Getting lost in the patterns falling down from my mind and believing the emotional bodies building within my lower back.
I have been standing and facing people this summer with greater intensity than in the previous months. Within this, I begin to not only see my own patterns of reaction as my beliefs, but also, the ‘ songs’ of others as their spin on reality as the words they speak and the physical reactions some so carefully condense in small physical movements, hiding anxiety and forcing a suppression of themselves as life - their full potential to be equal to life as the physical.
Yesterday, I was at a gathering of people discussing problems and looking for solutions. After the death of my husband, where I had lost everything that I had built to define me, to survive, I had noticed that people were more often than not, projecting their words in such a way as to substantiate and validate their own constructed self definitions, and that within this, no single one was hearing or seeing another person. It was like a circle of people self validating without any awareness of anything but that story in front of their eyes, like a televised event only they could see. The words they used a projection of information they cross referenced within an effort to reinforce their own constructions of meaning. A meaning that over all was in separation from reality.
Yesterday, when an ex-teacher listened to a school administrator, she said, you speak with nouns, and make things sound so pretty, but it has no real solution. I was astounded and am so thankful for this woman’s words, it opened a door for me that I had only deciphered in my mind , yet had not seen in action. Suddenly, it was as though every person was a ‘ tenor’ so-to-speak and I was within that objectivity where I heard the words of others as a ‘ song’ so to speak. The gamut of the quality of the words so extremely limited, yet some of the parts holding a truth. Such a very narrow focus overall.
It is not really any different than a pop tune. Limited and very narrow within its expression. More of a whine, with a depressed quality that is depressing into self pity as an endless game that is used to define one’s self. It is like to say, “ if I listen to the tune, I can ride the ‘sea’ of my belief and continue in a depression of my own self accepted suppression .” Such a lot of work, lacking ease, causing a death instead of a transformation.
And yet, it is to listen to the parts, to take that which is good and begin to ground this into reality, into seeing the full gamut of physical living. This entity of belief, cannot define me unless I accept and allow it. It is just like a ghost in a machine, that ghost believed to be more real than that on which is rests as the physical. It is like the matrix movie where the information flows down and covers reality. Where one only sees the information, and not what is real as the very substance of the physical that is the means of this ghost- a measure that is limited, extremely so. One can realize this in the loss of awe within every moment in one’s life. That awe that a child can express in the simplest of things. That awe is that which can slow down and notice the cells in a blade of grass creating a blade of grass, an expression of life, here.
I have in the last weeks, sensed within me a weight that at moments I realize, in this moment here, a sense that the switch from a mind consciousness to respecting what is life as the physical, is impossible. There is too much to move through, and this has caused this weight and it is composed of what beliefs I have accepted and allowed to define me. I am to blame, and to correct what I have accepted and allowed within me, as a mind consciousness only, my own separation from life. No one can ‘ clean this up’ but myself because I am here with this. It means to give up everything to have everything. And it is a process that never ends, it is a journey to life. It is the solution. It is to forgive my self accepted and allowed mind consciousness in separation from life.
One of the physical things that I have noticed in the last weeks is that my body appears to me to be saying, ‘ SLOW DOWN.” And, I mean this in a way that appears to move against any sense of logic I have learned as a mind consciousness system. I have also believed that this is myself getting older, and then there is a fear attached to this, so within this, there is this sense as a belief that I am getting older, and also this sense that this slowing down is myself becoming more aware. The two things happening at the same time. And yet, with this experience yesterday, this slowing down has allowed me to see more of the existent patterns that a mind consciousness exists as. This moves against all belief as my mind consciousness! It is like giving up what is believed to be a truth, as this rushing, to find that this directive as slowing down is really the answer to grounding myself into seeing the patterns of separation from the physical world. This is like working with more than only being in my mind. And here, I must always remind myself that I tend to turn things into ideas.
I must ask myself, ‘ How can something so limited be impossible to breach?” Overall, this is an illusion, because ultimately it cannot be impossible to breach! It is like seeing the smoke and mirrors and realizing they can be dispersed and that overall the nature of this illusion is so lacking in any real substantive measure to believe it is real and can influence one’s self has only the power one gives to it!
Ironically, there are no mis-takes, as bringing the limitation as a lesser construction as belief as a mind consciousness, is walking the illusion back into life. Thus all reactions are not to be taken personally, and instead immediately assessed and directed into what defines life as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the ghost in the machine is a mind consciousness that is of extreme limitation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the weight of my own separation as ideas, beliefs and opinions that have no real substantiating quality with and as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see my own constructs as mind, and realize the extreme limitations that they exist as, a composition of inferiority to life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing equal and one with and as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the information I have accepted and allowed as belief, as opinion, as idea, a measure about reality, that is not equal to reality, as the physical, as this was here before any culture was what I accepted and allowed from day one, as a child.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I as a self accepted and allowed mind consciousness cannot change.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to point out how much we humans exist as a mind consciousness, when we accept the idea of ‘ mindfulness’ as what we have as information passing in our minds as thoughts composed of words, built of past experiences, can be ‘ breathed through’ and not become what directs us, which means we can understand that what is in our minds is not who we can decide to be, here, thus, we can see, realize and understand that as humans we take in a measure, as belief, opinion and idea, and believe that to be more real than reality, and can use breath to stand outside of thoughts, yet we must realize that what we think is not what is real as being a measure equal and one to life, as the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing this wall of information as mind, and interrupting the patterns of belief, opinion and idea, in such a way as to deconstruct and reconstruct the limitation, within and as sensing reality as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm, to move into solutions that can withstand the test of time and be of support for all life, realizing that life is the value and the means to live a life in expression that is of a potency that includes all life here.
When and as I find myself becoming heavy, within and as my legs, I stop and I breath, and I assess my own self accepted and allowed limitations, as I slow down and breath, grounding myself here, taking the space to assess my ghost in my machine as a mind consciousness I accepted and allowed, to realize my own self accepted and allowed inferiority, and I slow down some more, until I can begin to reconstruct my insight ability to be directive in not only answering to limitation, and also, moving into solutions that give structures that ground which is to open doors and allow self discovery, in all the joy that self discovery brings as this is what I would want for myself, as this is what I would want for any child as me, here.
When and as I find myself having a thought within this ‘ as the norm of the system, that I am getting older” I stop and I breath, as this is, in this moment as how I see this, a measure as a mind consciousness as a program that I am getting heavier with the h-oldings of belief as a limited mind consciousness built in separation of life as beliefs, opinions and ideas, here.
When and as I find myself becoming heavy in and as my legs, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I begin to see, realize and understand the measure of my fear, the measure of my belief, the measure of my inferiority to life here.
When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop I breath, I slow way down, as in a sense this is my physical body telling me to slow down, as the weight is a rush that does not ground me here, that does not answer practically to here, which brings up a memory of myself rushing at times, like a moment of suddenly standing up and bumping into someone, as I begin and allow myself to chase a desire, at times to appear engaged, with a excitement in ‘ having something to do’ lol
When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, as this is a memory as a ghost in the machine as myself as a physical sentience, as life, here, following a limited construction of belief, opinion and idea, in separation from respecting life, the means of which is manifest as a physical form here.
When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my leg areas, I stop I breath I slow myself down, I realize the habit of my limited belief as a mind consciousness system, and I assess my limitation and practical reality, to self correct the limited beliefs I have allowed to define me within survival, where I see motions of anger, and desire to blame and spite, project and imagine, fantasize and dream, and I continue to slow down, to name the self accepted and allowed separation, as belief, opinion and idea, until I begin, step by step, to deconstruct and align myself here, into what moves with humbleness and ease, having no fear and being forgiving as this is what I would want for myself as life.
When and as I find myself becoming heavy, within and as my legs, I see, realize and understand that my natural physical ease is showing me where I am walking in limitation, and instead of moving into self validation, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, I assess the weight of my own inferiority, realizing justifications warped into superiority, assessing the practical world around me, discovering it through bringing my own self definitions as ideas into what does no harm as a practical state of being, and allows the self discovery that has the nature of an awe of and as the world as creation ever present around us/myself here.
When and as I find myself speaking in nouns, or being in the presence of nouns as words, where things as ideas are turned into pretty icons, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I assess the difference between living words where words are directive into creating directives that allow the self discovery of real practical living in ways that allow the potential of every man to live a full life, here.
When and as I find myself , within this moving into righteousness, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I see, realize and understand that this is wanting a quick fix, and myself rejecting life here.
When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand I must assess my accepted and allowed belief system as a mind consciousness system, and name the limitation assessing the energy as blame and spite, projection of a filmy entity onto objects, hiding from being self responsible to and towards life here.
When and as I find myself becoming a weight as fear, as a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I assess the movement of myself in thought and word, and the directive as myself as a mind consciousness deed, I forgive, and step into the unknown, seeing realizing and understanding that there are no mis-takes, only a process of grounding myself here, equal and one to what does no harm to discover what is best for all.