Friday, July 28, 2017

Feeling and Structure and walking a dog. Day 785

I notice that there appears to me to be two sides happening. Somehow they are within utilization of an inherent absorbent ability and utilizing structure. 

Somehow, the gap, must come together between the two as I see it at the moment. It appears to me that there are two schools, so-to-speak, of moving from sensing as discovering,  within not bringing in too much structure, and utilizing structure as a means to an end.  In reality, it is both, it is a balance and interchange within both. Too little structure, and one spends too much time in finding self direction. Too much structure being given, as a form, to only follow, and one misses a sense of self within having perspective within that structure, which can in itself, cause a separation, and fear, as insecurity, because one loses grounding in a way. It somehow ties into the fact that we learn more from a sum of parts, the subject and the object, cross referencing within the two, that must come to a balance, where the processing between both moves with greater awareness. After all, separation is caused through limitation.

I find when I have back chat in competition, as comparing myself to another, or from a point of fearing to lose something, which means I want to win something, I am in a point of fear, and hence self interest, forgetting who and what I am here. What  I find supports me, is to realize that I have this world around me, the physical, and myself, and the group, mirroring the same as me, working through processes that are similar to my own.  Meaning, there remains this idea that I have to do this myself, which is a truth, and yet, it must also, must need, the world around me, the people, the plants, the animals, this as a structural awareness.  

This balance between listening, as ordering, as listing, form and function, movement and expression, be it of a considerate focus of all things, or be it, within a state of separation, as self interest, always with a quality of and as a “rush” being present.  When I have back chat in competition, the comparisons come up, and I am within ordering in self interest and not considering all things, where solutions are always the way forward. It is seeing the thoughts and what is in-between the thoughts, it is always, being grounded in realizing I am, and that I-am is physical. Within things that have happened in my life, what remains is myself here. What has real longevity, is the I am. What is around me, is what allows the I am. This is in a way, the same as god is.  Some people have said to me. “ that is Buddism.”  Yet, Christ said the same thing.  This is the same as the story of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, as the old woman in the woods, is the princess in another life, thus we are all the same, life in expression, each an expression in another life. We are here. I am.  Have we ever asked how that old woman came to the end of her life living in those woods? What shaped and formed her. I mean, we tend to choose families and cultures similar to our own, because we understand that our surroundings influence our children! 

The power to call things by their name, is being the living word. This is also buried, or made evident in our fairy tales. 

In this, a fear of making a mistake, is an illusion, and that same ability to move from sensing a form, to see structure, is also realizing the structure, as the structure is the means to the end, just as the physical is the means to the end, as though both are the same. Creativity, as I see it at this point, is realizing change can happen, within realizing to always  choose what does no harm. 

It is the realization that too much water is detrimental, as is too little, there must be a balance. This same realization is used to divide and conquer, in, for example, our health systems, that use imbalance to make a profit before bringing forward health from creating balance in the basic needs of the physical to remain in balance and function. Instead, imbalance, is created, to force needs that then must be balanced out. Yet, this is done in a way to perpetuate the need for pills, that perpetual payment, where one’s labor moves towards purchasing that pill, for the rest of one's life, where that pill is not concerned with creating stability, but maintaining an instability to not only direct labor, but also, to create a perpetual state of imbalance, because if one discovered this overall, it would no longer have the power to influence one, and one would begin to discover real support. This means, as the distraction is so ubiquitous, that it is a busy work to maintain the deception, because the potential to understand is more natural. It is like a perpetual static. This is much like the back chat within me, when I move into competition, manifest as back chat of a projection of a more and a state of being less.  And it is the same, in that what is here, as I am, is the physical, which moves in creative ways, as the principle of and as to do no harm, which is to consider all things. 

I have two ears and one mouth, which means that it is to listen more than speak.  Since I have back chat, at times, it means to listen even more, than speak, because of my own separations and the practice of listening to here, to the I am, to realizing what is in between the thoughts, as the thoughts are colored with value judgements and are not that kind of reflection of what is here, as those moments, when I am interrupted and  see through the veil of my own spin in value judgements, based on the past, based on the acceptance and allowance of a culture that is based on an environment and that experience made a construct or structure to guide one, that forgot from whence it came, as the physical world.  It is , as I see it, still a stagnation into fearing to really feel.  And yet, real joy would be to really feel. Within this, not fearing to make mistakes, and that includes using past mistakes to justify where I am at at present within bringing myself back into equality and oneness in respect of and as what and who I am as a physical state of being, that means living practical awareness, here.  Because, creation is practical, which is really cool, and so simple. What is in plain sight is simple, it is a chaos that separates it.

Yesterday, I was asked to go and to talk with some people that had experienced a bad situation regarding a dog belonging to someone I know. I knew that I was going to have to face their venting, and I realized it could not define me, and that it was to apologize, and lend my regards in understanding why they were angry. I hesitated when it came to do this, as I did not want to face that metaphysical state of blame and anger coming at me.  This is my past, and it is a fear of loss, a fear of being defined at the values within the venting. I have to tell myself that I have faced such and not reacted, and even done this, before I started to walk this process, in quite natural ways and means. Still, there is some fear of this, a fear of facing this event. it is a pattern of not wanting to face this, and becoming angry. Yet, what would I want if the tides were turned and I was them? Where I am at at the moment, is to realize there are only solutions, where punishment is not being and living a structural means of bringing forth a presence that lives not having a repeat of the problem.  Thus, even though I realize this on the one hand, there remains this fear of facing this chaos, because it will be loaded with so many things - or so I believe. This is more than likely, yet, not necessarily so. There may come more compassion than I am expecting.  Which, overall, I have been surprised with before. And, lol, expected other times, only to find I face a lot of anger and venting!

Living solutions, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, means taking responsibility, no matter what. It means investigating until one understands enough. Fear is, in many ways, not having investigated something enough. It means not having really looked and considered more than one’s immediate survival needs. It is recognizable in being caught in a construct of the lesser evil, which causes a spin of weighing values, which is not being in that space between thoughts, where one realizes the existent structure and the creation in expression, at the same time, feeling the creative ability inherent in the overall design, to change and choose what does no harm, and respects all things. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself t move into competition, as living a comparison within values, in self interest, not being realizing and understanding that the I am that is me, is within a limited idea, belief, or opinion, in fear of survival, and forgetful of the I am, that is me, that is here, that is the physical creation in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project outside of me that there is a lack within me, that I must defend, which is myself not being present, equal and one, feeling here, being in the simple joy of realizing what is here, is me, in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself toot see, realize and understand, what it means to be strong, for example, as I have lived this , within and as other areas of my life, where i was steady, and stable, and directive, thus, as life, in feeling here, this is actually a more natural state of being, than allowing back chats within and as me, of comparison, imagining success or worst-case-scenarios.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, being myself, feeling here.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear feeling, intros instance, the anger and venting of another, as though this can define me, as though this is impossible to deal with, when it is a consequence of other actions of lack, where the only solution is to realize directive structures that lend ease and a absence of a fear of feeling, as in this case it is a dog that has had little social interaction opportunities with other dogs. thus, the solution is here, and can be walked, and the anger from those who suffered the consequences of the lack in the dog, within the present system, will and may come towards me, as from one perspective, they are the victims of this lack.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react within and as protection and defense, within and as what is here, is to realize actions of complete responsibility to and towards what is best for all, as life, as living solutions, realizing that there are no problems only solutions, here, and to see, realize and understand that there must be more awareness structurally of and as the practical applications that have not been lived, in relation to this dog, that are the solution.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that just as it is well known in the research in reading development, most criminals are those who have no means of communication, that in itself causes a consequence of greater frustration and inability to communicate effectively, building a seed of dissonance and disconnect, where the inability to communicate, causes greater and greater loss of opportunity, leading to more ineffective behaviors in social situations, a self perpetuating storm of dis-clarity, and aggressive behaviors,  where the real solution is to rebuild effective structures of  a reciprocal nature as being able to simultaneously call things by name, and respect what is here as the very structure and expression of the physical, and the creative nature of this, as the ability to change, within and as realizing the only choice is to do no harm, as to respect all things, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into fear, into believing it is too much to face the storm, of and as not moving in and as the realization in practical action, in every moment, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, I stop, and i breath, and I slow myself down, and I recognize my own pattern of fear, as resistance, as feeling overwhelmed, as fearing to be defined, of believing I am responsible - as believing I must problem solve, or have all the answers, etc, - I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that this idea that I am responsible, is an idea, that I then self blame, becoming a perpetual state of not feeling worthy, a separation within itself, and also the answer, as in some ways we all realize we can problem solve, as we are the perfect forms to do so,  thus, it is to stop hating myself and to become patient and calm, realizing the solutions are always here, even if colored with a past of a consciousness of separation from realizing self as life, here, as being physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i should have recognized this before it happened, as this dog has been kept in  a yard, after being used to breed other dogs and as such having lived in a kennel, without any real socialization, and there for,  being life, wanting to interact with other dogs and yet fearing them at the same time, thus, there was not a recognition that the dog needed some socialization, which was lacking, and somehow it was my responsibility to have prevented what happened from happening, yet it is not my dog, and I cannot physically be in many places at once, therefor, and because of where I am , in this moment, it is to face the storm and realize the solutions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to in some ways, trust myself, within and as seeing realizing and understanding that I cam capable to assessing, as investigating, as in taking the time to understand, and within this, need not move into anxiety, fearing to be labeled, or defined as not being enough, or moving into self blame, based on expectations, within and as some idea, and instead to realize this as a past pattern, and to embrace it, forgive it, redirect it, within and as making as accepting a natural ability to assess and understand, as gather information, to realize there are no problems only solutions in living actions as who and what I am as a physical state of being as life in expression, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, to not within this, slow down, and breath, and ground myself here, in calm, giving as I would receive, as not reacting to emotional outflows, as the story of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, and to within this, give as lend understanding, assessing and realizing solutions,  as standing equal and one to physical creation, as creation would be and do, as this is being creative here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand,  practical awareness, as respect of the physical as who and what i am is always here, and as such the potential to always from solutions, within an as there are no problems,  is always here, and within this, to realize consequence within not realizing this sound principle, is a process, thus, with each breath, with each step, it is to birth life fro the physical, to realize the principle of oneness and equality as the golden rule, in practical action, as to give as one would receive, here.

When and as I find myself becoming overwhelmed and spinning into anxiety, I stop, I slow down, and I breath, and I take the space to respect here, to listen more than I speak, to hear more than wanting to speak up, to practice grounding and referencing here, as assessing what is here, seeing realizing and understanding the storms of energy, as separation, into a catch 22, or a more than and a less than, of fear of loss and desire for gain in self interest as belief, opinion and idea, to embrace this, forgive and to listen to what is here, to realize that it is natural to assess what is here,  and anxiety is more a protection and defense, as a justification which is a fear of loss,, instead of respecting what is here as life as the practical as the physical reality , the living physical reality around me, to practice when and as I move into taking things personally, fearing to be defined, as them, to then to forgive and to follow through into realizing what is best for all, here. 

lol, When and as I find myself reacting, as becoming frustrated, or resistant, to slow down and breath, to listen, to assess, to  cross reference my own back chat, and the tension within my physical body, to realize that just as a unsocialized dog does not know how to act with other dogs, so am I, within and as being  past as a practice of fear, spinning into anxiety, as a lack of processing, as a lack of respect of the practical, where the protection and defense, is in a way, a non - looking here at the practical,  as being in respect of creation, as all cultures are products of the environment, and to realize that I am physical, and that I can assess, real-eyes, feel, as life here, and enjoy, here,  in the same way, I have actually socialized a dog, who did not know, as never had the opportunity, to interact with other dogs , for example, on a walk, and as such, have lived that change, that change that came with the opportunity, and as such, it is a process, thus, when and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down,  and I forgive  personalities from the past that may arise, and I look here,  to build effective communication with here, as this reality as all things, that are me in another life, to practice realigning into equality and oneness with life, that is physical and in plain sight/site here. 

When and as I find myself facing a situation where I experience what i call ‘ venting’ I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess, check myself,  listen , realize to not take this personally, and ground myself,  as check to ensure  I am calm,  to realize that I can assess problems, and move with them into realizing there are no problems and only solutions here.

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