LOOKING here; at self hate Day 772

Looking here continued.

If I look at being ephemeral, where the ephemeral is something intangible, as yet inchoate, yet the stirrings of something, like a world on a world, like a musical stream, a musing that blindly moves in ignorance of what is real and what is here, missing the real expression all around us as the physical, would it be hard to admit to the division, and the real understanding of having done so, allowed such? 

 Can that shadow that is intangible, yet tangible, be that hard to correct? Would the resonance of such, appear to be something difficult to handle.? Within this, in time and space, it is interesting how the very words I use are all from the previous day coming from interactions, and how the words I speak influence the next day, because the words I have used seem to come up suddenly. 

Yesterday, I was driving home with my son, having picked him up from school. In the car he suddenly said that a person he knew was a toxic onion. lol, I was surprised that he recognized a pattern and called it out. he has been waiting on tables part time and interacted with a lot of people, and we have talked a lot about behavior, thus it is not as surprising as I might like to think. 

He also talked about an interesting model within learning. He had read something that described how we learn in our present environment. Imagine understanding something being a circle, when something is completed, or a goal in development has been reached- as another way to say it.  With the onset of building an understanding, one begins with  a simple scaffold in relation to becoming aware of what that circle is as a complete state of understanding. One begins, as enters into awareness of towards being aware of the total circle, via seeing first, as being with, a degree of awareness that is on the level of that simple triangle. Then that turns into a square, then a pentagon shape, then a hexagon shape and so on. Until one becomes a shape with many lines filling in the circle to the extent the space in the circle is filled. The point when one’s scaffold of understanding appears to completely fill in the circle, there comes a moment that is like a jump , where one is equal to the circle. This jump is a movement into grace. 

I see this, within looking at anger. I asked my son if he understood that anger is always self hate. Without hesitation, he said yes. lol, that was cool. 

What does an ephemeral world, a shadow world and reaching what is a metaphor for closing a circle - having a point of expansion that is a leap into grace, - AND anger being self hate,  have to do with one another? 

Anger being self hate,  ultimately ( and realize that there are no problems, there are only solutions, meaning a mis-take can ONLY BE CORRECTED INTO UNDERSTANDING )  means one is resisting LOOKING HERE, one is resisting one’s own capacity to find solutions, which must include this practical and physical reality. Anger exists when value judgements about something  are made larger than reality, which is a separation from reality, and thus lacking a state of grace, of which the very behaviors of anger are a marker of and as as an indicator of a loss of grace! 

One must simply LOOK at the ephemeral values as what one is lost in as one’s inner musings and deconstruct them, to refocus on the practical and physical living reality. 

Within myself I realize, having participated in the intangible, allowing and accepting it to be larger than life - running from it, hiding from it - that having to turn and face my biggest fear, which is really a fear of having accepted and allowed the same within myself, is so embedded, and yet, dare I say here, that it is possible to reach a state of grace within and as this.  Interesting how this brings a sense of shame and joy at the same time. Yet this is that point of leaping into grace, which no one can do for me but myself. 

If I reflect on the present system, I can see where it is a form, just as within myself, where a denial, a resistance of accepting ‘ grace’ is the thing most avoided, most resisted, and of such a busy work to retain doing everything possible to NOT LOOK HERE. 

Yet, there is no other place to go to. It is as simple as that. 

 The math of polarities as the game of good and bad value judgements, is such an illusion, it is quite astounding. And yet, from some small experiences, it is what every single one of us really want. One cannot see it if one is seeing ONLY a limited scaffold that is the focus of self, in separation from seeing the circle. The circle being the real, living and practical world around us.

Teaching children to ‘ fill in the circle’ in a box in their heads, is a backwards construct.  Using chemicals to balance out  dis-ease in the body, is completely backwards.  Having systems where some supposed authority, as authors of how things work, learned in a box, in a backwards way, is backwards - especially with bureaucracies of same construction as human beings who have moved contrary to life, is also backwards. It is all the opposite of life, using limitation to  resist reality.  The game and math of resistance to self as life, as living in a bubble as a head trip, of good and bad, right and wrong, blame and spite, resistance and rejection, is up. We live in a physical creation of form and function, where harm towards something is visible, and not what we would want for ourselves. Therefor , in any shape or form, it is unacceptable to harm. 

If I really understand that anger is always self hate, can I go out into the world and no matter what, act with grace towards all things, as being a voice as a starting point to say out loud, no matter what, that anger is always self hate? Will this stop a person moving into a track of and as an ephemeral  existence, visible and composed of polarities, as movements within a bubble as a built self interest, as a created self of and as energy that is division from what is eternal? This division of self, composed  of blame and spite  building  projection and conjure ( con- jure = with judgement )  that is the opposite of life as real self creation?  I suppose that the marker of this  state of grace would be to remain in gentleness, in a steady grounded focus with humility,  both reciprocating , as taking back to self, the math of separation AND remaining grounded here. After all, what are words for but to communicate what is here. 

Moving against a tide of separation, means being the same as what caused the separation, which means relating things with persistence in accord with reality.  The same as separation is built. Self dis-- covery is a process,  it i re-versing one’s self.  One must realize one’s verse and then realize the scaffold of one’s separation, to uncover what was always there; the circle. lol what a head trip! 

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.

More on Bringing it Back to Self Day 737

Bringing it back to self.

I am looking at the means justifying the ends. Reviewing this.

I realize that what I aggrandize, as make huge, like an elephant in the room, is what I attend to, as focus on. Is this in self interest, as a relationship of protecting what I define myself within as who I am?

It can be such a narrow focus on a few values, where at the exclusion of all things, as a cross reference, I am lost in a tunnel vision of my own command, my own imagination, my ownership of perspective, my owned borders. Self selected programming. A lie-by-omission.

Within doom and gloom, or, worst case scenarios, I realize this is the choice, because it is always a choice, I can take an extreme, create a fantasy as a hypothetical, as hyperbole, and believe that this is the center of this universe, forgetting all that is me, practically as I am physical first and foremost- my resource -  and project this onto everything, thereby believing that what I compose in my imagination is real. I become my own constructed illusion. And, I forget who I really am, I no longer ‘ know thy self’ and as a consequence am in a distraction, a business of limited insight. 

This causes conflict with my real self. This manifests as friction, or a clash with reality. This separation is colored by a belief that I am a superman, and why does no one else see this? I ask myself in my ego, my idealistic self.

I abandoned my own self worth, as me, as all of me, as the organism that allows me expression. When I am calm and problem solve, with effective actions, my whole temper is more insightful and connected to reality. I quantify greater measures of information,  and move with greater practicality, instead of projecting a myopic story of blame as only seeing a default, often something unkempt that I fear becoming. I end up using fantasy, as a worst case scenario to justify rejecting something instead of realizing what is an innate capacity to compose. Meaning, an innate capacity to see correction via problem solving within practical outlined steps of what builds a constancy that does no harm. This means standing up through my own mental projections and grounding myself in this reality. I mean, in all common sense, what are the elements of a garden growing? The simplicity is astounding and very cool. 

I am looking at the idea - because this is words on a page- of ‘ know thyself.’  I will place this next to the idea of a superman, so-called ‘ master of industry.’  Knowing self is powerful, it is knowing who and what one is, which is to acknowledge the physical world, and the practical steps necessary in real time, within completing a task. This would lead to effective action, and thus success, especially in a world where so many do not reference themselves because of a distraction into a heaven ideal. And yet, to know thyself means being practical, leading to becoming super effective. Somehow, becoming super effective has been made fantasy as the idea of a superman, which technological media can make appear to be real, causing a imaginative picture show of the possibility of great feats in physical time. Here, one is caught in a distraction so easy to quickly play out in the imagination getting a sense of being good, a chemical high and nothing else. Thus, a myopic focus, that happens in a quantum moment, becoming every moment. This is a de-manning ( demon) of self, sending a tie-me/ time dream elevated up there in the mind, un grounding the presence in reality. Thus, the equation of a truth, to pull one in, and a dream to tie one down in a fantasy that by design is a separation from real power, as that simple act of knowing the real score as self as a physical self, where things get done in real space.  The imaginative hyperbole is used after a truthful statement filled with promise, draws one in. This weakens the heart, or the essence of self. It is an imperfect practice of and as the instrument of life as the physical self.

So-called ‘ masters of industry’ simply practice real organization of the organ as the physical, meaning the resources of this earth, into industry, meaning they order the physical and real organ. Yet, unless they do so, ensuring no harm to any living thing, they too are not completely grounded in reality.  All the degrees of separation as each human as the degree of separation from practical physical reality,  can cause a competition that consists of following a dream that has been allowed to be larger-than-life as a focus that is different yet same, by subtle degree , as that equation of a truth coupled with a fantasy. That fantasy composed of inflamed values that are actions of excluding practical values that exist in balance in physical symbiotic nature, this earth. Even this earth at the moment, is less than its potential, as the very waters of existence are not evenly distributed in a balanced and effective act of sustaining what is here. Have a look, do we not use water to balance temperature, is this means not constructed? Yet, this may be too big of a jump, myself using hyperbole that may have some truth.  I am the product of such a system, I have to practice being simple and stop the holywood game within me. 

We may organize something in our daily lives. For example, I may, and have done this, rearrange my furniture after living in a home for a while. One day, I assess my home and have a ‘ vision’ of  changing the furniture arrangement. I assess it, imagine it ( okay- and correct use of the imagination) and move to physically rearrange. I may even change up the idea, and change the change as I move through the practical action of my idea/image. Afterwards, I stand and look at my re-creation and have a sense of satisfaction of ‘ pride’ in my capacity to do, even when on a simple scale such as this. I have become a ‘ master’ of my own industry within the dimensions of where I am at. I can enjoy this moment, without aggrandizing it, using it to make myself ‘ more’ than another, etc.. It is a simple act that I took to improve the space in which I live. 

In another dimension, I may have decided to take care of what I have as refurbish it, rearrange it to allow an environment of greater ease, as a solution, instead of going out and purchasing a whole new set of furniture because I have an idea that this is a solution, and because, to some degree, all-new-things, is somehow more fashionable, as it would be, in a consumerist society. I have had a sense that simply caring for what I have and rearranging it, is somehow counter intuitive to supporting this society. Thus, my pride as the simple self action, is colored with some guilt, a strange mix within me. Yet, that is the point of the ‘ superman’ layered story of colored, or polarized values, as such things so readily happen within me.  I forget enjoyment of the simple action of organizing as being present with what is here.  That pull into an extreme, as using a value judgement formulated without regard for effective and harmless actions that are enjoying a moment only, are impulsing me away from practicality and respect for the physical world that functions in simple terms. This pull into an idea of value, in my imagination, can go both ways, into a negative self definition or a positive self definition, either/or not realizing the simple enjoyment of organizing an organism as the physical. This physical being the means of everything I am.  Hard to see such simplicity with an overblown imagination moving counter to an innate ability to be the practice of  common sense. 

Thus, our ‘ masters of industry’ simply have a greater focus on the practical, and some can say, the means to move things around in the greater whole, which is why, resource acquisition is what our labor supports, even in giving to a church, that very standard of distracting through inner scaffolding, or scripting of information towards a belief in some greater life after this real life, this physical life, a life that would be creation, because being physical is creation manifest.  The thing we put energy into, as fighting, for resource, is revelatory of what is most real, as the physical. The time we spend as ideas, as stories of information in our imaginations, a quick and fast moving story where we live success in an instant, creating a false pride, is a mis-use of ourselves as life. It is that what we are, is so out of balance, and so habituated, the means using pieces of who and what we are, is so right in front of us, we will be astounded that we never saw this. Hopefully, it will happen before it is too late. There is a point of no return, a cancel of real life, as what cancer is and does.  

The solution is to breath, to slow way down and begin to see the patterns of deception, the patterns of de-ce-ption, the patterns of imagination superimposed on reality as an inner scaffold of ideas that is a bias made of aggrandized values in both directions, the bad and the good, as the negative that moves into a positive - the positive being a double consistently-practiced negative which is a giving up of self into the imagination. With moving focus into breathing, one begins to build a greater sense of self in relation to the whole of this reality. Then, is the work that turns into play, as sorting this all out and birthing self back into what is more natural, reordering the self, re-organizing the self - back into, and away from a scattered through a lie-by-omission self smothered in imagination as a false script filled with truths and colored with extremes - equal and one to what is the real universe, as the physical, where real creation happens. 

Real mastery is the realization that there are no masters, and there are no slaves. Real mastery respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This is done right here, in the moment.  Use your imagination correctly, imagine walking down any street, through any wood, over any bridge, and having the space to admire this creation being in an effective and supportive and expansive order, where all children can walk wherever they want, without fear and with an open mind, learning to create, taking that which is good and does no harm. Is this not what we all want. Listen for it, it is there, it is under the illusion, and it is what we all desire. Slow down and breath. No one can do this, it takes all of us. The means is within us, each and every one. All the kings men, and all the king’s horses cannot put us back together again, What is cool is that it is natural for us to do this.