Friday, February 20, 2015

Day 604 Despair and Space and Time, Self Forgiveness

Despair, I have been talking with my son about relationships and reactions when facing other people.
I gave him some perspective. I realized  later that the perspective I gave him I had not applied myself, or had applied recently and discovered something about being patient and gentle, within the understanding that being patient moved me through into a mutual understanding with another instead of a reaction leading to a mis-understanding.
Within being patient, I was not reacting, but standing the ground within what brought solution, which gave direction.What I found in this instance, specifically was that in repeating myself when talking with another, often lead to a point of understanding. Structurally, this patient repetition, a spaced repetition, through a storm of resistance, the argument of limitation as what one feared or believed that had no real stability, meant for me to remain within being gentle, humble and consistent in my words through this storm of reaction as belief that was in essence not clear, as it was based on some inner desire instead of what made sense in a physical world. Interesting that the physical world is always here, all ways here, bringing the practical movement, holding one gently if we only accepted it and allowed it because it shows the way of no harm, the way of creation, and all the parts that order in ways that are good.
I had spent time with another person, and it took time, with many moments where I felt uncertain, believing that my words were not getting through, as though I made an idol of my words, wanting instant and immediate understanding without realizing that reaching through automated self expression meant working one’s way through this to a point where this exhausted itself and an opening appeared where that point of vulnerability arrived and one stood there open because all had been said, because all had been exposed and either one resisted another or accepted them. but it is this point where within that vulnerability a connection can be made. For me, it was more like, “ yes I have listened, taken the good, and I am here, and I am not rejecting you, I am still here” Overall, this created a situation of calm, of acceptance, of a seemingly safe place to be where each could be themselves.
In the space and time measure, as the rhythm of things moving here, on this earth, conceptually the length and duration of these movements can be understood and timed within a practical application that considers these things, and yet if we have not learned to interact with all of this conceptually, like listening to an orchestral piece, we do not develop the means to direct ourselves here, and our memories are not of the practice of becoming aware of this space and time construct we live in.
The very use of time as a measure as our system, is what places a rigidity into our lives that separates us from practical reality, and yet the measure of space and the duration of the expression of what is here, is a measuring that self empowers each of us. So, the parts are not bad, but when used to separate as control into limitation of being aware, are such means a distraction from reality. And yet what started this? Was it each of us, because we chose to ignore one thing over another, not realizing what in essence what we were doing was comparing apples to oranges instead of seeing creation for what it is, an expression of which we were the same, and of which could change, so one form was us in another form, and that that other form could direct us into more understanding and discovery to the point where we could further play as creators of life information?
So, when I despair, I essentially have believed there was no way through, but here I have to ask myself to where I was going through to? I had to slow down and become equal in understanding with the moment, which means looking at reality and not the shadows of belief in and as my mind, from a system that propagated thinking over cross referencing practical reality, because being caught in thought only, was being in a metaphysical construction, a paranormal existence that forgot reality, and lost the movement of forgiving to the physical total state of being to cross reference what was for real and this being all of existence.
In despair I have lost a sense of space, and become the measure of my belief system, one that is extremely limited as mind. As mind is dependent on the physical, it has its own space to exist, and as such it lasts in bursts. As it has no real substance, and as it exists in the wobble of limitation, which is denial, and then moves into justification, it reaches a point of play out and then opens the silence, and thus the space to assess and realize separation. Structurally, if I stand as what is best for all, and repeat this, in the moment, if my words are clear, and I am open to change in subtle degree within that which is good and does no harm, that can remain. This need nothing other than being gentle and patient, because the strength of what can withstand the test of time , need only be gentle, much like the water on this earth is gentle. Even water can be gentle when frozen, all fluffed up as snow, and even steam can be gentle, washing around one warming the skin. lol.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to despair
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my own common sense as who I am as life to sense space and the imposition of time as a regimented system of control based on a belief stuck in comparison moving into competition because of a separation from creation as life information, as sound formation that just as water can change.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that an idea defines me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot change.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept what is here in this moment, and to stand here in this moment accepting what is here, understanding it and enjoying it as life, as it reflects me to me, where I then can change in my understanding.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to criticize another in support of my own self interest as idea believing that something will be lost if an idea I have about myself changes.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that creation is always creating, and as such, changes, which means I am in constant change, and yet this is the way and the means into understanding creation here, accepting life information.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be patient, without fear of change, as the physical does not change in an instant, but transforms, thus change is a process, one that moves in ways that I can understand and participate within and as myself as the very words I know, to commune with life as the physical, to participate in creation as what I am.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become patient and gentle and humble, in my interactions with the physical life around me, to slow down and equalize with this creation, to see directly the muse of creation, of which I am an equal substance of and as, and as such to not despair, but to join in the community of life as the physical here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within the game of survival, as ideas, beliefs and opinions as mind, a metaphysical existence of self interest and self aggrandizement in separation from remaining equal and one in conceptual consideration and respect of all life, which is the physical.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and remain within and as my common sense, gentle and humble as what sense here is and does, to see realize and understand the measure of here as the physical and the mind in separation that cries limitation - that runs out of steam, that compares and within comparison fears a loss of self definition and competes to validate a self definition that is overall a separation from self as life and creation.
When and as I find myself reacting to limitation and self validation, within and without, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to become patient and gentle, which is to fear no loss, to place myself within what holds me as the silence of eternity, to stand in cross reference of physical reality within and as what does no harm, and what self empowers another to understand the practical measuring of here is forgiving of and as common sense to see function and form which  gives answers when questioned to look at the parts and understand, taking the time to realize physical creation to then move in ways that do no harm.
When and as find myself moving into resistance as to what another says as idea, belief, and opinion, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow, and that form can be understood, assessed, examined and considered and then directed in practical common sense ways as this is the capacity of myself as life here, as this is with all men, as physical being on earth, when given the space and time and support physically to do so as each is the very substance of and as life here.
When and as I find myself believing that all is lost, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I realize the nature of myself as life is like water, that the common sense of me as me, is gentle and can cross reference reality here and understand the space and form as the physical in creation and investigate with the innate ability of and as me to cross reference and take in information here, to self empower me to take that which is good and does no harm.
When and as I find myself moving into despair, I stop and I breathe and I forgive myself to practical reality, understanding that with spaced repetition I can stand in thought word and deed within and as what is best for all here.

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