Learning step by step to redress a limited morality Day 733

This week I had conversation with people in very different positions in this world. I have learned to become quiet and listen with greater ease. Meaning instead of reacting I listen, to hear the forms, to see the ‘ numbers’ placed before me, as the measure of the information.  

I have two memories coming up recently. One recent and one from my childhood.  

The first is while I am working in a  school. There is a boy in the room, it is a remediation , or invention class. This boy is behind in his ability to read and process information. The teacher comes and asks the boy why he signed up for a class that he knows he can only take once- as the boy has already had this class. The boy then moves this into a conversation as to why he can only take the class once. The teacher responding. After the boy leaves, this teacher gets on the phone and goes through the whole conversation again with a colleague.  I watch all of this, somehow it is a time frame of busyness that is a comfort zone, a distraction. The boy, so isolated from his peer group, grasps as moments of verbal interaction, to have something to live. He knows he cannot repeat that special class that is popular. The teacher joining in the topic to engage the child, and using the topic to fill the space and entertain, because real problem solving as processing information is not happening and it is the problem.  Ironic that the mechanics used are the thing needing greater definition, greater self reflection within what one lives in real space as what one expresses, as a math that has no real direct seeing movement. It is like an elongated song, a math, imposed on being grounded in this reality.  It is like a bubble of drama, or draw-me, imposed on the space that is a self seeking connection yet the connection is a false positive, as engagement is a fundamental drive. Yet this drama, done with words and values, is sidestepping a real awesomeness of being present in all that is here, as the physical.  It is, by default, a comfort zone melody/math/soap opera filled with good intentions, yet missing the mark, not seeing itself as a separation from the capacity of itself to see the distraction it is by the very nature of a lack of presence in real space. 

This also happened with talking to a friend. This person has had one of the best educations our country provides. She has attended the best schools.  We were talking about history, when she made a statement that I have heard and could see the accepted logic of in relation to ideas about changes in time away from what is considered being spiritual. It was a statement that science caused a loss of spirituality. When this statement was made, I countered it by saying that this could be said of any change as recorded and voiced by our system. This naturally caused a lot of friction and I had to stop, listen and allow the rant of defensive for platitudes to play itself out.  I checked myself even when it was said that I had to be righteous at the end of the response my words elicited. I even agreed that I had been righteous, and that what was said was a standard  formula that was stated. Naturally this brought on more reaction. Yet, as she spoke, to some extent, she travelled through time and realize the pattern, that it could be said that there were other periods where the same argument was made that a subsequent period created a loss of something. Overall, this was a play out of knowledge and information memorized, a standard hi/high- story ( a supposed morality) of information constantly circumnavigating practical and grounded application in real space and time, in common sense of what and who we are as physical beings here.  

Even to see this, and not be as reactive towards these songs, these maths, these measure of information, took some time. Standing up to the very morality of this, meaning to speak up counter to it, even if that meant calling out patterns, knowing this would elicit reactions, I allowed to cause a lot of fear. This fear manifested as myself feeling like I was losing something. Physically I would become, just like the feeling of fear, loopy and ungrounded, like I was in a soup, losing ground.  I feared that I was going to be cast out, rejected, because I did not know, as agree with the formula, the accepted formula. Meanwhile, when this did happen, I was always here, it was only an idea within me, the loopyness myself, in a way, liquifying everything I believed as spoke as allowed, moving into a spin, a deconstruction of the information as me. I would acquiesce to not lose the relationship, for various reasons that were more of idea than anything real. What is interesting is that when I was more simple and more practical, and relaxed, as in caring but not that much, the drama stopped.  In this situation, I could see the remnants of my own fear playing out, and within the rant of justification for a standard belief, a process of self discovery as the math, as the equation of events made belief were made verbal. As the realization of a pattern via justifying the standard pattern was seen, there was an immediate movement into value judgements , this some call hyperbole.  It is that formulaic design I have seen in those blogs written by trolls, where a truth is stated and then moves into the fear tactics of value judgement, a kind of mendacious gossip that is the pulling forward of a value judgement and then suggesting worst case sceanrios. It all can appear to move like a horror show as it triggers any fears within one, and keeps one riding in an illusion that is held in place by a lack of processing what is allowed as informed that has no real relationship to practical reality. For me, moving through a morality of and as an idea that pushing against this in any way, was taboo, was mean, meant a certain rejection by the establishment. Somehow, the opposite is true, which I have found when being patient, allowing the scream of limited information to play itself out, to move into discovery or the formulaic play-out of trolling, as name calling being a distraction from that moment of realizing a pattern that would mean re-evaluating everything one had defined one's self as. 

This sense of feeling like a liquid inside myself, triggering the second memory, I am in elementary school, and suddenly the wods around me are changing, and they change from some value form, I don't remember, to the point I remember, as being this liquid thing that falls apart and reforms. In the memory, I do not react with the sense of losing ground that I have experienced as an adult. I suppose because as a child, I was still grounded in the physical to a greater degree than I have allowed myself to be as an adult. 

Interesting that I am writing this, because I have asked myself in this process where that point of separation from being focused in common sense, happens. This because I have asked question about being in a situation where I, be it imagination or a micro second in seeing through a veil, managed to see a different world perspective than what I was lost in as that information I spun in that changed in a moment for which it appeared to me that I had no control over. I wanted to see the sequences of change from one to the other. The leaps of  change happening too fast for me to process.  I suppose some tiny part of me understood that I am in a smoke and mirrors show, the ghost of which terrified me, and lead to asking the question " Where is life? It must be here, it has to be here, where is it?" 

As I learn to assess in living space what is happening around me, and I begin to realize a false morality in practice, I move into shame, and a sense of impossibility at clearing all of this up. there is a point of wanting to cry that circles around as I move through the sequences of my own experience, of my own experiences from my life. I would say the hardest from within my relationship to all of this at this point, is no longer fearing to move through an acepted and limited morality.  That being to face and address the standard line of information. This being a justification, that a method of operation, that is formulaic. Ironically, this a means that lead to a greater seeing or realizing of these patterns was through slowing down and processing the information, not fearing to lose something, as having a faith that somehow life is here, all around me, as it has to be, because life will. I would pick myself up, like a slow moving Sherman tank and try again, despite so many around me coming in with counter rationals, myself having a character that wants to cry out in hopelessness, that being a memoory from childhood, a memory of giving up in some way, as yet not clearly defined. Somehow, that is okay that it is not, because the means to this point is to keep going until the mote in every eye is clear, and what is eternal is realized. Somehow, mixed in with the fear, is a tiny sense of joy. And with that joy, is so muchshame, a realization of so much lost, I just want to cry out that I am sorry, so very sorry for not having lived the potential inherent in what men on earth can be. 

This was a loss of what I left behind, as a gentleness that had a natural patience, which I lost in my life as well in a person, something that can never come back. No one can tell me that it is not my fault, when yes it is the default of not being focused and in respect of what is all around us, and that is life, manifest as the physical.  What I project as a loss in another, is what I lost as me. The means to be this, the same patience and silence that allows a morality to play itself out, and the action of not reacting to the formula of a troll, that truth coupled with inflamatory value judgements using a false narrative with a energized voice that has only the power I give to it. My own process of choosing fear and believing the self created and accepted entity of ideas wihtin me, to seem more real than the practical.  In all I can embrace the unnatural, because it is a game of shadows and stand within what remains no matter what, that I am here, I am the same after the emotional picture show peaks and moves either into realization and/or protection and defense. That defense needing no push back and only patience, because that reaction allows me to realize my own reflection as idea, of what I have allowed. It is a gift. 

In this, overall, I can stop chasing shadows as what resistance is by name, as information, a story imposed through words -as knowledge and information - and remember who and what I am, that nothing can define me, and that I can learn the smallest of movements, to stand equal to that gentleness that is the will of me as life, here.  I can be myself,  I can gift myself life, I can recognize the paranoia of the paranormal, as the promise I made to myself that I had to become myself, to ensure that the loss of what is precious, never happens again.  Somehow, this state of being on some border, as I see it, is both a mixture of shame and joy.  There is only one choice here.

This reminds me of the slow death of my father. His body having all the characteristic tics and tensions, that slowly faded. His body became still. The energies appearing to no longer have license over the body. The body taking a couple of breaths even when he was gone. His request that he be buried next to his sisters, a telling story - as that time with his sisters, was probably the last time he remembers being really happy/grounded, just as my memory as a child.  This choice being the choice where he remembers some semblance of himself, so far back in the past. The presence of him, being more of a child, gentle and simple. How could that be?  For me, the loss of that gentleness is unacceptable.  The wall of the mind,as a false positive, a charade of separation from what is real, must be called out by name, and allowed to see itself for what it is, a personality unequal to the real potential of self to be what is natural as the inherent will of life within and as who and what we are here on this physical planet, where all plans as forms of information are visiable, even those causing separation if we simply slow down and do what we can all do so well, which is to do the math, to see the forms,  to know we can stand stable in ourselves and choose a practice of respecting the physical world around us to realize what does no harm. 

Remember to breath. 

Day 689 Looking at the word " Star"

Within defining the word star, looking at the math of the emotions and feelings that are an aggrandizement of a value, I realize, based on my own childhood, how much I can inflate something, creating an entity that I fear seeing beyond or hide behind, creating an inflated value of a good and a bad.  I am not seeing the practical math of form in physical existence. I am renting a value, that becomes a weakness that I practice  in protection and defense, an entity that must be grounded in practical reality.  After all does not a seed begin with a single movement? And do we not learn something through starting with a single movement?

What do I mean by all this?

As a child, I remember not wanting to look at my parents. As that child I have memories of always looking up, looking up towards a big person, a person I did not want to see. I would look with fear, I would resist looking.

Later, as I grew and was a little bigger, I remember turning to look and see, I remember the word “ I care” within myself. And so I became a person who cares, as though this enabled me to look. yet I looked with a energetic polarity, meaning, I looked to take care of the person. As though I could see the division from something and the behaviors in front of that blocking the person. I could see the behaviors as projections, a maze to work through. Unfortunately, I got lost in the game, and began a persona of using information to make me more, when the limitations were screamed at me, like a protection and defense I had not the means to move through yet, I could not do the math to move through this. I could not communicate the words, the measures, the math.  I created my own limitations in protection and defense.

 I remember reading the “ TIN DRUM” when I was twelve, not having any understanding of the context of war. What fascinated me was a child screaming without end. I remember carrying this book around with me, totally engrossed in reading the descriptions of the child screaming. I carried it in cars with me, where parent’s friends were amazed that I, a twelve year old was reading this book.

Obviously, I was searching for something. Perhaps I hoped at the time that somehow the scream would reach through something, would cut through what I had not defined, and remained from my past, as a memory of some entity larger than myself, in front of me, that I could not name.

Sound and words and math. It is all the same, words are measure, they are sound, they are an ordered breath. A scream is a unstructured sound, one of pure frustration and fear. It is not being able to accept what is here, and yet not having the structural means to find a way out of the smoke and mirrors show that is a kind of  hued man in separation from being grounded in the real measure of physical reality.

Now, comes the definition of the word ‘ star’ and I realize that just as I reacted to my parents as something scary, as something larger than myself, so are the ‘ stars’ of the media presented through a ubiquitous presence on a screen, in lights, and larger than life, on movie screens, always bigger than a real human. One focused on a picture in a box, where the lack of peripheral view created a space where that person became larger than physical reality, a context out of whack with real living.

Visual imagery composed of lights, like a ghost. This ghost on reality through the mechanism of lights in boxes and screens, that narrowed the focus and imprinted values, creating neurological pathways that held stories  ( storied/structured/layered intel) completely out of measure with practical reality.

If I return myself to the ground, and I were in a crowd of say 10,000 people, and someone stood on a soap box without the artistry of lights and micro phones to make-larger-than-life a person, how many people could actually be reached?  How could one really be a ‘ star’ in the modern sense?  If one looked around one, the real fabric would be others, the same as myself. Hence the whole idea of a person being a star, a larger than life entity, is an illusion of artifice.

Even in the story telling of pre-tech times, the values of developed people were made larger than life through story, repeated again and again. Entertainment that divided one from being practical and from remembering how things are built through practice and development, through walking the measure yet using the same means! I mean,  telling a story is walking a measure, it is in the end all the same. It is a math, one that the one’s-who-play-god use to control. A control that is a math that we accept and allow unless we begin to use that natural ability to accept one order of a math, and start using that ability to assess and investigate everything that is placed before us; the media, what information is sent through our schools, the values absorbed from our parents, the traditions followed that began from a practice developed over time in a more agricultural time. We have forgotten the math that built what and who we are, we have forgotten to see the math that is here, within each, and without as the measure of all things, to see what does no harm and what takes that which is good.

This is why, all research makes it clear that the more we read, the more we begin to see the patterns and realize that math, and begin to process what is the false math, done through limitation, a lie-by-omission, a not-the-whole-story, memorized- me memorialized!. When we move into the world and we run into mis-takes, we want to move into blame instead of correcting ourselves.  Blame is actually harder to be, than sorting things out. The ghost in the machine appears to be real. 

And so, our greatest strength becomes our greatest weakness. We become an imperfect measure, and we blame anything that does not fit into that measure. We are separated from the real richness of life as the physical. Yet, this ability to assess, to sense space and time, the fabric of the physical and the unequal measure sounded is the real capacity of what informs our greatest weakness.

We have as each accepted a math that in inferior to life. We are here, to make the choice to accept life or dissipate as easily as that projected light image. That image is believed to be more than life. It is called a personality. It is when you say something like “ I am more than her”or when you believe that your friend is less than you. It is when you believe that you must compete with your neighbor. It is when you look down on another human being, or animal, or politician. It is when you pay those taxes that are you paying homage to a false god, because you have allowed a system where someone that moves digits and numbers around on paper is more than a farmer. It is when you do not investigate the real math. It is when you do not realize that vaccines have never worked, from the beginning. It is when you don’t realize that our schools by design are not meant to teach you to be your real potential. It is when a parent places a child in front of a television, having forgotten who they are, because the seeds of information as taken in by the physical by the previous generation, seed the form of the tree that is to come. Each subsequent generation assaulted without and within by information that is by nature meant to distract you from who you really are. Yet, it is accepted and allowed, absorbed within and without.  A seed that cannot be thrown away, as there is a baby within that body of water/information. It can only be transformed back into focusing on what is real, the physical, seeing directly the separation and what is real. Our children are our greatest assets and yet they are the poorest amongst us!

A real star is a body in equilibrium with life. A  real star is cognizant of the math of life, of the very fabric ‘s composition. It is built of cells, joining together. A star is built of hydrogen and helium. These are cells, joined together. This is the real math,  not a grid line.  After all, hydro is water, and ‘ gen’ is information. Hence stars are the same as us, water in formation.  After all we are 70% water. We are coupled with oxygen as how the cells exist on earth. So ask yourself what you are resonating today, is it that which considers all things, taking that which is good and does no harm?  Are you in respect of the physical?

In order for me to really see the stars that are a part of the fabric of this world that is an information of cells and atoms, that is also me, as the same stuff, I must use my greatest strength to focus on the richness of this life that is physical in expression, as this is what is real.

Day 507 The ghost in the machine is the ghost on the machine

What is a ghost as a thought but an abstract picture as an idea of our world, this physical concrete world. We can meditate but when we open our eyes, this form as this physical earth remains. 

As mind consciousness systems, we are a machine of ghosts as abstract thoughts that are about our experience here on this physical earth.  We as this, have allowed the abstract picture as mind to become more real than formation of substance into actual form as the physical world.  And as this, we have separated from the very fabric of physical manifestation.  And this world is very mechanistic, as this is how creation works. The magic is in the doing. 

THe mind can show us how much we have allowed ghosts in the machine to determine perception. Have you ever thought about something, been nervous about it, gone and lived the expected experience, and the nervousness BEFORE conceived did not come up in the actual concrete/physical experience? And then you wondered WHY you had any fear to begin with? The “ how” of this preconceived fear was the IDEA about the experience to come - and it was based on a thought that was an abstract interpretation of reality.

The converse of this, is to go into an expected event, feel prepared based on one’s abstract - collection of thoughts as ideas, and have the experience be totally “ other” than expected. As this event happens one becomes very nervous, because what is happening as “ doing” is other than the ghost in the machine as thoughts as ideas as accumulations of knowledge and information, expected. Here, where one may have walked to an event with confidence, suddenly things seem chaotic, putting one off balance. And here, the ghost in the machine as a construct of beliefs, as thoughts, as pieces of perspective,  as pictures of the “ how” of here are not equal to what actually happens. Which means one is not equal to here. Which means one is not equal in understanding how the mind in fact functions. Which means one is equal to the ghost in the machine, a limitation, instead of actual practical concrete, reality.

 So, in many instances, one goes back to the drawing board of one’s abstract and ventures forth again. This, a practice of building understanding of the physical world.  But the problem here, is the race to build an abstract of sense, which is not motivated by realizing that the only choice is to become equal to the physical , with every breath. 

Because our government is obviously NOT a form, at present, that is taking care of this world, it is a “ ghost ON the machine” of the physical that is not EQUAL to practical physical reality. Our government is a manifestation of the ghost IN the machine in each human. It simply manifests the limitations within each of us, in our inequality to the mechanism of life, as the physical.

We can try and pass laws that allow proportion to the whole, as this allowing a voice and determination within the economy of the ecology, but if the individual perspectives as the human are not realizing self as having an abstract/picture as mind as a collection of thoughts as being a ghost in the machine and not physical reality, then the outcome is more distortion that is attempted to be equalized without addressing the starting point as the individual parts of the collective.  

                                  Quantum Mind  Eqafe.com