a widows journey to life: giving

I met a person yesterday that had a profession that I immediately responded to with information I had about a character in a book of the same profession. I reacted to them, as though they had the potential of this character in this story.

Socially, their profession is low down on the scale of good jobs and less ‘ good’ jobs. Yet, as in the story I compared them to, the possibility of having the same openness and character as the character in the story motivated me to speak with them in a calm way.

This morning I woke up, heavy from the day before, and said to myself “ What is love?” The two things coming up in my previous day and myself bringing them forward in the morning of the next day, where I am at present.

When I played the violin, and I learned something new, it would take time, or, it would not. By this I mean, when I understood something, as in how to do something, the change into the new way could be incorporated very very fast. It is like saying that when something is ‘ pure’ and ‘ clean’ within one’s understanding as one's focus, one can find this again, employ the change without effort, and see the effects in movement within using the new understanding/measure. It is like entering a new space, and in that new space, movement is much easier and much faster - this being inside one’s self. Yet, this cannot be only automated, presence must exist, like expanding awareness more than just doing something over and over again. And, the practice of ' practice' is about becoming aware.

Have I defined ‘ love’ here? Is love that direction that can come with such ease, one wonders why it was not always, all ways used? Would such awareness be what love is?

And, in relation to my reaction/response to a person who had the profession of a character in a story, am I moving as hope, and desire, in tandem with an idea, instead of being love, here? One is moving as knowledge and information, and the other is looking at space and time, here? One hangs onto something and the other looks in more detail, or presence, here? I ask myself. So, I came to the point of asking what is love, and what is being in the present system that functions on knowledge and information and/or moves as what creates an ease of movement that is so strong it cannot be forgotten. Yet using that action outside of the context within where it was noticed, in itself takes an effort! I ask here, is this an example of how stagnant moving as knowledge and information can be, in relation to moving in the present, using one’s common sense?

One is based on idealogical measure, and one is applying an ease that opens up insight to the forms of here as the physical. In word play by the very slow measure an order of words can convey when knowledge and information only, what is here, as in being brought forward becomes something that as limited knowledge, by design, I find, often repeats itself. (Like being in SLOW MOTION!) . Like, if I say this enough it will be real! When it cannot be real as knowledge and information because it is an idea about something! Yet, because of the system of knowledge and information being so huge, being placed before one’s common sense, must I use the game of association to direct me, as this is what this is? Can this giant ' slow mo" be brought back down to the measure of physical reality? And, is this not what our media is doing? No problems ever really solved?!

To stop myself from getting caught in a tail spin as my mind consciousness, I just stopped and asked myself, ‘ What is love?’ Can I breath, become calm, and then what? Is this where I define ‘ love’? Can I turn this word into my crutch to direct me here? lol And here I go into thinking again!

I , at this point, would say that love is always giving directions that allow an ease of movement. An ease of movement means directing one’s self in ways that are grounded. Not fearing to be here, realizing that I am life information, which would be a form, hence the physical- composed of cells, the building blocks of sound, a stable, constant sound. Nothingness into expression, into form. Where else would such come from? To move in ways that are grounded, one is aware of the present space, and has little fear, as there is no need for fear, because one is so focused that what is done is seen, and/or retained. This is being love, having no fear that the greater awareness is a threat to one’s self in any way, as this is what one would want for one’s self. A ‘ greater awareness’ is being present here, substantiating the physical and its expression in ways that do no harm. What if we substantiated all children within this? That would be an amazing thing, as I see it from my limited mind consciousness! What if we substantiated the physical world, became present as it? What if we respected this form around us?

This is why life on this earth, for it to exist, the only solution is to give as one would receive, because having all of us move as we would want for ourselves, means giving all the space and time to see directly here, the physical world with ease. Directing as an idea, based on traditional roles, read in a book ( not a bad) ONLY, is heavy and slow, because pictures as the mind, is an after thought built from what is real, as the physical creation that is life expression!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct within motivation, as an idea, based on knowledge and information gathered from a story.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an association based on knowledge and information as a mind consciousness system only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how I can so easily, through habit, as what I have accepted and allowed to define me as information, polarized into goods and bads, ‘ opportunity and limitation” based on stories in and as my own accepted and allowed mind consciousness system of knowledge and information that I have allowed to become greater than the life around me as the physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how I can become lost in my own habit, directing myself as this, as this is what I have practiced, instead of being grounded here, in practical reality, as what works in practice as a physical state, considers the physical, and gives me the ability to move in common sense, where I need not hide, as being here, as a physical being, need not hide, as this is life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to move as love, where love is, as a verb, is similar to live, and living is physical thus, to focus here and direct here, as in being here, as an expression, and thus a verb, an action, so I focus here, to consider all things, to move within the principle of being a living word, which is to be equal to life, and to respect the life around me as I would want to be respected, as this is the principle of equality, to give as I would receive, to do no harm, to take that which is good, to realize what gives a constant directiveness that can withstand the test of time, to build a world that is heaven on earth, here, as we were told, the solution.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move as my imagination, my mind construction based on values, ideas, beliefs and opinions, from knowledge and information that has had but forced application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not love myself, to reprimand myself , like punishing the points of entity formations as ideas as knowledge and information instead of taking that which is good, and forgiving the overall imagination directions and placing them into actual practical living here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear moving into the small practical details , for fear of explaining myself and for fear of being rejected, as the measure of common sense can move against a mind consciousness knowledge and information without presence in reality as the physical consideration and respect that is life creation in expression, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become all a tempo as mind consciousness, instead of all a tempo with the practice of living in the presence of physical reality, here, in a life of volume equal and one with creation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that moving into the small, as the detail of living and changing from knowledge and information means that something will be lost and failure will happen, when it is that moving into the small, is being present here, as the mind consciousness moves as set bodies of knowledge and information, serving self interest instead of living/loving here, this physical world, this world that is life in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that moving into the small, as in being present here, not using only knowledge and information, cross referencing reality as the physical, will mean that something is lost, an illusion, as what is lost, or reformed is myself in love with life here, being considerate of the physical as life in FORMation.

When and as I find myself moving as idea, opinion and belief, as information in and as my mind, I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, and I ground myself here, to see directly here, to become an expression of the insight of actual living here, to become love, in thought word and deed here.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, and/or, fishing/phishing for information as information only, as ideas, beliefs, opinions , in and as my mind, I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, to become love, as in respect of physical space and time, which is only HERE, and I speak as that which grounds here, as this is what directs here, as this is what focuses here, and as such, becomes an association to life, to what loves here, which is to love myself and all that is me, the same, as the physical.

When and as I find pressure within and as me, as a pressure around my torso, around my shoulders, in my solar plexus, in my knees, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I forgive the judgements of value based on limited mind consciousness, as a morality that is of survival in fear of being self responsible as life here, that which is the opposite of the weight of fear, that which moves with joy and ease, as I see it here at the moment from my habit of being a mind consciousness, and I forgive, and ground myself here, to begin the practice of being in tempo with life, as respecting the physical world that is life in form, in expression, around me, to begin to align myself to the tempo of life, to become love, to Live Of theVolume of the Expression of the sound of life as the physical world that is me, here.

When and as I find myself reacting to the measure before me, I stop, I slow way down, I breath, I give as I would receive, I use patience, presence, to sense the form here, the me-lody as a mind consciousness and the grounding that is the physical, to stabilize myself here, in respect of the physical world, and I walk being present here, realizing thinking is the measure of my own constructed, accepted and allowed, mind consciousness that shows the tempo of my own accepted and allowed separation from respecting the life around me as the physical world, here.

When and as I find myself weighted with energy, in comparison, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I forgive the mind consciousness belief measure, the inferiority and superiority values as the mind justifications , as the tempo of fear, and I ground myself, taking the time to realize my self accepted separation to life, my habit, practiced through imitation of a morality system of values, and instead I take that which is good and does no harm, as that which considers all things, as that which respects all life, as this physical world, to practice the gift of life, as the ease of being here, as life in expression as the physical which by nature would what transforms in ways that do no harm, and shares understanding in thought, word and deed, as the measure of here and all that is of that which substantiates form as the physical around me and as me, here.

I feel like I am trying to stand back and see what I am as every single movement that I dress myself as. In a way I think I have been trying to do this since the death of my husband, when everyone around me was telling me what i should do, and/or why what happened happened, where none of it fit the “crime” so to speak. None of it explained anything. Nothing.
So within this unworthy character, I am trying to walk what I do as I interact with others.
Why do I fold my arms over my chest and take on a mask of “ no emotion” which belies emotion?
Where everything tightens, the back, the face; the back a resistance to giving of self, the face embarrassment for hiding.
All of this reliving experience as knowledge and information instead of looking at what is actually here as the very fabric of this physical existence. In a way, our whole physical selves are like the bats, we can sense this totality as existence, we have simply not been taught to utilize this. So I must breath and look and give in and as myself as life, and not the storm ofthoughts, ideas and opinions , in and as my mind. My physical constrictions represent my mind limitations as thoughts, which are judgements, which are protection and defense in fear of loss, which is an admission of myself not using common sense as what I am as life, one and equal to what is here. Like the sound of the word, a “ sphere,” a bubble separate and thus in lack of, common sense of what is physically actually real here. I am the wave and the particle, yet I am de-serving the wave through a belief in deserving and thus denying what I am. Within this i create a happy face on my actions to justify my de-serving as ‘ ignorance of life.’
So, if I have the thought that something is impossible I am my mind, as my mind will only see the limited constraints of a system that is a constraint - human created- that is the play outof a fear/ sphere of loss of common sense, this fear of loss a separation from life, and this capitalistic system is a separation from life, so evident in that it is not supporting life, it has become but a game of protection and defense for resources, a cry of a belief in deserving more and less ideologies, a form of shuffling resources around in conquest instead of in SHARING and GIVING and valuing life. This mono-culture of mono-poling need not exist and it is ridiculous- it is a ridicule of life- thus it is the opposite of life, in opposition of lfie.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide myself through folding my arms across my chest and wearing a mask of no emotion when and as I face another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to be and become this I am in effect creating what I reap, I am withholdingcommunication and thus creating lack of communication with and as what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being myself here, in and as fearing that something will be lost, like honor, or personification in and as beliefs as ideas and opinions about what I am, based on my past, as my perception of myself within the limited values of a system of inequality, instead of being here and looking at what is actually here that values life, here.

http://desteni.org

I commit myself to breathing, to seeing realizing and understanding that which I fear as realizing the very actions I exist as and in as my human physical body, to see, realize and understand how and with what, as thoughts , emotions and feelings, supporting ideas, opinions and beliefs, as back chat and imaginations in and as my mind, as memories, all of which is a knowledge and information based on judgements taught by those who came before me as this is what they were through generations of such to the extent that an outward manifestation of the present system is one and the same in form and structure, to within all this begin to see realize and understand this quantum mind structure of separation, to realign my own accepted and allowed protection and defense/judgement outflows that inhibit myself as life here.
I commit myself to realizing that I must breath and realize how my self within fear, as judgements, is what separates me from myself as life, where I in essence fear being myself as life here.
I commit myself to breathing and to no longer allow myself to respond as the fear of being unworthy, realizing that this is myself in fear of speaking in common sense, where I see no place to go within the knowledge and information as the mind and thus shut down, which is not a solution, as I must breath, and sense what I have accepted and allowed as the behaviors I exhibit, and forgive these to see realize and understand the common sense of life as oneness and equality as this is what is real and what is the substance of what is here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that this inner voice of ‘this post not being clear enough” is myself in self judgement, where I see, realize and understand that I want a quick fix as solution, without having walked the detail of my quantum mind as the thoughts, imaginations, back chat, reactions, physical reactions and memories as the collection of limited values as the informing mechanism that I have accepted and allowed as a definition of what i am in separation from life, here.