The unknown and facing others
What is it that unnerves me within facing others? facing other human beings? I tense up and constrict within. Within performing on stage I had the instrument and the notes as a structure to stabilize myself within. Thus what is that which I allow as separation into limitation that destabilizes me when facing others and how can I stabilize myself within facing others? Self forgiveness of the limitation only, and self correction within and as what is here, as the physical, as practical solutions within the principle of what is best for all, absolutely directive within and as this. Putting an end to the un before the known, the know being the physical reality, here, the gift of life, that which man cannot live without, as the breath of men is what allows life, here.
As a woman catering to the emotional needs of another is catering to emotional/feeling bodies as past experiences that are based on limited values, as memories as reactions in separation from common sense here, as this a developed character that is personified as a constant survival mode visible in the words expressed and a body language of tension and constriction. This personification is a constant self validation of what maintains a place in a system/hierarchy/grid of inequality, where the degree of awareness of this actual physical world in function varies and the personification adheres to the level of manipulation learned triggered not by actual reality, but by the values projected and/or rejected within that projection as protection and defense of self in fear of criticism and through criticism, or/and through a change in topic. The change in topic is self interest driven towards self validation. Sometimes something is repeated, like a program not having any other vocabulary to use, and sometimes irritation comes up like a threat where a truth is stated and then a value is placed onto as opposing directive, much like turning a victim into a perpetrator. I suppose there is another word for this: a process of agreeing with a fact and then creating a relationship that is valid yet tying this to another relative value. I recently had a situation where the value went to the market value and not what was best for the environment. The person with whom I spoke could see nothing but the market value. They became a broken record as though this was the only choice. Regardless it was interesting to see what I have been studying within the desteni I process play out in reality to such a degree. Really caused some agitation. It is this agitation that causes this woman role within me to want to be reactive, I fear being the cause of upset. The problem is that looking at reality is going to upset limitation, is going to require a deconstruction in order for the present order to realize that the value is life. This upset appears disconcerting, but it is actually the opposite, as realigning to the physical is realigning to what is structurally real, and what is the real support and what is the way to life. The stability on the other side of that limited energetic possession of ideas and beliefs and opinions in separation from reality, is walking through the state of fear - forgiving oneself to and as it, and then correcting in alignment with common sense - of uncertainty of existing in a paranormal character unstable because physical reality, what is real, is denied and thus unknown. What is real, and what is known, is a state that is fluid as this is being in common sense of physical reality, equality and oneness with physical reality. I mean, just look, the existent power structures are not taking care of this earth, thus the personification of our leaders is not supportive, the facade of doing good is just this, it is a facade, what is playing out physically is another story, one that must end. For this there is a solution, BIG, a basic income grant, where freely given resources are used to support men equally, this means nationalizing what supports life, to end the behavioral issues caused by lack on earth, and to allow each point, as each man, woman and child to become self responsible as life. To believe that this is impossible is a program easy to realize in the inherent belief that the masses need knowledge and information withheld, which admits that the masses can realize and understand. It is only the voice of self validation in self interest that would tout the idea that the masses/herd need to be suppressed, a slight of hand manipulation that in itself is an imagination of fear.. This is weakness admitting the strength of the collective standing together. Time to stop the forked tongue of opposition that we as a system allow, the common good vs. profit, as this is the war we have accepted and allowed. Here, as this form, we create inequality and thus, deny life, and we see this all over this earth. We do not need another abusive war that is an act of self interest and denial of life. War is a spiteful act of fear, non-directive within common sense that there is enough on this earth to support life. Becoming life on earth is becoming heaven on earth. All is here, all is given, it is only a separation as self interest that separates us from this.
Back to myself here, within my point of reaction to self interested manipulation. I cannot be inferior to such behaviors, nor can I allow superiority/righteousness . The only thing i can do is use common sense and look at what physically structurally exists, as limitations , and direct within this as best I can, which will take practice. To begin it is to forgive the thoughts/thought that I may be “ hurting someone’s feelings”, “ not being considerate of another’s values and emotions”, or “potentially creating an enemy”, or “ will not be liked” or “ could possible lose something”, or “ will be rejected and no longer have friends”; obviously there are probably more thoughts , as paranoise, that may come up, these will also have to be forgiven as this process unfolds. In the end, I cannot get to the known unless I remove the fear, as my own un-directive/unstructured con-sciousness/mind, undoing of myself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that another may no longer “ like” me if I do not cater to their characters and personifications.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become paranoid when talking with another human being and thus lose all common sense of what is real, and thus lose all common sense of respect for life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is my responsibility as a woman to support the survival mode of another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that in not supporting a survival mode of another I will be “ hurting their feelings.”
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in NOT attending to another’s feelings and emotions, I am actually being supportive and respectful of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to call out about the emotions and feelings of another as realizing the fear that is the separation and practicing a common sense of bringing this fear back down to earth in common sense within the principle of what is best for all as the physical reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought, as ego, as I notice this within, that because I may begin to understand this somewhat, that I instantly know how to do this, which is a red flag that i must breath and slow down and stabilize within and as myself before I speak, as I have accepted and allowed a protection and defense as righteousness for a long time and this is going to take time to align within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that another trying to “ push their emotions onto me” is rude, as I was taught this from my father, which in some ways makes sense but is not acceptable as a reaction, as this is not an action that is what prevents such events to cure such behavior that only is myself becoming superior and thus within a state of blame instead of alignment in thought, word and deed within the principle of what is best for all, which is equality and oneness with and as the physical world here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that in not - as the role of a woman - properly.systemically becoming a character of “ considering the emotions and feelings of another” - to judge myself as somehow doing something “ wrong” - and in this moment instead to breath through this limited belief, slow myself down and look in common sense of here and become directive within this focus. as in many ways this is me without as I am equal and one as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that in no longer answering to the emotions and feelings of another I will “become an enemy” and thus “no longer have friends”, and then, as well to have the thought that “ there is something to lose.“
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that these thoughts are based on an idea in separation from life which I have allowed to become the character of myself as this is acting for learned behaviors that support the divisions within a system that is in itself divided from a common sense of the physical earth, this which is real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to what i have accepted and allowed in separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become blame as a reaction of anger towards such behavior within and without.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into blame and thus protection and defense mode for an ego, instead of letting this go and remaining here, in common sense of what is absolutely directive within the principle of what is best for all, here.
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