Day 456 Protection and defense in the face of self validation

I had a reaction to a person this weekend and I realize that I was fearing a loss, as in believing myself to be inferior. As such I could only manage my ire instead of directing within a solution, where I took that which is good and directed it in such a way that supported everyone in the situation. So, in looking at the presentation that I reacted to, how could I  accept the self validation before me and walk it into what would be a structure of support? How could I create a situation that allowed interaction, that allowed interactive relationships that were a win-win for all parties involved? Thus, to direct instead of react? To “ play,” to build instead of fear? For this, the solution was to move as what is best for all, as has been said, if one uses the principle of what is best for all, then the way is clear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being seen as inferior.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react when another states what they are, not seeing realizing and understanding that i can accept what another is and take this into what would be what is best for all, thus not denying what is here, but accepting it and moving it into a part of a scenario as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to compare myself to a statement as a validation as a belief being voiced of what someone is and does, and within this to accept this and place this into a scenario that functions, to the best of my ability, as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself, within this reaction, to not see realize and understand that in accepting a statement as an absolute, an end game, I react in anger because I am allowing myself to become a belief that I am less than the statement, less than the label, and as this am lost in comparison without looking at how this position touted is myself in another life, an expression as a part of the whole, where I am another part of that whole, a whole that can function  as a system that moves in support of all the parts involved and thus within the principle of what is best for all, can be directed into a structure that moves as what builds a community that is a win-win for all involved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I react, I am existing within inferiority, and as such constrict within and as my physical body, which is myself in comparison based on ideas of win and lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become spiteful in and as my mind, to not see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become inferior I begin to compare and then to select in self interest what is a belief as a “ good” about myself, and a belief as a “ bad” about another, which is a protection and defense of my own lack of looking, my own lack of self responsibility as life, this being the absolute purpose of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how within and as becoming an act of comparison to another I become diffident as in silent in some situations and as such physically allow a sense of hopelessness as a perceived " hurt" and physically become a sinking in and as my chest area, and at other times I have an irritability rise up within me in and as an energetic movement of protection and defense and move in word thought and deed to offend that which I am allowing myself to become inferior to and or believe threatens a belief of myself as being superior, and as this energetic movement within I stop and I breath and I give up this self definition to realize the principle of what is best for all and I direct within and as that which causes no harm, as that which takes what is good and realize the solution towards what is best for all as this is what is best for self, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take a statement of belief as what someone says they are, as something superior to myself, to see superiority as a spite directed to and towards myself, to which I become a retort as spite, in protection and defense where in reality I am only defending and protecting myself own sense of inferiority instead of realizing I am here  and that a belief in one thing being more than another is a separation from myself accepting and allowing myself as life, as ideas of more than and less than only exist if I accept and allow them.

 When and as I find myself reacting to another’s self validation I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, as in what would a situation that creates a win-win scenario as all the parts of myself as life that is me without and within.

When and as I find myself as a reaction I see, realize and understand that I am defining myself as inferior or superior, connecting myself to being less than or more than, fearing a loss and or wanting to hold onto a perceived gain, and as such I do not allow myself to become indolent, I slow myself down and I breath, and I direct within taking that which is good and apply the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self, as another as life, is what is best for myself as this is realizing equality and oneness in and as life here.

When and as I find myself reacting in separation from myself as life in and as judgement as end game as  a label of less than as a belief of a fear of loss, I stop and I breath and I no longer allow myself to disrespect life, and I slow down and employ the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self is that which is a win-win situation.

Day 447 Indolence Cont. Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application.

Cont.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what i have accepted and allowed as limitation of insight into practical physical reality has accumulated within and thus, as I begin to look at my own accepted and allowed limited and as such, stagnant ideas, beliefs and opinions that are of comparison which is myself moving as directives of good and bad instead of practical common sense, I must change and direct myself based on a principle of what is best for all and this process will deconstruct my separation and as such be a process where I will have to deconstruct my self accepted and allowed character which will at times feel like I am going against my very “ nature” but this “ nature” is a “ nature” of disregard for this physical world and is a “ nature’ in survival, seeking gain, wanting to appear as more than another, and this is the illusion as the very substance of all form is the substance of life that as self will separate from the absolute value as life when used in self interest and become energy as emotions and feelings instead of the directive of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that When and as I allow myself to become indolent I am in effect avoiding being here, allowing the next step to seem bigger than the substance of life that is ever present, here, available through breath, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand when and as I go into a morality, as a system of judgement of right and wrong, a system of label that is not directive as it is looking at ideas of what is more and what is less, and thus myself seeking a fixed finality, instead of humbling myself into what is best for all and letting go of ideas about how things should be, and as this realizing that there is a process within equalizing self within the principle of what is best for all, thus to always breath, let go and direct separations from equality and oneness, from what is best for all, from what moves as an ease within understanding here, this being directive in such a way that the object can stand and direct.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that indolence is myself stopping myself from standing and directing absolutely as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow an idea based on my past, as myself being unworthy based on an idea of what looks/appears to be a more than as visual attributes instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that it is the words we speak and the directions we tale that determine what and how life is expressed on earth, and thus when and as I find myself  limiting myself within and as an idea, as a reaction to not having some immediate response, regardless of reaction, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I do not allow myself to become a morality as idea, and/or my past, as one is a self accepted limitation of insight and the other is judgement based on collectively accepted idols of how something should look causing a disregard of the expression of life.

When and as I have a behavior within and as my physically as a judgement of not having reached another, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that I can only face the constrictions within and without one step at a time, thus when I feel myself within physically avoiding/giving up/becoming a stubborn silence that carries an inner voice of “ you don’t understand” I stop and I breath and I direct in that moment within and as the principle of what is best for all.

When and as I find myself wanting to go into familiar habits of self pity, I stop and I breath, and I realize that the past is the past, and not what is here, and I see realize and understand that I can direct myself here within and as common sense as the principle of what is best for all, and within this that skip counting helps hold division of space and time and words help describe space and time as I understand it, thus the language of numbers as measure and the sound as words as directing here are the cross of a GPS system to direct self as life here, a formation of self as life in a human physical body to ground self here as life, as I see it here.

When and as I find myself taking things personally and reacting, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I do not judge myself , I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all,  and I realize that I can only move from a point of nothing into something, into expression and this as each moment, to begin again in each moment, from absolute silence, the real comfort of being an absolute directive of what  substantiates life, as a directive principle, where the idle play of morality can be let go and brought back and directed, here, within and without, to equalize the within with the without, so that life can begin.

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Day 445 Indolence Continued. Self forgiveness and Self corrective application

Continuing with Indolence as the latin meaning as the equation of the parts of the word in meaning as being “ not suffer of give pain.”

So, my projection as my thought of not wanting to give pain is really not wanting to face pain, and specifically face discord, which is to disrupt social norma, these norms which are in reality disrupting a sense of here and accepting that the exception is not the norm.

I think of the statement, “ this is not the time to talk about this - or that” which is an avoidance tactic within being equal to here, as had this not existed then there would not be any problems as a lack, that accumulated to the point where it is not allowed in any daily conversation as in looking at reality, this reality as this physical being the gift of life. Thus, in every moment all there really is, is to interact in common sense of physical reality, which means looking at it. Again, problems arise to show what has not been looked at, thus to decide there is a time to look and not look is the problem.

So, if I allow an idea of potentially hurting another, as in causing discord within an inner belief, through bringing understanding, which is looking here at physical reality and how it functions, I am being within and as my mind, which I have allowed to exist in limitation. Had I not then I would not have thoughts of disrupting another and as I am this, what I am really doing is fearing my own inner disruption as any manner of things, such as rejection, or extreme reaction, or accusation - as I am seeing this from verbal interchange with another.

Within this, because of the amount of separation from common sense existent that is made obvious in behaviors of denying as social rules exist within defining what is allowed and what is not allowed in conversation,  I am adhering as my own complaint within when I accept and allow a thought that I may cause another to suffer in questioning their box in and as presenting information about how we as humans are formed as mind, and thus presenting an awareness that questions opinion and belief as mind. This means that I fear losing an idea of myself, an idea that I use to support myself, validate myself. I remain as idea and am not standing equal to physical reality. Which is all I can do, no matter the avoidance of being here that the imagery of the mind cannot be as it is just a picture I allow to be energized as what directs me, here. My GPS as energized beliefs as mind being a directive instead of myself in common sense with what is the basis of all life, the physical world. My heaven - of limitation, my GPS- needs to be equalized to here, to the physical. My indolence is my inferiority to equality and oneness with and as life, my fear of letting go of values I have made resplendent as mind and used as a map to direct me, this a separation from life, I have allowed the inner to become greater than the outer, and because the inner is tenuous I not only fear losing this crutch turned into a habit, I also fear this being discovered and exposed as being incomplete. In essence I am not equal in practical common sense. Common sense is including all life, of which the physical is as the physical is life in substance so it cannot be denied as it is what is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image in and as my mind of facing rebuttal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow a rebuttal to become an end game, not seeing realizing and understanding that and end game is the acceptance of not looking practically here, at the physical in form and function within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that words can hurt me, when words form ideas and ideas can be looked at in common sense of physical existence, as this the only choice, and thus words allow self to be directive within and as directing rebuttal as limited idea,  as an inner world made bigger than an outer world back into a common sense of what supports the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not move within forgiveness when and as I find myself reacting to a rebuttal that is really a protection and defense of an inner world made bigger than an outer world as the physical.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that becoming righteous is becoming a limitation as it is seeking to be a more than instead of a follow through into and as humbling the expression into being equal and one to and as life here, to the point where equality and oneness within and as what expands in awareness of what supports physical understanding absolutely as this is the only choice.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop and to breath the moment I sense within and as me a reaction of protection and defense in relation to the words of another as a fear of a mistake, which in all instance need only be forgiven and applied within the principle of what is best for all, where self breathes, and thus directs in consideration of what is best for all as in equalizing self expression as a movement that considers all life as the physical within and as what causes no harm and what realizes the structure of the physical as being the expression of life and as such to become equal and one to and as it, which can only happen here.

I forgive myself for  not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my indolence is myself procrastinating within and as fearing that some belief I have about myself will be lost,  as I have allowed an idea within and as me to become bigger than life, more than the physical world, this which I have accepted and allowed as being less than a projection as an idea in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I will be hurt through words, which is myself in limitation and thus unequal to common sense that is inclusive of physical reality, as the physical is what is real, is here, is to be included as being life, thus there is no less than, there is nothing that can be lost, as there is only the movement within and as me that is directive in and as expressing life which is to exist as the principle of what is best for all here.

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Day 444 Indolent imagination

I looked at the word ”indolent” today, and when I looked passed the present meaning to the latin root it hit a chord in me, one of fear, meaning where I to not pull myself together and stand. "In" means “not” and “dolere”  means “ suffer or give pain” So, to be idle is the choice to not “ suffer or give pain.” 

In a system of inequality, as what presently exists, with resource value transferred to money and then handed out based on values that ignore physical reality, a crime against life, especially in a system of growing automation and a physical world of freely given resources that have been developed by many many generations of men, and that same system that has practices that are barbaric in no longer being known to be supportive or sustainable, that have become an elephant in the room that no one dares stand against because in myopic self interest and the indolence of entertainment as television and media all any human point can think of is fearing to lose their money, their paycheck. Even when the practices used are not what is best, that paycheck is more important than the practice. When it must be realized that the way money is used must change, it is not money that is evil, it is how money moves that is evil. I mean, I looked at coal extraction from federal lands, the royalties are a difference of millions to billions in terms of what the sales are of coal, and, by the way, the coal extraction in 2012 jumped a lot. Interesting that we have coal, we allow private companies to sell it abroad and the amount in royalty is minuscule in comparison to sales. Oh, but we are pushing tar sane extraction and pipes that spill. This all seems that the resources of our land are for the profit of a few, even when they are supposedly “ federal lands.” Looks like Congress is being paid in all manner of ways not only despite shut downs, but also despite those unable to feed themselves properly because the minimum wage is not a living wage. Congress is doing business as usual, but then so are we if we prefer paychecks before standing up and changing the system. Are we no different. Would you take advantage of indolent people if you could, for money? You would. The problem is that there are children in this country that lack in so many ways and this is unacceptable.

The CON-sequences we are allowing collectively are going to come home to us, Then it will be too late to do something. The drones will be overhead. I mean, they are to protect those who live in “ white houses” big ones. You are the competition. Collectively, we have to wake up. In this system of not wanting to “ hurt someone’s feelings” we are causing suffering. Feelings are where we are idle. 

Myself, I realize I am the same, I don’t want to face speaking up about how the mind works. I want to be nice about it. There really is no “ nice” about it, a cup is a cup. Being straight about something is being focused, looking at physical consequence. It is like facing someone who is hiding, and has hidden their head in the sand for a very long time, so much so that a real tangible form is unbearable in its intensity compared to the substance-less pictures of the mind. I mean, is this not the problem with porn for eample. The pictures ignite the body chemistry, so when real physical intimacy happens it is a let down because it is not that addicted to"quick fix". Unfortunately, that chemical dopamine fix is not self living in full potential. I guess Congress has you right where they want you. Congress is like a collection of spiders weaving a web, and we are all caught in its net.

Back to myself, again.

When I am in front of a person actually talking, I begin to move and use common sense. But, when I THINK about doing this, I falter, I become idle, indolent. I imagine causing upset. Then I begin to look like that ostrich with my head in the sand.

Self forgiveness thought.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am going to cause harm if I stand up and be direct about how the mind works.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear upsetting another's feelings and emotions, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I might upset someone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have a thought that I might upset another, I am existing in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that having another look outside of the mind into realizing how the mind functions is going to " hurt" them and make them suffer, when all that is going to suffer is the state of ignorance accepted and allowed,  and that, within this, the physical is able to be understood so all one need do is speak up in common sense of what physically exists here on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe  as an idea in and as my mind that in speaking and communicating about the actual physical world can cause harm to another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in the moment that when I get this heavy feeling surrounding my head and shoulders that I am becoming a protection and defense in fear of upsetting another instead of remaining in and as breath and using myself common sense, which means  remaining within the script of physical reality.

When and as I find myself going into a thought that i am going to cause harm within saying a " cup is a cup" I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I place myself here.

When and as I have the thought that I am going to cause harm should i speak up about the physical world, in common sense of form and function, I stop and I breath, and I do not allow myself to imagine a future as this is what this is doing in fact, based on past experiences where I have judged myself to have failed because in facing feelings and speaking up, the horse taken to the water did not want to drink, And within this I blamed myself, which is myself as blame in separation from common sense.

When and as I become the thought of causing harm, based on an idea of politeness before naming a thing for what it is, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that even had I not been clear, I can always breath, slow down look at what i have said and forgive any and all indolence in standing up in common sense of a physical world that functions in practical ways able to be understood as life would give understanding absolutely, otherwise life could not exist.