Day 382 Paranoia of the unknown; Lack of common sense

The mind separates through limited value directive, ignorance of being here equal and one with the physical.  With playing the violin one must be aware of all the mechanics, the tensions of the sting, the space of self as the arm, the legs the body, all balanced no tension, and the nature of the instrument, the volume of sound moving through the wooden “ box” of the instrument and how the physical of self is, meaning relaxing the muscles, as there is no ability to sustain the lifting of one’s arms for three hour rehearsals without getting tired. THe back has to be straight and balanced to the point where it feels suspended, meaning no weight anywhere. Then movement is there and one does not get tired. The connections between the bow and the fingers must be tight, but not forced more sensed. This, when done is a kind of absolute focus. And even here , this cannot become automatic, or things start to get sloppy, and then one wonders what happened, when there was a separation within being directive. Even here, this can expand into the others players, realizing that one is moving with all the other players, and when the other players are there the whole thing becomes an intimacy, where all are moving together, and then the real “ magic” begins. It is just simple, being here - as much as this was accomplished within the context. Now imagine this world being this? If we were all here, moving in awareness of the physical, no judgement, equal and one with this earth, sensing the space as the physical world, communicating and living with and as it, equal and one. To have this, this world must get in order, must be cared for, realized for the value that it is. This means taking care and being here, muscles relaxed and directed, fed and at their optimum, where we each and everyone are directive, balanced, living, in the present. Until we have created this on earth, we are not living, none of us. Having this in little bubbles or pockets here and there is not enough, it must be all of earth, every inch.  This might seem like having the special effects of life, using movie terms,  be real, be here, be communicated, actual real living of the  special effect of life, in every breath, here. If one became life, there would be no death, and transformation would be living. Yet, this cannot be  until the instrument, as earth, is polished/whole/”oiled”/repaired/valued/self directive. Each part must be self directive as all as one as equal. The “ central” “ dictate” must be each part as itself, self directed, here. Thus a structure of centralized dictate will not work, each part of the form of the physical must be directive within equal understanding that the value is life as the very essence of each part, directing within awareness of and as this. This is why a centralized regime, as what has existed within different names touted as something other, cannot work, This action is usurping reality; separate from reality as the physical.  Interesting, usury is usurpation of reality, a separating device allowing a judgement of more than to be fed; separation from reality. And we are all to blame as we have accepted the judgement of more than and less than, instead of being respectful of the life that surrounds us and is us. We are so busy fearing for our survival that we seek ways to release that fear, instead of learning to direct ourselves here. And in the frenzy an order in separation from life has become the system on earth, as the few pull the rug out from under our feet, as they are in fear too.  If we want a directive to begin to see what we have done, this earth must be brought equal to the order of life as the physical, respecting and caring for this earth, every inch, and then can we begin to walk the journey to life, the gift given that we have been denying ourselves. What we have denied has become the unknown, so consumed by the fear of survival which is the reaction of rejecting the life around us, and the only way out of this fear, is to turn and face the storm of our separation, manifest within as emotions, thoughts and feelings of judgement inherent within the  social structures of class and gender, race and nationality, which we learn from media and family placement within the divisions, we learn borders from life, the parts of life made huge and thus separating from equality of all value as the actual physical world being equal, of equal voice, of equal sound.

Thus this life is unknown, and the fear is the undoing of each of us from what is real as the physical.  If you believe that man is more than life, than this earth, just try and stop breathing, you will get no where. Thus, to believe that something can be patented, is to say that something discovered is owned by a few, but it cannot be owned because it has been here supporting us, it is only an idea that when something is discovered it is owned but this is a red flag that has a truth, because we are made aware of something does not mean ownership physically, and the ones that have discovered have done so at the expense of everyone and everything of this physical world that is the support of that thing having the ability to discover, so no one has done something on their own, they were within their place because of the physical world and all the support of men from generations back.. Only ego believes itself to be a more than as mind, in a bubble as thought in separation from physical reality. This is why a lack of support for all the physical world is a crime, a treason of life, as it is ignorance of reality.  It is a limitation of ignorance and thus a state of being that is within a paranoise creating a unknown, a veil of judgement in becoming bigger than life, a distance from reality, an energetic storm. A halo of separation, a monster consuming the flesh, as nature cleans up what is separate and thus destructive of it.  If one is busy throwing a tantrum then one cannot be directive here.

SO, we must stop within and look at what we are being in detail. Look at ourselves with every breath to see what we are in fact being, to know what we are within every movement , sense ourselves here with ourselves as life, as the very substance of what we are composed of, this which is able to realize the space of here. To slow ourselves down and become aware of ourselves, discover the being of ourselves in separation as our thoughts, emotions and feelings that have become what is real when these are ourselves in separation from life. And how these thoughts of judgement, have created the system without that we are now bound to unless we stand and remove the structure of division that we have built in the likeness of our separation, to allow us to clean up the the paranoise of fear and stand equal and one to and with the physical world. At the moment we are standing as separation as mind, as judgement as fear of an unknown we have created and accepted and allowed as it is the ignorance of life, the life that supports and surrounds us, our separation from what is real, here the physical, our common sense of this actual physical world. It is through a common sense of the physical that we become equal and one to and as life. A common sense of the physical means understanding the physical and working with it, absolutely. And each point of the life that is here that is equal in form, works together to realize what is best for all, how life functions within and as what is best, what is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the value judgements I have learned as class, gender and nationality are not good or bad, have become all that i am and in trying to maintain what i am I have ignored awareness in common sense of this actual physical world and thus separated myself from here, from my own common sense of life and thus have separated myself into limitations that I then fear losing as this is the limitation I have accepted and allowed, which is being inferior to life, and blaming the world around me as I believe myself to be superior when I am in separation from my own common sense in and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in the paranoise of judgement in and as the divisive thoughts of value judgement in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the value judgements that are the voices in and as my mind are myself maintaining a grid of separation, denying myself the qualities of myself as life, believing them to be separate from myself, and thus spiting others that have qualities that I believe I lack and attending to others that support the limited qualities that I believe that I am, when this is myself existing within limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how the mind functions, as the voice of my separation, as the values taught that in totality are a limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my emotions and feelings are a compression, a obsession with my thoughts that have continued for so long as my survival suit that I am not even aware that my emotions and feelings are simply the accumulation of my thought, my own self accepted and allowed debt of what I allowed as my separation from life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand  how my separations from life, as emotions and feelings are of energy, that need constant validation, and that this self validating action is an energetic storm that needs constant attention and thus within this process of separation I have created a personification that consumes my flesh as this being of myself is not equal and one to and with my own common sense of the physical, and thus as I age I lose a sense of here, as this is the measure of my separation from the physical world, from life, from what is real, from what gives me life, what allows me to breath, without which I cannot exist and be life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my behaviors of spite and blame, of self abdication of life as what this is, where in the process of being spite and blame I am protecting and defending my own limitations and self directive capacity as what I am able and capable of using common sense with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing up and speaking up about how the mind and our emotions feelings and thoughts function, and that the separations we have accepted and allowed have accumulated resonantly within to the point where the words we speak are burdened with out separations and the words of others and ourselves trigger within that which we have not equalized clearly in common sense with the actual functioning of this physical world, and thus we stew in our own separations, living reactions in fear, instead of common sense here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when i blame and am spiteful, I am existing as mind in separation, and that this is fear, as is the nature of separation from here, and here it is for myself to slow down and to breath, and to see, realize and understand that this fear is a thin veil of illusion that need only be realized and walked with in common sense within directing within and as what is best for all, as what i would give because this is what I would want for myself, thus it is to give what one would want to receive in every breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I would not want my children to work like slaves sewing shirts that I pay nothing for, and then existing within a belief that I got a “ deal” and only seeing this, and feeling good about this, as I ignored that shirt was sewed by children and young adults that had no chance of education and development and who suffered horrific living conditions, that this is no way for life on this earth, that there is absolutely no justification for such an existence of the substance of life on this earth, and that it is my responsibility to realize how this has come to be life here and to stand as the change that would never allow such to exist on this earth again, and within this it is to realize that those who treasonously take the fruits as money of the labor of the many hands and generations of men, to live lives of material excessiveness, are living lives of separation as dissipation from equality and oneness in common sense of life here, what varies by degree is the illusion of time as one appears to have more time and another less time, but this is all a separation from equality and oneness in and as and with life here, where life is not reached as the accepted and allowed separations have become greater as consciousness than equality and oneness to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that i exist within an infinite design of separation from life, where I exist within judgement of more than and less than, moving from a more than to a less than as mind where i must slow myself down and see the infinite design of my own separation by standing outside of the polarities of my mind and using my common sense of here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my double speak as mind as being an either or, where the only solution is to choose what is best for all in consideration of life, in consideration of this actual physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this huge presence of fear as a seemingly ominous presence that is an illusion and to stand through this and realize it as the illusion that it is which I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my common sense and to see, realize and understand that there is no one hand that feeds us, and there is no one man who discovers how ignorant we as humans have in fact been when something supposedly “ new” is no longer an “ UNknown”  and that within this no one person, no one corporation, no one president is more than another being on this earth, as in all ways we are custodians of this earth, and as this it is only our ignorance as consciousness that has not “known” what was always right here, which is life, and that being lost in some self aggrandizing idea that because some administrator on one level of what is the same on every level, which is simple organization,  that they are somehow more,  leading to a delusion and behavior of total separation from life as “ kiss the hand that feeds you” is in fact the limitation that each of us has accepted and allowed and created as consciousness that is the culmination of ego as wanting to be some kind of super hero god, all in total ignorance of what is the value which is life, where there is no one hand, no central office of administration, as what is here directs in common sense as life, as what nature is, unless our delusional consciousness as our separation becomes so much of a paranoise of limited dimension/context only, that it begins to infiltrate the physical world and create like minded behaviors of destruction and disregard as reactions in fear of losing some idea of being a more than, which is a disrespect of the physical world which is the very substance of life that enables life, thus it is time to remove the delusional representative system of self aggrandizing  behaviors of separation from life as consciousness and create a system that supports all life as the value, realizing there is no life until all the physical world is cared for and clean, that all humans are educated and that the humans are not something to suppress in fear of competition, as this is suppression of life and thus treasonous to life on earth,  where a system of direct democracy will be the very method of prevention that allows each human to become educated within understanding what is best for all as what each is capable because each is life or they would not exist.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in essence what we all want as life is to give as we would like to receive and thus, this means to walk the voices of separation as judgement in and as our minds, back into equality and oneness as life, to follow through with what is best for all as this is best for self, where we all want to be able to take care of our families and this earth, to have a home for shelter and to be able to develop ourselves in awareness as our physical bodies, and to be able to give our children and out pets, the animals, the plants what is needed to thrive as life here, as we all know that the superficial roles and material possessions offered by consumerism, though not all bad, do not in fact life make, do not infact develop us within our full capacity, and thus it is to realize that it is only ourselves that can direct ourselves physically and to do this certain opportunities must exist in order for development, which is why it is denied by those that have, as they fear the competition, not realizing in their inferiority to life, that the only choice is to do what is best for all, where collateral damage does not exist, as collateral damage means that all things have not been considered and respected as a part of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am in judgement I have not considered all things, and thus my reaction is of self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how my mind in fact functions to show me where I am in separation from and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which I long for is that which I reject in and as a belief that I am inferior, where it is only a part of myself that I have separated from myself here as life, as what is here is the same as me as life.

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Day 56 My Husband lit himself on fire /hung himself . Suicide

Day 56 My Husband lit himself on fire /hung himself . Suicide

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see realize and understand how stressful a system of survival is, where money determines who lives and who dies, determines if my children will have a decent education, will determine where I live, the state of my health and the existence of life on earth in totality, where I as the human, am responsible for the state of existence on earth as it is the hands of men who have built and accepted  and allowed this world as it is to exist, where no god is coming to save us, now or in some after life, as what is real is this physical world, and as this is what is real, as we have not transcended death and no one has seen the supposed make believe after world, this earth is reality and thus is heaven for the human to create, as no real “god” would want his children’s hands held, would instead want his children to learn to stand, to learn to walk, to learn to breath as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that incessant worry and thinking about money and organizing it, and getting it, and maintaining existence for my children within a system that has made money what is god, as money determines life, where banks are allowed to charge countries high interest overblown loans that cannot possibly be paid back, knowing full well that the bank is turning the resources of these countries - which includes human labor-  into economically indentured servitude where the profits are collected by the few based on a signature on a piece of paper which is in contradiction to this physical world, a planet that gives unconditionally as no label as to who owns what has been placed by nature onto any resource that exists on this earth, thus ownership is created by man, enabling a few to profit and cloister the freely given resources of this earth to benefit only a small portion of the life existent on this earth, enslaving the rest to a petty game of survival where no life is developed, evident in the fact that there is no transcendence of death, and only the worship/warship of an imaginary friend/god promising some image of an afterlife that no one has ever seen.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there comes a point where a person is so filled with frustration and hate and suppression of self as life that that person can no longer take the inner pressure and fear and will decide to release himself/herself from the pain caused by the accumulation of stress and worry and self judgement - as the system promotes that if one does not work one cannot make a living, even though there are billions starving who cannot work as the resource beneath their feet is so easily taken out while supposed charity support is so difficult to get into areas where such starvation exists which if looked at in common sense makes no sense, as obviously if man can fly to the moon man can feed this world and support life, but the few allowed and accepted to own resource must perpetuate the game in order to maintain a status above the rest and cannot allow the full development of the human as the human would then realize equality and oneness, that the physical is what is real and not what is taught as what is broadcast upon this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not not see realize and understand that what is broadcast on this earth will remain resonantly within and as my human physical body as my body is 70% water and this will take a picture - so to speak- of what is here, and this will remain with me and become the “sound” of me, where what is broadcast drives me to believe that success is driving a fancy car, or having an attractive woman, or owning the biggest house, or achieving the greatest power and stature in this physical world, where there is no principle behind the gaining of such things, and no real self directive substantial living that is my self the human able to transcend death, and within this what I am taught to chase is not real, only the creation of a picture in the image and likeness of the very pictures presented by current advertising, which is paid for by those who have a signature on a piece of paper that states ownership on a planet where the earth gives freely.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize, see and understand, that humans sitting around on couches watching television is not life, and is the image and likeness of zombies.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, that teen agers drinking themselves into  speaking in slurred tongues is not that child being an expression of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that an octogenarian sitting around in a vegetative state is not life, and this state is no way to end a life, and is the indication of a life that has not been lived but merely diminished, the opposite of life blooming to meet death in full awareness and transcendence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that a man hanging himself in an attic, or lighting himself on fire is a loud and clear statement that something is out of LIFE order on this planet.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when I am sitting in front of some shrink and they are telling me that “it is not my fault” and I become confused and have both thoughts of “yes, somehow it is my fault, and no if i were to hang myself then it would not be anyone’s fault but my own” and somehow the two cannot be reconciled yet both are somehow real, and if I look at this world in totality I will see, realize and understand that I a human as a collective have abdicated my self responsibility, as what has been told to the human to exist as, to love your neighbor as yourself, has not in fact been lived on this planet, and thus the crime of such behaviors as lighting oneself on fire and hanging oneself in an attic is indeed the fault of an allowed and accepted system that does not support life, but only support the profits made by endlessly divided freely given earth resource into a system of separation where money represents resource and is then given ownership as control to a very limited number of people, who then desire to remain on the top where all benefit of ownership and control allow a comfortable slow diminishing life experience instead of a pressure, starvation, disease, existence of a more painful and quick not transcending of death life.

I commit myself to understanding that suicide on this earth is an atrocity, that suicide is unacceptable and not and expression of life, thus, that suicide exists on this planet is a clear and loud scream that what the human is is not life, period.

I commit myself to understanding how the IMF/banking, economic hit-men, advertising, education, the change of a child able to rabidly learn to a child as adult that can no longer learn a new language with ease can be what the human as child into adult becomes, on this earth.

I commit myself to realize the lethargy and tiredness I feel when I come home from work is due to lack of proper nutrition, emotionally resonant beliefs, opinions and ideas that have never been resolved to allow me as the human to direct myself one and equal to life are caused - and are what as been accepted and allowed by every single human being on this earth-  by self abdication of self responsibility as life within, and the acceptance of a monetary system without that does not support life, but instead has turned money into what determines the state of life in this planet, an earth that gives unconditionally and in effect cannot be owned unless the human accepts and allows this.

I commit myself to realizing that there is no excuse that the resources of this earth be used to support all life, no matter what, and within this that each and every thought, emotion and feeling existent within myself that does not support this, is a reflection of where I myself have abdicated myself as an expression of what i am, which is life, where as life I am in fact one and equal to all that exists.

I commit myself to asking myself why I am not aware of all that exists on this earth, that I should be able to trade places with anything on this planet and be ensured of no matter where i am or what i am that I am an expression of life, and not a death of no awareness at death, of no transcendence at death, as this is a clear indication that I am in fact not life.

I commit myself to realizing that I am bitter , that I realize somehow that I have not lived, and that I blame this world, I blame objects and systems of no real name or objective clarity should i stop and really look at where and on what I place blame, that the blame I place is on in fact a system, and that this system is in fact a collection of humans, thus is the blame myself as I am a human, a part of an accepted and allowed system that does not support life, that takes what is freely given by this earth and uses money to divide this life sustaining resource to benefit only a few, causing stress and starvation for others, when what is here can support all life.

I commit myself to forgive all emotions and thoughts and feelings imbedded within, to begin the process of cleaning up a system of inequality on this earth that in fact does not support life so that the children to come will blossom as life and not as a future man lighting himself on fire, or hanging himself in an attic.

Life Review: Know thyself

The Soul of Money