I realize that in talking with others, where i have to change the measure of their words that I become full of friction. I fear standing up against their belief constructions. Even though I begin to do this, I still find myself being anxious about it, trying to manipulate what they are saying to keep it polite and thereby missing revealing my own personal experiences in ways that show my own process. It is like I am used to talking in competition, where i say what I did and how it worked. I don’t reveal my own misgivings in my own process, my own limitations of belief that I had to get past.
For example, in the situation above, I could say that my child was having a problem with understanding something, one time, and I had to get out of my own head, my own worries, my own interests and occupations, and also move through an idea that maybe I would not be able to help my son with his school work which I did not want my son to know. So, I was afraid and annoyed and yet I did it. What I found was in stopping within my own self interests, I distanced myself from my own worries and sometimes found solutions, and the school work I had to help with was not so scary, and sometimes I even encountered a perspective from my children that revealed insights I would not have discovered. So, in the end it was cool.
In so many ways, our limitations as our beliefs, opinions and ideas, are a shadow world, composed of feelings and emotions; they are not real. My fear, was a shadow based on an idea of loss, one that had no common sense directive. So, in a sense, my fear of facing measures of limitation as the words of others, is a fear of dispersing a shadow. Shadows can appear to be tumultuous storm clouds but in a special effect only, what is behind them is a practical world, the measure of which is right there in front of us, we need only look to see, realize and understand that what we think is ominous is of our own ma-king.
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