My ikonography of too muchness Day 792

A couple of days ago, I was with my mother.  I had invited her and a visiting sibling over for dinner. 

The conversation then went to other family members, and all the doom and gloom emotional states of being, one of my siblings was , from my mom’s perspective, existing within. I mean, what do mothers often do, but worry about their children, a good, that can become a ‘ song’ a geometry, of sadness. It is so much like a song, because in reality, it is a math, it is a composition. lol,  a community position.  This general care for our family members, and their state of being, is  a good, and yet it is narrow, it does not look at the overall system. It often looks more at the competition between siblings, than the individual strengths, and how we develop into what and who we are, within family networks, and the consequential system of what has become gross inequality.  That system on the greater collective stage, is because of the small movements, practiced and accumulated into something. This is how, any one masters a skill, we have mastered the skill of blame and worry and fear. Just look around.  We, for generations, are generating,  competition, allowing ideologies of belief, to  stand larger than the practical physical reality.  

My mother went into worry about my one sister.  Then, suddenly, it was to also have my sister potentially come to the dinner, and that I was to call her, and sort things out, as she is my twin. 

I could feel myself wanting to run. I could feel that I did not want to participate in this building drama. A drama that one could say is a good, and yet, a spin of perpetual putting out of fires, instead of addressing the root cause.  Sadness is a sense of loss, and in reality, that loss is something to be concerned with. Yet, resolution, takes a meeting of equal understanding into what and who we are, and the consequences of addressing immediate states of lack and reaction, to find the root cause. Analogies could be the health care system. With all the information we have today, as all the consequences of so many of our petrol industry based drugs eventually come out to cause more harm than good, while millions of dollars cross the divide into profits for a few, and the sick get sicker ( I mean look around! ), while all around us, and in the information flow, it is understood that the building blocks of our bodies are of certain synergy with nutrients that naturally occur in well grown plants and animals, as food is real medicine. It is that we are allowing chemicals that are a quick fix to an already accumulated problem, be what is supposedly health, when we are lacking in the essential building blocks that compose the physical reality. This, and the stress and judgements we sound ourselves as, that are NOT a well composed composition that reflects the value being that practical building blocks of physical reality, in respect of this, as icons of belief, based on a past environment, made into crystal formed belief systems, much like that Kabala, that only map out the lack, and are not the form of the cells, and the building blocks of what we are in reality.  We have become a metaphysical geometry, that is not equal to who and what we are, as creation in-FORMation that one could also say is a geometry! 

 I admit that, in speaking with my mother, I was becoming overwhelmed. I allowed all of this to be too much. I left, saying I would look into my sister. 

The next morning I woke up, and suddenly noticed within me, the same emotion I felt that motivated me to leave the situation the day before. In the space of my home, ( and I want to say that I did not react, while standing with my mother in a demonstrative and overt way, it was more I could feel the resistances towards the relationships coming forth in word, and moved to not resist, but to remain stable ).  Suddenly, I could see the layers of the spin, as the math, as the geometry, as the ‘ song’ form within me, of conflicting actions, resistances and overwhelment, leading to confusion, which was the impetus to want to leave.  

On one level what was to be making dinner for a visiting sibling and his family, was turning into a larger production.  On another level, it meant calling my sister, and listening to her, be the same as my mother, and yes, we become out mothers! lol, It is like having two of my mother. Put myself into that, and I was basically being the same, reacting, within myself, to the ‘ sorting out’ of all the emotional states, and maintaining family interactions.  Having dinner for a few people, become a HUGE math equation to solve.  The one thing that has not come up, is wanting to be a savior, the good caretaker, because this is in essence an illusion.  That is actually cool, because this can create my own sense of being burdened, leading to the same outcome, of and as ‘ things are so sad.”  

My reaction, as I stood before my mother, I have to say, was myself caught in the overall sense of being overwhelmed, both practically as in making, potentially, dinner for a greater number, and the dealings with the greater emotional layers, more family members participating would bring. Also, that my mother, resists the same, for reasons I will not share here.  In some ways, it is all entertainment, an occupation to feel like one is doing something.  It is a program running on empty.  It is cyclical.   In writing this all out, for more than a couple of years, taking what is moving within me apart, the patterns become more recognizable. In reality, we are amazing in our capacity, yet we have to look. That wanting to run, with out really looking at that impetus to run, and how that is composed, is not a solution.  Looking, and understanding, does make addressing what has been allowed easier.  It is becoming more a master of what one is allowing, as sound, that compose words, that create sentences that paragraph self direction, self action.  The techno - colored ‘ dream ‘ coat, is within each of us, accepted and allowed, directing us. We have mastered the skill of lack, as tech means skill.  It is allowing one small tiny movement, as a word, and inflaming it with value judgement, forgetting who and what we are, and of which, has allowed a health care system that addresses what we have allowed within ourselves, because this is what we focus on, those emotional energetic warped values, that have no real practical application in reality. our health care system is simply a reflection of what we have become.  If we want a health care system that really stabilizes the composition of what we are, we have to realize what we are, in practical fact.  

I looked at the sudden jumping out of the web of interconnected value judgements within my family, and the relationships of lack as a resonance I run from, within myself. My shadow resonance.  

Overall, it is a lot like juggling a web of seemingly conflicting values, yet in some ways, it is always the same, the directives of not looking at the practical reality, where one understands the next step, to come into alignment with realizing the practical and letting go of the ideological imposed values that are not in respect of the very building blocks of what we are, as the physical, that is creation manifest, that is god. I mean, if everything that is here, as our present system, is made by the many hands of generations of men, using the building blocks of what is here that composes this reality, and which was/is done without thinking, because one is actually focused and doing, ( even within the education system, it being known that opportunity builds ability - and television is of the emotional drama ONLY - more often than not)  it becomes so apparent that a scream of sadness, is us telling ourselves that we are out of focus with reality, with the practical.  We are essentially focused on the loss of ourselves, as this is the place where we sort out what we are focusing upon, and then, redirect back into, onto, what is actual and real, what lends opportunity, what is that which creates what is here, which is being focused and in respect of and on, the physical, where the practical is to consider all things, as seeing the real web of creation inFORMation, and working with direct focus onto that, to make choices that maintain a balance, to accumulate real know how, to accumulate forms and functions that utilize the capacity of all those building blocks working synergistically, together, in ways that allow real expression, that needs no paranormal thin-king that leads to dimensions imposed on reality, that separate one from realizing the potential within where we would enjoy one another. I mean, we have all done this, at times. I remember the big hurricane in America, where many Americans came together to help out New Orleans. Or, supposedly, the money sent to Haiti that never materialized its intention, as it was taken and used in self interest, the voices of this coming out behind the scenes.  Within us, are the real seeds of a desire to create balance, and ensure the stability of our fellow men. We as a collective, have to ensure that what is best is what manifests. We must take back our media, and the currency flow, to realize stability and care for all things that are here, that are of the same building blocks.  

For myself,  when facing the storied information, of emotional techno/ skill-set color, it is to slow down, and realize the web of value judgements, as the unsorted, and to do what I have been doing, without expectation of sudden resolution, as what must be practiced is the practical application, which also means pointing out a system that must be reformed, to realize the value is life. As the potential in each, when brought forward, and given opportunity for development, is a win win for each and every composition of the practical building blocks of life. Just as that resonant meta-physical storied polarized value system was built, with great and subtle detail, so can we change that rushing train, and use the same skill, the same ability, to work with who and what we are in fact. We are physical, we are on a physical planet, composed of building blocks,  that can be formed in ways that realize the expression of life, as the inherent pure flow of life, of creation in each and every thing. We can change the focus of ourselves onto what is real and forgive ourselves of the transgression of fear of loss, as this is an illusion, and not what is real. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to warp reality, and to move into value judgements, as polarized values, as beliefs, within and a s a fear of loss, to then wallow in a belief that things are sad.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and a s I find myself moving into believing that things are sad, I am not present here, moving as life, as being the realization in thought, word and deed, in and as there being no problems, and only solutions , which are always practical and in plain sight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow emotional values, as polarized beliefs, that circumnavigate the practical application that is movement in respect of what and who I am as the physical creation, that I have allowed myself to make value judgements larger than life, instead of being present here, enjoying the expression of life that is me, here, and that is all that is here, and to within every breath, realize the potential inherent in the form that is a composition of building blocks that are understood, in the reflection of and as the opposite of what supports realizing the necessity of what are the building blocks of the physical reality, here, inherent, in the words, real food is health. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become overwhelmed, to want to run away within this, as in not wanting to face a false construct of sadness, believing it to be too much, when I am here, I am breathing, I am able to realize what is in plain sight as the physical here, which is more normal and more practical and always present.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist looking at relationships, be them the practical reality, or the developed opposite-of-life-skill of weaving a web of emotionally laden, as polarized value judgements made larger than the practical reality here, as the physical, as these stories of information, can be resolved back into the practical, as applying focus onto what is here, and using presence to realize movements of no harm,  here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that speaking up is too difficult, that facing the skill set of limitation, as seeing only the lack, as something that is composed of being inferior to the practical and to realize that when and as I find something impossible I am allowing myself to become the polarity of and as believing myself to be inferior, and allowing a polarized entity of and as belief, to be superior, which is an abdication of self responsibility, within and as not seeing realizing that I have, as the very capacity of and as me, built this skill set of only seeing lack, as walking the small, builds the whole, and thus, I have allowed a false construct, in self interest, believing this would make me a ‘ more’ as an idea of superiority, which means that my sense of inferiority, is an embarrassment of myself wanting to be superior, and overall, this an imbalance, within and as respecting what is here, as life, which means to be normal, and present, realizing nothing can define me, but what I allow, and that what builds  effective living is to respect all things, as the physical to be in respect of, in synch with, what is here,   and to stand in practical application of considering all things, here, as this physical reality is creation manifest. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist emotional storms, based on a past of believing such thins to be a slippery slope, not seeing realizing and understanding the circular logic of value judgements as polarized thought that pits shifting dimensions of reality, against one another, to never realize stability, which overall is an illusion, as the practical and the physical is always here, in plain sight, in plane sight as the very physical horizon always present, that which is of the resources that the paper castle is always wanting to own, through deceptive words on a piece of paper, which overall, is an illusion, and a busy-work that only has the power we give to it, as practically on the ground, we all realize what is necessary to realize a stable and productive application, to ensure stability for each and every living thing here. as we are the perfect means to be and do such, as we can focus here, and being focused here, is where we are at most ease, and of most productive ability. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become overwhelmed with facing emotional value judgements as polarized values, specifically within an idea that things are sad, which overall is an acknowledgement of loss, which means to correct in practical application of what lends greater self expression, within and as being focused on practical solutions, that realize equality and oneness, with this reality, as creation manifest, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as well, to have a touch of superiority within this, and a color, as a pull into righteousness, which is a distraction and not being focused here, where, for example, just as in music, one directs to and towards what brings forth an effective and applicable balance within and as performance, which is self forgiving as the value is always, so-to-speak, coming into balance, as this is opening awesomeness of doing, of being focused, of realizing capacity,  as this is what we all want for ourselves here as this is where we are most happy, as giving is receiving, equal and one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at the same time, not realize the value of practicing the small, to realize the construct of the more complicated,  within this, in relation to the words, and how the words are the small that build the very web of emotional values, as inflamed value judgements that I allowed, in a moment to seem too big to handle, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and rejoice in the small, to bring forward a sense of awe, as discovery, as lending what grounds one in the practical, where one takes a step to see further, and to become a practical expression of creation, which is to consider all things, to take that which is good and does no harm, to rebuild a reality that respects the very building blocks of creation, as sound manifest into form and function, as the circular spin in polarized value judgements is an illusion as it has not real creative power, and is a game of associative think-king lacking real respect of all things, as the physical reality in plain sight, as the plane of physical reality filled with trees that we cannot live without, as we are here, and physical before cultural and religious beliefs that are of a ritualized past based on the environment, as what is real, is the physical reality here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I can reverse sadness, into and as realizing the means of composing sadness are the means of decomposing sadness as believes, and to then rebuild in accord, in synch, in respect of what is here as the physical, to stand equal and one with reality, as life in expression, thus the solution to sadness is to realize that one can rebuild and look directly here, to realize  a sense of loss need not define who and what one is, as one can change focus, back onto the practical, to become normal and to be both giving and receiving, as the two are one and the same, on a physical and practical plan- it that is the at most- sphere of potential to be and create a world that is best for all, as what is best for self is best for all here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, in every moment, with every move, to live the humbleness of giving and receiving here, as this is being in synch with who and what I am, as being in respect of all things, and within this, to stand equal and one to a polarized entity of associating to values of more than and less then, in a bubble, resonantly within myself, which is an incorrect use of the imagination, as I can give and receive what is here, as the physical as an action of respecting all things, realizing nothing can be lost, as a loss is a lack of focus here, as realizing the practical building blocks of creation, that are the cells, composing the trees, here, the mirror image of building effective skills sets, that realize the whole and the parts, equal and one, with and as every movement,  an image and likeness of a sensory respect of and as the value being life here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the huge resonant construct of and as belief, that does not fit into reality, as it is a state of separation from being present, from using the small, as what I sense is a tiny movement in my heart, that is as though, I keep trying to get beliefs to match this reality, when that movement of giving being receiving, can move as a voice, from the heart,   that is fecund and that for so long, I feared as being considered dirty, whicb is ironic, because in the word dirty, is DIRT TIE, which is to ‘ tie’ myself to the very building blocks of this reality, as the composition of dirt, which could be soil, and as is known, there are more things in a handful of dirt that in the uni-verse combined, such is the play of sound that can lead to a distraction with this reality, that is physical and that is the means of life here.

When and as I find myself moving into resistance, I stop, Ibreath, I slow myself down, and I assess, as investigate my skill sets, as the techniques I have accepted and allowed as the means of building a persona, and I look here, to realize my own resonant separations, composed of beliefs,  as I change my I CONS/ IKONOGRAPHY, to a humble, I can! 

When and as  I find myself following a river of resonant belief, a current of words streaming within association of limited respect, as self interest, only, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I realize my own accepted and allowed skill sets, and I assess, as look at the parts of the whole, of a self imposed state of resonant separation, and the living reality, as the physical around me, and the present system that mirrors out-of-synchness turned normalcy bias,  to realize my own ICONS/IKONS, and to move into I can, with humility, as slowing down, and not fearing being defined, as even moving into understanding, does not define me, but for a moment, as a form of assessment, using what can also do this, with the practical reality, as the physical around me, to take what is good and does no harm, to mirror this, as lend capacity, seeing realizing and understanding, the real web of life, as the physical, where each one, is me in another life, as a ‘ cell ‘ of creation.

When and as I find myself wanting to run, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand how limitation can move in a circular logic, that can have its own tension, that is much like a  wall of information, that has a current to it, and can be understood, as assessed, as opened through bringing it back to self, where I reflect where (i) have been the same, and as such to expose my own storied inform of polarized values, to reflect, as model, almost like, lol, building a cartoon, in a moment, to bring forth, for example, my own ignorance of what I have allowed myself to be immune to, to direct into being of same sound, of same mind, to then allow solutions that realize the value is life, as the physical reality here. 

When and as I find myself resisting, as a tension of and as wanting to move away, I stop, I breath, I assess, as wanting to move away from fire is a good thing, lol, in all practical common sense, as one can change the goal post, within bringing in another dimension of reality,  out of habitual states of being, running on empty, and, within this, to do the math, as breath, and ground myself here, to see realize and understand, that I am  much like an instrument in an orchestra, where i am playing what is here, and yet within that, there are many ways to focus on what is produced, here, and thus, the potential to realize what is here, as resonance, and reality, is in all ways, present. 

When and as I find myself believing what is around me, is too much, I stop, I breath, I realize my own resonant frustrations of the past, as practiced habits of , for example, the belief of the  impossible,  and the too muchness,  and the regret of a life not lived- potentially,  and I stop, I assess, investigate where need be, I look at my ICONS/IKONS, and I remember who and what I am as a physical beingness, and realize, I can, with gentleness, with allowing myself to rejoice, as re- juice, as realize the awesomeness of discovery, as re-joy here, to live the value being life, here. I

Ican, Iam, Iassess, Iinvestgate, Ilook, Isee, Irejoice, here. 

                            Inner Cultural Awareness of Network

Day 356 The lesser self imagination as projection reacting to self judgement.

I have a person staying at my house. I have noticed that they basically have two “ Moods” one is “ dark/closed/vacuous” and the other is lively/smiley/happy.
It’s like, “ who are we today, what face cometh forth? So this perspective I took back to myself. On one side, the negative polarity, I fear failing, I fear rejection, I fear saying the wrong thing, I fear being seen, I fear having to speak up, I fear being ignored, I fear losing what i have. On the other I realize I become authoritative, busy, officious, proud. It is like this is how I project myself as what I have learned to be of purpose within what organizes and is the way to take care of my life. But the values of this as the being of myself within the negative face, the emotional face, is so busy with itself as its’ nature that it does not stop and look here in common sense. The positive “ directive” personification has a whole set of rules about how to be organized and efficient. It is not to ignore some of these guidance structures, as the remediation within what worked and what did not work is fine, but it is to not take this personally - or to label another within such a way also- but to use this to realize what works that prevents a mistake and to reflect where the mistake was not being self as life, meaning in equal consideration of all life, which means using this actual physical world and becoming aware of what works and that perhaps what created any friction and conflict was a self interested desire that rejected and neglected equal consideration as in loving your neighbor as yourself, which means being patient with a neighbor when they are acting in self interest! It is the being of self in self interest within limited consideration that the existent system is one of inequality and that the physical world is what supports us in form and function that is the mis-take, not the person, as the person is capable of understanding life, it might take some time, but there is no other choice, as we all know that anger and stress as fear of loss, the byproducts of inequality supported by unequal distribution of what supports and allows self responsible development physically and mentally , does not a state of health create.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from a common sense of what is best for all in and as myself as life to judging myself as a failure, to believing myself to be incapable of looking here, to feeling less than in reaction to a reaction of separation from life as the voice of blame and spite and judgement within and as the world I was raised where some values were made bigger than others to suit survival in a pyramid scheme that is the outward manifestation of an inward self abdication of life as myself and every other human on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I created a personification of values, as belief, opinions and ideas, to suit myself to be ready to survive as I hid from myself as life, into and as energy as consciousness , a lesser self, a divided self , and then became automatic within and as this, thereby creating a restlessness within and as me as I was not utilizing myself as life and as such became disquiet in and as myself within into a nervous maintenance of constantly checking the limited order of myself I had created as a lesser self and within this lived a restlessness that had a sense within that somehow the promise of my choices, as ideas learned as a child, did not materialize, and yet it was not the existence in many aspect that was good or bad, it was the limitation that withheld a full sensation and interaction with life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have inner conversations that were concerned with ideas as to how I was supposed to be as a woman, as a wife, as a female, as a teacher, as social interaction where I did not consider the physical world and the lives of others on earth as the plants and the animals and the soils and the rocks and the water of this earth as I considered only the human societal structure and the proper perspective of keeping a ‘ peace” within this limited interaction that in totality as mankind , was in separation from being one and equal in consideration of all material things that are of this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how what is here is a sound of life, meaning a movement in and as life, and as such, when in separation causes a friction and conflict with here as it has no real substance to hold onto of which self as life is composed, meaning there is no “ holding” to seek, and thus loses ground and becomes reactive, which can only be directed within the principle of what is best for all as all that is here is of the sound of life, and therefor can only be life when allowing life here, thus any destruction and or killing of life cannot be life, as the only choice is to allow life, as this is an action of understanding life, in all forms, even those people and children, plants and animals, sands and soils in the middle east, thus to bomb a country is not an act of supporting life, of allowing life, and thus is an act against life, as all acts that are of destruction are acts of friction and conflict, which is an indication of a separation from common sense of how the physical world functions and such is acrime against life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the simplicity of this, and that it is the friction and conflict as a state of being in and as energy, in and as ego, in and as consciousness, as actions of blame and spite, of destruction and disregard that is an extreme state of disease as in fearing a loss, fearing death, that builds a complication when not addressed that develops consequences that take over the directive of ourselves as life in trying to fix the consequence that was created because of a separation from life, from equal consideration of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my back chat in and as my mind is the voice of trying to fix the consequence of my own accepted and allowed separation from life only trying to solve within a scenario of pros and cons within limited associations as human society without regard to all life, of which no solution can be found.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how much I listen to the consequence of my separation from life, as the voices of more than and less then being in answer to the consequence of my separation instead of seeing the catch 22 for what it is, this division from life that is myself judging here as what is less than and the means to a more than as the positive, this being in a state of friction an conflict weighing options within limited means, where no answer can be found as the only answer is within and as equality and oneness with and as life, which means being equal and one with all that is here, as the plants and the animals and the trees, and the soils and the water, that none of this can be owned as it is in totality a composition of life here, and thus is the way and means to being life, so destruction of this in any way is inequality with and as life here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that all reactive expression are of energy and thus cannot touch me unless I accept and allow them, as I am life, as I can stand within and as the directive principle as what i am and become equal and one with and as life in accepting what is here as earth as all on this earth and directing myself within equal consideration as the principle of what is best for all, as what always brings friction and conflict as judgement and fear of loss back to what supports absolutely through understanding how the physical human body functions as consciousness, through explaining how here works, as what is here is many forms in expression of life, and that these forms can be seen realized and understood, it is the separation from self as the sound of life being in full capacity as individual and collective common sense of same substance as what is that which is the basis of all life on this earth and all of existence.