Segmented practices that show us who we are. Day 769

Why do I fear LOOKING?

In performing, I have practiced being focused on myself, the movement of music around me, as parts and the overall whole. This is what looking is, and when accepting of what is, one sees the greater structure, and can retain more presence , even within mix-ups manifest as quicker re-call, of momentary absence of presence, or within facing a new form; sudden and moving into clarity as one both ‘ sight -reads’ the form as the notes ahead of time, and places it in the context of the form, as the notes being generated. 

In relation to the destini I Process, I have been practicing looking at my own layered emotional ‘ firewall’ that I have allowed to define me, and which has slowed down the processing speed of reality as myself here. Meaning being effective here, problem solving as a movement of self correction to and towards this living reality, and not ONLY as the bubble of layered emotional stories within and as me. This onion of emotional values accumulated over time, slowing down a natural ability to process information , this living reality information, where real skill lends real practical movement, and develops real focus, to the extent one preforms in real time, in this space, here. 

Just as I have practiced a focus in reality, as the music generated in a group and by myself, i can do the same here, as this living reality. When what I am doing is not effective,  resistances happen, of which I must practice what I am LOOKING at, that is causing me to not READ, or process my state of being, the state of being of those around me that are the same as this, and the practical living reality, AND, the existential system forms accepted and allowed that are on this earth today as a consequence of not understanding how we are absorbent machines and very functional machines. Remember, our thoughts become our actions become our habits, determine the COURSE of our lives, and by extensions, as a collective, the COURSE of this reality.

Naturally, it is important that we realize that we are all the same. It is only belief, opinion and idea in a bubble in our heads, resonant around us that separates us from realizing what is in plain sight. This is why the DOGMA of religion and politics is an illusion, manifest as creating a society communicated via our present media, of storms of value judgements, spinning in a very narrow focus, that distracts us from, for example getting aid to countries experiencing drought- of which we obviously are very capable of doing because the natural resources grabbed behind this curtain, are constantly moving. This does not stop- or your cell phone would not always be so readily available. How can we not see the contrast of the two when they are so IN OUR FACE, if we slow down, step out of our emotional firewalls and LOOK HERE.

Do we not wonder why so many of our children in our high schools are labeled as having “ SLOW PROCESSING’ speeds? Our projections of storied mis-information, is right there, around us, resonant, sucking the life from us. Various practices, in our society today, though segmented, acknowledge this.  Yet we are, in some ways not bringing them together, because we, as being in a bubble, are not seeing the parts and the whole, as what we are telling ourselves!

For example, there are apps that suggest writing out our emotions. There is a practice I have encountered where children are pulling up memories, to resolve ( micro) traumas. This is a reflection of and as ourselves telling ourselves that we are being emotional firewalls of and as memories that must be cleared in order to improve our processing speeds! These memories are emotional and they are slowing down a natural ability to process information effectively. 

We also understand, as all the research in reading makes this very clear, the more effective use of and as how we SOUND ourselves, as our words, as those small parts that compose our expression that is never the real practical living thing, and only ever like a reciprocal reflection of something to share perspective to then UNDERSTAND as check before taking action - that process of always respecting the practical as the living reality around us. 

This medium, of sound as words, as expression in a verbal form, can also be HUGELY manipulated. lol, this can be said, in a moment, when someone speaks, to begin talking out loud, about how much words can be manipulated and used to distract from reality.  Here , I am thinking about how chemical drugs are given new names, based on adding a ‘ foot’ as another chemical, that segments when placed in the body, so that the chemical drug is actually, in practice the same as an earlier drug that has lost its patent, and no longer can generate huge profits. This new drug can have a new name, be marketed and sold at a much higher price (  insurance rates?) when it is the same drug! This is all done with subtle manipulations of the physical, and with words;  words painted in windows, formed into something that does not fully disclose what it really is within what it actually does. I mean, how corrupt is that? And who is responsible to investigate and understand this?  We are, each of us. It is something that can be understood, yet if one is busy managing a layered onion of limited information as value judgements which is polarization into good and bad, becoming resistance to reality, how can one slow down and hear the orchestra of movement around us? Emotional firewalls take a lot of time management! And, I will not go into what the ignorance of taking these drugs does to the environment, and how that seemingly no significant difference, accumulated over time - just as the emotional memory resonantly accumulates over time, -causes the very distraction that does not LOOK at what our small actions become and effect the living environment around us. Nor will I go into what this does to those that come after us, as the children and the growing numbers of them that do not even have a chance at life because of what has accumulated in the environment affecting their growth- also sold by what we call teachers in schools!

We have to LOOK at the very fabric of what we are doing, what we are being, within and as ourselves, and begin to recognize this within ourselves, to then be able to recognize this around us, to then self correct the very focus of who and what we are into realizing the real means of what is the real capacity of what we are in total, as working parts moving in tandem together, to create a world that is expansive and effective and actually moving as life, which is a movement of steady sustained productive expression and creation, it is a structuring as a skill set that fashions sustainable ‘ trees’ of expression.  The power is in the numbers. Individual, unique and present as the effective skill sets that can only be realized within respecting all things around us and as us HERE, in this physical reality- that one thing that is what our attention is taken away from; within agriculture practices made ritual into tradition, defining us, yet separating us from this reality - as all those resources as what is real and what is ironically owned by a few,  into religion and politics that is the voice of justification for what is a separation from what is the MOST real, which is the physical.  

Some call this getting out of one’s head ‘ trip.” Because it is a HUGE head trip.  In reality,  we are on a PHYSICAL TRIP.  Just ask yourself why the physical is what is owned by the few, and how religion is meant to make believe there is a better life somewhere else. And, religion is a make believe, because no one has actually seen it, and come back from it. Look at when one believes  a lost one is ‘ around one”? That is memory. There is not “ one around “ one, it is a vessel, as a layered onion of value judgements. Have to also ask yourself, why in America, there is a lesson in high school from the Shakespeare play ‘ Hamlet” that subtly is an idea of and as “ shoot the messenger”? lol, we are psychologically in-FORMED to believe the messenger is shot. Don't call things out by name, you may be shot. This is a manipulation of WORDS, of SOUND.  We have become instruments emitting emotional fire storms. Does this not describe the valley of good and evil? Yes, just as a cup is a cup, this is what we are allowing and accepting, that emotional firewall is the valley of right and wrong, more than and less than, good and bad. The composition of which are those emotional reactions, that can be realized as comparison, imagination, blame, spite.  They are all fear. 

 When we as a fabric create apps to write emotional states out, and practices to pull up memories,  we are revealing to ourselves what we have allowed ourselves to be, and what we allow ourselves to focus upon - all composed of WORDS.  HAHA ,too late, the cat is out of the bag! Shooting away the messenger is not going to change this. Like a master of martial arts, real compassion is to not accept what does not focus self into being a master of self, to structure self, as become effective skill sets, that lend effective interaction with PRACTICAL physical reality as the CREATION OF SELF AS LIFE, here. 

This begins with careful and effective restructuring of the notes, as the words, as the sounds generated by the self, that build the habit fabric of self that inform one’s actions in a real and physical world that is in plain sight, right here. After all, without the trees, without breath we do not exist - no religion and/or no dogma supersedes this.  The nature of effective parenting, would place the means in PLAIN SIGHT to lend self autonomy as who and what one is.  We are physical. The physical is LIFE. 

Memories are a resonant being . Day 743

Two memories have come up that I have looked at before. I notice that I also have back chat or “worst case scenario’  imagery coming up. The worst case scenario ‘ episodes’ are really random, using all manner of imagery. I have these come up in relation to driving because I have had two head-on collisions, that within the system, were not my fault. AND, they happened in a place where many such accidents happen. I remember that it was said that there can be places where there are cross currents, maybe this place is one of them.  For instance, I found out my orthodontist’s wife also had two accidents in the same place. The cars were destroyed, meaning they were so damaged to be tagged as unrepairable. I have fears around driving and they tend to come back when I am not addressing something; I can use them as a red flag.

I had lived in Europe for ten years. One summer, I returned to the states, as I had other summers too, yet never had that which I am going to describe, happen. On this eighth summer, I noticed that I was constantly stepping back from my American peers. Meaning, I would be standing and talking with them, and find myself taking a step back.  I also remember asking the question, “ why are ‘ you’ moving towards me so much?”  At the time, I remember looking at this, and also saying. “ Wow, I can see how other cultures label American’s as having a garish intense smile!” 

After spending seven years in Europe. a seven year cycle, my ‘ resonance’ as my state as a manner or stance, had changed. This fits in with how our cells cycle themselves, as in our cells carry the resonance of our ‘ math’, or the ‘ value’ system that defines us, holds us, is of how we are mannered within ourselves! This eighth summer, I was resonating my exposure, my environment, my newly cloaked ‘ color’ , all measurable in the distance I stood from another person, the amount of reserve or intensity -of-smile, or presentation of myself and how I held the very muscles of myself; ALL OF WHICH IS A “ MATH,”   had come to be a counter  or alternative rhythm, so to speak, to my American environment. 

What I find interesting, as telling of my stance on another level, is that I so readily moved to BLAME those around me, as though it was not me, it was them- the objects around me! Even within asking a question as, “ Why are my friends leaning into me so much,’ and ‘ Now, I know why other cultures make fun of the American way of being intense ( like a staccato-ed accent in music) with the manner of grinning from ear to ear- as though making a ‘ happiness’ stance more intense, by degree! Thus, I was projecting the ‘ difference’ as a ‘ wrong’ or uncomfortable thing being done unto me. 

What is also amazing is how my physical body reacted, with me doing the thinking after the fact. I only noticed it because I noticed my body reacting. This indicates, how much of a resonance stance I became, which is the same in all of us.  The very ‘ math’ of an in-culturated manner, representing value systems, had become me, which manifested the eighth year into my change into another environment. This corresponds to a cellular memory that then comes to direct my subtle movements physically. This memory has come up in tandem with a memory from childhood as of late. 

I had gone and walked up to my father and younger sister in this childhood memory. I had wanted attention, and as such surprised my father, who turned and knocked me over onto a tricycle. I have a scar from this, which at the moment, has some very dried skin on it.  In this memory, I remember being angry at my father, feeling hurt that I had been knocked onto the tricycle.  Even though, at the time, I got over this pretty fast, I do remember being so embarrassed that I was angry, and I blamed my father for suddenly turning and inadvertently knocking me over- as I am sure he did not want to do this and probably felt some degree of shame as well. Yet, this is my earliest memory of moving , or projecting blame. I was actually embarrased as I had only considered my own desire for attention- so my anger, was really my own shame, because I acted on an idea. I acted on some resonant desire, separating myself from my own common sense. The after stance, even with the anger, I was aware that I had moved in my own self interest- so absorbent am I as a human being. 

I wanted to take a deeper look at resistance. When I look at the resonant change within myself, after living for seven years in a different culture, how my immediate reaction was to project the change, or problem, being on those around me. It was an after thought to realize that I had become more of the subsequent different environment.  The resonant manner, embedded in the physical, was what showed me my own actions, my thoughts immediately moving to project a story, and as I said, that of blaming the objects until I with a secondary overview, began to sort this out.

I also remember saying something to my peers, that I could understand how other cultures labeled Americans in cartoons with aggrandized and plastered smiles. With some of my peers I met reaction. Meaning, with some I caused the same that I had been, a form of resistance and projection into justification instead of understanding. Some understood and even found it interesting. This is telling, because it is showing that the very act that I did, is deeply ingrained in our ‘ reading’ of actions- as manners are a form of action and expression of ..... our resonances, our beliefs, our value systems, our math, our way of reading relationships with regard to everything around us. We are truly organic robots. Which, on another level, is why the media is so successful, unless we view it with a critical and creative approach, understanding what I am saying here, overall. 

Thus, as I said, I have this back chat, with really random scenarios, coming up, and it is composed of this movement of projecting blame onto the objects around me. And yet, this other memory where I realized the very resonance of me, in seven years which matches cellular change, indicates that what I allow, as how I move, within the very smallest of measures, comes to be the information that directs my physical movements! This in tandem with this memory from childhood, and my scar, I can see where I, as far as I can remember, planted the first movement of blame, that even if I at that age, did not dwell on it for too long, it was that tiny movement that started a seed of projecting the problem of my own actions, outward onto the objects around me. 

Because, I have not cleared this ‘ resonance,’ as a formula, up, completely, in its inception, it continues to be how I move, in manner, or, in thought, word and deed. It could also be, that I am at a point of change, as a point of change also carries a quality of most resistance, as the old does not want to die. 

I want to also look at the practices in the school systems, and relate this to learning the violin. I had violin lessons for years, I would go and have the lesson, and have exercises to do at home, ALL BY MYSELF. I had to learn to walk those tiny movements, that practiced being in control of my body, and integrating a physical awareness of the space. This was a practice that no one could do for me, but myself. 

If I look at a school, it is like having a violin lesson, where a direction, or a practice is given, and practiced, or walked through a couple of times, yet cannot be that self, practicing that movement.  The self has to go and do the walking, the practice. The time and space in what a school is, cannot be that practice by the self. One is actually building what comes to direct the physical body, which says that what one allows, and what one practices, will come to resonate in the body and will move the body, thus one’s actions reveal one’s math/perspective/memorized -as-conditioned-blueprint-of-belief, or the order of relationships as how one sees the world.  

A school relates and teaches with example, using words and pictures, just as a violin teacher can model,( which is actually more direct) shows a form, movement included. If I do not practice that movement, and only do it based on that one time, trying to incorporate it from that one showing, I am going to cause a distraction in my presence as I interact with the world around me. I am going to slow down my processing when interacting with the whole, missing things, and causing imbalances, because I did not do that which only the self can do, which is integrate something new through the only way to integrate something new, which is to go and do the small, to practice it- as it takes both the exposure AND the detailed practice of the small, as this is how things are built. 

This is why, so many master’s of things, stress the importance of practicing the small. Meaning, to make sure that small is practiced, because the self must learn to self direct, in detail, all by themselves. This is something that no one can do for the self.  Another way to say this, is that the schools cannot be that practice for the child, and nor should they, as it is a valuable lesson for a child to realize that they build understanding, and that this takes practice, because it takes time for a correct movement, to be integrated into the cells, so that the body moves in effective ways, as what we practice ( or allow, follow without question)  becomes what directs us. Yes, it is that deep, and resistance towards acknowledging this is simply self rejecting and resisting how this all works. Resistance means, one must really look at one’s manner. In all, it does not matter who’s fault it is, if one wanted to take this stance because ultimately, what one has allowed, or been exposed to, resonates within, which no one, not any other person can change but the self. In my case, blame is not going to change this as being in a state of blame, as projecting something outward, is not a practice of looking at what I resonate and learning from it, and realizing that it is what it is, does not need to define me, and shows me where I am not being in understanding, as embracing what is here. In all, such actions, as what I have accepted to be the resonance of me, can show me relationships between things, as beliefs, and as movements that can understand and change in a moment, relax and move in ways that ask more open ended questions, for example.

In so many ways, I realize I have become a social engineering so prevalent in the idea of being ' positive' where I become the end game of sympathy, instead of including empathy; seeing what is being expressed as relationships, understanding how what we resonate is simply ideas about relationships, and to realize within this, that what is real, is myself being here, moving in real time here, because this is where I am, this is where I am living a real performance. I also realize how I can sense the smallest of movements, as the very subtle deeds I move as, within myself, as my resistances show my accepted and allowed practices, which are relationships I direct as belief, because I have not practiced being grounded here, in real time, seeing the real relationship that is here, as my living , and present relationship. My resonance can show me, where I am out of synch with reality. 

Another way to look is to realize what focal and vocal distractions as ideas, beliefs and opinions, resonant within, from past relationships, one is allowing to define who and what one is, and to realize the small movements that build the overall resonance, and the correct small movements that ground one back into being present in this reality. What the media and school systems show is, is a story of information, an equation of order, one that can come to define us, if we allow it. Also, that no one can clean up the resonance of what we have allowed, as believed, but the self. It does not matter if it is someone else's ‘ default system’ as one not understanding how this all works, because projecting onto the ‘ fault’ as a lack of understanding this, is not the action of correction. Only the self can do this, and since we are all doing this, there is only self forgiveness and self correction. That resonance can be read, one can learn to call the movements out by name, thereby taking away the power of the default, and reframing the movement, into respecting this reality, as there is only here, which is how it should be. Another way to say that, is to ask, what came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Thus, over all, I have to realize what I have mathematically accepted and allowed, as a movement as me, and to cross reference this real world around me, to practice being present here, recognizing what I have come to believe, as be comfortable with, as the very movement of me, expressing accepted relationships, and slow down, breath, ground myself and call out by name, the math of me, and recall as the very sound of me, a living relationship to what is here, as the physical, to equalize myself, or to get in synch with here, the actual physical. I can recognize when I am rejecting- what I am resonanting, by movement of blaming things around me for not being what I resonate, and become equal and one to the resonance of life here. And, within this, to realize that this same thing is happening all around me, because, overall this is not understood. 

Even as that small child, I had become a resonance of belief, or allowed a resonance of belief, that I needed attention from my father. On some level, I separated myself into a resonate idea, as a math, and did not pay attention to my surroundings, believing that there was a more, when I already was the means, as being present here, which is the real ‘ more’ of and as me, as being present and in synch with what was real, as the physical symbols, as life in a living relationship, working together in ways that are more symbiotic, and of an interaction that is respectful of all things, choosing what supports no matter what.

When I find myself resisting, I have to stop, slow down and breath. When I find my physical body ‘ stepping back’ or tensing up, or constricting, I have to slow down and look at what I resist, because what I resist persists a resonance of the same manner. Here, I have to breath to see that resonance, and to correct the mis-take, or the state of measure/being I have practiced and to begin to change that to the extent that I become a master of myself.  Naturally, this will take time, the time it takes for the body to regenerate cells. Yet, just as in practicing an instrument, a careful practice of this gains momentum, and my ability to change the resonance of me, will grow. It would be like being able to switch from playing a renaissance piece, and the suddenly a early modern piece of music. Which is interesting, because I remember asking myself how I could become more fluid within changing myself within the practice of music. I never thought of living this as the instrument of me, as a physical body, sounding things out, as the very words I speak, sensing this world, and the world of a more emotional memory, as opposed to a more superior, or fluid memory, as that presence within and as me as life. How could I be so blind, and why was I not taught this from the beginning? 

In all this is why knowing one’s words is so important, as words are a means of calling things out by name, and placing the math in synch with reality. Only practicing words in a closed context, as the vocal and non-direct application in real living space, as building relationships of words into practical reality, is a one sided practice.  One must practice spelling the word, and practice generating the sound, and practice a relationship with the word directly with reality- something that cannot be done in school alone, or learned via the media alone, one must, as the self, just like practicing the violin, or a sport, actually practice the sounds, to build, or retain, a natural spatial ability to reality in relation to what one generates as the words that reflect relationships in this world, as words are never the real thing, they are a muse, so-to-speak. 

This also is the practice of building a relationship with what is here, understanding one’s own resonance- which can change, and doing the math of reality, the systems and one another.  No one can do this but the self. In another way, it is to say that the real means without, is to go within. It is to say that humans are the perfect machines to ‘ do the math’ of existence in real time. Being this real focus in real time instead of a mind consciousness of separation. The place of most happiness, because humans are happy when they are capable of real focus,  and unhappy when they are lost in a dissonant resonance, that is not effective in substantive self direction, is being focused here.  When our neighbor is self directive in practical real time, it helps us, as the body of the overall machine, must synchronize to life, the physical. 

Enjoy and practice the smallest of things, as they are the means to understand the larger forms as the physical around us. Learn to spell and speak you words, build direct relationships with the words, to living reality, understand how the body resonates a math of one’s exposure, opportunity and belief systems.  Breathe, slow down, write it out, and call things out by name, forgive yourself to the small, the practical, the here, build a lasting relationship to this reality. The tools are here, to help, yet no one can do this for the self but the self. The way out is to rebuild the within.  We are the perfect machines to be and do this. Blame is really a resistance to change.  In another way, blame is a form of revenge for one’s resonant seed of information, or ego. It is the self showing the self, where one is not being responsible and/or how we inform ourselves. Thus, my blame, is myself not standing as solution or self actualization. I must look to the small, the singular event that was a repeated action, that created a time-line, that rolled up into a resonant seed and came to manifest as a seeming ' dissonance' to reality around me, as the interactive relationships to all things around me. No one can correct this humpty-dumpty scattered and fractionalized  resonant-in-the-cells-event horizon I allowed to become seeded in myself but me. I would have it no other way, as this is an opportunity to become equal and one to who and what I am, the potential of me, as life.

There is, although seemingly counter because of a resonance unacknowledged, GREAT JOY in mastering the small.  It is the means of self empowerment and the full engagement of all the senses, it is the inherent potential of the human being. It is right in front of us. It is time to take this back, to remember this to ourselves. The way out, is the way in. 

Day 669the presence of a wall of memories; the effort to speak as a child.

What is a wall?

I woke up this morning with this word in  my head. I realize the sense of a ‘ wall’ around me is my own making. It only defines me if I accept and allow it.

I also heard a statement about the nature of Astrological signs this week. The woman said that water signs tend to be boundless. Funnily enough, in the group, the water signs were all on the edges of the group, where they could escape, remaining on the borders. 

Being of such a nature means that one can absorb everything and yet not be bound by it unless accepted and allowed, since one can change beliefs, opinions and ideas held within one, meaning one is not bound by such. And yet, this is a means to an end, meaning that one can understand something and let it go and change. One can expand perspective, learn and become more aware. Yet if the starting point is one of believing that one can be bound, and has a character of being boundless, then one is reacting to form, as belief, opinion and idea.

So the statement that one is boundless means that that quality of making the choice to be boundless is the same quality that can understand something for a moment and transform. Because the idea of being boundless means one is constantly transforming, as in rejecting and accepting what one chooses to believe, especially on a physical planet where it takes practical. measurable steps to get things done. If things are done in practical ways then what is real is right in front of us. When I am acting boundless, I am rejecting what is here, fearing to address it, fearing to call it by name and accepting the quality of it, and interacting with it in practical common sense ways.

Hence resistances are my own wall. My physical body tenses to resist what I believe will cause me harm. Because this belief is a measure within me, as an idea, it is myself in separation from being present in what enables me to live , and that is the physical world around me.

I have accepted a wall of belief, and that wall of belief becomes what binds me in limited ways. 

I recently had a memory come up of myself pushing myself to talk as a child. The memory is like an emotional veil. 

It was such an effort to do this, as though I was clenching myself within myself to ex-press the words I was playing with as sound. The anxiety behind this was great. Such a huge effort it seemed. 

Within the memory,  is the perspective of this, meaning the whole focus of myself was on moving myself within myself. My presence, like my eyes, were focused on this movement within me.

A memory can therefor me, a measure, a movement, a tiny slice of time and space. And each memory is like a different measure of movement, like currents in an ocean; some move slow because they are of such a simple movement within me, and others are fast moving, cluttered with debris as zip filed thoughts that are of belief, opinion and idea creating a story of justification for what has been created within that moves one, defines one, and ultimately separates one from being focused and present. In a way, it is a tying of all of this together, where one walks backwards, so to speak, through all of this and begins to see what was constructed with what builds memories within and a perspective of seeing not only this memorized within, and also, in tandem with, what is without as what is the real physical world that was there, that we each were within, become culture and language built personalities that became larger than life.

Who am I within what I accept and allow as beliefs, opinions and ideas? Since what is within is constructed, because it was not there when I was born, or until what seeds were planted as such states of being as the adults around me imbedded as measures of perspective within my DNA,  resonant because they are a form, a memory that can zip file information, what was I before all of this, even as the adults of my exposure and imitation,  around me walking in bubbles of a within made larger than life?

Measurable and math mathematically, this means I am built of what I am exposed to. This means that what is within me, must be equal in measure to seeing directly what is without that is me. This means that in the order of real living, my within must be cross referenced to what is without. This means that real trust, the trust of life, the acceptance of life, must be to realize equality and oneness to the physical. This is accepting everything as life, as creation.

This means that there is only here. 

I ask myself why there was so much anxiety attached in this memory to moving my body in such a way to be able to start speaking words? Was it that I only had words within a context of the beliefs, opinions and ideas of the humans standing within my environment? Was it that what I imitated was a different world than the world around me? Was it that I feared becoming this paranormal activity? Probably.

I notice in my chest, a movement that is not whole, and instead it is more like a hole, where what moves within this, is not sound, instead it feels like it pours out a racing thing, a film thing. I can answer it more, perhaps if I look at this from another angle. It is like it fears taking in other forms. and the consequence is that it is ‘ of an effort’ to change outside of pictures and ideas within and as me. I notice that in some instances taking in information about ‘ finances on the world stage’ is a genre/formation/structure that I have great difficulty with. I have to in these instances really slow down and assess the information as though it is so foreign to me. I tell myself that it is  a measure, a form that can be understood with continued assessment. The contrast of this change to assess this form, as the financial part of the present system,  exists in contrast to what races within my heart/chest that is like a thing as a measure as a form, that resists changing itself.  And yet, this is where I notice at times I can reform myself within understanding others areas of living, as in assessing how to organize some spatial thing in my direct world, my home- for example.

The anxiety comes up in some things my mind projects as words, as statements, such as; I can’t see that,” or “ I can’t grasp that,’ “ must get this”.

There is a sense that I really do not see the consequences of what I am doing. I am only imitating the world around me as trying to fit into what exists be it good or bad, right or wrong, and yet there is a thread of dread in some respects as though this short circuits the physical as me.

I can feel the anxiety of speaking within this, accumulating in my solar plexus, and then moving into my chest to flow out in a way that is of information that does not tell the whole story. It skims the surface.  When I become more ‘ boundless’ I notice that I am being change, and within this, the absence of anxiety happens, as less accumulates within my solar plexus, as I am busy assessing more than what is within me, I am slowing down and also sensing form and function of what is here. The red flag being when the information that is me, has to change and there is resistance because that information is not congruent with being present and here.

As a musician, I always has this sense that words were do limited, so one-dimensional. They moved too slowly to really have a presence in wholeness. Music seemed so much more a means of expressing a greater measure in a moment. And yet, words were sound too. Seeming contradiction.   One of the designs of our present system is that it does not allow for the time it takes to investigate. Yet is we are racing as a within that is not equal to what is without, we lose an innate ability to assess and understand form and structure around us, and hence we build a structure within that is in a relationship with limitation instead of complete understanding. This becomes what so many have accepted and allowed, which is a personality that has no real responsibility. And that is a crime against one’s self, a crime against life. No wonder so many are standing up and speaking about what is unacceptable in this world, and which is not placed on the mainstream media, because what is being expressed that is unacceptable, does not fit into the limitation that supports the limitation as one’s acceptance and allowances within one’s personification that is a metaphysical inner construct as one’s memory. 

I will do some self forgiveness in relation to the anxiety I felt as this memory, about speaking words, using this physical body to speak words using what I imitated around me, that caused a suppression that manifested as emotions accumulating in my solar plexus, and being formed into words that did not tell the whole story and therefor lacked a wholeness within my chest area.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that speaking words was an extra-ordinary effort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that speaking words was a huge effort

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get so caught in speaking words that I did not notice the effects of this on my physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was a child, attempting to behave as the adults in my world around me, and that to do this, I had to speak words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel very exhausted within summoning all of myself to move my physical body into speaking words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as speaking words, and becoming at the same time exhausted within and as doing this, that I did not assess what I had done, as I simply accepted this without investigating what the consequence of this was within and as me.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I became so focused on the words and the effort to speak words that being aware of anything outside of that was ignored.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what my physical body as myself was doing was learning something new, placing into practice as me, some new formation of what I as a physical form could be and do,  that my focus on that and the praise I received for this,  distracted me from what I existed as before, that was what reformed to speak words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that in being able to speak words I was somehow more that what I was in contrast to before being able to speak words as the only value I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is okay to enjoy speaking as in participating in some means of expression as speaking words, yet not to make this a more than, a greater value, something to be proud of as in an end game value  to define who and what I am, where realizing that this change and self expression with the physical is movement and living, and that this is ongoing, meaning it is being present, participating in creation in expression, as this is eternal and cannot be lost.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I find myself accumulating emotional bodies within and as my solar plexus, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand where I am resisting investigating measure and form around me, as this is information that is not what I have accepted and allowed as a belief, as a measure within and as me. hence I slow down and I change within and as me, what I have accepted and allowed and the means of this, to reform through assessment and evaluation and realize that I can express this movement into considering all things, my own acceptances and allowances and what is without structurally, until I realize a form that is whole, as in directive into expanding awareness so my within can be equal and focused without, stable, grounded and at ease, as this is the absence of emotions and feelings of lack, comparison, resistance in competition of aggrandizing my within as ideas, beliefs and opinions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have thoughts such as “ this is too hard’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have thoughts such as “ I can’t do this,’ or “ I can’t grasp this,” or “ must get this.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not matching the words of another.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding the fun of this, over all, as speaking words and moving my physical body  as the means of expression which is fun and means that I am the director of what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the sounds that I emit, to fear making sounds, in fear of making a mistake, when learning means that one must attempt formation, and that means becoming equal in measure to something, which takes time and involves making mistakes, as this is the way and the means of realizing where I am not in total understanding of something, as this is by nature a process.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the thoughts and the emotional veils of memory from my past and the reactions I had within that memory, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that that which builds is that which can reform and move into transforming who and what I am here, surrounded by creation as the physical, and within the construct of separation as the present system, and myself as a personality composed of limited measures in separation from being grounded and whole, equal and one to all life, which includes that physical as this is what is here before a mind consciousness was accepted and allowed to be bigger than life itself.

When and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that the past as memory is no longer what I am here, and that the means to building my memory, as my experience, within the present system is the means of change, the means of slowing down, assessing and investigating what is here, to see, realize and understand what is best for all, as this is best for myself.

When and as I find myself tensing up and/or feeling anxious,  I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess, investigate, evaluate, my within mind consciousness and the without as the physical world that is at the moment influenced by the limited measure accepted and allowed my myself,  and I follow through in practical application what accepted and allowed judgements as lacks within and as me that I believed protected and defended my accepted separation from respecting all life as me, here, and I ground myself through forgiving my own beliefs, opinions and ideas, based on a past where I followed and imitated my without, absent consideration of all things, as I accepted and allowed self interest before respect for all things.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I become equal and one as the living word here, to ground my within, in and as my chest area to speaking in wholeness in what is in consideration of all things, as the physical as this is life information, here.

When and as I find myself skimming the surface of reality and the measure of accepted and allowed limited beliefs, opinions and ideas to define me as my within, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am possible as who and what I am, life, here.

When and as I sense  a wall around and as me, as a sense of resistance to what is here around me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that the real “ wall’ is the all, of and as me as us, as we, here, as the physical, and I assess and investigate my within and the without, until my personified wall of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as memories, as experiences, as data, as measure, are self forgiven in equality and oneness with and as the physical here, becoming a living word that is in tandem with life, as being the consideration of all things, taking that which is good and does no harm, to plant a seed of information equal and one to and as life, here.

Day 545 The Spin

The Spin

I went to this conference and this woman explained this system. She spoke for quite some time. But she said very little. It was like a deja vu in words, so to speak. Like there were phrases that one could make one statement, but instead went round and round as a follow through that was a repetition of the first phrase that used some different words but was the same thing. Again and again.

While she was talking, I listened, because I am practicing listening to another all the way without doing anything else but listening. I became very restless, squeamish. It was like I wanted to scream. I remember being this way as a child in a classroom. But I could not explain why.

Later as I looked back at this, it hit me how words are sound, how we are a sound movement, and  that when we are using our words to describe, as this woman did, that when words are energy, they are describing very little dimension, so they have no real volume. As such, words can fill the space, speak the same limitation again and again, and the limitation can be a lack of placing what the words describe into a context that sees the whole, that aligns with the whole, so the words and what they describe are not good or bad, but limited and lacking context in totality.

The positive and negative charge, as reactions, can be within a bubble as this when one wants to clarify within the limitation as the words of another because one can become lost in the spin of the limitation. Here it is to see the whole of what someone is saying and giving it perspective - as in standing back and remembering the context, as in what a schools and teaching is about, as in building a child that can become an effective adult. But, if this is not taught as a movement from the beginning, this is not the practice of men. The absence of which, if allowed to accumulate, would build conflict instead of resolution between men. As we can see, the state of being of men as a whole, is not aligned to the contest of the whole. The consequence is perpetual conflict. So, those who “ win” simply use the consequential conflict in self interest. If we understood that much, each of us would have done the same. This is why there is only self forgiveness, and forgiveness for all the limiting forces caught in this spin as each level caught in limited measure as the system around us imposed on the biggest part of the whole, the physical world that is life information.

I have been standing up and speaking with people, and at times I get restless, like I am rushing within, and at the same time, trying to be aware of what I am doing, how I am responding, how I am reacting. I have allowed myself to hold onto a goal, and raced with this. But in so doing, I conceptually missed the measure of another within the total insight as to what they were as a measure of expression.

Within and as this I lost the ability to conceptualize within the parts and the whole. I was too busy spinning around wanting to justify, to give justice to what I had to say, and in so doing began to race against space and time information conceptually. And within this, I mean being aware of where I was, who I was, what was moving as the world around me.

I mean , this can happen in music, where one is performing with others who have different parts. If the measure of each part is not hearing the other, there is no alignment happening within the piece, if there is a “ technical understanding” with each performer on each part and everything is aligned, the piece ends up being either chaos, or like different voices that are not aware of one another. When each is aware of the other, they are aware of the physical space and the moving parts, and can move as one, together. So, if there is a mis-step, all align within it. There is also the dimension of bringing one part forward and another becoming quiet, because music can be moving in many different ways, and the awareness of this as a whole can create the total form of the musical piece. And, lol, one can get to the point where one realizes the piece one is playing is really flat, as in not having much interplay or dimension use. It is interesting that in educational research, children who study music have a greater conceptual ability, and often are hired as managers because of this. Overall, this tells us how as humans we are able to see space and time, and we are able to read the movement of the world around us, as though we are the perfect machines/organic robots to do so. But this begs the question as to why there are any children who lack this innate capacity as what we are, and within this lack, exist as behaviors that are in essence destructive to this natural ability to be self directive in ways that do no harm? Such allowance is a crime against life.

If I am raging within ideas, as mind, I am not in common sense of here. I become a thin volume repeated again and again. I have to with every breath become the context of here, as physical reality, to see the spin as mind of another, who is not saying anything bad or good, just magnified within and on the context of physical space and time which in total is the sound of here as life, as this is the only place life could be information, living and breathing.

And, because, here withstands the test of the spin as the mind - which must repeat itself endlessly to survive because it has no real equality to life information contextually, I need not fear not understanding something because the spin of the mind is repetitive and as such there is eternity to grasp its limitation and to bring this back into balance with the physical. lol

So, in essence, there is no place to fall but here, no matter the emotional storm spinning around as mind, here. But, if I have one moment of wanting to win, or one moment of getting off kilter, I lose the capacity to realign and balance out within and as equality with the whole as the physical being life in sound motion, with myself as sound mind. Sound motion, is gentle and forgiving as it is building life, so to speak.

So, it is like to slow down to speed up, to stop the spin of the mind existent as a measure of judgement, and to become practical, the practice of remaining here, within the context, of the physical life information, the cutting edge of creation, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something to win, as i am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dis-regard life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to shame myself with stories as mind, and allowing and accepting myself to make this more real than the life around me as the physical, not seeing realizing and understanding that in my separation from life, I seek life, and it is here, cradling me with every breath, right under my feet.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that physically, as I allow myself to race forward as idea as mind, I create a friction, like a windshield in and as my chest area, that is myself racing forward in space and time as beliefs, opinions and ideas, as my heart is tied to belief, instead of equal and one, in measure of here, as the physical, in common sense of that which I ironically seek, which is life information, that is here with every breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear falling, and to not slow down within and as this, to see, realize and understand that this falling is a sensation within and as my mind, that is at times like a deceleration, in no longer allowing myself to exist as a fantasy in and as the mind, where the measure as an idea may not be good or bad, but is in separation from being equal to the physical, here, and that within this, when there is friction and conflict, it is to slow down and realize that the measure of separation is a limitation that speaks its separation again and again, like a deja vu, and as such is a gift exposing separation and can be brought back to here and placed into the context of the whole as the physical cutting edge of and as creation as life information.  Thus, when and as I react as an emotion of feelings based on idea as mind where the good projection hides the judgement of a bad, as overall what i am defining myself in and as, and because of am not stable and constant, gentle and humble, self directive and self responsible in ways that balance out conflict and friction, I am in effect, not equal and one to and with, and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to race against space and time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I become reactive, I am in conflict with life, as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the “ smoke and mirrors “ show of the mind, as limitations that are not good or bad, but as limitations if carried out in deed can cause harm to physical reality, can become the directive of me, within and as the point of life information as a human being here, only if I accept and allow this, thus as this I am responsible for what I accept and allow with and as every breath, here.

i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that only as, as the point i am here, as a physical manifestation in and as life, can be the directive that is equal and one with the physical information of life, that is all around me, in every moment, and that within this the irony is that i am never alone, because I as life information as a physical entity, am all one, and thus, as mind, I am the creator of the spin of my separation from and as life, as I have accepted and allowed the construct of myself as mind, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the separation from life, as how mankind has lived has been going on for generations, and as such the separation “ measure” is imbedded within our DNA, as this is the imprint of our actions, which science is now measuring as it is realized that memories are carried through generations of men, which is a tradition understood in the words passed down from each subsequent generation as, “ the sins of the fathers” thus the measure of our separation must be forgiven and that within this there is no one to blame because blaming the dead, is not a solution, and the dead cannot be punished because they are dead. lol

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this separation, because it is intergenerational and carried within the physical, and continued through acceptance and allowance as the behavior of each of us, as points on the ground of what holds this separation within, manifest as thought and word, carried into deeds that are the consequence of each individual acceptance and allowance, and the collective generational acceptance and allowance,  that this has accumulated into a system design without as the present system, as it reflects the within separation of men, and as such must be realized as a reflection of the same separation within, as the starting point, thus, it is also to realize that the debt accumulation as the present fiat system of money, is one and as the same movement as what each is allowing and accepting within as the expression of ourselves into a lesser volume of life, that is energy spinning around and consuming the flesh of ourselves as we separate from life, instead of standing one and equal to and with the sound of life as the physical, to become what we are in equal measure to be able to walk through the eye of the needle which is the physical, and as such to become equal and one, to that what we seek, to and as life, here.

When and as I find myself moving within as any measure of restlessness, or squeamishness, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I listen to the repetitive words as an energetic expression having no real volume in equal measure to the physical, as being the answer, the solution in the nature of its repetition, and I move into and as solution, within and as aligning/directing into the context of the whole, as consideration, as best as I am able because I have not been taught/ have not accepted and allowed life,  to be this which is no one’s “ default” but my own, and I use the principle of what is best for all, as being the consideration of the physical, which is the cutting edge of creation, which is what allows me to be an expression of life, here, and I use practical common sense to place a limitation - within and without- into and as the context of life, here.

When and as I find myself generating restlessness, as friction and conflict within and as me, I stop and i breath and I slow myself down, and I practice removing myself from the spin of the mind, as beliefs, opinions and ideas that I forgive myself for in the moment, and I stop the racing of my heart in relation to mind, and I bring myself here, to become of and as sound mind, equal and one with the sound movement of the physical, as that which is sound, meaning stable and constant and as such is what allows the physical form and function of life, that has remained constant because it stands in all its transformation, as that which withstands the test of time, here, and as this I slowly begin to circulate with and as life, as the physical, here.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain within and as listening to another, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I speak only when I can place a limitation within the context of the whole, without any expectation of gain, or fear of loss, because it is only when I am equal to the measure of here, as life , as the physical can I become, in thought, word and deed, the living word, in and as what is best for all, as what is best for all, is best for self, here.

           As Within, So Without. DIP Lite. FREE Process Life.

                                                               Eqafe.com

Day 502 What is paranormal?

What is the Paranormal?

I remember walking around in New York City and looking at people’s backs. I remember this sense that there was something there, inside. I have two specific memories. One is of myself walking towards home from having done street performing. I am on a corner of eighth street and I stop and think, what is in that person’s back.

Around this time as well, I encountered a demon. But the event did not match, and yet did match, everything i had been told, as knowledge and information only about demons. I am not going to tell the whole story because I have told it before. What I saw before the behavior of a demon, was a man. It was like a split second before the demon anger came. By this time, it was too late, I had seen the man behind the curtain of emotion, lol, like seeing the paranormal world before it projected excessive emotional reactions as what we have been lead to believe a demon is. What was very clear to me, was that this man could not touch me, no way, unless I allowed it.

But, the problem with all of this, is that this is a separation from here. None of this is equality with life, with here. It is all the behaviors of separation, it is all paranormal, it is a separation from what is constant, what is eternal, what is normal. What is normal is here, equality and oneness with and as the physical. This is to say, that were there a “ god” he has to be here, right here, moving equal and one with the physical world, in balance with here, this is normality, because it is in being normal, here, that one moves and directs as a physical being, the physical being the formation of life into creation. Thus, life can only exist here. The physical is life. That other existence, as demons, had to equalize to here, to the physical. And this has been done. So, the process of equalization to physical reality is the only solution, and yet the rewards are great, if we humans decide to realize inequality does not work.

On the economic front, I notice in looking at the history of countries , is that there is a point where that country was taking care of itself nationally. Then our so-called economics came in and things started to fall apart. This was with the advent of a GDP, which was also when some sort of - usually American backed- committee - economic or under the guise of democratic or economic development  ( both susceptible to ambiguity ) was formed measuring only international resource movement via money. Here, all measure was about turning the wealth of the country into exports. Domestically, workers lost a living wage, and austerity set in. Inflation came about and then more committees came, using more of what caused the problem in the first place. What is being ignored, is life as the physical means of creating value, which is the labor and the environment. And thus, this begins to exist in a state of neglect, and a state of neglect is purposely created to force more of what causes the problem in the first place. And then some say this is the way it is. Which makes no sense, because at some point these countries I have looked at did live a very high degree of self sustainability, And Syria is one of them. Thus, what is happening in Syria is an constructed imbalance for personal gain. It is a crime against life.

One thing Allende in Chile did was subtract all detriment in lack of care when nationalization transpired. Which, ended up negating any compensation to a supposed  owner. In so many ways, this must be done on earth, because the present system of inequality has caused so much harm to earth, we will be lucky is we can balance out what we are doing in ways that do no harm, that take that which is good and order the disorder we have allowed in believing that someone who moves digits and letters around on a piece of paper is more than someone who moves seeds and water around on the ground. One is not more than another, they are the same, they are a human  ordering and realizing how the physical world works, and building new structures and ways of physical existence that bring efficiency and new standards of physical being. A Living Income guarantee will allow the innate ability of men to be fluid. This is the real nature of the human, to organize and self discover to understand physical creation, as the physical is the manifestation of creation. The paranormal, is the mind consciousness system, or a cognitive map, that is believed to be more than reality, when it is just a map, to reference, and as such must, with every breath, cross reference physical reality. Which, to add, is why a system of representation that is so separated from the ground and yet allowed to make decisions with very little communication exists, because open communication brings in all factors, and as such does not allow a division into inequality.

So, what is in our backs? It is the accumulation of our inequality to life, it is the weight of our separation from life, it is our accumulated values of limitation where a self interested gain pushes away the bad which is what was ignored, to grasp that gain in a belief that it creates a more than, when it is in fact life in reverse. We see this every day, we see this in the constant self validation as the stories people tell of what they have done, as their experiences, which is really a cry of guilt and a maintenance of holding onto a separation from self as life, consuming and weighing down the physical body. In the back, it looks like this heavy stiffening thick thing. This is the real monster in existence, this is the real demon and it is the cause of the geopolitical and economic structures that move all that is freely given for self discovery into what allows accumulation of value/wealth in self interest.

The problem is that we all see it. We choose to ignore it. Which is an abdication of life, and abuses the animals and the plants and the soils. Our system reacts to the problem outflows, instead of addressing the problem, taking the problem into solution, to then become the reward of life. We can no longer move as problem reaction solution, because a solution to a reaction is a quick fix and not a solution addressing the problem. Because of this, no solution has been found, only quick little media bites telling a partial story, which is just more of the same.

We have technological programs that allow imput from all dimensions of existence, to ensure that what we do respects and cares for physical creation, as the physical is creation,  we need only forgive out separation and realize within this that all that will happen is that we will fall to the physical ground. For this we must implement a structure that is one vote per person on all decisions, to educate the human back into equality and oneness in direct seeing and understanding with self as life as physical existential awareness and  become the sound as the voice as the manifestation of a democracy. For this, our natural resources must be nationalized, as they are freely given as the physical to support the physical.

Stand up and support a Living Income Guarantee. Time to balance ourselves within. Walk self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, to equalize one self, to life. Become a normal actual living being. It is the gateway to life.