Continuing with the word ' protean ' Day 797

Continuing to look at the word ‘ protean.’

One of the things I realize is how much I move into my imagination. This is change in itself. This reflects an ability to change, in a moment. From one moment to the next I find myself imaging things, imaging scenarios. I am no longer processing what is here, in plain sight. What did I miss? 

It is as those times, when being with people, conversing with others, that I realize I have lost a focus, and missed what was being said. That point of change, from listening to listening to what is within me, is change. Thus, I can change. Who is my master in this scenario? What am I allowing myself to listen to, to change to, to embrace, to accept as the attention of myself? Obviously, I am the one who allowed the change into a focus of something. Overall, this means I change, it is not someone else being that change for me, it is me. A contrast, is those times when I retained a focus on another, or a thing, and heard what was brought forth, or watched what was being done. In this, every moment here, as who and what I am, reveals to me that I am constantly living change, self accepted and self directed change. I am responsible for what I focus on. Also, no one can be the directive of that within me. I choose to watch television. I choose to read. I choose what I focus on. No one can reach into me, and make the decision for me. 

Thus, I have an ability to change, to direct my focus. If I interact with notes, building an ability to recognize notes, and by extension, patterns in the use of notes, I am building an ability to process the math as the notes, realizing the shapes, the forms, the tensions, all the dimensions of what it means to shape and form sound structures. It is no different with words. I am the instrument and the words are the notes, They are notes that can never be the real thing, they sound about things, our words as notes. It is that words are notations about things, this is communication. 

In the discipline of music, one must be aware of what one is doing with one’s body. If tensions build up, they accumulate and expressing the music becomes more difficult. The instrument as the human body, begins to compound tensions, and one must compensate, which is a distraction from being openly attentive to what one is doing. Then the hiding begins, as one does not want others to realize what one focused on as an accumulation of a distraction. And so this compounds. It is really no different than when we go to take a test. We know when we know something, when we focused on something in a way that builds an ability to change into it, with responsible self direction. 

I was driving in my car, and found myself imagining something- a form of entertainment, mirroring in many ways, the practice of watching television. I stopped, I breathed, I slowed myself down, placed my presence into my hands for a moment, a realized the steering wheel. I looked out at the passing trees. I am here. 

I have done this many times. This time, I also asked questions. I have started to use the where, when, what type of questions. Instead of only looking at the trees, I asked myself what are the relationships I am seeing that are here, right in front of me? The trees have a relationship with the air, with the sun, with the clouds. It was to look at the information that is here, that is real, that is physical, and directly in front of me. This, in itself, was myself changing. 

Thus, how can I turn this natural ability to change, into changing in ways that respect what is here, as this living reality. If I can realize that I mis-practiced a piece of music, because how I practiced that piece of music, remains when I go to perform that piece of music, the history of my every movement, as focus, remains with me, thus what state of being I allowed as a focus on myself remains if I do not realize how I was utilizing this ability to change, as to selectively focus on things, with this being within my imagination, or communicating, as interacting with focus, on what was/is directly here. My distractions remain, which is a gift because I show myself to myself,  within the choices, or the changes, I accept and allow. 

I am the very means of change. I am protean. I am as how I work, responsible for what I allow within this ability to change in every moment, because what I am, is using this means of change all the time! 

Day 721 Never Telling a Lie. Brutal Self Honesty

 Never telling a lie and smiling. Brutal Self Honesty.

This summer I asked myself what it meant to really smile. I started to pay attention to when I really smiled and when I did not.

I realized that when I could smile with ease, I could hold it, meaning I was more at ease within what I spoke, what I spelled out, what I wrapped my mouth around as words that built ideas, beliefs, and opinions, reflections, transposition of imaginations, reflections of reality etc.

I could use this to realize when I was not able to smile in such a deep way, as when I could not hold onto what I said in such a way that what i said could withstand time, or could stand eternally. I could also see more of when I was not clear within myself.  I could acknowledge when I had not done enough investigation or assessment- leading me to be okay with saying that I needed to investigate more in a given context. 

It also demanded that I listen to my own reactions within myself to a greater degree. Speaking became more of listening to myself and others, and taking care with what I said. 

Last night I was at a Toastmasters meeting. There is a section in the meeting called ‘ table topics.’ I was called up to speak and received a prompt that asked me about laughter. It asked if I laughed enough. I stopped. What i had been working on came back. I looked out at the audience and said, “ this is the perfect prompt for me!”

Standing there before a group of people, I could relive what I had placed on the side and forgotten and bring this back, remembering that I had worked on using my physical body to help me focus on what I could stand within that had a more eternal quality; that was the difference between a real smile and an automated smile.

When I speak in a way that lends an easy smile, what I am saying is more grounded and something that I need not fear proving or remembering. It is the same as never telling a lie. 

What does it mean to never tell a lie? It means to be clear, to check one’s self to see if one is not being honest. It means disclosing one’s fears, if need be. It means checking to see if I am acting in self interest, realizing that self interest in terms of ideas I have about myself as a personality, are being protected or related to what is best for myself as what and who I am as a physical being that is in human form before the cultural values I have accepted and allowed to program who and what I am - that did not direct from a starting point of considering all things as me on what is in living a form a physical reality, a physical expression of form. Never telling a lie means, stepping outside of a mis-use of my imagination into limited ideas of role play, realizing that what my first role/ ‘ measuring rule’ is towards the very form that is me, a human being on a physical plan-it. This means that whatever plans I accept and allow must respect all things here in this community of life called earth, so to realize no harm and ONLY that which supports all life.

What does this mean on a world stage? This means that any practice that does harm is unacceptable. This means that any plan that suppresses existent LIVING FORMS by any means, be it economic, or political and religious, is a dogma in separation from reality and therefor unacceptable. This means that actions that pollute water are unacceptable. This means that spaces that separate one from nature and this living reality are unacceptable and must transform in peaceable ways to and towards what respects what we are here on this earth; physical living potentialities that are life and therefor the capacity to live what is best for all. Why would we have a media that by design and nature constantly pushes and forces and drives and touts measured set bodied forms of information with musical drama and emotional rants over and over and over again? And why do we accept this ? It is all a lie, and that lie is not birthing happy and healthy people FOCUSED HERE- where one need never ever tell a lie. Thus, our degree of real joy in expression is equal to the degree of respect we give to what we are, manifest in acts that rather than deny and punish, support and direct into an understanding that gives each the opportunity to stand  in such a way that one can make decisions that do no harm to self and others. This is being focused here, on this physical world. 

It is so simple, yet in the chaos of separation, this simple state that is natural, is forgotten. The solution is to realize one’s self accepted and allowed limited math/constructs/formUla’s of gloom and doom, blame and spite, resistance and rejection as a inner construction that one projects from the living flesh of self out onto this world, allowing this to determine habits that lead to actions that are not what is self in self expression as life. What is the practice of ‘ mindfulness’ actually telling us? If we are not out thoughts than what are thoughts? Is a child born with thoughts? No. They are created. What we create, we pass down into the genes of our children. Is this why there are more and more cognitively dissonant children  one could call having attention deficits? Why is the simple so hard to realize? Because that valley of good and evil, is being projected by men, by the self!

Why are we placed into enclosed spaces to learn to express knowledge and information without practical application? Why do we have so many problems in communication with one another?  Why do we have little patience to learn something new? Why do we find it so difficult to MASTER something? Could it be that the consequence of abdicating who and what we are has lead to a fictional self imposed on the physical, and automated because just as a master automates a perfect practice, so does an imperfect practice! 

 It works the same BOTH ways! 

I can no longer fear standing up and saying this in the most practical of terms. I can no longer fear calling this out. IN calling this out, it will lose all power it has, this fictional inequality to this living reality that is the gift of life. As has been said so many times, and for many centuries, where better to hide what is real than in plain sight. What is HERE and is visible, is that proverbial eye of the needle. 

If you cannot really really smile an eternal smile, you are not being honest, you are in essence telling a lie. No one can become what is eternal within you for you. Only you can do that.

Join Desteni, deconstruct your construction of separation from reality, become living words. Save yourself, accept your SELF as life. The way to never ever have to lie again is to see the consequences of having lost the smile, to understand what imbalances lead to the loss. This is the gift of life, the opportunity to stand one and equal to and as self as life, here. 

Day 679 Opening the Chest To Heaven on Earth.

At the moment I read books where I realize there are comparisons that appear to spin in  a contradiction, making some things within the association have meaning that is not at all clear. Defining the words and making sense out of a spin as an idea, means speaking up and pointing out the discrepancies.  It is a process of defining the parts , which is defining the words, and aligning them with practical reality. I can see where a child would meet with more of the same spin even if they tried to catch all the words and the sounds and align them, having to work with the words and order them and then speak up. This design would be very difficult for any child.

For this reason we cannot really blame anyone, we can only go back, and sort out the layers of information ourselves. And the information is in every move we make, in every word we speak, in every thought we have moving through our conscious minds, as this is a reflection of the measure of what we have accepted and allowed; we personify what we believed, we personify our stories that are based on the past of ourselves and those that came before us. We are the creators of what is here as the present system. 

We can decompose this and equalize ourselves to the physical world, respecting it as the same as us, as the starting point and build heaven on earth. It would be like being born into heaven, removing the gap of separation from being equal to creation as the physical. We can remove the suffering and the belief that holds it in place that we learn through suffering.  Suffering is really just that baby missing a step, to then right themselves and move into walking. We have aggrandized the fall, and built a religion around it. That is the illusion. 

Within myself I can move into joy, the joy of expression of life, through breathing, through slowing down, through walking through the layers of the information that is the personality I live in every moment, so visible and so forgivable, to ground myself here, equal and one within breathing-in with a presence of myself here, and taking the time to sort out the information so that I am clear in respecting this real actual physical world around me. I need not fear the confusion, as the information of survival in separation from who I really am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hate myself for participating in limited knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush, through my chest area, in an excitement that is a fear, and a desire to understand, and yet even within this initial drive, from my hard drive, as my breath and presence here, to see realize and understand that as a young child sorting this out with a cross reference, would have been very difficult, within using the code as words to order, which I probably did not yet have enough of and as within me, to do so.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel depressed within and as this, as a sense that I am pressing down on myself from my eyes and the back of my head.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even in high school I could see that I was doing this, moving into the story around me, via the voicings of the people around me, to get along and go along. where as I walked up to the group, I took a breath, and stood with the story, imitating it, to be able to participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that wanting to participate made it all okay.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move within and as my chest area, in a kind of rushing, upward-like to stand in a construct of information in order to participate in the world around me, as though this upward thrust within and as my chest area,  was me stepping into a survival suit, where this took a huge effort, because this was myself suppressing myself in fear of facing the storm of the personality of and as this in others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as my eye area, there is this sense of pity, like a ‘ I am sorriness’ which is really a sense of suppression to only see limited values as I choose information to direct myself in an effort to get along and go along as somewhere in my past I believed sorting things out was not possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my shame is a sense of futility where I sink in and as my chest area, as what I expected within self directing in limited knowledge and information of ideological values,  as somehow this was not moving into expectations in a narrow focus or in a sense of reaching mutual clarity, as though somehow I realized the connection was not sound, stable, clear and within this I accepted less than believing it would be sorted out at some point not seeing realizing and understanding that deconstruction and reconstruction takes time and equal participation from a separation as a starting point.

Thus,

When and as I find myself ‘ pushing myself up’ as a movement within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the measure of personification I have accepted and allowed within and as me, remaining in breath and grounded, and walk, in respect of this real physical world that is the information of life in expression, here, as this is me, and this is recognizing the means of myself as life here into eternity.

When and as I find myself approaching another, within and as ‘ lifting myself up’ within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I asses how I am, as a measure of belief, opinions and ideas, directing myself as though I am moving into limited and separated knowledge and information to self direct, and I sense the suppression of being present, and I ground myself here, until the pressure building in and as my chest area beings to clear, realizing that I can listen, and understand and practice directing in ways that bring an intimacy as a clearness in being present here, a presence that senses racing in values, and ignoring the ease of being grounded here,  as much as I am able to remove the view of ideas, beliefs and opinions I have accepted and allowed to define me.

When and as I find myself moving within and as rising up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I no longer allow myself to suppress myself into only moving as knowledge and information as a measure of values, as I assess what I have accepted and allowed, and what is the movement around me, and the physical, until I become the practice of understanding within and as what allows an absence of suppression and racing into a projection of an end goal as the self interest I accepted, and instead enlightens myself into ease and clarity, calm and stability here, as that which is equal and one to here, the physical to realize in thought word and deed heaven on earth.

Day 623 Oblivion: the sense of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed experience.

Oblivion: The state of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed.

I am the measure of what I accept and allow. The memory of me, as the measure of me, determines the movement of me here. If I have a voice in my mind, as a measure, as an entity, as a thing, though of imagination, of a fluid, rushing heard-only-by-me within sound, it cannot possibly be what is real here. It is ‘real’ to me, and me only, it is a constructed perception of this reality because it comes from my perception of this world I live within, this world I am now a adult human being within. I am a man, and this is the hue within and as me as my experiences accumulated. I mean, what does the adage mean ‘ the sins of the fathers”? I think of sine and tangent and cosine, from my days in geometry.  Something about angle relationships. And ‘sinus’ meaning curve, and in Arabaic meaning ‘ pocket size’ . Somehow all word play describing the curve of memory, something that can fit into a pocket, somehow characteristics of what memory is. One must remove any value to memory, and see it for what it is without adding a value to it. It will remain, will not go away.  Listen to the voices in your head when you feel fearful, they curve you away from being practical, they distract, take attention, and they fit into the pocket that is you as a living physical form here on this earth. They are a measure of reality, a relationship made from an experience, done with ordering a set of values, not necessarily a bad thing overall. It is the limitation of values without considering the value being life here, as being physical. One thing about the mind, and about our system, is that we are impulsed to believe in being perfect immediately, a by product of instant gratification in a consumerist society. And, an indicator of our own lost sense of space and time in consideration as equal practice with being physical beings here.  And yet, what we long for is connection with others, just as children long to participate in a classroom.  

Ever stood on the sides and become inwardly agitated while listening to a conversation in the center of the group on which side you stand? Can you sort out what it is you are reacting to in detail, or does the agitation take over, and a sense of frustration and then a voice of criticism composed of terms, as words, as ideas, pointing out what is right and what is wrong and then moving into creating/voicing a story about the individual speaking, or the others in the ‘ inner’ part oft the group? Is this process of delineation ( which is what is it is) creating borders to  order in self interest as belief, or is this cross referenced with this reality, to sort and create into a collective understanding that unites and gives productive sustainable direction and order?  This is the measure of self, as idea, belief and opinion. It seems too real, and it is . Yet, it is a measure of understanding, based on judgement, composed of values of good and bad about the things around one, and this becomes a relationship as belief, that then becomes the experience of oneself, and if repeated, because we learn through spaced repetition, this becomes the signature of oneself, and the voice of oneself, and then if this does not direct with clarity, it causes problems because this signature lacks consideration of all things, and thus mis-takes, as things not considered, accumulate and one becomes locked in a valley, of shadows of good and evil, of right and wrong, and the clouds accumulate as this inner measure, until the ground, as the valley is no longer visible. It is like, we become the smoke in this metaphorical valley, and we dissipate because we become what we think about, what we form ourselves as, or allow ourselves to be formed as, because we can blame no one, as we are capable of reforming ourselves  with that same substance that forms the separation. This is the gift of life. The media cannot form the storm of you, unless you accept and allow it. It is by consent that we accept the story as the measure of what is happening in this world presented by our media. Without investigating reality in detail, we cannot blame another for ourselves, as a movement, accepting what is presented.

This reminds me of someone I knew growing up. They worked with all different races of people. They enjoyed working with them, and nurtured them within the building of awareness within a specific field. So, on the ground, they cared and directed within their understanding. Yet, when talking generally about things, as the socio-economic scenarios that were dictated via media with all manner of justifications and reasons, with all kinds of limited relationships made, they objectively looked at the same races they intimately directed in every day life and therefor understood the capacity of the person, yet viewed the same collective of people as being lacking in ability as a whole. The contradiction made no sense, because non the  ground, their token exposure to various races, was of a completely different experience. The relationships lived on the ground, in the every day, told a different story than the relationships made as groups on the media. And no attention to the details of the system was conveyed that would cause a man to become limited in their development , or frustrated with living. A man must have the basics to live, and the opportunity to build awareness as in being exposed to all measure of reality to become a capable person. This is understood, thus lack cannot be what defines a person and then punished for being that lack because this is not addressing the absence of what is needed to redirect the awareness of that in lack to no longer missing what is needed to be self directive in ways experienced in our immediate communities when we interact with that same race that happens to be in a situation where there is opportunity for development!

I practice self forgiveness, as the means to the end of an inner understanding being unequal to understanding practical reality. As I practice this forgiving of myself, I become what I practice, and I begin to ground myself here, realizing the necessity of respecting life, as in, with every breath, living the full measure of this existence, to become and be equal and one to life, to realize the full potential of what it means to bring heaven, my little heaven in and as the measure of my acceptances and allowances within, as my accumulated experience, as what I believe that I am,  as the very measure of my understanding, to ground this, to cross reference, to realize and be thankful in all humility, everything that is here around me as this actual , real physical world as this is the very means of me being here in expression as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged this gift of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the preciousness of this gift.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to be ashamed of what I have ignored that is right in front of me, as this gift of life, to be and interact, to connect and live, to become understanding that is whole and respectful that can exist within and as the ease of what being humble is in movement here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen, realized and understood, the separation from myself as life that I have accepted through fear of being self honest here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to define myself as limited experiences instead of using the measure of my experience to open myself to understanding what it means to live a physical manifestation of life as life would be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand as I stood on the edge of community, that the experience of me as my memory, as the measure of my understanding,  was just this, and to have in abdication of myself as life, judged the measure presented instead of assessing this measure and cross referencing reality in respect of all life, to realize creation, as in taking that which is good and does no harm, as that which is a measure that considers all things, to direct in ways that bring solutions, as solutions are what sustains and expands existence in all parts, a collective interaction that realized in all humility that it is all parts standing as two or more in the name of life, which is the physical, that is the strength and building of heaven on earth.

When and as I find myself filled with an energetic movement of resistance, or of a tension in the back of my head, or in my chest, or a movement of pressure as contraction within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and accept the voices in and as miming, the complaint of my inequality to life, the complain of my lack of understanding, and I see realize the blame and spite I place on objects as reflections in my mind of stories, where I lame myself as life, in fear of being self honest, in fear of standing equal and one in respect of living here.

When and as I find myself becoming confusion and an agitated sense of frustration, I stop, I slow down, I allow the fury of my accepted and allowed separation into and as mind to subside, as I forgive the raging measure of limitation composed of beliefs of more than and less than, and I ground myself until I am silent, calm, humble, and I sense the measure of here, as reality, here as the physical, and I assess, I investigate until  I can direct myself in consideration of all things, realizing that this will take practice because from the get go, and from the accumulation of the sins-of-the-fathers, I must act with care and humility to begin to expand in a common sense of the physical world here.

When and as I find myself unable to be directive with clarity as with a sense of ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed an overwhelming sense of oblivion, thus, I slow way down and bring myself here, to ground myself here in the moment, and I stabilize in and with my breath, and forgive the limited measures as polarized beliefs, opinions and ideas, used to suit myself in survival in separation from accepting this physical world as life information here, and here I slow down, and use my common sense, to investigate and assess reality here, to realize in practice until this becomes a constant that can withstand the test of time, to be figuring with and as every breath here, to realize in thought word and deed equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself lacking in humility and ease, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I investigate within and without, to ground myself into this moment here, to accept the gift of creation, as the physical, as this is the way and the means of life, and for this I am grateful, here.

When and as I find myself existing within and as a sense of oblivion,I  stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive myself to the measure of my accepted and allowed experience within and I cross reference the measure of what it means to be life, as life is a physical manifestation in expression as life would, and I realize the overwhelming nature that is the forgetfulness of oblivion, and I breath, I slow down, I humble myself until my breathe is calm, and I can begin to sense the within as my accepted measure and the without as this means of my being here, the physical, and I cross reference, until I can assess what is here and what directives consider all things and take that which is good, until I am equal and one with and as self forgiveness as is the nature of me as life, into what is constant in respecting the physical within and without, to become a constant in respect as self forgiveness to reality here.

Day 541 The MAZING mind.

I am dealing with a family that has problems with their children. I have talked with both parents and the child. Having watched so many children, specifically read, their body movements, the way their eyes move, where the very music of them stutters, I look at the child speaking with me, I ask some questions, just to get him to speak, so I can hear the words, see how he moves, like when I taught children violin. I had to watch to see if the form, as their bodies, was in alignment, balanced, and how they were moving as the blocks as the notes, because when one reads music, one see the patterns as blocks, and takes in the form of this. Playing the violin takes an awareness of many angles, and to get this to come out in balance as a child, takes some “ reconfiguring.” One has to know where things are not flowing, even within. With reading and speaking it really is no different.

I listen to this boy. I speak with his parents. I notice there is spoken agreement. But, when it comes time to organize, nothing.  It is like seeing a seed emerge and then no capacity to follow through. the whole scenario will be sabotaged with this action. But then, this is somehow understood because they had reached out and come to me.  The only thing is to call this out and walk the limitations in the way, direct through this, make it plain, and either the action is taken or not. I feel responsible for the steps that would lead to self responsibility. But the maze appears too much to me.

So, I find myself going into planning, emotional planning, to face what comes. I remember that everything was analyzed in my family, about every single action one made in various situations. Then the fault line was pointed out.  The verbal punishment ensued, the reprimand. I felt that i was trapped because the questions came at me, where i was caught in answering but never allowed to ask the questions.  Perhaps, as I became older, I then started to ask more questions, or bring up more variables, as is natural, but then used this, when successes had been made, as a way and a means of deflecting the whole situation so as to pre-empt where I for saw within the event the fault line. So, I got caught up in a game of avoidance tactics, smoke and mirrors, using my sense of space and time to  build my own castle walls. This is like consuming an ability in very narrow and limited ways, instead of using this to actually see the totality of what is here that would bring one to act in such “ mazing” ways ( yes, why do we just use the word amazing and not the word “ mazing” When in effect this is what really happens. )

This brings me back to the boy and his parents within whom I am interacting at the moment.

I am dealing with the “mazing” that is the same as what i have done, even though the specifics are perhaps of slightly different measure. But, somehow, there is awareness of this “ mazing” effect, this self sabotage.  We are not seeing that, just as with learning to play the violin, we create what we are within, and we are responsible for what we create within, and what we create within becomes our tool of measure in reaction the the world. What each must realize is that every one of us is doing this, were we not, were the balance of each human more on the side of consideration and respect for this world, then our system would be more a system of care for this life, and since it is not, the majority of us, that have jobs and a roof over our heads, are more than likely a mazing of  avoidance in being honest and as such, enjoying, really enjoying, being here, interacting with this reality. Instead we are caught up in our own heaven and hell fantasy in and as our minds, we are not being direct and equal to reality, realizing our mis-takes, as only this, as a process of learning to become life,  we are hiding, using that which enables us to respond and measure the outside world, and building an inner maze that has forgotten to enjoy what we are in essence doing as beings on earth, which is to learn, to enjoy, becoming functioning beingness with this world.

I find, within this realization, that my back is screaming. Like standing and being clear, will end up causing reactions, but I would want someone to be patient with me if I had become this, I would want that non-reaction as ego if I were in the other’s shoes. I would want the slow and careful patience which was given to me at times in my life that allowed me the space, that even showed me the space to see my own movements, my own measures, to realize them and then add more awareness to my own mazing actions so that I could begin to move with ease, which is to move with humility, humbleness, patience, and self honesty and actually begin to enjoy being here because it is here that I am life.

Stop and Look at your own mind constructions, built over time, where the forest is no longer seen through the trees. To begin the journey is free. DIPLite. And free Eqafe.com Interviews. Become the patience you would want for yourself.

Day 447 Indolence Cont. Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application.

Cont.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what i have accepted and allowed as limitation of insight into practical physical reality has accumulated within and thus, as I begin to look at my own accepted and allowed limited and as such, stagnant ideas, beliefs and opinions that are of comparison which is myself moving as directives of good and bad instead of practical common sense, I must change and direct myself based on a principle of what is best for all and this process will deconstruct my separation and as such be a process where I will have to deconstruct my self accepted and allowed character which will at times feel like I am going against my very “ nature” but this “ nature” is a “ nature” of disregard for this physical world and is a “ nature’ in survival, seeking gain, wanting to appear as more than another, and this is the illusion as the very substance of all form is the substance of life that as self will separate from the absolute value as life when used in self interest and become energy as emotions and feelings instead of the directive of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that When and as I allow myself to become indolent I am in effect avoiding being here, allowing the next step to seem bigger than the substance of life that is ever present, here, available through breath, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand when and as I go into a morality, as a system of judgement of right and wrong, a system of label that is not directive as it is looking at ideas of what is more and what is less, and thus myself seeking a fixed finality, instead of humbling myself into what is best for all and letting go of ideas about how things should be, and as this realizing that there is a process within equalizing self within the principle of what is best for all, thus to always breath, let go and direct separations from equality and oneness, from what is best for all, from what moves as an ease within understanding here, this being directive in such a way that the object can stand and direct.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that indolence is myself stopping myself from standing and directing absolutely as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow an idea based on my past, as myself being unworthy based on an idea of what looks/appears to be a more than as visual attributes instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that it is the words we speak and the directions we tale that determine what and how life is expressed on earth, and thus when and as I find myself  limiting myself within and as an idea, as a reaction to not having some immediate response, regardless of reaction, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I do not allow myself to become a morality as idea, and/or my past, as one is a self accepted limitation of insight and the other is judgement based on collectively accepted idols of how something should look causing a disregard of the expression of life.

When and as I have a behavior within and as my physically as a judgement of not having reached another, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that I can only face the constrictions within and without one step at a time, thus when I feel myself within physically avoiding/giving up/becoming a stubborn silence that carries an inner voice of “ you don’t understand” I stop and I breath and I direct in that moment within and as the principle of what is best for all.

When and as I find myself wanting to go into familiar habits of self pity, I stop and I breath, and I realize that the past is the past, and not what is here, and I see realize and understand that I can direct myself here within and as common sense as the principle of what is best for all, and within this that skip counting helps hold division of space and time and words help describe space and time as I understand it, thus the language of numbers as measure and the sound as words as directing here are the cross of a GPS system to direct self as life here, a formation of self as life in a human physical body to ground self here as life, as I see it here.

When and as I find myself taking things personally and reacting, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I do not judge myself , I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all,  and I realize that I can only move from a point of nothing into something, into expression and this as each moment, to begin again in each moment, from absolute silence, the real comfort of being an absolute directive of what  substantiates life, as a directive principle, where the idle play of morality can be let go and brought back and directed, here, within and without, to equalize the within with the without, so that life can begin.

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Day 384 Free Choice = Paranoia of the Unknown

Free Choice = Paranoia of the unknown

What is here on earth that supports us is known, thus there is no choice as to what is here that supports us, as to what sustains us, as to how we function - I’m sure that thorough-bred horse’s diet and exercise is very carefully directed and structured to produce that horse’s full potential. Human’s are no different - some enjoy moving the forms of dirt around, and some like moving the forms of digits and words around on paper, one is not more than another, they are simply different mediums, different perspectives of the physical where all are a part of the orchestra of the physical creation of life known as earth. The full potential of life in development means that one can HEAR/here this orchestra of life.

What is it that we hear at present? Dissonance manifest as starvation, poverty, sexual abuse, soil degradation, desertification, pollution, animal abuse, spirituality, prayer, hope, statements of no meaning, promises never kept, the same lies revealed with every changing politician ( The Pentagon Papers about the fabrication of Vietnam and the fabrication of Iraq - same story- same characters- different skin color and generation). And all so a few can live in a little bubble of luxury. This is insanity and treason. This is the result of living with our heads in the sand choosing to exist as a paranoia of the unknown, choosing not to look, not to self realize, not to follow through with understanding the systemic structures and the cognitive dissonance of emotions and feelings, of wanting to be seen as a “ good person” who will someday go to some cognitively dissonant make believe fantasy land called heaven where some old man sits on a chair and explains the world believing this to be more than actually being and living and experiencing the physical, the world, life, directly, being one and equal to the substance and sound and creation of life. I mean really. Wake up.

We are accepting and allowing systemic lack of development based on ideas that hide our own fears of being self responsible in common sense of a life all around us that reveals how it functions in dignity when physical needs are met, eliminating/preventing the behaviors of conflict and destruction from and of life. Thus our accepted and allowed governments are simply a manifestation of our own accepted  and allowed paranoia of the unknown as what we have created as consciousness, as our separation from self hONEsty as life, here.

This dissonance, this discord, has to be cleaned up. Governments that are not doing what is best for all, and presenting politicians that only give vague statements to pull on emotional strings are a sign of deceit and discord , and if we do not see through this and demand detailed solutions that respect life and order life systemically in detail, educating the life that is here to be and become itself as life, then what is being given is a dishonesty from life. This earth is a gift given to realize how to exist within absolute support of life, to become a fully functioning planet orchestrating life. Thus, the only choice is to do what is best for all, and the answers are all here, the only thing blocking them is a dissonance of separation into idea, opinion and belief that has no common sense of life.

Check out the latest Equal Life Foundation blogs on the systemic design and how it can be realigned to create a functioning world that lives the value being life, where all can hear/here themselves as what they are, which is life.

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• Day 381 Ignorance is bliss NOT: Paranoia of the UNKNOWN
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Day 289 Fear of speaking Reaction dimension cont.

Fear of Speaking Reaction Dimension cont.
I was talking with someone and I went into a reaction with them. I had asked them a simple question and they reacted, then I reacted. I was in essence aggravated that they reacted, becoming accusatory without addressing what was asked, as addressing what was asked was not something wanting to be faced, it meant looking at what had beenaccepted and allowed, it meant then standing up and realizing what is here. So many times I have had such behaviors thrown at me, they are a bully in self defense, projecting indignation, which is what i become and am, I have set the tone and I am getting what I am “setting” within myself, a behavior I have allowed to become a habit, infearior to what is here, in fear because I cannot describe what is here, the space as the movement is not part of the vocabulary, the understanding of what is here is not realized, off goes a sense of vertigo, a physical sense of vertigo, and the means of sensing this is shut down, as judgement as mind has set in. There is no starting point of equality with me, I am too busy being angry, being infearior, being in fear, all behaviors of lack in common sense of here, all behaviors of running away from self as life, all behaviors of not wanting to give up the ghost of the machine, a belief that someone else will solve, an idea that somehow -as if my magic- things will work themselves out, an opinion that humans cannotchange things because of “ this being the way it is” or that a limited “nature” is in fact nature - this in itself ignoring that what is labeled as nature is life, and the life of the human is such despite the fact that children are not born with religion and speech and will imitate their environment, as is known with children raised in the wild by animals, known as feral children. There are so many strings of excuses and all of them the voice of denial, an excuse having no direction as it is an end game, a lack of conception, an expression of limited sense, thus it is just the voice of mimicking a dictate - like what a machine does, a machine is produced to perform a certain action, thus the giving up to a limited idea that things cannot change/transform/realize is a belief as a recitation of doctrine and thus a program, meanwhile what is fueling the voice of this? We are humans fueling the voice of this, and since we cannot replicate what we are - given what we do build as machines- how can we allow others to decide for us when they obviously have no real understanding of life? So, why do we have a system that is deciding that money determines who lives and who dies, within a lack of understanding this physical human body? Thus none of us is greater than, more than this actual physical world, and it is by far the greater, and we are taking this physical world and deciding who gets sustenance from it, we are deciding to take from it without consideration of life as this physical world. Instead of working with this physical world, we are working against it, we work against that to which we are inferior, while this physical world reveals itself, as we can know how t works, it is forgiving and revealing and transparent, we know what pollutes the waters, we know what causes dis-ease in cows, we know that we can work with the sun, etc. and yet we ignore this for the continuation of a profit based system. We know that usury does not work, Christ made this obvious , and even Hitler proved that getting rid of debt supported the people, and yet the presentation of Hitler is only of obviously unacceptable reactive behaviors  - not to say that it was a perfect system and a solution, but that the part as usury does not work, it creates economic slavery. Slavery is abuse, it is not developing/supporting life in all, as one as life, as equal. By focusing on what was bad ONLY and not looking at the parts that worked, as what was good, and having others in our world blow up the "bad" ONLY and bully this onto existence, is the development of confusion, of emotional reactions, unsupportive of life.
We/I have allowed the ghost of the machine to become god, and it is all illusion, as belief, opinion and idea, I am, when I become emotional, reacting to an illusion, the illusion built of a collection of ideas that are a limited composition of what is here, this is why it is seemingly confusing to realize self as life, because the elements of this composition are of life, they are simply broken into bits/bites, so I feel like I am attacking life, yet this is not the case. Break life into bits, spread this around, divide it between peoples as limited values made huge ( and notice I use the same practice as language LIMITED values) where the value is a part of life, thus not to be denied, yet when held onto as the only value, and made a dictate within the tool of the mind as imag-iner/image maker, then trying to suggest that this is something to “give up” is seen as a threat and ignorance, when what is trying to be said is that this is simply out of context of this actual physical world, meaning it is something that cannot be lost as it is here and can be lived and does not need to be placed within a tradition as a culture, as it is a part of this physical world. So, taking values out of context, as here, and carrying them around and defining oneself as them is warping reality, is distorting here, like magnification does, it distorts reality, it is like looking at another dimension that is here, yet within looking through the shaft of the lens of the magnification one is “distorting reality” - so to speak. And this is what the media is doing by plastering pictures of 15 - and even younger - girls/children all over the streets with pixels that create pictures and songs of “love”, this a separation from being in equality to what is real here. I mean taking a cow and forcing something other than what that cow is geared to eat, is going to make that cow sick, or that chicken sick if that chicken is forced to physically grow in distorted and warped ways in ignorance of the physical world, a world we cannot create as the knowledge and information we exist as. We are inferior to the physical world, and yet we act as though we are superior, and this, even if it were the other way- is inequality to life, as it is all life, here.
So what we have programed the mind to be, is a distortion of reality, and a few are profiting from this, as they themselves are a program of distortion. Thus must we for give ourselves back to this physical world in commons sense of what is best for all, as what is best for this physical world is best for us as we are one and equal in and as this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak in and as self interest infearior to here, to realizing and moving and living equal and one, in and as common sense of what is real as this actual physical world and how it exists, to see, realize and understand that the present system of inequality is an abusive distortion of reality, where the mind as image tool is made reality as this is a means of control in and as a separation from life, as being inferior to and as life as what we are here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive to behaviors of life here, that are in separation of common sense of what is physically here, where the present system is a ghost as a machine of magnifying parts of this physical existence, that are of value, yet when placed conceptually out of context and followed as dictates the living existence of the human is no longer equal and one to and as life, in common sense of this actual physical world, this mind greater than physical existence a separation from a relationship of equality, meaning realizing here as the physical being equal and one, this equality being equal to and as life, here, as equality and oneness, in believing no one thing to be more than another, is the expression of and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself not to see, realize and understand my own behaviors of separation from and as life, with and as every breath I take, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself not to see, realize and understand behaviors of separation within and without, where facing the fear as separation as survival management is lack of direction as life regulation in common sense of being one and equal to and as the physical world as earth, this separation manifest as emotions, thoughtsand feelings as energy polarized through judgements of more than and less than beliefs, opinions and ideas, that are fear of loss, leading to justification as positive feelings of pride, righteousness, needs used to define a positive state that is short lived indicating the lack of substance and sustain ability in expression of self as life, as such short lived desires lack an absolute purpose in and as the principle of what is best for all, as the being of self in separation from what is best for all is to be separate from the nature of life as being life absolutely, in totality, here, absolutely self honest, absolutely self directed, absolutely at ease, where the speaking of self is equal and one to and as here, as what is best for all can only be seen in common sense, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a system of separation in and as bureaucracies determining life based on statistics on a piece of paper, within a system of profit, is the same structure without as the mind has become as the human within, where dictates are followed that try and fit a profit for the few onto reality, the physical warped into a an expression of profit as being a belief that parts of this physical world are of a more than, this being a god personification that by nature is a separation from equality and oneness as self as life, as the very substance that is equal and one in all that is here as earth, as this is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the physical world as earth is the gift of life, here as all that is here is the very fabric in and as life, thus, blaming and spiting what is here is an act of ignorance, of protest for how here exists and thus a separation of self realizing self as the directive capacity in and as life, which means realignment into equality with this physical world, as this physical world being used to support all life in equality and oneness here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as life, with every word I speak, to remain equal and one to fear within and without, to direct within and as what is best for all, without reaction as blame and spite, and to realize such behaviors within and to stop and to breath and to bring myself back to a state of ease, where nothing is taken personally, which everyone of us has experienced at one time or another in our lives, thus it is a question to ask oneself, “ why did I not react “that time” yet, i reacted “ this time?”
I commit myself to realize that I can slow myself down and recognize my own separations with and as every breath, at least to realize when I am allowing and accepting behaviors of separation in and as an emotional storm as energy as this being the signature of separation from myself as life, based on my past, enacting a projection of loss into the future, which means I have become inequality to and as life, and have no substantive ability to direct myself within and as self honesty.
I commit myself to breathing, and to walking the steps to equalize myself to and as life, to develop my own physical common sense in and as life, here which takes myself breathing and slowing down to become aware of the space here as life, every inch, every detail, which will take a process, as this has not been what was taught, as the very fabric of myself as life, is able to sense the very fabric of life here as the physical, in all common sense, as what real supposed god would have it any other way as life is the value.

Day 258 Consequence Dimension, Abdication Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to bring near what I had made distant within and as myself here, in separation from myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to control that which I had made distant and brought near in and as a desire to control what I feared.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I project, persists as I have rejected it as myself, placed a positive persona in and as protection within and without in self interest in fear of self honesty, in absence of common sense within equality and oneness in and as life, as what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that any want, need and desire is a separation from being equal and one in and as, with, life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become impatient within and as this, to not see, realize and understand that I have the tools of breath and slowing myself down to use myself as life, in common sense of what is here in and as the physical to realize resistance is myself as energy, as limited insight, as judgement, as what has been taught within and as a consumerist, fear/survival system of dissipation into and as energy in separation from and as life - this being life that which is constant within and as what is best for all, as the principle of oneness in equality in and as what is same in all, which is the substance of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the friction and conflict within and as me, has become habitual, within and as the development of myself from childhood, where what was taught within a mind/physical relationship, was a mind made huge, composed of dictates serving a system of inequality, of more than and less than, creating an environment of survival/fear and thus directive within and as self interest.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that what was taught was preconceived notions of what values would enable survival, passed down through generations , education and media, social structure as class, nationality, gender.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own protection and defense mechanisms within self interest in fear of loss, and lack of common sense of equality and oneness in and as the substance of life, equal and one in all existent on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how in not being self honest, within and as life, here, I in effect was the source of supposed hurt, as my own notion of hurt that I projected without within allowing and being self abdication of self as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all thoughts, emotions and feelings, were of my own creation, through acceptance and allowance in separation from what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my own desire for comfort and praise, sympathy and tenderness was a separation from myself as life, as something that can be what self is as life, and thus something that self can gift to self as life, in being here, equal and one to and as life here, where within the principle of equality and oneness, in “give as one would life to receive” the gift to self as the gift of life, in and as self forgiveness in and as self as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing and accepting myself to be and become fear, in and as abdication of remaining equal and one within and as myself as life, I become a polarity within judgement of good and bad, more and less, and thus create friction and conflict within and as myself, losing common sense of myself as life and thus become spite and blame and abdicate myself within communication with and as life, here, which is myself allowing a separation within a mind/physical relationship as the instrument of life, as my human physical body.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of defensive communication lacking equality and oneness communication - this being the realization that we are all the same, of the same substance, this being the substance of life, here, in and as the actual physical world, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the energetic storm of and as the mind, as consciousness, of inequality, of greed, of a bullying nature in and as fear of survival, of facing my own protection and defense mechanisms as personalities and characters, where I disperse myself as life into limited values unsupportive of equality and one awareness in and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own self judgements of existing within lack, in and as beliefs that I am not good enough, or that there is something inherently wrong with me, all of which is myself within and as judgement, disrespecting myself as life, here, and thus abusing myself as life, here, as such action has no practical common sense of this actual physical world, and thus such judgement gives no direction within and as practical solutions within supporting this physical world in and as what is best for all here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that anything other than self honesty within and as myself here, is the source of perceived hurt, and thus I can blame no one but myself for what i have accepted and allowed within and as myself here within this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much I have behaviors of control, a personification of protection in separation from myself as life, here.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding all energetic movements within and as my human physical body awareness, to see realize and understand that such movements are judgements within and as protection and defense based on limited values, a separation into fear and thus self interest, where i can use the tools of breathing, writing, self forgiveness and corrective application to bring myself back to self, and no longer separate myself into inferiority and image projection onto of something other than myself being capable of self direction, in and as myself as life here.
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to fear looking at what is here, within and without, to look at what behaviors I accept and allow within and without and to stop and to breath and to bring myself back here, equal and one to and as the physical, a process that takes practice and patience, to face and correct, to align within the principle of what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, as this is self as life, in self honesty in and as life here, where self exists within and as a constant in and as life, that which is best for all, that which is eternal, directive.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding through and as being aware in every moment , in and as breath, to slow way down and realize I am equal and one to all existent, separations included, to self forgive in and as life, here within what is best for all, to take fear into and as myself here, as my own accepted and allowed separations in protection and defense, behaviors of competition and comparison, and to stop and to breath, and to become one and equal to, to direct myself within and as what is best for all, as myself in self honesty in and as life, here.