Working with my own emotional firewalls Day 753

I had an interaction with a family member where I noticed that I rushed in something I said. If I look, I realize an pattern that I have lived come forward. It is a color of rushing, and of trying to get on top of something said, to both push it away and fix it. What also happened is that what was being explained by my family member, the overall story did not come out in one moment, it came out in a series of moments. This is noted because in hearing the whole situation, the movements being described became more clear. I realized that in the environment where things separate from this story, were being done, so the interaction moved from one focus to another, as the sort was told during the completion of other tasks. 

One of the states of belief I move into, is to rush, like to talk in such a way to fix a problem as though I know, before I hear the whole story. Like there is a sense that i am supposed to fix something. If I do not I am not a good person. I am inadequate. Within this I can see where this idea can become a distraction, and I miss elements of things only to be embarrassed later that I did not slow down and listen to the whole story of information that is describing itself to itself, because this is what we do in so many ways, to substantiate a person who is basically resolving something. Here, I want to say, it is almost as though humans do resolve their issues themselves, walk through them, what is needed more often than not, is listening, being patient. After all, one of the ways we have become a consciousness of separation is because we did not take the time to look, to slow down, to self realize, to walk our past actions, to deconstruct and reconstruct to realize how we are caught in a situation that is out of synch with an easy flow and understanding that is non-disruptive of what is more natural as a state of being present. 

In realizing the patterns of separation, in the game of blame and spite, projections of values onto others for a perceived fault, which is a perceived imbalance, there are sequences, of reactions and actions, patterns, and these can be realized and within such, one can become more patient, and listen, even within myself, and play with seeing the forms. Somehow, I rush within this, and it leaves a sense of unfinished business, where I then blame myself, become ashamed, want to go back and fix something, go into self pity, a sense of impossibility, when right there, was a flow of description that could see itself and resolve an issue. In a way, one only need retell the story, and lend a mirror image of actions that pull the whole together to allow a reciprocity for the teller to see more the parts and the whole, to have insight into what they are revealing to themselves, because in a way, we all know what we are doing. 

In a way, the solution is to bring forward the pattern for self recognition, that pattern given, through listening, and to use the imagination to show the form, to lend self discovery. This is being agreeable, and working through a mis-understanding, to allow insight with self as another as I would want this for myself. And, to be consistent with this process, to become more agile in recognizing it. After all, I am here, so why the rush? Becoming a rush to define, creates an information bias, or a focal distraction, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. It is lacking  a faith in the command of who and what i am as a human being, that can take in, or listen, to hear the whole form, to recognize patterns and align them with presence. Here presence means not being reactive, not wanting a gain, or, wanting what one would want for one’s self. BY this I mean, an understanding that in meeting with another with insight , one has a steady groundedness in understanding that can stand in time, and be more compassionate without coloring compassion as a value judgement as a gain. After all, humans are less anxious and more productive when they are focused.

On a greater scale, the time to listen to others, is so missing from our society. This is apparent in the form of our schools, that are more listening only to one person, as are the platforms of the media. We rarely have the time to get what we see, to reflect on what we are seeing in the very form of our busy lives. And yet, we are taught to listen, but not reflect on what we listen to.  We do not look at what we have taken in, and relate it to the practical that is so missing in our lives. And, ironically, what our younger people are losing the capacity to do as they become adults. I mean, I have read complaints that younger generations have no interpersonal and practical skills. How can they if they spend their childhood years only watching and listening, and without follow through into application? In some ways, as a society, how can we blame them when the adults have allowed a system that does not lend the time to listen, to be patient, to resolve, to place what is being heard, and as such, formed, into practical applications in this living reality? 

And, within this, punishment of this, is not correction. Thus, punishment is pointless, it is only more blame and spite. it is only more of the problem. It is like the dis-ease has to become so big, to much an ‘ elephant in the room’ before we acknowledge this. It is like the chemical fixes as drugs placed in the market, that have not had careful studies done, and that start having side effects that grow and grow, are buried, are denied until they can no longer be denied, and the drug is taken off the market. These actions of not taking real care, of not really listening to what we are doing, are not of benefit for us. How many times are we going to allow this before we realize there is only one choice? That choice is to slow down and listen, to realize the form, see and check the consequences, make sure there is no harm, and then move into action. Such care, real care, real consideration would lead to greater presence and more faith in who and what we are as mankind.  Otherwise, we all become personalities living in juggling the lack, and wonder why we did not really live our lives when we reach the end. This is why, there is not other choice, but the choice to do no harm, to take that which is good, as that which brings clarity of practical purpose, and to realize the patterns within of separation and the focus of and as what grounds us here, to be present in this life, in the art of real  living. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the valley of value judgements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and hear the whole story, to allow that story to come forward, in all it details, which means in this present existence, of busyness that sometimes the whole story takes time to unfold.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some form of competition, and that I must prove something about who and what I am, when I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a quick fix, not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I speak, before I speak, especially after having walked so many patterns that I can ask myself if I have enough information, and even to ask more questions to bring what is informing and occupying another, and myself to get into all the corners of the story, to check and make sure a clear understanding is formed, to them begin to deconstruct and reconstruct into what lends presence , as greater presence brings greater insight, to the extent the gift given which is natural and who and what we are as humans,  is aligning into clarity, into practical actions that can move with no uncertainty, and a real groundedness that brings ease.

I forgive myself for, as  a reaction to my own default, for allowing and accepting myself to move into self pity, self blame and self hate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then move into a belief that things are impossible, when I am here wit what is constant as the presence of life. of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down, and to realize in every breath in every moment that I as who and what i am as life, can slow down, listen, be patient. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus on a belief that I am not enough, and that remembering being grounded here, is impossible, when I am possible as who and what I am in form and function as a living being, as a man, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into resistance, I stop, I breath, I slow down, and I see realize and understand resistance as a red flag, to realize whereIi am rushing, disrespecting who and what I am as life, as self blame, blame, comparison/competition,  self pity/ disempowerment,  giving up, self hate, and I stop, I breath, I ground myself here, to live the practice of presence and patience, to stand as what is real, as the practice of being present in who and what I am, to live the realization that there are no problems only solutions, and that who and what I am, is more natural.

When and as I find myself moving into a sense that things are impossible, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I become agile in living insight, leading to living solutions with consistency, to stand in living the joy of understanding and being in and with and as the presence of who and what I am, which is life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that something is impossible, I stop, I breath, I listen, I hear, I stand with presence in consideration of all things, breathing through anxiety, to hear what is in synch with life, as this physical world that is me, and that is all around me here.  

Day 696 Does Consciousness work differently than we think? What is the simple?

The simple makes the steps small, outlines them, structures them.

The simple grounds, lends ease and turns inflated ideas into possibilities, into measurable applications.

Fear inflates values, causing chaos and the loss of communication with life. This is a loss of connection to the practical. When that moment appears, that moment of clarity, then that which blinded and covered life, shrinks into points that are but specs in space. This is when one can see the potential in creation, that field of endless possibility that was hidden, or shrouded by one’s fear.. What was huge and distracting, as a polarized and inflated energy, downsizes and becomes a memory of information of a mis-take, a process for gotten as what it is- like learning to walk.. Guilt and shame and self pity, are more of the same as blame and spite. 

That point of believing the inflated values that distract from the simple, can in every moment be made small, as I can remain constant in accepting the world around me, the physical that is in plain sight. We can as what we are, do one thing at a time so there is the space and time to realize what blocks seeing what is in plain sight. 

We all have moments where we see a way forward that is clear, as though we suddenly see a structural whole, yet to direct ourselves here, means moving one small measure forward, just like building a house. That next step must be walked. If I were master of myself, would I be able in every moment to see the whole and remain in the small, as that point of creation building, as that next step? Would this bring joy and the satisfaction that comes with real focus in the present moment? 

I mean I can fret over taxes, yet my taxes are done within adding numbers together. This is collecting digits about things and placing them into a form. I mean, cooking food involves more than this. Food has so many more qualities than adding up income earned and expenses covered. I can go back and look at bank account detail and highlight each expense in a color, and then add them all up. Twelve banks statements is really a very small number! It makes me wonder how our government can have a deficit especially when there are lots of people adding up the digits.. In today’s world with data collection, how can our government have unaccounted for money? Why do we listen to mandates based on data by a system that has no account in other areas? The answer is that we cannot. It is simple. 

How is it that I can see this in one area, and in another moment inflate some value and react to something with charged emotion? This is revisiting the point of seeing a response of ‘ complicated’ as myself not being practical, and here, and in the moment. I am the cause of complicated, which is really myself resisting myself. I can blame no one but myself. And why must I return to the simple, realizing it is a signature of being present?  Because this is the only way towards that kind of focus that in nature lends a sense of real ease. This is accepting creation.

In other words, I cannot make a decision until I realize the measure right in front of me, and understand it so well, I can move around within it, as in assess the information from many perspectives, with ease. This is a fearless ability to stand and assess, to investigate, to define and to question, to build a framework within any given area, and move in ways that cause no harm. It is who and what I am as life, always here, and that is myself hearing the potential of creation in every moment. This is becoming humble in relation to life. This is forgiving myself in respect of life, the physical being life information.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/perception-brain-time-slices_us_570fedb8e4b0561c9f043a79

What is automaticity and what is a thought?

In the education system there is something called automaticity. This is when some information, some measure about something has been ‘ owned.’ Meaning that one knows it so well, they have integrated that information.  

When a musician practices something, again and again, understanding a movement, a measure, a unit of space, that musician is automating a piece of measure, a piece of how a space is and the things used to express within space. That is practiced until it is automated, where one can ‘ zip’ file through the information so fast, they are no longer thinking about it. This can become automated, or rather , this is automation.Which means overall, we automate the information we practice.

This goes both ways, we automate what we think about. 

One thing I learned within this, within being a violinist, is that the information can be automated and if I no longer cross reference that information to check it, I lose touch with it and the information takes over. I had to learn to stand within the form, within the information as a structural guide, or the information took over and when facing something new, some new form, I would become ‘ upset’ because I was not present and using that which absorbed the information to use the information as a structure to ground me, while at the same time remaining aware. Automation is cool, because it reveals how we work, yet can be used to become a set body of information, that one has forgotten is just this, something practiced until it was understood, or accepted, and then becomes an  inner structure ABOUT reality, and something to allow processing reality, yet is never reality.

In other words, we become the measure we accept and allow. A recent example of this is a talk I had about Hillary Clinton. A woman said that she ‘ feels’ that Hilary as a woman would make a good president. Hence what is a feeling if we understand how we come to be automated with information? I ask myself, “ did that woman grow up in a feminist household” Was the ‘ information’ as the measure practiced again and again about the need for woman to be considered equal”  Did this information accumulate and become automated, and forgotten as to how this was built, to the point where the person ‘ intuits’ as a “ feeling” that we need a woman president despite any and all practical measures as to what Hillary supports or does not support in fact in reality?

Does this mean that a ‘ feeling’ is based on a set body of automated information, which is what beliefs, opinions and ideas really are?  And does this not show how the immense sensitivity of the human body, that absorbent ability that is the means of sensing space and quality and measure, and so able to take in that information, be an accumulation within as a personification of information ONLY, information running on automatic- and that information running on automatic no longer remembered to be just that, as it is so huge within us- in tandem with a lack of remembering to assess reality, or cross referencing reality, in every moment -that we become divided among ourselves, when we are the very fabric that is creation? Would this not create a waring society of personalities? Would this manifest as racism, classism, nationalism, culturalism etc. ? Do we forget then to take that which is good and does no harm, when this is what we would all want for ourselves? 

And would this reveal the real generator of the present system that controls and orders in a monopolistic way to place the separation of each of us into some form of non-destruction because this ‘ feeling’ that is information in automation has forgotten where and how the information was built? And would the so-called elite fear this body of automation that is in separation from reality and try to order it and control that lack of self understanding , and self control and self responsibility in practical cross reference of reality in every breath?

Yes.

We must forgive ourselves the trespass of a mind consciousness of information that is in separation from reality, a practice that has become automated. We are, all of us, basically moving as automated information that has forgotten reality, forgotten to cross reference reality, as the physical world.  We can begin by asking ourselves “ What is a feeling?”  “What is an emotion?”

“ What is the automated information that is me?” “ What am I generating?” What am I placing within me as the information that is me, and am I passing this information down to the next generation?” “ What is a thought?”  What is that information doing to my children?” “ Are they having to sort out what I did not sort out?” “ What legends of information am I leaving for the life that is here on this earth?”

If we want to realize out natural ability to absorb and understand, as this is what and who we are as the very gift of presence as life within us, we can begin by realizing what information we have accepted and allowed to define who and what we are and ask ourselves where that information came from, and what it is generating. We have to begin by asking ourselves where we have ignored reality in how we have automated information that we express, believing that information within -which is never the real information, as the physical - to be what defines who and what we are. A personality that could be disorder from what is real as physical states of being, on a physical world from which we absorbed knowledge and information. It is time to become practical, to cross reference reality, to assess what is real, as the world around us, and the information that is not equal and one to respecting the physical in every moment , in every breath.

I would begin by asking yourself, “ What is a thought?”

Check out DIP Lite. A free course to begin to realize how emotions and feelings are generated and to walk a process of understanding who and what we are. 

Day 566 The usurious smoke and mirrors valley of good and evil. HALOgraphics as mind/consciousness.

I had an movement this week where I was like in a fog, as I moved by association, a collection of values guided by a random projection onto objects that I as mind am not always aware of. This keeping me locked and inferior to really transforming  with the life around me into understanding, as what I have allowed to build as a  wall of protection and self defense All an idea to remain within the pyramid of survival, always  a pyramid scheme that will not sustain, is not sustainable, just as what men are doing as the world system, as this is the manifestation of what each is within that has become an imposed system without, forcing itself to get its limited way, inferior to life, disrespectful of the physical. We need only look to Ukraine, to Syria, and to Israel and to many other parts of the world to see, realize and understand this. and we all hide in spite and blame, projecting responsibility onto others to avoid the gift of life as a capacity to work with physical earth existence in ways that do no harm, and create a world where the needs of physical beingness  can be met as this is life in expression, this is the means of life. As mind we divide by association and create a persona of limited measure, using a means that divides the substance of life into a good and a bad, an energetic polarity system,  where we take that which we believe is good because it fits into a self definition that we fear moving out of having forgotten ourselves as life in a constant state of physical transformation, a slow process to give one the time to participate and discover and create,  not scary when accepted, but scary in relation to fearing to change, when the change is life in expression, as this movement is the joy of and as life here, so, we give up our joy to hold onto an idea, and then reject a small measure of change, as what does not fit that idea, and reject  it, blaming and spiting what lacks and does not support this. And this is the source of the pyramid scheme on earth that is overall a separation from common sense, from what circulates and sustains the physical world. We must choose life, as this is what we all want, beyond the confusion of the mind, our stability is to become equal to the physical, which means to practically respect is, which is to act in ways that do no harm, which is to give as we would want to receive.

One has to forgive the spite and the blame, and open up the map of association, built of beliefs, opinions and ideas, to undo the self accepted knot that is an undulating smoke and mirrors show, that is the valley of good and evil, one that envelopes as mind, right here, as each of us, our separation from practical reality, as the physical.  The physical that can change in a seeable transformative way, that one need not fear but first each must give up what is a burden of self definition, one that weighs each down if we allow and accept it. The only choice is to become equal and one to and with and as the physical, realizing that each expression as the physical as earth, is what enables a definition that moves as one in creation in totality. This is what we all seek, here. Thus our system without of usury must come to an end.  Our minds within playing a protection and defense game, building a wall of separation from ourselves,  built of association as values held onto to define ourselves as what is a dis-ordered personality, an inner usurious act, must stop spinning as this is a halo of thoughts so occupying that perspective of all parts as the physical REAL world is ignored, cannot be seen, and this inner action, consumes the flesh of and as us to ignite itself, and so we die, never having lived and in the process destroying the lives of the children, the next generation of life, one that will come to an end, for all things on earth as earth unless we stop, and we breath, and we slow ourselves down to see, realize and understand our separation from the gift of life, of which the process of self forgiveness and writing and corrective application is the action.

Day 545 The Spin

The Spin

I went to this conference and this woman explained this system. She spoke for quite some time. But she said very little. It was like a deja vu in words, so to speak. Like there were phrases that one could make one statement, but instead went round and round as a follow through that was a repetition of the first phrase that used some different words but was the same thing. Again and again.

While she was talking, I listened, because I am practicing listening to another all the way without doing anything else but listening. I became very restless, squeamish. It was like I wanted to scream. I remember being this way as a child in a classroom. But I could not explain why.

Later as I looked back at this, it hit me how words are sound, how we are a sound movement, and  that when we are using our words to describe, as this woman did, that when words are energy, they are describing very little dimension, so they have no real volume. As such, words can fill the space, speak the same limitation again and again, and the limitation can be a lack of placing what the words describe into a context that sees the whole, that aligns with the whole, so the words and what they describe are not good or bad, but limited and lacking context in totality.

The positive and negative charge, as reactions, can be within a bubble as this when one wants to clarify within the limitation as the words of another because one can become lost in the spin of the limitation. Here it is to see the whole of what someone is saying and giving it perspective - as in standing back and remembering the context, as in what a schools and teaching is about, as in building a child that can become an effective adult. But, if this is not taught as a movement from the beginning, this is not the practice of men. The absence of which, if allowed to accumulate, would build conflict instead of resolution between men. As we can see, the state of being of men as a whole, is not aligned to the contest of the whole. The consequence is perpetual conflict. So, those who “ win” simply use the consequential conflict in self interest. If we understood that much, each of us would have done the same. This is why there is only self forgiveness, and forgiveness for all the limiting forces caught in this spin as each level caught in limited measure as the system around us imposed on the biggest part of the whole, the physical world that is life information.

I have been standing up and speaking with people, and at times I get restless, like I am rushing within, and at the same time, trying to be aware of what I am doing, how I am responding, how I am reacting. I have allowed myself to hold onto a goal, and raced with this. But in so doing, I conceptually missed the measure of another within the total insight as to what they were as a measure of expression.

Within and as this I lost the ability to conceptualize within the parts and the whole. I was too busy spinning around wanting to justify, to give justice to what I had to say, and in so doing began to race against space and time information conceptually. And within this, I mean being aware of where I was, who I was, what was moving as the world around me.

I mean , this can happen in music, where one is performing with others who have different parts. If the measure of each part is not hearing the other, there is no alignment happening within the piece, if there is a “ technical understanding” with each performer on each part and everything is aligned, the piece ends up being either chaos, or like different voices that are not aware of one another. When each is aware of the other, they are aware of the physical space and the moving parts, and can move as one, together. So, if there is a mis-step, all align within it. There is also the dimension of bringing one part forward and another becoming quiet, because music can be moving in many different ways, and the awareness of this as a whole can create the total form of the musical piece. And, lol, one can get to the point where one realizes the piece one is playing is really flat, as in not having much interplay or dimension use. It is interesting that in educational research, children who study music have a greater conceptual ability, and often are hired as managers because of this. Overall, this tells us how as humans we are able to see space and time, and we are able to read the movement of the world around us, as though we are the perfect machines/organic robots to do so. But this begs the question as to why there are any children who lack this innate capacity as what we are, and within this lack, exist as behaviors that are in essence destructive to this natural ability to be self directive in ways that do no harm? Such allowance is a crime against life.

If I am raging within ideas, as mind, I am not in common sense of here. I become a thin volume repeated again and again. I have to with every breath become the context of here, as physical reality, to see the spin as mind of another, who is not saying anything bad or good, just magnified within and on the context of physical space and time which in total is the sound of here as life, as this is the only place life could be information, living and breathing.

And, because, here withstands the test of the spin as the mind - which must repeat itself endlessly to survive because it has no real equality to life information contextually, I need not fear not understanding something because the spin of the mind is repetitive and as such there is eternity to grasp its limitation and to bring this back into balance with the physical. lol

So, in essence, there is no place to fall but here, no matter the emotional storm spinning around as mind, here. But, if I have one moment of wanting to win, or one moment of getting off kilter, I lose the capacity to realign and balance out within and as equality with the whole as the physical being life in sound motion, with myself as sound mind. Sound motion, is gentle and forgiving as it is building life, so to speak.

So, it is like to slow down to speed up, to stop the spin of the mind existent as a measure of judgement, and to become practical, the practice of remaining here, within the context, of the physical life information, the cutting edge of creation, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something to win, as i am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dis-regard life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to shame myself with stories as mind, and allowing and accepting myself to make this more real than the life around me as the physical, not seeing realizing and understanding that in my separation from life, I seek life, and it is here, cradling me with every breath, right under my feet.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that physically, as I allow myself to race forward as idea as mind, I create a friction, like a windshield in and as my chest area, that is myself racing forward in space and time as beliefs, opinions and ideas, as my heart is tied to belief, instead of equal and one, in measure of here, as the physical, in common sense of that which I ironically seek, which is life information, that is here with every breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear falling, and to not slow down within and as this, to see, realize and understand that this falling is a sensation within and as my mind, that is at times like a deceleration, in no longer allowing myself to exist as a fantasy in and as the mind, where the measure as an idea may not be good or bad, but is in separation from being equal to the physical, here, and that within this, when there is friction and conflict, it is to slow down and realize that the measure of separation is a limitation that speaks its separation again and again, like a deja vu, and as such is a gift exposing separation and can be brought back to here and placed into the context of the whole as the physical cutting edge of and as creation as life information.  Thus, when and as I react as an emotion of feelings based on idea as mind where the good projection hides the judgement of a bad, as overall what i am defining myself in and as, and because of am not stable and constant, gentle and humble, self directive and self responsible in ways that balance out conflict and friction, I am in effect, not equal and one to and with, and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to race against space and time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I become reactive, I am in conflict with life, as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the “ smoke and mirrors “ show of the mind, as limitations that are not good or bad, but as limitations if carried out in deed can cause harm to physical reality, can become the directive of me, within and as the point of life information as a human being here, only if I accept and allow this, thus as this I am responsible for what I accept and allow with and as every breath, here.

i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that only as, as the point i am here, as a physical manifestation in and as life, can be the directive that is equal and one with the physical information of life, that is all around me, in every moment, and that within this the irony is that i am never alone, because I as life information as a physical entity, am all one, and thus, as mind, I am the creator of the spin of my separation from and as life, as I have accepted and allowed the construct of myself as mind, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the separation from life, as how mankind has lived has been going on for generations, and as such the separation “ measure” is imbedded within our DNA, as this is the imprint of our actions, which science is now measuring as it is realized that memories are carried through generations of men, which is a tradition understood in the words passed down from each subsequent generation as, “ the sins of the fathers” thus the measure of our separation must be forgiven and that within this there is no one to blame because blaming the dead, is not a solution, and the dead cannot be punished because they are dead. lol

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this separation, because it is intergenerational and carried within the physical, and continued through acceptance and allowance as the behavior of each of us, as points on the ground of what holds this separation within, manifest as thought and word, carried into deeds that are the consequence of each individual acceptance and allowance, and the collective generational acceptance and allowance,  that this has accumulated into a system design without as the present system, as it reflects the within separation of men, and as such must be realized as a reflection of the same separation within, as the starting point, thus, it is also to realize that the debt accumulation as the present fiat system of money, is one and as the same movement as what each is allowing and accepting within as the expression of ourselves into a lesser volume of life, that is energy spinning around and consuming the flesh of ourselves as we separate from life, instead of standing one and equal to and with the sound of life as the physical, to become what we are in equal measure to be able to walk through the eye of the needle which is the physical, and as such to become equal and one, to that what we seek, to and as life, here.

When and as I find myself moving within as any measure of restlessness, or squeamishness, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I listen to the repetitive words as an energetic expression having no real volume in equal measure to the physical, as being the answer, the solution in the nature of its repetition, and I move into and as solution, within and as aligning/directing into the context of the whole, as consideration, as best as I am able because I have not been taught/ have not accepted and allowed life,  to be this which is no one’s “ default” but my own, and I use the principle of what is best for all, as being the consideration of the physical, which is the cutting edge of creation, which is what allows me to be an expression of life, here, and I use practical common sense to place a limitation - within and without- into and as the context of life, here.

When and as I find myself generating restlessness, as friction and conflict within and as me, I stop and i breath and I slow myself down, and I practice removing myself from the spin of the mind, as beliefs, opinions and ideas that I forgive myself for in the moment, and I stop the racing of my heart in relation to mind, and I bring myself here, to become of and as sound mind, equal and one with the sound movement of the physical, as that which is sound, meaning stable and constant and as such is what allows the physical form and function of life, that has remained constant because it stands in all its transformation, as that which withstands the test of time, here, and as this I slowly begin to circulate with and as life, as the physical, here.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain within and as listening to another, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I speak only when I can place a limitation within the context of the whole, without any expectation of gain, or fear of loss, because it is only when I am equal to the measure of here, as life , as the physical can I become, in thought, word and deed, the living word, in and as what is best for all, as what is best for all, is best for self, here.

           As Within, So Without. DIP Lite. FREE Process Life.

                                                               Eqafe.com

Day 539 The Me-sure as Mind Consciousness

Ego will never grasp the simplicity of self forgiveness. Bernard Poolman

Many times when I find myself solving a problem, the solution is there in a moment, it is of a common sense awareness, and it comes with ease. I respond with a sense of awe, wondering how and why I did not see something so simple in the first place. This happens a lot within the Desteni I Process.

This happens so often, that when I am not humble and at ease, moving here in this way, I have once again allowed myself to become the chaos of the mind. I am moving within a very very limited awareness, as I allow myself to follow a very limited construct that has become a concrete abstract of reality. It even uses the very substance of reality, as the physical to exist.

This happened yesterday. I had a fear, and idea, a theory about something I had to do. I began to “ think” about it, but not in relation to a practical common sense. Finally, I decided that I could only walk reality once I was within the situation I had allowed ideas built from uncertainty, as fear, to begin to infiltrate my being, here.

Interesting, that as I write this out, I am suddenly heavy with tiredness, just as what happened yesterday when I got to this point of letting my picture show go, and realizing that I can only address the situation in reality. Also, to note, that I had the practice and the principle of what is best for all as my framework.

This tiredness does have a thought, here, it is “ I am tired of trying to explain..”  Behind this, is a memory of trying to explain in so many ways, forgetting within this that learning to explain something in very simple ways takes time. Also, that I have to explain from experience, meaning real live practical experiences that I realized I had moved in a way that was in separation from what is simple, which is what is best for all. Always, there was division and ideas of losing something within a limited measure, a limited paradigm, a PARA digm that i had accepted and allowed within and as me. The tick tock of the pendulum from weighing and measuring the good and the bad, the “ what if” based on a picture within a system that is the same separation from reality. This chaos,  through division into more of less,  used values to determine choice, when that moment of simplicity, is found standing outside of this chaos of division into good and bad. This means to realize the physical world as the real sound expression. This physical world’s sound expression when left to itself , without a human consciousness mind-made-bigger-than-reality-consciousness, will naturally organize itself, balance itself, so it is here, in the real world that I see and can become symbiotic with what is me, the same as me, here. And this is the inclusion of all that is here, accepting all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I am tired of trying to explain.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become my mind only, and to believe that there is only an either/or outcome of win or lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare within a measure of win or lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, from this point, go into self judgement within a limited criteria of what is good and bad in relation to how I look, how I speak, my capacity based on my past of an innerstructure that I relate to as a late/past measure of what defines success according to a system of inequality where I slow down and I breath, and I stabilize into  what is the real value, which is myself participating, equal and one to the very sound of life here, which moves with the absolute purpose as a function information of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ashamed of myself for not considering all life as me, with each thought, word, and deed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fault myself, which is myself as a starting point in default of realizing that what is here as the physical is the means of my existence is the sound as the formation that moves in practical ways, on which I impose a limited construct as the very being of myself in a state of separation where I place value on limited aspects of multiple expressions of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an idea that I am not good enough, and as this to go into self pity, the pit of self as mind, operating within a limited measure manifest as a vapid , a vapor that is destruction instead of creation, a smoke and mirrors show, a valley of good and evil, that I allow as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that in fearing, inferring such insight as what existence is, as mind, I am in essence, not equal and one with and as myself as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I fear facing the storm of separation in others, I am accepting and allowing a fear of loss of what is a construct of limited values of good and bad, as I have allowed to define me, which is myself not looking here, seeing the patterns of separation, and as such myself not existing within common sense, and as such, this physical movement within and as me, becomes a heavy physical sensation of an inequality with that simplicity and humility that moves with ease, here, and as such, finds solutions and the directive capacity that is equality and oneness with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this default state of being, as mind, has no directive function because it is clouded by a fear of making a mistake, which is in itself an abdication of equality and oneness with and as the physical, and myself projecting based on a past as the details that build the judgement that does not move with the sound information of the physical that is life, here, of which I as life an one and equal to and as.

When and as i find myself becoming tired, I stop and I breath, and i slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that I can only face separation from common sense, and realize the patterns of separation as the voice of separation, as a separation is always on the lookout for reunion with the loss and/or looking for the loss as a gain, and as such visible, and able to be called out by name and realigned into solution as self discovery within and as the principle of what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself having the thought of “ I am tired of explaining” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see the that i am allowing the word “ explain” as an idea become bigger than actual common sense participation with and as life, as I can only have an explanation in the moment, here, thus the idea of explaining, I have accepted and allowed as an entity within and as me, that I am carrying as a burden, having allowed myself to become overwhelmed, which is myself in separation from common sense as that which can exist in simplicity, as equality and oneness here, where solutions are found that are stable and withstand the test of time here.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that explaining something is tedious and as such a burden.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become this ambiguous idea that explaining  is difficult.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory, as a measure of myself here, of which I have allowed to become an entity as a self definition as a belief, that becomes a burden as this state of being I allow within,  as what directs me in the moment here, slowing down the common sense ability of myself that can only walk the details of practical living, step by step, here.

When and as I find myself believing that explaining is tedious and a burden, I stop and I breath, and I do not define myself as an idea as my past, and I realize that self correction takes practical alignment, here, in common sense of the physical reality, and that the solution is always right there in front of me, and can move with ease, thus it is only what I accept as mind that is the separation, here.

When and as I find myself fearing the reactions of mind, I stop and I breath and i slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that reactions as mind, are a definition that is ambiguous, and that this when used to define must deconstruct to reconstruct, which is a process that at times will react to change, and as such that reactions are objections to change, of which the only solution is to walk through with humility and patience, here. as what is allways the only way and means of life, is life itself, the expression, the creation of which, is to exist within and as what is best for all.

When and as I find my self becoming heavy within and as my head area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am stable, and breathing with ease, I realize that the process of remediation, as the me-sure as mind, is in a process of change, and reformatting to walk in equal measure with practical physical reality, where I become the directive principle, equal and one to and as life here, and within this, that a speeding car, has to slow down and turn, when changing from a high speed and that that turn appears to be a loss, a nonmoving moment, but in essence this is a movement that is not a value, simply a movement, a transformation from separation into common sense as mind structure.

Day 536 - The valley of the shadow of good and evil.

I went to this meeting and I noticed the diversion tactics embedded within the system to protect the money within the system and the emotional values touted again and again to fill the very space and time of the meeting. In all, this occupies that space and time as the very fabric of the expression of the humans, limiting them from realizing that it is the being of this, that does not move into problem solving.  

To confront this takes time, and also a willingness to not move with the emotional values but to take them forward into understanding such for what it is. Some may react because this means deconstructing what one is allowing as the very accepted expression, and once such is defined as character, that it is an automated response. All of which means that humans are very much like computers, if the state of understanding within, is of a value rather than a common sense of form and function, then the details of reality are not being looked at in ways that understand what we are here, as human beings, composed of sound that forms what we are as what we place our expression as the words we speak that are of what we believe within ourselves, that can not be equal to practical reality, as the very physical world that is the means of our existence.

After being at this meeting and seeing all of this, moving in very slow ways, I have to ask myself how much I am this in every moment, here. I have been working on this, but it is another thing to see this being played out, and the strength of which this is done, myself beginning to wonder where to begin to walk through this, without becoming unbalanced as in fearing to stand clear as the emotional values come my way in the form of words, as the expression of the limited program within and as the human, that is a mind consciousness of limitation.

It is like this manifests as a slowness, a thick substance that moves like molasses. It feels like a loopiness within and as me, and the thoughts in accord with this composition, as a piece rise up within me as the value judgements that I have accepted and allowed, that have no balance to practical reality. There is also the fear of leaving this behind. But in seeing this being played out in a group, where the children were being discussed, I realize the thick soup of this around me, like a mirage as an existential presence surrounding the humans, I feel like I am in an orchestra, where all the sounds are coming at me from all angles, and I am having to juggle this, but to see how this warps the very fabric of existence, to the extent that this does not flow, with ease, as that lightness that is in nature all around us.

I need not fear falling, because the only place to fall, ironically, is here, and it has always been so.

I remember, just before the death of my husband, I was so concerned, that in a moment, I asked everything to stop, I demanded it. It was such a quick moment, where it was as though a weight lifted, and in the small space in between, I realized that everything I thought was real, was not, everything that I thought mattered was not real.

In the years after the death of my husband, I had a very hard time talking with people, and I started to feel like there was something wrong with me because I felt indifferent to so much of what was coming at me.

One example, was when I talked with a mental health specialist, and they kept saying to me that the death was not my fault. I found I was upset and also, that I did not want to hear this from this person. Somehow, what this person was saying to me, was meaningless. At the same time I was afraid that if I did not agree with them that I would be considered crazy. So I became really quiet and let them talk. And anyway I could not explain what was going through my head. It was as though I could not forget that moment where I realized that what I thought mattered did not matter.

I have thoughts come up, and I realize that they are not myself being here, moving here, equal to here, and that this is how the joy of myself as life, is suppressed, because this is not myself moving here in common sense. So, when I feel loopy, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, when I feel that knowledge and information is too much, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down,  I realize that the emotions and feelings that I move into as a definition are meaningless, they serve no purpose with being here in self directive ways. That being here, means being at ease, cross referencing an understanding of practical physical reality, and that the mind consciousness system is the limitation, as the conscious is the values projected, the words revealing the character of that focus on limited values, that are not good or bad, but limited, separate from movement, from the joy of life.

I realize that the subconscious mind is the accumulation of traditions, as values based on the cultural past of the borders of definition of past practices as the order of a society that no longer, and as a starting point, is an action of being here within and as changing self to work with what is here as the physical, where in a sense there is no time, because the very substance as what is the building block of here is eternal, silent and constant.

And then, there is the overall system as the unconscious mind, the system map of what humans have accepted and allowed in separation from consideration of the physical as being as much life as the ideological form within and as the human, the two must become equal and one, which is simply to value all life, as this would be the way and the means to creating a heaven on earth, it is to accept life, no matter the form.

Thus our system is maintained by what humans accept and allow as the very from created from the substance of life, within. And if this inner form is not equal to all life, of which the physical is as much of and as, as what we are within, then  life will be in a state of separation from life. Thus, it is to equalize oneself within to the without, to realize that the physical is the way and means of equality and oneness to and as life here.

I suppose it really is like walking through the valley of the shadow of good and bad, because it is the value judgement, manifested as emotions and feelings, based on thoughts that are the intital judgement, that creates the shadows, that are composed of energy, which is like a molasses within each of us, and this molasses, has friction and conflict because it is not moving in accord with the substance or “ sound” of life, and as such this burns the flesh, eats away at it, consuming it. It is like a rod that exists in the torso, right down the middle of the back, and ironically, I remember when I was in high school, in New York City, walking on the busy streets of New York, thinking that there was something in the backs of all people.

But if we are not taught to realize that what we create within, if it is not equal to accepting all life, of which the physical world is, then we exist in separation, and that separation is inequality to accepting all life and it exists as imaginations that manifest as characters, that are voiced as the words we know, impulsed with values,  maintaining the illusion, that is self in the valley of good and evil, walking on the very ground of the means of life, which is the physical world.

It was interesting, because I got into my car after this meeting, and driving home, emotional values came popping up in and as what i have accepted and allowed, and I could not accept them, I could not continue what was going on in this meeting. As such the burning in my legs, stopped, I would not allow myself to go there, it is unacceptable. Within this I have to be very careful and vigilant, because my habits as my character are automated. 

But then again, it is as desteni has said, once the veil has been seen, even in small measure, there is no going back, there is only one place to go, and that is to walk the process of self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, to realize self as life, equal and one to here. It is the only choice. 

     

Day 528 I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a separation from life. The process of Equality.

I was walking my dog, and I walked past the home of someone who held an annual party. About a block after I passed the house, there I was. It was like I placed myself in a projection play-out as a fantasy. I was not even aware of the physical world around me, because I was so busy up there in my mind, conscious only of the characters in the projection. I was in the past at that annual party.

I breathed and came back down to earth. It gets so, that this is very tangible. It has a thickness to it, a slurpy thickness. So, I catch myself doing this, and it involves believing that I am defined through validation, through interaction with other characters as people.

Even within writing this blog, it is like a self validation, in putting myself out here on the net, to explain what I have accepted and allowed as consciousness, my own personal collection of qualities that i “ own” to define myself, and maintain to participate in a system so caught up in limited measure there is a separation from the physical world, which is the real life, or one could say, as much life as the limitations used to own a self definition as a belief that such is needed to survive and motivate, when none of this projection is necessary, because what is real is being here. One is or one is not, and as the “ not being” one is the being as well. 

If my attention is on a singular quality, and I practice this in a game of play-out as fantasy as consciousness, then I cannot be here , equal to the physical reality, and all of its qualities. And I do not learn the process of transformation, because I am too busy in an industry of quality gain as a self definition of character. I am too busy monitoring my gains, and reviewing them with past experiences, and thus I become a limitation, and place myself on a treadmill that I have to run on to maintain what is essentially a bully of my own personal qualities to define myself and force others to accept.

If I become too “ original” than I lose a connection, if I do not fit into a limited self definition, then other become uncomfortable because they have a hard time placing me in a box, because in this limited quality definition as character,  as a game plan, other characters want to define each, in order to have that projection working. Thus, any judgement of me by another, really tells me more about them than it can about myself, and conversely, judgements by others, where I react in any way, tells me about myself. In this game of energy, one cannot even suppress a reaction, because the very substance of energy, is thicker than water, like to say, oil and vinegar do not mix, you can shake it up, but still they don’t mix. There is no way out. To appear to mix, an agitation is necessary, and agitation has a vibration to it, which means a movement, which is visible, and to ask myself a question here, the focus of  self validation and as such gain, cannot hide from silence. It is like silence hears everything. A seeming contradiction for one busy in a projection as consciousness.

So, when I am projecting I have to come back to the starting point of silence and listen to equalize myself to what is here as the physical to listen and then direct myself as this is how I hear what is here, and enable myself to consider all that sustains this moment in time as myself in expression as life.

So, when I move myself into consciousness, that is a story of my past, in a system of survival, using limited qualities and ignoring all of this physical creation, I must stop and breath and slow myself down, to learn to address myself as life, in order to move here, in ways that do no harm.

Nothing can define me but what i accept and allow. And I am here, even when I am not here. lol

When I go into projection, it is like an intensification, and a funnel into that projection, one moves up into this, like one is filing a bubble. And that bubble is filled with pictures, streaming through the eyes. And the lining of the tube, is like a staff of keys that are the triggers that when sound moves through them, ignites the construct of the key, and the keys are built of the past, and so the past sings - so to speak- and the game begins, the comparison, the self justification as self using pictures to define and maintain what self is. All of this built from a system that has become the manifestation of this construct as consciousness. Well, helium balloons get to a certain height and then they pop, and all the gas is released and sent back into the substance of what is here. So one eventually comes back to earth, back to the physical. 

Within facing what has been going on in my heart, I realize that when I become what we would call “ nervous” I am not here, I am not facing he separation from self, I am not directing what is the capacity of men, the natural learning ability of men, to be aware here, to see directly here, to consider how this physical world is a construct of creation, all of it, and that as we stand in this moment, has a construct on top it, that is a consciousness, a science of a collection of limited qualities, or values, used to define a human, in an order of survival that is the outward manifestation of an inner self definition accepted in separation from self as a physical manifestation which is what one can use as a starting point of form and function, as expression, in tandem with all manifestation to understand how creation works, thus each part needs the other parts in cross reference to give direction, one does not need to direct from the idea alone, one moves with the physical, like flocks of birds do at times. It is the joy of being aware in full sensory motor skill that the physical allows that directs in real creation, as it is here that one can be aware. The two happen at the same time.

In this one gives up all belief, to gain everything, thus nothing is really lost in giving up the mind consciousness system. That doom and gloom feeling in change, is simply giving up a limitation, and the habit of that limitation, appears to be a death, when it really is like a birth.

So, when ever I find myself in a projection that uses the past, as a conscious self definition, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I return myself here, equal and one with the physical world, and I take that which is good and does no harm and I stand equal and one with the physical to see, realize and understand myself as a physical human on a physical planet and as such I respect the life that is here that is me, and I realize that a system of separation has been accepted and allowed and constructed in the image and likeness of my own accepted limitations, that must come back to the realization of itself in total as life, here and as such align itself/ myself equal and one with the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete within and as a story in and as my mind, in and as a projection as an interplay of limited qualities/values where I measure in very limited reference as ideas thereby separating myself from the joy of simply being here as this competence is a cognition of limited means, creating externalities that experience extremes of lack either though physical discomfort, or physical comforts that become a burden believed to be a gain, that in itself is ownership that ends up costing the life to focus on protection and defense of what cannot be taken in death.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am defined within a limited measure of myself, and as such am not allowed to be and have a certain measure of common sense of the whole as I must limit myself to allow others to feel comfort in pegging me into a limitation to enable a self definition, which is respecting a limitation, and as such is a disrespect of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I an not allowed to express beyond the limitations of what i am based on limited criteria as a self definition being owned by others, which by some invisible ideological belief is supposed to be adhered to, when this is a limited projection as a self definition and as such a disrespect of life that must come to an end.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that because I do not look a certain way, I cannot smile and be joyful as this is only allowed within a narrow construct where women that fit within a very narrow idea of beauty are allowed to smile and place themselves within this behavior to flirt with the ego of men who themselves are in a very narrow self definition of themselves as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that there is no way out, and within this to see, realize and understand that there are those who react to a person standing outside of proscribed accepted norms that in themselves are limitations that have nothing to do with being life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to conversely, use knowledge and information of a limited value system, and the memories of my past, to be a directive here, when all of this is a limitation that is not self transcending into awareness, but a self that is existing within a projection as consciousness self constructed, self accepted, self allowed, and as such a separation from that what one seeks, which is self as life, that can only exist in equality and oneness to and as the physical being life, which is simply to accept all that is, as all that is is life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to measure myself based on limited values only, and as this be caught in a energetic web of organization which is using the capacity of myself as a playful “ worker” as a physical being-ness, within a very limited construct that consumes and devours the very substance that is me as life where I turn as colorless as a wick and die having taken the substance of life, the color of life, and burned this in and as a projection in and as consciousness instead of becoming aware, and as such one and equal to and as the physical world, to address myself equal and one with and as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot be transparent here, equal and one to and in common sense of the physical, using auditory gifts visual gifts , kinesthetic gifts as the physical to own the value being life here, where i stand equal and one with all life, realizing that the physical is life, as all that is, is creation and as such to be respected.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that I am here and that it is here that allows me to exist as life, and to interact with all that is life in formation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that life has passed me by, and as such I do not have the opportunity to be life here, and also to believe that i don’t deserve life, when in effect this is more of the same that lead to separation from the physical as life, as punishment and reward are based on values judgements and not the measure of the means to equalize self to and as life here, as this is the only thing that humans can own that can withstand the test of time, and remain constant, and as such realize what is eternal, which is the expression of life, which is creation, and as such to be enjoyed by all, and as such the cross reference gift that stabilizes self as life.

When and as I find myself existing within a projection I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I realize what i fear losing, as what I am pushing away as a value, creating a good and a bad, a more than and a less than, a belief in superiority and inferiority, and I bring this back to self, and I realize what I fear losing as what I have allowed as a self definition, and as such a rejection of life, and I realize the expression of myself as life that i have rejected, that I fear may mean a loss within a system that is a loss of life, as I see realize and understand that this loss is an illusion.

When and as i find myself fearing competition, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize that it is to include all that is, and to transform what is essentially a fear of loss, into a way and means that accepts all externalities as an ambition that is ambiguous to what allows the innate capacity of life to diverge equal and one to the physical, and to see, realize and understand this in accord of a direct seeing of what is same in all creation, which is life, as this is the value and that as this, one can cross reference with respect to all life, which includes the physical, to become self directive, self responsible, and to realize that because this is not how men have existed in earth, and for which earth has been created, to realize that this equalization to life, will tale a process, and that a mis-take is a gift of myself as life to balance myself here, equal and one to become equal and one with the sound of life, as that of a functional purpose of what supports life in-formation as this is the gift of creation.

When and as I find myself existing within and as a projection as mind consciousness, I see, realize and understand that this is a righteousness, that is an anger, that is a bullying, that is a fear of loss, that is a limited value believed to define me, and I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive this narrow focus, and I bring myself back here, and I let this emotional/feeling energy go, and I see the thought and forgive it, and I look to the objection of it, as it manifests in a judgement, as a protection and defense usurious action, movement within, as I see, realize and understand that the solution is allways, always, equality and oneness to and as life, here, within and as the principle of what is best for all, which is what does no harm, and gives the gift that keeps on giving, enabling self directive capacity and self responsibility, to here.

The process of deconstruction, to bring the pieces of self back together in equality and oneness to and as life, here. DIP Lite. FREE