Day 425

Every tine I begin to worry about the future, imagining worse case scenarios, I have to stop, and to breath, and to look at where i am and what I am walking, always directing within and as what is best for all, instead of the voice of the past as how I have allowed judgement as measure of this world from a perspective of limitation as fairy tales I allowed instead of looking at practical, factual, real physical life all around me that is real, that is here.

I keep thinking of this small frog I cupped in my hands the other day that I found in my basement. I clenched my hands tight, creating a space between them for the frog’s safety. This little frog still managed to move between the cracks of my fingers. I thought, how can this small creature, push through my fingers, that I held to tightly together? And then I breathed, because I was clenching so tight, forcing my hands together that I was not gently just holding my hands without effort. When I did this the frog calmed down, and my hands steadied. Then I went back to look at the sensation of that frog pushing through my fingers. The frog moved without effort. I think of this too, because of a picture of a tiny wood mouse climbing up a dandelion. The dandelion did not even bend with the weight. I have small wood mice, and they climb the stalk of day lilies, because I have a HUGE section of them in my yard, so I have caught sight of these tiny mice climbing them. In my ignorance, I can’t understand why that lily does not move with the weight of the mouse? This appears to defy gravity for me. I mean the top stems of these lilies are thin, and they easily move in a breeze.

Then I always think I come up with these seemingly random events that I then try and make some sense of. lol Like there is some logic I seem to miss. But then, given the state of the world, prevalent logic has not solved problems. So, hey, why not follow what moves through my mind.

When I am in worry, I am the same as clenched hands, I lose a sense of here. I lose sense of physical reality. Is really being focused here of the same strength as that tiny frog able to pierce the forced tension of my hands as reaction in fear ( ior) of/to life? Is that which is so close, so here, of a strength and purpose far superior to limited ideological directives as mind?

If I think of the consumerist world, and how buying that thing that is like a religious relic that supposedly imparts some magical ability, that is like a quick fix and yet leaves a sense that is flat afterwards, and meaningless in a short time, I can see where an absolute focus here as self being directive would be so much more fulfilling. Being here with reality, with physical fact, rather than ideas about here.

It is like “ here” is lighter and yet stronger than the ephemeral world of idea.

If I take this from the personal to the interpersonal, this that does not tense up, fight against, but accepts the release of idea over matter, to realize that matter, as the physical is what is real, and within this, just as I had lessened a grip with an idea of the frog escaping, and instead relaxed with the simple fact that the frog was being carried out of the basement and could do nothing to me, and that it was a simple thing to walk from where I was out the door and place the frog on the ground, realizing that there was really nothing other than this, I could within relationships, be the same. Bring what is here, into simple here action that walks what realizes here in common sense, thus no idea need overwhelm as it only needs to release as itself as tension that is limitation as idea only, back to here. 

We are so used to chasing, and collecting value based on fairy tale imagery, building ideas as to how this should be, when the here, as the physical allows direction with a structure that has withstood the test of time and thus needs no fear to exist. So, our separation as mind, is complicated, and being here is simple, and yet being here has more depth than the complication of the mind. So, ironically, complication is confusion, and physical reality is clarity. This is why the consumerist industry is everywhere, because it confuses that which is simple, that which is right here. If one were allowed to stop and be here, for one moment, the consumerist industry would not have a chance. So, there is no one to blame but ourselves for chasing an idea, for separating from what is real that is right here, that has the power to move through something much bigger than size would suggest. In other words, things are not complicated, it is only the separation that makes it so.