The thin-king of thinking, and the curiosity of wanting to know why certain choices were made. Day 864

I have a headache, it has come forward here and there in the past few days.. or couple of weeks. 

I get a glimpse of this " form" in my body and sense the confines of it. It is usually that habit of thinking something through, where I see myself curious about some action or choice, or in an attempt to understand why someone behaved the way that they did. 

Am I using the " sixth sense'? That reflecting sense, that pattern sensing sense? That sense where one stands back and sensing the form? Something one uses when one reaches out into the space because there is an emotional friction about something and nothing within appears to fit that friction? Is that same 6th sense able to sense the history of old wood? Is that what mice use? Like those animal whisperers who sense the immediate past where an animal has walked, those that read trails and stalk animals. That imprint left on the ground. 

Are we enclosed in a very very narrow focus on an internal idol of information, all the while our sixth sense, our presence is able to sense what is all around us, and the stories of movement on earth? Is that why aging has become a shrinking and compression? That appeared to happen to my mother. I remember noticing a change in my parents over the years, something was happening to them. And it was a form of compression. A hardening. 

Then I find myself going through my whole internal filing system, to find a pattern and realize a motivation for a behavior. This exacerbates the headache. It is as though my headache is beginning to show me my habits. And the system inculcates such habits. Thomas Paine makes a note about accepting something one knows is out of whack will make that acceptance of a mis-take normal. Then outcry against the habit happens. Time eventually uncovers the false movement.  A third grader would probably understand that more than an entrenched adult.

When my mother moved through her death process, she lost memory, and she became more like a child. Like she was listening to directions more, wanting direction.  As though she was emptying out, and as that the " innocence" grew and she listened more.  At one point I said that perhaps it was time to let go. Using the filler " perhaps" because I believed it would dampen the suggestion.  My mother did listen, her quiet rather than a reaction was telling. I was surprised. Often, when I am surprised I am rendered dumb, meaning I don't speak because my assumption, a fear and as such hyper-inflated,  takes time to process, thereby rendering me dumb. lol

This happened with my father too when he suddenly acknowledge what an internal system of separation rendered one as one's behavior. He also started to share more experiences from his childhood. My mother never came to that point. 

The headache, let's get back to that. 

It has tentacles down into my leg - so to speak.  Within this, I find I am rejecting all the flow of information on the web. it seems an endless spin. A busy-ness that spirals around and around and around. It appears that answering to the spin pulls one into the spin. And the push back of and as reaction. Seemingly endless. It begs the question as to whether a projection of lesser manifestation has any real continuity? And that it goes nowhere. Here, the practical has been helpful, as it cuts away excessive worry, which is fear. Is this a practice that is how one gradually grounds one's self in the common sense of what is here? There definition of wisdom is to use knowledge, experience, common sense and discernment.  Embrace all of it, and sort it out.  Just like clearing a house, or learning to ride a bike. 

When I find myself wondering, or wandering in wondering, I stop.  Just like having read so many novels, the whole was revealed in the first sentence, which must be a thing because people are known to recognize a novel from hearing the first five words. That is sensing patterns, sensing a signature, and a signature has a pattern. 

When I recognize the spin, I breath, I sense my body and stop the habituated curiosity to " decode" the spiraling entity. That seems to shift the headache.  After all, at the end of the day, has one used creation, one's nature as creation, to build an image about something, rather than a connection with what is most real?