of a catch 22. 

In talking with the person, who realized they had a belief about their capacity, which was practical and common sensical, and at the same time be occupied with a firewall of belief, invisible, yet distracting, consuming, as the belief system around them, that made no sense in terms of real life doing and being, I realized how important it is for the instrument that is us, to be able to see more than reaction and nebulous acknowledgement within a narrow confines of a morality that is of polarized value judgements so consuming, and yet in living reality so intangible as a relationship, meaning, regulating behavior as the invisible and illusory is made visible, that to be able to do so, to be able to begin within a tiny movement, one must step into recognition of what self is, and what is believed to exist around one, as that invisible yet determining action held in place through the power of suggestion or presumption. 

In music, one must practice extension of the self into many forms, forms in synch and forms counter to what one is sounding, where that counter force actually helps define one’s shape and form thus counter action need not be resisted.  One must have the tools, and the momentum to catch the forms, to define the illusive and the practical, to be able to be present in the observation and movable in terms of being objective and subjective. This is the nature of self as utilizing one’s awareness and not allowing one’s self to get stuck in a narrow focus. Overall there is nothing wrong with moving into a narrow focus as this is how to check one’s self, and build a more perfect spell that becomes a sentence that one speaks to stabilize one’s self here. To be able to do this, is of such value. It is what so many pay so much for, and yet, it is so as of yet, clear but by more idea than practical application. Though the divide comes more into focus the more movement one makes, lives, applies into walking this within the simplest of things as practical applications that get the natural ability of men  moving through the eye of the needle as this movement implies, is a natural changeability, a natural insight ability, a natural presence.

This was what was so cool about what I experienced yesterday, to meet someone and to see them live a moment, though needing momentum, and the means to define, as remembering a state that questioned  the difference between common sense and a false morality that made no sense.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

What am I standing as? Day 749

So, there is this fear, it is such a wall, or appears to be so. Despite the life that is me, seeing this, at the same time, moving through this appears to be impossible. Yet, like any knot, some things take time to unwind. Opening them up to realize the twists and turns, is a part of the process. 

I ask myself, where am I holding onto a fear of loss, where am I comparing myself to someone or something, an idea or a person? Where am I rushing and expecting something other than what is right here? I realize in life, sometimes the means to the end is realized, yet all the meanderings involved in completing something some times run into glitches, which is okay, as this in essence is dealing with fine tuning the balance, and being patient in returning to a more natural presence in a real relationship with this physical reality. I remind myself that in not being present here, and instead reacting based on fear, is a state of missed opportunities, to realize the potency of life around me that is me. 

I notice that once I realize my own emotional firewalls, I can notice the same in others. There is a term called ‘ zone of proximal development.’ This means that one can only see what one has realized within one’s self and move from that point forward. What is cool about acknowledging my own emotional and feeling layered fire/energy wall, projected outwardly in protection and defense as fear, is that it is more natural to see the same in others, and even notice when I have lost them, or them me, depending on which way I choose to look at this. Realizing this, helps me to realize that I can change in a moment, and not fear standing as something, to understand and then change. After all, is not self forgiveness the restoration of a natural ability to process and as the nature of this, restore a natural changeability? I notice that, within practicing working with numbers, that my processing speeds improve, as momentum builds and I am more able to hold greater sequences within me, and move within them backwards and forwards. This is the learning process, and it is the same in learning all things. once momentum builds, more insight is gained, which is the whole ‘ sum of all parts’ coming into a greater recognition and therefor greater processing ability. One must practice the small, even within slow and ‘ faster’ processing and master this within one’s self. Sounds like being able to be the ‘ moving through the eye of the needle’ as self as expression as a state of being able to consider all things, as the physical, to take that which is good and does no harm. And even within such recognition, to realize that i have no idea how far this can go. 

I have been looking at what I remember, how I remember during the day.. Sometimes I find myself realizing that I do not remember what i did a few minutes before, and I have to slow down and see where I was and why I do not remember, because I was not present in the physical. The physical as the real marker of life, as what is here, being present in and with what is here.  In a way, this reminds me of being a section leader in a musical group, and remaining grounded and stable within the form, as that state of focus being what is sustainable and grounding. It is using one’s will in a gentle and humble way. It breeds less work, as an idea of work. The fear is really the acceptance of an idea of a threat, and that threat made larger than life. In this, I can see where placing children in a  box, for 12 years, imprinting a story, is really a crime, a deep state crime against life. 

I was talking with someone in my world, and they were saying that they needed to study history through story. In other words, they cannot read about history as a direct history book. There are two aspects of this, as our history is written by the victors, and within this, there are contrary perspectives that have been so accepted there exists a normalcy bias, thus, counter narratives are actually illegal. This to me is suspect, like a lie being screamed, and the use of story to build a wall, which suggests something is being hidden with a purpose. Given the gross inequality placed through tiny steps over time, is it so far fetched to suspect what we are forced to believe is in itself a psychological game of mis-information? Where am I doing this within myself? And, how is this relationship I bring forward here, related to only being able to hold info in the form of a story, rather than direct reading of sequenced events? A story has a time line of events, of conflict and resolution, so a story holds an accepted inbuilt scaffold to guide into a form. 

Yet, the physical world is right here, and is the real story. The physical as what is hidden in plain sight and which stories of events are the tale told and what is considered to be normal, when they are not the story of creation as the physical. We all know, and understand that we are removed from nature. What is nature, but the physical real life story? I mean, why do a few, want to be creators, determining the story on the information highway? What is actually being done by the victors? They are telling a story, a sequence of events that build a picture of gain in self interest, playing with the physical as though it is here for them to manage, when inherent in the design is the means of management. This would be a direct relationship with each one, to the physical, the realization that the means of life, is the value, and the only choice is to work with the real visible story of creation as the physical world. In this, the media is a stream of the means of a consciousness of separation. 

A media is not a bad in itself, it is what it is within what is does, as what it expresses.. Does the media make us more aware or does it involve us in stories of information that do nothing to help us remember what we did, in real time, ten minutes ago? What is it that we allow ourselves to process? Are we in respect of this reality, or are we watching shadows on a wall in a self imposed cage, called the information highway, while our rivers and forests are drying up, and many animals becoming extinct? In some ways, if we look around, and watch, pay attention to nature, we can begin to realize how many of our trees are not as healthy as they could be. We have the natural sensibility to see this, to realize this. What is that in itself? 

I have to ask myself if the degree of my separation evident in the measure of my separation as an emotional firewall of energy that consumes the life that is me, to the extent that I cannot remember what i did then minutes ago? 

In this I have to practice standing as what i have accepted and allowed, and realize there is only the choice to be present here, grounding myself within calling out by name what i stand as, as a measure, and developing who and what I am as the potential of and as me, within and as rebuilding a relationship equal and one with the physical. 

Thank you for reading.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Day 748 Looking at frustration to realize my own fear.

That point where i become frustrated, I can use as a red flag , in terms of what behaviors I choose and use to direct myself within, as a moment. If I lose myself to frustration, I become inferior to myself, unequal to moving through the border of my ability to ‘ know the score’, or process the math, or use my common sense. This is realizing the border of my awareness, slowing down and realizing greater and more subtle detail, about the world around me. This is the point where I have to assess, investigate and make a choice to move, to self direct, not being hard on myself when I make a mis-take, as I have entered a new territory. Here, it is to focus myself, having a greater faith in the command of myself as who and what I am as a human being. The sensibilities of what I am, as physical life, as life in expression, to see, realize and understand here. Also, to cross reference my own synchronistic level with reality, and the reality around me. It is also to understand the levels of development, to listen to the focus of another, and move from that point forward as this is me in another life. Also, to realize that being in a situation where I impart my natural sensibility as the physical, if a form of physical learning, and thereby something that can move with greater efficiency - even though reading about something once mastering a certain level of awareness can be helpful, there is nothing like the abstract as ideas, beliefs and opinions made real through physical cross referencing. Meaning, what is an idea, must move in synch with the practical physical reality, and that with ease, otherwise force is used, and that is moving against working with something in harmony- which is actually realizing that one can leave nothing behind. It is all a beautiful design leading one forward, if each human being made the decision to respect all things, and live as the principle of what is best for all. 

This is what the practice of self forgiveness, writing and practical application, leading to a self directive capacity manifest as the real potential of men, is all about. This is the process, on could say, of removing the veil, that thing within, a resonant thing, that is too big to fit through the eye of the needle. Meaning to self realize self as life, equal and one to the physical, as this is all things and not only that bubble of information in one’s head, or one’s mind, or one’s consciousness. As that bubble is a consciousness of separation.  That degree of separation, a construct of limitation, as ideas, beliefs, and opinions,  destroys the physical body, as the self as the body,  moves counter to the physical, and degrades because it  essentially does not fit. This could be said to be a rejection of life. It is an outcome of being unequal to life. It is being unequal to the physical.

Back to my own review of when and as I find myself getting frustrated. In these moments, I have to assess, investigate and slow way down. In a recent encounter, I remember a moment of frustration, as a fear, where I stood back, physically stood up to stand more on the side. How I remember this tiny movement, was that I noticed a movement that I would call a kind of slow motion in another person. That moment where I sensed this, was the moment I stood back. I reacted, I did not want to face that ‘ measure’ of slow motion, where I felt the person moved in a thick soup, or a conceptual sluggishness - as I would call it in this moment. I reacted with resistance, or could I say fear- towards that ‘ entity’ of movement, of song, of math.  I wanted to run.  One could say, from one perspective that I feared this ‘ entity’ defining me. One could say that I allowed this ‘ entity’ to have authority over me.  Somehow, though this is true, it does not fit what i allowed. Also, I have to say, that I could go back and check my own movements, that I could catch this one moment, is cool. This process is cool. 

Again, back to this issue. lol.  I could say, I was like a snob, and did not want to go into that ‘ soup’ that construction, that math.  It might, like a virus, consume me, or so I believed. This attitude overall towards this, or, my perspective towards this, is telling in itself.  It is like stepping into a shadow, and realizing it need not define me, and directing the parts into looking at reality, to live in greater synchronicity with life. It is removing the tensions of fear that force protection instead of a command of self effectively.  I recognize on some level, the impetus of this reaction, made habit, practiced again and again, compounding and accumulating into no-longer-recognizing this behavior, burying it under blame and spite, hiding it in justifications, labeling the objects around me as the fault, when it was not myself, seeing directly and instead directing myself in-fear-ior to life.  I also notice shame and self hate, as I realize so often we are the hardest on ourselves, because we understand that we are the ones who did not slow down and practice resolution into calming the waters of fear. Meaning , in my case,  choosing to not address something because of a fear of punishment. There may be some desires there, that motivated this forward too, yet what I sense is that this is more a consequence of a fear of punishment. And, to realize that as a child, I probably did not have the vocabulary to voice, to vocalize what was happening. It is revelatory in the resonant sense, as it is colored more with an unnamed fear than something more defined. And yet, that ‘ entity’ that I label as being ‘ sluggish’ and soupy, is the same, it lacks real definition, it moves in slow motion.  Also, before I started self forgiveness, I spoke in terms of “ why does it appear to me that people are losing conceptual ability”, as one of the things I was saying to myself.  I also recognize that the same ‘ color’ or tenor’ of what I resisted, and as my movement into frustration, is the same or very similar. It is like a shadow on my heart. 

Did I accumulate knowledge and information, read and read and read many books to find a way through this? Did I run towards the means to an end, to avoid that same end? Did I sense on some level that I needed to process more in-formation, to face this storm of fear, or separation, and run from what was always right in front of me? Yes.  I can realize that I have worked with a dog that had a lot of behaviors of fear, where I patiently stood as a different behavior,  until the dog relaxed and moved with greater ease, and less reaction in an environment. This dog, becoming more and more accepting of people walking towards him to pet him, whereas in the beginning the dog would react, tense up, become restless, though exhibiting some caution and restraint at the same time. Overall, this change not something that can be transferred in any other way, but with and as the physical. Something that must happen on the ground - to note in relation to this of which I speak.  Thus, overall, I have the capacity to realize the red flag of resistance when I stand back and convince myself that something is impossible, which is really a point of frustration, that is what I have not faced, as the state of fear moving in a perpetual rhythm, and instead embracing the vocal point, and realizing where ‘ Goldilocks stands’ as the border of understanding, to then spell a sentence using words, that opens greater insight, of which I would want for myself, as such moments are so precious, they are often the most memorable, as being something hard to forget, as they have a great power. They are also the means to the end, and recognized with gratefulness as a part of the nature of them within me.

Overall, the more I realize, for which I am thankful within and as this process of journeying to life, the more I realize, that this has to be done on the ground, as though the network of men, must come back down to earth, which must be lived, on the ground- as I said.  Greed and a desire to control, must stop. What matters if building a network, that sees this reality directly, correcting the math, the inner structure to respect all things, removing the veil of separation of a lesser god/structural resonance/mind consciousness and thereby building communities of man who live equal and one with the physical, doing no harm, taking that which is good. This is priceless.

When and as I find myself moving into frustration, I stop, I face what I see as an ‘ entity’ of slow motion as something I have noticed with greater clarity, this having a quality of and as being heavy with fear, laden with ideas, beliefs and opinions, and I embrace the conception. I slow down and breathe, walk the form within and without, relate to the practical physical reality, deconstruct and reconstruct, embrace and accept, change and reform and keep my feet on the ground. I see, realize and understand that I can open my heart, and hear the “song”, that it need not define me, as I am flexible, to become more a measure of respecting life, here to realize the greatness of life, to life with more consistency what I have done in other moments, thereby becoming more constant in grounding my presence here. 

Monday, March 20, 2017

Day 747 My own structural resonance and emotional firewalls.

My own structural resonance and emotional firewalls.

I recently interacted with what I saw as a very large emotional firewall. I have had enough experience in my life that I realize in moments that it was not so much what I said, but more in how I said what I said. What I mean by this, is that there have been situations where I called something out by name with a calm, with an intent of making something clear more than some gain for myself. When I did this, I noticed I was more effective in my communication. 

Conversely, there have been similar situations where I spoke up and called something by name, but my starting point was more colored with a desire, or a self interest motivated of and as fear.  In these situations I had to face the consequences, because that color , or desire, or emotion was still present, it would either be sorted or allowed to accumulate further, as to allow such, was to not address what had within the law of compounding remained, as it had not been balanced out. This is within the math of what one resists persists. 

I also notice that I tend to be very hard on myself, thereby creating my own emotional firewall of self doubt and self blame, leading to a sense of self unworthiness. Then within me, anger grows and I begin to become frustrated and lash out, creating that which focused more on a lack, instead of remaining calm and balancing, or sorting myself out, realizing a mistake as a means to learn a more correct balance, leading to a consequence of more effective communication. Emotional ‘ firewalls’ are an imbalanced resonant inner structure, one of denial of self wholeness, or being focused in awareness of all things, as all things are self in another life because the substance is the same in all of us. When becoming emotional, instead of looking within myself, and resolving the math of me, as polarized and warped values, I notice I start to blame and spite objects around me as the default - often moving into using label - when it is myself who is not focused and in respect of life, calling things by what they are in their physical relationship. 

Within this, I realize that I continue to have some fear of this, within myself and facing this within others, facing that storm of imbalance,  an emotional firewall, as a way for me to call this by name and begin to sort this out within the point that I am at in the moment, here.   I must realize to a greater degree that this is a process, one that is concomitant, meaning that balancing things out will have moments of mis-take.What is always right there, within and as me, as that ability to speak within calling things by name with that more clear voice that can be heard through imbalances as emotional and feeling energies. I have experienced the difference in my life in moments, thus this can be done, so to not be too hard on myself.  I realize that we are all capable of this.

Also, we cannot know what we do not know. Because of this, we cannot move past our inner conceptual indexing. Meaning, we cannot move beyond the level of our learning balance scale. Yet, we can practice referencing the practical, knowing the score of reality, respecting it and building a more direct relationship to/and towards it. This ability to reference reality, is more natural, and it is what children naturally are able to do, this which is somehow lost. Our children are a product of the math of their environment. And this starts in the womb.  They absorb the colored  state of conceptual lack  as the very signature of emotional firewalls, as mis-informed constructs of information, causing a distraction if not sorted out, slowing down a natural ability to realize the magic is in the physical doing. If we look at our society today, there is so little opportunity to actually do things, most exposure is through media and/or from memorizing information- this a direct disconnect from reality, by design. Even early books on education realized the need to  build relationships to reality. In this I am personally glad that President Trump is formulating apprenticeships as an alternative to high school, for example, because we as a society have lost a connection to living relationships in the learning process. Even such a situation can be manipulated, thus there is the need to understand overall, how we are formed, and to recognize emotional ‘ paranormal’ firewalls, because this is what such is. It is also necessary to meet a person where they are at, within, and to move froward from that point, as physical relationship building can accelerate learning. Also, through practical living applications - which is to say, one must bring the children back into building direct relationships to reality- this being done through words having a direct relationship to reality without the clutter of pictures. One must forgive the inflammatory polarized values of self interest, often visible as manipulation in space and time, and realize the only choice is to consider all things, and take what is good and does no harm. War is conflict, and it is used for profit, it is an emotional firewall on a grand scale, a form of manipulation that is conceptually separate from the living reality around us. War is a reflection of what each is within themselves, and the system is actually a protection for a lack of self responsibility in each individual.  It is a loss of insight into the absolute purpose of life, that absolute purpose being the living nature of taking what is good and does no harm. This is being/moving in harmony.  When two minds meet that understand a level of mastery that is so balanced and expansive, few words are needed, as just being in the presence of such, and recognizing it, is such a state of joy there is no expression that can be that, as that state is both fecund and silent. One could say it is the meeting of a level of inner structure that realizes we create who and what we are. 

Monday, March 13, 2017

Day 746 MOTHER earth is speaking.

I remember when performing that a key could change, and the whole tenor as the very fabric of the music could change. I remember asking myself in my earlier years, how I could move with this more, as become more fluid within the content. In time, as I practiced and mastered the small it became easier. I had to focus on the small and sense the whole. I could hold the movement within this, and was often a section leader because of this.

The other day I was talking to a young man, and despite the ‘ drama’ as the conversation moving on one level, I noticed this same kind of shift in the tenor of the conversation. This subtle shift has been pestering me, as I can’t seem to shake it, it keeps coming up, like a memory of a past moment, jumping out of me, which is a resonant form.  What is the point of this, what am I saying to myself, as the very resonance and math of me, my own veil? 

In working with children, I can see how they can change. Their math, or the very measure of their behaviors must change, as they are the ‘ feral’ children of their hosts, the parents.  This process and my resonant experiences, a reflection of how all of this works, and the great capacity of this if used correctly.  A mis-use of this creates a fear-all child as the child mirrors the parents emotional and feeling and belief net-worth resonant within. If not understood, the cart becomes, through the law of accumulation, or the law of compounding, as one’s resonant seed, - the cart begins to be placed before the horse; that horse a symbol for me, as the inherent reciprocity of the physical - this I am living as that memory, that math, that resonant memory of and as that moment where I noticed a subtle, yet very loud  in a way, key change in that conversation.  I would say that the process of self forgiveness, and building proper networks of words to reflect the building blocks of the physical,  is walking backwards, defining that ‘ cart’ and realizing that one can master one’s self, and lead from the physical, being grounded here. 

In all, I must become content with my own accepted and allowed oontent, and realize the content of this overall, and ground myself in the content of and as the physical. I can realize my own ‘ feral’ resonant foundation, and see the resonant accumulation of ill defined as unfocused presence, and step by step, in a proper order, rebuild to become more fluid in the mastery of the focus of me, within the content of what and who I am, as that physical ‘ horse’ and be content with myself as life, as this would be to accept the joy of life, as all this physical world, so expressive , so alive, so fecund with life, with a framework that is symbiotic. 

This must be walked, like a virus into the physical, the opening of the eye of the needle. This must be done, as though spreading through the physical, not drawng attention in one centralized area, as that in itself is an imbalance, and can open one up to attack. It must happen like a slow moving yet consistent current type of tsunami, so to speak, where the water flows in slowly, the awareness like a real wealth accumulating in a spread, to not be noticed, as when it accumulates overall, when noticed, it is too late, and within this, the capacity, the real capacity of men comes forward at the same time. This is being in synch. 

Stay the course, it is a beautiful design. The blue bird knows the way forward. Be like water, persistent, because one does have the capacity to remove the veil, this capacity is who and what we are as life. 

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Looking within Felicity Day 745

I am looking at resistance, as resistance is fear. 

I remember sometimes in music, a phrase or form would appear to be unable-to-be-understood for me. The form would come and the math, the measure of it was like something distant from me. It was as though there was a veil inhibiting it from me- this little shape of sound before me graphed out. I had to slow down, alone, at home, by myself, and start to take it apart. It appeared to be this illusive ‘ thing’ that somehow I could not grasp. It begged the question as to why I could take in one little notated form and not another. It made no practical sense. 

The “ block’ could be called a resistance. Somehow, my own resonance was counter to the form, my own resonance was such that the math of me, the resonance of me, the values of me were creating a wall that separated me from the form before me. It was like too different currents were meeting one another.  This overall a ‘ red flag’ because I could not transpose myself, be flexible myself, and embrace the form. I was resonant with a formation that was holding itself to such a degree that I could not change and take in a varying form with the very substance that was me, as that means that could form into my resonance and the resonant form before me that I was having difficulty grasping.

Whose fault was this, was it the form, was it that I was ‘ something’ , a personality that had value, or as some say; ‘ Just the way I am?”  Or, “ this is my opinion, you must respect that?”  If I am resistant to something then I am not being the capacity to understand, as understanding another form, which is a combination of values made up of the ultimate value of what builds form overall,   how can I really understand perspective? If I cannot change and stand as a ‘ musical form’ or any form for that matter, realizing that I can understand for a moment, and yet change in the next, thus nothing can define me but what I allow as in time and space for something to be formed it must be stood as for a period of time.  If I look at what I am being that is unable to change then I have become a resonant thing and therefor lost a capacity to change, thus from a starting point of what I am as a human being, in relation to this, if I cannot change in relation to expressions as insights as perspectives towards another, for a moment, then I am in a form of a fixed state and therefor holding onto something that need not be held onto, to the extent that I can change and see another form, even if for a moment. I have lost flexibility. I have become stagnant. And this means overall, that I am responsible for what I am, and in the order of mastering myself, I must be able to realize and recognize when I am within a resistance, as I am in a lost state of embracing a form that I can accept and or move forward, as in taking what is good and does no harm. My resistance reveals my fear of change and my lost state of being in common sense, meaning to take something and understand it and then direct it effectively. 

Yesterday, I resisted something based on my own beliefs. I believed that something was too much. This based on past interactions. In a moment, I was faced with a response. The response was “ I had a difficult week.” I replied graciously and walked away. I did not allow the door to open, because I did not want to listen to the layers of justification. I had had to do this and allowed it to become too much. I feared that happening again. Overall, it was an opportunity to face the storm and practice sorting it out. As I drove away, I recognized this. The saving grace was that I so readily recognized this. Before it would have taken me more time. So, I tell myself, this in itself a good that can become a justification. All of this a sound wall. a math of values, resonant within me. I am a Humpty Dumpty.  Face it, move and get over it. We need to start admitting this to ourselves. Overall, there is nothing but resolution.  Living in fear and resistance is a drag, quite literally.  I for one have had it. Fuck you if you do not want to do the fucking math. It is right here in front of us, in plain sight. There is no escape. You are an organic robot. I mean, look at your words, your sound formations, are they filed with iconography that uses metaphor, or compound labels to zip file information where eveyone has to guess at what is meant? 

I have had people say to me, in relation to animals, that when an animal comes to ‘ visit’ as move outside of expected behaviors, that a past loved one has come to visit. This is a projection of an icon, as that person from that past visiting. What it can really signify is a characteristic of the self that the self is chasing, as the self has placed this value outside of the self because this is the self rejecting the self. This is the self chasing what the self gave up, and the means for the self to live without fear, without resistance and the cause of resistance. In the scream of the longing is the thing being missed, the thing given up. It is the signifier of the shattering of the self, into pieces, it is the beginning of the advent of a separation into fractionalized projected parts as ideas, beliefs, opinions. It is the smoke and mirrors show. It is the consciousness in separation from reality. In this instance, a person said to me that an animal came to them and that it was their friend they had lost. In reality, that friend was admired for a value the admirer lost within themselves, objectified outside of themselves. The animal that ostensibly came was the value the self rejected and longed for, hidden in a series of storied information placed into objects holding past projections. A huge parable. Looking at the smallest of parts can disperse the picture show. I want to say, what is constant within the show? Bring it back to self. Find the word. Realize the initial resistance. Would one agree that realizing what was lost is the means forward? Could one see the self hate is a form of self pity? Is this not manifest as an added color of longing? Could this not come as an answer to a question as “ I had a difficult week?” as the starting point of sorting out the projected and separated values ?  If I am capable of writing this here, am I not capable of facing the storm and living the joy of being present, sensing the small, within the greater inflation of resonant forms? Shame is not going to change this. Self hate and reprimand is more of the same. 

Today, I ask myself : " What is felicity?"

Monday, February 27, 2017

Presence and resonance beingness . Who am I? Day 744

In my last blog I wrote about sensing what can only be called a resonant change within myself, after living in a foreign country. I wrote about how I noticed a physical resistance that precipitated    calling out a behavior as being extreme where previously, before living in another country, I had no physical resistance or reaction towards such behavior. All of this indicating how I can, within seven years, change the very resonance of me, as a comfort zone of the stance, or the acclimated values within me, or, relationships I composed myself within and as.  When my environment changed, and was no longer the ‘ song’ or ‘ math’ or collectively accepted values of a group, I physically reacted. It appears to be a sense of being out of synch with my surroundings, yet I started to notice the differences and projected the differences as something outside of myself.  I could have become so focused on the differences ONLY, yet managed to realize that I had acclimated to the ‘ stance’ of my new environment. 

How often does this happen in other areas of my life? And/or am I as near to being fluid in seeing the patterns and movements of this overall? Meaning, do I apply how much a resonance of values  are what I face, what I meet, when I interact with others? If I do not understand this, are those moments of projection and calling out of a behavior, a labeling that behavior being weird or extreme, without realizing the interaction of resonant values bumping up against another, as being a relationship ? Do I realize that I am simply in a juxtaposition of values imbedded in the flesh as what has become an acclimated stance within? Do I tend to resist what does not ‘ resonate’ with me, because I have become so self involved that I have lost all perspective of seeing and realizing this? Ultimately, how is it that this has not moved me to realize that the only thing that is real is the physical? And/or that taking on a value, as focusing on something, is okay, yet must always refer to what is in the moment as the greater world around me, within an understanding that what is practiced, if not reviewing the whole overall, can become resonant within, and then direct the flesh to the point where, as I did, react physically? What would happen if this is not understood? I can think of many reactions, as resistance I have done and lived, because I did not understand this! I, instead, in my self centered self interest ONLY,  believed my resonance to be more real than what was around me. I blamed this very default happening in others, on that resonance, even went into fear of it, instead of realizing the whole and the parts of and as how this all works. 

Is it not also so easy to realize at this point that this is what the proverbial ‘ valley of smoke and mirrors’ is in fact? Where to hide what is real, but right in front of us. as the within made larger than the without, and the without being what is real, and what is similar to being a ‘ master mind’ in that what would ground is referencing all things, and balancing out within that, this in itself a practice lending greater flexibility , or less stagnant inner stance of values in a bubble.  After all, then, what is a mind consciousness system? If one’s focus , as the events one allows within, on a time line, or horizon of sequences of self accepted stances, or values, were repeated again and again until they directed the flesh,  would one become a ‘ seed’ of information, of and as small movements compounding in one’s deeds? Would this end up causing a resonance counter to the greater whole? Would a flexibility be lost? Would the ability to process information become stagnant as that resonance consumed the life within, as the very focus of that presence within? Who could correct, or balance this out? Can another do this for one’s self? No. Would the self that was caught in the web, want forgiveness? Thus, is the only choice, that of forgiveness? As forgiveness is the movement of correction? This correction not capable of being done by anyone, but the self, and would one not want it to be any other way, as this is the way to self mastery? I mean what is one doing when one practices a musical instrument all by themselves? And would one also need to practice or interact with the whole also? Would a one sided practice cause an imbalance? 

A word is a placeholder of information, thus a word can be used to direct this, to guide this, to trigger the re-establishment of one’s focus onto the greater and the smaller, in the present, so that the self can see the resonance within and the practical without. This would lead to being equal and one to all of creation. Instead of reacting, as resisting resonances ( ghosts in the machine) one would become more self directive- AND NOT FEAR THAT RESONANT MATH!  As it is, at the moment, we are all basically, resonating values in a self centered inner-rest, absent a common sense of the present moment, which is being in the practice of the physical reality around us, recognizing what does not harm, as what accepts what is here, and working with it, or interacting with it, or communicating with it, which overall, allows one to realize one’s own resonances. In a way, there is nothing wrong with looking at the parts, bringing this forward for a moment, yet remaining grounded in the physical is also necessary. 

I admit that I am in fear of what resonates in another, because it means that I have to face the equation. I have to have the patience to slow down, listen, ‘ quantify’ , call out by name, to become in sympathy with clarity with another, with a resonance, and then relate back to the practical, or realize what would be best, and make choices, as the only choice, as what would expand and lend direction without generating more conflict, or harm as a reaction to a ‘ resonant form’.  I can so move into fear, or anger, when meeting resistance despite realizing the only solution is to go back to the drawing board and walk the clarity again, especially since a resonance can be quite sticky and bounce back. This being what causes a great forgetFULLNESS, that is the root of the problem within this not being understood.  

Because we have, in a sense, all become like the movies we watch, ‘ story boards’ that repeat and speak and direct the flesh, as a resonant sequence of events colored with value judgements, singular and limited though not necessarily ‘ bad’ , it is necessary to slow down and begin to differentiate this. It is to give space for greater and deeper recognition of one’s accepted and allowed resonant seed of information. 

I have this point where I miss some turn, some resonant movement within me. I can see, or feel the after effects, as this cycles, yet have not yet caught that tiny movement that was a choice I made, or accepted, as a value judgement. It is like not wanting to let something go, or this being so habituated, I can only practice catching this again and again, making mis-takes.

Mostly, it is in my arms, a tenseness that is intense. lol.

What helps me, at times, is to look at this as though I am reading shadows. I liken it to a ‘ life review’ where I bring every moment of my life forward, like a resonant history, and realize where I resisted, rejected, blamed, pushed away, stood as - believed, etc. And then, to sort out my resonant under-standings.  Has to be done, and why have it any other way? After all, how does one come to master something? What did we think humpty dumpty was all about?  And why were the fables, and tales, and biblical stories, and twentieth century novels like 1984, telling us? And why were they in a format that was indirect yet revealing? They in themselves are a kind of resonant form, showing a math, yet cannot be the actual practice in the self. It is just as I was when I started calling out the value system manifestation as behaviors on a face, as I stood looking at this from a different resonance as what I had acclimated myself to.  I am the subject of my own objectification! Because of a fear of calling things out by name, which is the means to self empowerment and disempowerment of the limited resonance , it appears easier to do the same without facing this directly. Yet, if this is what I am saying must be done, then somehow I am not facing this in myself, because I am unwilling to show the bare naked accepted and allowed resonance of myself. The point is that this is understood, and pointed out, though indirect, by many. 

A word for me today, is the word ‘ frame’ meaning, what am I framing within what I bring forward, as resonate within me? What and where am I losing a sense of the larger frame as the physical? What am I defining myself as, within a resonant frame, and what relationships am I making that builds this frame I stand within? What practices in the small within myself can change this frame and focus, or realize in a more fluid way, calling resistances out by name, and understanding to then relate to the whole to build a more encompassing relationship to the whole as all things, where I do not rush, or expect, or fear a loss, thereby procrastinating, seeking perfection,  idealize,  control, reject, imagine only,  give up, get lost in a comparison of self protection etc. I can, as the very capacity of and as me, learn to play/perform/interact-with-the-whole as the means is right here, in plain sight.  After all, so much of what has not been lived, is that individual practice of doing and realizing the smallest of movements, as the smallest of things, is what one must master to become a master of self, something that must be practiced, and something that no one can do for the self but the self. This AND interacting with the whole, as it cannot be ONLY one or the other. 

Friday, February 24, 2017

Memories are a resonant being . Day 743

Two memories have come up that I have looked at before. I notice that I also have back chat or “worst case scenario’  imagery coming up. The worst case scenario ‘ episodes’ are really random, using all manner of imagery. I have these come up in relation to driving because I have had two head-on collisions, that within the system, were not my fault. AND, they happened in a place where many such accidents happen. I remember that it was said that there can be places where there are cross currents, maybe this place is one of them.  For instance, I found out my orthodontist’s wife also had two accidents in the same place. The cars were destroyed, meaning they were so damaged to be tagged as unrepairable. I have fears around driving and they tend to come back when I am not addressing something; I can use them as a red flag.

I had lived in Europe for ten years. One summer, I returned to the states, as I had other summers too, yet never had that which I am going to describe, happen. On this eighth summer, I noticed that I was constantly stepping back from my American peers. Meaning, I would be standing and talking with them, and find myself taking a step back.  I also remember asking the question, “ why are ‘ you’ moving towards me so much?”  At the time, I remember looking at this, and also saying. “ Wow, I can see how other cultures label American’s as having a garish intense smile!” 

After spending seven years in Europe. a seven year cycle, my ‘ resonance’ as my state as a manner or stance, had changed. This fits in with how our cells cycle themselves, as in our cells carry the resonance of our ‘ math’, or the ‘ value’ system that defines us, holds us, is of how we are mannered within ourselves! This eighth summer, I was resonating my exposure, my environment, my newly cloaked ‘ color’ , all measurable in the distance I stood from another person, the amount of reserve or intensity -of-smile, or presentation of myself and how I held the very muscles of myself; ALL OF WHICH IS A “ MATH,”   had come to be a counter  or alternative rhythm, so to speak, to my American environment. 

What I find interesting, as telling of my stance on another level, is that I so readily moved to BLAME those around me, as though it was not me, it was them- the objects around me! Even within asking a question as, “ Why are my friends leaning into me so much,’ and ‘ Now, I know why other cultures make fun of the American way of being intense ( like a staccato-ed accent in music) with the manner of grinning from ear to ear- as though making a ‘ happiness’ stance more intense, by degree! Thus, I was projecting the ‘ difference’ as a ‘ wrong’ or uncomfortable thing being done unto me. 

What is also amazing is how my physical body reacted, with me doing the thinking after the fact. I only noticed it because I noticed my body reacting. This indicates, how much of a resonance stance I became, which is the same in all of us.  The very ‘ math’ of an in-culturated manner, representing value systems, had become me, which manifested the eighth year into my change into another environment. This corresponds to a cellular memory that then comes to direct my subtle movements physically. This memory has come up in tandem with a memory from childhood as of late. 

I had gone and walked up to my father and younger sister in this childhood memory. I had wanted attention, and as such surprised my father, who turned and knocked me over onto a tricycle. I have a scar from this, which at the moment, has some very dried skin on it.  In this memory, I remember being angry at my father, feeling hurt that I had been knocked onto the tricycle.  Even though, at the time, I got over this pretty fast, I do remember being so embarrassed that I was angry, and I blamed my father for suddenly turning and inadvertently knocking me over- as I am sure he did not want to do this and probably felt some degree of shame as well. Yet, this is my earliest memory of moving , or projecting blame. I was actually embarrased as I had only considered my own desire for attention- so my anger, was really my own shame, because I acted on an idea. I acted on some resonant desire, separating myself from my own common sense. The after stance, even with the anger, I was aware that I had moved in my own self interest- so absorbent am I as a human being. 

I wanted to take a deeper look at resistance. When I look at the resonant change within myself, after living for seven years in a different culture, how my immediate reaction was to project the change, or problem, being on those around me. It was an after thought to realize that I had become more of the subsequent different environment.  The resonant manner, embedded in the physical, was what showed me my own actions, my thoughts immediately moving to project a story, and as I said, that of blaming the objects until I with a secondary overview, began to sort this out.

I also remember saying something to my peers, that I could understand how other cultures labeled Americans in cartoons with aggrandized and plastered smiles. With some of my peers I met reaction. Meaning, with some I caused the same that I had been, a form of resistance and projection into justification instead of understanding. Some understood and even found it interesting. This is telling, because it is showing that the very act that I did, is deeply ingrained in our ‘ reading’ of actions- as manners are a form of action and expression of ..... our resonances, our beliefs, our value systems, our math, our way of reading relationships with regard to everything around us. We are truly organic robots. Which, on another level, is why the media is so successful, unless we view it with a critical and creative approach, understanding what I am saying here, overall. 

Thus, as I said, I have this back chat, with really random scenarios, coming up, and it is composed of this movement of projecting blame onto the objects around me. And yet, this other memory where I realized the very resonance of me, in seven years which matches cellular change, indicates that what I allow, as how I move, within the very smallest of measures, comes to be the information that directs my physical movements! This in tandem with this memory from childhood, and my scar, I can see where I, as far as I can remember, planted the first movement of blame, that even if I at that age, did not dwell on it for too long, it was that tiny movement that started a seed of projecting the problem of my own actions, outward onto the objects around me. 

Because, I have not cleared this ‘ resonance,’ as a formula, up, completely, in its inception, it continues to be how I move, in manner, or, in thought, word and deed. It could also be, that I am at a point of change, as a point of change also carries a quality of most resistance, as the old does not want to die. 

I want to also look at the practices in the school systems, and relate this to learning the violin. I had violin lessons for years, I would go and have the lesson, and have exercises to do at home, ALL BY MYSELF. I had to learn to walk those tiny movements, that practiced being in control of my body, and integrating a physical awareness of the space. This was a practice that no one could do for me, but myself. 

If I look at a school, it is like having a violin lesson, where a direction, or a practice is given, and practiced, or walked through a couple of times, yet cannot be that self, practicing that movement.  The self has to go and do the walking, the practice. The time and space in what a school is, cannot be that practice by the self. One is actually building what comes to direct the physical body, which says that what one allows, and what one practices, will come to resonate in the body and will move the body, thus one’s actions reveal one’s math/perspective/memorized -as-conditioned-blueprint-of-belief, or the order of relationships as how one sees the world.  

A school relates and teaches with example, using words and pictures, just as a violin teacher can model,( which is actually more direct) shows a form, movement included. If I do not practice that movement, and only do it based on that one time, trying to incorporate it from that one showing, I am going to cause a distraction in my presence as I interact with the world around me. I am going to slow down my processing when interacting with the whole, missing things, and causing imbalances, because I did not do that which only the self can do, which is integrate something new through the only way to integrate something new, which is to go and do the small, to practice it- as it takes both the exposure AND the detailed practice of the small, as this is how things are built. 

This is why, so many master’s of things, stress the importance of practicing the small. Meaning, to make sure that small is practiced, because the self must learn to self direct, in detail, all by themselves. This is something that no one can do for the self.  Another way to say this, is that the schools cannot be that practice for the child, and nor should they, as it is a valuable lesson for a child to realize that they build understanding, and that this takes practice, because it takes time for a correct movement, to be integrated into the cells, so that the body moves in effective ways, as what we practice ( or allow, follow without question)  becomes what directs us. Yes, it is that deep, and resistance towards acknowledging this is simply self rejecting and resisting how this all works. Resistance means, one must really look at one’s manner. In all, it does not matter who’s fault it is, if one wanted to take this stance because ultimately, what one has allowed, or been exposed to, resonates within, which no one, not any other person can change but the self. In my case, blame is not going to change this as being in a state of blame, as projecting something outward, is not a practice of looking at what I resonate and learning from it, and realizing that it is what it is, does not need to define me, and shows me where I am not being in understanding, as embracing what is here. In all, such actions, as what I have accepted to be the resonance of me, can show me relationships between things, as beliefs, and as movements that can understand and change in a moment, relax and move in ways that ask more open ended questions, for example.

In so many ways, I realize I have become a social engineering so prevalent in the idea of being ' positive' where I become the end game of sympathy, instead of including empathy; seeing what is being expressed as relationships, understanding how what we resonate is simply ideas about relationships, and to realize within this, that what is real, is myself being here, moving in real time here, because this is where I am, this is where I am living a real performance. I also realize how I can sense the smallest of movements, as the very subtle deeds I move as, within myself, as my resistances show my accepted and allowed practices, which are relationships I direct as belief, because I have not practiced being grounded here, in real time, seeing the real relationship that is here, as my living , and present relationship. My resonance can show me, where I am out of synch with reality. 

Another way to look is to realize what focal and vocal distractions as ideas, beliefs and opinions, resonant within, from past relationships, one is allowing to define who and what one is, and to realize the small movements that build the overall resonance, and the correct small movements that ground one back into being present in this reality. What the media and school systems show is, is a story of information, an equation of order, one that can come to define us, if we allow it. Also, that no one can clean up the resonance of what we have allowed, as believed, but the self. It does not matter if it is someone else's ‘ default system’ as one not understanding how this all works, because projecting onto the ‘ fault’ as a lack of understanding this, is not the action of correction. Only the self can do this, and since we are all doing this, there is only self forgiveness and self correction. That resonance can be read, one can learn to call the movements out by name, thereby taking away the power of the default, and reframing the movement, into respecting this reality, as there is only here, which is how it should be. Another way to say that, is to ask, what came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Thus, over all, I have to realize what I have mathematically accepted and allowed, as a movement as me, and to cross reference this real world around me, to practice being present here, recognizing what I have come to believe, as be comfortable with, as the very movement of me, expressing accepted relationships, and slow down, breath, ground myself and call out by name, the math of me, and recall as the very sound of me, a living relationship to what is here, as the physical, to equalize myself, or to get in synch with here, the actual physical. I can recognize when I am rejecting- what I am resonanting, by movement of blaming things around me for not being what I resonate, and become equal and one to the resonance of life here. And, within this, to realize that this same thing is happening all around me, because, overall this is not understood. 

Even as that small child, I had become a resonance of belief, or allowed a resonance of belief, that I needed attention from my father. On some level, I separated myself into a resonate idea, as a math, and did not pay attention to my surroundings, believing that there was a more, when I already was the means, as being present here, which is the real ‘ more’ of and as me, as being present and in synch with what was real, as the physical symbols, as life in a living relationship, working together in ways that are more symbiotic, and of an interaction that is respectful of all things, choosing what supports no matter what.

When I find myself resisting, I have to stop, slow down and breath. When I find my physical body ‘ stepping back’ or tensing up, or constricting, I have to slow down and look at what I resist, because what I resist persists a resonance of the same manner. Here, I have to breath to see that resonance, and to correct the mis-take, or the state of measure/being I have practiced and to begin to change that to the extent that I become a master of myself.  Naturally, this will take time, the time it takes for the body to regenerate cells. Yet, just as in practicing an instrument, a careful practice of this gains momentum, and my ability to change the resonance of me, will grow. It would be like being able to switch from playing a renaissance piece, and the suddenly a early modern piece of music. Which is interesting, because I remember asking myself how I could become more fluid within changing myself within the practice of music. I never thought of living this as the instrument of me, as a physical body, sounding things out, as the very words I speak, sensing this world, and the world of a more emotional memory, as opposed to a more superior, or fluid memory, as that presence within and as me as life. How could I be so blind, and why was I not taught this from the beginning? 

In all this is why knowing one’s words is so important, as words are a means of calling things out by name, and placing the math in synch with reality. Only practicing words in a closed context, as the vocal and non-direct application in real living space, as building relationships of words into practical reality, is a one sided practice.  One must practice spelling the word, and practice generating the sound, and practice a relationship with the word directly with reality- something that cannot be done in school alone, or learned via the media alone, one must, as the self, just like practicing the violin, or a sport, actually practice the sounds, to build, or retain, a natural spatial ability to reality in relation to what one generates as the words that reflect relationships in this world, as words are never the real thing, they are a muse, so-to-speak. 

This also is the practice of building a relationship with what is here, understanding one’s own resonance- which can change, and doing the math of reality, the systems and one another.  No one can do this but the self. In another way, it is to say that the real means without, is to go within. It is to say that humans are the perfect machines to ‘ do the math’ of existence in real time. Being this real focus in real time instead of a mind consciousness of separation. The place of most happiness, because humans are happy when they are capable of real focus,  and unhappy when they are lost in a dissonant resonance, that is not effective in substantive self direction, is being focused here.  When our neighbor is self directive in practical real time, it helps us, as the body of the overall machine, must synchronize to life, the physical. 

Enjoy and practice the smallest of things, as they are the means to understand the larger forms as the physical around us. Learn to spell and speak you words, build direct relationships with the words, to living reality, understand how the body resonates a math of one’s exposure, opportunity and belief systems.  Breathe, slow down, write it out, and call things out by name, forgive yourself to the small, the practical, the here, build a lasting relationship to this reality. The tools are here, to help, yet no one can do this for the self but the self. The way out is to rebuild the within.  We are the perfect machines to be and do this. Blame is really a resistance to change.  In another way, blame is a form of revenge for one’s resonant seed of information, or ego. It is the self showing the self, where one is not being responsible and/or how we inform ourselves. Thus, my blame, is myself not standing as solution or self actualization. I must look to the small, the singular event that was a repeated action, that created a time-line, that rolled up into a resonant seed and came to manifest as a seeming ' dissonance' to reality around me, as the interactive relationships to all things around me. No one can correct this humpty-dumpty scattered and fractionalized  resonant-in-the-cells-event horizon I allowed to become seeded in myself but me. I would have it no other way, as this is an opportunity to become equal and one to who and what I am, the potential of me, as life.

There is, although seemingly counter because of a resonance unacknowledged, GREAT JOY in mastering the small.  It is the means of self empowerment and the full engagement of all the senses, it is the inherent potential of the human being. It is right in front of us. It is time to take this back, to remember this to ourselves. The way out, is the way in.