I notice a point of victimhood where a very subtle energy appears like a very gently accumulating fog. It is as the word suggests moments of small actions that are of fear, obligation and quilt. Fear is really a lack of of understanding.
Sometimes one has to speak against an emotional pattern coming forward, even if it is not politically correct. The other day I was speaking with some people and was distracted within worrying about how to say something. That in itself means that I am worried about pushing the “ wrong “ buttons, despite the fact that emotional value judgements are a state of confusion as they are a state of separation and an absence of investigation, or not having enough information. Or, one could say, not enough focus on the practical reality as this physical existence that at the moment is entrenched in personalities. If one is busy projecting a personality, as a time line of value judgements as justifications for the choices of self interest one makes, then within that there will be shame and guilt and some spite in relation to the difference between being real and projecting a personality.
This was something like what I found myself within, fearing to upset some hyper inflated status quo narrative - which in itself as what I allowed - blocked what I have experienced so many times, an opportunity for a moment of insight. One has to let things go in order to change order! Seems contradictory but it is not!
On the world stage this often happens. That there is something called the silent majority means that many sense something is not where to go and yet are stagnant in taking a direction. This is something that is used by the present system. I mean, poverty is by design. Schools are a dumbing down structure, one that can sound good to someone already at a loss of effective critical and creative thinking skills. That we have the monetary system we have, and that we pollute so much of this earth for an “ economy” is already a disorder that is a lack of respect for all things, for taking the good and ensuring no harm, as that movement of consideration and respect for life is that which recognizes fundamental human rights. Fundamental human rights are a lot like taking care of a house plant. When certain things are not met, that house plant dies. It is in a physical state of expression. Having a “ heaven” and an “earth” is already a division which causes a separation. Remember, justification is complicated. Creation is complex, with that complexion being something that shines and is fecund with a creative spirit. Complex things are sustainable because they are in a state of homeostasis, they are not in conflict with one another, they are whorling together realizing that the differences are as important as the similarities. Something the system will do is accentuate the differences at the expense of the similarities, thereby causing conflict to then grab resources. What we have is resource war, and your programming is a part of that war.
Then there is the physical aspect of this self suppression within and as me, as what I accept and allow. I notice this week within this point of having pressure within my chest, that I lean forward ever so slightly. I have caught this in the last couple of days as I have worked on naming this self generated construction of ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are wants, needs and desires. All based on my environment. All based on traditions from existential early environments that accumulated into traditions that became habits that are rituals to hold onto a past that is not what is here in the moment. And, these traditional rituals that are from past ecologies are a means of compartmentalizing one’s focus at the expense of respecting the physical landscape and working directly with it.
This ever so slight accumulating “ fog” is in this moment more of a fear - as I see it. The leading forward part has a sense of being in a burden, like I am attempting to answer too many threads at the same time without upsetting the “ spider” sitting on them. lol, that analogy just popped up! I have to ask myself what that spider really wants. That spider wants what we all want; to live a life! At the moment, so much of existence is in survival mode because of a mis-use of resources. In effect, we consume physical things to sustain our bodies. We are not in sync with creation, we are moving against it, as am I if I use knowledge and information, as ideas, beliefs and opinions to determine my actions instead of being present. And, in a way, all resistance is a form of self hate because we know that difference, we understand that something is out of balance and that harm is not a real solution.
It is like there is a vacuum from my heart into my head.I selectively take in things in at the expense of looking here. That vacuous movement causes an ever so slight leaning forward. And, this is why things are written out, because as one writes things out one names the game, it simply comes up. Within me I am like FUCK! Changing the direction of this is to deconstruct it and then refocus or rebuild the words within and as me creating this personified whorled world of words.
In a way this vacuum living in each human moves around the earth sucking up the resources without regeneration and respect, allowing it to be filtered into an economic system that believes itself too big to fail, while in plain sight the weather patterns are changing because the earth is attempting to find some balance. It is ,just as within myself NOT a sustainable model. What exists as our current government reflects what is accepted and allowed by a collective of individuals, it is a power VORTEX! We are allowing our “ selves” as life to be swept up into a resonant and unsustainable false “ power vortex.” Interesting how what I sense today within me, as my heart/chest area mirrors the overall movement of the present system. And it would cause an ever-so-slight lean/liening forward disrupting a FOCUS on a consideration of all things, respecting all things to ensure NO HARM. As within, so without, as above, so below.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to knowledge and information as a means of propping myself up here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to focus here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am a victim of personalities as limited beliefs, ideas and opinions that are here, superimposed on this earth as a consequence of a belief that what is within as experience is larger than what is without and all around as who and what we are here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how much I am “ falling down”within and as myself to live a lie that is a state of separation from consideration of all things here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up and looking at what is here, and to instead move into protection and self defense within and as hesitating when meeting a politically correct dialogue as suggested though repetition via a huge advertising system run by what could be called vacuum of self interest.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being hurt, or fear being in pain, when hurt is in this context simply myself in a way…. believing that I am being pushed away or rejected when in effect it is a rejection based on the expense of a refusal to respect all things and take that which does no harm.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within this to not see realize and understand that the way I wrote that in itself though a recognition at the some time a lack of presence within a movement, this within this I commit myself to read this movement over all, within and as a physical context to begin to sense the difference within and as being present rather than in reaction to limitation that is in a way, overall, a form creation that in itself is an attempt to answer to where we as humanity are at in the moment here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize there is one choice within and as opening up my heart and being present here, to live in thought, word and deed that which realizes differences and similarities at the same time as this is a living definition of life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be grateful for this body, that is actually showing me to myself here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which the body is a tool where it is a means to maintain a homeostasis within and as a focus as the balance within and as all parts of this body composed of so many states of being here to live and be life it is astounding the lack of respect we give to our bodies which is reflected in the present system that exists through participation by a collective and as such the fault of no single one but of the greater whole of humanity.
When and as I find myself leaning forward ever so slightly I stop and I breath and I walk into a clear recognition of this as what I have accepted and allowed within and as me in this life here.
When and as I find myself considering being politically correct, within a limited narrative, within a suppression and lack of respect for self as life, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that hurt within and as what it is that is suppressing the natural expression of the physical as the life in each and everyone that is here in plain sight, as the real potential of life that cannot be destroyed as it is always here.
When and as I find myself as my body, as my chest area becoming heavy I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I sense the subtle movements that accumulate into a fog within and as moving into thinking as knowledge and information, and I assess and forgive and realize within and as lending discovery within and as what is desired by all, as allowing the potential of each and every unique living form to self realize what is best for all, which is here in plain sight as this earth and all things that compose this earth here.
When and as I find myself leaning forward every so slightly, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I let go and let be to comprehend what is here in the moment as myself and as my acceptances and allowances to realize an accepted order, or focus as my physical body, and to begin to realize movements that align into self discovery and self realization within and as what is the only choice, which is to stand equal and one to what is best for all, visible as this physical existence here.
When and as I find myself moving into resistances as shutting myself down to hide behind a shield of knowledge and information, I stop and I breath, and I allow insight into what is presence without a fear of loss, or a fear of reprimand, and I stand as I have faced reactions within and as justifications with calm and with patience and as such, am able to realize moving parts in a moment, just as I have realized this subtle movement of and as leaning slightly forward, to mirror an awareness of that which can withstand the test of time, and as such becomes a beacon of stability, a voice of constancy to bring forward that which is best for all, this movement in itself requiring no recognition because the joy is in being focused and present, in respect of all things, which is a state that is the absence of restriction within the physical body which in itself is visible and has always been, it is simply repressed.
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