Friday, July 12, 2019

Day #827 To Process

I noticed this imagery coming up in my head - or “ around me.” I put it off through letting it go and then noticed this was not enough, there was a persistence in the nature of this state within me. I stopped and felt overwhelmed yet knew unless I took this apart and forgave that which was feeding this inner desire as an image, as a story, it would continue. I also noticed some emotional reactions that were coming up in relation to certain triggers.

As this was overwhelming to some degree, I had a sense that this was too much - there was a sense of “ impossibility”. I looked at the associations between the imagery and the emotional desire behind that imagery. I looked at the associations as defining one another in relation to the imagery and walked some self forgiveness. 

Afterwards, I checked this and it diminished. This is the power of self forgiveness, to forgive as “ give oneself” to what is existing within and embrace it, to take it apart and correct the ideologies behind the “ inner story/self definition/resonant outflow.” 

I also notice within another scenario in my life, a lot of gloom and doom and worst possible outcome “ devil and angel “  con-versations. In this scenario I have to look at some of the systemic structures to realize common sense within that situation. Thus, I go and I research to understand the sequences and what would be of more balance. This stems the tide of habits I have allowed of polarizing ideas about this reality that generate emotional storms and distract myself from being efficient and working with what is actual and real and practical in this present reality. This calms things. The polarizing emotional storms lessen as a more structural form is realized through walking the steps. 

In the second scenario, I realize I will interact with a group of people who most likely will be emotional. And, within this, I may or may not get a more structural “ model” through within this particular instance. I realize, just as in story, repetition and calm will go further than myself becoming emotional. That, IMHO, is like steering a ship through a storm. 

I realize, within these two examples, and within finding a path of least resistance, it  will be necessary to remain stable and follow through into understanding. In some ways it is a re-scaffolding of insight that lends greater momentum to process greater dimensions of what is being focused upon. This is something each and every one of us has done at some point in one’s life. If we can remember a moment where instead of becoming emotional, we remained calm and held through within lending direction, that moment can show us what is already very natural within us as life. The contrast exists within each of  us of those moments when we ourselves became emotional. With hind-sight most of us realize this and regret our more heavily charged emotional actions. Yet, it is to forgive this and realize what was learned to never react emotionally again and instead be more the model of remaining calm and persisting with telling a “ story “ as scaffolding a greater insight as to what would cause less friction and as such, be a path of least resistance. Humans are happy when they are doing and unhappy when they are not. 

In the most recent weeks I have been looking at the word “ scattered.” I realize moments within what I would call “ being loopy.” I have redefined that within the word “ scattered.”  How could one explain that something can be “ flat” yet be in tune, as music - where that “ flat” quality is a lack of “ tightness”? This is the best way I can explain this at the moment. It is that a lack of real substantive expression has a visible quality of being “ flat.” 

This has opened up looking at what being “ scattered” actually means in space and time. It is mathematical. The greater the degree of becoming emotional the greater the “ spaced out” value judgements I am allowing within myself. This appears in the very words a person speaks and the intensity with which the words are spoken. It is a “ version” that is inherently scattered. This contrasts with less is more. ( I mean “ WHHAAATTT”???- sounds complicated but it is simple in many ways!) 

Words can be expressed with an intensity that is almost harsh, or abrasive, thereby triggering emotions in another if another has defined themselves as value judgements, as polarized belief systems. Remaining steady, as the examples I have experienced, tends to be a state of greater calm. FOCUS, real focus, by nature would be of greater calm, because one’s presence is focused on practical step by step actions. One is too “ busy” with seeing things more directly and as such is more able to make decisions in a common sense way and means. Emotional states are very distracting. Being scattered makes it difficult to take action with efficiency. I mean, what is procrastination but being scattered? One is distracting one’s self from being efficient in one’s actions. This is evident in it taking a long time to get the most simple of actions resolved. 

It is the same within myself. If I allow those resonant scenarios within myself, as ideas, beliefs and opinions to occupy my attention, they become larger, and my actual practical actions take longer. My focus is divided. What charges such inner states is very visible- we have simply practiced suppressing this. We self censor, or self stupefy. 

The irony here, is that investigating and directing myself in this reality, by itself, lends self support. The kind that allows one to build one’s confidence to the extent one can be “ lighter “ within one’s self and thus, enjoy doing the most simple of things!  Thus, one becomes more joyful within realizing the small steps that get things done. This in itself removes that sense of being scattered! 

Being “ scattered” is being in fear, because one does not have a direct and efficient means within one’s self in relation to walking things in a way that they are done with efficiency. One could say that being efficient is being in a state of grace. Why do I say grace? Because we are moving in a state that is a path of least resistance, thereby having the space and time to enjoy the simple that composes the more complex. Is so many ways this is how a creation of states of separation exist and how states of calm and self confidence exist because the outcomes of walking with presence instead of emotional storms tend to get things done and allow a more natural expression as presence of and as being able to face the unexpected with ease. It is a beautiful design and makes sense. The greater society as this earth should be moving in this way. This is because this is how one builds things. There is really no reason for any friction in our lives other than to show where we have lost a certain inner balance and effective focus - and/or the time to resolve any tension and friction because the solution is always in plain sight. What thwarts that conflict is a loss of direct seeing as consideration of all things, to realize what is best for all. That sense in itself would build a self confidence that is happy to be here in this life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, as my beingness, as my innocence to  not see realize and understand that I live in a practical PHYSICAL reality that is always present all around me here and is me here, therefore the means to order, as respect, as build, as express with and as is in plain sight, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand, as my beingness, as my innocence, to realize when and as I allow myself to scatter, as spread out, as separate from being present here, walking the small to realize the more complex, here, as this living breathing, physical reality called life on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I am the most perfect of forms composed of the physical building blocks of life, here to see realize and understand with every step and every breath, the ordinary movement/expression/direction that enables me to not only understand this life, but also make the choice that is in consideration of all things, respecting who and what I am here, to be focused and realizing the path of least resistance to realize the simple that composes the more complex as this life on earth here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I find myself being in that “ quality” of and as feeling scattered, it is an indication that I am  spread out, as spaced out, as lacking in being focused and present here, to respect all things, taking the good and realizing what causes no harm as this is what I would want for myself, especially as a child born onto this earth here, this practical, physical, living breathing reality that is life in expression as it should be.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, as my beingness, as my innocence, that this state of being that has this quality of being scattered, is myself needing more information, or moving into more investigation to see, realize and understand that simple steps that lead to understanding the more complex, to generate a greater ease of movement, that by its nature, generates more ease, as joy, and as such, self confidence, here, to equalize to life which is physical and breathing, and living here, and ever present as life in expression is physical as it should be!

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I move into comparison in self interest alone, I am scattering myself into beliefs, opinions and ideas, instead of realizing the qualities of expression as being a math, that is a gift to understand and compose what lends greater paths of least resistance to open doors/dwors as insight into unfolding what is natural as being present here in this life, as life is physical and practical and ever in expression here, all around me, thus there is no such thing as being alone, as I am you in another life, as life is a fabric that is all one, here in plain sight. 

I commit myself to slowing down and breathing, to cross reference inner accepted and allowed habits, to recognize when and as I am becoming/being “ scattered”  to find that point of least resistance, that will most likely have a quality of grace, as that movement that allows one to move through the eye-of-the-needle into realizing the small, as investigating what is here, to sense the more complex and order in ways and means that move with ease, here in synch with this living breathing physical earth/life-in-expression.

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