Day 648 It is time to come home.

If I can only focus on one thing at a time, then the small is here right in front of me for me to use to direct myself in ways that do no harm. I have to feel here, the space around me, just as a young baby does, sensing the space as that arm begins to move from it’s side to an object hanging above.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone and I started to argue the limitations, instead of taking the small, as the words of and as the physical objects used to tag values onto , creating a story. By this I mean I reacted to the ideas and argued about the ideas, instead of looking at the objects used to back the ideas, and grounding these little things into a practice of living in common sense of the physical.

Within this, in the next moment, as I had slowed down, in response to the previous moment, and breathed, calming myself until I breathed with ease, I let the previous moment go and focused on what was in front of me in practical terms, telling myself that the previous moment was no longer here, and that I could assess and self correct.  In some ways , at the moment, I begin to realize that conceptually, I move in a very sluggish way, and it is here that I lose what may be an ease that has a quality of being fluid, able to assess and address in ways that allow a constant that is stable, and it is remaining within the small, that I can critique and create, as this is how one stands equal and one to creation, as this is how one can move through the eye of the needle. If I rush, as idea, as wanting to impose a picture of belief onto reality around me, I get bigger as my idea, I rush forward with this, and it does not fit, and it causes more conflict , even if some parts are correct, and I get so busy ‘ creating as mind consciousness ‘ only that I lose a sense of physical reality, and the communication with it, that I can no longer fit through the eye of the needle - so to speak.

I can only move with the small, taking the small physical means of life information, and grounding them here, within the practice of how we really live on a physical world that is life information. The physical is really ‘ the higher mind’ as it is what manifests, what forms into living. What uses the physical to build self definitions is what imposes an energy spin onto the physical, sucking from it, destroying it back into nothingness, because what does not support the physical is not small enough to create with- so to speak. Our money system is the model of this inner self interested action without, as it supports the self interest of a few, allowing control from an e-go of separation into ideas, beliefs and opinions that have lost all sense of the small as the means of creation, thus those who are caught in this,  reveal to us what we are allowing ourselves because we participate in this. Here, as mind consciousness only as ideas, beliefs and opinions, as ego,  we are not equal to life, to the small, to the means of physical creation that is life information. And our physical bodies show the degree of separation we have accepted in a loss of our spatial sense that is so alive at birth. Just watch a baby, they are building in into this awareness. This begs the question, “ Is all that information constantly touted through media developing this spatial awareness being built, as a natural act, or is it informing in ways that build a separation from what is real and right in front of us? Who profits from this? No one.

I mean, how does a dancer become a dancer? They ‘ program’ themselves to move their bodies and this information through physical actions that then becomes what directs their flesh with ease and of which can become automated if we do not understand how this works, and as that automation only, over time, lose ourselves to our own creation, leading to a breaking down of our creation as our programmed directives. And/or as we self aggrandize our own self development, becoming that self interested self aggrandizing spinning around as idea, belief and opinion in our picture show minds- or a ‘ good’ programming - instead of enjoying how we can create ourselves, and how this works, and is the means to express ourselves as life.

I may, bring myself back into the physical, forgive what has accumulated, ground it back into the practice of living, taking the small as I can only be in one moment at a time, and directing myself within this understanding to build self trust as what and who I am as life as a physical state of being. The physical can be what helps me to see where I am not equal to creation, and also, be the means of creating, this is the gift of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the rush of the mind as idea, belief and opinion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, believe that something, that sum thing as an accumulation as ideas, beliefs and opinions as value judgements can be lost- when in essence that ideological mental picture show is just this, a televised picture show and not myself as life equal to the means of life as the physical, as not myself being focused in equality and oneness with the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use the small, as what I can focus on in common sense of and as the physical, to ground this here, in and as the real practice of living, where the starting point is the same as the ending point, in and as being equal and one , as being in common sense of the physical, grounded, calm, serene, at ease, being in joy equal and one with creation here, this that is the small creating the means of life in expression here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this works and to have believed ideas, beliefs and opinions as a mind consciousness only, in separation from real living,  a default system of self validating in self interest, making this  self created and self allowed in-position as imagination/fantasy/ self definition larger than the life that is the gift of expression as who and what I am as a physical beingness here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in and with every breath, to slow way down, to see realize and understand real living here, becoming into being equal and one with and as life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not use the physical reality in conversations as how things work, and to ground using the small, as a thought as what I bring forward as communication, as how men speak, to see the small, as this is what is right in front of me in the moment,  and to, as one and the same, create with the small, in respect of all life as the physical, to become fluid with creation here.

When and as I become confused, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that I am sorting through a fantasy, an imaginative idea/belief/opinion, creating a conflict that has the nature of confusion that is a separation from practical common sense of the physical, the physical being the means of life in expression, the real ‘ higher mind’ as what builds an information that does no harm, that takes that which respects all life, where life is the value, and the physical being the means of life.

When and as I find myself feeling loopy, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I bring myself here, grounding myself in the physical, using a common sense of the physical, taking the small and creating with it, within the principle of considering all things, and taking that which is good and does no harm, doing as I would want for myself, focusing here, building a self trust, that is fluid, and moves with ease, realizing and accepting the creator that is me as life as the physical, and the physical world around me, and at the moment, the separations that are a storm of not being equal and one with and as the physical world here as a mind consciousness only.

I commit myself to slowing down, to seeing the ghost in the machine of and as the physical body that is me here, and I breath, and I assess the small, focusing on what is real as the physical, as the practice of living on a physical planet here, to respect and care for life, as life is the value, as beingness in expression, equal and one to and with creation as the physical, here.

Within this, I slow myself down and see realize and understand where I have allowed myself to become automated within a personality of values I believe define me,  and I journey myself through being present here, as in respecting the life around me that is physical, until I am present here, equal and one with life, being thankful, humble/small and gracious to and towards the physical world around me, as this is me, equal and one, as life in expression.

I commit myself to realizing, seeing and understanding information flow within and as the mind, a reference of information as mind, collecting into an emotional feeling body, sporadic, uneasy, lacking constancy, bypassing the heart, of and as me, and I stop, I breath, I slow down, and then I breath, and I slow down some more, until I am calm, serene, silent,  and I remember myself to the physical taking the words that show the physical world and equalizing them to common sense of the practice of living on a physical planet, and here, I use my heart, to become one and equal to the hearth, this earth, to sense the space around me, and I assess in every moment, using the small, to realize here-ness, bringing what I hear, here, and grounding this into the practice of and as how the physical functions, in ways that do no harm, and take that which is good. 

Within this, I see realize and understand that all emotion and feeling, cannot touch the sensory skill of the heart, the sensory skill of the hearth of life as this earth, this physical world that is the means of expression of and as life and that understanding how this works brings great joy, as it is what lives equality and oneness to and as life here to be and become an expression of life as life was meant to be here as this is the acceptance of being the creators we were meant to be.

Day 647 Personalities bouncing around as the pressures of life take their toll.

I was having a conversation about a family friend's daughter who had become the prodigal son- so to speak. This girl had rejected her family traditions and married someone outside of her culture. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can lead to division if time is not taken to understand and develop common sense with living, as in understanding the different cultural measures and working together.

When life gets more difficult, when the children begin to turn into teenagers, the differences , if not worked on, and/or if one longs for the comforts of their childhood, because, as I said the stress of life, then personalities, as the measure of our childhood, begin to emerge beyond what motivated a mixed culture relationship.

I married a European, as an America, I had to learn some of their ways. Some I accepted and some I choose the way I had learned to do things, it became mixed. Cultures that are more different, I would imagine would bring on a greater need for balance.

Within the conversation, this daughter of this family, was suddenly interacting with her parents again, after some time estranged from them. She, according to the story I heard, was moving into personality swings. 

The conversation was about how strange her behavior was, how erratic, yet, if we understand how we develop personalities and how they can become a mind consciousness of likes and dislikes, as preferences that define us, in separation from using common sense as physical beingness on a physical world, a time in one’s life in a time of difficulty, will begin to move into what is comfortable within oneself as a measure of living, and begin to resort to that measure, not seeing that this whole scenario, reveals how we work as personalities that are the measure of values we learned during childhood. A prodigal son is the story of rejection of these values, and a return to them when things get tough.

Ofcourse there are children who reject family values and do well in times of conflict. Any measure is possible. It is not a one-size situation. What is revealed here is that we become personalities that cannot get along with others which means our personalities are measures of values, of beliefs, that we hold as bigger than being practical living. Our likes and dislikes are ideas about things, and do not really have anything to do with accepting the physical world around us with understanding. As such we lose sight of the small measure of being in common sense of what we do in every move on a physical planet. We become walking value judgements instead of being the practice of respecting what life is, a physical form. I mean why separate physical reality from life in the first place?

Because of our personalities, we have a monetary system that does not support and value life. We have an education system that suppresses life by placing a multi sensory being into a box to abstract knowledge and information to associate from in assessing the physical world, when this is placing the cart before the horse! That does not work, and it can’t work and it is not working. If it only works for a few, then it does not work!

We have a medical system that is not about health, it is about maintaining dis-ease for profit. Our health systems are considered alternative, and our emotional states, which are our personalities, are regarded as what makes us special when that could not be farther from the truth. If a feral child can learn to smell like a wolf, what is special about us that we have the capacity to understand this physical world and emulate it with ease, developing great abilities that would make living on this earth really fun! I mean it would be really cool to be able to smell that rabbit from a distance instead of looking on an iPhone! It would be really cool to sense this space with all of me, rather than seeing a picture about something, as a picture has no depth, cannot be sensed through smell-for example, nothing to touch that reveals what is soft about something or what is textured.  This is why we believe that going and shooting a tiger defines us, without any real consideration of the tiger’s body being the means for a sensory life, and what a sudden interruption of that life feels like! None of us would want this for ourselves, not one. When our emotional lives are upset, we get very reactive and dislike this interruption, seeing it as a threat- even when this is not using the means of the physical body as what we are, and really sensing the world around us. Thus, even in our limitations that we believe are real, we dislike the pain of loss, and it is this loss of an idea, belief, opinion that is of energy that we have allowed to define us, that is what separates us from being equal and one to the physical, where we would respect the physical, as the tiger, and do no harm because this is the real nature of ourselves as life.

We become the good and the ' bad' as values we believe define us, which are our personalities. These are the measure of our experience, as what we take from our parents as they are our early environment.  We become a personification. In understanding this, we can understand personality dis-orders as being what is not equal to real practical living. When things don't work, we return to the values we learned as children, because they are the most imbedded and have a comfort value attached. Thus, we become what we practice, and if this is not respecting life, our person-hoods/self definitions cause conflict with reality, because they cannot work in practice if they are not equal to what it means to live a physical life, which is to live in respect of, and forgiveness towards the physical world/creation manifest. Our measure within must be equal to the measure without.

Day 646 I may ground myself here, into equality and oneness with the physical to stand equal and one to life.

If I carry around my past, as all the experiences I have that are charged with fear, I cannot see the potential of what is here as the physical as life in expression. My reptilian brain stands with the weight of that charge, slowing me down, and all I see is threat and possibility of what I fear happening, which is a fear of being called a name that was my fear. So, I run from a fear of being called something. Which means I feel quilty about something I did or did not do. Do I think of correction within my actions or have I allowed the fear to become greater than the rate of correction?

I can only be here in this moment, moving equal to the physical, thus I can only address my fear in practical application, I can in essence only give myself to the moment and forgive any name I may or may not be called. I can slow way down, assess and correct. The principle of doing what is best for all, in every moment , in small detail, is always right in front of me. A shadow of fear, is the illusion.

Acting in self interest only, is fear because we live on a symbiotic physical planet,  meaning the means of being is physical, so cross referencing physical reality, is what grounds us. If I reference my fear, my past directed by this fear, I cannot see this physical means, and I separate myself from my own natural spatial awareness of this physical world. I then slowly age, no longer being present and equal to life, and I notice this in how when I walk, I begin to lose sense of that step before that door, or can no longer drive my car. I have separated myself from life and become a mind consciousness only. 

 I have become the limited knowledge and information that directs in associative ways only, very linear ways, so much so that I can not envision beyond a certain consequence of understanding, I can no longer see the whole and the parts, as was the gift of life as me as a child. As I child, I had not yet learned to communicate in words what I could see, and the way words were used, was not equal and one with the physical world. I learned to use words in fear, in a limited game of association only, each word charged up with reference to the world of fear, of inferiority, as a mind consciousness system only. 

I can only , in every breath, step outside of my comfort zone, and live in each moment, within the principle of what is best for all, and be thankful for every limitation I believe comes before me, because every limitation I accept is the shadow of my belief, opinion and idea based on fear and not the real presence of myself. My potential is so much more than the limited measure of and as fear, as my own constructed and accepted mind consciousness. 

I may allow the presence of myself as life, that was and is always here, to breath, and to live in the moment. And I may give as I am as life, and receive  the potential of life that is here all around me. I may be the absolute purpose of life, and become equal and one with and as life here. 

The means are in every moment, as I can address and be the small measure in every moment because what is real, as the physical is here right in front of me in every moment.

In every moment, the choice is to stand as solution, as what life really is. Life is physical, the physical is life information. Thus I reference the physical, with every breath, in gratitude, to realize there is nothing to fear, as life is right here, as the physical, to reveal in practice the way and the means of living. 

Any resistance means I have fallen into my mind consciousness , a valley of smoke and mirrors, of judgement, of values all charged up with emotion in self interest, that becomes an end game of a death for a false god composed of beliefs, opinions and ideas, that suck the substance of life from me, until I am a whitened wick of limited knowledge and information, moving by association manifest as telling the same limited and justifying story again and again, never having accepted life, and equalized my within to the without, my above to the ground that is the means of me as the physical world below my feet. 

 I stand here, equal and one, to and with the physical world, in support of myself as I am life. I take that which is good, which allows the full potential of life to stand as life, equal and one, in oneness and equality as all things here, as what is here, as the physical is life inFORMation. The scream of limitation as my reptilian brain can only be a large as I accept and allow it, what is real is life, as the physical world here. I stand here, equal and one to the physical, and I ground all time into referencing the physical world around me to bring an accepted and allowed mind consciousness into equality and oneness with and as life, as the physical, as this is real life, this is heaven on earth. I focus here, as this is what allows me to act in accord with life and since i can only move here in this moment, in small steps, the way is always before me. I accept and allow myself to be here. I practice physical living = life.

Day 645 What if the gift of patience? The gift of self discovery.

I was standing talking to a crowd, all the while it was as though the weight of fear was there, in each and every one,  I noticed that this sense of futility came up, and yet, I could see this and remain within moving through this, as in not only seeing this, and speaking up for what grounds and allows a more self directive capacity, the self discovery through the limitation.

And I realize that in my life, there were opportunities where I could have slowed way down and described what was happening within me, with those around me in my world.  Instead I reacted, kept insight to myself, and did not communicate openly. I had allowed a chaos of reaction, as energized ideas to define me over what was best for all. I had rejected communicating the measure of myself, and in so doing, dis-allowed the time to process through into an understanding, openly, that those around me were the same as me, lost in a mind consciousness game that separated one’s self from practical living. I allowed this, I accepted this.

It is like, in all practical measure, one cannot sort out what is not brought to the table.

Fear is really an inferiority to life, a loss of one’s innate common sense as a biological machine composed of the same things as the world around us. Our personalities are what hides what we fear, thus our personalities reveal what we reject and how we have projected ideas onto this physical world’s objects to avoid losing our self definitions that are a protection and self defense for what we believe defines us so we can survive never slowing down to realize that life is eternal, and need not waste time in survival and that our systems are a reflection of this belief in survival and not what is real as creation information as the physical. What we are allowing to define us, is a personification of values to hide our separation from ourselves as life. 

Having no real substance, this manifests as energy. Try sustaining this, and one would need a break, as it is not what allows one to stand eternally, never needing to hide. to escape from one’s community, never needing to snap and be impatient.

Thus, for myself, the choice is to become patience, to forgive myself and others, and to stand as what is best for all, using the gift of life, as my physical self, to see realize and understand what is practical and connected to reality, a physical reality, because this is what I really am here.

The smoke and mirrors of fear can only last a short time, thus I can stand in stability and calm, serenity and silence, to allow the revelation of separation as the personality gasps its last stance into seeing, realizing and understanding its own limitation- and this is what I would want for myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not use the gift of patience.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to rush, to run from limitation, as though the energy of others, as idea, belief and opinion could define me, when what I feared was the opposition to my own protective personification.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the measure as belief, opinion and idea expressed as energy, as projected personification, not seeing realizing and understanding how this was a separation from practical living, from what grounded presence into taking that which is good and does no harm, as this is the real nature of all men on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be patient within and without, to and towards all the life around me, to move past the smoke and mirrors of fear,  into what is eternal, as myself grounding in equality and oneness with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the ghost in the machine.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not shared my own ghost that I accepted and allowed within myself as my physical body, to realize equality and oneness with and as life here, and as this to stand equal and one with what is eternal, as what takes that which is good and does no harm.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I become patient, as the gift of life is right here, and I use patience to weather the storm of energy, as opinion, belief and idea rushing to shield a mis-take on reality, as life, and to see, realize and understand that ability of life to self dis-cover through the storm of voices of justification that is in essence  a process and solution into seeking and self dis-covering life.

When and as I find myself believing the game of separation to be bigger than myself, I stop, I breath , I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, allowing the mis-take on real living to rage into self dis-covery.

When and as I find myself fearing energy, as self validating of personalities, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the infinitesi-mal  of value judgements spinning as a mind consciousness seeking oneness and equality to and with life here and as this, I become patient, standing serene, calm, silent, breathing, forgiving myself within and without, as what is here is myself in another life, and I facilitate within this silent patience the movement out of mind consciousness energy into and through the ability of self to self discover what separates from life into what grounds self into equality and oneness with this practical physical world, as this world is the means of life in expression.

Day 644 What does it mean to be practical, living here, in the moment. The Game of Mind Consciousness.

What does it mean to be practical, living here in the moment?

I have to remind myself to practical reality in every moment, through reminding myself to stand up straight.

I notice that physically, my body tells me in every moment where I am, what shadows of emotion and feeling are causing me to slump in my chair, and/or when I walk, how present I am- how focused here, I am.

I also find that carrying out certain tasks causes reaction, like making a phone call is too difficult. Any time I have any resistance within a practical measure, I am not here. Instead, I am in an emotional reaction to and towards what practical step I have before me. I can slow way down and realize the emotional and feeling despair and hope as ideas about what will or could happen next based on a past of having not been practical, and slump my being into a limited idea that has nothing to do with being present here, being practical, walking the steps necessary to get things done, that is the measure/order of being here in a physical form. 

The smoke and mirrors show within of value judgements , known as emotions and feelings, is a fantasy built of a measure that is separate from reality- it has no measure of here, it is fantasy. It is rushing towards a body of information that lacks the presence of the practical, this being the practice of physical living on a physical world.

The solution, is to realize my own separation that is of limited knowledge and information that inhibits direct insight into this practice of physical beingness. And, because I have been taught to follow, instead of assess in relation to the physical world, and as such, created an overblown imagination machine I can so easily turn things/thoughts/values into ideas, and then follow the idea as is the habit formed by the structures in society at present- I am in effect a mind consciousness and not equal to life. 

These accepted and allowed separations/ideas/beliefs/opinions/knowledge-and-information can be transformed into what builds an awareness of physical life. A subtle shift in focus can create this change. I have to forgive any emotional feeling bodies built of limited awareness to remove the change/directive of them, and ground myself here in the practice of living, which is to respect the physical world. Were each of us to do this, the limited and stagnant system of believing a mind consciousness over the physical conscious practice of living would stand. 

If harm comes to any physical living body within the choices one makes, up close or from a distance, then one is not grounded in living and is inside a fantasy in one’s imagination. The two must be equal and one, the within equal to the without, the above equal to the below. It is simple, it is only complicated when one leaves the practical- a cool way to realize when one is in separation from life. 


No infinite argument can change this, which is why our media is a one way show. Our media is a reflection of a mind consciousness, a one way show, all in separation from real living, a separation from the real self as life. And we can blame no one, because we each one as self, accepted and allowed this.

One way in which the separation happens is when we are very young. I recently had a sleepless night. I stopped, I slowed down, I breathed. There was a memory of myself as a child. I had this emotional body hanging on me. It was of a belief that I needed attention. What was interesting is that I could sense this ‘ presence’ and I followed it out of curiosity and as a directive - like, ‘ okay, this is here, what is this?’ , “ I will follow it, play it out’ so-to-speak.

In that moment, I accepted it, even though I could see, as a very small child, that it was a ‘ thing’ as a presence, like a cloak of directive/feeling/emotion. It was like a state that had no real connection as who I was within sensing this, meaning, it had no where near the focus of that which could sense this, that was myself taking in the measure of the world around me, thus, who I was as who I am, as being a sensory beingness, was firstly present of the world around me. How else could I accept and allow a ‘ cloak’ of and as an idea of ‘ I need to play the game of attention”!?

I can at this point, only surmise where this came from, and I cannot blame where it came from, because I accepted it! In a sense I knew very well what I was doing and I understood on some level that it went against reality, that it was not real, meaning that it was not true, simply, not real. I did not need attention in a sense, because I was attention already! lol Another way to say this is, ‘ I am going to give up attention, to get attention!” while being attentive as who and what I am/was ( in that memory) was going to believe a veil of belief that I needed to ‘ get attention”. makes no sense. It was giving up the real means to an end, for an idea about that which I already was! What a weird spin on reality. It is really insanity. 

Day 643 The Word ' Practice" What I am doing when I skim a word!

I was reading this passage, and I noticed that I had skimmed the word ‘ practice.’ I went back and re-read the sentence and it was as though I could see a film over this word, like a glitch because in all reality, in all common sense, that word on that page, is the word ‘practice.’ A word on a page, cannot project some imagery! It had to come from me. I was the source of my ‘ ignoring’ into some fuzzy logic. I was the one who had the capacity to imagine. I was the one with a memory, not that piece of paper, unless there is some great conspiracy behind pieces of paper, and somehow the government has buried some techno-logical device in that piece of paper and it can project some smoky mirror show! Don’t think so, it would cost too much. lol Our taxes would be even higher than they already are! I digress. Excuse me.

Here, I write out what was within and as that ‘ film ‘ of my own acceptance and allowance, as my memory, clouding my perception of a simply measure, as that word ‘ practice.’

I have spent hours practicing an instrument. At times, when forced, this became a tedious thing for me to do. It also had a pressure, because I had to learn this or that within a specific amount of time, and I focused on the amount of time, becoming a definition in those moments of ‘ having a specific amount of time instead of being practical and living here, using the space and the time to simply focus on what i was directly doing in that moment. And, because I am so absorbent and have memory, I become what I allow as the very inner ‘ reaction’/acceptance/state-of-being ‘ in that moment; it stays with me because it is an experience that my sub-conscious re-members as me. Such experiences as judgement, remain with me until I clear them up, correct them until they are clear.

Thus, within practice, as in practicing, I began to realize that if I practiced a certain way, with a value judgement from the day before, that ‘ tenor’ as that quality, as that state of being, remained and was there the next day I practiced. I had to see this, let it go, when I had a performance, for example, and move through this. I even, at times, had to practice something more than it took to learn this in the first place, when I had rushed, or practiced with some kind of attitude, because i had to remove that ‘ attitude’ which was a judgement brought in as a value I imposed on what I was doing, until that ‘ attitude’ was removed. I created more work for myself than was necessary. And, this can happen from many angles about many things. We are all doing this when we have any measure of spite and blame, justification, resistance, to and towards anything that we do in life. Thus, we can see how such can accumulate within us, to the extent that we have children who have such chaotic sub-conscious mind ‘ measure’ that they are having a very very difficult time functioning in our reality, our physical reality. The good news is that this can be cleaned up, resorted, deconstructed and reconstructed. The tools are here, they are self forgiveness, writing it all out, and sell corrective application. This is what I am doing here, within this word practice.

Back to this word ‘practice.’

I notice that when I have to do physical ordinary steps/things/tasks that I become heavy as though these things are tedious, or ‘ too much’ - which is a judgement because a cup is a cup and that cup was made of clay from somewhere in the world, resourced by hands or machines, or a combination of both, placed in/on some transportation vehicle, moved to some processing system, then molded, baked, polished, boxed, transported, sold, taken home, and then used- and so on until it returned back into particles. All of this a practical action where the physical piece was how it was, and that defined it in the moments. Value judgements cannot change this, they are ideas, beliefs, and opinions, that are a meta-physical construction. Value judgements are a mind consciousness construction, they are not real. Yes, one could point out a value about something, this is calling something by its name because men use language to communicate. Other than this, having a memory, that makes one thing more than another is being within a value judgement, when a value is brought forward that has no practical measure.

For instance, if one values a Victorian style cup because one was surrounded by this in one’s youth and found comfort in that style, and/or related that to the moral measure of one’s upbringing, to the point where when one walks into a home of same object value tied to a morality, and then deems that person to have ‘ value’ one is essentially living as a mind consciousness and not in common sense of reality. This state-of-being is an imposed imagery in separation from reality, and it becomes a carrot on a string as one’s value system projecting a lesser directive that is in separation from physical living. It is an ignorance, one that is done in self interest, because this ‘ television’ - which is what it is- is so occupying and happens over time and is supported by immediate family/friends/associates that one, through habit, misses reality, because that inner reality is believed to be real. To live, one must be here, in common sense of what we are, which is physical states-of-being. Simple really. The complication comes from a metaphysical imposition as a mind consciousness on reality.

When I missed the word ‘ practice’ I experienced my own mental construction of values being placed on reality. I created it through accepting and allowing this mental metaphysical moralistic projection, I am a ghost create, and that ghost has no real substance, it is a burden I accept and allow.

Within this word, I notice that I believe that practice is tiresome/burdensome/ tedious, because I am rushing in my mind as an idea. In this I think/emote that practice takes too much time and I have other things to do.  I cause my own demise! I notice that in doing other physical things, that I find them tedious. I look too much towards the end, and do not enjoy and sense the means to the end. I then lose care, and do not give what I do in a moment due diligence. All of these judgements accumulate and become an mind construction within and as me, as my thoughts, and these come to direct me, to stifle my own natural ability as a physical man in a physical world to perform with ease and with efficacy. Ironically, if one takes the time to investigate, our present structural world system is a reflection of what each does within, that has accumulated over time.

I write out self forgiveness to remove my separation from being practical, so that the practice of myself here as a physical being is equal and one to life, this life, a physical life.

I also notice a fear of loss, that if I do not get something done fast enough, as an idea, then  will lose something. The irony here is that when I have practiced in a focused and ‘ at ease’ way, I get what I am doing done much much faster. Thus , the means is always right here in front of me. lol

This understanding makes it very easy forgive others, and to become self directive in a practical application. So, self forgiveness is not difficult when one begins to understand the benefits of being present without judgement, and how creative we each are, and how great our ability to be critical in constructive ways is our real natural state of being. It is to say, there is no ‘ wrong’ there is only directives that self-empower one to be self responsible, leading to self trust, self honesty, and self confidence. The veil is thin, and reality is right here in front of us. And yes, because this has been allowed by each human to exist, it is going to take time to correct. Each must forgive the hue as a mind consciousness and realize that the greatest hue is life, and life is right here in front of us, we need only accept it and allow ourselves to be who we really are; men.

I write self-forgiveness to clean up my acceptances and allowances around the word ‘ practice.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to skim the word ‘ practice.’

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and, within realizing that I have accepted and allowed a morality of limited values ( as not all are ‘ bad’) to separate me from being practical here, within and as reading the word ‘ practice.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect the word ‘ practice’ to tediousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define the word ‘ practice’ within tediousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the word ‘ practice’ and from tediousness through defining the word ‘ practice’ within tediousness in separation from myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit my expression as life, my presence, my potential as life, within creating a meta-physical construct of value judgements about walking physical ordinariness as what leads to extra-ordinariness within practicing as walking myself into awareness of what I do in a practical way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a walking memory of value judgement projections.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to separate myself from life, from recognizing physical reality, to in essence bring my heaven down to earth, my memory within to the world around me as the without, to ground myself here, in practical application of my natural ability to focus here, and move in respect of physical reality to live a life in full potential expression, being grateful in practice through the application of respecting all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to impose a meta-physical construction of value onto the action of practicing the means to an end, as in practicing a musical instrument,  slowing myself down, imposing a burden that is of belief, that is an action that separates me, through occupying my focus o value judgements as ideas about something, all of this in separation  from being direct and efficient in what I do and how I live here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how much I project onto things, to the extent I lose my ability, spatially, to be present, manifest as so many little things, little movements that show me the extent of my separation, such as tripping on stairs, dropping a glass, bumping my car onto/into another car as I have no presence here of the space around me as this physical world as my meta-physical construct of and as a morality composed of value judgements has accumulated over time and separated me from being present here, and I make mistakes as a consequence of my own accepted and allowed loss of spatial awareness, which in all common sense should have increased over time, over the life of myself here, as myself as a man being present and respectful and thankful of life, meaning to focus here, equal and one to and as the physical world, as all that exists is life, as the physical is life in expression here.

I forgive myself to not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the weight of my separation as a sense of things being impossible, as things taking too long to accomplish, as things being too tedious to ‘ get done.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that physical living is too tedious.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ignore that practical, as in walking/interacting with/ paying attention to what is here as how things are done, which is to walk the order of the physical world to reach/accomplish/get done what are actions that reach an end goal in ways that do no harm and respect all things and as such, focus myself here in space, to build awareness of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist life, this physical world around me.

When and as I find myself skimming a word, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I check what I project onto the moment here, and I forgive through transforming what I have accepted and allowed as belief, opinion and idea, based on traditions, culture, my own past, as value judgments that have not considered all things, until I am stable here, focused, to become the practice of being focused on the order of life, as the physical world, here.

When and as I find myself in separation as what a reaction is and of, as in this instance within the word ‘ practice’ being a memory as my past as having the quality of being tedious, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself, to focus here, equal and one with and as the physical world, to become awareness of life, as life is physical, meaning manifested in form and function, of many cells working together to express and create, a perfect machine, the same as me, a physical manifestation of and as life in expression, and as this, I become an awareness of and as life, here.

When and as I find myself projecting a value, or becoming occupied as mind consciousness only, I stop and I breath, and I slow way down, as this meta-physical construct is heavy, like I carry a televised imagery of morality composed of spite and blame, within and as me, that is the source, a self created, through acceptance and allowance, entity that takes away an awareness of physical space, where I lose what I ostensibly seek, which is life.

When and as I find myself believing that something is impossible, I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I see, realize and understand the burden of my belief/judgement that is my own created separation from common sense of physical reality, and I forgive what covers my gift as life, as my common sense, to ground myself back into reality to be able to move in space as this physical world with ease, building awareness of life, this being the practice of living.

When and as I find myself believing something is tedious, be it that something appears to be too hard, be it that I have a thought as an idea that, for example , ‘ something takes too long,’ or be it that ‘ there would be too much resistance’ or ‘ that I might lose a relationship’ I stop and I breath and I slow way down, and I repeat this until I am stable, here grounded, and I assess, I investigate until I can direct in ways that can withstand the test of time, meaning ways that allow a common sense application composed of many joyous steps that build awareness in their application, that often is simple and giving as I would receive, meaning allowing the world around me to self-discover a practical step by step application that walks the ordinary into the desired goal as the extraordinary, here.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, as what skimming words is and as, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, as I choose life, here, and I walk into awareness of the physical space here, to become equal and one to and as life, to become present here, to accept this present of life, as what and who I am, to practice living, to become the practice of life, equal and one, using the physical world as in, respecting the physical world which is the practice of taking that which is good, meaning to do no harm, and transforming the focus of myself to be present here.

When and as I find myself within and as a sense of unbalance, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself through focusing here, to sense the space here, until I am stable, and I do so with every breath, in every moment, walking myself step by step into the practice of life, here.

When and as I find myself uncertain, as in skimming, as in procrastinating, as in what separates myself from being present here, as in aware of space here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I become in parity within this course of life, here. : )

The Latin word practizare is an alteration of practicare which means to ' perform, carry out. ' 

Thank You for Reading!

Day 642 A reaction to a coffin carrier. The ghost in the machine composed of media and/or the past.

This weekend I came across an antique piece that was a panel on wheels, about two feet high, with a ‘Y’ fork on both sides. I kept staring at it wondering about its practical use. Meanwhile, I had a sense of dis-ease, that I would call having a quality of being morbid.

I asked about the practical use of this object, and the woman said it was to carry coffins. It made sense. Yet, I noticed that the ‘ feeling’ as the emotion was a sense of dread and fear, like the emotions were a memory that hung within me, that did not name the object specifically. Wow.

I also notice more and more how I can be doing something, and forget why I moved in a direction to ‘ do something.’ I get so caught in emotions and feelings and become that which I sensed without any real awareness in practical measure. The projection as an emotional body was ‘ stronger’ than the reality. How much am I doing this, being this, allowing this, instead of being here? Even to catch this ‘ mind over matter’ as what I allow takes my will to continually cross reference these entities of emotion in every moment, so seemingly subtle, yet so ‘ loud’ that presence here can become aware and stop this shadow world. If it can be done,  and as I say in this moment, ‘ it can be undone.’

This week also, I was reminded of an educator that developed a ‘ theory’ in the mid 1900’s. Interestingly enough, this was about 50 years after the advent of public schooling, that machine that uses this ‘ entity building’ as imagination to build constructions of knowledge that have no practical purpose and actually separate us from seeing directly here, as is our natural ability. This educators name was Vygotsky. He said that we construct knowledge and must deconstruct when we learn ‘ new’ knowledge. Yet, real ‘ knowledge is being present here, and remaining within an awareness of the practical physical world. In essence we can deconstruct - so to speak- to reconstruct in every moment. I ask myself, is this the self living here, with presence, focused? Is this the ‘ speed’ at which we are really meant to live? Do we know what this is, or do we move only as idea, as creating with our inner selves only, believing this to be what is real, more real that reality?

I mean, even so-called ‘ mindfulness’ realizes that we are not the back chat in our heads, yet do we realize that information accumulates in our physical bodies and can become a presence around us- and triggered by an object such as I experienced in crossing paths with an object I could not define in practical terms, yet also sensed an ominous emotion to in response? Is this the cult of believing emotion over reality? Is this what we have become? Is this the zombie within and as me? Is this the consequence of a mind consciousness? Is our within as polluted as the world without? Is the consequence of the pollution of the world without, the result of the separation from being present here, in this physical world as the focus of each of us on emotion and feeling entities/bodies rather than being present and here?  Am I so distant from myself being present that I have a question in my mind as ‘ what is that!” about a coffin carrier that also carries an emotional body that is ambiguous it is so distant in memory or a genetic ‘ memory’?

What have we allowed? What have we done? This appears so deep, yet it has no real substance. It is like a smoke and mirrors show, where the emotional/feeling entity is smoke and the mirrors are myself looking at the memory that in itself is so vague I miss it? And this overall, making it clear  that by its nature,  it is a projection and not real, and thus but a veil that is so thin, it has no real power. If I acknowledge this as real, then the joke is on me, because no one can change this/ deconstruct this but me/myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  become of curiosity in response to uncertainty, in relation to an object I could not name, as I was busy within and as myself as a slight ominous presence of morbidity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not read between the lines to sense this emotion, enough to realize and name it, in terms of it being morbid, which would relate to death and coffins.

I forgive myself for becoming confused about an object, and in the moment not seeing realizing and understanding how I was possessed with an emotional entity about something from another generation, within and as me, a very distant emotion, like I was standing in another era, and then this entity being like living in the past, and how I, before walking a process of self forgiveness, would have walked away to not face such a reaction, and how much this can move a person would they not understand this, and believe such an vague seeming emotional/feeling body to seem so real, without taking the time to look at the mind and it constructs and realizing them to not be what is here, in reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a smoke and mirrors show of the past, embedded within my genes as what has been generated by men, over time, within and as the accumulation of a mind consciousness over a life consciousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself, in relation to my memories, to react to an object based on an idea, as a judgement without practical investigation of the physical world, and the separation that has existed as false idols of mind consciousness aggrandizement that are an entity of the past coming up like a ghost in the machine as myself as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project an ominous entity onto an object, and to ignore this,  in the moment only to see this upon the next moment’s introspection.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project a value of ominousness onto a coffin carrier.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I actually have done this since childhood, meaning, when I noticed some emotional sense, in a building etc. I have wanted to move directly into it, to see, to sense what such a presence was, as though it was real, to the point at times, where friends I was with would not ‘ come with me’ which I took to mean that they sensed this too and could not face what I was noticing and even though I was scared, at times I purposely did what I resisted because I do not like people telling me what I can do and what I can’t do. lol

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at times have allowed this to define me as being courageous, or special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not have taken this same thing and applied this to beliefs, opinions and ideas, and instead to have reacted towards beliefs, opinions and ideas, as a good and/or a bad, and tried to impress my own beliefs, opinions and ideas, as my own limited constructs of knowledge and information without practical application and thorough investigation into and as what would be best for all, as a principled starting point that considered all things, taking that which is good and does no harm to any living thing in a physical formation of and as life, as what life would be, which is right here in front of us as this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the whole construct in the moment as the entity of doom and gloom, as a morbidity within seeing this coffin carrier, and my reaction as ‘ what is that’ as the back chat in my head,  that had a picture show of a funeral, that perhaps came from watching a movie, such a cluttered imagery in and as my mind, embedded as data- so to speak -in my physical body, and myself to not recognize this as what I am allowing to direct me, if I separate from being practical here, in respect of the physical world, from where such projections originate as the source of imagery that I accept and allow into memory, that diminish the life of me, as myself really living here, accepting life, accepting creation; the very means of life in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a fog of fear, of separation, of and as a mind consciousness only, as ideas of death being morbid only- which it is as it is not a transformative act- and being so in separation that I take this projection as being real, without critical thinking skills being applied in the moment to ground myself here, recognizing the smoke of belief as an imposition within that is not equal to living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear death.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not investigate what I am accepting and allowing as idea as mind, to see, realize and understand the lack of presence and real substance, as life that is me here, unaffected by such projections when and as I slow myself down, and see such for what it is, a smoke and mirrors show that has not real equality and oneness with and as the physical world here.

When and as I find myself having an emotional/feeling back chat movement within and as me, as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I cross reference my accepted and allowed imaginations, projections, fantasies, as what they are as mind constructions, and I slow way down, forgive the ghosts in the machine as my physical body, and ground myself here, equal and one in common sense of life, as the physical world here.

When and as I find myself forgetting where I am and how I had decided to move myself, I stop and I breath and I bring myself here, until I am calm, serene, grounded, stable within and as my breath, no longer allowing myself to separate from here, no longer allowing myself to abdicate myself as life into a limited mind consciousness - as the choice , the only choice is to ground myself here, equal and one with and as the physical as this is me in another life, as this is what I am, in all thankfulness, humbleness and gratitude, here.

When and as I find myself uncertain and confused as to what and where I am within what I do and where I am as myself as life, I stop, I breath, I ground myself here, I investigate here, until I am stable, and then I assess the practical world as the physical, to reconstruct myself into equality and oneness with and as the physical world, here, using self forgiveness, practical application and a self correction using words to construct what is best for all as equality and oneness to and with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself moving into longing, as being ashamed of my own accepted and allowed separation, I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself to see, realize and understand that the only choice, the only real freedom is to accept the physical world as life information,  to move equal and one, in respect of and as the physical world, here.

Thus, I walk, into equality and oneness, assessing the within with the without, grounding myself here, cross referencing reality as the physical, to become the practice of and as what is best for all, respecting myself and the physical world around me that is me, to no longer allow entities of belief, idea and opinions to define me as in to separate myself from real living resisting what I fear and accepting what I believe will enable me to survive in a system of mind consciousness that has accumulated over generations of separation, into a system at present on earth that is only an entity that has no real power but what is given to it as being real, as the information of and as it has not real power to create, because it is not equal and one, with and as reality, in respect of and as life, as the very means of living, here as the physical.

                      I choose to walk and realize the physical as equal and one to and as me here. I no longer accept and allow the pictures, voices, fantasies, imaginations, projections in and as my mind to define who and what I am here. I choose life.

Day 641 The matrix of limitation, a tiny life.

Getting lost in the patterns falling down from my mind and believing the emotional bodies building within my lower back.

I have been standing and facing people this summer with greater intensity than in the previous months. Within this, I begin to not only see my own patterns of reaction as my beliefs, but also, the ‘ songs’ of others as their spin on reality as the words they speak and the physical reactions some so carefully condense in small physical movements, hiding anxiety and forcing a suppression of themselves as life - their full potential to be equal to life as the physical.

Yesterday, I was at a gathering of people discussing problems and looking for solutions. After the death of my husband, where I had lost everything that I had built to define me, to survive, I had noticed that people were more often than not, projecting their words in such a way as to substantiate and validate their own constructed self definitions, and that within this, no single one was hearing or seeing another person. It was like a circle of people self validating without any awareness of anything but that story in front of their eyes, like a televised event only they could see. The words they used a projection of information they cross referenced within an effort to reinforce their own constructions of meaning. A meaning that over all was in separation from reality.

Yesterday, when an ex-teacher listened to a school administrator, she said, you speak with nouns, and make things sound so pretty, but it has no real solution. I was astounded and am so thankful for this woman’s words, it opened a door for me that I had only deciphered in my mind , yet had not seen in action. Suddenly, it was as though every person was a ‘ tenor’ so-to-speak and I was within that objectivity where I heard the words of others as a ‘ song’ so to speak. The gamut of the quality of the words so extremely limited, yet some of the parts holding a truth. Such a very narrow focus overall.

It is not really any different than a pop tune. Limited and very narrow within its expression. More of a whine, with a depressed quality that is depressing into self pity as an endless game that is used to define one’s self. It is like to say, “ if I listen to the tune, I can ride the ‘sea’ of my belief and continue in a depression of my own self accepted suppression .” Such a lot of work, lacking ease, causing a death instead of a transformation.

And yet, it is to listen to the parts, to take that which is good and begin to ground this into reality, into seeing the full gamut of physical living. This entity of belief, cannot define me unless I accept and allow it. It is just like a ghost in a machine, that ghost believed to be more real than that on which is rests as the physical. It is like the matrix movie where the information flows down and covers reality. Where one only sees the information, and not what is real as the very substance of the physical that is the means of this ghost- a measure that is limited, extremely so. One can realize this in the loss of awe within every moment in one’s life. That awe that a child can express in the simplest of things. That awe is that which can slow down and notice the cells in a blade of grass creating a blade of grass, an expression of life, here.

I have in the last weeks, sensed within me a weight that at moments I realize, in this moment here, a sense that the switch from a mind consciousness to respecting what is life as the physical, is impossible. There is too much to move through, and this has caused this weight and it is composed of what beliefs I have accepted and allowed to define me. I am to blame, and to correct what I have accepted and allowed within me, as a mind consciousness only, my own separation from life. No one can ‘ clean this up’ but myself because I am here with this. It means to give up everything to have everything. And it is a process that never ends, it is a journey to life. It is the solution. It is to forgive my self accepted and allowed mind consciousness in separation from life.

One of the physical things that I have noticed in the last weeks is that my body appears to me to be saying, ‘ SLOW DOWN.” And, I mean this in a way that appears to move against any sense of logic I have learned as a mind consciousness system. I have also believed that this is myself getting older, and then there is a fear attached to this, so within this, there is this sense as a belief that I am getting older, and also this sense that this slowing down is myself becoming more aware. The two things happening at the same time. And yet, with this experience yesterday, this slowing down has allowed me to see more of the existent patterns that a mind consciousness exists as. This moves against all belief as my mind consciousness! It is like giving up what is believed to be a truth, as this rushing, to find that this directive as slowing down is really the answer to grounding myself into seeing the patterns of separation from the physical world. This is like working with more than only being in my mind. And here, I must always remind myself that I tend to turn things into ideas. 

I must ask myself, ‘ How can something so limited be impossible to breach?” Overall, this is an illusion, because ultimately it cannot be impossible to breach! It is like seeing the smoke and mirrors and realizing they can be dispersed  and that overall the nature of this illusion is so lacking in any real substantive measure to believe it is real and can influence one’s self has only the power one gives to it!

Ironically, there are no mis-takes, as bringing the limitation as a lesser construction as belief as a mind consciousness, is walking the illusion back into life. Thus all reactions are not to be taken personally, and instead immediately assessed and directed  into what defines life as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the ghost in the machine is a mind consciousness that is of extreme limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the weight of my own separation as ideas, beliefs and opinions that have no real substantiating quality with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see my own constructs as mind, and realize the extreme limitations that they exist as, a composition of inferiority to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing equal and one with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the information I have accepted and allowed as belief, as opinion, as idea, a measure about reality, that is not equal to reality, as the physical, as this was here before any culture was what I accepted and allowed from day one, as a child.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I as a self accepted and allowed mind consciousness cannot change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to point out how much we humans exist as a mind consciousness, when we accept the idea of ‘ mindfulness’ as what we have as information passing in our minds as thoughts composed of words, built of past experiences, can be ‘ breathed through’ and not become what directs us, which means we can understand that what is in our minds is not who we can decide to be, here, thus, we can see, realize and understand that as humans we take in a measure, as belief, opinion and idea, and believe that to be more real than reality, and can use breath to stand outside of thoughts, yet we must realize that what we think is not what is real as being a measure equal and one to life, as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing this wall of information as mind, and interrupting the patterns of belief, opinion and idea, in such a way as to deconstruct and reconstruct the limitation, within and as sensing reality as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm, to move into solutions that can withstand the test of time and be of support for all life, realizing that life is the value and the means to live a life in expression that is of a potency that includes all life here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy, within and as my legs, I stop and I breath, and I assess my own self accepted and allowed limitations, as I slow down and breath, grounding myself here, taking the space to assess my ghost in my machine as a mind consciousness I accepted and allowed, to realize my own self accepted and allowed inferiority, and I slow down some more, until I can begin to reconstruct my insight ability to be directive in not only answering to limitation, and also, moving into solutions that give structures that ground which is to open doors and allow self discovery, in all the joy that self discovery brings as this is what I would want for myself, as this is what I would want for any child as me, here.

When and as I find myself having a thought within this ‘ as the norm of the system, that I am getting older” I stop and I breath, as this is, in this moment as how I see this, a measure as a mind consciousness as a program that I am getting heavier with the h-oldings of belief as a limited mind consciousness built in separation of life as beliefs, opinions and ideas, here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy in and as my legs, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I begin to see, realize and understand the measure of my fear, the measure of my belief, the measure of my inferiority to life here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop I breath, I slow way down, as in a sense this is my physical body telling me to slow down, as the weight is a rush that does not ground me here, that does not answer practically to here, which brings up a memory of myself rushing at times, like a moment of suddenly standing up and bumping into someone, as I begin and allow myself to chase a desire, at times to appear engaged, with a excitement in ‘ having something to do’ lol

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, as this is a memory as a ghost in the machine as myself as a physical sentience, as life, here, following a limited construction of belief, opinion and idea, in separation from respecting life, the means of which is manifest as a physical form here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my leg areas, I stop I breath I slow myself down, I realize the habit of my limited belief as a mind consciousness system, and I assess my limitation and practical reality, to self correct the limited beliefs I have allowed to define me within survival,  where I see motions of anger, and desire to blame and spite, project and imagine, fantasize and dream, and I continue to slow down, to name the self accepted and allowed separation, as belief, opinion and idea, until I begin, step by step, to deconstruct and align myself here, into what moves with humbleness and ease, having no fear and being forgiving as this is what I would want for myself as life.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy, within and as my legs, I see, realize and understand that my natural physical ease is showing me where I am walking in limitation, and instead of moving into self validation, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, I assess the weight of my own inferiority, realizing justifications warped into superiority, assessing the practical world around me, discovering it through bringing my own self definitions as ideas into what does no harm as a practical state of being, and allows the self discovery that has the nature of an awe of and as the world as creation ever present around us/myself here.

When and as I find myself speaking in nouns, or being in the presence of nouns as words, where things as ideas are turned into pretty icons, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I assess the difference between living words where words are directive into creating directives that allow the self discovery of real practical living in ways that allow the potential of every man to live a full life,  here.

When and as I find myself , within this moving into righteousness, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I see, realize and understand that this is wanting a quick fix, and myself rejecting life here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand I must assess my accepted and allowed belief system as a mind consciousness system, and name the limitation assessing the energy as blame and spite, projection of a filmy entity onto objects, hiding from being self responsible to and towards life here.

When and as I find myself becoming a weight as fear, as a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I assess the movement of myself in thought and word, and the directive as myself as a mind consciousness deed, I forgive, and step into the unknown, seeing realizing and understanding that there are no mis-takes, only a process of grounding myself here, equal and one to what does no harm to discover what is best for all. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTKAISStf4c