Day 474 The chaos of inequality: An inchoate Life. STOP.

I think it was about 2000, the spring of 2000. I noticed that every leaf on a tree was moving with absolute purpose. every leaf, every inch of every leaf, absolute purpose, absolute focus. So directed. Sensing every leaf on that tree definitely boggled my mind. The moment before this happened, I had decided that I had to give everything up, everything. At that moment it was as though everything left me, all that I used to define myself. And then what came was the realization that nothing I thought mattered, mattered. 

Looking back at my life, I realized that I had done this before, and always there was a point of a certain measure of clarity. The first time I remember this happening, shortly there after the first vortex like tunnel appeared. What I saw was myself at the other end of the tunnel, I was in winter, and on the other side was summer, and I was the grown woman in the summer land. I was twelve and in the summer land I was in my early twenties attending the college on which ground I stood. Of course, I had to live to that age and beyond, to when it happened again to begin to realize what was happening.

Focus, here. What is this for real? What does it mean to focus here absolutely? How, inwardly does one focus here? Does television impart the development of focus here? No. It grabs the focus of us. It can make parts of reality bigger, brighter than other parts, it can show only parts of and even edit out what is not wanted to be focused upon. Is the motivation behind this one of self interested profit? Thus, is this everywhere, a legerdemain, to take one’s eyes off the land. Dis-traction from that which is real, because then in a moment one might notice that all the leaves on a tree move in absolute purpose. And then the television will no longer have any real value. The land becomes the value, the earth becomes more real than any box of colored / divided lights.

My chest is in a knot. I could not move it. I felt very weak. I had to go into it, to find what was weighing me down.  At the same time that it feels like it has pressure on it, it feels like it wants to explode. And it is not my heart, I can’t pin point it yet. I had to get it to move - so to speak. I had to be able to focus on it for an extended period of time, to catch some movement, some way to move it. There was a moment of the slightest movement. It was fluid, a tiny movement that I felt was being absolutely forgiving. makes sense as this is movement, the only kind, movement happens in no other way, just as the leaves on the tree. There is no other way to move, otherwise it is destructive.

How is this same action manifest without, and within this, an accumulation of this over time?

Our American Congress can’t solve the problems of growing poverty and decay in America because they are not being absolutely forgiving, within the purpose of the constitution, which is to do what is for the common good, as this is the only choice. Our representatives can’t figure out a way to do what is for the good of the land and maintain their “ more than” profits because the only solution is equality. We have to give up usury. It is that simple.

So, I had a knot in my back, I had to go into this to realize the movement of myself within that I had accepted and allowed, name it and direct it. I wrote it out and scripted directives as words as structures to direct myself within focusing myself away from a bad habit as a belief into what moved. 

Now I have to do this again. 

Playing the violin is cool, because it demands focus, here. Focus through social politics, through inner emotional states, one has to learn to let things go and focus, here. It means standing within an absolute purpose of what is forgiving in a physical world that exists because each part makes it possible. Thus, usury is not an equation of life because usury uses limitation of some for the gain of others and justifies this within touting what is the exception as being a more than in comparison to the limitations such actions create.  A snake eating its own tale/tail. Ironically, in the end neither wins. The only win-win is equality, it is through balance as the physical world in full function that life can begin. The real story is the physical, not the layered self definitions as values in a limited story competing for self definition creating the self aggrandizement that is the act that separates into the chaos of inequality.

This morning I thought someone had arrived at my house, and immediately there was like an electrical branding on my chest, the picture was like one of those new bar codes, like a Mayan image of pixillated squares aligned in a pattern, and with this an entity presence as the story given as told by this person, a compound image perceived through my own cultural bias lens. Its story was of the good, the values, as having some significance, the limitations not expressed and this because common sense is not taught, only fairy tales that bear no witness to the actual real physical landscape on whose ground our feet walk as physical beings. We, us humans, are in separation from what is real, from the physical world, we are in separation from life.

When this fear ripped through me, I realized it was as though I was a child again, fearing to face what registered in my mind as an idea, that facing the adults in my world was like facing monsters. I am trying to face the emotional values, the feeling values as the conscious mind projecting the good to self validate, and ignoring the consequences of the effects of accepting this lesser god on what is real, which is the physical world, the very substance of life.

I was allowing the story, the projections of good, running from common sense, to be a burden I do not want to face. I have to remind myself that I was a child as all of this was informed as how a human directs to become a part of a social network made bigger than the physical network as the land that is what is real. Actually, the social network of ideological values is limited, though once intrenched in this, one stands in a forest of artific-ial electric screens that exist only in constant broadcast, the real forest working away underneath - the life of which is slowly diminishing as a consequence and we need only read the news to realize that this is happening, and here, I must say that the artifice -ial value system is slowly but surely consuming the gift of life as the physical.

I notice a fear within me, a sense of being unworthy, the shame there somewhere, a condition of politeness in not upsetting the status quo of limitation as a social network of men endlessly telling their stories of gain within what is in total a limited system.

And the thing is, is that we all know we are doing this. Just as I had the thought that I do not want to face this, so too do others. The simplified images spinning around in our minds are  so because as our separation compounds, memory is saved in a simpler image, the values accumulated that seem to justify the separation. As we can see, laws are being passed that make no sense of reality. They ignore what is abusive and accept what satisfies and justifies what is a form of spiritual usury, where each point on a grid as a social network in total is in separation from reality believes its ideological self to be real, despite the harm of this inner constitution of ignorance - is our Congress the outward manifestation of the inner state?

I mean, adults having sex with children who are physically not equal in size is abusive to children as physical beings.

People putting solar panels on their homes are not welfare babies. If they are then so are the elite, so are all of us. This is in effect believing the usurious system is what is real when the physical is what is real, and the physical world should function without any harm to anything physical on the ground at every point. 

If we pump chemicals into the ground we will pollute the ground water, saying there is no scientific proof in a system that hides data and ignores/disallows physical on the ground studies or labels them as " anecdotal" and at the same time inhibits the economic means to sustain ourselves physically and face those who have endless financial means, then the picture show on the media controls will just become an endless spin of justification, with no counteraction available, which means  that the collective of men must stand together to end this because the humans on the ground working together is the power, has more movement capacity that any picture on a screen.

Investigate this.

I have to tell myself this same thing within, that the emotional feelings values as the projection of idea has no real strength, and walking the separations, not accepting them as in hiding from them,  or fearing them, or reacting to them in anger is going to equalize them to what is real, to what is substantive. The dirt is the mind consciousness system, the dirt is the valley of the shadow of good and evil as death, the dirt is judgement, the dirt is the mind, and life is the soil, the earth and the substance which builds this as the sound of life, the movement of absolute purpose as a focus that does no harm that gives as one would like to receive, as that which respects all life, the physical world. 

We don't need modern art galleries, we all have one in our heads, just stop and breath and have a look.

It is the compound of your self, built of ideas that are judgements as belief, being used to direct and as such are yourself out of focus, a dis- traction from physical reality, the gift of life, here.

Day 458 Politeness

Politeness, what is politeness? Is it polite to cater to another’s uncertainty? Is it polite to stop and respect another’s position even when within that position a person’s supposed authority is limited even when asked to describe practice in detail, and this is incapable of being done, and there is even reaction within this as the person realizes they cannot describe in detail what they do, and thus must admit that they are not really aware of what they are doing, and thus have to admit that they really do not have any real “ authorship” - so to speak.  So, here politeness, as being clear within what is best for all, as in what enables a clear understanding which means having a directive capacity that gives all of here as the physical the ability to move with stability. Thus, real politeness of what gives stability which is the ability to move in ways that are supportive and clearly understood. And this, overall means  that there is no singular point of authority. This is what is really polite. A policy of “ liteness” as in having clear direction, as in being unburdened of uncertainty, which means seeing here in a self directive way.

Interesting that we are taught that there is a “ light” out there to follow, to find, to seek, when it is the opposite, as the real value is the “ lite” of enjoyment in being self directive without burden or “ weight” as self, within self being directive here in the physical world. No one but self can direct self as this. And our pyramid scheme, our hierarchy allowed on this earth is the burden of separation from being self, equal and one to physical existence, moving in ways that support self and the physical, which is to be here, and to direct the movement of what is here in ways that are best for all. Which is why there is not choice but to create a Living Income Guarantee as this will stabilize each person to be able to direct themselves, to stop and to take a breath, and to begin to work with physical reality in common sense.

On another front, this problem of being polite to a construct that does not consider that we live on a physical planet that functions in visibly understandable ways; whether it be visible consequences, as we see in our vaccine programs, or the amount of pollution our practices create that are often hidden because the differences to the environment that one practice makes is small, and then another inconsiderate practice creates another negative impact that is negligible, so on paper each part says that their practice had no significant impact, and yet the collective of practice accumulates to create a significant impact, but no part is willing to realize its impact in total, because its profits are what is allowed as money to determine who remains on the table and who falls off the table, so each faction hides in being responsible, because the secondary point of money, as the resources are without consideration extracted from the earth and not seen for the real sustenance that they are, as money is the accepted determiner of life. This in total a real disconnect from reality. We have become polite to this construct of imposed value, of impulsed value instead of to the actual resource that has a physical value, that breeds a physical consequence when not used in polite sustainable respectful ways. So the problem is where we shed light as what policies we allow to determine how things on this physical planet move/express. The problem is that we are not allowing a pole/policy that is a balance that allows the physical to move at ease, to be the liteness of ease of movement as physical beings on a physical world.

The solution then, is to only choose that which is best for all, that which stabilizes this physical world, that which enables all life to move with ease, meaning without constriction. If our waters are polluted then what sustains life as water, cannot move with the ease that is the nature of water that is clear and clean, unburdened by built up impediments from reckless extraction practice in the name of a polity in service to men believing the are dominant and within this dominant belief, a repetition of this belief layering again as this dominance creates an order of more dominance within itself, which creates perpetual judgement and division within each point building a separation from what is real, which is the physical world. Thus, the solution is the gift of the physical, to become polite to what is what is best for all. Politeness is standing as what gives each the ability to be self directive as self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that before anything I must be polite to the order of the person with whom I speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i must be polite.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to be polite

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am good when I am polite, not stopping and looking at what i am within and as what i chose to be polite to and towards.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect politeness to making another person happy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define politeness within making another person happy and as such believe that this is what makes myself happy and a good person.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that politeness exists within what does not upset what is impolite to and towards what is best for all, as what is best for all is what is best for self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use politeness as a form of protection and defense in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that understanding how the mind works, as in memories of what is bad and what is good, within a limited belief system that does not include the actual physical world and that is built within a system of inequality where limited values are the construct of survival which in total is in separation from considering all physical like as being interconnected and thus parts of what sustains life as earth, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear push back as reaction as a fear of loss as an idea that is based on a limited perspective of what actually physically composes reality as this earth, as this gift that sustains life that functions in interconnected ways where parts complete the whole of life as an expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered impolite.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as an idea that being impolite, as in not being polite is a threat to myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place the focus of myself into an idea of what it means to be polite.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered as being impolite.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is impolite to speak unless spoken to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is impolite to be contrary to another’s words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is such a thing as being contrary to another’s words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from another’s words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am separate from another’s words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that first and foremost I am responsible to be polite to another’s words, instead of looking at the form as the sound as the words and relating such words to the principle of what is best for all, as this is being polite to and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that changing myself within and as directing myself against the storm of being polite to limitations of belief, where belief of another as the construct of their words is what is taught as how one is polite and within this to respect the belief touted and to then take this and direct this within and as what is best for all as what allows another to self direct with ease here, this being as what is clear within and as what supports self as life, to see here as the physical being equal and one as what supports life as life a focus of life that is here as what visibly sustains absolutely.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being reprimanded as the voice of separation within limitation holding onto its limitation in and as a belief that this is what is supportive and to not see, realize and understand that this is a voice of seeking as a habit of an idea being supportive, an endgame instead of realizing that it is the physical world here that is the support in and as and of life where words are constructs of sound, mutable, and thus able to move into what is directive, into what ensures an absolute focus of here as what causes no harm, as what enables each person as a point on earth to become self directed in common sense as a starting point of awareness of self as a physical being on a physical planet, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing something should I not be polite towards the belief’s of another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the burden of my own beliefs, being my own counter rhythm in discord from common sense of each breath, of each movement here as myself slowing down to sense here in detail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must be a social sponge where I am a walking mirage to follow the order of politeness to protect and defend myself from hurt as the bully of self interest, which is myself accepting and allowing my own self interest in and as an idea of a fear of loss.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from the principle of what is best for all is best for self, where what is best for self is not a politeness to the good and the bad, as agreement to injustice as an end game without solution but to take this and to stand as what supports all within and as stability here as physical beings on an interconnected planet, that works in practical functional ways when supported with the basic needs of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being polite to what directs within causing no harm, as in stabilizing the good and the bad, bring this back into and as self as in finding solutions that stabilize the physical world into and as what functions in support of life absolutely.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being impolite as in being a fear of loss, as a fear of potential hurt, and as this, to not see, realize and understand that slowing down and breathing, and being self honest with humility, as in not allowing righteousness, within directing within what gives direction within and as what causes no harm, as what considers all life as being the value, beginning in each moment, here, and thus all life becoming and being at ease, this being equal and one with physical existence as this is the starting point.

Day 444 Indolent imagination

I looked at the word ”indolent” today, and when I looked passed the present meaning to the latin root it hit a chord in me, one of fear, meaning where I to not pull myself together and stand. "In" means “not” and “dolere”  means “ suffer or give pain” So, to be idle is the choice to not “ suffer or give pain.” 

In a system of inequality, as what presently exists, with resource value transferred to money and then handed out based on values that ignore physical reality, a crime against life, especially in a system of growing automation and a physical world of freely given resources that have been developed by many many generations of men, and that same system that has practices that are barbaric in no longer being known to be supportive or sustainable, that have become an elephant in the room that no one dares stand against because in myopic self interest and the indolence of entertainment as television and media all any human point can think of is fearing to lose their money, their paycheck. Even when the practices used are not what is best, that paycheck is more important than the practice. When it must be realized that the way money is used must change, it is not money that is evil, it is how money moves that is evil. I mean, I looked at coal extraction from federal lands, the royalties are a difference of millions to billions in terms of what the sales are of coal, and, by the way, the coal extraction in 2012 jumped a lot. Interesting that we have coal, we allow private companies to sell it abroad and the amount in royalty is minuscule in comparison to sales. Oh, but we are pushing tar sane extraction and pipes that spill. This all seems that the resources of our land are for the profit of a few, even when they are supposedly “ federal lands.” Looks like Congress is being paid in all manner of ways not only despite shut downs, but also despite those unable to feed themselves properly because the minimum wage is not a living wage. Congress is doing business as usual, but then so are we if we prefer paychecks before standing up and changing the system. Are we no different. Would you take advantage of indolent people if you could, for money? You would. The problem is that there are children in this country that lack in so many ways and this is unacceptable.

The CON-sequences we are allowing collectively are going to come home to us, Then it will be too late to do something. The drones will be overhead. I mean, they are to protect those who live in “ white houses” big ones. You are the competition. Collectively, we have to wake up. In this system of not wanting to “ hurt someone’s feelings” we are causing suffering. Feelings are where we are idle. 

Myself, I realize I am the same, I don’t want to face speaking up about how the mind works. I want to be nice about it. There really is no “ nice” about it, a cup is a cup. Being straight about something is being focused, looking at physical consequence. It is like facing someone who is hiding, and has hidden their head in the sand for a very long time, so much so that a real tangible form is unbearable in its intensity compared to the substance-less pictures of the mind. I mean, is this not the problem with porn for eample. The pictures ignite the body chemistry, so when real physical intimacy happens it is a let down because it is not that addicted to"quick fix". Unfortunately, that chemical dopamine fix is not self living in full potential. I guess Congress has you right where they want you. Congress is like a collection of spiders weaving a web, and we are all caught in its net.

Back to myself, again.

When I am in front of a person actually talking, I begin to move and use common sense. But, when I THINK about doing this, I falter, I become idle, indolent. I imagine causing upset. Then I begin to look like that ostrich with my head in the sand.

Self forgiveness thought.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am going to cause harm if I stand up and be direct about how the mind works.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear upsetting another's feelings and emotions, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I might upset someone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have a thought that I might upset another, I am existing in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that having another look outside of the mind into realizing how the mind functions is going to " hurt" them and make them suffer, when all that is going to suffer is the state of ignorance accepted and allowed,  and that, within this, the physical is able to be understood so all one need do is speak up in common sense of what physically exists here on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe  as an idea in and as my mind that in speaking and communicating about the actual physical world can cause harm to another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in the moment that when I get this heavy feeling surrounding my head and shoulders that I am becoming a protection and defense in fear of upsetting another instead of remaining in and as breath and using myself common sense, which means  remaining within the script of physical reality.

When and as I find myself going into a thought that i am going to cause harm within saying a " cup is a cup" I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I place myself here.

When and as I have the thought that I am going to cause harm should i speak up about the physical world, in common sense of form and function, I stop and I breath, and I do not allow myself to imagine a future as this is what this is doing in fact, based on past experiences where I have judged myself to have failed because in facing feelings and speaking up, the horse taken to the water did not want to drink, And within this I blamed myself, which is myself as blame in separation from common sense.

When and as I become the thought of causing harm, based on an idea of politeness before naming a thing for what it is, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that even had I not been clear, I can always breath, slow down look at what i have said and forgive any and all indolence in standing up in common sense of a physical world that functions in practical ways able to be understood as life would give understanding absolutely, otherwise life could not exist.