The pressure of thin-king on the heart Day 774

What does it mean to stand as a word that is grounded and aware of itself, in relation to considering all things?

How does on have  a command as a faith in who and what one is as a starting point as what is constant and here, in all ways?

At present, I feel like I am perpetually on the verge of getting sick. As though there is a war within me, where I move into fear, as a belief that things are impossible, and yet, sense that going there is not the place to go. I look at what I am allowing and remember the practical, having more of a command in who and what I am, as a respect of the practical as a real relationship and respect of the physical being real faith.

Somehow, bringing segmented things here, as parts of realization within the patterns of forms around me, is a way to make what is seemingly metaphysical more a reality of and as how the physical works, and how separation into ego is reflected in the segments of processes and things around me. It is like bringing a story here, and making it practical and obvious, making it acceptable.

It is making what is ignored big and making the means of ignorance small. A kind of reversal, a reversing.  And it means remaining steady within this.

It is changing the image of perception, reducing what is inflamed, and deflating it, via bringing segments of recognition together as creating a ordinariness as a sequence of steps that show the illusion of conscious projections resisting the practical, and how an absence of realizing the practical is the problem that reveals the solution.

I am , in real time, procrastinating within and as my annual spring task of washing all the windows of my house. It is a simple thing. It takes a persistence as a measure that is annual, nothing more , nothing less. And yet, I find myself hesitating. In some ways this is happening in my world at the moment. 

It is a reflection as a hesitation of being and living and moving as the process of de-segmenting what is fractionalized that is the hyperbolized values that must be segmented into a practice that grounds in being focused in this reality- seeing with clear eyes, how a separation consciousness is something that can be grounded into actions and expressions that realize an intimacy that is self empowering in creating real and effective awareness of and as self direction that is sustainable and constant. 

To use parables, the residual dust on my windows, need not be made larger than life, just as I self realize the segments of recognition need not be made as separate as they may seem, as they can be brought together to make the imaginary less a separation from the practical and more in-line with an awareness of what it means to create stable and present focus on what is real, as this physical reality.  

It is really a matter of remaining in the practical, recognizing my own projections into value judgements. What appears to easy and so habituated to move into, is a separation from the practical consciousness that only the self, as me, accepted and allowed, and not what is here and what I would really want, as the tension as the focus onto a form of blame, that is myself hating myself for not having remained within who and what I am as life, which is realizing the substance of life, that is me, that is all around me here. 

That spin, of limited values - it is like it creates this vortex of and as another plain of existence, that is an inversion of myself away from being here, being present. It is, also, that I realize when I am doing this. We all realize we are doing this. Meanwhile what is real is right here, to be discovered as being equal to what creates, here.

Somehow, this all moves around as the heart, which would fit within what we have been told, as to realize what when we are present here, taking in what is here, without judgement, and with realizing presence in form and function, and resolving it, as being living solutions that move in ways that allow no harm, as taking what is good and transforming it into a change that is best for all. It is like there is an author as a dictate, pressing down from my mind, composed of a limited morality that is built of polarized values, instead of giving as I would receive, which is what is best for myself. Reminds me of hearing a really clear performance, where the presence in the notes as the space was so ‘ fulfilled’ that every relationship as connection was solid, making a sound that was really clear and tight- as I wold say it. And, with no ‘ manner’ attached. I have probably heard that once in my life - to that degree anyway! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into resistance, to move into not seeing realizing and understanding that resistance is rejection, is denial, is protection and self defense, within and as an idea of a loss as who and what I have allowed myself to be in separation from the reality of who and what I am which is physical, as the physical is what withstands the test of time, and what is therefor creation manifest, in expression of and as life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which is desired to be owned, done with slight-of-hand as paper castles of legal manpulations, that mirror the same as what I have accepted and allowed within in and as me, and which reveal that what is moved to grab as physical resources, makes plain that what is real is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, to not realize the depth of the dearth of my own accepted and allowed rejection of myself as life here, and the degree of separation into polarized values as judgements as dogma as belief, creating imaginations metaphysical, and the implications thereof that have caused harm towards life, must be reversed with awareness and practical application as that which respects all things here, to birth life on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not take back the joy of being life, meaning to be present in consideration of all things here, and to within this practice recognizing my own cognitive dissonance - self accepted and created- as I was the child that was not born with religion and political dogma, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much the very movements of and as me, reveal to me, my own ignorance of this reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand one and equal to what is in plain sight, and what is the means of life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become in recognition of the movements within and as me, as tension and conflict, confusion and fear, to see realize and under this stand as myself moving in self interest, instead of remaining grounded within and as the fullness of life all around me that is physical and present and always in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see realize and cross reference, in practical step by step application to realize the beliefs, ideas, and opinions as thought, pushing down on my heart, where I create a kind of vortex, of blame and spite, protection and defense, in fear of punishment as a belief in survival, to reverse this, through self forgiveness and practical application of and as real focus on what is here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as pressure of and as thoughts, onto my chest area, leading to and manifest as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I assess, as investigate what I am accepting and allowing within and as me, to reform, to focus here, and reverse, as verse, within and as me as a focus, with practical applications, what is best for all, as this is what is best for life.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as creating an entity of separation, a fragment of reality, as a value judgement, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself in calm, to asses, in breath to realize in practice a con-science of and as the tech of who and what I am, an awareness of all things, to realize what is a movement of and as what is best for all, to listen to the physical, here.

When and as I find myself looking within and as me, as the ideas, beliefs and opinions I have allowed to habituate within and as me as an imagined dogma, creating by design a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the practice of presence in this reality, as respecting all things, opening my heart to here, to become steady in expressing myself as life, as who and what I am here.

What am I standing as? Day 749

So, there is this fear, it is such a wall, or appears to be so. Despite the life that is me, seeing this, at the same time, moving through this appears to be impossible. Yet, like any knot, some things take time to unwind. Opening them up to realize the twists and turns, is a part of the process. 

I ask myself, where am I holding onto a fear of loss, where am I comparing myself to someone or something, an idea or a person? Where am I rushing and expecting something other than what is right here? I realize in life, sometimes the means to the end is realized, yet all the meanderings involved in completing something some times run into glitches, which is okay, as this in essence is dealing with fine tuning the balance, and being patient in returning to a more natural presence in a real relationship with this physical reality. I remind myself that in not being present here, and instead reacting based on fear, is a state of missed opportunities, to realize the potency of life around me that is me. 

I notice that once I realize my own emotional firewalls, I can notice the same in others. There is a term called ‘ zone of proximal development.’ This means that one can only see what one has realized within one’s self and move from that point forward. What is cool about acknowledging my own emotional and feeling layered fire/energy wall, projected outwardly in protection and defense as fear, is that it is more natural to see the same in others, and even notice when I have lost them, or them me, depending on which way I choose to look at this. Realizing this, helps me to realize that I can change in a moment, and not fear standing as something, to understand and then change. After all, is not self forgiveness the restoration of a natural ability to process and as the nature of this, restore a natural changeability? I notice that, within practicing working with numbers, that my processing speeds improve, as momentum builds and I am more able to hold greater sequences within me, and move within them backwards and forwards. This is the learning process, and it is the same in learning all things. once momentum builds, more insight is gained, which is the whole ‘ sum of all parts’ coming into a greater recognition and therefor greater processing ability. One must practice the small, even within slow and ‘ faster’ processing and master this within one’s self. Sounds like being able to be the ‘ moving through the eye of the needle’ as self as expression as a state of being able to consider all things, as the physical, to take that which is good and does no harm. And even within such recognition, to realize that i have no idea how far this can go. 

I have been looking at what I remember, how I remember during the day.. Sometimes I find myself realizing that I do not remember what i did a few minutes before, and I have to slow down and see where I was and why I do not remember, because I was not present in the physical. The physical as the real marker of life, as what is here, being present in and with what is here.  In a way, this reminds me of being a section leader in a musical group, and remaining grounded and stable within the form, as that state of focus being what is sustainable and grounding. It is using one’s will in a gentle and humble way. It breeds less work, as an idea of work. The fear is really the acceptance of an idea of a threat, and that threat made larger than life. In this, I can see where placing children in a  box, for 12 years, imprinting a story, is really a crime, a deep state crime against life. 

I was talking with someone in my world, and they were saying that they needed to study history through story. In other words, they cannot read about history as a direct history book. There are two aspects of this, as our history is written by the victors, and within this, there are contrary perspectives that have been so accepted there exists a normalcy bias, thus, counter narratives are actually illegal. This to me is suspect, like a lie being screamed, and the use of story to build a wall, which suggests something is being hidden with a purpose. Given the gross inequality placed through tiny steps over time, is it so far fetched to suspect what we are forced to believe is in itself a psychological game of mis-information? Where am I doing this within myself? And, how is this relationship I bring forward here, related to only being able to hold info in the form of a story, rather than direct reading of sequenced events? A story has a time line of events, of conflict and resolution, so a story holds an accepted inbuilt scaffold to guide into a form. 

Yet, the physical world is right here, and is the real story. The physical as what is hidden in plain sight and which stories of events are the tale told and what is considered to be normal, when they are not the story of creation as the physical. We all know, and understand that we are removed from nature. What is nature, but the physical real life story? I mean, why do a few, want to be creators, determining the story on the information highway? What is actually being done by the victors? They are telling a story, a sequence of events that build a picture of gain in self interest, playing with the physical as though it is here for them to manage, when inherent in the design is the means of management. This would be a direct relationship with each one, to the physical, the realization that the means of life, is the value, and the only choice is to work with the real visible story of creation as the physical world. In this, the media is a stream of the means of a consciousness of separation. 

A media is not a bad in itself, it is what it is within what is does, as what it expresses.. Does the media make us more aware or does it involve us in stories of information that do nothing to help us remember what we did, in real time, ten minutes ago? What is it that we allow ourselves to process? Are we in respect of this reality, or are we watching shadows on a wall in a self imposed cage, called the information highway, while our rivers and forests are drying up, and many animals becoming extinct? In some ways, if we look around, and watch, pay attention to nature, we can begin to realize how many of our trees are not as healthy as they could be. We have the natural sensibility to see this, to realize this. What is that in itself? 

I have to ask myself if the degree of my separation evident in the measure of my separation as an emotional firewall of energy that consumes the life that is me, to the extent that I cannot remember what i did then minutes ago? 

In this I have to practice standing as what i have accepted and allowed, and realize there is only the choice to be present here, grounding myself within calling out by name what i stand as, as a measure, and developing who and what I am as the potential of and as me, within and as rebuilding a relationship equal and one with the physical. 

Thank you for reading.