Who am I? What do I process as information? Day 732

I had one of those situations where I realized I was not doing the math. I was not looking at the numbers, I was not looking at the equation. I simply followed something that had been said again and again, and accepted this as a truth.  I was not really LOOKING. I was not cross referencing HERE, this reality and what mendacious formula was placed to and towards me. I was not seeing the gossip. I was not processing the words, and relating them to reality in common sense. 

How much d I do this? probably more than I realize at the moment. For example, I never realized that a virus has never been found! Viruses are described by what other things are present, so what describes a virus is what the virus is not. Or, a virus supposedly must be present because other things are present.  By law, one cannot say that something happened unless the thing is measured, and yet, within viruses, we accept decisions about a virus by what it is not.  This is another one of those things that is a subtle manipulation, in that the laws say the thing justifying the means, must be measured, and yet, the dogma propagated is what something is not, thus what is used has never been proven as fact, and yet we are lead to believe, through statements as a word, as ‘ virus’ as really being something that exists, when it has not been proven to exist and yet, accept its existence and accept recommendations about it based on its  non-defined existence. I can see where I could spin around in this, and probably already am. I am a product of this system, as this was the information around me, and I followed, meaning I did not investigate beyond the string of words presented. This is how an uninformed consent happens. This in tandem with a school system that imparts a general scaffold of information without real living opportunity to investigate and direct one’s presence into a real physical understanding through living experience.  Here, I have to realize, in space, that somehow, I learned to crawl, I directed myself within that, thus I must have the capacity to move through the eye of the needle, meaning I must have the capacity to sense space, no matter how small. After all, I practice the smallest of movement of my hand to learn to vibrate on the violin, and I can see where my presence can sense that tiny change from the top of the back and forward movement of my hand with a relatively fast reading sense of the space! When it is said that one should be able to hear/here the grass growing- which I expect must be an awesome experience - it must be something we are able to do! 

This would mean that one’s focus must be HERE. 

I could also see where this would be so incredibly fulfilling, I can only imagine! The way out is not to imagine, but to focus here, in this creation in manifestation. It would be to get to now /here ( no-where, no wear, know-here) , as all of me. Yet, the separation into a bubble of imagination must be resolved, the math done, the presence here, accepting life, embracing myself and what is here,  as I would not want to be left behind, and therefor, I would not want anyone to be left behind! 

I must master what has been mastered into a mind consciousness, as imagination, that is using a limited math to live, instead of seeing directly the very math of creation here. I cannot do that alone, and yet I must do that alone, as all as one, as equal, too.

The very labor of me, must stand as this, unerringly, which is going to take practice and standing up from mistakes as I learn to realize what I accepted and allowed, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Here, that labor of me, standing firm, staying the practical course, learning all details, processing the math of separation and the practical reality here,  as I as this, can create a movement that is sustainable, directing the labor of me into digits as the system exists, in a solid and supportive movement as no one can take that away. I am not beholden to secondary forms of support, what I am and who I am, and what I move as, stands stable, in every action, to support all as one as equal, here. It is a beautiful design! It is a design that builds real community. It is the opportunity for all to walk, on the ground, self empowerment, to be the change needed to bring heaven on earth, here. It is where the doers become the so called ‘ angel investors”, fulfilling themselves as life and spreading the living word here. 

My parents used to give me, for Christmas every year,  the figure of the hermit, the Santa Claus figure. They compared me to a person always caring a lantern, trying to bring light to things, trying to save the world. I remember being both proud of this and uncertain that it was not being used as some kind of insult. It both bothered me and excited me. Yet, this excitement that tends to cause me to rush, within this caring and throwing myself into something, is my own awe gone awry! It is myself, jumping into doing without processing what I am being within, and what is without, and the ubiquitous dogma as those ideas come to be accepted as a truth that I can blame no one for but myself, for accepting and allowing, as I did not really buckle down and investigate the details, and, as it was not modeled to learn to ‘ watch the grass grow’ meaning to really place my presence in discovering the smallest of movements that lead to a well directed self directive movement in this reality. I was too busy carrying that ‘ light’- so to speak. 

Yet, the impetus of a joy, an awe, simply tipped into ideas, as a mind consciousness,  means this can be balanced out through breathing and being present here, walking myself as my presence, with patience, back into, living here.  How awesome is that!  That is a real joy. I could weep for joy, and realize how much time I spent fighting and waring, and ignoring here, this reality. I have been doing this for so long, it is as though a part of me cannot believe I have potentially found what I had lost  and that it was always here.  It is like I left myself behind, chasing accepted mis-information. This creates a mixture of joy and shame, like how in the fuck could I have done this?  And, it was all ways, right there in front of me. I can only forgive myself, as begin to walk, in real time, discovering myself and real living, touching creation, a gift in-measurable in  the beauty of its design. I can enjoy, being here, it is who and what I am. 

Behaviors of separation are visible if we take the responsibility to look and do the math Day 719

Yesterday, I walk talking with a man when I noticed how a conversation can bounce, like  a ball moving back and forth in and as knowledge and information. Not all the ‘ knowledge’ is necessarily ‘ bad’ yet it being knowledge and information of and as itself, it is separated from using , or being focused in a real relationship to what exists in form as our system. Meaning, really looking and seeing what is said again and again, to follow the money. 

Money has become a current that is revelatory of what we place value on, and where we then direct our labor, our efforts, our creative force, in the mis-order that is survival based instead of creative based. This order of survival, that chooses to tout knowledge and information - this in itself a dogma of limited insight into the physical reality of what it means to be the potential of self as life. 

This process is one of separation instead of living the potential to assess and relate directly to what actually physically exists around us. How much do we reflect on the present system and what we are, meaning our basic needs? Can we ask ourselves before we go to watch some entertainment on the tele-vision why we are choosing this? Do we do this because we are bored? Do we do this because the current of money flow, which we accept and allow, limits access to materials to possibly follow through with an idea, or a desire to investigate how something works to improve something and eliminate economic stress in our lives, or just because we have a moment where a natural desire to understand something comes up, then when we think about the cost to possibly investigate, we draw back into limitations and instead choose what is cheap, as our entertainment system?

That system not revealing its true cost because it is subsidized via our taxes and insurances- taken control of by another? This would mean that that seemingly ‘ free’ entertainment is not free, because it is taking a natural desire to explore and filling that space, to placate. And the economic system,, which we hold in place, through the actions of our municipalities and service industry as the rank and file system demands no questioning of practices or else one loses that income that is not enough for one to investigate a moment of a desire to investigate and self discover that end ups leading one to the tele-vision and thus loss of potential of self as life. And so the web continues. This has an outcome of a life never lived.  This is a circulation, a flow of suppression. 

What I noticed in my conversation with this person that I started this blog with, was not only how the space appeared to funnel into a narrow focus, but also an absence of the ease that comes with not getting ‘ intense’ , like creating a projected vortex of ‘ vision’ in relation to the information being expressed that was not all ‘ bad.’  I stopped, I looked at myself, because I have been getting angry as of late, in sorting something out, and I allowed myself to let that go, a habit, one of frustration. I decided to accept where I was and what was happening, to process this as it could not define me unless I accepted it. I listened and used my own experiences to attend to the moment. I looked at the space like a piece of music, like a math, of different forms, and realized that it need not define who and what I am, that I am, just as when I performed with a group, processing measure, form, quality, duration, etc etc. It was in this moment that I sensed the focus of the person and at the same time listened to them. I also looked at myself, and that anger suddenly seemed useless. Ironically, later that day, I read a post by Osho, where he states that one need never apologize unless one has become mad. And then, another post where mad was defined as multiple addictions disorders. lol, it was much like this, those dis-orders of anger a projected ideological polarized chain of past events that I have allowed to define who and what I am, my own puppet strings that can suddenly appear before me, when I slow down enough to realize I am in deed projecting knowledge and information to substantiate a limited in-formed entity that is in itself lacking a respect of what is here. Another way to say this is that I have rejected my right to life. 

I realize within this, that I can develop a processing ability, that is a natural ability, in relation to information. And this being a project ( -ed set body) of information as knowledge and information. And then realize its form and measure, its math with or without cross reference and focus onto what actually exists having done and understanding that development into real investigate work is ongoing and within using follow how money flows as a reference point for a moment. It is to say, in so many ways, the current of money shows what is supported, and the banks of this river showing the debris by what is a consequence not shared in the paper castles of this present system. One must actually look at the details of one’s life and what suppresses a natural ability and desire to understand and investigate how things work. 

Making the choice to watch tele-vision, as it now stands, is making the choice to suppress potential and override this potential with a busy-ness of distraction to placate. This appearing to cost little monetarily yet at the expense of one’s real potential and by extension the potential of everything around one.

In having slowed down and walked this process of realizing my own projections, imaginations, reactions, suppression, thoughts, back chats, entities of self definition in a game of survival, I can begin, to see, realize and understand how when another person speaks with me, that they are expressing knowledge and information lacking a real connection to what is here, and a consequence of a lack of this kind of practice overall in human existence. It is like a math, it is like a piece of music, all the parts moving around, some in tune, as some stable and focused and clear, and others coming and going having no real substantial consideration of creation as this physical reality all around us- this that we can reference in every moment if we let go of being mad, as all those chains of ideas and beliefs and opinions that we believe define who and what we are, when that is the ghost in the machine that is a limitation and as an acceptance and allowance of suppression of a natural potential to investigate and understand what is here, even behind this curtain of mathematical manipulations employed by a system that flows money to a few, just as we flow our focus on a limited entity of belief to define us, to allow us to survive, a cheap and destructive and violent suppression of the right to life given as what we are the day we were born. 

I walk away from this event yesterday realizing that getting mad is a distraction, and that I have the capacity to begin to process both separation and the measure of the physical.  Also, that what is free or cheap is not free. Someone somewhere has not received a living wage.  That what is simple, as myself expressing the real potential of myself, is not financially supported, and most probably not as much, economically, as I may think. Right outside my door, is so much. And, there are things that are not costly, that can benefit me. 

Most of what costs is allowing a metered payment, a little bit at a time, over a long period of time, supporting the present system that touts support and yet suppresses potential, a mirror of what we are allowing within ourselves. We allowed this, this has accumulated into a system, this is the consequence of our state of being. The way out, is to see this, to understand this, to realize the need for change, to realize the means of change. That river of money can flow to support the infrastructure of physical reality. The innovations are here, and the ability to sense that desire to discover is here. The paper castle is an illusion, it can only have the power we allow it to have. It is up to us to get the rivers that are drying up, going again and it starts with us, each of us.

This means using one’s will to focus here. This means slowing down and seeing the movements of imagination within one’s self and seeing this as the past, as not who one really is. This means realizing that we absorb what we are exposed to, and that this need not define us, yet can influence us, if we do not take the time to process this, it accumulated and causes cognitive dissonance with seeing the music of here, as this consequence of separation from what is real. It really is not a rocket science, and as all things, it appears to be hard, as change tends to be and do when moving from a set body of measures that have become habituated, into something new. Yet, this is a process of cleaning up mis-takes on life, on living and instead accepting life. One will make mis-takes, as is natural, as what the process of self discovery is and does. Yet to be focused here, in the abundance of reality as the physical, removes the separation dis-orders and by extension the processing dis-orders. Within this, conversations that are a ball of information bouncing back and forth, existing within an alternate reality, meaning  lack of respect for what is here in equality and oneness, will no longer reign and instead our rivers will flow once again with pure water, that is the currency of life.. It is, after all, natural to hear the music of the physical.  Look how naturally we absorb the limited information on the television?