I can catch more and more myself moving into a spin in my mind, churning information around. Ugh.
Within this, I have a memory that is of a movement. It is myself, as a child, squeezing myself into something, like trying to fit into a piece of clothing that is too small. Is this myself, as that child, trying to see the way my parents see, to get along, to go along, or did I do this without judgement , just to try it out, out of curiosity and then get caught in the web, where I began to chase the promise of this that I was lost in that was the impetus to chase the promise of a more, a greater-than? lol, another memory comes up of using the greater and less-than symbols in elementary school. The < and the > symbols. I remember being very confused by these symbols, I remember forcing myself to focus on them, as though I did not want to take this in. It seemed such a small and useless thing. It has value. I guess. lol.
Did this then lead to becoming a member of the code of these symbols, and then I started to play with such symbols, believing myself to be more intellectual, while ironically at the same time being scared that I did not see the obvious meaning of these strange symbols right away as I compared myself to my peers, the ones who had already crossed into being in understanding of this code? Did I define myself as my shame that was based on comparison that was a starting point of competition? These symbols were no longer ‘ only what they were’ they became something else, they had an emotional back log, one that become a resonant part of me, and remained to be a part of a shield of belief about myself that I carried around and had to process through as I moved myself in reality. I wonder if this was at about the third grade, that age, that period where the promise in children who have not accumulated such baggage can still process the objects in the world, even the value judgements in others that are the same stuff of accumulated baggage that begins to slow down one’s innate ability to process information. Was I entering this stage where as the infamous TED talk suggests that by the third grade child can no longer come up with 100 ways to use a paper clip. I probably entered the age of my own suppression of a natural ability through a layered emotionally charged story self accepted and self created, that started with myself squeezing myself to fit into that same outcome in my parents that lead to following an idea of a more, when I was that more to begin with!
This is the reason for the tool of self forgiveness and self corrective application, to use that great technology that is your physical body, that is by nature of great neural plasticity, to remove, through forgiveness those limited and polarized self judgements and to restore who and what you really as, as you as life, able and capable of realizing hundreds of ways to use a paper clip.
If not for yourself, at least do it for life, for the children to come, and the many sentient beings on this earth that abundantly surround us. The system of scarcity is an illusion, yet to step out of this, each must accept who and what they are as life, and realize their potential. No one can do this for you, you must do this for yourself.
Join us. There are tools, and they are here to help you help yourself. Time to get this done.