a widows journey to life: man and woman

Androgyny (Photo credit: imqossible by d u .r. M a c i e l)

Day 155
I looked at a picture of my twin sister and I at about 18 years of age. Now, within my family there are mixed genes. There is some Mayan descendants. The Mayans tended to be stouter than the northern Europeans. Within this photo, it is easy to see this within my family, as my sister is tall, of slimmer frame and higher cheek bones. I in comparison, am stouter, with a bigger head in proportion to my body. The norm is the slimmer, taller, higher cheek bones “look” within present values propagated by our society.
As I have lived my life, if realize there really is not “one type” of beauty, and if one looks at people, there within their whole form is always a certain grace. Not one is more than another, unless one idea, belief, and thus, image is held as a “more than” in comparison, then judgements sets in, and what is here is not seen, as all that is happening is the search for one image. This is idolizing one idea, and ignoring actually seeing what is here.
One time, I stood next to a woman I knew, in front of a mirror. I had spent some time with her and never physically seen her standing next to me. I was shocked when I actually saw her standing next to me.
I had always admired how she looked and thought her very attractive. She wore high heels and polished herself. I in comparison tended to not decorate myself; I kept myself “clean”and neat, but did not take excessive steps within my appearance. I thought she was more graceful than myself. lol
When I stood next to here, and saw her next to me I was shocked. I was actually of slighter frame than she, and looked more feminine, smaller. I was like a squirrel and she was like a beaver - so to speak. One is not more than another, both are amazing.
So, here i was thinking she was more “something “ than me, when it was not so. This moment also revealed why this woman was always a bit stand offish with me, as though she did not really want to be around me. She was doing what I was doing. She was avoiding me because she realized I made her look “stouter” in comparison, and all the while I saw her as doing this to me!
And yet, I saw her as being graceful and feminine, so the illusion was ridiculous, because in her totality she was feminine, and attractive, so it did not matter, it was only this idolization of one type of form and then taking this “template” and holding it up against everything visually, to match an idea of a form, instead of seeing the total form of what is here, that actually has all qualities, qualities that are diminished through comparison to ONE idea ONLY.
Here we were, two women avoiding each other based on appearance, when we actually enjoyed talking to one another, as our own judgements were looming huge on the horizon ofaccepted and allowed judgments based on limited means that ignored what we actually saw in one another, as our accepted and allowed “templates” of belief ignored what was real.
It is like we all have a mind that is an imposed “template” and we are not here enjoying what is real and fecund with all the qualities of life.
And this “template” is created, and we are the creators of this, systems that determine life on earth. Our system of valuing beliefs, ideas and opinions, of more than and less than, have created a system that limits life and justifies this in the face of logic; that we are all life, and thus we are all the qualities that exist, Our system is not developing what each of us is as life. Our system is determining who lives and who dies based on a template of one form fits all, and this ignores what is here.
How can we believe that someone can own what is here to the point where we blame another for their own starvation? Especially when we take the resources from them, what is right under their feet? If a small percentage of people own everything and have all the money, then this small percentage are the ones building the guns, are the ones thus, creating the conflictas they also are the ones giving to charities, and they are the ones determining how taxes are spent. The whole drama of conflict and abuse is determined by the self interest of the few, and the rest of us are hiding in fear of losing our jobs within the hierarchies, where it is us in the hierarchies that have the collective power to stop this, and this can be done by simply standing up and voting in a system of equality. it is very simple, and once done it will not take too long to reorganize this world into a world where we realize we are all the full spectrum of the qualities of life. The alternative is growing abuse and discord. The only choice is to remove this “template” of belief, and stand within equality and oneness, so that life can begin.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to walk with a template of limited belief, judging instead of enjoying what is actually physically here, fecund with expression as life, where it is only a set of limited values that block an existent capacity to see the life that is here before my very eyes.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another as more than and less than in terms of being more or less feminine than myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be a walking judgement of my appearance, where I have actually seen how illusory this is in fact, and how this kind of judgment can block a natural acceptance and inclination to enjoyment of what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within my family, the values of the present society brought more pride in the characteristics in line with the accepted norm towards my twin sister than myself, which as a child was hard to accept as I measured myself according to these values, instead of realizing myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become what disturbed me, even in the face of realizing that feminine and masculine were not limited to one form ONLY in and as expression.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was not rejected as myself as life, by other woman, it was the game of comparison, and fear of survival that caused determinations of what was acceptable and not acceptable, even when actual visual comparisons were not present and the person was seen in their totality to actually have all the qualities of a woman, thus judgement within comparison is an illusion.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that each and every person, is like a universe of all life, and that my template of judgement, as mind , as consciousness ( this system of learned limited values shutting down common sense) based on one form only is what limits my enjoyment of the totality of life in another person, plants and animals.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a person that is not allowed development is not allowed to be the life that they are, and that this is the consequence of a system that is a template of limited insight ignoring the expression of life here, withholding what is needed to allow life to exist, not caring for what is one and equal as all, life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a judgment of more than and less than within and as appearance, denying myself an intrinsic ability as life to see a universe of qualities within another as what they are as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to walk as a template of limited insight, and thus limiting my own enjoyment of life, this gift given and within this to reciprocate through forgiveness of myself as life, with every step and every breath I take.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize a template of values has been created and accepted and allowed by the human through a hierarchy of more than and less than, a system of limited values, that ignore the total life in all forms existent on earth, making the human the cause of all abuse and suffering on earth, as each individual creates the responsibility as the collective and thus is able to stand and change the world through changing what has been developed in the same way it was developed, by standing as a collective that support life, able to be realized immediately through supporting an equal money system, by taking what is organizing the distribution of resource and using it to give what is essential to a life of dignity, the basics of food, shelter, clean water to support all life.

I commit myself to becoming the life that I am, practically living my responsibility as life by supporting an Equal Money System until it is done, as I am the collective and the individual, I am the part and the whole, where the part cannot exist in full expression until the whole is stable and equal within and as what it is in fact, life.

The creation of the mind.

Life Review series, to realize separation and the consequences thereof.

The practical solution Equal Money

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

A playlist of documentaries

Pinterest list of articles and videos on out current environment

Join Equal Money on Twitter, support the word of equality

Intime221L:R#030 (Photo credit: Torn Intime)

English: Intimacy 2.0 fashion by Studio Roosegaarde (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 142

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to associate being a woman, with images I encountered as a child, in a big red picture book, of black and white photos of a man and a woman exhibiting sexual positions, where my initial exposure to sex, was that it was something done between a man and a woman being physical together, where this book was more educational than pornographic.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that from this book I developed an idea, from these pictures, that being physical involved a woman and a man.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being naked happened in the presence of a man, and that being self intimate physically involved the union of a man and a woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated from myself physically through the idea that physical intimacy involved a man and a woman.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this book, this big red book, was about sex between a man and a woman, and not about being self intimate with one’s physical self.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self intimacy with one’s physical, involves becoming aware of self in totality, becoming intimate with how the mind works, how emotions and feelings and thoughts are self in separation from self as idea, belief and opinion, where images discovered as a child, in a world that did little to develop self awareness as self equal and one to one’s physical body are indirect representations and not self actually, specifically becoming aware of one’s physical body, thus must this be walked and learned, self intimacy with self, equal and one to one’s physical body, as though self as the physical is an instrument of life, and thus needs no images to stimulate self expression as life, enslaved to ideas as a relationship signifying life, such as mind images as a stimulant, where self has not even learned to express as self as life as the physical, thus has self as life never been expressed, where it is like the human has not learned of itself, and only follows superficial, unsatisfactory behavioral indoctrinated images of past generation as memory, so evident as what exists presently on this earth, as porn, child sexual abuse, animal abuse, isolation, impotency, aging, ill health etc. etc. etc.

When and as I find myself wanting to have sex, I realize this is a program, as idea, based on my past, and is not who I am, as I have never become intimate with and as what i am as this human physical body and that this intimacy does not necessitate the addition of a male, where how can one be intimate with another until one is intimate with self?

I commit myself to breathing, remaining here, developing self intimacy in equality and oneness to myself as life in and as this physical body.

I commit myself to breathing, here, and becoming aware of myself , one and equal to my human physical body, realizing that any images and pictures, ideas or beliefs as to what I am, as images from my past based on ideals, taught by a society lacking self intimacy, are a separation from myself becoming aware of myself as life, one and equal to the physical, that which is real.

I commit myself to realizing that becoming intimate with myself as life, must be done, this that was not developed within a system of inequality and thus enslavement of the physical to serve self interest of a few, as an understanding of self as life, one and equal, would realize equality.

I commit myself to breathing, self forgiving all thoughts, emotions and feelings, as these are the ideas, beliefs, and opinions collected from the past, within a society of inequality, that presents secondary heresy imagery and not direct physical awareness development of self as life, respecting the physical as what is real, as an instrument of life with which to express life, as this is the value.

I commit myself to breathing here, to self forgive this secondary information, and to walk as self within what i am as life, this being the primary information as what is real, as what is the value, equal and one to the principle of oneness and equality, to give as one would like to receive, to be able to walk in anyone’s shoes here on this earth, to orchestrate heaven on earth, beginning with self becoming self intimate, the primary source, the gift given, the value, my self as life.

Shocking Secrets of Masturbation

What is Sex

The Soul of Money

Life Review