Saturday, June 3, 2017

The storm is only as big as I allow it Day 775

Yesterday a local person I have known for years sat and talked with me. The degree of the use of hyperbole, which uses labels intensified with value judgements, in the words and descriptions used told no real story other than techno-colored dream coat. lol. The word ‘ techno’ I recently discovered as being ‘ skill.” Thus, ‘ techno’ colored, if color is a way to frame emotion, would mean the skill of using colored, or polarized values. 

This is such a busy work. If I took what was said, I would have absolutely no understanding of what was really happening as actions about and in, and of the reality around me. None. Astounding. 

Such a techno of emotion and feeling expression, can appear to be so loud, and so real, and of such force, it would be hard to counter it, if one was of a focus on this without any sense of objectivity. I can imagine a child trying to decode this. It would be a chaos, and of little real value. And, it is of such a punishing state,  the blows of and as it, would be something to run from. It would also, in the process of learning to ‘ read’ this, really slow down one’s ability to put things into a balanced order.  Such behavior would require a protracted learning process, and divide one from what is more natural. I mean, look, when someone talks about something, with a more complete and effective understanding, it is enjoyable to hear, because it lends more here-ness.  If we look, so much of the time- the chronology of our creations as words, are a spin in an motional roller coaster. I feel at this moment, that what I learned so much of, was how to ride the roller coaster!  A cool-aid to get along and go-along, to survive. 

One thing I notice about myself, done within looking at contrasts as my behavior, is a day when I became so angry in a family situation, to the point where I could say, I could only see black within me. In that moment, being that, as in being that anger, that was that of which I speak, this form of a intense desire to resist and push away, reject and punish in a verbal way, with some find of ‘ force,’ was, in that moment, suddenly, not the place to go. Another process of elimination. In that moment, no matter what, being that intense emotional reaction, even if I was correct, was unacceptable. The subsequent sense was of not wanting to go into that kind of reaction, and yet not being clear on a more directed order , time-chronology, to move as.  I had become the skill of colored values, and in a moment, saw no real purpose within it, and yet, had not built a real purpose, with a real principle to stand as in stead, as myself.  And yet, the illusion, is that who and what I am is actually, and always is, right here. This is all an order of sorting out the focus of myself as the hyperbolized technology I accepted and allowed, and instead considering and valuing who and what I am in total. 

I did notice, at times, and was aware of , at times, of myself trying to force something onto a scenario. I was trying to force this ‘ story’ out in front of me, as a projection as a composition of ‘ stuff’ as a consequence of movements, more of making some values HUGE over others, as a ‘ thing’ right there, in the moment, in front of me. I would become increasingly more intense in forcing my storied creations out in front of me, as me. I was not even aware of how much I was doing this, as all focus was on that creation, that entity, that thing, of a picture, of ideas, that were,  inchoate.  I had the sense that this is what I was doing. Behind it, was a sense of hopelessness, that had no emotion. I would call it a ‘ hopelessness’ of truth, because there in the corners of the storm, was an awareness that what i was being had no real value. I suppose that grew, as what is within us, as what is accepted and allowed, grows, as it comes up again and again until it is bigger and unable to be denied. what one practices, works both ways. A more perfect practice, as more recognition and respect of the physical as life, would bring forth greater awareness and real effective creation and presence. My separation from the game of spewing emotional values, also had an observer of and as realizing the lack of real effect such behaviors allowed in my immediate environment.  We ll know what we do, thus there is no real excuse! 

When I really knew a piece of music, and or was comfortable in producing the sounds that made music, I could ‘ move around in it’ so-to-speak. I could tweek it, play within it. I could change values within the order or succession of sounds. It was like I could ‘ walk in it.” 

Words are the same. 

 Yesterday, while being in the presence of a projection of value judgements, all I could do, was to watch this, take a time-line from it, as the objects on which expletives as value judgements colored, and use what understanding I had, as most of what was talked about was about things far away,  and draw more effective relationships towards realizing the practical, via looking at what is right here in my world, as the very order, and lack of care for the reality around me. Meaning, realizing what is good for all things as what would improve what is here around me, as simple things, like caring for a home, having a home that is not more than what one practically needs, the state of the environment around me, the use of the environment, the degree of focus on all things, as others around me, the patterns of behavior in my local area, etc. One example of a small thing, is the realization that a young man, who walked up and down my street many times, suddenly was no longer there, and not because he had moved, because he had died of a drug overdose. What has been accepted and allowed, as an overall hyperbolization of limited values, causing storms of non-focused potential, are right outside our doors, we need only look. 

To suddenly bring all this forward, in the face of that same state of being, as I had suddenly realized, through a process of elimination, as being ineffective, yet at a loss, because of a lack of correct practice and use of myself, - to being the practical forward, with many details, as best I can, in the face of a dramatic value system, would take patience and persistence, to essentially bring forth was is more natural, as who and what we really are, before a separation into hyper-poles of judgement , creating a vortex, like an inversion of self that eats the physical substance of self,  and creates a self that does not realize life. Dis-covering in this regard, out of a mis-use of self, is to open a window, where the window was built by the self, and that outside world, was always there, as it is that life right here.

In relation to being subjected to what has become a norm, to some degree. I could see, where non-reactions towards this, and a focus into a greater and clearer order of the practical, did not feed that emotional storm. And that storm, couldn't define who I was choosing to be, as the very presence of my attention. I reality, there was no real worth within moving into that storm, and yet,  to look at it, though a practice of sorting this out remains, in some ways, I have always known what I made into a not-known. Thus, I can blame no one but myself, and even that must be forgiven, as it has no real equality and oneness with the substance of life that is right here, and always has been. 

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