a widows journey to life: Day 142 Primary and secondary associations, self intimacy with the physical

Intime221L:R#030 (Photo credit: Torn Intime)

English: Intimacy 2.0 fashion by Studio Roosegaarde (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 142

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to associate being a woman, with images I encountered as a child, in a big red picture book, of black and white photos of a man and a woman exhibiting sexual positions, where my initial exposure to sex, was that it was something done between a man and a woman being physical together, where this book was more educational than pornographic.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that from this book I developed an idea, from these pictures, that being physical involved a woman and a man.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being naked happened in the presence of a man, and that being self intimate physically involved the union of a man and a woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated from myself physically through the idea that physical intimacy involved a man and a woman.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this book, this big red book, was about sex between a man and a woman, and not about being self intimate with one’s physical self.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self intimacy with one’s physical, involves becoming aware of self in totality, becoming intimate with how the mind works, how emotions and feelings and thoughts are self in separation from self as idea, belief and opinion, where images discovered as a child, in a world that did little to develop self awareness as self equal and one to one’s physical body are indirect representations and not self actually, specifically becoming aware of one’s physical body, thus must this be walked and learned, self intimacy with self, equal and one to one’s physical body, as though self as the physical is an instrument of life, and thus needs no images to stimulate self expression as life, enslaved to ideas as a relationship signifying life, such as mind images as a stimulant, where self has not even learned to express as self as life as the physical, thus has self as life never been expressed, where it is like the human has not learned of itself, and only follows superficial, unsatisfactory behavioral indoctrinated images of past generation as memory, so evident as what exists presently on this earth, as porn, child sexual abuse, animal abuse, isolation, impotency, aging, ill health etc. etc. etc.

When and as I find myself wanting to have sex, I realize this is a program, as idea, based on my past, and is not who I am, as I have never become intimate with and as what i am as this human physical body and that this intimacy does not necessitate the addition of a male, where how can one be intimate with another until one is intimate with self?

I commit myself to breathing, remaining here, developing self intimacy in equality and oneness to myself as life in and as this physical body.

I commit myself to breathing, here, and becoming aware of myself , one and equal to my human physical body, realizing that any images and pictures, ideas or beliefs as to what I am, as images from my past based on ideals, taught by a society lacking self intimacy, are a separation from myself becoming aware of myself as life, one and equal to the physical, that which is real.

I commit myself to realizing that becoming intimate with myself as life, must be done, this that was not developed within a system of inequality and thus enslavement of the physical to serve self interest of a few, as an understanding of self as life, one and equal, would realize equality.

I commit myself to breathing, self forgiving all thoughts, emotions and feelings, as these are the ideas, beliefs, and opinions collected from the past, within a society of inequality, that presents secondary heresy imagery and not direct physical awareness development of self as life, respecting the physical as what is real, as an instrument of life with which to express life, as this is the value.

I commit myself to breathing here, to self forgive this secondary information, and to walk as self within what i am as life, this being the primary information as what is real, as what is the value, equal and one to the principle of oneness and equality, to give as one would like to receive, to be able to walk in anyone’s shoes here on this earth, to orchestrate heaven on earth, beginning with self becoming self intimate, the primary source, the gift given, the value, my self as life.

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