The tone of accusation Day 875

 There is a point within me that is of accusation. It is how I phrase questions. Behind it is frustration and accusation.  There is also a part of this character that at the same time is able to cut through things and be blunt about what is happening. Somehow, that sharp pattern recognition part of me, continues to hold frustration and spite and blame. As though I fear using that which cuts through patterns and it comes out with this accusatory nature to it. It is something I have worked on for a while, and yet it still rears it head. 

All communication to some extent is an attempt at clarity. Even when it is filled with frustration and blame and spite, and all the other " ugly " emotions.  What is that frustration but a sense of not knowing how to move forward, and a fear of something pushing back. And yet, at the same time, there have been moments in my life when I noticed something and spoke up and suddenly everything stopped. There have been moments when I asked a question and everything stopped. Hence, there is a way to speak and see through questions. And, there is a way to ask questions that tend to ignore and lead to reactions. What is the difference in the quality of the sound within the question being asked? I suppose that is what one has to master, the quality of the sound within the structures one generates as the sound in one's self as one asks a question. 

It is funny how one can work so much on sound while using an instrument and not consider the sound one generates from one's flesh, as one's self. Basically, the two are one and the same. We humans simply don't pay attention to the totality of what we SOUND as our flesh. What is the timing and the timber and the essence of what one sounds from one's flesh, the flesh itself being a resonant totality of what one has allowed to define the self as the flesh. The word " flesh " has the word " self " within it. We are what we allow to resonate from our flesh. And because our bodies are salt and water, what we allow that is unclear, or filled with spite, and frustration, and blame and hate, and of limited structure, is always visible in our every move, as what we allow as input into the flesh is what we become. 

We are the generators of our own mental health. We are responsible for what we allow to be sounded from our flesh. And because no one is able to clear that up, as it has to be cleared up and resolved by the self, no one can clear this up but the self.  Ultimately, everyone wants to participate in being that which is best for all, which means everyone at the root of themselves wants to be of clear sound. 

In understanding this, there is that point of removing pressure, meaning, that point of allowing space to process which happens when one indirectly asks questions, meaning to remove any form of accusation, or fear, because accusation is fear. Using the accusatory is a form of projecting onto an object which is a form of deflection, which requires a projection, as making something separate from the self. That in itself is a state of separation, it is the opposite of problem solving, it is pushing something away, it is not knowing where to go, it is forgetting to connect to the togetherness of all things, that all things are self in another life.  I am able to write this out, and yet in moments I revert to an accusatory stance. This means the things I compose remain an automated system, an automated reaction, which is the presence of fear and the absence of slowing down and standing in the togetherness of all things.  And often, with hindsight I catch myself doing that same accusatory movement that has a point of insightfulness within it. 

I also notice that the more I practice something, the more relaxed within it I become. There is something to walking into the fire and practicing how to direct within that. I have been told more than once that I am somewhat like a Sherman Tank, I just don't stop. Like those stories about a person getting up and moving again, despite all indicators of being unsuccessful. But then again, that in itself is a lie, because when children learn to walk they fall many times. Failure is a part of success. All those screaming that one cant do something are those that have given up. They are in a state of deflecting their own failure into an absolute and projecting that onto others. And that is obvious because success can bring forward jealousy. Jealousy ( I feel lousy ) will smile directly at one, and then when one's back is turned,  criticize. I learned that in music. It is rampant, one has to just let it go. Somehow being silent around something like that neutralizes it.  It is as though there is this mirror effect, where the one spouting their jealousy exposes the jealousy in the absence of reactions to it.  It is a form of not participating in something, stops the growth of that something.  I suppose this happens because one/I became so sick of it, I just watched it one time. What was noticed was how that action of non-reaction allowed that reaction to die, as though it had no network to continue its sounding. lol But then again, practice tends to allow for discovery. This must be known, which is why boxes exist, to contain discovery. Keep the playing field narrow and discovery can't happen.  Boxes also allow for reverberation. Which demands a consistent non-reaction. I ramble. Probably an attempt to convince myself. 

The point of going into the accusatory is the point of forgetting the togetherness of all things. The nuance of accusation is my own indicator of how I focus myself in the moment. And the nature of accusation has a rush to it, hence the solution is to not only sense when my own accepted construct of belief as a resonance rushes me forward into a reaction rather than a sense of the togetherness of all things, is the key to transforming a coming automated  reactive trance-formation within me, that I allowed to be what it is that I generate as the noise within me. 

The moment I am in accusation, even subtle or nuanced, I am already lost. And that may be the key, that I notice when I enter into a moment where I don't know where to go, or there is something to answer to that I have only ever answered to. Where my own automated programing kicks in and becomes the master of me rather than me being in respect of life and sounding that which beings balance, peace, stability and harmony to the living space in the moment.  There is always this internal movement of constriction as one gears up inwardly as reaction. Such a movement, is sensible, meaning the flesh senses something and moves as what one has allowed to define the flesh/self as a directive. This is able to be changed because it was built, by the self, allowed by the self.  Being mindful demands sensibility.

What is it to practice but to sense when I react. To sense when I " dont know where to go " ? and by default use that same allowed repeated practice to be noted and then to stop, to stop the automated response, from practice. It means to change direction.  It is like being in fear of taking a step forward. It is a fear of self responsibility, a fear of what may come should one direct. It is a fear of jealousy.  The whole " what if " scenario.  We weave fabrics within ourselves and yet a fabric is changeable. Creation itself is changeable otherwise it would not be creation itself. lol

The first step within this is to recognize when I move into this, when I react rather than direct. And that requires living practice, so it appears as though I am going out to punish myself, when it is really just learning to recognize my own nuanced automated allowances. To bring this forward into being defined and then directed into something new, something that considers all things in every breadth, or to embrace what is here in totality.

It means to not take things personally, and as that to both embrace and phrase in a way that allows one to process without the pressure of performing. Like creating a safe space that is of balance as the very grace of creation itself, as that is the nature of the togetherness of all things. Even I can sense the change of tone within myself. 

The best way I know how to say and do this is to remember to be indirect, to remember to stop a spiraled dagger to build within me, inter-dimensionally. That part we all see but have mastered a practice of non-seeing around. It is all a thing after all, and it is visible if one slows down enough. Better to have realized this than to have an event that forces one to stop everything and as that suddenly see the difference.  Being a projection is very different than being in sync with the togetherness of all things, as one is wisdom and the other is bitterness.  And within that, the real expression of life is of great wonder, as there are so many amazing " insightfulness " abilities in the humans. Like seeing subtle aspects of ability that I have never thought possible. It is somewhat like discovery. But that is probably ironic, because it is all about having ignored what is in plain sight. Rather an uncovering than a discovery. 

It is to notice when I generate a shield of protection to hide my own ignorance. When that revs up, as a reaction. It has that constrictive quality to it. It is myself actively rejecting life. 

There is a way to ask questions, that open things up, even within triggering reactions. Often, the indirect asking of questions opens the space and removes the constriction of and as protection. And that requires certainty and the absence of fear. It means being fearless. This is something I will have to practice. When I start repeating myself I am in essence attempting to define something that has yet to be clearly defined. 

To be continued. 

Learning to Stand and Direct Day 874

 There are seemingly do many things to direct, as what an internal road map of associations as relationships made between fractionalized bits of information - most probably from so much compartmentalization.  After all, what is placing a child in a box to memorize a text book do to the focus of said child? 

I am overwhelmed and as such go into fear which is uncertainty and doubt. It appears too much, and yet often with hindsight I suddenly realize that directive stories and questionings have similarities and a simplicity to them. it is like learning to drive, at first it is slow and appears too much, but slowly and steadily one is able to cross reference the physical check points or "things to be aware of" and a fluidity happens and one is able to cross reference the space and process all the moving parts. 

It is like organizing and cleaning up a house, getting everything in order, and finding the most harmonious structures that allow movement and accomplishment.  Why hold a belief that one system is more or less than another? And why have an internal running idea that one is supposed to be perfect? These things are distraction. 

When I stall and hesitate I am denying what is natural, an ability to recognize patterns and see form and function, be it an internal shadowy road map of spiraling symbols where the focus of the being is on having everyone validate their internal road map, or if it is learning to cross reference the physical road and all the movement on said road.  Both are one being focused on something. One is at the expense of being present in the living space of this reality, of the flesh ( the thing we appear to be most directed from!) . 

It is about catching back up to the grace of an absolute purpose where one remembers the interconnectedness of all things, and that which distracts one from that natural state, as that is the nature of creation and the nature of life. It has to be otherwise life ceases to exist. 

I continue to find myself in doom and gloom imaginings, while at the same time catching myself with greater immediacy. I stop, I breath, and I slow myself down. It is like standing in a spiral, of good and evil, of emotional lags, and coming back down to all things, or the togetherness of all things as that which is of greater stability, or constancy, or directiveness. It is always here. 

The internal distractions are of energy, and act in wavelike forms, pulsing. This is no real match for one slowing down to step out of the shadow storm of less manifested movements.  Why is the term existent as the " waves of time" ? At least in this moment, I cant think of another term for time. In our words we expose what is happening. Time exists as waves, creation exists as a constancy of purpose. One is grace and the other is friction. Noticing patterns of energy is like noticing waves of friction, and they appear slippery, changeable, but is not the root cause the same? And it is a fear. And fear is what I would call infantile. 

infantile = antilife

This is a part of the distraction, to have a word come up that has the answer built into it. Fear is infantile, and yes, fear is antilife. 

Just like listening to music, like listening to a math, what is antilife is fear, and it has a wave-like quality to it, which is something different than directiveness and the togetherness of all things. 

This morning the waves in my chest Day 873

I have to go and pick up a car that has been at the mechanics for more than two weeks. There is this nervousness and some back chat. I can feel this swirling energy in my chest. It has dimension and form, it is a thing. It is of worry and silly fear of what others may think. Behind it is another fear, a fear of survival, the waves of information, polarized, swirl in my chest. 

At this point I know to stand with it and take it apart and let it go. I also know that the busy-ness of the internal chatter hides root points. It is a form of deflection and distraction.  

Having been in many homes and watching children practice words, I notice patterns. The patterns are usually slightly different. I also remember playing so much music, one could sense how a person practiced a piece just by hearing how they were working the math of the music. As well, having performed as much as I have, one notices the degree to which a person has control of their fears and/or how much of a directive will they have within being able to focus. And that ability to focus has varying degrees. How changeable is one? 

Children are often able to recall things, some sooner, some later. They often are quicker than their parents. It is this same thing I experience this morning. It is as though there is something in the way of them processing  because of what is within them, what is around them, and what it is that they experienced the moment before. There is  a gap, something in the way, something that inhibits a natural ability to learn, a natural ability to be present with ease, to remember, to move through, to notice what is in the way.  

As one practices realizing that same movement within that inhibits, it has patterns, one is more able to sense the timelines of a " novel" built behind our words, and as that move backwards and uncover that which blocks a natural ability to be able to remember the togetherness of all things. That place where one senses a beauty and balance and peace. That is our real heritage as life itself. This " cloud," this ghost in our machine is our separation, our limitation, our stagnation.  It is visible and it is able to be cleared up so that we recall that past moment in an instant and process what existed. That state lacks a heaviness. 

Becoming more aware of this has also opened up what I call a sense of nostalgia.  Most probably because I have experienced the aging process of both my parents, and that I am aging.  It is of sadness, regret, and yet at the same time, there appears to be this tiny sense of joy, a sense that " everything is going to be alright." The first time I experienced that was in either 1998 or 1999. I was walking down the street in Zurich when suddenly time stopped, and seemingly far far away, at the edges of something I was in, the bubble popped and the words came, " everything is going to be alright." The way forward is known, has been discovered, and that is to realize the ghost in our flesh that is thwarting a natural ability to sense the togetherness of all things, a wisdom that is what being in a state of knowing the togetherness of all things is about.  Within this there is an opening to sense the patterns of behavior that exist within us. We are capable to understanding things. Confusion is when something makes no sense. Reactions to confusion are when the twists and turns of emotional feeling reactions are stuck in internal times lines that are a novel of all that we have allowed to suppress a natural ability to process and understand. 

Slowing way way down one can hear the difference.  It has always been there in plain sight.  And so I walk, and I speak up, and I share. I describe the difference in the internal movements and what a more grounded awareness looks like.  One is weighted and one is fluid.  One has an excited agitated friction-like  quality to it and the other realizes that nothing can ever be taken away. 

Energy has a wave-like form to it. Awareness moves with a quality of an absolute purpose. There is a big difference. An absolute purpose has patience and steadiness. It is like when one senses the qualities of what is here. More like what one is, and that in itself is the guide. 

A subtle tension in my jaw. Day 872

 I was chatting with others when suddenly a construct, an internal " form" appeared, or was uncovered within me.

I have had a sense of movement or " heat" in my thighs and a subtle tension between my shoulder blades. For the past few days I have been more aware of this movement, but have been unable to define it, to pin point it and to name it. Some self forgiveness around older points have helped but it appears to remain in some form of suspension, as though it hovers in the flesh.

I watch my reactions when interacting with others. 

I notice moments of calm and directiveness. I am also more aware of what I exist as, as a focus. I notice when I am unaware of the world around me, and that sense of the togetherness of all things. 

I am also aware of a deep fear of the mind itself, which manifests as a fear of confrontation, a fear of being exposed and a sense of being overwhelmed within communicating all of this to others, even casual meetings with the world around me, as the greater society around me. 

What supports me is to remember that internal constructs of the focus of many, including myself, and that this is able to be directed in ways that consider all things, that realize the interconnectedness of all things. It is all like a piece of music with alternating themes that are sometimes of a counter point that appears unreadable, but at the end of the day, it is all readable, as we are the stuff of creation itself. That which is covered in layers of ideas, beliefs and opinions, that distract one from a sense of the commons that is the physical flesh. What is scattered thin-king? What is industrialization but compartmentalizing focus leading to fractionalized systems lacking all connection to one another in awareness. Would that not generate resonant bubbles of limited values? Would that not lead to disease as the internal road maps are separation from the rhythm of the flesh itself, that means of our expression as life? 

This tension in my jaw has to do with communication. It is a constriction as a fear of being able to communicate. It is a belief that doing the math is impossible. And yet the time lines of separation are a construct and have patterns and sequences that are recognizable, and the means to walk through such geometric fabrics is doable. And the principle of balance, stability, equilibrium are here in plain sight. Like a sense of absolute purpose. One might see such a thing in a carpenter bee, for example. A soundness of absolute purpose, seemingly fundamental and yet of a focus that is clear and incredibly directive overall. Does " soundness" have a stable quality that is at the same time the most gentle of things?

 Appears to be a contradiction, from a mind consciousness perspective probably so.  And yet, once again,  there is a point where a focus happens that is of one seeing one's own constructions directing one's behaviors. In such moments a person is in reflection rather than in reaction. Does one master moving into this " stance" ? Is one able to recognize it and pull on the strings in such a way that this state of focus is the movement in a moment? If one is able to do something once, one is able to do it again. My motto from experience. 

The tools are here and are able to be practiced. The depths of separation are able to be walked, able to be discerned and directed, self discovered and realigned to restore a sense of the togetherness of all things. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the depths of my own separation from being in a consideration of all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a construct of separation, a construct of limitation, a construct of rejection of who and what and where and how and why we are here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to run away from a shadow of directives building within me, that I realize are building within me, and that I attempt to run away from, not seeing realizing and understanding that such things are able to be deconstructed and aligned with the togetherness of all things, as that sense of a wisdom of the togetherness of all things that is here in plain sight and is that which is creation itself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a mind consciousness system, which is a state of separation from life itself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the time-lines of inflamed values as protections and justifications for a state of separation are able to be deconstructed and directed into realizing the togetherness of all things that is creation that is here all around me as life itself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something is impossible.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the practical and simple application of and as letting go of hiding from who and what I am and that within that it is possible to deconstruct that which separates and divides and confuses, to restore being aligned within the realization of the interconnectedness of all things as life as the physical as this earth here. 

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that nothing is able to define me but what I accept and allow.

I commit myself to slowing myself down and realizing I have the tools to walk facing constructs of separation, where such a movement is really about allowing self reflection to deconstruct that which separates one from realizing a knowingness of the togetherness of all things. 

I commit myself to allowing joy, as allowing a full expression of and as always directing in ways that allow a self discovery of the time-lines that suppress a natural ability to remember the interconnected ness, or the togetherness of all things, as this is in plain sight. 

When and as I find myself tensing within my jaw area, or constricting within my flesh, I stop and I breath and I realize the power of asking questions and telling stories to allow a sense of reflection that in turn allows a moment to self reflect and walk through a veil of spiraling symbols generating a time-line of deflection from allowing the self to realize a movement that discovers and directs awareness of self as life here. 

When and as I find myself tensing up, within my flesh, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself way way down, and I ground myself within the realization that what is here is myself in another life, and as that realize the tools of and as self forgiveness, and self correction within and as opening a sense of pattern recognition where one is able to sense an absence of embracing a natural ability to live self responsibility as life itself.

When and as I find myself in a projection as a time-line of belief, I stop and I breath, as the time line is of and as a sense that moving through limitation and the reactions of deflection into blame and spite as simply a state of separation from a loss of self as life overall, as the absence of realizing the soundness of the togetherness of all things. 

Separation from the togetherness of all things, or wisdom. Day 871

What is imagination, and why is it so valued in today’s society? We abstract as pictures in our minds, our flesh, and somehow that is supposed to be a good thing. But then can it become a distraction in itself and what are we programming into our flesh as such imaginations and abstractions about things?  After all, we become what we practice. Can it become so utilized that we no longer sense the wisdom of the togetherness of all things? What good is imagining something if we forget the togetherness of all things as creation itself? 

I find from my childhood the stories I read and was read to, have tended to influence my seeing, meaning that I look for the stories in the world around me as though they have some form of value, which is an interruption from seeing what is that which creates as that togetherness of all things, which I would call real wisdom.  How can I know that if I am imagining some ideal about how things should move, to end up forgetting how things move for real?  Imagining is of pictures, while the togetherness of all things, the wisdom of things being in sync are of much greater fulfillment. One is like real food and the other a product that leaves one feeling empty and lost. 

The real question is as to how one steps from being too much imagination and at the same time sharing the difference with others.  Does one have to use abstract stories about things, to show the loss of remembering the togetherness of all things?  It would mean patience and a great steadiness, one so stable there would be no question as to the difference. It is, at the end of the day all about focus. A projection is a flimsy thing, composed of spiraling symbols that generate a cross current in the chest, like that cross that is the cross of religion. A superimposed grid that spirals and has no real sustenance. What does it mean to master the focus of what one allows in the space that is here as what it is that we are in fact as physical life. And why are we so separated from the physical, so many systems separating us from the physical as public schooling and religious worship, all boxed systems with false lighting. I remember after the death of my husband I forgot to use my car lights at night on the roads. I was stopped by police twice to be told I didn’t have my car headlights on. I don’t remember needing them, I could see everything fine. I didn’t notice the difference. I have always asked myself that question as to how I did not notice that I didn’t have on my car headlights and yet could see everything as though the headlights were on. I had to reprogram myself to remember to turn on the headlights when day turned into night. But I remember seeing without them.  Is this how far imagination is able to distract us from a natural ability to see? And how many other supposedly “ modern” products and things do we use that we don’t need? And how much of our freely given resources would we save? 

It is that the pollution of thinking, the thin-king of belief has to be removed, and our focus, rather than being on spiraling images in a projection, has to come back down to earth, to life. The consequences of a loss of seeing here, are destructive. At the end of the day, the only way to fulfillment is to re-member the wisdom of the togetherness of all things. 

Thinking itself layers Day 870

 I guess one could say we are like still water. Everything we " exist " as remains within us. Just like at times it takes time to understand something when using memory, when memorizing information.

 Eventually, what is memorized comes reverberating back, or perhaps like a picture about something builds within us, a resonant form, a lesser form, an image about something. Hence, when we repeat a fear, that entity around that fear, as that focus, as that repetition, that also builds something just as memorizing information builds something. A pace at which one moves also " builds " something. If that pace is of memorized movement, that becomes one's timing. 

This happens with groups too, as a musical group that practices something at a certain timing will get stuck in that " timing" and it takes a greater effort to change up that timing. And there is also bounce back at the beginning, meaning things appear to have gone into a different timing, but change the space and a bounce back will happen, as though there is an interruption in focus because of the change, and the previous " version" runs by default. 

We know this is possible because we have terms such as " group think." 

We know this is possible in reading research because it is know that if a child is not reading fluidly by the third or fourth grade it takes an extraordinary effort to change what has accumulated in the flesh, as it is the flesh at the end of the day that is accumulating that internal resonance. That resonance becomes one's lens. it determines focus. It is all about what we focus on. Therefore, there is no truth, there is only here.

 This means that lies by omission are still lies and lies harm the flesh because they cloud the lens, especially in a world that is using memory to ostensibly " teach." That in itself is a lie. One can work very hard running around in circles in a " group think " wheel and go nowhere. For those who use a positive to justify something, such as a group or person working hard, is another automated response exposing that which becomes group think, and justification, and is a form of ignorance about how the flesh works.

 Flesh and self are so so so similar. The " f" can stand for focus and the " lesh" has all the same letters as the word " self." How words are structured into the flesh will determine one's focus. Too much miss-use of internal image use and one spoils the focus.  Our societal focus problems, the ones with an alphabet soup of names, are all a reflection of a loss of focus, a loss of a consideration of all things, a loss of the wisdom of the togetherness of all things.  This was the message, an age old one, of and as " the sins of the fathers." 

Hence, " thinking" becomes a thin-king. What would build motivation when being focused on a consideration of all things? When one is able to recognize what has been covering a " lens " would one move as a consideration of all things? That space before the " lens " is clouded with a thin-king to the extent one loses a sense of the internal " time " lens and the living space that is what we are in? Because children learn more quickly before that " lens " builds. Hence, an improper " lens " or directive of focus, causes a separation? 

And the irony that in today's educational speech, this kind of learning is called " accelerated " learning - that of all senses being engaged. And if one is caught in the " group think," the clouded lens from a mis-use of accumulating internal information ( which is in itself the absence of focus here, or the absence of always in all ways considering all things ) what is the outcome?  Some would call this " cognitive dissonance." This visible when one internal cloud thwarting focus meets another clouded lens thwarting focus. All a mirage, all a construct of information, rather than a constant respect for all things. The game of control is done through lack. It is a wraping of " thin-king" constructs. Within this, in our schools I have heard it mentioned that one NOT follow all thoughts that come up. Hence, we admit to the limitations of information even as experience from a lack, is within us. 

I used Chat GPT to find information. I generated different constructs depending on what information I asked. Therefore, chat GPT can be incredibly limited. And even then, it appears there exists input that twists and warps information, that veil the " whole " story, or all of the information around an issue. Automation polarizes information leading to thin-kings in the flesh/self. Therefore it cannot work and never will work.  I had an uncle who worked in radiology who was in his nineties, he would always say to me that it is known that AI will never work. 

Therefore, overall, a system of lack exists, a system of survival because of a cloudy internal veil of " lies-by-omission." It is invisible if one is caught in group think. It is visible if one is losing spatial ability. Meaning, if one is older and losing memory, often visible by the repetition of stories of the past, often filled with a thin longing, a dreamy " longing" state of focus. It is visible in a loss of changeability. It is visible in the push-back as clinging to an internal belief form, leading to internal agitation that looks just like anger, or defensive and offensive behaviors.  

Separation is visible. The more one is lost in an internal construct of information, the harder it is to realize the thin-king of separation. It is overall, a loss of focus. 

When we are no longer able to drive, or learn something new, or become stagnant in physical movement, are we in the consequences of a natural state that is a state of presence? Thinking, is that presence? What is a " consideration of all things"?  

Thomas Paine said in so many words that moderation in behavior is a virtue, moderation in principle is the opposite. 

The Log Dog Day 869

 I had an experience this weekend where I was working in my yard when I noticed a mottled brown form partially hidden by some spring growth in one of my day lily beds. I stopped and looked at it for a moment, from a distance. 

It looked like a curled up dog. A few years earlier a raccoon was wondering in my yard in broad daylight. I allowed it, but kept an eye on it. Raccoons don't tend to move about during the day, as they have become more nocturnal. It was something extraordinary.  It ended up curling up into a ball and dying on the edge of the property. Obviously, it was sick, which accounted for its odd behavior. 

Hence, when I saw what I thought was a curled up dog I decided to not get too close. A hurt animal can be aggressive. I went and looked at it from another angle, keeping my distance. It continued to look like a curled up dog to me. 

I went inside and called the animal control officer. Because it was Sunday, the police came. The moment they arrived, I walked right up to the " curled up dog " and realized it was a log. lol

I had recently removed a large tree that was covering up a shed. The shed always smelled a bit moldy and I noticed parts of it were beginning to become infested with wood eating bugs. My insurance company wanted me to remedy the situation. I had the tree cut down. The logs were dispersed in one localized area to be organized once they dried out for a few days. One log had rolled over into another area and was embedded in this flower bed, separate from the others. 

The moment I approached the " dog" I realized instantly that it was a log. 

During the previous week, an issue had come up in my life that was occupying my mind. I had done a lot of research into the issue and found contradictions in laws. This was disturbing me, as I realized these contradictions, and the pressures of belief within the system. Despite the laws being clear, and precedents set, it appeared local municipalities were doing the opposite. I encountered some aggression and at the same time passivity from local law enforcement. I felt like I was standing in a huge grey area of beliefs subtly voiced through some verbal aggression but passed by when encountering local law enforcement. Even chat GPT voiced the contradictions and cited the Supreme Court's rulings that directly addressed these issues. It appears that both sides of the issue exist. Is it that these ordinances exist and yet are not enforced, like a mirage in the system to attempt to normalize something contrary to fundamental rights? 

I think of Thomas Paine's first paragraph in his writing Common Sense;  “ Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason. “

It this a game of slow acceptance to have " laws " contrary to principled directives?  To have the opposite of such laws in place despite their contrariness to principle? And does this exist to slowly make such things common place? Somewhere I seem to remember that this has been done in the medical system in America.  That simply because something has been inculcated, meaning repeated again and again, with suggested subtle possible worst case scenario outcomes, the practice is habituated and as that basically turned into law, into something accepted by the collective? And is there outcry when someone comes and counters what has been inculcated ( fear and repetition ) to be a norm? Anyway, I have a fear of this. That " spin" of this dilemma is so resonant within me, that when I encountered this situation with the " log dog " I was easily more in a state of fear than in any common sense.

lol, The police officer was hesitant to approach the " log dog, or dog log." Even he thought it looked like a curled up dog. I was the one that approached the dog.  Something about two humans lends courage, or so I distract myself with these minimizing internal distinctions. lol

The whole point here, within this experience, shows me the limiting effects of worry and fear. It shows me the extent to which I can have a moment of complete projection, of disconnect, of warping reality. It is that my emotional state was in conflict and unsettled. And that ended up effecting other areas of my life. 

And overall, this same that I was being, is the same thing that is inherent in this contradictory information within the greater society around me. Like the society has a warp, and that warp has anger, and aggressiveness, and righteousness, despite principles being made clear and actions stated that inhibit such activities as being shown to be restrictive and unnecessary. It is a fear of that kind of a situation that was leading me into being separate from the practical reality. In the moment of discovering the log I suddenly noticed the resonant " thing" around me of myself being in reaction to this whole situation. 

I remember being a child and attempting to run away from this. I knew it was building. I sat under a tree and attempted to squeeze it away, and yet at the same time I knew it was building. And I knew it was unacceptable. It was what was in my parents. My parents that I always knew where they were in the house because of that same thing. Like hiding from it.  And within that, watching my mother fade as she died, as her mind consciousness fell away and all memories were lost, that thing, that resonance thing that builds and consumes the flesh. That thing of no real authenticity. I dread having to face such constructions, such internal constructions. And that dread itself inflames the whole situation because at the end of the day, all there is is to stand in that and sort it out. There really is nothing else. And that means facing that projection, that resonant wall of internalized limiting and stagnant belief that hinders perception of the practical reality, and in the case of my issue, the suppression of free and unencumbered speech. 

I am in many ways thankful for the log-dog moment, as it showed me the difference once again. That extent to which we fool ourselves because of what is resonant within us. 

Being up in a projection v. being in fulfillment Day 868

 It is all rather simple, the difference between being grounded and being in a projection. One is a whorl that is the self focused on an entity composed of associations to justifications. A web of limited and stagnating sight. And it looks just like that, no one seeing anyone else, everyone attempting to validate their composition, their survival suit, their construct, their creation. As a creation, it is the hyper-polarization or inflammation of limited values, a distraction, a loss of focus, the absence of real fulfillment. It is a rejection of self and all things. It is separation from being here. It is a rejection of considering all things.

I met a human this week and automatically had the thought that this person was " too far" gone, meaning too much in reaction of responsibility.  And yet, was there a way to get a movement of expression, a movement of expressing longing, a movement of bringing up the sense that things are less than they could be because we all know this on some level. If we didn't then anger and frustration, and restlessness would not exist. Everything is visible and here. We simply suppressed looking because this was the game, or moving through common sense potentially lead our internal monsters ( because that is what separation is ) to come projecting outwards and firing images desperate to be acknowledged. After all, it is just a projection of lesser dense " things." The beast is a resonant beast, one consuming the flesh. 

It means that learning to pull on the strings will take practice, and yet, when in reaction, having internal thoughts such as " this person is too far gone," blocks a practice of at least attempting to align with what is me in another life and moving through the rants of justification, being like a quiet mirroring entity, to follow through and allow some recognition beyond charged pictures projecting in a whorl from the flesh. The irony is that this is what is played with and manipulated by media, and the ed system, and our seemingly ordinary daily conversations. 

I mean, that children are placed in a box to memorize a set body of information, written by victors, changes the whole pace of the movement of a natural state of fulfillment. Like thwarting a focus, like distracting one from the ground as creation as this earth. It is all about how information is layered in the flesh and how one focuses on the totality of this. 

Training wheel systems can be of support, but at the end of the day, that essence of us, is able to move like water and sense the form and function, and the interrupting static as a mind consciousness system and begin to unravel the knots to bring forward our self/flesh. It is all practical in the end. 

What is your practice? 

So much thin-king Day 867

I find myself in thinking more than I realize. Obviously, or I wouldn't be doing it. In contrast, there are those moments when one stops thinking, and suddenly, often through distraction, one sees the beginning and the end - so to speak. Those moments where one sees past a problem spinning around in a mind consciousness rather than in presence of the togetherness of all things, those silver threads that compose all things.  Wisdom, or peace, or certainty, or calm, or a combination of all of these states of being. Perhaps that if the silver threads are visible in a moment, it means one has placed them outside of the self? That veil of thinking being the lines of beliefs whorling around. We live in a atmostfear/atmosphere earth sometimes called the whorled/world.  

These days the " thoughts" are more subtle and seemingly calm. And it appears normal to think through the tasks of the day. And the planning, even within potential emotional scenarios.  This is still excessive thinking. That a point of realizing one is able to direct in a moment, means that thinking about every detail is fear, worry, insecurity, separation. The contrast of those moments when one sees all the sequences of movement necessary to get something done is like reading 1000 words per minute. The worry is like spinning in some image, generating a limited whorl of uncertainties that one is attempting to fathom before the fact.  This is inefficient focus at the end of the day. One has to realize that one is able to process in the moment and act accordingly.  Presence requires considering all things. Real solutions require a consideration of all things. And that requires realizing the togetherness of all things.  And of course, investigation is always necessary. Spinning in thinking is different than investigation. 

What I notice within this process, is that my spiralings are not as intense, they appear more " gentle," which is a deception in itself. They remain as thin-king/spiraling/separation. And meanwhile, I notice that I sense patterns outside of the thinking, which is the point of those moments when one sees the beginning and the end of an endeavor. It is like seeing the steps of putting a puzzle together. That is outside of being in a mind consciousness. It is like standing equal to what is within and what is without and what is above and what is below. It is seeing the physical form, as opposed to ideas about a form. An education system that uses memory to learn builds such states of separation. Direct engagement builds a sense of form and function. Of course that would develop ingenuity, which works against an industrial profit model. 

It exposes the acceptances of a system that both manages thinking, and suppresses a natural sense of the space. The way aging people lose their memories, and even a sense of where they are. It has to do with the degrees of disconnect that appear in many of the " psychological " issues in behavior that appear to accumulate and compound in children today. Are these things all on some continuum? Is that visible, or is it becoming more visible. I mean there are children who can no longer control their bodies and burst out with statements, as though it has become a part of the flesh. And then humans are embarrassed, when this is exposure of the secret mind, or a child speaking of what they see? Or is it a direct expression of a recognition of patterns? As though the child sorted something out loud?  What is visible is how much the ticks are the same in these children. The swaying back and forth an attempt to find some stability within the internal " sins of the fathers " storm of mis-information. Overall, it reveals the abuse of the physical, the abuse of the flesh. The rejection of creation. Everything is visible. Complicating it is more of a whorl of avoidance thin-king.  What is a a mind consciousness but the product of justifications to avoid being responsible? 

And it all appears to be coming from the back of me, somewhere behind me. I remember when I was a child running to a tree, really upset, and yet ashamed, attempting to run away from something following me. I know it is something building within me. I am ashamed and in the realization that the one thing I didn't want to happen is happening. I am becoming that which is in my parents. And there is always this sense of something above me, something nebulous above me. of course I was a child, or was it that I was leaving the physical flesh? Was my running towards the tree an attempt to escape separation? And yet, I didn't have the words to call it that. It was more a "thing " following me. The question is as to why I didn't stand within it and sort it out? After all, that is the only solution.  Crying over spilt milk does nothing. Meaning, continuing to run away,  simply is running away from a problem, which of course perpetuates the problem.  

Continuum Day 866

 The more I engage with people, the more a natural ability to recognize patterns begins to open. Is there a density to a person as what has been built as a resonance within them as their accepted and allowed self defining values? Is the " gap " itself a series of questions that generated the response, and as that, a series of questions leads to the dispersement of that gap from self awareness? 

A personality suit, a series of decisions, leading to a resonant self image, is the stuff of cognitive dissonance is it not? I mean, is not walking time-lines of what one has allowed within the self,  the practice of taking back actions to then bring forward the grace of presence? That without judgment the means to see the imbalances and recognize the solutions? This simplicity is hidden only by a fear of the intensity of a form of cognitive dissonance from this physical practical reality that is the earth here. 

I have met with people who deny one thing and then in the next moment acknowledge that which was denied the moment before.  One woman said to me after a series of questions, " I didn't think of that." Meanwhile, I am standing there realizing I was in a reaction, some frustration and anxiety. The moment this woman said that, I realized the projections of one's resonant belief system are nothing to become frustrated about, or anxious about, as it is all about closing the gap, meaning to find the questions that open reality rather than ideas that everything is alright. 

The actual movements bring one face to face with the reality of there being no problems and only solutions. The time-lines of deception are a thing, a pacifier. And just as with a child addicted to a pacifier, it takes patience and directiveness to move through the mesmerizing projection of held-onto beliefs that lead to limitation which leads to stagnation.  

I make an analogy of listening to a piece of music at some really slow speed, but at the same time that slow speed is moving very fast. Appears to be a contradiction.  If one heard the piece of music performed as it is, one's whole perspective would change. That is what it is like to get through the veil of survival information. Always polarized. So much so that one is able to slow down and see the dividing storm, the projection, the density of an absence of being present with the living earth, with creation. It is all a math. No crystals needed. After all, if we are clinging to a projection, then we are aware of the projection. lol 

And the media is the image and likeness of our own creations of separation.  With the advent of AI, will everyone need to have the most updated app to spew information, and within that, will humans exist as their " bot" arguing with one another?  And will this happen to the point where humans are able to disengage with their " bots " and play hookie, meaning, not even participate in whatever place of work or social interaction their " lives" existed as, as the present system? Will this have the opposite effect of humanity coming back down to earth, spending more time outside with the earth itself? 

On another front, I noticed an agitation come up within me in relation to a topic. I attempted to hold a conversation. The information in this person ranted away, becoming increasingly more intense.  A mind triggered will rant on and on, having no patience for anything but its memorized narratives, with a narrow logic.  I realized this in the moment, and realized that this will probably return. It appears our compartmentalized systems develop their own narratives and as that, justify them, ignoring the overall stabilizing information that has answered to this at other levels. 

I have also noticed that the absence of any form of agitation within myself, as that realization that nothing can define me but what I allow, and the discovery that there are no problems only solutions, means that even within the most dense and intense projection of beliefs, still waters appear to send the delivered message back to the self, as though the absence of anything outside of the self, as self reflects within being present, tends to lead to greater self reflection. Meaning, the reactor sees only what they have expressed. It is like lending a looking glass to the generator, the reactor, the separation.   Children respond to quiet patience really well.  Children respond to a direct focus really well too. There is something about this that matches with having a focus that is unconditional and of presence. Hence, emotional reactions are a continuum, and as that a " formula" and as that something that is visible and able to be dispersed with a series of sequences that expose the construct of separation. 

Patterns and Presence Day 865

 I remember when playing the violin for so many years, that I began to recognize how a person practiced a piece of music. I had a stand partner who during a rapid section of music went into rushing through the notes,  all senses shut off to the surrounding musicians and music. It was like she was going through the motions, and rushing the music in the very way that she had practiced it. It was annoying because she was in her own personal bubble rushing through the section without any focus on anything else.

It is the same and known within music circles that if the performer is thinking, they have not yet reached a level of mastery where thinking is absent. Thinking being that one is still memorizing a form rather than knowing something. 

It is the same with children and their ability to read, and is probably so with all humans, that internal construct that directs their actions. The layers of thinking/experience rather than real knowing, accumulating and revealing where they are at and where they come from.  

Many times with young children, the experiences and movements, as reactions are visible in the process of processing words. I remember working with someone that could barely read. They are an adult in their fifties. I started to read the impulses and asked them if what I described was their childhood. And they agreed. 

It would make sense because if we build a personality suit ourselves through the selections we make, it has to be visible. That part of us that built our own is that same part of us that is bale to read the same in others. Overall, all of this a distraction. It occupies our focus to such an extent we lose sight of what we are, and where we are, and how we are.  

There are humans that can hear the first few words of a novel, and recognize the writer. After all, it is a math, one of many dimensions. 

I have asked many people if they remember talking to anything as children. Many have responded. Someone said birds, another fish, another trees, another sand. After all, are not these things a math too? And that is a focus on the living world, as opposed to the shadow world of personalities. That which adheres to an industrialized consumerist system, a top down system. The opposite of life. I mean, look at the cells of our bodies. They are differentiated and yet one. There are no followers and no leaders. There is only a sense of parts working together. Silver threads all of the togetherness of all things. 

Hence, why fear a mind consciousness? Why fear a personality suit? Why be paranoid of such when the practical is always here in plain sight? And if one asks questions and receives a reaction, a running away, then one knows where one is at in relation to facing a focus lost in a layered " set body of information." 

And that point of triggering that one should look, has protections in place to avoid the unsettling feeling of fear. And here is a consequence of separation from the knowing of differentiation coupled with each different structure being aware of all other structures that compose and generate life itself as creation.  One is able to hear the composition. One has to walk out of the rejection of hearing here. 

There is always a visible tension and racing, and agitation in a reaction. When one listens, and has the desire to stop playing the personality game, a movement happens where the person steps forth and comes towards one, the speaker attempting to disperse the veil of personality. Some react and tense up and some step forward. And this varies by degree. Some play peek-a-boo. I have yet to direct through that scenario. lol 

I suppose the question is as to what degree one triggers the personality suit to the extent one is like a mirror, where the ranting personality hears only itself, like imagery bouncing back onto a person, where they catch a glimpse of their deception, their separation from who they really are. 

Our personalities have become a form of industrialization of mankind. " Pick a suit and play the game, even though the earth is burning."  At death that suit falls away, and memory is lost. An older person speaks with mixed-up past events, as though that personality suit is fractionalizing, as there is no longer enough of the real life substance available to continue the selective narratives. Those same narratives that were repeated again and again just before death. And then the anger and the restlessness. I suppose a loss of one's personality suit has a slow decline and then with hindsight it is more visible. Today, according to some research in aging, basically everyone has dementia. I asked many of my friends about their experience with their aging parents and the patterns are all the same. Though many think they have reconciliation at the end of the death process. What has happened is a more innocent presence comes forward, one that is more agreeable. I wonder if the absence of the anger and the narratives generates an agreeable fool, one that nods their head in a more gentle state, and that has the personality of the grown children feel like the aging parent is finally listening to them. Little do they realize it is the exact opposite. Perhaps there is some vestige of humanity, and the personality absent parent appears at peace. It is the absence of reaction that appears to be a final forgiveness. Too many have said they reconciled at the end. And then they say their parents are with them from the afterlife. This is more personality suit generations. And that is all. 

Hence, the patterns of our separation are all around us. And meanwhile, the togetherness of all things is there, like a current running through everything. 

It is like there is a front and a back system, and yet the front system of separation is at the back in the flesh and the natural presence that is behind the personality is in the front. 

The thin-king of thinking, and the curiosity of wanting to know why certain choices were made. Day 864

I have a headache, it has come forward here and there in the past few days.. or couple of weeks. 

I get a glimpse of this " form" in my body and sense the confines of it. It is usually that habit of thinking something through, where I see myself curious about some action or choice, or in an attempt to understand why someone behaved the way that they did. 

Am I using the " sixth sense'? That reflecting sense, that pattern sensing sense? That sense where one stands back and sensing the form? Something one uses when one reaches out into the space because there is an emotional friction about something and nothing within appears to fit that friction? Is that same 6th sense able to sense the history of old wood? Is that what mice use? Like those animal whisperers who sense the immediate past where an animal has walked, those that read trails and stalk animals. That imprint left on the ground. 

Are we enclosed in a very very narrow focus on an internal idol of information, all the while our sixth sense, our presence is able to sense what is all around us, and the stories of movement on earth? Is that why aging has become a shrinking and compression? That appeared to happen to my mother. I remember noticing a change in my parents over the years, something was happening to them. And it was a form of compression. A hardening. 

Then I find myself going through my whole internal filing system, to find a pattern and realize a motivation for a behavior. This exacerbates the headache. It is as though my headache is beginning to show me my habits. And the system inculcates such habits. Thomas Paine makes a note about accepting something one knows is out of whack will make that acceptance of a mis-take normal. Then outcry against the habit happens. Time eventually uncovers the false movement.  A third grader would probably understand that more than an entrenched adult.

When my mother moved through her death process, she lost memory, and she became more like a child. Like she was listening to directions more, wanting direction.  As though she was emptying out, and as that the " innocence" grew and she listened more.  At one point I said that perhaps it was time to let go. Using the filler " perhaps" because I believed it would dampen the suggestion.  My mother did listen, her quiet rather than a reaction was telling. I was surprised. Often, when I am surprised I am rendered dumb, meaning I don't speak because my assumption, a fear and as such hyper-inflated,  takes time to process, thereby rendering me dumb. lol

This happened with my father too when he suddenly acknowledge what an internal system of separation rendered one as one's behavior. He also started to share more experiences from his childhood. My mother never came to that point. 

The headache, let's get back to that. 

It has tentacles down into my leg - so to speak.  Within this, I find I am rejecting all the flow of information on the web. it seems an endless spin. A busy-ness that spirals around and around and around. It appears that answering to the spin pulls one into the spin. And the push back of and as reaction. Seemingly endless. It begs the question as to whether a projection of lesser manifestation has any real continuity? And that it goes nowhere. Here, the practical has been helpful, as it cuts away excessive worry, which is fear. Is this a practice that is how one gradually grounds one's self in the common sense of what is here? There definition of wisdom is to use knowledge, experience, common sense and discernment.  Embrace all of it, and sort it out.  Just like clearing a house, or learning to ride a bike. 

When I find myself wondering, or wandering in wondering, I stop.  Just like having read so many novels, the whole was revealed in the first sentence, which must be a thing because people are known to recognize a novel from hearing the first five words. That is sensing patterns, sensing a signature, and a signature has a pattern. 

When I recognize the spin, I breath, I sense my body and stop the habituated curiosity to " decode" the spiraling entity. That seems to shift the headache.  After all, at the end of the day, has one used creation, one's nature as creation, to build an image about something, rather than a connection with what is most real?