I understood through the years that using sympathy to make someone believe that they were just like one’s self, is a means of control, where a person gives all only to find that is taken and used in self interest, in survival against the one accepting a belief that one is the same as the other.
The problem with such activity, is that it diminishes the creativity of the person doing the preying, through this form of collective praying towards an entity as a belief that two are the same. It gives one hope and a false sense of security. Especially when one is vulnerable. Like after the death of someone one has been very very close to.
Such a person cannot be trusted. Yet, this is hard to see in that vulnerable state of loss. The natural desire of the absorbent ability of a human, is to move towards a connection. And within this, become blind to consequence and subtlety. It is like a worm that creeps up in the night. One does not see it until the storm of it built has passed.
Usually, an inflexibility is visible.
I have lived in a country where the language was not my mother tongue. It was interesting to watch fellow Americans learn the language, There were some who learned the language with such flexibility that when they spoke the foreign language, one could hear little to no accent. There were those who never lost a heavy accent of their mother tongue. It baffled me that this could happen. The programming of the initial language and its characteristics, were never let go, or too embedded to change. I wonder if this in itself is somewhat of a red flag. Are other paths and means of behavior the same. Are there some things that are so embedded that change is extremely unlikely, and this in tandem with an ability to convince another that they are the same as the one doing the convincing?
This would be like trying to tell someone that they are not in love, even when that person believes it with all of themselves. It would be like talking to a wall.
What if that same person who preyed had no plan, while breaking down what existed that was a time tested form, and that revealed the degree of an inability to change, as the required steps within that well known form, meant that one had to deconstruct and reconstruct, like changing one’s ability to process information, something that always leads to an inner tiredness as the body must reform within- another thing that makes change appear overwhelming. One can work oneself too hard, and end up exhausted, and yet, the children that are to come are well worth this. And to realize that changing one’s self, like growing a new business, is known to take about ten years, that it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill and/or twenty-one days to change a habit. It is after all, a math, and we all learn the same way.
Just as in learning new words, one must hold the form within one’s self and begin to generate that word, making mistakes and fine tuning along the way. So, does this on a grander scale, as in forming a business, starting on the ground. Some call this 1 + 1.
We tend to look for quick fixes, and these can end up slowing down the process, because one must return to the practical, on the ground process of walking. I can remember the times I wanted to skim through something and ended up paying the price, because I had to then go back and walk the necessary steps. Steps that ended up, through time, becoming a friend, because they withstood the test of time. They are recognizable, because they are clear and have a quality of holding no promise. One is living and being present here.
If one is busy preying, through praying a false positive, then one loses one’s creative ability, one’s ability to change. One cannot see and develop the means of real action because one is busy preying instead of deconstructing and reconstructing in practical time tested measures. The two cannot and will not mix, as one is a running train and the other is taking care of the practical.
Such actions cannot be trusted. And they will in time steal all effects. The one who accepted the belief of sameness, will be left out with nothing. What would you do, stand against the cry of a belief in ‘ love’ or stay with what structurally makes sense and has proven itself through time and space? Would I reject the idol of belief- losing a connection, and in time take back the prodigal son who realized there was really only one way forward that lead to a greater sense of what is eternal having walked what is proven and practical? Because on some level, I understood that there is only one choice in the end, and that we all learn the same way and that one must walk the most basic of steps, through all manner of tiredness and seeming rejection until one could stand? And one doing this so well there was little to no accent of a past?
There is a moment that stands out for me. It is a past moment, where I was talking with someone. We were interrupted, a sudden interruption, such a classic action that I know. The moment was lost. I could sense this, and yet I did not move back into this, I accepted a polite morality instead, this within a self imposed belief that I was not enough. And yet, somehow, it is never too late, as the practical is always right here, and the common sense of it is all around us. It is like being sorry for something that was not done in a moment where I perceived potential yet let that go because of ideas, beliefs and opinions, my own overwhelming accent of a past that in itself was and is the behavior of having preyed by day and stole by night. In this, I separated from an innate ability to create.