Being in sink or being in synch Day 773

One of the things I have encountered in my life is how to carry on a conversation.  I remember my husband asking me this one time.

It would be difficult to carry on a conversation, if one had a lot of memories coming up, with emotional poles, pulling one in a direction. It would cause a lot of dissonance and distraction within the body, as the self tried to ‘ do the math’ of what was within and what was actual without.  The whole idea of making conversation in such an abundant world, is in itself a red flag.  After all, what does ‘ opening a window’ to discovery ‘ mean. Everything that moves us is right here, thus why should there be any form of confusion, especially when a baby is obviously working so hard to take in and realize the patterns of life moving around them? It is the same confusion that creates the belief that having a conversation is difficult. I mean, how can children living in a home where the adults play an instrument learn the same so fast? Is it that they simply take in the movements and see the patterns. They see what is around them. They do the math.  This is natural, what inhibits that is unnatural. How can such a simple thing become such a confusing mess?  

After all, it is known in education that a child, in the past, is not ready for school until they are about 6. just enough of a seven year cycle, for the child to absorb a construction of information,  or a structure to become resonant within the body, for the child to direct themselves. The problem with this, is that the ability to process information also slows down- which means something is not in synch.  That slowing down is an indicator of becoming more of a toxic layered onion of dissonance than a real tree of understanding, meaning a real structural resonance of capacity in retaining a real presence that processes not only a toxic onion but also the practical actions that are effective in being present in the physical reality. If we look, so many of us are not effective in the practical physical reality. We find practical actions difficult, when they always need only small steps that accumulate into getting something done. It is a huge thing to realize what limits one from being what is simply natural.  A real ‘ tree’ of understanding would be the absence of distraction from practical doing, as the real magic is in the doing.  Naturally, on some level, we all know this, thus, the absence of this would build into a self hate. One knows one is discombobulated ! Could it be some form of shadow, projected by the self that is what causes the dissonance of this sound reality? 

About a month ago, I did not realize what it was that I was within, as standing within. I remember leaving an interaction with another person, and thinking “ it was so thick one could cut it with a knife.” I mean, why say, or think something like that?  Why do we tell ourselves what it is that we are being and seeing? Why not follow though and do the math, and realize my/our self created I'm-positions that are actually a separation from this living reality?

I mean, we have things that are for writing out and taking apart our ‘ moods,’ which begs the question as to what a ‘ mood’ is?  Is that ‘ mood’ what is the resonance of what is re-cord-ed within us, that eventually slows down our ability to process what is around us?  What do we use to communicate that? How can that technology, where tech is ‘ skill’ be a formation as a word, as a sound, that one can fill with polarized meanings that as that sound project outside of us, and we search for someone who matches as close as possible the color and signature of that projected thing, as sounds as words,  that are a separation from being grounded and practical and in the presence of this world, of all that is here, as this reality, which is including this physical reality. It is the most simple of things, and yet, that distraction, appears to be so HUGE- lol, what do we mean when we say and elephant is in the room? Can’t run, can’t hide, it is around you, accepted by you, and no one but yourself can clean it up. All the thin-king’s men and all the thin-king’s animals, cannot clean this up, because one must come to recognize one’s thin-king patterns, what generates them, and then forgive them and refocus onto reality. 

I remember a moment where, a few years ago, I became so angry about something, that that anger almost consumed me. I just stopped in one moment and said to myself, ‘ This does nothing, even if I am correct and what I am reacting to is unacceptable.” I just stopped. 

Yesterday, I was talking with someone, and realize that behind me, as me, was this colored torrent flowing down- within me. It was doom and gloom, all in self judgement. It was not about anyone from the present or the past, it was myself as a ‘ state of belief’ as ideas, about me, mostly about me not being good enough. Mostly of and as voices that I am not capable, that I am ‘ too far gone’ , that I am too much this, or too much that etc. etc. . 

Another thing that comes up, in this torrent, rented tower of belief, polarized into blame and spite, is within a group of people, that practiced one thing in one area and another thing in another area. They wanted to ‘ get rid of me’ within something. The forked tongue was at work. I want to feel hurt, and yet another part of me, like a lion wants to roar, and really roar. There have been times in my life, where I have roared, and everything around me stops. My sisters have told me when  do this, it is very powerful and that I do not realize how powerful.  If I take my own words, within this set of posts, as LOOKING, and reactions being a state of self hate, I realize that the resistance was of and as a self hate. Though I have not mastered this, if I realize that life is in reverse, dare I say, I must have much more power than I realize to intimidate a movement of self hate towards me. And yet, a focus on this silly petty game of survival, is not worth moving into. Let it go. I am, on the other side of the world anyway.

I really don’t want to rush and prove something, and I don’t want to carry this with me. I no longer want to follow the crutches of any other mapping system but the physical reality around me. I can only model, as what I have said to classroom children, ‘ the magic is in to doing.” lol, it is probably this same attitude that is so intimidating. 

I notice that if I ‘ sink’ - lol sinking is a sym=phonic with synching! -  within that down-ward spiraling ‘ shadow’ behind me, my back starts to hurt, as though sinking compresses me. And when I stand within this, and acknowledge it, and move to change it, I expand in some way, and the pain does not shoot out. It is somewhat like that state in holding up a violin, for hours, where there is a balance, that creates a state of no tired-ness. One can play for hours without getting tired.  Thus, I either sink or synch! lol

I mean what else is there? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to always judge movements and things around me, without regard for this reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus only on the storm, as a means of protection and defense, to survive, when real survival means seeing here, the practical and physical reality, that is creation in expression, where the means to the end is in plain sight here, and no one and no thing can define who and what I am, outside of the practical, as a value judgement but myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create my own cognitive dissonance as a mind consciousness system of layers,  toxic  and separating as self interested actions only, from who and what I am here as life, that is physical, and that is all around me as me, where all things are me in another life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am sinking down below others, as an idea that I lack capacity, when the part of me that can see this colored difference is the same part of me that can resolve this difference and reform it, to realize a synchronicity with who and what I am as a physical beingness on a physical planet, that is creation information,  as what is real is in plain sight, thus I can blame no one and only stand in equity with what is real as the physical here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear loosing something, as what this resonant math, as a composition of value judgements is and does as an idea - logo only, is fear, which is not here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use innocence on one level, to hide behind, which has a color, of and as “ I have not seen this before’ and a ‘why have I not seen this before’ which already presupposes a value as a self definition of ignorance, that then compounds into ‘ I am not enough’ which has a value of and as “ I am supposed to be something already’ etc. and so it spins and I am so busy with this that I miss reality, and for this I forgive myself.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a gain, as to want a more, as to have judged something as being more, and moving into absorbing this more to be a more from a point of believing I am less, that then races towards a more- than, all a movement in separation from being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sink within and as me, as this, as the cognitive attention dis-order creating dissonance is myself in separation from being practical, focused and present, in respect of this living reality here, that is physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself as life, into and as this state of dissonance composed of value judgements, distracting myself from being in synch with what is in plain sight as the physical which is creation here, that is the same as me, as all is life, and thus myself in another life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , from another memory, of myself in elementary school, where the words and the sounds, suddenly started to become this soup in front of me, as they moved around, as though it was something outside of myself, yet it was myself in isolation as this, and this sense of things suddenly moving around, like soup, is myself in a soup, which is a kind of looseness, and the memory itself, myself lost in a mind consciousness system, already in separation from being focused and grounded here,  thus, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself acknowledging that which can be seen and touched, sensed and realized as a projection accepted and allowed by the self, and thus, not who and what I am here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this physical becomes manifest, as a movement within me, that resonates through the physical, asa subtle down turning of the sides of my mouth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand this physical movement in and as the sides of my mouth, turning into a kind of pout, as a down turning, as a physical expression of sinking down, as not being enough, as hopelessness, as what is before me being too much, all an illusion, and not being in a balance, being effective, being present, being in synch as being in respect of this physical reality, that is an expression of and as creation as life, all around me, as the equal sound of creation, balanced, light, and always here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, with hindsight, this not to be taken as a given, given that memory warps and changes, that when and as I moved into a state recognizing this ‘ sinking’ within and as me, I can not remember moving myself out of it, as though an interruption is always present in that moment, like a blocking distraction for me to not see realize and understand that movement within and as me, here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to embrace this part of me, this character of and as me, that I have created, that I allow to be built, that I composed from judgement, and to encompass this, to place this sinking into synch with this living, expressing, balanced in what does not harm and takes what is good, to respect the practical here, as this living reality that is me, and that is the same as me, thus I take things back to myself and realize what I would want for myself, as I have enjoyed being given such moments myself.

When and a s I find myself sinking, and the sides of my mouth sinking down, I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I remember myself to what matters as this life, this physical reality that is creation in expression, here.

When and as I find my physical body moving to sink, as the sides of my mouth, I stop, I slow down, I breath, I embrace the energy as  value judgements, and ground myself in the practical matter of and as creation as the physical, and I LOOK here, to realize synchronicity with and as who and what I am as expression of and as life as the creation all around me that is me, here.

When and as I find myself becoming a soup, as a loopyness within myself, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself in effective movement of and as the principle of equality and oneness, as doing no harm, as considering all things as me, in all ways, to be in respect of and as who and what I am, to stand in grace here, to be humble, calm, steady, present, available, in joy - as being in awe of here, as being grateful of life as who and what  I am as the real matter here. 

When and as I find myself turning down within and as me, as my thoughts, and as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I slow down to move to embrace the sinking I am allowing, as value judgements, and I focus on the practical, the physical, as this creation as reality here. to see, realize and understand and have fun and be grateful for this opportunity to express who and what I am as I am life. 

Day 661 Moving into reaction instead of solution.

Moving into reaction instead of solution.

Yesterday I met someone while out in my world and had a conversation where  I talked about some behaviors with a certain person in relation to dealing with someone we both knew.

After the conversation, as I walked in the market, I suddenly had a movement within me that was heavy. It moved down from the top of me head, into my solar plexus. There in the supermarket, I had to slow way down and breath, as in that moment it became difficult to walk. Meanwhile, within remaining in breath, I realized that I had become a measure within as a belief, or played out a habit that I did not catch, I did not align into what is best for all.

Looking back, I realize I had allowed myself to move into fear. I had allowed myself to see doom and gloom within a situation instead of moving into solution that brought the reward of moving within the relationships around me with ease.

The situation was one where I had spoken with a person many times, agreed upon an arrangement, and that person would come back some time later and change her mind. I would then build an acceptable agreement, only to have the same thing happen again. I could feel myself starting to react. I felt like I was in a game that went nowhere.

When I met this other friend in the market, I started to question her about this other person, and she agreed with my assessment. She even asked the same question. Thus, there I stood as a reaction, becoming a blame, and moving from being directive to becoming someone who labeled something as being limiting. There is nothing necessarily wrong with this, as assessing behaviors is not a bad, and cross referencing is not bad. It was the fear I had there in the back of my mind, of a potential for a loss of opportunity, and the movement into feeling unworthy as being the cause of the ‘ wall’ in front of me. 

My assessment of this person may be correct, and may also need, at the same time, additional respect as to what is the starting point of their responses.  Yet this does not define who and what I am in terms of my worth as this is an idea within myself, and has nothing to do with directing myself here.  I can only be here, unless I believe that what is in my temple as that which is formed within me as idea, belief or opinion, which is a form of usury.  If I believe what I am formed as within, as my imagination only,  I am usurious of life around me as the physical world, because instead of remaining here in common sense, as respect of the physical, valuing all life, I am believing a measure within me and imposing this onto reality- I am selling my soul- my inner creation, instead of respecting the means of that soul, the physical. Hence my inner measure which is composing a picture show, is in total separation from reality and the consequence of this will all ways be a limitation, and that limitation because it has no real grounding, will cause insecurity, anxiety and fear. I will not see clearly here. I will cause friction with reality, I will not fit into living, I will not fit into creation. I will become stagnant. I will lose opportunity. I will separation from life. I will it. I allow it. I accept it. What is of the temple within, must be equal to the temple without as the physical. All things must be respected, everything. 

Thus, within this situation, I had to slow way down. I had to see, realize and understand where I was taking things personally, as potentially defining me as having no worth. This is myself believing that how I defined myself was more than reality, and that this was potentially going to be lost, ignored, or discredited. Non of this has anything to do with reality, with being here as a physical beingness.

Perhaps there is reason within this woman’s choices. That is okay. Perhaps there is overprotection going on within this person. That is okay, caution is necessary. Yet, within myself this behavior is just this, a measure of belief, and not one that determines who and what I am here. I either meet with the person I wanted to see, or I do not. Either way, I am here, living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a reaction and then to move into managing my own reaction, instead of remaining here, assessing and doing that which is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become frustrated when I believe I have resolved an issue only to have that issue come up again and again, despite working through ideas and believing, and even at times, moving into superiority, in relation to a disagreement between two parties.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have wanted agreement, without slowing down to realize the perspective of others, in more detail around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow a measure, as a perspective that had nothing to do with me, define who and what I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as my own self interest, without slowing down and assessing a situation and the reactions as the behaviors of others, to a greater degree, to find solutions that moved with more equity than reaction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something wrong with me,  which was myself being what I was projecting onto the person and their behaviors around me, thus was I being what I criticized and not moving into understanding and solutions that created the reward of living with ease, here, on this physical planet.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self interest, I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush in my own self interest, despite having taken time to assess, as the behaviors around me revealed that more assessment was needed, or to consider the interest of another, within their comfort zones, and to ease this, within and as a understanding of how a mind consciousness moves, as this is what I would have wanted for self, and within this, the way and the means to remove resistances, as in building trust, which takes time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something can be lost, as within this, when and as I react within an idea that something is lost, I am not moving in consideration of all things, and building an understanding that lends self direction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame instead of continuing to understand until all things are clear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become annoyed, when and as I find myself having to reassess something and remain within and as what is trustworthy, as in never needing to lie, as myself as a directive principle in and as life, takes that which is good, in measure and builds what imparts a sense of ease, which is sharing a presence that solves instead of resists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become lost within a limited measure of belief, opinion and idea within and as what I have accepted and allowed as a version of reality in the temple of my mind, a mind consciousness in separation from the means of life, of respecting all things, including the physical as the physical is life information, as the physical is the potential of life information.

When and as I find myself reacting, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess what I speak, to ensure that my words move from problem to solution to reward.

When and as I find myself polarizing a value, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess if I am within reaction to a problem, or moving instead into solution of a problem.

When and as I find myself moving into fear, as in imagining a doom and gloom scenario of loss, or lack of communication, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down until I am here, grounded, and can direct in ways that are not myself manipulating in self interest in protection and self defense based on an idea within and as the temple of a mind consciousness of limited values that I have accepted and allowed to define me instead of remaining grounded in life, the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming ashamed of what I have accepted and allowed, as a mind consciousness of belief, opinion and idea in limitation, ignoring what is real as the physical life information around me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that remaining in shame is not grounding myself here, in a practice of respecting all things as the physical.

When and as I find myself calling something by name, which may happen, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I can only ground myself into speaking what moves from problem into solution in stable ways that lead to rewards for all concerned as much as I am able, here, in this moment here.

When and as I find myself allowing a situation to define who and what I am, I see, realize and understand that this is information I accepted and allowed based on a past, where I acted in the self interest as a mind consciousness in separation from respect for all things.

When and as I find myself seeking validation from another, I stop and I breath, and I realize my starting point as being one of self interest or assessment into perspective as a cross reference and within this I allow no blame and spite , I slow down and move within and as what is solution in terms of what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself moving into guilt for not having slowed down and investigated further, beyond reaction, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I, instead of resisting in self interest, I place myself in the other’s shoes for a moment, and accept the perspective to realize solutions that lead to what is best for all here.

Day 456 Protection and defense in the face of self validation

I had a reaction to a person this weekend and I realize that I was fearing a loss, as in believing myself to be inferior. As such I could only manage my ire instead of directing within a solution, where I took that which is good and directed it in such a way that supported everyone in the situation. So, in looking at the presentation that I reacted to, how could I  accept the self validation before me and walk it into what would be a structure of support? How could I create a situation that allowed interaction, that allowed interactive relationships that were a win-win for all parties involved? Thus, to direct instead of react? To “ play,” to build instead of fear? For this, the solution was to move as what is best for all, as has been said, if one uses the principle of what is best for all, then the way is clear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being seen as inferior.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react when another states what they are, not seeing realizing and understanding that i can accept what another is and take this into what would be what is best for all, thus not denying what is here, but accepting it and moving it into a part of a scenario as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to compare myself to a statement as a validation as a belief being voiced of what someone is and does, and within this to accept this and place this into a scenario that functions, to the best of my ability, as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself, within this reaction, to not see realize and understand that in accepting a statement as an absolute, an end game, I react in anger because I am allowing myself to become a belief that I am less than the statement, less than the label, and as this am lost in comparison without looking at how this position touted is myself in another life, an expression as a part of the whole, where I am another part of that whole, a whole that can function  as a system that moves in support of all the parts involved and thus within the principle of what is best for all, can be directed into a structure that moves as what builds a community that is a win-win for all involved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I react, I am existing within inferiority, and as such constrict within and as my physical body, which is myself in comparison based on ideas of win and lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become spiteful in and as my mind, to not see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become inferior I begin to compare and then to select in self interest what is a belief as a “ good” about myself, and a belief as a “ bad” about another, which is a protection and defense of my own lack of looking, my own lack of self responsibility as life, this being the absolute purpose of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how within and as becoming an act of comparison to another I become diffident as in silent in some situations and as such physically allow a sense of hopelessness as a perceived " hurt" and physically become a sinking in and as my chest area, and at other times I have an irritability rise up within me in and as an energetic movement of protection and defense and move in word thought and deed to offend that which I am allowing myself to become inferior to and or believe threatens a belief of myself as being superior, and as this energetic movement within I stop and I breath and I give up this self definition to realize the principle of what is best for all and I direct within and as that which causes no harm, as that which takes what is good and realize the solution towards what is best for all as this is what is best for self, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take a statement of belief as what someone says they are, as something superior to myself, to see superiority as a spite directed to and towards myself, to which I become a retort as spite, in protection and defense where in reality I am only defending and protecting myself own sense of inferiority instead of realizing I am here  and that a belief in one thing being more than another is a separation from myself accepting and allowing myself as life, as ideas of more than and less than only exist if I accept and allow them.

 When and as I find myself reacting to another’s self validation I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, as in what would a situation that creates a win-win scenario as all the parts of myself as life that is me without and within.

When and as I find myself as a reaction I see, realize and understand that I am defining myself as inferior or superior, connecting myself to being less than or more than, fearing a loss and or wanting to hold onto a perceived gain, and as such I do not allow myself to become indolent, I slow myself down and I breath, and I direct within taking that which is good and apply the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self, as another as life, is what is best for myself as this is realizing equality and oneness in and as life here.

When and as I find myself reacting in separation from myself as life in and as judgement as end game as  a label of less than as a belief of a fear of loss, I stop and I breath and I no longer allow myself to disrespect life, and I slow down and employ the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self is that which is a win-win situation.

Day 364 Self Judgement Commitment Statements

If I read about some extreme injustice I become very angry and blame and react, so busy being blame that I no longer am here in common sense of the totality of what is here in earth and who I am as how I am within such a reaction. Then I have expectations that my righteousness will be understood and when it is not, I remain in ignorance singing the tune in and as my mind that another is ignorant or lack any semblance of care for another. Then I blame myself for not having made the situation clear enough, in some way. I remember before my husband died I kept thinking that the magic words must be there somewhere, I had simply not found them. And the answer was right there in front of me, it was what I had constructed as belief that was the separation, not the words individually, but how I used them, what I described, which lacked a complete understanding of what was going on. Even if I had placed my words to be clear, my husband had to take them and apply them himself, this I could not do, this was ultimately up to him, thus we are all to blame for what we allow, and cannot point the finger at anyone else.

I notice this tension in my legs, it is like they have this electrical circuitry that tenses them continuously and somehow, I am the cause of this as what I have accepted and allowed. So, I am attempting to write this out, as this is a behavior I have had for a very long time and it is going to take some time to slow this petrification of myself as how I am within me as how I am moving in detail as myself within.

It has even taken some time to see this, as I did this within my back and that took some time to get to relax. Self forgiveness is a much better tool than any drug. And I do not condone stopping drugs as they perhaps have a purpose for a moment.

I remember my father being able to hear an orchestral work and name the orchestra, the conductor, the piece. This was an ability to measure the character of these parts, which is to say the style of the conductor, and the orchestra and the piece were able to be heard through their combination of qualities. Which means that humans have the capacity to sense here in detail. There are those who can read every form water takes when frozen to understand the age of the ice, the strength of the ice, the atmospheric conditions slowly coming along. All of this is reading patterns, becoming familiar with this world. This intrinsic ability is the nature of the organic machine of the human, and the only reason it is not living up to this in full capacity is that it is denied development. I also think that the development of this is probably greater than any machine built by men today. Even though this within ourselves as humans has been suppressed for so long, we will probably need our inventions to help us discover what we are that some have achieved some level of ability within and as, to allow ourselves as life to be within our full potential as what we are as life, here.

In actuality, we have learned suppression, and this is maintained by a system, currently that is the manifestation of our own suppressions as life. We have completely separated ourselves from life, abdicated what we are as life, not realizing that the only way through to life is as ourselves. This is what was meant by going through the eye of the needle, one must become equal to the substance of life, to fit through, no machine we build is going to get us through, it is only equality and oneness to and as the starting point of life, the very substance of life, the “ sound” of life that is the building block equal and one within all of us. Must seem so abstract when looked at through a mind of chasing ideologies. Realizing these ideologies for what they are, idols to abdicate self responsibility as life, will seem like a death, but it is only a death of idol worship, as the only solution is to respect this actual physical world, as this is what is real. Heaven fed off of this, and it was a projection off the ground of earth. We have all been afraid of a lesser substance, and in the process become inferior to life. The joke is on you. And me. lol We are the creators of our own yokes.

So, I have this person I have known for many years. I went to a gathering with him. Now, he rants incessantly about how people are rude and ignore him. At this gathering there was another woman I have known for years, and I know her mother. Her mother is very much a mother in the traditional sense that she is constantly organizing and cleaning up, making sure things look in order. I know this because she owns a gallery and it is always in order, and this mother is constantly moving and tidying things up. She has been doing this for so long it is like habit as what she is. So, her daughter at this gathering was talking with me and my friend, when she suddenly turned and went to help someone she noticed was holding a bowl - as there was food at this gathering. The daughter went to get involved with the maintenance of the gathering, just like her mother, concentrating of this kind of detail, as though she could not help herself. I was looking at my friend as this happened in a moment, and the whole musculature of the face of my friend tensed and pursed.

We left the gathering and immediately in the car my friend started to go into the same rant about how people are rude and ignore him.  I said to him that this daughter was simply becoming her mother, becoming a role of taking care of the objects at the function, just life her mother, and that it really had nothing to do with my friend, she was simply becoming the habit she was taught. My friend said, I know - which he says all the time when something is pointed out - and continued to talk about how rude this behavior was.  I also know that the father and husband within this family does not believe that women should be in art. Which I will not explain here, so, I understand that this family has serious divisions within gender role play even in the face of this present world where women are more than capable of learning to draw and paint. There are probably layers of issues here that I will not go into, as the point is that it is beliefs, opinions and ideas that build our personalities and these beliefs, opinions and ideas playout in our behaviors, and it is all visible. Which is how my father could determine which conductor was conducting, which orchestra was performing and which piece was being played, and when it was written  and what culture it came from, as the details of the parts as the focus reveal the parts as what is not present and what is made huge and brought forward. And our divisions of quality create a persona that is readable, be it nation, country, tribe, family, gender, social level. All of these divisions where borders within the qualities are not allowed to be crossed, or so we believe.This organization has created separation and difficulty in communication, and this earth is in constant war and strife, thus, what we have created within all this is not working, our existential order is one of destruction and not life and therefor this must change. It is an order of limitation, the parts in themselves not bad, just simply ordered in such a way life is denied, withheld, and lacking communication as the parts with one another. Naturally, there are a few benefitting from this. Which begs the question, are they really? An ease of communication in totality would be a more fulfilling life, this cannot be denied. It is common sense.

So, what is it that is able to “ read” all of this” Can an idea “ read “ this” What is it that takes in all the “ sound “ of this and has some common sense of the parts, if this is developed? And can this “ reader” of here that is each of us, be taken into limited behaviors of blame and spite based in limited insight, as my friend was allowing himself to exist as, based on an idea of himself and what was needed to validate him? And why did he need a specific behavior the lack of which caused a reaction of blame and spite? All of this so silly because it is all wanting something that has no common sense of here, is of no communication of here as being life, living life here, learning to sense here and enjoy simply being here, learning to be and become equal and one in communication with life as what is substantial, here. This is why singular ideas as imagination are pointless, they are fantasies made huge and thus a separation from physical reality. We are actually living a language of fantasy, and this is based on the culture in which we were born. A selection of values creating a persona, and that fantastic persona is very limited. Were it not then an ease of communication would exist on earth. And it does not. Also, had we this, what knowledge and information presented by the media would have outcomes that were agreeable to all, and what is storied on the media is not doing this. The media only plays to each persona losing itself causing fear, instead of directing each of us to understand and stand as life in self responsibility.

And such attention deficit disorder is disordering life, as this is used to allow some to have more than others, and we allow this, because we are so caught up in blame and spite, idea and opinion, our thoughts that are judgements are ideas that something is more than another instead of placing what is here as expression into context with the physical real world, and in so doing this we separate ourselves from life, and our separation, our projection consumes the physical and we become habituated within our ideas, that are taught by those who were before us doing the same, and thus we end, we cannot move through the eye of the needle because we were never here, instead we were in our minds, believing our thoughts to be real our judgements to be real. These judgements when continued become emotions and feelings and then they become our behaviors, our personifications which are then constantly seeking validation, the memores as judgements wanting to be right, wanting a right to life, which is believing an illusion, being the lie of separation and suppression of self as life being here, reading here, understanding here as the physical is the gift to bring self here to allow equality and oneness to and as life here. 

I have to within myself see my own judgements that are separations from life, as what i was taught, not all good or bad, but simply limited, and as this a suppression of myself as life. 

The only solution is to take what I have used as ideas and beliefs and opinions as judgement of what is more than and less than, superior and inferior and bring these back to myself, take what is good and what prevents disease with here, and direct within the principle of what is best for all, even in the face of reaction and protection and defense of personification as behaviors of ego, which is to bring a limitation/ambiguity back to equal and one consideration of practical needs of physical reality, as it is the physical which is the source of life, not a heaven, not the idea touted by a media owned by a corporation that has an idea that it can determine what people need, as believing one knows what people need is to deny the actual physical world being more than able to determine what is needed as the physical is its own technology able to take care of itself, as it can “ read” here as it is life, the very source of life. Taking care of the physical world and allowing it to be what it is, especially the human, to be and become what it is capable of is the only solution, as this is the way of life. And that is just common sense.

Our economic system is not on par with life, it does not support life, it does not prevent disease, poverty, sexual abuse, ignorance, pollution, killing, animal abuse, soil erosion.  Fractional reserve banking within interest lending allows the interests of a few to not only serve in self interest, but use the profits as the principle, divided again and again under names of a different color, move the separated values into building a war machine to capture and divide resource and information; our media being the projector of limited information to diminish understanding and yoke understanding within limited means, all done in self interest with the idea projected that one hand feeds us despite physical fact that it takes many many hands to have built and to built what exists, making it very obvious that the outward manifestation as the order of this system is simply a macrocosm of what we are each allowing and accepting within ourselves on and individual/micro level as consciousness as thoughts as judgements as idea that one thing is more than another, when the order of equality as all being of same substance in expression in different rhythms as what is needed to be the physical world working as an expression of life, meaning on a practical level that physical skill is not more than intellectual skill as both are needed to support life, as where we stand at the moment. 

So, when and as I find myself imagining via a hierarchy of values about another, analyzing them and placing them on a scale of more and less value I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that they are me and I am them, that the present system as consciousness as mind, as personification of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions, exposing themselves within and as me as thoughts, that when repeated and used as directive, become emotions, and feelings, as fear of loss and justification for an action taken to hide the negative judgement in and as limitation and thus separation from here, I slow myself down and I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all, realizing that within directing as such, behaviors of protection and defense of personality will react in self interest, and here I continue to remain within and as breath, and to not allow myself to become inferior to the bully of the mind, and/or judge myself as superior as the only choice is to become the living word within and as what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to a fear of being judged, I stop and breath, and I see, realize and understand that I allow myself to be judged as judgement need only be directed within and as what is best for all, of which is visible as all life on earth being cared for and developed within the inherent nature of man as a physical being to and towards communicating as life in awareness and consideration of all life, as is the nature of life.

When and as I find myself imagining a loss, I stop and I breath and i bring myself back here, and realize that the only thing that can be lost are thoughts as ideas, opinions and beliefs that are not in accord with life, with what is best for all,  and that the mind is an imagination and not what is real, here as the physical, thus the only choice is to stop and breath and bring myself here realizing what is supportive of life absolutely through care for this actual physical world, which means I have to place myself here and accept the physical as me, as what is real.

When and as I find myself moving towards a behavior as a reaction, as spite and blame, as comparison and competition, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down to “read”/look at the actual physical world here, to no longer allow myself to judge on a scale, through a scale, of more than and less than, and instead to look at what is real as the physical and to use my common sense to investigate what works as support absolutely, or to direct within what would support the physical world to prevent disease and allow the life that is here to become directive as itself within and as equality and oneness as what is best for all.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my legs I stop and I breath, and I take the time to slow down and see what I am allowing and accepting in terms of judgement as blame and spite, comparison and competition, that is myself suppressing myself as life into a mental fantasy of limited qualities selected as associations learned, and I direct without fear of loss within and as the principle of what is best for all, thus I walk through my smoke screen of fears as separations being used as label for protection and defense, of self abdication and I speak within common sense of what is best for all here.

When and as I begin to point out how the present system functions as a system of inequality, as a system that begins within each and every one of us, I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to become inferior to here, within and as blame and spite, judgement of more than and less than via comparison and competition, as I take the principle of what is best for all is best for self, and I direct within this principle as myself as life, to begin to redirect this behavior of suppression I have accepted and allowed that is my own behavior of limitation in being equal and one to and as life, here.

When and I have a thought that something has been “ done unto me” I stop and I breath, and I realize that there is a whole past of judgement behind me, resonantly held within as belief, opinion and idea that broadcasts it separation via thoughts, emotions and feelings, which I no longer allow to be the experience of myself here, as I walk this through forgiving this back to myself and directing this within correcting this towards what is best for all via being equal and one with and as this actual physical world, as this is what is real and not the imaginations in and as my mind, as consciousness.

When and as I find myself allowing myself to believe I am being coerced, I stop and I breath, and I stop the circular logic as thoughts of bad and good, more than and less than, loss and gain, reward and punishment, and I take this catch 22 and see, realize and understand what would be best for all, placing the physical as myself here, investigating and speaking up within what is directive here in equality and oneness as what supports the physical world absolutely.

Desteni DIP Self forgiveness to deprogram the separation from life to and towards becomeing equal and one with and as life. Stop the mind of separation. Come back to the physical. Birth Yourself as life. There is no other choice.

Interviews to understand self as mind. Some are for FREE! Eqafe.com
Equal Money. org Let's be practical and get this world in order.
Desteni

Day 297 Character of Disgust Fear Dimension

Character of Disgust Fear Dimension
I was looking at a memory from my past, myself as a child. My parents are talking to me, expecting and answer, a reaction. When that reaction comes, they become calm, as though something was validated within them. In this memory what stands out is that they, my parents became calm. I look at what I had done, and I realize it was the same as them, my parents. I reacted in anger and crying. This was enough, I had become what they were, so I was inferior to them, as I was a child, and thus innocent ( in no sense of separation into and as mind in agreement with them as limited programmed machine), so, this innocent child was as “bad” as them now, and since the child is “closer’ to “here” lacking judgement, the child carries the greater blame, and thus the parents are superior.
So, I had this “thought” within looking back at this memory. And I thought, wow, this is really messed up, really twisted. Unfortunately, this is the logic of the mind, this is the logic of of this system on earth. If something can be taken through the bully of forcing acceptance and allowance that it becomes the fault of the person accepting and allowing, which it is, but also it is to realize that what is presented as the only means of survival creates a “no way out” scenario. The way that money is presently used, which is the way the sustaining resources of this earth are moved, then it is the very system, collectively accepted that is the cause, the individual as anecdotes of the collective, the data, are the source of what is here, dividing this onto one or the other cannot be done, one is the manifestation of the other. The collective is the individual, the individual is the collective, thus the only way to be responsible as life, is to become one and equal, to realize that the very physical structure of life support must be what supports all life, absolutely, and that anything else is a crime, as the abuse of this present system.
If our minds physicals in tandem with out minds take a mirror image construct of what is here, and values of more than and less than heighten and enlighten limited aspects of what is here, thus placing other aspects of what is here in shadows, this is warping reality, distorting this, and our instruments as our physical bodies “reading” here, equal with here, then in conflict and war, which is in essence taking within ignoring a complete picture of here. This is like not using the total structure, and imposing a limited structure, and the utilization of that limited structure, both in development and use, is pulling what is real and supportive of that structure apart. This means the real instrument of life, as this physical world is not understood, and since this is what is here, and what is supporting all of us, it is common sense to work with what is here, in respect, as what is here is the very life that supports us.
Children respond to direction, and they become silent within an adult self validating. They become quiet in the second scenario, and “wait it out” as though they know better than to react, as this would prolong return to playing with their friends.

Some are already playing the game, and often we label them as precocious , but often those precocious ones somehow stop developing when they get into their twenties. I realize this and would talk about this with my father, but it was always within blame, within cultural blame as well, which is still messed up. But, outside of this, is to see a construct, a pattern, and the reason for such to exist in totality is the real question to be asked. It really is that too many limitations have been accepted and made believed as all of life, and so, because it is limited and unequal to and as life, movement stops, cannot go any further. This actually happens to all of us, with the rest such action is more drawn out over time, the illusion, we accept and call a different name, but it is the same.
Within this memory, I realize I react with anger, and then cry, and then I hide in shame. I am ashamed because I gave in because I did not know how to explain myself, as I was a child, and the ending of the action of the adults was a discovery made, a way to use in the future to end what I did not know how to stop, and thus the trap is laid and I accept it, not realizing that i am on my way into and as a limited existence. I have accepted the distortion of reality. In my twenties, the fear will come, and I will be unable to move, which is exactly what happened in college. And it is happening to my one son. He called this semester, and said he had so much fear. I realized I was watching myself.
I realize that in conversing with people, using words becomes one big mess, so much has to be defined, and often there is no patience for this. So often I just walk away, sorting it all out seems impossible. I end up becoming silent and just removing myself in disgust, usually towards the other, and sometimes in sheer frustration because of a lack of willingness to clear things up.
Even when I am willing to give in and discuss, I get angry that the other becomes impatient because they seek a quick fix within this confusion and also do not want to deal with this, or fear something being exposed and called by name, not realizing that nothing is hidden. The reaction to this is anger, which is fear, and it is really saying that the illusion is here, and you (meaning the opposition) is not playing the game - your “bad,” which in and as itself is denial of consequence. Because, it is this that is the cause of dis-ease on earth.
So, I have to allow myself to no longer become “disgust” within working with words, as in having discussions, I cannot allow myself to become confused with the refractions ofemotional polarities, fibonacci spirals/vortex as an alternate reality, a superstition on reality composed of memories wanting self validation to continue, attached to words, and to see that the “stream” of energy can be “de”-fined, meaning “fined” as in found out, as in not fearing that I will be “fined/penalized’ should I call it out, should I find out the name of Rumplestilzskin, after all, Mr. Rumpy will throw a tantrum and fall in his campfire and burn up, and like Gollum, he might start looking like a living being having removed his “ring of energetic blingy fire”, his layer of separation.There really is no other choice here. lol

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a silent disgust within and as speaking, in and as using words, where i believe that the words spoken become one big mess that is unable to be sorted out.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the same as I was in my past as a child, falling into the same reactive behaviors of protection and defense, learned as a response within a moment, as being a child not having the education within word usage to describe what i see, which is in the past, an emotional reaction/fear from the past, and not what i am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my disgust is really my own shame for accepting and allowing limited, secondary constructs that lack substance, and thus are non supportive of myself as life, to be what i have used to avoid facing here, this becoming a habit, and thus a signature of myself moving in separation from looking at the detail of how here, as life expresses itself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand, that the persona of anger within and as me, is myself not looking at what is here, is myself not looking at what I have accepted and allowed, as a self definition, as myself defining my reality, myself not slowing myself down to mirror within and as my words, what is here in detail, where I carry disgust with myself which is being ashamed of what i have accepted and allowed being projected as separate from me, here, thus I allow the burden of my own making to direct me here, my own “ring of fire” layered around me as my thoughts, emotions and feelings, creating this heavy feeling within, worded as a belief that “it is impossible” to cover my own ignorance of how here, as life, a gift, is right in front of my eyes, wanting to be what it is by nature, to flow and express, if only I would slow down, breath and bring myself here, to be patient within the storm of energetic confusion of no real substance manifest as emotion and brin this back to what is best for all, to prevent dis-ease.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that fear is separation from common sense of myself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that shame is really a chosen unwillingness of self as life to move in common sense of here, which means that moving one and equal here, exists, exits the separation from life.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to go into silent hiding from here.
I commit myself to slow myself down and to realize words are to describe what is here, that it is myself as my human physical body that can see, realize and understand here, in and as breath and slowing myself down to no longer follow what is of no real substance as what energetic emotional and feeing reactions as a collection of thoughts that are of judgements of more than and less than based on limited values taught as only what is real, where in all common sense , what is here is what is real, and what supports life.
I commit myself to slowing myself down and to breath, and to realize anger reactions as myself hiding my fear of my own disgust/judgement as my shame of ignoring here, started in childhood within not having the development to explain myself in and as words, or even if I did, a projected belief was held by adults, as the reverse of life, that children are to be seen but not heard.

Day 242 A reaction of irritation

I experienced reactive behavior today towards the presentation of something.
I become frustrated and irritated, not as reactive as I have been in the past within such circumstances, but still, it was there, - an angry irritation.
I realize that my irritation is one and the same as the reaction, emotion made bigger than what is actually here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become irritated, into and as a state of ire, which is myself becoming fear and anger, as reaction within and as myself not being understood, where this emotion has no solution, and all that I can do is walk into understanding the separation from what is real here, as emotions based on judgements of what is more and what is less, specifically within judgements in presentation, not seeing realizing and understanding that stopping and looking to what is here, as the whole of what is here, is not a customary practice as the human has existed within the mind as consciousness, as energy, and thus within and as breath I stop and look at the details of what is here as the physical through this mirage of emotion that appears seemingly impossible, a habit of separation from what is real as the physical, to realize the depths of such behaviors and begin to correct them within and without.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my irritation is myself within becoming an energetic reaction, in self interest, based on an idea, and a moral code, as the habit of consciousness.

When and as I find myself becoming irritated, I stop and I slow myself way down, in and as breath, as I realize within becoming emotional I will have no effect as I become a judge when conversation or words spoken do not meet my expectations as this is a desire to win, reflecting a feeling, as a fear, of loss.

When and as I find myself becoming irritated I stop and I breath, and I forgive my emotions and feelings of self interest, and I investigate what physically exits and practically walk what is best for all, to give as I would like to receive, to support life, here, as this is the value.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe  

Free Eqafe Interviews

Journey To Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Creation's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life