Showing posts with label tense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tense. Show all posts

Monday, November 6, 2017

Using change to understand in order to find solutions Day 799

I remember some years ago complaining when interacting with a public servant. I was irritated when an answer to a question went from the collective into the personal. Meaning, when I asked a question about a process, and the answer moved into “ I don’t know,” I became irritated, and more than likely triggered aggravation in the person in the public servant position, changing the whole mood of the situation into protection and defense behaviors. The person from whom I sought an answer was suddenly suggesting that I was rude. IN such situations, one has to agree and then move on. 

I would rant about such situations, allowing myself to become frustrated with a person who worked within a system to hide behind moving into things being personal. Yet, as well, this is a well know logistical fallacy. When one cannot answer a question, a smoke and mirrors wall comes up of and as moving into something having been done on a personal level. It is a form of changing dimensions. Distraction can be used for a good, to direct, or for self interest when one does not have enough information, or when one does not have a large enough vocabulary. Meaning, when one does not have the ability to do the math, and be more of what humans are so capable of, which is to come up with new ways of doing things. 

It is much like standing in a piece of music, as words are never the real thing, yet they are things. Words are a fluid math, they are a reflection of focus, in terms of revealing where one’s within state is in its ability to register and share what is the movement and expression of what is around one.  Is one in synch with what is here, or is one in a state of separation from what is here? Can one remember what one did last week? If not, is one in synch with this reality? I mean, things have a progression, or change over time, if one cannot remember that, and realize what is actual, then is one really focused on reality? 

What I am seeing today, this moment, is that past belief, that had a truth and yet had no real ability to point out the smaller equations that created what was a sense of changing tense, or mood, using words, to a degree that I realize with more clarity ( and which begs the question as to how much I really know! lol) today. And, to add to this, I realize that at times in my life, I have noticed some subtle changes in the physical natural world around me, like a sudden red flag coming up, as sudden deeper attention onto the environment, the physical natural environment around me- that vast space outside a window, for example. I have to ask what I noticed, and often what I sensed and yet could not specifically name. Thus, my ability to attend to changes is natural, my ability to interpret those changes effectively, warrants greater development in terms of communicating that, which is investigating what are the changes composed of and as, such as color, or pressure etc. It is the same with human beings, in terms of noticing subtle behavioral changes, such as that tense and mood changes in the dialogue. We all know this. Ask yourself how a simple conversation that may start with a discussion about something, suddenly turns into something completely different, where the object of discussion moves into being about what someone said, or suggested about the person instead of the subject being discussed? This happens a lot. Just read the comments on any news feed, it is rampant in our society. And it is a huge means of distraction away from an issue. It is time consuming. On another level, if one had access to large amounts of money, could one with such power actually use this? Yes, of course. Yet, that happens on the greater stage, from seeds planted on the ground. It is like a false resonant tree of occupying through distraction purposeful mis-take in reality. It is, not ‘ like’, an imposed super story of business to distract while all the resources freely given somehow continue their movements out of Africa while those displaced because of this action, starve with justifications that the bureaucracies are too slow moving to get aid. Aid moves slow, at one tempo, and resource  extraction moves more fluidly. The construct should be a huge thing of question. I mean, how many articles are about resources not getting out of a country? 

I find it interesting, to note, that colder countries hold more of the administrations, and warmer, resource rich countries have greater economic instability. It is a formula for a perfect storm. The colder climates must get money to pay for physical reality needs, perfect places to build paper work processing factories. The warmer places require less structure, as that would mean more effective education and one cannot have that is one is interested in grabbing the resources. Again, this a general description of a math, a mode, a tense, a pressure, creating a form, determining an expression. It describes the use of the physical reality. A story, is a series of movements, of actions. With hindsight, those actions create our outcomes, of which are visible, over time, unless one simply does not look. In effect we as humans are intrinsically able to understand this. Why, because we use this to our advantage, though limited, we use it, thus we see it. It is a matter of expanding our awareness to realize this to a greater degree, in all the moving parts of what is here around us. The moment we move into resistances, as self protections, or through self protections in a moment, we can understand how we are a math, an equation of an as our movements. Our words are things, we use them. They reveal in their equations, in what they bring forward, our alignment conceptually to this living reality, and even what distractions exist on local and more global stages/dimensions/platforms. I mean, why are conversations called narratives? And, in all common sense, what is a veil? Is a veil something composed of a distraction that is of memory, as resonant experiences or practices of movement within? Wouldn’t it be cool to acknowledge this and begin to move more in the direction of creating a more functioning physical reality? 

Within myself, how to change moving into frustration and irritation, in relation to this living reality, as reactions towards things based on inner beliefs, into being more playful within understanding this composition of reality with a superimposed , as above, or floating on, and extracting from, as that veil, of a false and limited story of more vague information. Limitation is composed of “ unfocus. “  Where the on-focus is a quantum practice of following practices of protection as resistance to who and what we really are. It, by design, is a form of violence as it is not in synch with the practical and living and physical reality that is what and who we are here. 

One must become in synch with the practical, to realize the more subtle actions, and then no longer move into reactions about them. It means moving more as always realizing the next step, the solution, that creates a lath of least resistance, because that path of least resistance is the place of acknowledgement to be effective in action. Effective action has no signature of violence. Effective action has more of a flow to it. In all, this is why in research in educational development, the greater one’s ability to use vocabulary, the greater a generation of successful action. 

Also, developmentally, and from my personal experience, things can move into what I would call, and others have called a plateau. This is where things are accumulating, and yet on the outside it appears that nothing is moving. I like to relate this to tree in the winter. They appear dormant, yet they are not, they are simply more busy underground. It is also similar to closing the circle, meaning one is busy filling in, or realizing the circle, to then make a leap into moving into greater understanding, or awareness. I can remember times when I did not see this, and become insecure, to the degree a level as a plateau, took longer than it might have should I have recognized this!  I became caught up in the distraction of resistance via fear, based on comparison and self judgement. I forgot the actual. I was not forgiving towards the process of development. Regret, guilt, or perpetual reiteration of such a story, a time-line of events, is in itself a form of distraction and an eddy of and as a state of inner resonant beingness, that can come to be one’s self definition as this, which is more of the same, because it is not being that development as an action of closing the circle, being pro-biotic, being aware of this reality, growing in awareness of the whole of and as what is here- just wanted to add that dimension too! ; )


Coming back to where I started, that state of becoming irritated by a mood change, that is a change in focus based on inner self definitions which are a composition, a resonant math of belief,  always recognizable in having pulls, or polarized values, I realize being a reaction to such a mood, is not calling the math out by name, is not recognizing the movement one is experiencing in relation to how all of this works. Usually, a change into the personal is within this context, a personal protection because of a lack of vocabulary, a lack of seeing the math, a lack of recognizing how much an inner resonance exits as a time-line of experiences that were in themselves more of that same action, practiced again and again until the entity of it becomes larger than the reality around it, as what one accepts persists, as what one resists persists until it is moved into greater understanding, a perfect means of self realization, to show what one is doing to one’s self. When I recognize a shift in tone, a shift in measure, within and without, I have to stop, slow down and breath, assess my information and reinform myself. I have to come down out of a resonant construct, and assess the reality around me, to realize where I am not in synch with who and what I am here, as a physical state of being on a physical planet. In this, my resistances are a gift to show me to myself. It is ultimately, my responsibility to use my changeability in effective ways and means. It is my responsibility to realize the vocabulary that is in synch with this reality. What I vocalize, what I focalize must be in respect of what is here and how all of this works. Becoming irritated with what is here, is like becoming irritated with a song on a radio. That song is a thing, that is all, it cannot define me unless I allow it and it is up to me to realize why I am reacting with irritation and to realize what are the steps that move myself into what would not be of that state of reaction. 


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 208 Fluctuating vertigo

Ladder, Vertigo
Ladder, Vertigo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I was up on a ladder today and suddenly had vertigo whereas one moment before I did not, and had no qualms about being up high on a ladder.
I had had this the days before, and had spoken some SF on the point, and a memory from high school where I experienced a man falling onto his head onto cement. Today I remembered a story about a relative that died falling off a ladder. It was cool, because when I started this project the vertigo was much more intense, and though it returned today, I “caught it”, and the duration of the experience, as mind, was not as overwhelming.
So I will walk some more self forgiveness on this point, and tomorrow see what happens. I have to say, I am not sure what triggered this, but perhaps it will come up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suddenly get nervous about being up on a ladder, and within this losing all sense of the physical space I am in.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the thought that I wished i had someone there to help me with this one corner of the house.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it was at this moment of “wishing” that the vertigo suddenly appeared.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I also had the thought that I was close to the edge of the house, and the end of the deck and the ground below the deck i judged as being far away, despite the fact that I had taken careful steps to secure the ladder, and had even been up to this corner of the house before, and everything had been fine and secure, thus there was no call to worry about distances and then to go into self pity about “having to take care of this ‘ all by myself.”
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at this point images came up of a story I had been told about a relative that had died from falling off a ladder.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have imagined myself falling off the ladder, where within this image I hear the sound of the head of this man I saw falling off a ladder as it thumped onto the ground with a cracking sound, thus the story and the sound of a cracking skull came up as i began to fear my own death through falling off of a ladder.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory of myself, just having gotten off the subway, as I travelled home from school, and began the two block walk home, to have come upon a man falling through the air and landing on his head on the cement sidewalk, where it all happened so fast, and that sound was so loud I gasped for air and was shocked that this man had somehow just fallen off this ladder.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt some guilt about this, believing this to be my fault, as i have another memory of a friend suddenly falling while i was walking along a sidewalk with her, holding her hand when she suddenly fell and hit her head on the sidewalk, and had to go and have stitches and her parents blamed me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had this physical sinking feeling as I was moving into vertigo, much like the sinking feeling I had when I experienced the man falling off the ladder onto the sidewalk on my way home from school.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I had this same sinking feeling when my friend’s parents blamed me for their daughter having fallen on the sidewalk.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself into and as fear of falling off a ladder based on memories from my past in and as my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was on a ladder that I had carefully secured myself, and climbed up many times in the last days, and had no problems being up on the ladder, thus to suddenly have vertigo was a clear indication that I had gone into my mind, as I confused the situation with ideas, opinions and beliefs, in and asemotions , feelings and thoughts, instead of remaining physically present in common sense of what was real within that moment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the ground being far away as scary, especially since I have to legs and two arms, that are perfectly capable of climbing a ladder, and two eyes with which to see what I am doing.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I notice this pattern of clenching my inner thighs, as my legs together whenever I become tense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I found myself doing this very same thing tonight driving home in my car, which is something I will have to look into.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this reaction, in and as my mind, as a seemingly distant “back chat” where i begin to pity myself, as in wanting someone there to help, or assist, even when doing this ‘job” needs only myself, as I have had others help and found this unnecessary.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become uncertain about what I am doing, I begin to wish for help, then go into self pity about not having help, and separate myself from what I am physically doing and lose my own practical physical, here, sense of space.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense up the moment i become uncertain, especially through my legs, where, within this, I become heavy in how i experience myself, and actually dealing with what I am doing physically becomes harder.

The moment I become uncertain, be it within what I am doing as in making a decision, or an evaluation within possibility based on the physical situation and within both go into fear, and thus separation, diminishing my common sense of reality, I stop and I breath and I bring myself back to physicality.
I commit myself to, when I have to make a decision, and become uncertain, to stop and to breath, and to go over what I have physically decided to walk in detail to stabilize myself here instead of allowing myself to separate into and as uncertainty where I sidestep into self judgement based on societal values of myself as a womanforgetting my self awareness equal and one to this actual physical world, which is to say, I remove myself from “here’ into and as belief, opinion and idea and the ensuing emotions composed of such thoughts as judgements done over a period of many years of training to believe such self definitions lacking a self honest development of myself in totality in common sense of what is real, this actual physical world.

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Friday, September 21, 2012

Day 152 Facing the Cold

LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 25:  A man dives int...
LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 25: A man dives into the icy water in the Sepentine on October 25, 2010 in London, England. Some parts of the UK experienced the coldest October night in 17 years last night, with temperatures in South Wales plummeting to - 6.2C. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)
Car goes into icy water
Car goes into icy water (Photo credit: Boston Public Library)
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to avoid cold.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dislike being cold.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become tense, as though I am trying to hold in my heat, when I experience cold.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the cold water did not actually do anything to me but supposedly lower my temperature when I was a child with a high fever and placed into a cold bath filled with icecubes.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that fevers are actually to aid the body in killing a virus, and what the human has done is believed that a fever will kill the human and actually, I don’t even know if this is true, was it ever the fever or was it the virus?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense up when I am cold, to not investigate within myself if I relax and the degrees of cold I experience are not as extreme as I led myself to believe within reacting to a change in temperature that is not really all that cold, as I know that often when swimming, the water becomes warm as one swims.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought before I step into a pond or the ocean, that the water is going to be cold.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react against cool water.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of dislike for cold water and reacting in tensing up within my body in apprehension of facing a moment of temperature change.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be a reaction to temperature change through pulling myself in within myself as a protection defense mechanism, as I believe this will somehow change the experience of moving from one degree of temperature to another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge a change in temperature, within my world , where the degrees in change are not that extreme, as from the summer air to the water, as being a shocking cold experience, when in fact it is not so extreme or shocking, it is only my perception, and my reaction as an idea that this will be cold, as a reaction that is based on an idea and not what is actually real in front of me.

I commit myself to, instead of tensing up when I change from a mild temperature change to another, to no longer allow myself to tense up physically, bracing myself for what I believe is a shocking cold, as it is, more often then not, not so shocking, and should I be in a situation where the temperature does change in an extreme manner, then tensing up within myself is not going to make me warmer, after all one of the things the Europeans wrote about the America Indians was how little clothing they wore in comparison to the Europeans, in the cooler months of the year in America, thus, a human does not need the amount of clothing in cold weather as is believed in European culture.
I commit myself to, at this point not allow myself to tense up and brace myself against a perception of cold, as a change by degree in temperature.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to have this thought that I do not like the cold, especially since I have been in the winter cold, where , with movement, one can stay quite warm.
I commit myself to no longer allowing a thought about being cold, as the being of myself as this thought is actually not a directive within dealing with being cold.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, in and as breath, when I find myself tensing within myself as a reaction to a perception of being cold, and to breath and remain here in and as breath.

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