In doing a walk though my past, to see, realize and understand how I have constructed personalities within and as me, as movements from my past, where I essentially did not do the math of existence, as common sense, and instead manipulated myself within to compensate for what I wanted in self interest, based on what was coming up within me, as a child, I can see how I moved in desire and protection instead of connecting with reality.
This appears to be such a small movement, and yet it remains and influences subsequent movements unless it is sorted out, as the information I allow to define me and practice, becomes who and what I am. It is like this life is a gift to move within and become intimate with, and yet, this small movement, can have repercussions because it is actually a movement against direct seeing of the world around me. Common sense means to see directly, and it is innate in the capacity of the human physical body.
Such things are information, as small movements, that can be words, and that can accumulate and become a persona of information, inflamed because it is not of a direct seeing in this reality, instead it is a movement away, a movement of rejection, of fear in facing here. It is a fear of something dying, yet how can what is the gift as life, as self, be lost from here, ever?
Also, there was a sense, in this memory of this movement away from direct seeing, as sorting out what is here, even within not realizing that my own movement of separation - as not doing the math- was most likely what I was seeing that was the same as me, that I modeled and participated within and as that was at its root the very problem! How interesting, that I should in space, not see this, or did I? I was being what was the cause, more than likely, that lead me to be this movement of rejection and resistance of a ‘ math’ undone! lol That undone math, would compound as an action, and become what defined me. This is why the way to life is through the eye-of-the-needle! One must do the math of creation to create. one must play the instrument; talking about it is talking about it, imagining it is imagining it, it is not the doing of the thing, and the magic, the real magic is in the ding of the thing.
What is a time line but rolled up information, I mean, what forms a tree? Is not a story a seed of information that creates an image? I suppose it is blasphemous to question story, because to question is already to be in separation, though a good means of discovery of such actions, and also, to call something out by name, to begin to look at the parts and the whole and here, oops, something may be discovered. Thus, to question is to begin to move into a journey towards restoring, as reviewing, the math around one.
In this memory, of which I speak, I was moving against the story of life, the storied information as that which creates the seed that is of eternal information that can and is a part of what sustains creation. Another way to say this, is that if I can do the math of separation, I can do math, which means I can do the math, or process the information, of what sustains and supports creation. Such a subtle mis-step. The ways, as movements, reveling the means!
Within this, limitation becomes a welcome means of re-grounding in the practical, as reality, as this is a process of refertilezing a presence lost in limited information back down to earth, to live , or embrace what is here. Within this, my own accepted and allowed resistance to the movement of life around me.
For some, this might seem that one is letting go of something, when what is being let go is a color that is ‘ the color’ of separation from seeing directly and doing the math of here, as creation as the physical. The color, a set body of information that is the cause of friction and conflict in moving in ways that lend a direct seeing and as consequence, participation in creation. Ironically, one of the things I noticed about children, from my adult perspective, is that they love structure and to participate, it is such a natural desire. I mean, we all participate in the separation from life, manifest as beliefs, opinions and ideas rolled up into personalities, inflaming our organs and causing dis-ease. That we continue with actions that are not what is best for all, and thus equal to the act of real creation, is that we structure our separation and participate within it, as this is how things are done! The magic is in the doing, if the doing is a practice of resistance to doing the math of creation, then that is what informs is; in other words it is still a math, and still information rolled up into an entity as the math one accepts becomes personified. Creation is a beautiful and balanced design, what we create is always here, as this is the gift of life.
If I allow myself to become separate, as the movements I allow that become what informs me, I can see where I would fear that which I am, all around me. I can see where I would fear what is me, that is the same outside of me, and I could see where I would resist this. The only way out is to forgive and do the math. I mean, look, music is a math, and look what one can do with notes! What is the difference really?
All I can do is forgive, as self correct the time lines of my actions that built the seed that becomes the information that automates and directs me. Automation in some ways is forgetting , or rejecting, and thus moving without awareness, if I do not check it and ‘ clean house’ once in a while, to make sure everything is in balance. This is the same within playing an instrument, one must check, yet when something is well known, I do not have to think about it, because in essence I am doing it, know it, so well, that the ‘ checking’ is done with ease and very quickly. I could say, that automation appears to be a quick check, as it is something that is so clear, it appears to not be checked, the movement is simply one lacking resistance. It is a perpetual balance. Have a look, while playing an instrument, one is doing, and must have some awareness within the whole, to balance the parts. Yet, this is an indication of how great the separation from being present here is, that I have a color/idea/value around the idea in my mind of automation being something automatic, when it is myself no longer present and flowing in awareness of the parts and yet, within the process of development one must always check, and that checking appears so fast and moves with such ease, it is simply one’s presence moving through a form in movement in a moment. This point of ease, in a sense, is a point of self mastery and not a machine running without awareness. Thus, I become my own friction within who and what I am as the information that is me, here- that I allowed unless I remain present in checking the information within and without that is me here, as life.
Thus, the solution is to refurbish my presence, as that which accepted the resistances and the justifying movements of separation, back into what I have automated within me, to realize the friction and conflicts, that disrupt being grounded, and then, to change to a math that can move with ease here, and stand here. It is like creating anew. In space, this time line, this seed , as a personality, will become like a moment of falling, like a child learning to walk, and simply a part of the process of creation, nothing more nothing less.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, in detail, that every move I make, that every thing I accept and allow as a value, of doing the math here, or of resisting what is here, becomes who and what I am, a gift of life, to either become equal and one with and as creation as this physical world around me, that is me, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am life, and as such, able to do the math to understand and express, in equality and oneness with and as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life, into and as fear, as accepting justifications as fear, as allowing an inferiority to what is here, and separations as mis-takes on the math of creation.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the time lines of information as movements, as a math, within and as me, are strings of forms, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, causing friction within the movement of me here in this physical reality, and as such can be deconstructed and reconstructed with and as what and who I am as the means of myself here, utilizing sound, as the building block of who and what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is great joy in this act of being and doing, and thus, as who and what I am, as life, I am the capacity to process the information that is here, and what I have accepted and allowed in separation as a forgetfulness of the value being life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have not seen realized and understood how the means reveled the end, and how the means is the same that can reconstruct and deconstruct my own acceptances and allowances, the personification is a math, as movements that can be defined and retuned, to become in tune with life, as the physical is here, to ground me, and allow the presence of me to become equal and one to creation, as seeing creation directly here as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that doubt is fear, and fear is simply not having enough information, and as such reveals the means to the ends, which is to slow down, to breath, to cross reference and utilize myself as life, grounding myself back into reality, to animate the presence of me, here, equal and one to and with creation, to stand and move through the eye of the needle, into equality and oneness with creation as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that moment as a child, of a separation into fear, to survive, not seeing realizing and understanding I created within acceptance of and as my own separation into personifications as being not having done the math, as realizing this was the same around me that was what existed, and was what I allowed to frighten me, as I see it in this moment, which was myself fearing to let something go, that I defined myself within and as, and instead to simply do the math, as see the information of separation as what I was being and allowing, as the means to solution, and for this I forgive myself.
When and as I find myself resisting, as a movement , at times so subtle, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand with practice, with attention to movement -breathing- how I am moving myself here as information, to see realize and understand my acceptances and allowances that build resistance and friction in relationship to this physical world around me.
When and as I find myself resisting as allowing and accepting limitations, I stop and I breath, I call what I am allowing out by name, and I move into solution, calling the solution out by name, the information by name, to ground myself here, into and as the practical, to automate, as animate myself as life, to become equal and one to here, within as as accepting and allowing only that which does no harm, and respects all things, here.
When and as I find myself in conflict, in uncertainty, in confusion, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess the information that I have allowed to define me, that has become me, and I autocorrect, as in call my self accepted and allowed information, out by name, as the word, and I assess as investigate what is here, within and without, as acceptances and allowances, and I stop, slow down, breath, to balance myself , to stop the animation of personalities I have accepted and allowed in separation from being grounded here, present, in this physical reality, to see, realize and understand ‘ right action’ within and as this being what embraces limitations as information to direct in regard, in acceptance of myself as life, a relationship to and as a math, as a song, as what expands awareness and thus presence equal and one to here, as the physical.
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