There was a point within learning to play the violin, where the moment one expanded in ability, one had to move on. It is a point where expansion is realized as having stages, the process moving in a measurable way, It is moving past the moment of awe in a previous expansion and flowing with the whole process of one’s awareness within greater ability, as awareness within what one is doing, focusing on. One becomes comfortable within the process of becoming aware of something, instead of getting locked in to the micro steps of initial moments of expansion, that can create stagnation if the awareness as to how expansion happens has not the experience of the means of expanding awareness as being the steps taken. In other words, one see only the expansion yet has not enough practice in this to see the forest through the trees, as how the practice of placing oneself into new movements and forms is a living practice that has a direct means of growth as greater understanding.
I have heard the term lately, a lot, as ‘ doing my best.’ This term is bothering me, because I am seeing this as that stage of being in awe of having expanded in one’s awareness yet, the movement is still stagnant in that it accepts a best and revels in it, to the point where there is resistance to continued movement. It is like making the slowing down of a train or state of being into this HUGE HUGE thing, losing sight of the process that lead to ‘ besting’ one’s own personal growth. It is like to say that one has expanded in awareness and is not yet ready to move into another expansion, which is really an excuse, because one’s life has only so many hours. It is, not wanting to look at what exists, and wanting to control the very momentum around one, in the order of one’s comfort in relation to looking and being aware of reality here. It is wanting to have the whole world move in the order of changing one’s inner construct , or state of being. Thus, this is a separation, it is a force against who and what one really is, a physical machine that naturally is so able to process information in this real, physical world around us. Thus, the whole idea of ‘ doing my best’ is a subtle contradiction, or counter intuitive state of being in relation to reality.
Today I was looking at this, triggered by realizing a state of being as a memory from my past, and interactions that I have with others, AND a video that came up on FB. The post was about a movie coming out called hyper normalization. I thought this word relevant to what I had experienced within my own realization to a greater degree ( that has yet more to become aware of) of who and what I am, and this statement I have somehow honed in on, as ‘ I am doing my best.”
The word hyper for me represents tension, and tension is holding onto something, keeping the strings in a state of tight pressure. It is to say, ‘ I am comfortable here and I am not ready to change this that I have created or allowing myself to move into with understanding, and unless I have full control I am not going to move forward.” Yet, one is already formed as a physical state, one can focus here, do the real math of here, and become comfortable within who and what one already is! The hyper-tension in living as an idea of being normal, is already a separation from being present. It is an illusion! Thus, being a state of ‘ doing my best’ is an illusion!
I mean have a look, the stages of grief are a lot, or the same , as the stages of growth. One denies something, fears it because one does not know it, and thus one resists change, and then there is acceptance! It is the same with improvement, for example, within learning to play an instrument, a physical real, it-is-what-it-is instrument that is not emotional, cannot complain- that is a form as what it is, that works in a very visible and specific way. “ doing my best’ is a statement of separation from one as an instrument of and as life. My physical body is not emotional, when I eat properly, when I listen and pay attention, as FOCUS, here, I can see realize and understand how I expand. I look here. If I do not realize actions that realize this, I do harm. Really, looking directly at this, means one must face the shadows of resistance to life, within and as our present system without that is a consequence within allowing the denial of and as this!
What I noticed, have noticed, and speak up about, meeting resistance, is how much, and to be specific, teachers say things like “ I am doing my best with what I have” meaning I am doing/directing-myself with the dictates of the state. This is accepting a collective acceptance of a system, a way of doing handed down by people inFORMation ( because the state is people ultimately) and therefor not having to become responsible for myself. This is using the collective to determine one’s self motivation in practice. This is an argument used. YET, when a child does an action that is simply the reflection of what the state ( the collectives acceptance) has handed down via media, as so much hyper-sexualization and has behaviors within such parameters, such as posting a picture of a penis, those very same teachers jump on the individual and counter the action within the individual. They attack the individual for accepting such actions. They move from the collective reasoning as how they are directed, and yet do not do so with individuals in their care that are simply doing the same as the teachers; modeling/playing out/exhibiting the dictates of the state - as the state, as the PEOPLE- are the ones collectively handing down what one uses, as focuses on, as allows to determine where they are and how they are within a natural ability to expand in awareness of the instrument that is physical that is here, right in plain sight. The child is simply modeling what is handed-down, as dictated, as allowed, via the media, as a ‘ pornification of reality= we could call hyper sexualization!
This is classic projection of what one is doing within, onto another, using the collective with self as justification and in one’s immediate environment , when same behaviors come up, jumping to blame and spite and call out by name what another is doing- as though this absolves the self of what self has accepted and allowed, and/or distracting what self is allowing through pointing out the same action in another! Naturally, when what something is, is called out by name, it no longer has any power- and one need no degree to be able to do this. And, of course, the action, or movement, called out by name, is going to react- just as Rumplestiltkin did when the princess called out his name, he threw a fit, danced around his own fire and burned up! lol. It is amazing how our fairy tales expose our own behaviors! What is real has to be given, so that manipulation cannot be put on the one manipulating as ultimately, it is the one accepting the mis-information ( direction lacking principle of equality- which is to consider all things) that is not of ‘ right’ action. This is why no one can put Humpty Dumpty back to gather again but the self.
I have to say, that when I point out this math, because it is a formula, a math. I meet with such resistance to doing the math of this. At the moment it appears as though there is this spin around this, that there is this hyper- state of being that repeats “ I am doing my best’ as a shield of denial. It is hyper/tense/stubborn/resistant and the collective acceptance of this state of GRIEF/ expansion-in-awareness, has come to be considered as NORMAL. It is as though we are in a perpetual state of grief, called hypernormalization that actually shows us how we expand and learn, how we can build a momentum in realizing this is how things move, and yet we stand on that line of resistance justifying our own hypernormalization through blaming the dictates we accept and yet jumping on little individual actions around us that are the consequence of a collective acceptance of what is allowed as directives ! This is hiding in the collective and ping ponging between the individual and the collective within what maintains our own acceptance of rejecting ourselves as life.
How is that working for us? What harm and what suppression of life is that manifesting as greater degrees of attention dis-orders in our children? What are we passing down and waiting for someone else to fix, when it is the waiting that is the action holding the separation in place?
We understand how human development works. We understand that suppression of this sequence in development causes discord with reality, dissonance with reality, and thus behaviors of tension that do not fit into that momentum that leads to self mastery. Everything is known, thus, the statement ‘ doing my best’ is an admission of a choice to not be directed by a principle that is best for all, as in every moment considering all things, taking that which is good, stepping out of the resistance manifest as accepting a dictate from a bunch of people somewhere in a ivory tower that have no real relationship to what is going on right in front of one. This is believing that there is somehow some greater authority than the natural capacity of self to stand in respect of this reality, this practical physical reality that gives the real means of direction within seeing directly here, and knowing within one’s self how one expands in awareness through looking here. One must stand as who and what one is, a human being, and call out things by name again and again and again, until through all the dissonance this is heard- I mean, is this not what the state does via media and dictates? Is that state not people, as other humans, who cannot possibly know what is happening right where you are, on that piece of ground where one stands.
What do you want? Do you want to live a healthy, and productive life, with the time and space to have the freedom to understand reality, to enjoy this reality? To step through the view of a storm-in-a-tecup takes self action. When practiced, eventually, one begins to see the forest of memory shadows self has accepted and allowed to direct who and what one is, and can then begin to see the real life, the real forest as the physical, and can no longer accept what is unacceptable, and, at the same time, give direction and/or face the reactions of separation, of ‘ I am doing my best’ and call them out by name to dis-empower the separation and empower the self to stand as what is best for all. This is, after all, the only choice.
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