I was at a meeting last night, and I find that I react to administrators. I can bring myself back, but the reaction happened. What I find, is that the meeting with the administration has conversations where the speakers continually qualify with statements such as “ let’s be positive here, let;s find something positive” and then the conversation changes about all the “ wonderful “ things being done, which ends up taking half an hour, this period of qualification, and the time is gone.
Smoke and mirrors eating up time; a distraction, to not take the time to look at the whole and investigate consequence in total. In all it is not that the structure is bad, it is that it addresses consequence without going back to the starting point.
Then, the meeting has to come to an end because the room is only available for so long, and the janitor has to go home.
Anyway, after the administrators left, the parents came together and talked, and then there were individual conversations. Despite all the talk, when the administrators where there, that painted a picture of care and effort, the individual response of the parents was that the schools cannot do anything, they cannot take care of these children.
But at this point, the parents are enjoying the community, and talking away filled with hope, but it is a false hope, they simply found a place to vent, and that one movement of venting appears to appease, when nothing has really happened.
I, as I initially reacted, in a moment in the beginning, had to breath and slow down, and realize the physical moves in a certain way. One has to walk the steps as these steps take time. Steps taken in consideration of what has been accepted and allowed, and the movement of common sense and solution, and how a human is formed, must be stood as, unwavering.
One woman came up to me, and generally people were very friendly, realizing the desperation of their situation. At the end, while the general meeting was going on, there was a statement made, of “ we need to look outside the box.” All this means is that the windows are there, the understanding that solutions must be outside the existential box. Solution is always right in front of us, it is only belief that shuts insight out. But, just as the administration clogs with details, this ability at detail, can also be used to walk outside the existential box of limitation, by using common sense and walking the details.
So, I am going to write self forgiveness on my reaction to administrators, my aggravation that i have to sit in the molasses of justification composed of details that are not good or bad, simply of a limited construct that misses overall the point of itself, and that is to build a child to enable that child to function in this world in ways that are aware within and without instead of consumed with a chaos of details that lend no awareness, in balance, of the inner structure of understanding being equal and practical in common sense of physical reality. Each part of a fabric, the fabric that is this earth, must become aware of itself as this fabric, because this is what creates a strength at each point of the fabric of earth, that is strong, insightful, steadfast, considerate, stable, in balance and directive, and as such able to move in ways that do no harm. It is the solution, and it is the way out of the chaos of pollution, poverty, economic stress, and inner turmoil.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that an administrator is a conman.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that administrators are idiots
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lose my patience with administrators, who are people.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow my past, that had no patience, that became within statements such as “ idiot” and “ conman” to be the expression of myself as a thought, and as such to not realize that I was judging without looking at consequence and taking the time and steps to balance the detail of what is here out in ways that gave direction in understanding into and as solutions.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react as a belief that I had no power to stand in common sense, simply looking at reality and the ability of men to pay attention to detail, and to realize the construct of details attended to, and to bring this back down to earth, in common sense , to direct, in detail, what walks into solution, with a stability that faces all objections within the principle of what is best for all is best for self.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another, based on limited criteria.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand when and as I find myself becoming a judgement, where I limit my perception based on ideas that build barriers and borders instead of remaining here, equal and one in common sense of physical reality, as it is here that I am as a physical being, and as such, it is only here as this that I can direct myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my judgements are based on a morality taught, a detail in relation to the cultural bubble as the place i was born, in a hegemonic system trying to control the same behavior that i have accepted and allowed that becomes blame and spite in self interest, living the days of my life in believing that a moment of venting my own accepted and allowed beliefs is a gain, when it is more of the same, as it is myself not looking to the whole and realizing that the only way out of a chaotic system of such limited inner construction that lacks connection and community with all detail of how physical existence functions, that I have separated myself from common sense, and my reactions are myself trying to force what i believe within, onto the without, which cannot work, as my existence is dependent on the physical, which, is to realize that even if one believed in a life after death, it does not matter, because at this moment I am here, a physical being here, and there is no reason not to create a world where the physical fabric of existence is of a working order that maintains and cares for this means of expression in ways that do no harm and allow full potential in all physical reality, period.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in the moment where I become heavy within physically, I am moving as a slow heavy emotion, of spite and blame as i am blaming, as in pointing out lack, and then calling it a name, instead of looking at it in it’s detail, and then instantly becoming a directive towards that detail in what would become a solution, to understand the conscious presentation of what is being looked at, used, and to take this part and place it within the whole, to balance this out in common sense, in ways that build a social fabric that is strong as each point, as each man, woman and child, being equal in measure within with the without as the physical world, as this is the way and the means of creating a social fabric that creates and supports and cares for a physical world in ways that are considerate of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an emotion of believing myself to be unworthy, as in unable to address the storm of limitation and separation as mind, composed of the conscious expression of singular detail, the subconscious the accumulation of beliefs and opinions and ideas based on family tradition - this based on generative pasts in culture, religious belief, gender divisions, class ideas, environmental developments - all of which have also created a unconscious mind that is the total limitations as divisions and limited acceptance as conquests of definitions used to define and label and direct in separation from practical reality as the physical - accepted and allowed by men who are lost in a fantasy world of idea that has become greater than that on which it cannot live without, which is the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sink within as a physical sensation, where I go into judgement, as a resistance to facing here, in common sense, as I have not practiced this, as I have allowed limited self definitions and also, hide in embarrassment because on some level I am aware of what it is that I do, because I accepted and allowed limited values to define me, instead of standing in common sense of physical reality, with and as every breath of life that is the gift to allow me to express life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that my past, one of separation, defines me here, as this past is a construct of a mind consciousness system, that has manifested without, that is of the limitations of the mind, as a belief system that is not equal and one with physical existence as the means of life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed within and as addressing limitations and stagnation without, in and as believing this is tedious, when, and I use this at the moment, it is the same and one with, for example, cleaning up a messy room, to simply start taking the pieces that are out of order and organizing them into a form that allows movement with ease, and of which, can change and improve in function as one walked the ordering of one’s immediate existence realizing that each and every part is equal and one with and as me, as an expression of life, here.
When and as I find myself reacting to anything another says, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I listen, and I check to see if I am clear, and I address what has been said as the words spoken, into and as what would balance out and direct in ways that do no harm.
When and as I find myself reacting, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that the impetus of my reaction is based on my own memorized past, itself composed of ideas based on my own self interest that was built without practical consideration of physical reality, this which allows the expression of myself here as life, and I forgive this past as not in consideration of practical reality, and I walk myself back into a detail that includes the physical and how the human becomes what has been impulsed within, and I see realize and understand that this bears no witness to practical reality, and as such, the thoughts words and deeds of myself as my past, are not good and or bad, per-say, but a heresy of the past, of values in relation to survival based on an idea that I can be lost and die, when what I am as who I am is life, here, and as such there is no place to fall, but into life, the moment of expression being in awareness and equality with the physical as the manifestation of life in expression, here.
When and as I find myself within and as a sinking in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I forgive the idea of an expectation hoped for, as being this, an idea/expectation as a desire imagined in a moment based on limited details, and I bring this back to self, and see realize and understand this construction as an emotional value and not myself equal and one here and that I am allowing and accepting to define me in separation from equality and oneness, here.
When and as I find myself inferior to here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I listen to the details of what is presented , and I bring this back in common sense of practical reality as what does no harm within and as understanding how the physical is a mechanistic system that is visible in form and function, and as such can be understood and directed.
When and as I find myself in fear, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I listen to the details as the idea presented and I cross reference as much as I am able, to bring the spoken detail presented into and as what aligns with the physical world in practical common sense.
When and as I find myself thinking, having the thought, as “ idiot’ of “ conman” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that a con is not possible in a physical world as the manifestation of life, as this life is visible in form and function and as such can be walked into alignment of common sense of physical reality.
When and as I find myself believing that what has been accepted and allowed as limitations within and as men, manifest into a system, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that the consequence of this must be walked, and that the tools of self forgiveness, writing and self correction in and with cross reference with and as the physical within the principle of what is best for all, and the ability of myself as a physical being using common sense of life as the very innate nature of myself is here, and as this, with every breath, I can stop and breath, and look here, to find solutions that direct in ways that do no harm.