Looking at the word " sharing ' Day 788

Sharing,

 redefining the word sharing.

Show air, open up the form, bring it forward to rebalance within principle of and as what is best for all.  The principle of oneness and equality, into what respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This being a state of ease, of reciprocity, doing the math, moving in accord of an expression of creation.  This being, from my perspective, a presence in synch with a knowing that is  a state of certainty. It is a form of not telling a lie. It is a form of what is more eternal,  it is a state that no one can take away.  It is living potential with a steady absolute purpose- the only place where the absolute stands,  as in that word - absolute- one is living the realization of  ab/a-way solve, or a-way son/sun,  a way of creation/expansion.  The prefix ‘ ab’ means away, so as a movement, absolutely - ute, can be to always give/send away the solution, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions. Some take patience to resolve, yet, just as in sailing a large boat, one holds, the balance.  I notice that when I have not found that steady solution,  I become loopy, like children that cannot hold a word, as there are too many emotional triggers erupting from experiences from a past of wanting to survive in an environment.  When I cannot remain in what is actually more natural, I become loopy, I am within a state of not being able to structure a correction that I can apply with greater ease. Interesting how words can narrow a focus, and lend structure, to then bring forward clarifying forms that allow one to ground one’s self  into the small movements that are the means to the end as practical actions.  The ideas, beliefs and opinions, no longer predominant on the horizon,  distracting one from applicative actions in real time.  Paranormal activity, is but the use of limited information that then uses ad hominem and hyperbole to fill the spatial lack, which in itself creates that same distractive business. It is what I recently read, as that movement of using only 10 percent of one’s presence into a limited construct of information- lol, it is like living in a hot air balloon .  It is not the ‘ air ‘ as the space of what is here all around us, as the physical.  

Thus, the word ‘ sharing ‘ is the ring, as the reverberation, of airing, as focusing here, as airing what is here in the context of respecting all things, as no longer projecting a limited construct from within,  and opening one’s self up to realize the ring, as in ringing, as in the sound, of life, always present and always right here in plain sight. As I live in the moment, here, where the practical is lived because this is where one directs, as nothing was ever done within thinking about it.  

Thus, the word sharing, is to embrace my own accepted and allowed limitation, the consequential inflated and protective value judgements, and the practical, as the action of respecting what is here in this moment, to balance the focus of myself, within what brings ease, as a state of knowing, that then expresses what practical small and simple movement, is the means towards what  ‘ rings ‘ true, as what opens a greater ability to remain present in this reality, this physical and practical living reality that is always around me, composed by and of, the potential to realize  what is best for all. 

When I am in fear, which is being inferior to life, which is self interest, as separation from the realization that I am equal in substance to all things, as all things are eye in another life. I move into comparison, imagining worst case scenarios,  fearing an imaginative loss, forgetting to respect all things, allowing a limited ideological resonant belief to define who and what I am, via a mis-use of the imagination, and comparison, always a form of projection with values judgements,  that i attach to objects from the world around me.  In this I am not living solutions, with a sense of giving, as the realization in fact that what is here is me in another life. 

Thus, sharing, is listening to what is here, in the moment, placing it in the context of all things here, as respecting and realizing who and what I am as a physical form, on a physical infinite planet, and doing a math, as assessing this reality, to realize solutions, as opening up the space, to make the only choice, which is the choice that is best for me, is to consider all things, taking that which is good as what does no harm. This opens focus onto the form and function of here, through the realization of a limited focus on a self interested system of values that is a mind consciousness  system, back into what is more natural and can process living reality,  as the self as life that is always here, and need only be embraced. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within and as living principle, I realize greater respect of all things, and within that I see further.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into comparison, in a bubble, within limited constructs of information, colored with value judgements, at myself in fear of loss, which is an idea, and not myself being present, as I am allowing distractions of and as value judgements, and not focused here, in respect of all things here, as who and what i am in totality, that is what allows me to exist in expression as life, here, as life is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have a pain, in my physical body, it is a constriction, a suppression, a lack of real processing,  of and as focusing here, airing out, as opening up,  beliefs, opinions and ideas, polarized and colored with value judgements, as what i accept as a list---ening of myself as order, as form, as energy, and not myself paling myself here in this living reality, to respect all things, and reciprocate reality, the living reality, as this physical existence, where if I look around, all things are a composition of and as what is here, and all things are the consequence of the hands of many, as the haptic actions, where we are happy when we are focused and unhappy when we are not.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I become anxious, I am not processing reality, as respecting all things, taking that which is good and does no harm, I am not being present, presenting what is here, grounding in what I am as a physical manifestation, realizing where i am projecting value judgements, which is myself allowing inferiority, as I am in fear and as a distraction, not in a consideration of all things, opening up to life, to what is real, airing out the space of my own dis-empowerment, as self interest, to see , realize and understand all of me, to embrace all things, and make the choice that is the only choice, as to respect all that is me, that is all around me here. 

I forgive myself for projecting a lack, onto objects around me, imagining worse case scenarios, as threats, that are a metaphysical self interested math/action/projection composed of energy, which s a red flag for my own acceptance of fear, a busyness, that is limiting, and not being a directive principle of and as showing a sharing as airing out limited beliefs, to open up and enable myself to embrace all of me, as the life that tis me, that is all around me, as having enough information, to self realize self as life here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that unbalanced limited dimensions of an accepted focus, composed of making polarized value judgements that have a quality of and as my actions as projecting onto objects that which I have rejected of and as my self as life, as my capacity to problem solve, to realize limitations, and to embrace myself as life, holding what is a directive principle in and as forgiving myself as life, as that realization that there are no problems and only solutions, here, as it is here, that the practical application is the means to the end. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare, to move into a comparison, that is a resonant emotional projected body, of and as a fear, where within the  storied enflamed value judgements, are the expression of fear, as a fear of loss, and not myself embracing life, as me, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the shadow world, composed of storied memories of and as ideas, of loss, ideas of failure, as the only thing upon which I focus, to realize this, forgive, and to redirect, within a directive principle, to realize applications that take that which is good and respects all things, which is to hold what can withstand the test of time, as to move as a process of elimination, as to realize side effects, where  the airing of reality does not move forward, as the unfolding of and as real presence, that is a process of dis-covering self as life that has always been right here, to realize in thought word and deed that which is best for all and as such,  aires out and grounds real presence and respect of life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to mis-use compassion, in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat, that when and as i share, and revelations are realized, even in lending practical and simple actions, that self empower , there is back chat that i am not enough, from my past, where I focus on lack, instead of directive actions in moments, realizing self discovery,   enjoying this,  no longer fearing to move into the unknown as the known, is always here, as everything is known. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the simple, as it is within the simple that the ordinary is lived that moves into greater awareness, as even within playing the violin, the simple was cross referenced, as allowing the simple to automate, was allowing a state of forgetfulness, as realizing the smallest of actions, were the means to the end, and that the small could be so well mastered that one could cross reference this in a split second, as that very state of understanding as awareness can be a construct of mis-information that becomes hyperbolized as protected because it is of self interest and thus inequality to this living physical reality, that ends up, as a construct of separation, running away with the self into separation and a loss of self mastery, thus the simple must be mastered, with clarity, and always cross referenced, which is supportive and feels good, as the simple is the means to the end, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush to believe there is a place to rush to, when life is here, and to realize within this that a sense of rushing manifests as slower processing,  as it is self emotionally charged and not grounded here, where one lives the practical and the simple, in the moment,  to be in respect of all things, as the practical that builds the life that is me here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as i move into a sense of inferiority, there must be the opposite of a desire for superiority, which is myself moving into comparison, into competition, and not myself being present in common sense, as practical application within the principle of equality and oneness, which is being a living respect of all things, as all things are the same as me, as life in expression in another life here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry, as nothing, even if I am ‘ right’ was ever resolved with anger, as anger is a state of blame, which is a  state of fear, which is a state of fearing to take self responsibility, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want short cuts, to have an idea the something should be easy, which is following an idea, instead of walking the practical applications with in a directive principle of and as realizing that the value is life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that things are impossible, when creation is here, as me, all around me, here, living practical applications that in essence are a directive principle of and as taking that which is good and does no harm here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to protect myself,  within an idea, that there are threats around me,  which is to, again, project an idea of loss, as though something can be lost, which then creates as the opposite an idea of gain, when in practical reality there is nothing to lose, and nothing to gain, as I am life here, a life that is physical and practical, as common sense is and does, which is living in thought word and deed, as allowing life here, airing life here, as bringing life forward, as simply allowing life, as a focus on as respect of, the physical reality, in plain sight here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this physical manifestation of and as energy that is like a dagger, or an arrow, of energy, from a vertebrae in my upper back, that is like this grasping form, like it has claws that appear to be unreleasable, that is my past, where I am also feeling like a child, caught in a coffin, or a web, where I cannot process the information, and have already lost myself in a construct that I can no longer see the boundaries of and as, and within this storm, I am clawing and scratching, looking for a way out, not being able to process the movements, wanting to attack, and not wanting to attack as though on some level, I understand this is not solution and yet, this is the information that is me that I have to work with, that I have accepted ,  where I am in a fury of not wanting to accept the unacceptable and yet, cannot see the resolutions around me as I am lost in a storm of value judgements, this manifesting as this point in my upper back, just above the heart, as though this is a new point opening up, where the pain is most intense, a cycle, or sequence I have lived within this process of birthing life here,  to realize this is like a projecting weapon, as a reaction, of and as anger, as fear, where there are objects of and as to place this fear, which is that past, of an as a construct of and as a belief that there tis no way out, and yet, a part of me, will never give up, as though I existed within limitation, moving as that lack, was unacceptable, and in ways, it is moving in complete frustration,  which is fear, and reaction, where the way out, was greater understanding, as having enough information, as dis-covering a natural ability to understand the practical, here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand a movement into victimhood, as self pity, that is like a mask around my eyes, pulling down presence, as looking directly here, into believing a math of and as self pity, that is that vein of a belief, in the impossible, that then manifests as such as the words “ i tried’ or ‘ I did my best’ or,  a sense that this storm is ‘ too muchness’ when all of this is an illusion and myself caught in a belief system that is a distraction form what is natural, as being present equal and one to all life that is here all around me as the physical reality, here, where all things are myself in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe this sense of what could be called righteousness, as a sense of this is so real, so true, so needing of revenge, when I have walked this path and realize that this is not being solution, and to realize that because of accepted and allowed beliefs, this state of separation, that has a quality of protection and defense, as blame and spite, is habituated, and as a set body of resonant  limited information, that need not define who and what I am here, as I can breath, slow down, and ground myself here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand tat this inherent conflict is also a form of self hate,  as myself hating myself to not seeing realizing and understanding the accepted web of limitation, chosen in a desire to survive, this in itself a mis-take on reality, which means the only choice os to forgive this consequential anger/anchor into a limited belief system, of polarized value judgements of and as the end game of good and evil, that is a separation from commons sense as respect of all things as the physical reality that is creation manifest, as the substance of and as taking that which is good and does no harm, to move with and as the natural law, of respect for all things, realizing a balance that lends expansion here. 

Coupled with this word “ sharing’ is the word ‘ meaning.’  Thus, I will continue with the word ‘ meaning ‘ Thank you for reading here. 

When and as I find myself moving into protection and defense, I stop and i breath, and I assess my own reactions , I slow down and realize the means of this separation , as thoughts , words and imaginations, of and as what composes separation, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, of and as blame and spite, resistance and rejection, thus, I forgive, I stop, I use words I have defined, such as calm, as presence, as steadiness, and I move , as transform my self definition, and realize, that just as in slang a large boat, or in skiing down a hill, or in taking a life saving skills swimming test, or in performing, like a horse running across a field with purpose, directed, able to hold a steady rhythm, remain balanced, and moving in respect of all things, with ease, there is a great power within this, and this fine line is always here, and that i have experienced this, in performing, being equal to the sounds around me, balancing out, pulling on strings, remaining steady, within a form, where that focus, the presence, in respect of all things around me, within that framework, that state of steadiness can be actualized, with ease, with joy, with flow of movement, as that horse can be and do, which i have experienced in riding horses, cantering them on a beach, swimming with them in ponds, walk with them with and as state of ease, thus, is there power within that, just as I realize the sword of wanting revenge, as a storied resonant seed of mis-information, of and as energy, this need not define who and what I am, as I can breath, slow down, and uncover, being myself as life, as that power to hold not accepting the unacceptable and transform that into remaining steady here, in balance, considering all things, to become the living word, of and as being as dis-covering the life that is me here. 

In some respects, I can see where it is a fine line between becoming de-manned within righteousness, and or, slowing down and realizing a respect for creation, here. 

The solution is sharing, as showing the airing out of limitations, as accepted and allowed beliefs, opinions and ideas, to open this up, call things out by name, to disempower accepted and allowed limitations, and to ground one's self, here, to be able to run with the wind, as the life that is physical, and that nature of creation here. 

as- KING Day 783

In working with children, I realize how much that absorbent ability, as the child, does not have boundaries. Meaning that absorbent ability takes in what is around it, and becomes it. There is no separation. Yet, this is and what would be the very nature of our natural absorbent ability! We learn to define the qualities we absorb over time and define ourselves as that, when that is really a process of clarifying what we are seeing and what we are being, as a expression in a relationship. I say relationship because I am here, on a physical planet, moving in a relationship with all that is here, composing an expression as the whole as the physical as this earth, as creation. 

I can get caught up in my review of the reflection of what I have taken in as a value within the process of defining who and what I am as a physical form on a physical planet. I can forget what iI am and take the resonant ‘ copy’ as what I absorbed as a form, and make that larger than life. Then I become a con-sciouness of separation.  Amazing how our schools are this manifest, showing ourselves to ourselves as how we are allowing informing as separation from the practical reality. And we do this with words, mis-using sound, to create more and accumulating consciousness’s of separation. An instored/in-spired/in- layered/in-storied set body of information. Can we ask ourselves why we can’t remember what we did last year? If we are following a resonant construct of limited - information,  as a set body of information, how can we be present realizing the reality around us, in ways that do not cause conflict with the physical reality? Our actions do not fit into that reality, the one we absorbed that created a picture that then, through allowance, became larger than life!  

This begs the question, as as-KING, as self reflection with regard for what and who we are as physical beings on a physical PLAN-it,  where there is a at-most-fear,  why such a thing as shaking within ourselves exists? Is it possible that the sha- KING is countering a set body of resonant information? One moves against acceptances and allowances, as a resonant construction, when one QUEST- ions with as-KING ? Meaning, when one reviews one’s reality outside of that set body of resonant belief, as limited information, where one no longer is using that natural absorbent ability that can have no boundaries, as the process of understanding this reality, that is a natural action and is how we expand and realize who and what we are here? 

Within me, I can, in this moment, sense a righteousness. Meaning, my manner of wondering why we cannot see this, is in itself colored as being righteous. As always a truth is present, yet when made larger that life, it can lead to righteousness. Which is doing the same as what I speak of, making something larger than the practical. 

I can realize how stagnant I am from my own acceptance and separation from processing what is here, from reading what is here. In so many ways, it really is to get my processing speeds moving, meaning to realize what I am allowing as what I have absorbed without principle, and at the same time, reconnecting to having a real relationship with the physical reality around me. It is to become a master of who and what I am, to ground myself in this reality, a physical reality here.

That righteousness is a form of wanting to fix things, as rebalance things. It is wanting to have things move suddenly, which is an expectation. Then, that expectation is not lived out, and a reassessment takes place, which is a process. Yet, being present in this reality, within the realization of the principle of life, as being as doing no harm, is not yet lived with that natural absorbent ability in every moment, as this is the only real choice. In this, there is realizing in every moment, wth every breath, that there are no problems and only solutions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not recognize moving into righteousness, as the colors, as the hyperbolized value judgements, rushing within me,  as an accepted and allowed practice of and as a false morality, that when and as I move against my own acceptances and allowances, I begin to shake, revealing my acceptances and allowances to myself, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move as an idea, as an expectation , instead of slowing down and breathing, cross referencing here, assessing here, investigating here, to listen to here, to as-KING here, to ensure a stable and steady balance, within regarding and respecting all things, as who and what I am here, as life, that is physical in manifestation as creation, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and realize, see, and understand every movement within and as me, as a intellectual set body of information, believed to make me superior, as a more, within a survival game, not realizing how I work as life, and rushing to win, to conquer, when I am here, inherently able to absorb the form and movement as expression of what is here as the physical, to become aware of, as myself, to define me, within relationships of all that is here,  and the balance of and as what does no harm, taking that which is good, leading to a living breathing, changing, expression of life in FORMation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move, to self direct as a set body of information, from and as a consciousness of separation instead of  moving from the heart of me, as life. 

When and as I find myself moving into conflict as resistance,/rejection/reaction, I stop and I breath, and I embrace with as-KING  to ground myself here, to assess and investigate, to balance and realize  the practical in the moment, the simple ordinary, the hum --bell expression within realizing a principle of recognizing and respecting living reality as the expression of life, composed of relationships of and as working/breathing/living in harmonious balance, that moves with ease, as there is no rush, there is here, where the value is being life. 

More interference as mind consciousness systems of separation .Day 759

“Interference theory is theory regarding human memory. Interference occurs in learning when there is an interaction between the new material and transfer effects of past learned behavior, memories or thoughts that have a negative influence in comprehending the new material. Bringing to mind old knowledge has the effect of impairing both the speed of learning and memory performance.”  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interference_theory

Last night, in the middle of the night, there was a sudden and loud banging on my front door. It took me a minute to rise and walk down the stairs. There was a policeman there telling me something had happened to my mother.

What I noticed was a lot of adrenaline bringing to move through me as I walked down the stairs. I could hear the voices in my head wanting to move into worst case scenarios, and imagining possible reasons for the visit in the middle of the night.

I said to myself, that I don’t know until I know, meaning i have to investigate what is going on a face it, instead of become emotional and follow all this interferences from that past. All this ‘ old knowledge” some of which is influenced within stories from the doom and gloom war mongering media hollywood information, as a movie is a body of information. Some was of self blame; it is amazing how we do tend to be hardest on ourselves, wondering what we did or did not do.

I remember in my thirties, after I had children, when I had to go to orchestra rehearsals and I could not hold, or retain, or remember what key I was in. This was something that had become so automatic. Meaning i glanced at the key signature and new where i was in terms of the division as the math of the notes in reading the piece. I got to the point where I was aware of the fact that if I carried some ‘ emotional’ thing with me, it would interrupt my processing of the music. I had to be clear.  

I had also been told by a master, and i have said this before, that if I focused correctly, I did not have to practice some inordinate number of hours, it could be done effectively in less time. it took me a while to get this. When I did, I realized I had to totally focus on what I was doing. If I allowed some interference, I was slowed down.

 lol, in another system, the term ‘ teachability index’ is used to describe one’s ability to process information ( which means the living space mourned us and this interference slowing down awareness in others AND the self).  In this other system, I have had people use the excuse that ‘ their teachability index was low.”  This kind of excuse is a form of blame. In music, one cannot say this. Period. We cannot say as we have to rehearse and perform “ my focus is not good today, I have some emotional thing resonant within me and it is slowing me down. Or, ‘ My speed of learning and memory performance is not at a good level today’ cannot also be said in music.  And yet, we allow this in so any other areas of our lives. When a musician cannot perform, it effects all the others in the group. IN so many ways this is a disrespect of others, and yet our society moves to pamper such behavior which is the opposite of resolution, it is the opposite of bringing one back up to speed where solutions are realized. Someone has said that depression is a form of self interest, in this regard, from the perspective of music, it is a state of disregard for others. 

In tandem with my early morning, I had a long conversation with someone early this morning. I let them talk, I let them tell the whole sequence of events as a time line of and as what they wanted to convey. At the end, and it is cool to realize that people will summarize everything that have explained once again to themselves ( and do it again and again) into a singular statement. The statement at the end of this conversation was that there person of whom they spoke was overall ‘ toxic.” 

Do we see where I am going with this? I begin with talking about a slow learning ability, and a sluggish memory processing in relation to my own movements in reaction to someone banging on my door in the middle of the night - and yes I did breathe. As I allowed a person to describe a situation, that ended with a descriptive, as the word ‘ toxic’ I realized that they were describing actions by a human being lost in emotional interference. This person was the same as me, when I realized I could not focus on the key I was in, as I had other things interfering with my focus, my presence in reality. At the time it scared me, in my thirties and I wondered how this could be happening.

Within this conversation I used the word toxic and began to describe it as best I could as an emotional firewall. I described how that emotional firewall moved in such a way that everything around that person was not their fault, and always the fault of others. It was a cry of blame, and also a cry of not being able to connect, because that resonant interference had become so big, there was no longer any ability to connect to others. At the end of the conversation, this person also noted that this person could not connect with others. Can we begin to see, how our past, composed of conversations of good and bad, righteousness and blame, spite and justification as the voices in our minds, as the mind, can consume our presence and separate us from processing what is here, in practical and effective ways? Can we realize that a mind consciousness system is not some mystical supernatural invisible thing, it is right here, it is visible in the focus of our presence, it is in the words we speak, it is in the physical movements of and as us. Do children have this heaviness, the sluggishness of this within them when they are young? ( To note, the number one killer in children is cancer before childhood accidents which has only happened in that last decade - a red flag) 

An example is, that when we become a state of comparison, ONLY seeing what another person can express, be it the courage to wear a colored scarf, and we react, and become jealous what are we NOT LEARNING? What are we NOT realizing we are existing as as a value system that is like a checklist of ‘ orders as belief’ that we are ONLY USING AS MEMORY, and thereby missing so much of the other values, or that this person with this colored scarf looks nice and that the scarf is actually FUN, and that questions what, we can also do that as there is nothing stopping us but belief. She how much an interference of judgement that is not processing the practical reality can become as a lack of real expression? 

A mind consciousness system is a system of interference as a mis-use of the imagination, it is not some big scary thing that we must fear or treat as some interrupting thing, because it is so visible! It is toxic and it is a disrespect of life, and it must be made known in every action. 

When i took apart how this person so clearly described the behaviors of this other person, and described the projections and the resistance to real living relationships that are relationships of clearly processing our memories AND using what is more natural as an ability to LEARN, it downsized the whole scenario and understanding the behaviors, to the extent that the emotional reactions about this, suddenly became much smaller. Thus, to speak up about this, in every moment, is an act of improving the use of one’s memory, AND opening up one’s natural ability to LEARN, to understand, to make simple, to realize the practical. 

Tomorrow I am going to talk about my experience with formulaic troll letters, as they are a math to trigger all manner of emotional reactions, thereby slowing down one’s ability to process and learn.  

Thank you for reading. Get your word recognition skills moving. Listen to the math of separation that is a mind consciousness system. It is not rocket science, it is visible and able to be understood. None of us really want to be an emotional firewall resisting the life around us. What we really want is to be who and what we really are. And, we need one another, all of us, to be the potential behind that wall of interference of mis-takes on the practical and living reality around us. 

Memories are a resonant being . Day 743

Two memories have come up that I have looked at before. I notice that I also have back chat or “worst case scenario’  imagery coming up. The worst case scenario ‘ episodes’ are really random, using all manner of imagery. I have these come up in relation to driving because I have had two head-on collisions, that within the system, were not my fault. AND, they happened in a place where many such accidents happen. I remember that it was said that there can be places where there are cross currents, maybe this place is one of them.  For instance, I found out my orthodontist’s wife also had two accidents in the same place. The cars were destroyed, meaning they were so damaged to be tagged as unrepairable. I have fears around driving and they tend to come back when I am not addressing something; I can use them as a red flag.

I had lived in Europe for ten years. One summer, I returned to the states, as I had other summers too, yet never had that which I am going to describe, happen. On this eighth summer, I noticed that I was constantly stepping back from my American peers. Meaning, I would be standing and talking with them, and find myself taking a step back.  I also remember asking the question, “ why are ‘ you’ moving towards me so much?”  At the time, I remember looking at this, and also saying. “ Wow, I can see how other cultures label American’s as having a garish intense smile!” 

After spending seven years in Europe. a seven year cycle, my ‘ resonance’ as my state as a manner or stance, had changed. This fits in with how our cells cycle themselves, as in our cells carry the resonance of our ‘ math’, or the ‘ value’ system that defines us, holds us, is of how we are mannered within ourselves! This eighth summer, I was resonating my exposure, my environment, my newly cloaked ‘ color’ , all measurable in the distance I stood from another person, the amount of reserve or intensity -of-smile, or presentation of myself and how I held the very muscles of myself; ALL OF WHICH IS A “ MATH,”   had come to be a counter  or alternative rhythm, so to speak, to my American environment. 

What I find interesting, as telling of my stance on another level, is that I so readily moved to BLAME those around me, as though it was not me, it was them- the objects around me! Even within asking a question as, “ Why are my friends leaning into me so much,’ and ‘ Now, I know why other cultures make fun of the American way of being intense ( like a staccato-ed accent in music) with the manner of grinning from ear to ear- as though making a ‘ happiness’ stance more intense, by degree! Thus, I was projecting the ‘ difference’ as a ‘ wrong’ or uncomfortable thing being done unto me. 

What is also amazing is how my physical body reacted, with me doing the thinking after the fact. I only noticed it because I noticed my body reacting. This indicates, how much of a resonance stance I became, which is the same in all of us.  The very ‘ math’ of an in-culturated manner, representing value systems, had become me, which manifested the eighth year into my change into another environment. This corresponds to a cellular memory that then comes to direct my subtle movements physically. This memory has come up in tandem with a memory from childhood as of late. 

I had gone and walked up to my father and younger sister in this childhood memory. I had wanted attention, and as such surprised my father, who turned and knocked me over onto a tricycle. I have a scar from this, which at the moment, has some very dried skin on it.  In this memory, I remember being angry at my father, feeling hurt that I had been knocked onto the tricycle.  Even though, at the time, I got over this pretty fast, I do remember being so embarrassed that I was angry, and I blamed my father for suddenly turning and inadvertently knocking me over- as I am sure he did not want to do this and probably felt some degree of shame as well. Yet, this is my earliest memory of moving , or projecting blame. I was actually embarrased as I had only considered my own desire for attention- so my anger, was really my own shame, because I acted on an idea. I acted on some resonant desire, separating myself from my own common sense. The after stance, even with the anger, I was aware that I had moved in my own self interest- so absorbent am I as a human being. 

I wanted to take a deeper look at resistance. When I look at the resonant change within myself, after living for seven years in a different culture, how my immediate reaction was to project the change, or problem, being on those around me. It was an after thought to realize that I had become more of the subsequent different environment.  The resonant manner, embedded in the physical, was what showed me my own actions, my thoughts immediately moving to project a story, and as I said, that of blaming the objects until I with a secondary overview, began to sort this out.

I also remember saying something to my peers, that I could understand how other cultures labeled Americans in cartoons with aggrandized and plastered smiles. With some of my peers I met reaction. Meaning, with some I caused the same that I had been, a form of resistance and projection into justification instead of understanding. Some understood and even found it interesting. This is telling, because it is showing that the very act that I did, is deeply ingrained in our ‘ reading’ of actions- as manners are a form of action and expression of ..... our resonances, our beliefs, our value systems, our math, our way of reading relationships with regard to everything around us. We are truly organic robots. Which, on another level, is why the media is so successful, unless we view it with a critical and creative approach, understanding what I am saying here, overall. 

Thus, as I said, I have this back chat, with really random scenarios, coming up, and it is composed of this movement of projecting blame onto the objects around me. And yet, this other memory where I realized the very resonance of me, in seven years which matches cellular change, indicates that what I allow, as how I move, within the very smallest of measures, comes to be the information that directs my physical movements! This in tandem with this memory from childhood, and my scar, I can see where I, as far as I can remember, planted the first movement of blame, that even if I at that age, did not dwell on it for too long, it was that tiny movement that started a seed of projecting the problem of my own actions, outward onto the objects around me. 

Because, I have not cleared this ‘ resonance,’ as a formula, up, completely, in its inception, it continues to be how I move, in manner, or, in thought, word and deed. It could also be, that I am at a point of change, as a point of change also carries a quality of most resistance, as the old does not want to die. 

I want to also look at the practices in the school systems, and relate this to learning the violin. I had violin lessons for years, I would go and have the lesson, and have exercises to do at home, ALL BY MYSELF. I had to learn to walk those tiny movements, that practiced being in control of my body, and integrating a physical awareness of the space. This was a practice that no one could do for me, but myself. 

If I look at a school, it is like having a violin lesson, where a direction, or a practice is given, and practiced, or walked through a couple of times, yet cannot be that self, practicing that movement.  The self has to go and do the walking, the practice. The time and space in what a school is, cannot be that practice by the self. One is actually building what comes to direct the physical body, which says that what one allows, and what one practices, will come to resonate in the body and will move the body, thus one’s actions reveal one’s math/perspective/memorized -as-conditioned-blueprint-of-belief, or the order of relationships as how one sees the world.  

A school relates and teaches with example, using words and pictures, just as a violin teacher can model,( which is actually more direct) shows a form, movement included. If I do not practice that movement, and only do it based on that one time, trying to incorporate it from that one showing, I am going to cause a distraction in my presence as I interact with the world around me. I am going to slow down my processing when interacting with the whole, missing things, and causing imbalances, because I did not do that which only the self can do, which is integrate something new through the only way to integrate something new, which is to go and do the small, to practice it- as it takes both the exposure AND the detailed practice of the small, as this is how things are built. 

This is why, so many master’s of things, stress the importance of practicing the small. Meaning, to make sure that small is practiced, because the self must learn to self direct, in detail, all by themselves. This is something that no one can do for the self.  Another way to say this, is that the schools cannot be that practice for the child, and nor should they, as it is a valuable lesson for a child to realize that they build understanding, and that this takes practice, because it takes time for a correct movement, to be integrated into the cells, so that the body moves in effective ways, as what we practice ( or allow, follow without question)  becomes what directs us. Yes, it is that deep, and resistance towards acknowledging this is simply self rejecting and resisting how this all works. Resistance means, one must really look at one’s manner. In all, it does not matter who’s fault it is, if one wanted to take this stance because ultimately, what one has allowed, or been exposed to, resonates within, which no one, not any other person can change but the self. In my case, blame is not going to change this as being in a state of blame, as projecting something outward, is not a practice of looking at what I resonate and learning from it, and realizing that it is what it is, does not need to define me, and shows me where I am not being in understanding, as embracing what is here. In all, such actions, as what I have accepted to be the resonance of me, can show me relationships between things, as beliefs, and as movements that can understand and change in a moment, relax and move in ways that ask more open ended questions, for example.

In so many ways, I realize I have become a social engineering so prevalent in the idea of being ' positive' where I become the end game of sympathy, instead of including empathy; seeing what is being expressed as relationships, understanding how what we resonate is simply ideas about relationships, and to realize within this, that what is real, is myself being here, moving in real time here, because this is where I am, this is where I am living a real performance. I also realize how I can sense the smallest of movements, as the very subtle deeds I move as, within myself, as my resistances show my accepted and allowed practices, which are relationships I direct as belief, because I have not practiced being grounded here, in real time, seeing the real relationship that is here, as my living , and present relationship. My resonance can show me, where I am out of synch with reality. 

Another way to look is to realize what focal and vocal distractions as ideas, beliefs and opinions, resonant within, from past relationships, one is allowing to define who and what one is, and to realize the small movements that build the overall resonance, and the correct small movements that ground one back into being present in this reality. What the media and school systems show is, is a story of information, an equation of order, one that can come to define us, if we allow it. Also, that no one can clean up the resonance of what we have allowed, as believed, but the self. It does not matter if it is someone else's ‘ default system’ as one not understanding how this all works, because projecting onto the ‘ fault’ as a lack of understanding this, is not the action of correction. Only the self can do this, and since we are all doing this, there is only self forgiveness and self correction. That resonance can be read, one can learn to call the movements out by name, thereby taking away the power of the default, and reframing the movement, into respecting this reality, as there is only here, which is how it should be. Another way to say that, is to ask, what came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Thus, over all, I have to realize what I have mathematically accepted and allowed, as a movement as me, and to cross reference this real world around me, to practice being present here, recognizing what I have come to believe, as be comfortable with, as the very movement of me, expressing accepted relationships, and slow down, breath, ground myself and call out by name, the math of me, and recall as the very sound of me, a living relationship to what is here, as the physical, to equalize myself, or to get in synch with here, the actual physical. I can recognize when I am rejecting- what I am resonanting, by movement of blaming things around me for not being what I resonate, and become equal and one to the resonance of life here. And, within this, to realize that this same thing is happening all around me, because, overall this is not understood. 

Even as that small child, I had become a resonance of belief, or allowed a resonance of belief, that I needed attention from my father. On some level, I separated myself into a resonate idea, as a math, and did not pay attention to my surroundings, believing that there was a more, when I already was the means, as being present here, which is the real ‘ more’ of and as me, as being present and in synch with what was real, as the physical symbols, as life in a living relationship, working together in ways that are more symbiotic, and of an interaction that is respectful of all things, choosing what supports no matter what.

When I find myself resisting, I have to stop, slow down and breath. When I find my physical body ‘ stepping back’ or tensing up, or constricting, I have to slow down and look at what I resist, because what I resist persists a resonance of the same manner. Here, I have to breath to see that resonance, and to correct the mis-take, or the state of measure/being I have practiced and to begin to change that to the extent that I become a master of myself.  Naturally, this will take time, the time it takes for the body to regenerate cells. Yet, just as in practicing an instrument, a careful practice of this gains momentum, and my ability to change the resonance of me, will grow. It would be like being able to switch from playing a renaissance piece, and the suddenly a early modern piece of music. Which is interesting, because I remember asking myself how I could become more fluid within changing myself within the practice of music. I never thought of living this as the instrument of me, as a physical body, sounding things out, as the very words I speak, sensing this world, and the world of a more emotional memory, as opposed to a more superior, or fluid memory, as that presence within and as me as life. How could I be so blind, and why was I not taught this from the beginning? 

In all this is why knowing one’s words is so important, as words are a means of calling things out by name, and placing the math in synch with reality. Only practicing words in a closed context, as the vocal and non-direct application in real living space, as building relationships of words into practical reality, is a one sided practice.  One must practice spelling the word, and practice generating the sound, and practice a relationship with the word directly with reality- something that cannot be done in school alone, or learned via the media alone, one must, as the self, just like practicing the violin, or a sport, actually practice the sounds, to build, or retain, a natural spatial ability to reality in relation to what one generates as the words that reflect relationships in this world, as words are never the real thing, they are a muse, so-to-speak. 

This also is the practice of building a relationship with what is here, understanding one’s own resonance- which can change, and doing the math of reality, the systems and one another.  No one can do this but the self. In another way, it is to say that the real means without, is to go within. It is to say that humans are the perfect machines to ‘ do the math’ of existence in real time. Being this real focus in real time instead of a mind consciousness of separation. The place of most happiness, because humans are happy when they are capable of real focus,  and unhappy when they are lost in a dissonant resonance, that is not effective in substantive self direction, is being focused here.  When our neighbor is self directive in practical real time, it helps us, as the body of the overall machine, must synchronize to life, the physical. 

Enjoy and practice the smallest of things, as they are the means to understand the larger forms as the physical around us. Learn to spell and speak you words, build direct relationships with the words, to living reality, understand how the body resonates a math of one’s exposure, opportunity and belief systems.  Breathe, slow down, write it out, and call things out by name, forgive yourself to the small, the practical, the here, build a lasting relationship to this reality. The tools are here, to help, yet no one can do this for the self but the self. The way out is to rebuild the within.  We are the perfect machines to be and do this. Blame is really a resistance to change.  In another way, blame is a form of revenge for one’s resonant seed of information, or ego. It is the self showing the self, where one is not being responsible and/or how we inform ourselves. Thus, my blame, is myself not standing as solution or self actualization. I must look to the small, the singular event that was a repeated action, that created a time-line, that rolled up into a resonant seed and came to manifest as a seeming ' dissonance' to reality around me, as the interactive relationships to all things around me. No one can correct this humpty-dumpty scattered and fractionalized  resonant-in-the-cells-event horizon I allowed to become seeded in myself but me. I would have it no other way, as this is an opportunity to become equal and one to who and what I am, the potential of me, as life.

There is, although seemingly counter because of a resonance unacknowledged, GREAT JOY in mastering the small.  It is the means of self empowerment and the full engagement of all the senses, it is the inherent potential of the human being. It is right in front of us. It is time to take this back, to remember this to ourselves. The way out, is the way in. 

Day 678 Who am I Within How I Focus Myself Here?

I notice I have something accumulating in my solar plexus. I woke after clicking on a tarot card notice that brought up the card ‘ comparison.’

And I have been worried about money. 

It is this idea that I am limited in my movements based on the amount of money I have at present. And yet, when I look at this, I am moving in many ways, setting up appointments and following through, which is the way and the means of building movement that leads to an outcome.

I notice that when I begin to self doubt, I begin to compare. Then I am caught up in weighing and measuring within limited values, in fear of failure. I can look at this word and change it to be defined in supportive ways.  I see the word ‘ ail’ within this word and the word ‘ur’ , as meaning the ailment of the starting point, which is moving within limitations; limitations being value judgements as my ur-sprung point!. I am comparing myself to another form, and believing that perhaps because my form does not meet that form, there is something wrong. I must tell myself there is never one way. Being creative means finding new and/or other ways.  As it is all about building relationships that are stable. If I look at chemistry, there are many different shapes and sizes that can come together, like a puzzle and create a form that functions with ease in this world. There are many ways to fill in the gaps.  This gap filling can meet in the middle, one supporting the other, being of the same nature yet with different means. Thus I cannot really compare myself to another form and yet I can learn from another form.This really is a perfect design.

If money represents the energy I accept and allow as the division of myself within the act of comparison in a narrow focus of beliefs, I move into survival and lose attention to a starting point of inferiority within my own natural ability to assess and evaluate and investigate and create.  And, I allow a whole chain reaction of values about myself based on ideas that become a seemingly endless cycle of comparison. My relationships of trust, can be created with individuals and with small groups, where the energy/support flows in manageable ways, extending my presence through another vein of the form of the structures on this physical world. 

Within music, as within performing, there is this point where I realized that I form the sound, I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and form the sound, realizing I can decide the ending and the starting of the notes, and how the volume of the form as the sound can express itself. I notice that my attention within making this decision,  can accelerate when I make the decision to attend to what it is that I am doing in a moment. I have the ability to be aware of what I sound in every moment. And it is the decision to do this, that then opens up that ability to assess and balance. Starting from a point of insecurity and worrying about what another has or does or thinks, does not allow myself to focus on every nuance of what it is that I myself am doing! Also, within making the decision to focus on what I am doing within the very measure of what I am creating, has a sudden nature of being able to not only assess my measure but also, the measure of another as the values they are creating. It is that this decision to focus removes the judgement and opens up discernment. There is a kind of irony here, within this, because in so many ways this is the opposite of following only!  This opens up real participation, and real participation is the means of expansion in self discovery of the qualities of being present and using a natural ability to discern and self direct in substantive ways.

When I allow myself to participate, in the manner of being self responsible, I realize my natural ability to change, that I can assess what is here, practicing myself back into what is a natural ability to change, and realizing that remaining focused here, is what allows that natural ability to change, to move. It is to say the answer is in being what I fear the most, which is being self responsible here, naming the game and changing the game within common sense of what I would want, which is what is best for me, and as a consequence in considering here, what is best for all.

In all, being here is natural, allowing comparison within an idea of one-size-fits-all is unnatural. This means that I need not hold onto any imagined values only, because in focusing on the values of what is here as the physical as a starting point,  I need not hold onto anything, and realize that within this, I have a greater discernment and a natural compassion that is gentle because it realizes that being present and assessing what is here as the physical world, is where solutions are formed and lived and this natural ability to do so is found within being present and focused, placing my creative ability within reality.

Day 668 Walking on the eggshells of a scattered presence.

Walking on Eggshells.

Why do we say, “ Walking on eggshells”?  What are we in essence doing when we believe we are walking on eggshells?

I had a conversation with my sister this morning. We talked about family and the personalities in families. What is a personality? It is a measure of belief, idea and opinion. It is a composition of value judgements, of likes and dislikes. It is what we resist that persists. It is what we reject and accept in the order of defining ourselves here on this earth. It is what we are caught within in our thoughts that protect and defend the values we define ourselves as to survive in a world where everyone is doing this. It is the division of ourselves against what is all the same in each one of us; that we are physical bodies on a physical planet where we are as a starting point all the same.

If we are within a mind construct of value judgements about ourselves, about what we believe will allow us to survive, creating a personification, are we busy in that abstraction of reality that was not present when we were born or are we grounded, our heavens down to earth, in reality?

Can we remember what we did yesterday, or this time last year, in detail?

Or, are we so fractured and in our minds only, supporting and defending what we define ourselves as that we are like a scattered, fractionalized, metaphysical imagery, filled with emotional veils one could say is an imaginary projection of values as memories, scattering our focus from reality?

I have to compare this the the infamous Humpty Dumpty child’s story. No one, not any system, not any other person, not a king, or not the king’s men, can possibly put this scattered self back together again. What we in essence do within this game, because it is a game, is walk around our own accepted and allowed scattered selves; we walk around the scattered accepted and allowed mental/memory construct of limited values that we use to define who and what we are, to survive.

The values in themselves are not good or bad, it is the absolute holding onto them, or focus on them that creates a limitation as one protects and defends these values that creates a separation from practical reality. This is overall a form of dis-empowerment. It causes conflict and friction in being present and walking practical steps as how we actually get things done in this physical world. It is why we are in constant judgement, because no two scattered selves can connect completely, leaving us basking in self pity. Look at how we search for groups or affiliations that are equal in measure to our limited measure! Realize the conflicts in family are essentially one’s personality believing that my measure, my memory is not being understood because when one is only existing within that measure, stuck way up there in a limited construction of ideas that needs constant reformation, and thus constant attention and focus, one cannot be present in being aware of that scattered awareness from being present in what is real, which is the practice of being physical.

There is a reason why our children’s stories exist. There is a reason why someone once said, take that which is good and does no harm, two or more in my name is great strength, become the living word. This is a mathematical equation, it is the equation of being grounded and equal to the starting point of who and what we are before we build a memory, and that is the state of physical beingness on a physical planet called earth.

I ask the question in relation to this; Where are you? Are you in a metaphysical mind construct of limited values, in constant conflict and friction with your world, manifest as blame and spite, fear and disempowerment, or are you here, present, at ease, stable and grounded? 

Do you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells when interacting with others that are the same as you?

Where are you, are you in your mind or are you seeing directly here, equal with what you are?

Are your thoughts, words and deeds considering in every breath, in every moment what it is that we really are, physical beingness on a physical planet? In other words, are you grounded in reality?

What would the world become if every one was grounded in reality, in what was real? 

Would this not create a world that no longer moved and was enslaved to a scattered and divided self stuck up there in an abstract construction that lost awareness of what real living means leading to so much of the conflicts we see in the world around us on national levels?

How is this related to my conversation this morning?

A family member was upset about another family member not meeting the other’s needs. I suggested to look at some of the personality traits within my family. One is that there is a tendency to become obsessed with groups, as in the group of people one is involved with takes over all of one’s time, to the point where there is no space for family- or less space to the point where having a family interaction is too much within the schedule.

I described how some of my siblings have this characteristic to a greater degree than others. And I suggested to look at how we can become this at times, as the degree to which this happens varies from one to another, and/or changes within certain periods in one’s life. Or, that some realize this and change over time, and others do not.

This was changing the perspective within looking at personality traits that have manifested over time. And, then, from here, to realize how I/each have done this, and to note that yes, it would be cool if there were more flexibility within this tendency to become obsessive about one’s group interactions outside of family. Neither is bad, yet a lack of flexibility within understanding this can cause conflict and judgement within the one wanting the other relationship to exist on a more even keel - so to speak.

My goal was to quiet the emotional reactions, to give some perspective as to how the personality can lack flexibility and how that lack has nothing to do with the person being rejected or slighted as a belief. Here, it is interesting how the mind will deny a perspective presented, through repeating the original measure/thought, and bring in all the past events where the same feeling was lived. This is a form of self validation yet also one looking at the measure one has accepted and allowed so it is not a ‘ bad’ in some respects, and in another sense it must be done because we have to look at what we are saying! Often the perspective from a more grounded awareness, that adds awareness to what one is restating/defending/placing one’s attention into,  has to be stated more than once - before the scattered egg shells of values can be grounded into a stable constant change in perspective that builds a greater understanding of how we work within what we have allowed as a scattered self in a memory/mind construction as our survival suits of limited values used to define who and what we are. This demands patience and calm, time and effort.

Bringing this back to myself, I have to ask my self all the time, “ Where am I?” am I in my mind focusing on a value that I defend and protect, a limited awareness, or am I grounded, equal to my breathing, present, here assessing reality, investigating the measure presented not fearing to upset a scattered self, a personality and instead of resisting that measure/value moving into acting in self interest, am I grounding that scattered value becoming equal to it for a moment, realizing it cannot define me and that I can assess those egg shells spread out and focused upon only, and instead seeing the patterns, using my awareness , my presence to evaluate the ‘ pieces’ and placing them in the context of what I really am as a physical beingness on a physical earth?  Yes, I can do this, we all can do this because we are life. It will take practice, it will take forgiveness, it will bring me/us back down to the value being life.

I suggested, after I assessed what motivated the behavior that was limiting, to realize that none of this is personal, none of this defines the value of the person rejected, because it is the personality as a belief system - and a person being involved in their life from which, yes they could create space and be more flexible -  moving in its value system to the point where that ‘ train’ of values does not slow down and realize space and time, as what is practical physical reality outside of that racing measure that is a scattered self that is not all ‘ bad.” 

Where am I? Am I lost in a mind consciousness of limited values constantly walking on eggshells in fear of upsetting an unstable and ungrounded presence as the same in another of what I myself have accepted and allowed not understanding how this all works, or am I living here, grounded in reality, where my presence has the ability to assess division/separation into conflict and friction as what a separation from what is real would create? Am I using what I am as life, able to critique and create within directing myself in respect of all things, as being focused on what is real, this actual real physical life that is me?

Where are you? Are you in your mind, a mind consciousness only, or are you here

Walk the Desteni I Process to begin your journey to life, learn to understand what thought is, what a feeling is, and what an emotion is. Place your presence back on the ground, become equal and one to life