I am dealing with the system at the moment. Sometimes I feel as though I am on a slippery slope as I talk with other people. I have to remind myself why I am here. I have to remind myself what the manifested and/or manufactured behaviors are of a cracked and crumbling belief system filled with polarities that are like a Humpty Dumpty self, a scattered self. A self so caught up in chaos that what happens is a protection and defense of limitation voicing spite and blame’s, rejection and resistance , like a spin around in a value that is no longer aware that this is in fact what is happening.
In such a situation, there is no time for reaction, there is not time to become angry, or sad, or to point out the fault only, and by this I mean the resistance ( this word having the word ‘rest’ within it- meaning where one rests in a belief that is an emotional polarity, a value judgement) made larger than life, a kind of stagnant state of being. This only inflates that value judgement and I get caught in having to sort that value judgement out. It is like pulling on stings with no reaction, and with only solution. I cannot look at time in some respects because the very rhythm in the moment can make such appear to be an endless measure of the same. This in itself is an illusion, because the practice of being solution in every moment can accumulate and build a presence that begins to move as this, gaining momentum and moving with greater ease as this is applied. A memory would not be able to see this, as a memory is only a measure in a moment. one would have to use a sense of registering many memories to realize a change. And, memories are another form of information/measure/data.
It is such a calming thing to realize this. Yet within me, there remains a sense of fear, the voices of ‘ what if “ lingering within and as me from a past of not having realized this. And yet, it is also like playing in tune, meaning that which is the sound that is the harmony that lends directions is there and can be the constant, because it is clear.
Within this I ask myself ‘ Why am I here?’ I am here to be present within how this all works, I am here to be present with creation, which is physical. I am here to be present and equal to what sustains, to what allows constancy , to what supports all things realizing the value is being here, where the sound of all the sounds around me allow each part to remain in balance, which is similar to remaining in tune- and this is ways that reflect what is around me to ensure what does no harm and what gives direction within the ever present solution to and towards this quality of making the choice to do no harm- which is the same as saying to realize the value of all things as the physical is life information. It is here, right here in front of me, and it is the means of remaining constant within every moment I take being grounded and considering a move that harms nothing. It is what I am as an expression of life, it is the means of my being.
I use the metaphor of Humpty Dumpty these days as a crutch in a moment, because it allows me to realize that I may in a way, bring back the scattered measure of parts and placing them in the practical. Any moment of reaction to such only substantiates that separation, that scattered self. As I have had others remind myself of my own polarized value judgements, grounding myself in reality once again, and then sensing the separation I accepted and allowed, I can say that this is what I would want for myself, thus this is what anyone would want.
It is cool because it is like a gentle drive within and as me, especially as I realize that no measure need define who and what I am here, as there is only here in this moment and that the why of me, is simply being here, in life expression, respecting all that is here because this reflects myself as what I am as life to me. Without this, I cannot express the greatness of being life information. Without the world around me, would I have any definition at all? No, all that is, is an expression in form, hence all that is shows me to myself.
I feel like a joy within this, something that has been suppressed for so long it in some ways wants to burst from my chest. And in the company of this is a sense that this is okay. Let it be.
I am not here to survive, that is the illusion. I am here to be. The why of myself being here is to understand the formation of life and to move with and as it, to sense and to enjoy what I am, which is a physical information of all that builds the physical world that is creation in expression. The physical is the nothing in formation. Thus, I could say, ‘ god’ is a breath in form, hence I am the composition of that form where that form is “ god’ hence I am the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, as what is real is the physical. What is in my mind, is simply a reflection of that, thus what is in my mind is a reflection of ideas about the physical, what is in my mind is secondary to reality. Reacting to beliefs, opinions and ideas, is essentially reacting to a ghost in the machine that is the body that is a man hued with value judgements that have no equality to the physical.
Why am I here? To participate in life, to be equal and one to the physical world as this is what is real.