I had one of those situations where I realized I was not doing the math. I was not looking at the numbers, I was not looking at the equation. I simply followed something that had been said again and again, and accepted this as a truth. I was not really LOOKING. I was not cross referencing HERE, this reality and what mendacious formula was placed to and towards me. I was not seeing the gossip. I was not processing the words, and relating them to reality in common sense.
How much d I do this? probably more than I realize at the moment. For example, I never realized that a virus has never been found! Viruses are described by what other things are present, so what describes a virus is what the virus is not. Or, a virus supposedly must be present because other things are present. By law, one cannot say that something happened unless the thing is measured, and yet, within viruses, we accept decisions about a virus by what it is not. This is another one of those things that is a subtle manipulation, in that the laws say the thing justifying the means, must be measured, and yet, the dogma propagated is what something is not, thus what is used has never been proven as fact, and yet we are lead to believe, through statements as a word, as ‘ virus’ as really being something that exists, when it has not been proven to exist and yet, accept its existence and accept recommendations about it based on its non-defined existence. I can see where I could spin around in this, and probably already am. I am a product of this system, as this was the information around me, and I followed, meaning I did not investigate beyond the string of words presented. This is how an uninformed consent happens. This in tandem with a school system that imparts a general scaffold of information without real living opportunity to investigate and direct one’s presence into a real physical understanding through living experience. Here, I have to realize, in space, that somehow, I learned to crawl, I directed myself within that, thus I must have the capacity to move through the eye of the needle, meaning I must have the capacity to sense space, no matter how small. After all, I practice the smallest of movement of my hand to learn to vibrate on the violin, and I can see where my presence can sense that tiny change from the top of the back and forward movement of my hand with a relatively fast reading sense of the space! When it is said that one should be able to hear/here the grass growing- which I expect must be an awesome experience - it must be something we are able to do!
This would mean that one’s focus must be HERE.
I could also see where this would be so incredibly fulfilling, I can only imagine! The way out is not to imagine, but to focus here, in this creation in manifestation. It would be to get to now /here ( no-where, no wear, know-here) , as all of me. Yet, the separation into a bubble of imagination must be resolved, the math done, the presence here, accepting life, embracing myself and what is here, as I would not want to be left behind, and therefor, I would not want anyone to be left behind!
I must master what has been mastered into a mind consciousness, as imagination, that is using a limited math to live, instead of seeing directly the very math of creation here. I cannot do that alone, and yet I must do that alone, as all as one, as equal, too.
The very labor of me, must stand as this, unerringly, which is going to take practice and standing up from mistakes as I learn to realize what I accepted and allowed, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Here, that labor of me, standing firm, staying the practical course, learning all details, processing the math of separation and the practical reality here, as I as this, can create a movement that is sustainable, directing the labor of me into digits as the system exists, in a solid and supportive movement as no one can take that away. I am not beholden to secondary forms of support, what I am and who I am, and what I move as, stands stable, in every action, to support all as one as equal, here. It is a beautiful design! It is a design that builds real community. It is the opportunity for all to walk, on the ground, self empowerment, to be the change needed to bring heaven on earth, here. It is where the doers become the so called ‘ angel investors”, fulfilling themselves as life and spreading the living word here.
My parents used to give me, for Christmas every year, the figure of the hermit, the Santa Claus figure. They compared me to a person always caring a lantern, trying to bring light to things, trying to save the world. I remember being both proud of this and uncertain that it was not being used as some kind of insult. It both bothered me and excited me. Yet, this excitement that tends to cause me to rush, within this caring and throwing myself into something, is my own awe gone awry! It is myself, jumping into doing without processing what I am being within, and what is without, and the ubiquitous dogma as those ideas come to be accepted as a truth that I can blame no one for but myself, for accepting and allowing, as I did not really buckle down and investigate the details, and, as it was not modeled to learn to ‘ watch the grass grow’ meaning to really place my presence in discovering the smallest of movements that lead to a well directed self directive movement in this reality. I was too busy carrying that ‘ light’- so to speak.
Yet, the impetus of a joy, an awe, simply tipped into ideas, as a mind consciousness, means this can be balanced out through breathing and being present here, walking myself as my presence, with patience, back into, living here. How awesome is that! That is a real joy. I could weep for joy, and realize how much time I spent fighting and waring, and ignoring here, this reality. I have been doing this for so long, it is as though a part of me cannot believe I have potentially found what I had lost and that it was always here. It is like I left myself behind, chasing accepted mis-information. This creates a mixture of joy and shame, like how in the fuck could I have done this? And, it was all ways, right there in front of me. I can only forgive myself, as begin to walk, in real time, discovering myself and real living, touching creation, a gift in-measurable in the beauty of its design. I can enjoy, being here, it is who and what I am.