Within looking at hurt, most of what I realize is that my own “hurt” is about suppressing myself.
The initial starting point of this, is reacting to something within my environment. Instead of processing all the factors within the environment, I instead went into frustration and anger, which is a form of confusion. It means I lost a degree of presence, and instead reacted.
In practicing this, I build up an energetic inner movement that then lead to more of the same.
This suppression of myself as my presence, lead to making choices that compounded this same state of separation. This accumulated into pain within my body, as the information that was me, as allowed by me, did not fit into being present, where I accepted what was here and moved with it, and did not yet have thoughts about it. There are moments in my life where I live as this, as responding without forethought, In those moments, this kind of response often triggered reactions from others, leading to that same behavior of frustration and fear. This state of being an idea is a thing, in itself, thus, I reacted to a thing that was an inner “ word” with values attached to it.
I relate this to processing information- which is what it is. It is like when a child cannot process the inner syllables of a word, or when a “ study” is used to back up a point but when one reads the “study” with constructive criticism, one notices that the study in itself is skimming certain information and therefore not a “ study” that paints a clear picture about something. I am the same when I do not take the time to connect with who and what I am here on this earth, a physical manifestation of life.
I can listen to another person speak and hear something similar in the words creating their perspective. Just this week I chatted with someone who felt very strongly about suppression of a certain race, while at the same time constantly talking about a group in which this person belonged. This person complained about one thing and then did the same thing in relation to some other group. Meanwhile, the fundamental aspects of what a human is and the most basic of needs of that form, had been skimmed over for the fault of ignoring some groups, and the aggrandizement of another group. This is simply a focus, a focus on a set body of ideals to define that person. This in itself a distraction from realizing a starting point that is equal in all human form on this earth. It is to say the degree of this passion for one group and the fault therein, had the equal and opposite effect of joining a group to define the person on the other end of the spectrum in the absence of realizing a starting point that clearly defined more the totality of what and who we are.
I can see where there is a lot of resistance within me in relation to holding an idea and sorting this out in a conversation would appear to be daunting. And yet, in remaining grounded, and not hyper inflating this contrast in this person that overall was a form of dualistic thin-king, I was more able to bring forward a response that was not emotional. This was evident in a lack of conflict. It was more a steady clarification that was more accepted. Having said this, I do notice that there is often a bounce-back effect. Removing a personification of ideas that has existed for a long time within a person, can take some time. The understanding of this, overall, causes less reaction and more of an action that is the opposite of that initial reaction, as a child, in relation to information in my environment from other adults and myself as what I was accepting within myself.
I was becoming that which I was reacting against!
In relation to all of this, I realize that in a moment, what is around me as the environment, cannot define me, and yet can also be embraced, to realize the focus of and as being focused on a thing, in relation to being here in this space as this life as this earth. It means working with what is here and what is constant as the physical. Therefore, there is nothing to fear to lose but to be scattered into limited ideologies that are from within myself, instead of being here in every breath, considering all things and taking the good, visible as a lack of an energetic friction-like response of and as a fear of loss, leading to the frustration and stress and tension and anger within me. In another way, it reflects the over-use of the imagination. It is, and not “ like,” that we have become humans that walk with a resonant projected mask right in front of us, coming from our head areas, like a giant resonant vortex right in front of us - thus in so many ways, our physical “ masks” we wear at the moment simply reflects what we have become within ourselves! We can all see it, yet we have suppressed the seeing of this. We IGNORE this. It is a thing. It is a personification. We cover our mouths and center the focus more onto our eyes! Showing us that we see more than use our entire physical bodies to sense being present and here as who and what we are as life, which is physical.
I have shut down my heart, to be and do this. as the life that is me, this is a huge hurt within me, because it is a denial of the life that is me. This is the matrix. It is a thing. It is visible.
What does it take to change a habit? It takes working through how that was created, and to rebuild at the same time, to restore what is natural and what would create a world where no poverty, starvation, or hate exists. It is the only way out of the limited thinking creating separation from self as life. It is practical and pretty simple. It is the inner resonant storm that is complicated. That storm does not want to die, because it has been generated for a long time, over generations. It will defend itself as the regurgitation of itself, becoming more intense as an attempt to hold onto itself. Yet, that is the point of change. It is to make sure one really knows the difference, because that is how we learn.
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