I think it was about 2000, the spring of 2000. I noticed that every leaf on a tree was moving with absolute purpose. every leaf, every inch of every leaf, absolute purpose, absolute focus. So directed. Sensing every leaf on that tree definitely boggled my mind. The moment before this happened, I had decided that I had to give everything up, everything. At that moment it was as though everything left me, all that I used to define myself. And then what came was the realization that nothing I thought mattered, mattered.
Looking back at my life, I realized that I had done this before, and always there was a point of a certain measure of clarity. The first time I remember this happening, shortly there after the first vortex like tunnel appeared. What I saw was myself at the other end of the tunnel, I was in winter, and on the other side was summer, and I was the grown woman in the summer land. I was twelve and in the summer land I was in my early twenties attending the college on which ground I stood. Of course, I had to live to that age and beyond, to when it happened again to begin to realize what was happening.
Focus, here. What is this for real? What does it mean to focus here absolutely? How, inwardly does one focus here? Does television impart the development of focus here? No. It grabs the focus of us. It can make parts of reality bigger, brighter than other parts, it can show only parts of and even edit out what is not wanted to be focused upon. Is the motivation behind this one of self interested profit? Thus, is this everywhere, a legerdemain, to take one’s eyes off the land. Dis-traction from that which is real, because then in a moment one might notice that all the leaves on a tree move in absolute purpose. And then the television will no longer have any real value. The land becomes the value, the earth becomes more real than any box of colored / divided lights.
My chest is in a knot. I could not move it. I felt very weak. I had to go into it, to find what was weighing me down. At the same time that it feels like it has pressure on it, it feels like it wants to explode. And it is not my heart, I can’t pin point it yet. I had to get it to move - so to speak. I had to be able to focus on it for an extended period of time, to catch some movement, some way to move it. There was a moment of the slightest movement. It was fluid, a tiny movement that I felt was being absolutely forgiving. makes sense as this is movement, the only kind, movement happens in no other way, just as the leaves on the tree. There is no other way to move, otherwise it is destructive.
How is this same action manifest without, and within this, an accumulation of this over time?
Our American Congress can’t solve the problems of growing poverty and decay in America because they are not being absolutely forgiving, within the purpose of the constitution, which is to do what is for the common good, as this is the only choice. Our representatives can’t figure out a way to do what is for the good of the land and maintain their “ more than” profits because the only solution is equality. We have to give up usury. It is that simple.
So, I had a knot in my back, I had to go into this to realize the movement of myself within that I had accepted and allowed, name it and direct it. I wrote it out and scripted directives as words as structures to direct myself within focusing myself away from a bad habit as a belief into what moved.
Now I have to do this again.
Playing the violin is cool, because it demands focus, here. Focus through social politics, through inner emotional states, one has to learn to let things go and focus, here. It means standing within an absolute purpose of what is forgiving in a physical world that exists because each part makes it possible. Thus, usury is not an equation of life because usury uses limitation of some for the gain of others and justifies this within touting what is the exception as being a more than in comparison to the limitations such actions create. A snake eating its own tale/tail. Ironically, in the end neither wins. The only win-win is equality, it is through balance as the physical world in full function that life can begin. The real story is the physical, not the layered self definitions as values in a limited story competing for self definition creating the self aggrandizement that is the act that separates into the chaos of inequality.
This morning I thought someone had arrived at my house, and immediately there was like an electrical branding on my chest, the picture was like one of those new bar codes, like a Mayan image of pixillated squares aligned in a pattern, and with this an entity presence as the story given as told by this person, a compound image perceived through my own cultural bias lens. Its story was of the good, the values, as having some significance, the limitations not expressed and this because common sense is not taught, only fairy tales that bear no witness to the actual real physical landscape on whose ground our feet walk as physical beings. We, us humans, are in separation from what is real, from the physical world, we are in separation from life.
When this fear ripped through me, I realized it was as though I was a child again, fearing to face what registered in my mind as an idea, that facing the adults in my world was like facing monsters. I am trying to face the emotional values, the feeling values as the conscious mind projecting the good to self validate, and ignoring the consequences of the effects of accepting this lesser god on what is real, which is the physical world, the very substance of life.
I was allowing the story, the projections of good, running from common sense, to be a burden I do not want to face. I have to remind myself that I was a child as all of this was informed as how a human directs to become a part of a social network made bigger than the physical network as the land that is what is real. Actually, the social network of ideological values is limited, though once intrenched in this, one stands in a forest of artific-ial electric screens that exist only in constant broadcast, the real forest working away underneath - the life of which is slowly diminishing as a consequence and we need only read the news to realize that this is happening, and here, I must say that the artifice -ial value system is slowly but surely consuming the gift of life as the physical.
I notice a fear within me, a sense of being unworthy, the shame there somewhere, a condition of politeness in not upsetting the status quo of limitation as a social network of men endlessly telling their stories of gain within what is in total a limited system.
And the thing is, is that we all know we are doing this. Just as I had the thought that I do not want to face this, so too do others. The simplified images spinning around in our minds are so because as our separation compounds, memory is saved in a simpler image, the values accumulated that seem to justify the separation. As we can see, laws are being passed that make no sense of reality. They ignore what is abusive and accept what satisfies and justifies what is a form of spiritual usury, where each point on a grid as a social network in total is in separation from reality believes its ideological self to be real, despite the harm of this inner constitution of ignorance - is our Congress the outward manifestation of the inner state?
I mean, adults having sex with children who are physically not equal in size is abusive to children as physical beings.
People putting solar panels on their homes are not welfare babies. If they are then so are the elite, so are all of us. This is in effect believing the usurious system is what is real when the physical is what is real, and the physical world should function without any harm to anything physical on the ground at every point.
If we pump chemicals into the ground we will pollute the ground water, saying there is no scientific proof in a system that hides data and ignores/disallows physical on the ground studies or labels them as " anecdotal" and at the same time inhibits the economic means to sustain ourselves physically and face those who have endless financial means, then the picture show on the media controls will just become an endless spin of justification, with no counteraction available, which means that the collective of men must stand together to end this because the humans on the ground working together is the power, has more movement capacity that any picture on a screen.
I have to tell myself this same thing within, that the emotional feelings values as the projection of idea has no real strength, and walking the separations, not accepting them as in hiding from them, or fearing them, or reacting to them in anger is going to equalize them to what is real, to what is substantive. The dirt is the mind consciousness system, the dirt is the valley of the shadow of good and evil as death, the dirt is judgement, the dirt is the mind, and life is the soil, the earth and the substance which builds this as the sound of life, the movement of absolute purpose as a focus that does no harm that gives as one would like to receive, as that which respects all life, the physical world.
We don't need modern art galleries, we all have one in our heads, just stop and breath and have a look.
It is the compound of your self, built of ideas that are judgements as belief, being used to direct and as such are yourself out of focus, a dis- traction from physical reality, the gift of life, here.