Showing posts with label crying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crying. Show all posts

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Day 540 Being a Leader and Being Self Responsible


Being a leader and being self responsible.

I remember when I first went and lived in Europe that I felt overwhelmed by the towns, like the very stones in the cities were filled with stories that were a burden, heavy. I would find solace in nature, under a tree. And I remember asking myself why I found more ease under a tree than I did in a city street, when the tree was around far longer than that city.
In all, though the burden of discord as the past of the behaviors of men, the abuse of labor etc. may be in every measure of stone, to allow myself to be influenced by this, is in itself a rejection of what is basically a story, that is all. I can’t really understand how we got to where we are if I don’t understand the movements that lead to all that is within me, as my reactions and all that is without me, as the world around me.
If I resist, then that which I resist persists, because it is myself rejecting something, which means I am not clear with something to the point where i am at ease. To be at ease, is to have no fear, to be clear in understanding, to realize that I am able to move with what is here, and that I cannot be hurt unless I am not paying attention. Also, at where we are now, as what has been accepted and allowed on earth, there are, in common sense, some things that one does not participate within, because humans have become, basically zombies caught in a web of their own making, that is not a web of support and respect and “ understanding” development of what it means to life as a physical bio-organic entity on this earth, where this physical beingness is a visible and practical expression, as real expression is. 
I remember saying to people when they viewed me as being talented because I played the violin, I would say, no, it has nothing to do with this, it is simply walking the steps and doing it, that is all. In all common sense. But then, this is being responsible. Pretty words are just pretty words, “ real “ words look at what is here, real words are living words, that lead, that give direction, that show development. Real words that do not punish or reward, give direction, give the ability of each human, to become self empowered, self directed, responsible. Thus, leading is giving self empowerment, absolutely. Real leadership, expects no reward, because it understands that the real reward is to direct all that is here, as each human being, the ability to become self responsible.  Because this increases the ability of men to create as each point, as each man, can come together and create a world that enables the whole orchestra to perform, and that it is this that builds a sound of life. So, when we support this physical world, in ways that do no harm, we create a web of life that is in full function, full expression, full potential, because this is how we support ourselves to our fullest.
We need the perspective of every person on the ground, to have the insight needed to understand what supports and builds a planet where every inch is performing as its form allows it. one man’s idea as the mind, cannot possibly realize this, hence the idea of a superman is an impulse to create a dream connection instead of an equal connection to what enables us to exist in life formation, which is the physical world.
It must be understood that every leaf on every tree is moving with the total expression of what is best for all, every turn, every sway, every single movement, it is an absolute purpose of allowing life to express in full potential. When we humans impose ideas onto this, we become separate from this, we become unequal to life.
I have somehow, reacted to misunderstanding as rejection, which means I am expecting understanding without standing consistently as understanding, and as such listening to realize the limitation/rejection/measure/focus cannot hurt me unless I accept and allow it, because as human beings, what we inform ourselves as, is what we become. If our information within is not equal in understanding to that which we are without, then that separation causes an inability to direct ourselves leading to a consequence of instability that develops a lack of self trust. 
When my husband died, I would weep. A very strange sensation to have rivers of water flow from your eyes, to such an extent, that your shirt becomes all wet. This crying is really the shame self faces for not standing equal and one to and as life here. It is the recognition that life is not being lived, and the hurt is really self not living, which self cannot blame anything other that self.
The only way out is to stand, here, equal and one in common sense of practical physical reality, to move within the purpose of realizing that this is it, what we create here, is what we get, and it is the whole of this planet that is to be considered with every breath we take.
As long as I believe I am not being understood due to any measure of loss, and am hurting because of this, I am not here, I am not becoming responsible for what I am within and for the effects of this without because I can only direct as what is best for all if that ease as life is to become what it is that is the I am, as myself as life here. And to realize, that that interaction, that communication, is the expression of myself as life here.
So, when I have an emotion of resistance I look to the belief behind that emotion.
When I feel hurt, I look to what expectations I have had and where I am not being clear about how we as humans are informed and how we have believed that information within to be more real than the physical world of life without.
What I need to exist - besides practical basic needs given what we have allowed to form as life on earth - is myself as life, here, as this is what allows even that fantasy as mind, as consciousness that is what presently exists in men that is not equal in measure to the composition of ourselves which is reality, here which is what enables life. The solution, to equalize ourselves within to create a world without, that is an expression of leading ourselves as life, is to support a Living Income Guarantee, so that we can begin to equalize ourselves to what supports this world in ways that do no harm, because it will allow us to see our own cognitive dissonance, our misinformation,  our chaos, to become what is very simple, ourselves as life in-formation.








Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand what I am reacting as physically within and as judgement as the movement from a judgement of less than to more than in and as the mind, as consciousness, as an act of separation from equality and oneness as life, into a projection of myself as a personality, wherein I fragment reality losing focus of this actual physical world, as the present system of inequality distorting through limited values made huge instead of directing myself in equality and oneness here, focusing on what is real as the physical world, that which supports me as life, as what I am one and equal to.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this memory of myself standing and facing my friend sitting within a new group of girls, and no longer having to do with me, at that moment as this image as this memory, with energetic emotions and feelings, as personifications as what I believed myself to be within self judgement, as being less, as having lost something, as I judged myself less because I did not have what this new group of girls offered, and within this going into a belief that the values my friend was following were of less value that other values one could follow, where this in itself was a judgement of same nature, in separation as I made myself superior and the actions of my friend inferior, as a reaction to myself feeling less than as I compared, ignoring what was happening within existence and remained in judgement in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the sinking, falling, inner crying, like a sinking down from my head through my chest was a self accepted and allowed emotion of having no value, of being worthless, of losing something within a belief in a face value within society, that in reality bore no witness to the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this feeling, sensation of falling, sinking, inner crying, my breath became labored, and heavy, uneasy and difficult, and within this a “holding in: of myself - so to speak- as I was embarrassed that someone might see me having a care that my friend had abandoned me for a “cooler group”, where I within and as myself judged myself on the same values that drove my friend to join the group.


Within this, I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that this physical behavior was a reaction to a limited perception of reality, a morality, as a collection of values taught as judgements that enabled survival within a system that did not in fact understand the workings of consciousness as a separation into and as energy playing out values of more than and less than, of superiority and inferiority, as polarities of inequality, an act of spite and blame, causing friction and conflict within myself, this being a separation from equality and oneness with the actual real forgiving physical world as creation, as life, as simply being here, communicating with and as life here, equal and one to all the dimensions of expression as life, here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that there are no values of worth and unworth of myself as life, unless I accept and allow them, as I am life here, able to focus and direct myself, in practical common sense of this physical world, where myself as life, cannot be lost, where myself as life can only exist within equality and oneness with what is real, as the physical through utilizing common sense of the physical as what is best for all is best for self.


I commit myself to breathing, to when and as I notice this physical reaction of falling/sinking/ diminishing as a movement within myself as energy, to stop, breath, and become the correction of myself here, realizing that this whole mapping out of a hierarchy and placement of myself within such, was as moving as belief in a more than and less than, into energy, a distraction and separation from actual physical , equal and one living, from becoming aware of myself as life, participating with what is real as the physical.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself reliving this same physical behavior, to stop and to breath, to simply remain here,  within practical physical existence, to stop participation in and as the mind that exists within relationships defining myself, and to realign myself to myself as life, to direct myself to focus myself here, equal and one with and as the physical in common sense.



Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 187 Worthlessness; Preparing to avoid judgement

Day 187
Continuation from previous post where I realized I constricted in the presence of another in fear of judgement and in preparedness to avoid being judged in a belief that something would be lost, that I might be placed lower on a scale of measure than another- the illusion developed within a system of gain and loss, more than and less than, an energetic construct in separation from life, ignorant of what is real, here, an illusion of separation that has been made huge, seemingly precious, a halo/bubble of televised limited values manifest as images in and as the mind, consuming the flesh of the physical for maintenance- causing disease as in taking the ease as what is real from actually physically being here, with what is real and life sustaining, this actual physical world.

When and as I prepare myself to be focused on another with whom I am working I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to make huge the fears of myself based on a set of values that are limited as what I was taught, where I am a protection defense of belief, opinions and ideas about myself based on my past, utilizing these values, believing myself to need to sustain them through constantly comparing myself to others within an as my world to ensure that I maintain some “meaning” about what I am, all limited ideas separate from this actual physical world, a peer group “club” composed of humans in total abdication of what is real, this actual physical world.

When and as I see myself in “readingness” of what values I may contain of lack within the limited values of my societal world I stop and I breath, I focus on what is actually physically here and I forgive the back chat of the mind that is comparing what I have-where I am,-who is with me- how I speak-what I look like - how what is here-how I appear- who is with me that I judge as a measure of my worth- what obligatory personification “stance” I am supposed to “wear”/ “ware” - what the potential outcomes might or might not be should I NOT be of a certain “stance”/look/response to and towards another as I interact with this actual real physical world, within this I stop and I breath and I - as much as I am able - realize that what is real is what is physically actually here, and that any thought of blame, value judgement, is my self within limited insight in service to a world of superstition that serves a system of inequality, an alternate reality that separates from this actual physical world.
When and as I prepare myself through a physical constriction in readiness to serve a fear of loss within myself, existent as what was taught as a child as the adults around me and the society around me, and the focus of education around me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down to stop an inward positioning of myself onto a web of values that support a system of inequality, a web that keeps me so busy with my one singular position that I am no longer aware that this web is in totality taking the resource of this physical world and “handing it up” to a few on the top of a pyramid that is composed of justifications that are belief, opinion and ideas that are in fact a superstition and not an actual awareness of what is physically real as this freely given abundant earth, this earth crying it name in the very sound of the word, the place of b-earth - the place of birth- the opportunity to realize self as life, through becoming one and equal to this actual physical world, thus is what is real placed directly in front of us, a gift of life, as no real parent would do anything else for a child, and life is the “parent” and life is “here” as this physical world.


When and as I interact with another I stop and I breath and I hold my common ground in and as being here in practical common sense of this actual physical world, and I see, realize and understand that any blame and judgement from another, any idea , opinion and belief in and as a comparison of myself through idea, belief and opinions as what I have been taught to focus on and as, I stop and I breath, and I realize that the spewings of the mind - as the system of limited values - is a separation from life, from equality and oneness with and as what is actually practically physically here and within this I do not react to blame and judgement as this is not myself in self direction in and as life, in self honesty in and as life, in self responsibility in and as life here.