Presence and resonance beingness . Who am I? Day 744

In my last blog I wrote about sensing what can only be called a resonant change within myself, after living in a foreign country. I wrote about how I noticed a physical resistance that precipitated    calling out a behavior as being extreme where previously, before living in another country, I had no physical resistance or reaction towards such behavior. All of this indicating how I can, within seven years, change the very resonance of me, as a comfort zone of the stance, or the acclimated values within me, or, relationships I composed myself within and as.  When my environment changed, and was no longer the ‘ song’ or ‘ math’ or collectively accepted values of a group, I physically reacted. It appears to be a sense of being out of synch with my surroundings, yet I started to notice the differences and projected the differences as something outside of myself.  I could have become so focused on the differences ONLY, yet managed to realize that I had acclimated to the ‘ stance’ of my new environment. 

How often does this happen in other areas of my life? And/or am I as near to being fluid in seeing the patterns and movements of this overall? Meaning, do I apply how much a resonance of values  are what I face, what I meet, when I interact with others? If I do not understand this, are those moments of projection and calling out of a behavior, a labeling that behavior being weird or extreme, without realizing the interaction of resonant values bumping up against another, as being a relationship ? Do I realize that I am simply in a juxtaposition of values imbedded in the flesh as what has become an acclimated stance within? Do I tend to resist what does not ‘ resonate’ with me, because I have become so self involved that I have lost all perspective of seeing and realizing this? Ultimately, how is it that this has not moved me to realize that the only thing that is real is the physical? And/or that taking on a value, as focusing on something, is okay, yet must always refer to what is in the moment as the greater world around me, within an understanding that what is practiced, if not reviewing the whole overall, can become resonant within, and then direct the flesh to the point where, as I did, react physically? What would happen if this is not understood? I can think of many reactions, as resistance I have done and lived, because I did not understand this! I, instead, in my self centered self interest ONLY,  believed my resonance to be more real than what was around me. I blamed this very default happening in others, on that resonance, even went into fear of it, instead of realizing the whole and the parts of and as how this all works. 

Is it not also so easy to realize at this point that this is what the proverbial ‘ valley of smoke and mirrors’ is in fact? Where to hide what is real, but right in front of us. as the within made larger than the without, and the without being what is real, and what is similar to being a ‘ master mind’ in that what would ground is referencing all things, and balancing out within that, this in itself a practice lending greater flexibility , or less stagnant inner stance of values in a bubble.  After all, then, what is a mind consciousness system? If one’s focus , as the events one allows within, on a time line, or horizon of sequences of self accepted stances, or values, were repeated again and again until they directed the flesh,  would one become a ‘ seed’ of information, of and as small movements compounding in one’s deeds? Would this end up causing a resonance counter to the greater whole? Would a flexibility be lost? Would the ability to process information become stagnant as that resonance consumed the life within, as the very focus of that presence within? Who could correct, or balance this out? Can another do this for one’s self? No. Would the self that was caught in the web, want forgiveness? Thus, is the only choice, that of forgiveness? As forgiveness is the movement of correction? This correction not capable of being done by anyone, but the self, and would one not want it to be any other way, as this is the way to self mastery? I mean what is one doing when one practices a musical instrument all by themselves? And would one also need to practice or interact with the whole also? Would a one sided practice cause an imbalance? 

A word is a placeholder of information, thus a word can be used to direct this, to guide this, to trigger the re-establishment of one’s focus onto the greater and the smaller, in the present, so that the self can see the resonance within and the practical without. This would lead to being equal and one to all of creation. Instead of reacting, as resisting resonances ( ghosts in the machine) one would become more self directive- AND NOT FEAR THAT RESONANT MATH!  As it is, at the moment, we are all basically, resonating values in a self centered inner-rest, absent a common sense of the present moment, which is being in the practice of the physical reality around us, recognizing what does not harm, as what accepts what is here, and working with it, or interacting with it, or communicating with it, which overall, allows one to realize one’s own resonances. In a way, there is nothing wrong with looking at the parts, bringing this forward for a moment, yet remaining grounded in the physical is also necessary. 

I admit that I am in fear of what resonates in another, because it means that I have to face the equation. I have to have the patience to slow down, listen, ‘ quantify’ , call out by name, to become in sympathy with clarity with another, with a resonance, and then relate back to the practical, or realize what would be best, and make choices, as the only choice, as what would expand and lend direction without generating more conflict, or harm as a reaction to a ‘ resonant form’.  I can so move into fear, or anger, when meeting resistance despite realizing the only solution is to go back to the drawing board and walk the clarity again, especially since a resonance can be quite sticky and bounce back. This being what causes a great forgetFULLNESS, that is the root of the problem within this not being understood.  

Because we have, in a sense, all become like the movies we watch, ‘ story boards’ that repeat and speak and direct the flesh, as a resonant sequence of events colored with value judgements, singular and limited though not necessarily ‘ bad’ , it is necessary to slow down and begin to differentiate this. It is to give space for greater and deeper recognition of one’s accepted and allowed resonant seed of information. 

I have this point where I miss some turn, some resonant movement within me. I can see, or feel the after effects, as this cycles, yet have not yet caught that tiny movement that was a choice I made, or accepted, as a value judgement. It is like not wanting to let something go, or this being so habituated, I can only practice catching this again and again, making mis-takes.

Mostly, it is in my arms, a tenseness that is intense. lol.

What helps me, at times, is to look at this as though I am reading shadows. I liken it to a ‘ life review’ where I bring every moment of my life forward, like a resonant history, and realize where I resisted, rejected, blamed, pushed away, stood as - believed, etc. And then, to sort out my resonant under-standings.  Has to be done, and why have it any other way? After all, how does one come to master something? What did we think humpty dumpty was all about?  And why were the fables, and tales, and biblical stories, and twentieth century novels like 1984, telling us? And why were they in a format that was indirect yet revealing? They in themselves are a kind of resonant form, showing a math, yet cannot be the actual practice in the self. It is just as I was when I started calling out the value system manifestation as behaviors on a face, as I stood looking at this from a different resonance as what I had acclimated myself to.  I am the subject of my own objectification! Because of a fear of calling things out by name, which is the means to self empowerment and disempowerment of the limited resonance , it appears easier to do the same without facing this directly. Yet, if this is what I am saying must be done, then somehow I am not facing this in myself, because I am unwilling to show the bare naked accepted and allowed resonance of myself. The point is that this is understood, and pointed out, though indirect, by many. 

A word for me today, is the word ‘ frame’ meaning, what am I framing within what I bring forward, as resonate within me? What and where am I losing a sense of the larger frame as the physical? What am I defining myself as, within a resonant frame, and what relationships am I making that builds this frame I stand within? What practices in the small within myself can change this frame and focus, or realize in a more fluid way, calling resistances out by name, and understanding to then relate to the whole to build a more encompassing relationship to the whole as all things, where I do not rush, or expect, or fear a loss, thereby procrastinating, seeking perfection,  idealize,  control, reject, imagine only,  give up, get lost in a comparison of self protection etc. I can, as the very capacity of and as me, learn to play/perform/interact-with-the-whole as the means is right here, in plain sight.  After all, so much of what has not been lived, is that individual practice of doing and realizing the smallest of movements, as the smallest of things, is what one must master to become a master of self, something that must be practiced, and something that no one can do for the self but the self. This AND interacting with the whole, as it cannot be ONLY one or the other. 

Memories are a resonant being . Day 743

Two memories have come up that I have looked at before. I notice that I also have back chat or “worst case scenario’  imagery coming up. The worst case scenario ‘ episodes’ are really random, using all manner of imagery. I have these come up in relation to driving because I have had two head-on collisions, that within the system, were not my fault. AND, they happened in a place where many such accidents happen. I remember that it was said that there can be places where there are cross currents, maybe this place is one of them.  For instance, I found out my orthodontist’s wife also had two accidents in the same place. The cars were destroyed, meaning they were so damaged to be tagged as unrepairable. I have fears around driving and they tend to come back when I am not addressing something; I can use them as a red flag.

I had lived in Europe for ten years. One summer, I returned to the states, as I had other summers too, yet never had that which I am going to describe, happen. On this eighth summer, I noticed that I was constantly stepping back from my American peers. Meaning, I would be standing and talking with them, and find myself taking a step back.  I also remember asking the question, “ why are ‘ you’ moving towards me so much?”  At the time, I remember looking at this, and also saying. “ Wow, I can see how other cultures label American’s as having a garish intense smile!” 

After spending seven years in Europe. a seven year cycle, my ‘ resonance’ as my state as a manner or stance, had changed. This fits in with how our cells cycle themselves, as in our cells carry the resonance of our ‘ math’, or the ‘ value’ system that defines us, holds us, is of how we are mannered within ourselves! This eighth summer, I was resonating my exposure, my environment, my newly cloaked ‘ color’ , all measurable in the distance I stood from another person, the amount of reserve or intensity -of-smile, or presentation of myself and how I held the very muscles of myself; ALL OF WHICH IS A “ MATH,”   had come to be a counter  or alternative rhythm, so to speak, to my American environment. 

What I find interesting, as telling of my stance on another level, is that I so readily moved to BLAME those around me, as though it was not me, it was them- the objects around me! Even within asking a question as, “ Why are my friends leaning into me so much,’ and ‘ Now, I know why other cultures make fun of the American way of being intense ( like a staccato-ed accent in music) with the manner of grinning from ear to ear- as though making a ‘ happiness’ stance more intense, by degree! Thus, I was projecting the ‘ difference’ as a ‘ wrong’ or uncomfortable thing being done unto me. 

What is also amazing is how my physical body reacted, with me doing the thinking after the fact. I only noticed it because I noticed my body reacting. This indicates, how much of a resonance stance I became, which is the same in all of us.  The very ‘ math’ of an in-culturated manner, representing value systems, had become me, which manifested the eighth year into my change into another environment. This corresponds to a cellular memory that then comes to direct my subtle movements physically. This memory has come up in tandem with a memory from childhood as of late. 

I had gone and walked up to my father and younger sister in this childhood memory. I had wanted attention, and as such surprised my father, who turned and knocked me over onto a tricycle. I have a scar from this, which at the moment, has some very dried skin on it.  In this memory, I remember being angry at my father, feeling hurt that I had been knocked onto the tricycle.  Even though, at the time, I got over this pretty fast, I do remember being so embarrassed that I was angry, and I blamed my father for suddenly turning and inadvertently knocking me over- as I am sure he did not want to do this and probably felt some degree of shame as well. Yet, this is my earliest memory of moving , or projecting blame. I was actually embarrased as I had only considered my own desire for attention- so my anger, was really my own shame, because I acted on an idea. I acted on some resonant desire, separating myself from my own common sense. The after stance, even with the anger, I was aware that I had moved in my own self interest- so absorbent am I as a human being. 

I wanted to take a deeper look at resistance. When I look at the resonant change within myself, after living for seven years in a different culture, how my immediate reaction was to project the change, or problem, being on those around me. It was an after thought to realize that I had become more of the subsequent different environment.  The resonant manner, embedded in the physical, was what showed me my own actions, my thoughts immediately moving to project a story, and as I said, that of blaming the objects until I with a secondary overview, began to sort this out.

I also remember saying something to my peers, that I could understand how other cultures labeled Americans in cartoons with aggrandized and plastered smiles. With some of my peers I met reaction. Meaning, with some I caused the same that I had been, a form of resistance and projection into justification instead of understanding. Some understood and even found it interesting. This is telling, because it is showing that the very act that I did, is deeply ingrained in our ‘ reading’ of actions- as manners are a form of action and expression of ..... our resonances, our beliefs, our value systems, our math, our way of reading relationships with regard to everything around us. We are truly organic robots. Which, on another level, is why the media is so successful, unless we view it with a critical and creative approach, understanding what I am saying here, overall. 

Thus, as I said, I have this back chat, with really random scenarios, coming up, and it is composed of this movement of projecting blame onto the objects around me. And yet, this other memory where I realized the very resonance of me, in seven years which matches cellular change, indicates that what I allow, as how I move, within the very smallest of measures, comes to be the information that directs my physical movements! This in tandem with this memory from childhood, and my scar, I can see where I, as far as I can remember, planted the first movement of blame, that even if I at that age, did not dwell on it for too long, it was that tiny movement that started a seed of projecting the problem of my own actions, outward onto the objects around me. 

Because, I have not cleared this ‘ resonance,’ as a formula, up, completely, in its inception, it continues to be how I move, in manner, or, in thought, word and deed. It could also be, that I am at a point of change, as a point of change also carries a quality of most resistance, as the old does not want to die. 

I want to also look at the practices in the school systems, and relate this to learning the violin. I had violin lessons for years, I would go and have the lesson, and have exercises to do at home, ALL BY MYSELF. I had to learn to walk those tiny movements, that practiced being in control of my body, and integrating a physical awareness of the space. This was a practice that no one could do for me, but myself. 

If I look at a school, it is like having a violin lesson, where a direction, or a practice is given, and practiced, or walked through a couple of times, yet cannot be that self, practicing that movement.  The self has to go and do the walking, the practice. The time and space in what a school is, cannot be that practice by the self. One is actually building what comes to direct the physical body, which says that what one allows, and what one practices, will come to resonate in the body and will move the body, thus one’s actions reveal one’s math/perspective/memorized -as-conditioned-blueprint-of-belief, or the order of relationships as how one sees the world.  

A school relates and teaches with example, using words and pictures, just as a violin teacher can model,( which is actually more direct) shows a form, movement included. If I do not practice that movement, and only do it based on that one time, trying to incorporate it from that one showing, I am going to cause a distraction in my presence as I interact with the world around me. I am going to slow down my processing when interacting with the whole, missing things, and causing imbalances, because I did not do that which only the self can do, which is integrate something new through the only way to integrate something new, which is to go and do the small, to practice it- as it takes both the exposure AND the detailed practice of the small, as this is how things are built. 

This is why, so many master’s of things, stress the importance of practicing the small. Meaning, to make sure that small is practiced, because the self must learn to self direct, in detail, all by themselves. This is something that no one can do for the self.  Another way to say this, is that the schools cannot be that practice for the child, and nor should they, as it is a valuable lesson for a child to realize that they build understanding, and that this takes practice, because it takes time for a correct movement, to be integrated into the cells, so that the body moves in effective ways, as what we practice ( or allow, follow without question)  becomes what directs us. Yes, it is that deep, and resistance towards acknowledging this is simply self rejecting and resisting how this all works. Resistance means, one must really look at one’s manner. In all, it does not matter who’s fault it is, if one wanted to take this stance because ultimately, what one has allowed, or been exposed to, resonates within, which no one, not any other person can change but the self. In my case, blame is not going to change this as being in a state of blame, as projecting something outward, is not a practice of looking at what I resonate and learning from it, and realizing that it is what it is, does not need to define me, and shows me where I am not being in understanding, as embracing what is here. In all, such actions, as what I have accepted to be the resonance of me, can show me relationships between things, as beliefs, and as movements that can understand and change in a moment, relax and move in ways that ask more open ended questions, for example.

In so many ways, I realize I have become a social engineering so prevalent in the idea of being ' positive' where I become the end game of sympathy, instead of including empathy; seeing what is being expressed as relationships, understanding how what we resonate is simply ideas about relationships, and to realize within this, that what is real, is myself being here, moving in real time here, because this is where I am, this is where I am living a real performance. I also realize how I can sense the smallest of movements, as the very subtle deeds I move as, within myself, as my resistances show my accepted and allowed practices, which are relationships I direct as belief, because I have not practiced being grounded here, in real time, seeing the real relationship that is here, as my living , and present relationship. My resonance can show me, where I am out of synch with reality. 

Another way to look is to realize what focal and vocal distractions as ideas, beliefs and opinions, resonant within, from past relationships, one is allowing to define who and what one is, and to realize the small movements that build the overall resonance, and the correct small movements that ground one back into being present in this reality. What the media and school systems show is, is a story of information, an equation of order, one that can come to define us, if we allow it. Also, that no one can clean up the resonance of what we have allowed, as believed, but the self. It does not matter if it is someone else's ‘ default system’ as one not understanding how this all works, because projecting onto the ‘ fault’ as a lack of understanding this, is not the action of correction. Only the self can do this, and since we are all doing this, there is only self forgiveness and self correction. That resonance can be read, one can learn to call the movements out by name, thereby taking away the power of the default, and reframing the movement, into respecting this reality, as there is only here, which is how it should be. Another way to say that, is to ask, what came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Thus, over all, I have to realize what I have mathematically accepted and allowed, as a movement as me, and to cross reference this real world around me, to practice being present here, recognizing what I have come to believe, as be comfortable with, as the very movement of me, expressing accepted relationships, and slow down, breath, ground myself and call out by name, the math of me, and recall as the very sound of me, a living relationship to what is here, as the physical, to equalize myself, or to get in synch with here, the actual physical. I can recognize when I am rejecting- what I am resonanting, by movement of blaming things around me for not being what I resonate, and become equal and one to the resonance of life here. And, within this, to realize that this same thing is happening all around me, because, overall this is not understood. 

Even as that small child, I had become a resonance of belief, or allowed a resonance of belief, that I needed attention from my father. On some level, I separated myself into a resonate idea, as a math, and did not pay attention to my surroundings, believing that there was a more, when I already was the means, as being present here, which is the real ‘ more’ of and as me, as being present and in synch with what was real, as the physical symbols, as life in a living relationship, working together in ways that are more symbiotic, and of an interaction that is respectful of all things, choosing what supports no matter what.

When I find myself resisting, I have to stop, slow down and breath. When I find my physical body ‘ stepping back’ or tensing up, or constricting, I have to slow down and look at what I resist, because what I resist persists a resonance of the same manner. Here, I have to breath to see that resonance, and to correct the mis-take, or the state of measure/being I have practiced and to begin to change that to the extent that I become a master of myself.  Naturally, this will take time, the time it takes for the body to regenerate cells. Yet, just as in practicing an instrument, a careful practice of this gains momentum, and my ability to change the resonance of me, will grow. It would be like being able to switch from playing a renaissance piece, and the suddenly a early modern piece of music. Which is interesting, because I remember asking myself how I could become more fluid within changing myself within the practice of music. I never thought of living this as the instrument of me, as a physical body, sounding things out, as the very words I speak, sensing this world, and the world of a more emotional memory, as opposed to a more superior, or fluid memory, as that presence within and as me as life. How could I be so blind, and why was I not taught this from the beginning? 

In all this is why knowing one’s words is so important, as words are a means of calling things out by name, and placing the math in synch with reality. Only practicing words in a closed context, as the vocal and non-direct application in real living space, as building relationships of words into practical reality, is a one sided practice.  One must practice spelling the word, and practice generating the sound, and practice a relationship with the word directly with reality- something that cannot be done in school alone, or learned via the media alone, one must, as the self, just like practicing the violin, or a sport, actually practice the sounds, to build, or retain, a natural spatial ability to reality in relation to what one generates as the words that reflect relationships in this world, as words are never the real thing, they are a muse, so-to-speak. 

This also is the practice of building a relationship with what is here, understanding one’s own resonance- which can change, and doing the math of reality, the systems and one another.  No one can do this but the self. In another way, it is to say that the real means without, is to go within. It is to say that humans are the perfect machines to ‘ do the math’ of existence in real time. Being this real focus in real time instead of a mind consciousness of separation. The place of most happiness, because humans are happy when they are capable of real focus,  and unhappy when they are lost in a dissonant resonance, that is not effective in substantive self direction, is being focused here.  When our neighbor is self directive in practical real time, it helps us, as the body of the overall machine, must synchronize to life, the physical. 

Enjoy and practice the smallest of things, as they are the means to understand the larger forms as the physical around us. Learn to spell and speak you words, build direct relationships with the words, to living reality, understand how the body resonates a math of one’s exposure, opportunity and belief systems.  Breathe, slow down, write it out, and call things out by name, forgive yourself to the small, the practical, the here, build a lasting relationship to this reality. The tools are here, to help, yet no one can do this for the self but the self. The way out is to rebuild the within.  We are the perfect machines to be and do this. Blame is really a resistance to change.  In another way, blame is a form of revenge for one’s resonant seed of information, or ego. It is the self showing the self, where one is not being responsible and/or how we inform ourselves. Thus, my blame, is myself not standing as solution or self actualization. I must look to the small, the singular event that was a repeated action, that created a time-line, that rolled up into a resonant seed and came to manifest as a seeming ' dissonance' to reality around me, as the interactive relationships to all things around me. No one can correct this humpty-dumpty scattered and fractionalized  resonant-in-the-cells-event horizon I allowed to become seeded in myself but me. I would have it no other way, as this is an opportunity to become equal and one to who and what I am, the potential of me, as life.

There is, although seemingly counter because of a resonance unacknowledged, GREAT JOY in mastering the small.  It is the means of self empowerment and the full engagement of all the senses, it is the inherent potential of the human being. It is right in front of us. It is time to take this back, to remember this to ourselves. The way out, is the way in. 

E-motional memory verses Superior memory. Day 742

Emotional memory verses superior memory.

What is an emotional memory? It is a memory that moves by association, a scattered self, building stories to avoid looking directly here, and choosing to self direct in effective and  practical ways. It is a memory that is a mis-use of the imagination. It is a memory of value judgements instead of moving in a direct application of practical steps, something that demands a presence in the physical and practical reality. It is a memory of memorized information, without real mastery of the subject, as the story memorized becomes greater, as the focus of the ability to sense,  than what is real as the physical. It is believing that the numbers and words and pictures falling down the screen of one’s mind is more real than the wall of the mind composed of atoms and electrons and the forms therefrom formed as that physical symbiotic system as the physical.  

An emotional memory is an inferior memory, one that cannot remember what happened yesterday, or the day before and has no real insight into tomorrow. It is a metaphysical shadow, invisible yet telling in the words and focus and movements of the machine called the human physical body, as that body loses the gentleness and grace of movement so visible in children, those children before 7 years of age, or sooner because this emotional memory has become an elephant in the room in so many, and the children absorb it so readily, that some could say the law of compounding has reached a critical mass, and that mass is so large, children are being inundated at an earlier age. Children are the poorest on earth, they have no way to escape as the adults believe in their inferior emotional memory, the ONLY thing made real, more than the ability to be practical. Being practical builds a more superior memory.  

A superior memory, has a living creative and critical thinking ability.  The emotional memory loses spatial ability over the life time of the person, so visible in no longer being able to drive a car, as driving the car becomes difficult because the loss of focus ability in real space and time, has  become lost in a emotional directive as the self following an emotional memory of ideas, beliefs and opinions, polarized value judgements that is the manifestation of a lack of real self  responsibility. 

 An emotional memory cannot see that real story, as it is lost in the manipulations of self interest. An emotional memory,  cannot see consequence in space and time, as the present systems moving on the world stage. An emotional memory cannot see that the paper religions are the means of abdication of self responsibility. Paper religions say one must ask some invisible force for forgiveness, because the emotional memory is so lost in itself, as its own accepted and allowed construction, that it lives in a story of information that reflects the denial of the real self. 

 An emotional memory made huge, projected out onto the world lives in constant anxiety, and avoids what may reveal the self interest of a composed shadow world of denial of the practical, the physical. If anything, an emotional memory denies and denigrates the physical, that which is in plain sight. An emotional memory driven person has a harder time keeping their house in  order, has a harder time overseeing a reconstruction job- something that was not so difficult at one time. An emotional memory driven person, has a harder time with relationships, as the stories of information creating metaphysical stories that have nothing to do with the practical that sound more spite and blame than anything else, are a spin of information much like the story of Humpty Dumpty, a shattered and dispersed collective of bits of events constantly weaving and forming to only continually substantiate a logic of rejecting self responsibility, a kind of perpetual motion separate from reality. The outcome, a loss of real spatial ability. It becomes a memory that consumes and no longer sees the real horizon, and will choose to watch cheap entertainment instead of looking at what is real and moving and forming on the world stage, and with the trees right outside one’s door. 

This begs the question as to what is a superior memory?

A superior memory most probably does not exist. A superior memory would be a focus in the practical reality, respecting all things, from the smallest to the largest. A superior memory would be aware of the movements of what composes this world in the immediate and the distant. A superior memory would see, for instance, that the religion of Islam, is a newer religion, and would look to see why this was formed within the context of the whole.  One could also do this with the formation of Christianity, where a man came and said god is within, at a time when there was a movement from polytheism into monotheism. It was the message that the qualities given to existing within many gods outside of us, were to become living words, as one could stand equal to the qualities projected and begged for and yet not seen to be the capacity of each, as the composition of the practical, as the living physical reality. Instead, the qualities of things that are here, as the physical, were self denied and a belief that there was a god that gave and took away the ability to be aware of the states of being as qualities one could become and understand and stand with to focus on the living reality were denied by the self, again, and made into a belief that such was given, and thus, this is a religion of fear, a paper religion because it exists only as the words of men, made into an emotional memory. 

Today we could say we have a god of science. A god that supposedly has done all the research and therefor no more questions need to be asked because the science is done ( and we have been behaviorally programmed to follow ONLY- without question - practiced in the design of public school education, consuming years of development) . And that science does not need to be reviewed and checked. This in itself a body of emotional memories in fear of losing their jobs, as the self interest in survival is greater than what is best for all men, this a continuation of denying self and living outside of real capacity as a superior memory.  We are moving into a chemical god , that is a chimeric god of information, a limited story serving the belief that we cannot know, and continuing the imposition of ideas, beliefs and opinions that we cannot be responsible, when we have been told that god is within, as life, manifest as the practical and physical world, hidden in plain sight, where the answer is to become the living word, to respect the immediate and be aware of the distant, to cross reference the real and very practical physical world, to understand the qualities of this world and to work with them in ways that do no harm and to practice standing equal and one with them. Even the educational understanding of accelerated learning techniques tell the way to building a superior memory. To use the senses, to cross reference the immediate and the distant, to build relationships with words have a direct application to this living reality that surrounds us, that is us.  

One could say that our cultures are our past, that we cling to (the information not all bad) instead of reforming into new ways of doing things that support and value all life. One could realize that our banking system is a private club manipulating economically to bring forward systems of control, in the offerings of what avenues are allowed to structure our lives, as we are not being responsible on an individual level, choosing survival over what is best for all.   An emotional memory is a memory at war with common sense, the systems merely a representation of control of each at war with being in common sense and respect of the physical. The loss of spatial ability a mirror of an emotional memory. An emotional memory being a inferior memory, and the resistance towards being one’s self in one’s real capacity, which is to exist as a superior memory.  A superior memory being the ability to see directly here, to make the only choice available, the choice to investigate, assess, review, cross reference, here, the physical to move in ways that do no harm, that consider all things, that realize and live in presence, in body, in spirit, in focus of and as what is best for all.

A superior memory sees, realizes and understands that the paper castles of men as the words composing the systems , holding them in place to control a lack of self responsibility because of the acceptance of an emotional memory ONLY -  a smoke and mirrors show - a form of limitation, causing a war of polarizing bodies of contrasting lie-by-omission storied tales that are but a wall of numbers and letters falling all around us as the media ( amazing how our popular culture reflects what we do!) , and the voices of an emotional memory informing us as persona’s thereof, distracting us from seeing directly here and accepting a natural capacity to be and live a superior memory.  All of this is rejection of real capacity and a default system of acceptance of the suppression of self, that feels like a depression because a rejection of self is a form of depression that leads to behaviors of anxiety, fear, denial and eventual physical dis-ease. I mean what did one think the story of Plato’s wall was about?  What did one think the presence of becoming ‘ the living word’ was about? What did one think one’s loss of spatial ability is? What does one think self forgiveness is about? 

Ask yourself; " How is a house built but in practical ways and means? " Time to take back self as life, and live in the physical reality as being life information. Focus here, forgive an emotional memory and build a superior memory. Become present here, take back a direct focus,  the tools are here, they are simple, effective and move piece by piece, a walk into life. Become the potential you are meant to be.  

Moving into Fear and Losing Potential Day 741

Moving into fear and losing potential

Where is that point of movement, a sound movement in a way, where I move into resistance, instead of solution?

I can realize when I move into comparison, blame and spite, all of which is fear, as this is moving into protection instead of a harmonium of balance, remaining focused on myself here as what and who I am as a physical human being in a physical planet. I can notice where I move into seeing events of the past that I have allowed to define me, the cultural background based on environments and social structures that were ideas, made ritual, utilizing how things are built as a repetition in sound, as words, as pictures, creating a melody within of which movement against caused conflict, and I feared for my survival, allowing myself to fall into an illusion projected onto reality, as the physical. I became a one sided conversation and no longer conversed with what is real, the physical. To restore a natural presence, means to recognize what I have allowed to direct me as information, and refocus this in reality, remaining present, or within a presence of this reality, acknowledging that I allowed myself to become at-most-sphere, instead of being a part of this real event called life all around me. 

In practice, in the practical, I am water and substances that can remain in balance and flow as who and what I am, I need not compare myself to others as they are the same as me, they are another means of perspective, a conversation of this orchestra, cross referencing perspective builds a greater awareness of the whole.  This means direct interaction and that careful walking from the grass roots up, from the ground up, eventually reconnecting the parts to realize the sum of the parts create the whole. Bubbles of belief separate from the practical, as a mind consciousness system of a story of a sequence of events being resonant instead of a reflection of what is here, as the physical,  is what is sounded on the media stage instead of information that educes a greater awareness of this physical reality in and as how this reality actually functions. Human rights outlines stand more in accord with what we are, realizing each being needs the basics to function. Instead we trade information as ideas, beliefs and opinions in separation from the practical, from a common sense of the whole, as what and who we are. 

I can sense when and as I move into fear, and realize that because I have allowed myself to exist within fear, that I have little practice in being and remaining present, being thankful when a perspective is sounded, as shared, that is not something I had real-eyed in focus, in recognition, in-sight. I can become the model of standing as this, accepting mistakes because of habits allowed within in discord of the practical, I can be thankful within opportunities of discord to balance and sort out, of which, when a starting point of practice, can build momentum and lend a more rapid ability to process and hear here to then reflect here with and as what I speak, as what I sound, as the very instrument that is me as a human being on a physical planet. I can transpose what is around me, remaining consistent, constant, grateful , always remembering the silence is there for me to reflect the potential of life, to reform, to interact, to place my feet on this ground, and build from the ground us because this is the gift given of where and who I am, as a physical beingness on a physical planet. I have the  capacity to hARM- o - neighs  myself here, in common sense of what is the same as me, to speak in tune with reality, to become the insight of words reflecting what is here, and thus realize what is more natural, which is to sing/speak in tune with here. 

One thing I learned, or experienced in this life is how important is the small, as a sense of presence that I can direct in the smallest of movements. When realizing the smallest of things as a stabilizing point , it is easier to then move into the greater construct of the small, as the parts of  as much a part of the whole as is the whole a composition of the parts of the small. Thus, I must not fear the small. In this case the very words that I speak. To master this within myself, and to not fear this, to realize this is not a thing controlled by anyone but myself, lends great discovery in myself being able to become the directive capacity of myself.  I can become an instrument that sings with this reality.  

Just as I accumulate through practice, which is a kind of consistent recognition, I can become a seed of this, standing as this, building in the very fabric of this existence the means towards this, moving like the growth of a tree, spreading veins of this into what is here, until enough momentum is built that the fruits of what is laid-bare as my labor, is recognized within and as a kind of awakening in self awareness here, back into this physical reality being the expression of life information. 

What joy and connection would that be in living practice? In real communion with and as a recognition of who and what we are as human beings, breathing and real=eyezing creation right here? What joy to realize connection, to lend what is freeing and giving of capacity inherent in who and what we are? Would there exist one-sided conversations? Would there be rushing or would there be the joy of the small, the joy of real connection, where each could become self directive here, being thankful for what and who we are in physical presence? 

The rush and narrow read of greed, does not recognize the reed through which the sound of fear rushes through, seeking a quick fix and in so doing missing an experience of real connection , a living connection. Fear is in-stead of the ignorance inherent in a one-sided conversation. A  limited conversation reflects the con of greed, the rush of hope alone, or a faith without the experience of living the practical and small necessary building of a real command ability.  In step with life a seed of presence must be built, to become that tree of deep rooted stability, harmonious with this that is us, physical being as who and what we are, as creation information. This must be sounded, the sounds mastered. Mastery means a practice of recognition of the notes and how they form the narratives that frame and direct presence , that pre-science , that precious sigh of breath able to reflect recognition of the formation of this life, this physical world that is creation, right here. 

Words are a thing, they are a sound thing, a piece of sound. They are a narrative that when believed to be more real than the physical, separate awareness. Yet, words are a means of building a sound picture that is in accord with this physical reality. A means of recognition with this physical and practical reality. The space of silence surrounds the words I speak, therefor there is the space to see the time of narrative, and to relate a conversation to living physical information as creation, right here. We can therefor sentence ourselves to a state of separation from here, or use what we sound to sound the chord of this physical reality, directing as who and what we are, to become equal and one with this life information that is the same as us, as it is what and who we are. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist recognition of what and what I am as the very words I speak here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the fabric of a conversation in separation from being in a chord with and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize all that is here his the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear what is sounded, to resist, to compare, to reject,  instead of playing with, realizing I can change, and process and investigate and assess form here, and enjoy the awesomeness of the small, as the space is here, all around me, to sense and realize potential as that which recognizes all things and senses balance and harmony into what does no harm, as I am life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe a self created and accepted narrative in separation from recognizing this living reality as the physical that is life in expresison here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand what I form as the words I speak, that can become a series of events in protection and defense, in fear of standing equal and one to here, as this living reality, that is physical, as I am the means and the instrument able to recognize here, to be cognizant of here, as the space of potential as silence as a starting point of and as the very means of who and what I am as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear silence, to fear space, to fear recognizing here, as myself,  as I feared letting go of a false narrative as an experience of a mis-use of who and what I am, as what I sound as what I speak,  in and as allowing a starting point of self interest, out of step with a practice of recognition of and as a respect to and towards this physical world,  of which an underlying silence allowing a perpetual recognition of the potency of the physical as life, and the constant realization of realizing what does no harm here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject being present and respectful of this reality, and instead following a false and energetic sequence of events as a narrative inconsiderate of all things, as the practical and basic needs of what it means to be physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how adaptable I am, within and as what I form as the words I speak and how as what I am, I can remain within the heart of me, as who I am as life, and the tiers of this reality so auditory around me, if I slow down and list- them to recognize and respect all that is the same as me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in terror of here, and within this to real-eyes that the tiers of physical beingness are sounding here, audible here, thus can I turn an accepted and allowed inner seed of events built in fear of myself as life, into a recognition of the tiers sounding practical and physical reality, here. 

When and as I find myself in fear, in resistance, in separation, in comparison, in not living the potential of me, as who and what I am, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I recognize the physical, to list-en to what is here, to tune into here, to utilize the space of here, to see realize and stand equal and one to the awesomeness of life information as creation sounding all around me as the  physical. 

When and as I find myself being in terror of here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and listen, to hear the tiers of form here, as the physical, to change from being in terror of here, protecting a territory of and as idea, belief and opinion, of and as who and what I am, and I forgive this, and recognize myself to the physical, hearing the tiers of creation, allowing and accepting being present here, moving into being in tune with the practical physical formation of creation, here, that is the same as me, and I enjoy working with the smallest of things as the words I sound, to ensure a constant and steady practice of respecting as recognizing all things, to move from reaction as being terrified, into seeing directly here the tiers of reality audible around me, thus is a desire for a territory in survival  transposed into a recognition of the tiers , as the order of the physical, rite/right  or/hear/audible/formed here before me as the physical with myself the same, as what is here is me.

Remaining Grounded and seeing the Ephemeral Manipulation of Sound. Day 740

remaining grounded and seeing the ephemeral manipulation of sound, as the very words, as our focus with which we speak.

I have been working with children, to the point where I live an invisible warped ephemeral movement in relation to the processing of words, as the spelling of the code. It is interesting to watch a child not see what is directly in front of them, something I noticed years ago when I began on the journey of working with children.  Prior this this journey in working with children I had taught children music, and had the experience of seeing in real time what a real stable structure could lend direction, self generated, within them. 

I have spoken to educators who realize this same outcome, that children love structure.

Thus, what  encounter in waring with children, is this ephemeral form, seemingly invisible, yet manifest in the movements as the focus of their presence in this reality.  How can a child not see the words in front of them, and bounce back into typing a word again and again within a different spelling when the real spelling is right in front of them, or they have spelled a word correctly, yet bounce back into a mis-spelling again and again? It is, not ‘ as though’ there is another presence dominating their focus, which means there is a memorized concrete yet invisible ‘ picture’ within them that supersedes and imposes itself in relation to actually being able to sound out a word, yet spell it completely other than what the child sounds- even within having practiced a correct spelling the day before, and appearing to have mastered that correct spelling. This is called a polarization between what is real, and that ‘ belief’ within, a picture that is in separation from the real ground.  This means, in effect, that we can develop a con-sciousness, a con-science, of separation within us, and it is difficult to see, as it manifests in behaviors, as the directives are ephemeral. Can we understand how we can argue with another, having an ephemeral presence that the participant cannot see, this within ourselves as well. 

This reveals that our words can become corrupted - so to speak- because we can build an associative memory construct that is in separation from reality, from the practical. What is it that our children are losing but an ability to be present and walk practical steps that order the practical world around us- a real focused structuring of presence with a real relationship to reality, this place where things actually get done, as this is the real magic, a magic that happens with real space and time doing.

This also reveals that what we expose our children to, can build an inner ‘ entity’ of information that if not in synch with the practical leads to mistakes in reality. If the presence is focused on that ephemeral ‘ math’/measure entity, without regard for the practical, and compares that inner ephemeral entity determining actions, to what is lived in real space, a disconnect happens, and a value judgement about the self becomes the experience, that in turn feeds that ephemeral presence, building into an inner seed of information that becomes more and more dissonant from being grounded in the practice of directing self  effectively in real space, creating a time that is in synch with a more direct seeing that lends a more effective practical practice. Such a thing will appear to move slow, if one steps out of this mis-use of the imagination and into real space as being here, as the imagination can appear to move much faster than those practical effective steps. It is the story of the turtle and the hare, where the turtle appears to be moving more slowly, yet gets to the finish line faster. If one is lost in an ephemeral measure, as memory, that has come to direct one’s actions, a sense of space is them lost. With the turtle, appearing to move so slow, the sense of space is not lost, as that turtle is in synch with measure, as time, AND space. 

Within this, the ephemeral existence can be so manipulated, and lead to a constant state of fear, because one has no real grounding. If one learns to listen to the sentences, as words, spelled out into time lines of information, one can begin to hear the ephemeral smoke and mirrors sounds separate from the practical, and one can begin to feel more secure in disempowering this ephemeral formation, through calling it out by name. One can begin to remain constant with what is real, as the space that is here structurally around us, and the sound constructs of words that reflect a mis-use of the imagination, which is a form of a mind-consciousness, or an ephemeral consciousness of separation. If one begins to realize the two, a great sharing within one’s self will happen because this is the effect of seeing the rushing train of thought within, and stepping out of it, back onto being focused in the structure of this physical world around us. It feels like one is moving against a rushing current. With the children, it means to slow down and walk the correction again and again, until the child moves with more momentum into realizing the disconnect and seeing the difference between an accepted mis-take and the correction. The sense of clarity in the child is awesome, and the greater presence consequence is very self empowering. 

I for one, have spent my life not seeing this. Or, I can say, it has taken many years to see this. And I can say, that pushing against that ephemeral entity terrifies me, as I did not see, realize and understand the difference. Also, I can be heartfelt towards this, as the behaviors reveal such separation, and I can speak up, even when I must move in contradiction to my own manipulations as this, with a starting point of fear of this, and a fear of being exposed in relation to having done this myself,  I can move towards patiently calling this out by name, self correcting the focus of myself into being in synch with this practical reality. I have to become that turtle, appearing to move very slow, yet grounding myself into a time sequence that respects the practical, or grounds my presence into this reality.

I have noticed in this life that people who are very effective with their words are loquacious in a stable way, building a sound structure with words that pull one in, because the words frame a stable focus that lends a greater awareness of space and time, time being the sequence of events telling a story that is an effective story because it mirrors real practical applications easily digested by the listener.

Consider the opposite, where there are value judgements, the sentences as the words, being an equation of a truth, then a value judgement, and a possible doom and gloom outcome? THis is a focus through manipulation of sound constructs as the very words we speak. And imagine this manipulating that ephemeral entity within, as one’s experiences that are missing a real presence in space and awareness of a time-line of information within that lacks a real placement in practical space? If one has a huge ephemeral presence, superseding reality, a process of deconstructing and reconstructing would move and fold into many different forms, struggling to maintain a balanced and constant formation more effortlessly held as a state of balance once mastered has a constancy that is easily maintained, which is how the turtle stays the course and though appearing to move slower, makes it to the goal faster. 

What would be the means of ensuring no out of synch ephemeral inner state of being existed? Could this be done within grounding our words into living relationships with reality, where this would be reflected in the spells sentenced into sound constructs as a correct use of our focused presence into real physical space, creating an inner time line that can stand in clarity leading to a self direction that reaches goals? 

Would the sentences, as the words that spell our para-graphs as directives become directive instead of punishing, as all those ‘ don’t do this” with gloom and doom forecasts creating  a weathered storm separating one from practical sustaining and less consequence of mistake creating directives ? Would such sentences spell our effective paragraphs of problem solving, living the realization that there are no problems and only solutions- which is how the turtle makes it to the goal even though appearing to be slow?

If we look at our words, and realize the relationships we have developed, as ephemeral imaginations and what is clear in being equal to the practical reality, that would by degree as the spelled out sentence into a paragraph of outlining actions, become a list of steps that retain a presence in the self directing within and the practical reality without? How could one then make any other choice but what lends directive applications and become the self directed principle because a relationship with the practical is grounded in this reality, understanding that dis-connect of a consciousness of separation that can happen and manifest as an ephemeral presence out of synch with the space of here, as the physical? 

I have to say, that the process of this means slowing down, and speaking in such a way that I redefine my presence back into being focused here, on the practical, my words reflecting this, within and as spelling sentences out into paragraphs that mirror the practical, and as such speak truth to power as solutions that are a living respect of the synch of space as the physical  and practical world here. This is in effect to become a living word. It means to become equal and one with the math of existence, as the physical, and to realize, within this, that an inner construct can be a consciousness of separation from this reality. causing discord and using retorical devices of distraction from remaining focused here. Thus, building, because this is what we do, building a grounded inner structure, as the words we know, having a living relationship to what each words represents in this reality. This would be to be in synch with life. to become a master of self, generating a focus in consideration of this life, of all things here. Would one not become stable as such a presence? 

In a way, what really terrifies me, is this ephemeral presence within and as myself, and yet, acknowledgement of this, is the first step towards reforming this presence into a focus in synch with life, as this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be and exist and build an energetic resonant entity out of synch with this reality, this space, here, and as such to have accepted and allowed an out of synch ephemeral presence, separating myself from being who and what i really am, as a physical beingness here.

I  forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up, against a mind consciousness of separation from this reality/

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to mis-use the gift of life, as me, within and as building a mind consciousness of separation within and as a consciousness of fear, rejecting life as the physical

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the terror of and as accepting the same that I feared as I feared punishment of calling out separation by name, and instead chose to become a separation of limitation, manifest as energy within and as me, recognizable as being unsteady and all over the place, much like the metaphorical rabbit, having lost being in synch with myself as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become ashamed of myself, for having accepted and allowed this, which is really a regret in not having lived the potential of who and what I am here,

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that becoming angry about this is more of the same of having allowed a consciousness of separation, as a mind consciousness of beliefs, opinions and ideas, held in self interest, and allowed to define me, t hide the overall mistake of believing in survival before realizing myself as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and a accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the only choice is to resound myself into being grounded here, equal and one to this reality, a practical and physical reality, visible all around me as the ground on which I walk, to then speak in respect of this reality, to spell out sentences that graph what is here, realizing practical step by step actions that always resolve into a focus of this reality, to thus become in synch with life- as life is physical. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the smallest of movements, as allowing myself to become overwhelmed to the point where I believe there are no choices, when in effect I am moving to relate to all things, with a starting point of fear, as that fear moves into not making a choice, and in that space of not making a choice, comes the nothing, which is a solution into making a choice, as the nothing is the potential to make a choice, thus that point of nothing, as being so frozen in fear of making a mistake, is a point of being in nothingness, which is the answer, as from nothing there is the potential for all things to form, and thus, needs not an energetic action of fear, as I can slow down and breath, and ground myself here, and within this to practice this, as I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear, in fear of punishment, in fear of making a mistake, in fear of survival, for so long I have accepted and allowed the manipulation of myself words to have a relationship of protection and defense of myself's own fear, instead of being grounded in the practical in the awareness of being present here, in synch with the physical, and the means of moving within the physical as being in an order of practical steps, of which I can spell out as words, into sentences building pictures as sound frames of paragraphs that can change in every moment into a conversation to move as solutions listing the step by step actions that lead to being equal and one with this reality, to live here, to being potent with what is life, as the physical here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being exposed as being in self interest in fear of speaking up for life,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to used words to distract away from focusing on my own rejection of life as the physical here, this done in a self interest, as a belief that if I did not I would not survive, as this is an illusion as the only choice is to take that which is good and lends a focus onto the practical here, as I live on a plan-et, where my words as what I spell, can sentence a paragraph of the practical reality that is here, and the step by step means of respecting what is here, and making a choice to do no harm, here.

When and as I find myself moving into fear, moving into an ephemeral state of being that is unstable manifest as judgement, as hyperbole, as inflammatory language, as ‘ what if’ scenarios, as doom and gloom, as projection of fault towards others, as projecting what I have allowed to become huge within and as myself and to recognize this, and balance this out into the practical, and to realize the moment of fear is a state of non-movement, where I stand between making a choice, and thus am capable of realizing form and function, and the eternal silence and embracing nothing that is the potential for everything, and within this to be easy on myself, as the nature of aligning from an accepted separation is to become a practice of deconstructing self interest into standing in equality and oneness with this reality, and within this realizing the disconnect from reality has manifested as a system, that I must move with and as, standing as being in recognition of and as there being no problems and only solutions here.

When and as I find myself in that state of fear, as being uncertain, as moving into protection and defense, as being confused, as not being, or allowing a slowing down to become more steady, within and as breathing, to realize my own practice of disconnect and to take a moment to realize this and instead of fearing the nothing to realize everything that is here, is me in another life, and that life is creation manifest as the physical, that is potential information, and thus, I can slow down, remaining in breathing until I can assess and investigate this reality, and list the practical, as recognize the practice of life, as the physical, to ground myself to become in synch to life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into competition, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am calm, serene, stable, present, and I see realize and understand there is no such thing as competition, as I am physical as life in creation, here, and within this, the practical remains constant in a way, and the pull into polarized value of right and wrong, good and evil, more and less, have a quality of being a false promise,  as what is constant is here, as the practical, and I, in slowing down, and breathing, can step by step, refocus myself here, equal and one to what is real, as the physical.