I can see where I drag some days, as though I am not moving. What is it that causes that hesitation, the waiting , that holding back?
Sometimes, I make lists of things to get done, especially when I am aware of emotional “ clouds” that must be processed hanging around. This helps me to continue walking here, it is a means of focus. This also means working on words. I noticed a word I had a difficult time of REMEMBERING within this period of feeling I have something “ pulling “ me down and slowing me up in being present and here as who and what I am as a human being on a physical and practical planet.
That word was “ permit.” I had enough cognitive wear-with-all to catch this. It is, to some extent, a greater ability to hold my own actions throughout a day, or more than one day, to review and assess. Within this, in my busy day, I noticed an inability to call up this word. This was “ telling” in itself.
I relate this word to the word “ permission.” Within this word, I realized that at times when something becomes more clear, that I had not given myself “ permission” to be and do what I naturally understood. It is as though ignorance is a lack of permission. And, within this, there is a “ desire” to have permission from an outside source, much like a belief that I am not allowed to move forward unless I have permission! That is intrinsically a lack of self trust. It is a lack of brutal self-honesty.
It is a product of the product of compulsory schools too - from another perspective. Meaning, because we become what we practice and what we practice automates into our muscle memory, like a quantum programming - this movement of “ waiting-for-permission” can become a subtle “ slowing” down of permitting natural insight into this reality! Think about it, we go to school for years, and must ask for permission from an “ authority” during most of our daily hours during our initial developmental years. What happens with what we practice, as the smallest of movements? I mean, asking permission does have a quality of slowing down to assess, yet when mis-used can also inhibit a natural desire to follow through and understand, as discover, how things work here, in this life, this physical life!
I can sense this “ word” being something that is difficult to “ hold” within me in a stable way and means. Quite literally, this is, and not “ like,” an indication that there are resistances within me towards and as permitting myself license and leverage in terms of speaking up in common sense of practical reality. If we are divorced from the practical, as the very means to get things done; what is in the way? What causes us to basically get caught in the absurd instead of the practical, the common sensical? The illusion that removes a natural presence is in essence an absurd! I mean, look at the polarized political drama screamed through the media daily! It is a theater of the absurd! Distraction from self as life could therefore be realized as the theater of the absurd. Remember a time when you realized you held beliefs that turned out to not be what was real? How silly did you feel about what you had allowed? How ABSURD did you realize your belief to actually BE?
If I play with the sound of the word “ absurd” what can I “compose’? By some accounts, a vowel in front of a word negates the word. Thus, “ ab” negates “surd.” If I SPELL “ surd” backwards I get “ dru-s.” Like, drew. Like, I drew something. Or, I framed something. Or, I SPELLED, as cast a SPELL. Like, the absurd is the inverse of real creation, effective creation, the kind of creation that realizes there are no problems and only solutions! I mean, if I am absent of self as life, just as I spine spells of protection and defense, so would I “ warp” sounds to hide my own absence of real focus and presence as who and what I am as life here. This life that is a physical life. This life here that is the realization in thought, word and deed of and as to consider all things, to take the good and do no harm. This is the universal principle of oneness and equality. It is a system of real creation.
I am, for a moment, relating permission to this contrast of the “ absurd.” The “ absurd” being a drama within me that dis-associates me from real and natural presence, causing a difficulty in “ holding” a word steady within me. I am life, therefore I do not need “ permission” to be anything other than who and what I am here as life, which is physical. I mean, ask yourself, “ why does the system move to “ own” what are freely-given resources? Why within constant “ war” are the natural RESOURCES of a country suddenly “ owned” by some perpetually-living paper-corporation? Why does “ aid” seem to move so slowly, while resource extraction move with great efficiency? This in itself, is another one of those “ theaters-of-the-absurd”! And it is in plain sight. What distractions, as what are you associating with and as a self definition that is causing an ignorance of this resource movement on earth today? And, why, if you are aware, may this appear to some as a Goliath out there somewhere that one cannot change because it is too big? It can change. It means realizing every small individual allowance and acceptance as self definition. It means being cognizant of your politicians, and your individual resource use. It means being aware of your self. It means being aware of various words in your reality that are, for some reason, difficult to “ hold.”
In effect, the degree to which one is scattered into value judgements, as the absurd, is the degree to which one is separated from that innocence of the real beingness within, as one’s natural ability of and as real PRESENCE. It is all a math. The means of separation from self is as much a system as is the living system called creation, as the physical reality right here in plain sight. Are you scattered in a resonant bubble of belief or are you grounded and present evident in an absence of anger and reaction? And Why? Because in effect, the realization of the absurdity of a scattered state as a projected picture show - as resonant belief - causing a consciousness of separation is an inner theater of the absurd where one loses all permissions of self as life.
Is one’s FOCUS a per-miss ? Meaning a “ missing” of natural FOCUS here, with a direct seeing included in the use of my imagination? Am I here, as per - “ mit” meaning, “ with” what is here in my thoughts, words and deeds?
Thank you for reading!
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