The Starting point is the ending point, morality and the holographic of memory Day 735

The starting point is the ending point, morality and Facing holographics of memory.

I notice that at times, processing what I have accepted and allowed as a math, as a measure as a form, memorized within and as who and what I have accepted myself to allow myself to be, as a projection of values, some call morality, ahead of myself through my head, a bubble shrouding a natural ability to sense here, this reality, moves like a molasses in processing this ghost in the machine of myself as a hued-man, is focus in separation from the gift of life, here, this earth. It can so easily move into knowledge and information. Yet this is where I am as I process m¥ own separation and breath myself back into being present in the physical. It is interesting, because a greater pattern recognition comes forward, and yet, I am still not present, because this has not been lived, for eons, thus I cannot assume I am done. In so many ways, it is a process that is never done, as it is learning to be self forgiving, in every moment, moving into recognition of myself as all that is around me as the physical. 

I have not reconciled facing the storm of separation, around me, as others,  and yet, a rejection of this reality is always a self hate. It is a rejecting of what is resisted, and since life is always here, that resistance will persist until what is rejected, through projection, as unresolved acceptance, is the very substance of life, giving itself as how life works, ever present and never ending. Life is eternal, that which is eternal.

I must realize that in standing up, what will happen, as our present system, will be the voice of separation. That voice is a morality in separation from practical common sense. I somehow want this to magically go away, yet this reveals a resistance within myself. I am not embracing what is here, thus I am that of which I speak, in a state of morality in separation from life. My starting point is still hued with fear, when I as life am capable of processing the math, the divide, of closing the gap, and creating a current of life moving between the banks of belief, opinion and idea. 

The separation is only an apparition, and no apparition can define who and what I am unless I accept and allow it. For example, if I point out hurt and damage, instead of solution, as there are no problems and only solutions, I am focused on the lack and not equal to it, as being equal to something is not only seeing he limitation, but also realizing the movement, as words, as sequences of steps, that lead to a balance. That balance creates an open window into the ineffable grace and gentleness of sounding what imparts a willingness to take the reigns of being a self willed equal with all things. Here, I even notice myself becoming knowledge and information. 

I cannot fear facing separation into a morality, As this morality is simply a form, a simulation of measure, of belief. It is one of those things that once it is understood in practice, or enough to be a consistent practice, a realization with hindsight, will be a state of ‘ Why did I not see this?” And then the shame, and the realization of the damage one allowed within allowing a morality of self interest without consideration of all things.

I am avoiding facing the storm, taking back my joy, as a sense that I am not allowed to be joyful. I am not allowed to play. I am supposed to work on the false technology of playing god so evident in what is a commerce of informed consent that offer products that by design suppress a natural sense of space and time, of and as who and what I am as life, here.

Yet, with practice, a little every day, what accumulates if a greater sense of walking mis-information and a mis-use of the imagination back into respecting this physical reality all around me. Those subtle and ineffable tiny movements, that appear to not have any significant difference, build, just as they do within a mis-use of who and what I am, the reverse is also the same. Thus, I am in a process of reversing a false positive, a limited morality that cannot materialize because it has not real sustainability in what supports and considers all things- and that is always here, as it is the real platform of life, the physical. It tells its story, sings it, as a math, as a song, all around me, I need only listen, and even this through a static that is really loud in some moments when I am calm and quiet. So, I walk back into being present, facing the storm, crying when I really want to express joy, because somehow I have turned joy into a suppression within myself, as though this is not allowed- even when right in front of me, a moment of not hating, of not resisting, of accepting separation as well as solution, is something I am capable of, and deserving of, because I am life. 

The simplicity of the smallest of movements, that how such tiny movements of self correction into self forgiveness, are the beads of joy that can create a river, if I can forgive the shame for not having realized such a thing. The practice, of self correcting, with the very smallest of things, as words, to focus myself outside of my accepted and allowed holographic-ed morality, to rebuild, realizing the living value of each measure as each word, can be tiny movements of joy, of re-scripting the very sound of and as me, that I can in what is seemingly of no significance, rebuild an equality to life, instead of an elephant in the room that can lead to a death of a life never really lived, such as hanging from a rope in an attic, leaving the most precious of things behind as a child of life, a breath of life, within and without. The false morality, filled with the pain of hate, suppressing a natural gentleness within, that morality consuming the presence of life in that person, there is no way this can continue, none.  It is realizing that a court uses verbs to create a fiction, an area of no go zone because it is a box of a false use of imagination, instead of focusing on the consequence of such forms. It is to take that which is good to show because pointing out the lack is another form of fear tactics which is wanting control more than building self willed equals. It is showing how ego can take a good and create a circus show, all eyes on the display of magic instead of following through and using what is discovered to suppress for the benefit of all things.  It is like a librarian holding onto a library, and wanting to control the information of separation, when that in itself must be forgiven, as the real library is the physical world all around us, the greatest technology, as it is the technology of life. it is to focus on what is good and does no harm, to have faith in this.  Such an act of pointing out the limitation would be the suppression of one’s joy within, that suppression causing a lot of pain. 

I suppress myself when I fear facing the false morality around me. The storm must be faced, and it needs be feared. 

The way out , as I see it in this moment, is to follow the joy within, to remind of the medicine taken in small tiny doses, as realizing the joy of self correction in grounding words back into a living word that recognizes the physical world with every movement, to script one’s self back into life, back into the real starting point as being a living presence, with full spatial skill, here. That would mean that life would increase in value, and awareness though out life. That would mean there would not be death, only the transformation into life, here.

Who am I? What do I process as information? Day 732

I had one of those situations where I realized I was not doing the math. I was not looking at the numbers, I was not looking at the equation. I simply followed something that had been said again and again, and accepted this as a truth.  I was not really LOOKING. I was not cross referencing HERE, this reality and what mendacious formula was placed to and towards me. I was not seeing the gossip. I was not processing the words, and relating them to reality in common sense. 

How much d I do this? probably more than I realize at the moment. For example, I never realized that a virus has never been found! Viruses are described by what other things are present, so what describes a virus is what the virus is not. Or, a virus supposedly must be present because other things are present.  By law, one cannot say that something happened unless the thing is measured, and yet, within viruses, we accept decisions about a virus by what it is not.  This is another one of those things that is a subtle manipulation, in that the laws say the thing justifying the means, must be measured, and yet, the dogma propagated is what something is not, thus what is used has never been proven as fact, and yet we are lead to believe, through statements as a word, as ‘ virus’ as really being something that exists, when it has not been proven to exist and yet, accept its existence and accept recommendations about it based on its  non-defined existence. I can see where I could spin around in this, and probably already am. I am a product of this system, as this was the information around me, and I followed, meaning I did not investigate beyond the string of words presented. This is how an uninformed consent happens. This in tandem with a school system that imparts a general scaffold of information without real living opportunity to investigate and direct one’s presence into a real physical understanding through living experience.  Here, I have to realize, in space, that somehow, I learned to crawl, I directed myself within that, thus I must have the capacity to move through the eye of the needle, meaning I must have the capacity to sense space, no matter how small. After all, I practice the smallest of movement of my hand to learn to vibrate on the violin, and I can see where my presence can sense that tiny change from the top of the back and forward movement of my hand with a relatively fast reading sense of the space! When it is said that one should be able to hear/here the grass growing- which I expect must be an awesome experience - it must be something we are able to do! 

This would mean that one’s focus must be HERE. 

I could also see where this would be so incredibly fulfilling, I can only imagine! The way out is not to imagine, but to focus here, in this creation in manifestation. It would be to get to now /here ( no-where, no wear, know-here) , as all of me. Yet, the separation into a bubble of imagination must be resolved, the math done, the presence here, accepting life, embracing myself and what is here,  as I would not want to be left behind, and therefor, I would not want anyone to be left behind! 

I must master what has been mastered into a mind consciousness, as imagination, that is using a limited math to live, instead of seeing directly the very math of creation here. I cannot do that alone, and yet I must do that alone, as all as one, as equal, too.

The very labor of me, must stand as this, unerringly, which is going to take practice and standing up from mistakes as I learn to realize what I accepted and allowed, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Here, that labor of me, standing firm, staying the practical course, learning all details, processing the math of separation and the practical reality here,  as I as this, can create a movement that is sustainable, directing the labor of me into digits as the system exists, in a solid and supportive movement as no one can take that away. I am not beholden to secondary forms of support, what I am and who I am, and what I move as, stands stable, in every action, to support all as one as equal, here. It is a beautiful design! It is a design that builds real community. It is the opportunity for all to walk, on the ground, self empowerment, to be the change needed to bring heaven on earth, here. It is where the doers become the so called ‘ angel investors”, fulfilling themselves as life and spreading the living word here. 

My parents used to give me, for Christmas every year,  the figure of the hermit, the Santa Claus figure. They compared me to a person always caring a lantern, trying to bring light to things, trying to save the world. I remember being both proud of this and uncertain that it was not being used as some kind of insult. It both bothered me and excited me. Yet, this excitement that tends to cause me to rush, within this caring and throwing myself into something, is my own awe gone awry! It is myself, jumping into doing without processing what I am being within, and what is without, and the ubiquitous dogma as those ideas come to be accepted as a truth that I can blame no one for but myself, for accepting and allowing, as I did not really buckle down and investigate the details, and, as it was not modeled to learn to ‘ watch the grass grow’ meaning to really place my presence in discovering the smallest of movements that lead to a well directed self directive movement in this reality. I was too busy carrying that ‘ light’- so to speak. 

Yet, the impetus of a joy, an awe, simply tipped into ideas, as a mind consciousness,  means this can be balanced out through breathing and being present here, walking myself as my presence, with patience, back into, living here.  How awesome is that!  That is a real joy. I could weep for joy, and realize how much time I spent fighting and waring, and ignoring here, this reality. I have been doing this for so long, it is as though a part of me cannot believe I have potentially found what I had lost  and that it was always here.  It is like I left myself behind, chasing accepted mis-information. This creates a mixture of joy and shame, like how in the fuck could I have done this?  And, it was all ways, right there in front of me. I can only forgive myself, as begin to walk, in real time, discovering myself and real living, touching creation, a gift in-measurable in  the beauty of its design. I can enjoy, being here, it is who and what I am.